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16 Times Women Saw How Males Are Treated Differently First-Hand By Inventing A “Male Colleague”
To us guys, it may sound like something straight out of the '50s. But it's still a thing in 2021. Many working women are labeled as "bossy" or "impossible" at some point in their professional careers just because of their gender.
In response, a friend of writer Bess Kalb has created a workaround: she set up an email account under a fake man's name and assumes his persona, acting as her assistant whenever a sexist customer goes out of line.
Sadly, she isn't the only one. After Kalb tweeted about this, other women started sharing similar stories too.
Image credits: bessbell
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Evil Little Thing 4 years ago
This is the world we live in. My male colleagues are astounded and offended when their submissions get more than two reviewers. I have never had less than three, and frequently four.
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Brandi VanSteenwyk 4 years ago
One of my favorite things to witness is when my highly-accredited, extraordinarily-skilled, hugely-respected, female surgeon boss encounters idiots who assume that despite her monogrammed white lab coat (which they obviously don't take a second to read -- if they even can) she is "the nurse" rather than the surgeon. Having dealt with this piggish behavior for 25+ years, her response shows verbal skills equivalent to her surgical talents. Finely tuned to whatever level the a**hole resides on. True art. But in reality, it is really abhorrent that she can be instantly judged as incapable while virtually any male can throw on a lab coat -- regardless of any education level -- and everyone around will automatically address them as a doctor.
DelvianBlue 4 years ago
Tell me about it! I'm tempted to take a male pseudonym just to see what would happen
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Alethia Nyx 4 years ago
Terrible, but kinda a brilliant and hilarious study she turned it into.
Peter Korsten 4 years ago
Define "irony": work on sexism is sent back because the author is a woman.
Cigdem Kanburoğlu 4 years ago
There is also a big bias for countries in the scientific world. Even if you sent a good research, if you are from certain countries they tend to not publish.
Creative Lynae Cook is one of the people whose tweets we included in the list. She does acting, photography, sings and plays drums in a band called breakfast tacos, and hosts a podcast. But even though Lynae has proved herself time and time again, she also needs an imaginary male to help her.
"I loop in my 'manager' every now and then, certainly a lot more frequently when there were live events going on, and especially when I've been reached out for influencer or brand partnership work," Cook told Bored Panda. "People are generally more respectful and less likely to ask for unpaid labor when a manager is involved."
By 'respectful' she doesn't just mean offering better compensation. "They will also send complete communications, rather than the piecemeal information often shared when they think are talking to 'just' an artist. For example, they might say, 'We're really interested in collaborating with you!' if it's just me, but when my 'manager' is looped in, they'll lay out the details surrounding the collaboration, what their ask is, deadlines, payment information, etc."
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#2
Angela Jester 4 years ago
It shouldn't be,but it is. You still have to find a way to work in the system while you work to change it.
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Paolo Rossi 4 years ago
This is a very common negotiation technique, to pretend not to have the authority to decide.
Nirity 4 years ago
I hate to break it but I never saw a man using this, I work for 30 years, but I've seen many women including myself. Also no matter how many studies and proof women provide to show sexism it is never enough and there is always an as*hole who "hates to break it". You better come up with a study if you insist
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H Edwards 4 years ago
Uh, your wife maybe but that's not the case for everyone by any means. I recently flew with my first ever female pilot, which is crazy considering that I fly more than average, and I was very excited about it.
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According to Dr. Susan R. Madsen, a professor of Leadership & Ethics in the Woodbury School of Business at Utah Valley University and the Founding Director of the Utah Women & Leadership Project, the underlying objective of sexism toward women — whether conscious or not — is to maintain the current system of men having more power than women.
"Of course, some women may respond more positively to benevolent sexism, as it is perceived as kinder and more thoughtful. Yet research continues to find that it undermines and threatens women's influence and impact by just being 'in the air,'" Maden says. "In fact, societies that have the lowest levels of gender equality and female empowerment have the highest levels of both hostile and benevolent sexism. I expect this is the same for companies and organizations of all kinds."
#4
Viviane 4 years ago
One of my in-laws is a very good prosecutor. She comes off as sweet, sympathetic and gullible. Then she ever so sweetly punches holes in the criminal's stories. Her nickname is "Killer".
Ria C. 4 years ago (edited)
Elsbeth from The Good Wife/Fight had the same personality. Her real name is Carrie Preston, I adore her. Not sure where you are but maybe she was based off of your in-law.
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#5
#6
Nadine Bamberger 4 years ago
I bet she's bitchy and bossy while good old Cliff is strong and assertive and knows exactly what he wants.
Pamela Blue 4 years ago
That's it exactly - the same character traits - different adjectives to describe them, depending upon whether you are male or female.
Load More Replies...Lynae Cook hopes that sexism will (slightly) diminish as time goes on, though she believes it probably will survive in undertones and be less overt than it has been.
"I wish people strived to do better and be better," Cook added. "It's a bit obscene that people are more respectful when others are watching, which tells me that morality is often performative. It's also a bit depressing. But I suppose that is also how many people are raised and what society tells us."
#7
#8
Marco Conti 4 years ago
They probably thought it was the Persian King Darius the Great, emperor of the Achaemenid Empire, and they didn't want to get invaded by his hordes of warriors.
Joonscrab 4 years ago
Which is equally bad lol... It sucks how far people need to go to just be respected
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WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago (edited)
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Mystery Egg 4 years ago
Honestly, I have never come across this kind of behaviour where I live (Europe). The more I read about how American men are, the more I want to stay well away from them.
Bama Belle 4 years ago
American woman, here. I was in a convenience store once when a man came in and asked if anyone could tell him how to get to the town of Scottsboro. I told him, "Well, this is Scottsboro.". He says, "There HAS to be more to it than this.". I tell him there is, the town is just spread out. I asked him if he was looking for someone or something in particular. He was looking for a business that just so happened to be straight down the road, past 2 traffic lights, so I let him know how close he was. He looked at me suspiciously, didn't say thank you, kiss my ass, nothing. Just then, a male customer walked in the door. He walks up to the male customer and asks, "Mister, can YOU tell me how to get to Scottsboro?". He apparently thought because I was a woman I was too damned stupid to know what town I was standing in.
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Judith Bandsma 4 years ago
I've had a dr. office do that to me. Kidney stone, dr says first availability in the OR to remove it is 6 weeks out (I've already had for 3 months). My husband decides to talk to them and gee, "it's Monday, we can do the procedure this Friday."
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Strange, a lot of people think that I'm a woman because of my name. I was never discriminated via email or treated bad. But, of course, I do not live in the US so I don't have to deal with US businesses.
Today's working women experience gender discrimination in many forms. The Pew Research Center reported that about four-in-ten working women (42%) in the United States say they have faced discrimination on the job because of their gender.
The women described a broad array of personal experiences, ranging from earning less than their male counterparts for doing the same job to being passed over for important assignments.
#10
Zaza 4 years ago (edited)
Do you not have laws for this kind of stuff? We do. 14 days after sending the invoice the company will send a reminder, another one 2 weeks after that (usually accompanied by a fine). After 3 reminders they are allowed send it to a collection agency and every company in the coutry does this. Cost of hiring the collection company falls on the client who neglected to pay in time. Not paying for stuff gets taken extremely seriously over here. Collection agencies will take the matter to court, the judge will rule in favour of whomever sent the bill and then they just come to your house to confiscate your belonings. Yes pretty much all of it except your regular clothes (high end stuff will be taken), 1 single chair and a bed for every person living at the premises and some cups, plates and silverware. Got a housemate who has stuff there? Tough luck, will be claimed. Expensive breed pets sometimes get taken too (unless you can prove that you never bred them). Cost of police accompanying them, the locksmith, the movers, storing, sorting and auctioning off the stuff etc falls on the client. Whatever the stuff was worth will be taken off the bill, but often hardly makes a difference since so much costs are added. Whatever is left of the bill still needs to be paid. They will claim whatever amount in legal from your salary (employers are obligated by law to cooperate) and somethimes even freeze all your bank accounts and take whatever you have in them
NOLAHusker 4 years ago
In the US, we elect deadbeats like that to be president. So we have that going for us, which is nice. /s
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#11
Scagsy 4 years ago
My father-in-law runs a steel fabrication business and never gets paid on time. My wife has significantly more success in ensuring invoices are paid when she volunteers for a day now and then. Anecdotally, this may be true but if studied, I am sure the numbers would be pretty close between men and women. In my experience, it takes a certain type of person to chase payments, regardless of sex.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Most business people postpone paying their bills. I had a boss who didn't take that shyte. He wrote on all his bills "payment due in 14 days." On the 15th day, he called the debtor and told them to pay now or pay more to the debt collector. He didn't go bust because debtors wouldn't pay their bills or went out of business with a massive debt to him.
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#12
#15
Scagsy 4 years ago
Isn't Brandy a predominantly female name? That's what I would assume if I received anything from 'Brandy'
Viviane 4 years ago
It's possible that "Brandy" also sounds young and delicate, more so than Hortense or Hildegarde. So this could be a reverse of the other situations described here.
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#16
not your average weirdo 4 years ago
It's honestly really sad that you would have to be male to be taken seriously.
Pamela Blue 4 years ago
Of course it does. It happens wherever there are men and women, which means everywhere (except in strict muslim countries). Men have never fully grasped that women are as intelligent as men, and still retain the vestiges of the "little woman" in their genes.
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What do you think ?
Brendan 4 years ago
Slightly off topic, but my friend is half-Indian. When he used to apply for solicitor jobs, he would use his birth-given name (Anil), but rarely got a response. He then applied for jobs using a white-sounding name (Andy), and got invited to an interview every time. It's so sad.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Try going to medical school. Old white dudes dominant in profession, and their bias is evident in how they teach, what they teach, how they score exams, etc. It may be better now than my day, but that's not saying much, given we gals had to cover up from chin to toes, never meet hteir eye, etc., if we wanted to avoid the Grope For Grades routine. And when I answer the phone, in 2021, "Yes, I am head of the household," the shock of the caller is real. I've had males argue I *can't* be. Well, yes, I can. It's called "I picked up the phone, so I'm the head of the household for this phone call". If Hubby picked up, he is. We call it... wait for it... *partnership in marriage*!
Dietmar Pichler 4 years ago
Besides it is "Remington Steele" all over again, I had the same thoughts and IF I ever run my own business, there will be a "boss" I would have to talk too. This idea works for everyone :) (gender does ot matter)
Monday 4 years ago
Hell yes. Give me an invisible boss to "ask" or "confirm with".
Load More Replies... LOttawa 4 years ago (edited)
And it's not only for work. I called for a wheel alignment, I.was quoted $300... My bf, mad as F, calls a few days later, his quote:$75.00. We were shopping for a hot tub (used) m'en were telling me, you know it's heavy, you'll need a truck for that etc.. No $h!t, and here I thought I could lift it and place on top of my mitsubishi. My bf, again mad that I was treated this way, would contact the same sellers, and they were super nice to him no disrespectful questions... He would always say at the end that he was no longer interested and they should have treated his gf with the same respect they showed him. Hopefully you'll respect the next women who contacts you.
GenericPanda09 4 years ago
I mistyped my name wrong on a company email once and instead of signing it off as Christian it came out as Christina - boy did that bring out the corporate weirdos. Never been asked out to discuss so much work over so many lunches before.
Katchen 4 years ago
“‘Ben Barres's work is much better than his sister's.’ There was only one problem. Prof. Barres, then as now a professor of neurobiology at Stanford University, doesn't have a sister in science. The Barbara Barres the man remembered was Ben.” https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB115274744775305134
Charl Marx 4 years ago
I used to write film/music reviews when I was back in college, didn't get anything published for months on end, then I started giving my name as Charlie instead of Charlotte and suddenly started getting pieces published. Such a coincidence (!)
Pat Bond 4 years ago (edited)
Good for them. This is nothing new though, I had the misfortune to work in a call centre back in the 90's for a household name accountancy software package and they had a specific email account for complaints, enquiries etc. The amount of people that would call in and claimed to have spken to the imaginary individual saying what they demanded was ok was phenominal. The second you heard them say that, it was "game on".
Brendan 4 years ago
Slightly off topic, but my friend is half-Indian. When he used to apply for solicitor jobs, he would use his birth-given name (Anil), but rarely got a response. He then applied for jobs using a white-sounding name (Andy), and got invited to an interview every time. It's so sad.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Try going to medical school. Old white dudes dominant in profession, and their bias is evident in how they teach, what they teach, how they score exams, etc. It may be better now than my day, but that's not saying much, given we gals had to cover up from chin to toes, never meet hteir eye, etc., if we wanted to avoid the Grope For Grades routine. And when I answer the phone, in 2021, "Yes, I am head of the household," the shock of the caller is real. I've had males argue I *can't* be. Well, yes, I can. It's called "I picked up the phone, so I'm the head of the household for this phone call". If Hubby picked up, he is. We call it... wait for it... *partnership in marriage*!
Dietmar Pichler 4 years ago
Besides it is "Remington Steele" all over again, I had the same thoughts and IF I ever run my own business, there will be a "boss" I would have to talk too. This idea works for everyone :) (gender does ot matter)
Monday 4 years ago
Hell yes. Give me an invisible boss to "ask" or "confirm with".
Load More Replies... LOttawa 4 years ago (edited)
And it's not only for work. I called for a wheel alignment, I.was quoted $300... My bf, mad as F, calls a few days later, his quote:$75.00. We were shopping for a hot tub (used) m'en were telling me, you know it's heavy, you'll need a truck for that etc.. No $h!t, and here I thought I could lift it and place on top of my mitsubishi. My bf, again mad that I was treated this way, would contact the same sellers, and they were super nice to him no disrespectful questions... He would always say at the end that he was no longer interested and they should have treated his gf with the same respect they showed him. Hopefully you'll respect the next women who contacts you.
GenericPanda09 4 years ago
I mistyped my name wrong on a company email once and instead of signing it off as Christian it came out as Christina - boy did that bring out the corporate weirdos. Never been asked out to discuss so much work over so many lunches before.
Katchen 4 years ago
“‘Ben Barres's work is much better than his sister's.’ There was only one problem. Prof. Barres, then as now a professor of neurobiology at Stanford University, doesn't have a sister in science. The Barbara Barres the man remembered was Ben.” https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB115274744775305134
Charl Marx 4 years ago
I used to write film/music reviews when I was back in college, didn't get anything published for months on end, then I started giving my name as Charlie instead of Charlotte and suddenly started getting pieces published. Such a coincidence (!)
Pat Bond 4 years ago (edited)
Good for them. This is nothing new though, I had the misfortune to work in a call centre back in the 90's for a household name accountancy software package and they had a specific email account for complaints, enquiries etc. The amount of people that would call in and claimed to have spken to the imaginary individual saying what they demanded was ok was phenominal. The second you heard them say that, it was "game on".
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