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If you are a woman with an online presence, you’ve probably gotten unwanted messages from men who are, at best, shooting their shot and at worst, being horrible creeps. If you are a man, perhaps try making a fake account posing as a woman and see how many days, if not hours, it takes for a message similar to the ones here to show up in your inbox.
We’ve gathered some hilarious and, at times, disturbing responses women have given the unsolicited and downright creepy DMs. So get comfortable, prepare yourself for the worst, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
At Least He Tried
VikingAbroad 10 months ago
'may I ask you (a personal) question?' 1) you just did. 2)why is the next question always sexual? 3)just stop...
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
Can I ask you this question followed by a personal question followed by a business question? Are you really a Viking? And if so, how goes all the pillaging?
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Jamie Greco 9 months ago
This how I’ve managed stupid people all of my life. Pretend I’m stupider.
Kerry Palmer 9 months ago
That's beautiful. If I were a woman, I would probably have said "Why don't you go f**k yourself."
RELATED:
#2
Oof
kansasmagic 10 months ago
I used to go into AOL chat with the name "glittertits". The response was...enlightening.
#3
Seems Like A Stable Guy
Earonn - 10 months ago
Why is it not legal to pay a couple of people to beat that rapey piece of s**t into oblivion?
tori Ohno 10 months ago
An incel after she turns him down for a date. Then wonders why women hate him.
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Tiggy Darling 10 months ago
That's not time for a comeback. That's time to call the police and report a rape/assault threat.
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 10 months ago
Dear Mr. Incel, I have a 6 round and a 5 round, come near me, and all of them are going inside you.
PunchinelloTX 10 months ago
In what possible reality would such a come-on be considered charming?
#4
He's Been Begging For Weeks To Do A "Sexy Roleplay" With Me. I Finally Said Yes. I Think He Regrets Everything Now
Sarah Suelzle 10 months ago
I hate when people narrate their texts like a screenplay. It completely nerds me out !! *rolls eyes and shudders*
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 10 months ago
For the love of god if you're going to roleplay at least have decent grammar and at least a few sentences per response... and, you know, a willing and consenting roleplay partner helps too
#5
He Wanted To Roleplay, So I Did
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
Nah I'd add: Unfortunately, the security camera was only a newer model 4K camera and therefore lacked the resolution to pick up such a tiny prick. No matter the camera angle, the phallus, flaccid and frail as it was, did not register for the jury. Shamed, the attempted rapist was sentenced to public humiliation, and was henceforth known as the Microphallic Marauder
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Novlette Williams 10 months ago
When the evidence was presented the courtroom erupted in hysterical laughter..."long fat and veiny my foot?" they said. "That looks like one of earth worms that comes out when it rains" they said. "Squish it! Squish it they cried"
The Doom Song 10 months ago
Why did I read that like the narrator at the start of law and order SVU????
detective miller's hat 10 months ago
why are men so freaking horrendous at trying to write erotica
#6
I Waited So Long To Post This
TiNaBoNiNa 10 months ago
I would've found a picture of a cadaver and said, "You can't tell anyone about my body!"
#7
He Unmatched With Me After This, Can’t Imagine Why
John Dilligaf 10 months ago
a picture is worth a thousand words. You can tell him what you're gonna do, or you can show him
#8
I Thought That This Would Be Good Here Too
#9
Oh So I Just Don’t Matter In May?!
#10
I Think This Belongs Here Don't You Think?
#11
Mans Was Really Panicking
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
I’m so stealing that one lmao not that I ever use cattle markets sorry dating sites 😂vile places but that’s a class reply
Gozer LeGozerian 10 months ago
Should the standard as it's being outlawed in more and more countries
#12
Feel Like This Reply Might Be Of Use To Some Of You On This Sub
KatSaidWhat 10 months ago
Upvoting because I work for a GP and probably the only person not googling that - to their chagrin. DO NOT GOOGLE IMAGE THAT.
Load More Replies... #13
He Stopped Replying After That
Earonn - 10 months ago
Is that Elon Musk seeking a new baby mama in the hope that finally one of his children will love him?
J. Maxx 10 months ago
Those women who are breeding with that nazi f**k are even worse than him. They should have their children taken away and have their heads examined.
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#14
How To Ruin A Pervert’s “Happy Time”
Luke Branwen 10 months ago
Only a coward runs from a fight upon discovering the opponent is also armed.
Sky Render 10 months ago
Someone doesn't know the clitoris can also get erect. Unsurprisingly.
#15
Free Advertising For Febreeze At Least?
Tom Brincefield 10 months ago
It's sexual in nature and he's comparing it to a narrow can. Can you think of anything that a guy would have that would fit that definition?
Load More Replies... #16
Check Mate
#17
Guy Is 10 Years Older, And Blocked Me After Reading My Reply. I Clearly Stated In My Profile I Was Looking For People 5 Years Older Maximum, And Nothing Sexual
#18
Haven't Talked To You In 10 Years?
#19
Ahh It’s The Good Ol’ “Age Is Just A Number” Quote
zububonsai 10 months ago
...and, hopefully, a steep learning curve of respecting others' boundaries and No's in the future....
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TruthoftheHeart 10 months ago
I seriously hope she told her parents so he could get arrested for acting sexual to a minor
BookFanatic 10 months ago
Lol Reminds me (46 yo) of when I had to talk a friend's nephew (27) out of wanting to take me out. He's a lovely young man, but I have zero desire to be a cougar. At least we're both of legal age.
zububonsai 10 months ago (edited)
In a lot of places when the counterpart is younger than 16 years (for the 22 year old) so the age gap would be too big?// I read it as a much younger person tells a 22y.o. dude off (though at 15 I wouldn't have been that witty, law-versed and world-wise 😬🫣. Younger Me would have called my parents for help and both would have had a blast destroying the dude similar to this ☝🏼 (PS: If dude22 had overstepped or proceeded my dad would have gone to work, file a report and doing his senior detective work 😈...)
Load More Replies... #20
I Was Super Bored And Decided To Try The "Meet New People" Feature Of Kik. Never Again
#21
Best Way To Deal With Random Creeps!
Bill Mills 9 months ago
Until Dominos tries making subs with pizza toppings... I hope whoever came up with that idea was shown to the door.
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Trophy Husband 10 months ago
Technically Domino's now has sandwiches and Subway did offer pizza at one point but I think they stopped...
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
Can I just go out of bounds here and say no to both? For pizza, there's an Italian grocery store up the road called Carlino's, and they do a hand made flat-bread fig pizza. And for hoagies (aka submarine sandwiches), I'd probably go to Carlino's for that too. They do this spicy italian hoagie on real fresh baked bread from their on site bakery, with real cheese and fresh tomatoes from the community garden. It's so good I could cry. Dammit, now I wanna go to Carlino's.
Raya 10 months ago
now you’ve made me hungry, where is this carlino’s? is it regional or in 1 place?
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Nay Wilson 10 months ago (edited)
Personally I’d go for subway. When I want pizza I prefer Papa John’s 🙂
#22
My New Self Defense Mechanism
Nads 10 months ago
Damn, I was interested in hearing more about Armenia, the small nation south of the caucaus, enemy of russia, and formally a republic.
Catlady6000 10 months ago
Whose capital is Yerevan. Which is also the largest city
Load More Replies... Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 10 months ago
Russia nowadays, is definitely a lot of other country's enemy. It seems like they never learn from their past.
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
Yes, but the Nagorno-Karabakh War and Armenian Revolution before that were clashes with Russians and pro-Russian forces. You could argue that Turkey might be worse of an enemy than either Russia or Azerbaijan
Load More Replies... #23
I Never Got A Reply
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 10 months ago
I would perform an "emergency circumcision", with the Leatherman EMS Shears, that I am ALWAYS carrying.
#24
He Unmatched With Me Almost Immediately After
Laura ballam 10 months ago
great rupaul's drag race reference - goes against the point here!
Load More Replies... #25
Ice Cold
#26
He Never Replied :(
#28
My Fav Comeback To A D**k Pic
Damned_Cat 10 months ago
Helpful hint: Don't say police. Say "law enforcement". That's the way those entities refer to themselves, and it will make the offender more paranoid about every stranger they see.
#29
Tinders Fun :/
ElfVibratorGlitter 10 months ago
I'm not trans, but am asked that SOOO many times on dating apps. I can't figure out what it is. Only thing my friends and I can come up with is my name being Chris....but still? That's a woman's nickname too!
MushroomHead22 10 months ago
but you gotta s*ck this d*ck anyway. get on your knees, begging me please, to stop, but i can't. sticking it in like a needle and thread, im sorry to say that you are definitely gay, just keep on giving me head.
#30
My First Instagram Solicitation!
#31
He Want No Bird
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
Specifically, that's either a Carolina Chickadee or Black-capped Chickadee (I can never tell the difference). Generally the North American varieties of the Paridae family aren't called tits. They are usually either Chickadees or Titmice. My personal favorite is the Tufted Titmouse. As far as true tits are concerned, I'm a fan of the Crested Tit, which you can see anywhere in Europe.
Load More Replies... Panda Kicki 10 months ago
No, poor guy wantes tits, multiples, so obv he is sad.
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#32
Pretty Sure He Thinks That Tongue Emoji Counts As A Wingman
#33
Easy To Say I Was Blocked
detective miller's hat 10 months ago
When my friend was in med school, she came across a photo of a severely injured penis, like it looked as if it had been partially flayed, it was absolutely awful. She saved it for this specific situation and used it at least 3 times.
#34
Aren’t Dating Apps A Lovely Place To Meet Normal, Sane People?
Power puff scientist 10 months ago
more than 56% of people have had relationships that started online and about 1/3 of marriages in the recent years started online so saying its only for losers is quite a judgemental statement. pretty old fashioned mindset.
Load More Replies... #35
He Unmatched Me 😂 I Still Prefer A Classy ‘Hello’
#36
Awww He Unmatched Me!
#37
Smh, Who Wouldn't Date Shrek?
SheamusFanFrom1987 10 months ago
Oh, that is layers of burn right there. I'd offer him an onion but I think it'd just make him cry even more XD
#38
This Was The Best Anime Character Arc Of All Time
tori Ohno 10 months ago
It should be a crime, as in "he gets arrested" when men react viciously when a woman turns him down.
Tessa 10 months ago
It should be! As should sending these pics be if not explicitly asked for!
Load More Replies... WalkieTaco 9 months ago
I gotta be honest, as disgusting as that is, he genuinely did do what it took to redeem himself, (although it was under pretense that he'd be arrested if he didn't.) so I'll give him a point for that. He's still in the negatives, but....
BookFanatic 10 months ago
I mean, I hate to call anything about this "wholesome," but the green guy really did a good thing there.
Hollerfloozy 10 months ago
Dude might be a creep but he sorta did the right thing and tried to make amends. Like creepy, bu wholesome as well? I dunno....
kansasmagic 10 months ago
No, he did the right thing in hopes of not having a "chat" with the cops.
Load More Replies... #39
Why I Don't Date Much Younger Guys
OzymandiasTheManokit They/Them 10 months ago
how did he get "who's" correctly but not know how to use "you're"?
#40
Quarantine Has Left Me With No F–king Chill
Roxy222uk 10 months ago
Honestly, I have no idea why it has become an idea that a p.e.n.i.s. longer than any vagina is admirable and desirable.
Sky Render 10 months ago
It's definitely proof that the sort of men who obsess over their length don't know anything about women, let alone how sex with a woman works. So they go by the only metric they can grasp, and that metric is the easily-observed size of their meat rod. Not once so they think to ask a woman if they care about that. Often because they don't think of women as equals worthy of consideration.
Load More Replies... Luke Branwen 10 months ago
Where I live, people say "You can make a great performance even with a small puppet."
#41
Sexting Is Easy!
Sylvi Ann Børsheim 8 months ago
I think that was actually nice texts. It woul work on me, IF he was my boyfriend.
#42
Ant Farm Blocked Me Right After This
Roxy222uk 10 months ago
Woah!! It's not dirty to catch lice (they can be passed on via a shared towel or similar as well as during sex), but it certainly is to not treat them. How someone can not realise it isn't right I just have no idea. To get to the point of sharing a photo, let alone for the purpose of 'seduction' is mind blowing.
#43
I’m Dad
#44
This Is How I Handle A Creepy Pm
#45
My New Standard Response To Unsolicited D**k Pics
#47
I Think He’s Gonna Unmatch Me Soon
#48
He Might Need To Work A Little On His Comebacks
#49
What It's Like On Tinder As A Veterinarian (He Unmatched 😂)
#50
There’s A Reason The App Only Lets You Message People With Mutual Interest
OzymandiasTheManokit They/Them 10 months ago
basically saying "hey I searched the whole internet that's not stalking haha you're beautiful is there anything else I can stalk like Snapchat or smth"
#51
My Charming Old Babysitter Feels Like I Owe Him S*x
TruthoftheHeart 10 months ago
Pedophile,groomer,rapist, this man is aspiring for a full flush of crimes
#52
Oh No, He Blocked Me :(
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 10 months ago
Okay but this one seems like you sent a picture first? Like obviously that doesn't make it okay for him to send you one, but I feel like I'm missing something here
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 10 months ago
Okay I went to the reddit post, OP's profile picture was of their cat, hence the "nice 😸"
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#54
This Is My Favorite Reply I’ve Come Up With For This. I Figure It’s An Analogy They Can Understand
#55
Received This On My Art Insta. It Should Be Known I Don’t Draw Mlp, Rule34, Furries, Or Animals Of Any Kind. I Don’t Even Do Commissions
#56
He's Been Sending The Same Message Every Day For A Week Now. Thought I'd Share The Interesting Results Of My Decision To Finally Reply!
#58
Creepy Unknown Number Texted Me. I Googled It And It’s Been Reported For Being Creepy. I Decide To Scare Them Away Using What I’ve Learned From This Sub (It Worked)
#59
His Entire Vibe Did A Whole 180
#60
Tit Slapper
Chocolate llama 10 months ago
for the lack of punctuation alone I would've called him "master s**t". But the phone having a stroke is also great :D
#62
I Think It’s Pretty Clear What I Have To Do
#66
A Friend Received This. She Said The Next Reply Was "LOL Guess Not"
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Sergio Bicerra 10 months ago
It only takes one screenshot from one guy showing it worked for him to make the creeps crawl off their basements to harras women.
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TruthoftheHeart 10 months ago
Oh God I just can't even with these seriously were these men living under a rock that they think this is actually okay?!? Only got halfway through before I remember this is why I stopped socializing with men even as friends. Because too often that's a lie also.
katiekat0214 10 months ago
There's one guy who's been texting me now for a couple of years. He's more persistent than most, but then again, I've trained hundreds into silence since I've been online since the 90s on several different programs. This one will be trained into silence also. It's a total power, dominance, control game. He wants attention; I withhold. He wants interaction; I withhold. It's all about doing what they dislike, in order to displease them and p**s them off. Such an awful, s****y game, and I am HERE FOR IT FOREVER. Be nasty with me? Go down an oubliette and be forgotten forever.
V 10 months ago
I literally moved to the other side of the world and it took 5 years before my former boss would stop messaging me. I don't know how many social media accounts he made but sweet baby cheeses it was a lot.
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martin734 10 months ago
I'm a silver-linings type of person and the silver lining I see here is that none of these fu*ktards are ever likely to reproduce.
Story Rook 10 months ago
This is why I don't date. Sifting through the endless men who do things like this.
Kat Alison 10 months ago
If this goes on, I give it about 100 years for the human species to go extinct.
Sergio Bicerra 10 months ago
It only takes one screenshot from one guy showing it worked for him to make the creeps crawl off their basements to harras women.
Load More Replies... TruthoftheHeart 10 months ago
Oh God I just can't even with these seriously were these men living under a rock that they think this is actually okay?!? Only got halfway through before I remember this is why I stopped socializing with men even as friends. Because too often that's a lie also.
katiekat0214 10 months ago
There's one guy who's been texting me now for a couple of years. He's more persistent than most, but then again, I've trained hundreds into silence since I've been online since the 90s on several different programs. This one will be trained into silence also. It's a total power, dominance, control game. He wants attention; I withhold. He wants interaction; I withhold. It's all about doing what they dislike, in order to displease them and p**s them off. Such an awful, s****y game, and I am HERE FOR IT FOREVER. Be nasty with me? Go down an oubliette and be forgotten forever.
V 10 months ago
I literally moved to the other side of the world and it took 5 years before my former boss would stop messaging me. I don't know how many social media accounts he made but sweet baby cheeses it was a lot.
Load More Replies... martin734 10 months ago
I'm a silver-linings type of person and the silver lining I see here is that none of these fu*ktards are ever likely to reproduce.
Story Rook 10 months ago
This is why I don't date. Sifting through the endless men who do things like this.
Kat Alison 10 months ago
If this goes on, I give it about 100 years for the human species to go extinct.
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