911 Operator Shares The 14 Craziest Experiences She Had While Working

I only had about 5 hours of sleep in between 16-hour shifts. Only had an hour left and morning rush hour was ending, so I was ready to get out so bad. Next thing you know the lines are lighting up like a f**king Christmas tree. Luckily nobody was killed, but it sure woke us up!

Got a call from an alarm company one day. Nbd, they're easy calls. Until I put in the address they gave me and it came up as a firehouse. I let the dispatcher know so she could clear it, but instead she sent out the next station. Turns out the station where the alarm was had left a lasagna in the oven and accidentally turned it to Broil instead of off in the rush to get out to their call. Everything (except the lasagna) turned out fine, but I'm sure the guy who did it will never live it down.

"I called you 10 minutes ago! WHERE ARE THE COPS?!" Probably playing Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who has to deal with your ass, Brenda.

In all seriousness, though. These 50-65 year old, suburban empty-nesters are worse than the ghetto people. At least when the ghetto folks call, there's usually something actually going on. Boomers will call just because they saw a guy fishing without his license on his hat and then INSIST they stay to speak to the officer when the damn thing was just on the guy's vest instead. (Happened way more than once.) Then they get all entitled when the officer doesn't come sirens-blaring right away. Sorry, Carol, I'll get them to stop writing that ticket for someone that was actually doing something wrong and come deal with your butthurt right away.

Sometimes the boomers have legit complaints, though. This one lady (still obnoxious) called because the kids down the street broke into her yard and stole the goldfish from her pond. Apparently she'd had issues with this family before (shocker).

I still have no idea what they did with the fish.

People who call a lot are called Frequent Flyers, and we had quite a few.

One of them was nicknamed Chicken Little, because every time it snowed, she would call and tell us that the clouds had fallen out of the sky and we had to put them back up. The officers started telling her that they only fell because they were "extra" clouds and they would go back up on their own once the sky cleared. It usually worked and we wouldn't hear from her as much.

Another frequent flyer. A sweet man we'll call Charlie. Charlie knew he had issues and knew when he was about to have an episode. He was also, unfortunately, homeless. So whenever he was about to break down, he would find a landline to call us (because it automatically gives us the address and number). We got to know him so well that he even recognized our operator numbers. Sometimes he'd just say "I need to go" and we knew it was him.

There was a lady who had constant issues with her husband. One day she called and told us to get there quick, because she was going to shoot him. The thing is, Husband was her dog, and when officers got there (they actually rushed, because cops love dogs) she was standing in the yard holding a plunger under her arm, pretending to cock it like a shotgun and yelling "BOOM!!" at the poor pup. When the officers tried to take it from her, she just started yelling "You can't stop me!!" and ran around the yard trying to avoid them. Her "Husband" was taken to the Humane Society.

This lady. We'll call her Eleanor. She was the QUEEN of the Frequent Flyers. Imagine Uncle Ruckus as a lady. The cops would take rookies out to deal with her just to f**k with them. She'd call almost every day with something new ranging from the relatively simple to the completely absurd. Some of my favorites are:

-Black and Arab midgets broke into her apartment and stuck their fingers in her peanut butter.

-A tall Arab man pissed on her chair while she was in the other room and then ran away.

-Her upstairs neighbor kept peeing on her through a hole in the ceiling. She lived on the top floor. There wasn't even a leak.

-A demon kept looking through her window. Flew away when she told him to "F**k off."

And finally,

- Snakes kept coming up through her floor and wrapping around her legs. Then they turned into hands that tried to violate her. She kept yelling "Get outta my h**chie!!" on the phone.

This was the single funniest call that ever happened.

Officers went out for a violent domestic. Suddenly over the radio comes "We're gonna need backup. He's beating her with a boa." Dispatcher: "Repeat? He's beating her with what?" Officer screams: "A SNAKE!! A BIG. ASS. SNAKE!! Oh HELL no!"

This dude was straight up beating his woman with their 5ft long pet snake. The snake was taken to a local rescue and was okay aside from some bruising. Another officer ended up adopting him.