“[Am I The Jerk] For Accessing My Dad’s Phone And Deleting A Picture Of Me?”
Interview
Every one of us has fears, insecurities, imperfections and things that we don’t feel confident about. Also, everybody has their boundaries, rules and things that are important for them. It’s not a surprise that we can never know what’s going on in other people’s heads and lives. Some things that we think are a casual act or sentence that we would never pay attention to can make another person angry or upset. So, long story short, if somebody asks you to not do or say something, it’s better to listen to their requests.
More info: Reddit
It’s annoying and even hurtful when people don’t care about your requests, especially family members
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Guy asks community members if he was wrong to sneak into his dad’s phone and delete a picture of himself after he took it without consent
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The 18 Y.O. highlighted that he specifically asked for no photos at the beach
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After his dad ignored his request, the guy accessed his phone and deleted the photo
A few days ago, a young man shared his personal story to one of the Reddit communities. He asked its members if he was wrong for sneaking into his dad’s phone and deleting a picture of himself after his dad ignored his one request, which was no shirtless pictures of him at the beach. The post received more than 9.5K upvotes and various stories from commenters.
The guy starts his story by stating that he doesn’t like shirtless pictures taken of him. The incident took place when he was on holiday abroad together with family. One night, OP agreed to go to the beach with them, as before their activities didn’t really overlap. Now, the fact that he doesn’t like his pictures taken has been known for years thus the family agreed to the request that no photos be taken at the beach.
Moving to the next day, OP again reminded his family of his demand. However, once he went for a swim, he saw that his dad was doing the opposite of what was asked. And his reasoning for that was that as the guy is his son, he can take photos of him if he wants. Also, the guy emphasized that if his dad had asked to take a picture, he would have just put a shirt on and there would have been no problem.
Later on, the guy snuck into his dad’s phone and deleted the picture of himself, which made his dad even more annoyed. Moreover, OP says that his dad tends to share pictures on Facebook for his friends and family members to see, which is the author’s biggest fear.
The folks voted for the guy for not being a jerk in his situation. “Your dad is doing that thing parents do sometimes where they think they own their kids,” one user wrote. Another shared a personal experience: “That’s a violation of your privacy and you did what you had to do. I grew up with a parent like that and it caused a lot of damage.”
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Bored Panda contacted Dr. Carla Marie Manly, who kindly agreed to share her professional insights regarding self-esteem and lack of empathy and awareness that impacts other people’s boundaries and needs.
“Today’s society tends to focus on perfection when it comes to physical appearance, and this tendency has very dangerous consequences in the short and long term,” Dr. Carla emphasized. “When a person is made to feel that their body is unacceptable or ‘bad,’ both body image and self-worth are negatively impacted. On the other hand, those who are raised to believe that their bodies are acceptable and loveable – regardless of society’s idealistic standards – self-esteem is naturally higher.”
“Those with high self-esteem often enjoy having their photos taken, whether at the beach, in social settings, or at home. Conversely, those with a negative body image often feel a deep sense of humiliation and shame when photographed. In many cases, the humiliation and shame are significantly increased when the photographs are made public. Beach settings are often especially sensitive for those with negative body image given that our bodies are more exposed—and we are naturally more psychologically vulnerable—when our perceived ‘physical imperfections’ are exposed.”
Now, speaking about parents’ lack of awareness of their kids’ boundaries: “There are some parents who ignore their children’s basic needs for respect, empathy, and kindness.” Also, Dr. Carla shared: “In my opinion, parents who don’t take their children’s insecurities seriously are revealing their own unresolved psychological issues. In this case, the father who took pictures of his son—in the face of his son’s clear lack of consent—has engaged in disrespectful, bullying behavior. Although it seems from the father’s statement that he believes the son is his property, children are not their parents’ property.”
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Image credits: Valentin Perret (not the actual photo)
Moreover, seeing the ever-increasing influence of social media, Dr. Carla highlights that “The increasingly problematic issue of comparing our natural, wonderfully imperfect bodies to idealized images is especially harmful to impressionable children and younger adults. Photographs—especially those taken in bare-body locations such as the beach—memorialize a person’s body at one moment in time. When the image captured is deemed attractive and ‘good,’ the photograph symbolizes worthiness, acceptance, and value. However, when the image captured is seen as imperfect, horrible, or worse, the photograph symbolizes unworthiness, contemptibility, and shame.”
And finally, there are a few great ways that every one of us can improve our self-esteem or help others that Dr. Carla highlighted: “Parents can support their children’s self-esteem by avoiding critical or shaming behaviors and, instead, offering loving, healthy support. In general, one of the best ways to increase self-esteem is to engage in positive self-messages and mindfully avoid negative self-talk.” Also, “Physical activity can boost self-esteem by providing a strong foundation for both physical and mental health.”
And of course, don’t forget to check out Dr. Carla Marie Manly’s website, Instagram and Facebook pages where you can find various useful information. Also, check out her highly relevant book Joy from Fear that each of us should read!
Folks in the comments agreed that his dad’s action was wrong
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I don't get the people saying the kid is TA for "breaking into" the dad's phone. The dad was the original transgressor. If he had respected his son's boundaries, then his son wouldn't have had to cross his boundaries to fix it.
I used to be just like the son. I think the dad thinks, "He needs to stop being ashamed of his body" or something like that. In reality, that only makes you feel worse as it did to me. Dad needs to learn consent and respect boundaries as my parents did and let OP live his life as he wants.
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How are people even thinking that OP is TA? If it was a dad taking pictures of his daughter without consent the internet would be up in arms! I think OP was within his rights to do what he did, although he could have sat down and had a conversation with his dad before breaking into his phone.
First off, if your child is modest, you MUST respect that, even if you're not modest yourself. Your kid isn't a prude or uptight, they're just modest. Not one thing wrong with being modest, especially these days. It's kind of refreshing, actually. Anyway, back in the day if your parents took pictures you didn't like, it wasn't as potentially bad, because there was no internet, therefore no social media to post pictures to. However, you still had to be sneaky to get to the packet of pictures/slides and remove all the embarrassing pictures/slides and their negatives before they were passed around/copies mailed out/put in the Kodak Carousel slide projector for relatives and friends to see. however, once you did that, they were gone forever, unlike the internet, where once uploaded they're there forever for anyone to see, including the type of people you really don't want seeing them.
I don't get the people saying the kid is TA for "breaking into" the dad's phone. The dad was the original transgressor. If he had respected his son's boundaries, then his son wouldn't have had to cross his boundaries to fix it.
I used to be just like the son. I think the dad thinks, "He needs to stop being ashamed of his body" or something like that. In reality, that only makes you feel worse as it did to me. Dad needs to learn consent and respect boundaries as my parents did and let OP live his life as he wants.
Load More Replies... How are people even thinking that OP is TA? If it was a dad taking pictures of his daughter without consent the internet would be up in arms! I think OP was within his rights to do what he did, although he could have sat down and had a conversation with his dad before breaking into his phone.
First off, if your child is modest, you MUST respect that, even if you're not modest yourself. Your kid isn't a prude or uptight, they're just modest. Not one thing wrong with being modest, especially these days. It's kind of refreshing, actually. Anyway, back in the day if your parents took pictures you didn't like, it wasn't as potentially bad, because there was no internet, therefore no social media to post pictures to. However, you still had to be sneaky to get to the packet of pictures/slides and remove all the embarrassing pictures/slides and their negatives before they were passed around/copies mailed out/put in the Kodak Carousel slide projector for relatives and friends to see. however, once you did that, they were gone forever, unlike the internet, where once uploaded they're there forever for anyone to see, including the type of people you really don't want seeing them.
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