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“My house, my rules” is generally the sort of thing most of us respect. But it can sometimes be hard to see what exactly falls under this concept. For example, should a religious family be able to make a non-believer pray or even attend church? If this sounds far-fetched, well, read on.
A woman asked the internet if she was wrong for raising a fuss when her boyfriend’s parents brushed aside the fact that she wasn’t religious and demanded she sleep in a separate room and attend church. We reached out to her via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
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Being asked to sleep separate from your partner for someone else’s religious reasons sounds absurd
Image credits: jm_video / Envato (not the actual photo)
But it’s what happened to one woman when she visited her BF’s parents
Image credits: zamrznutitonovi / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Sea-Tangerine-4123
“My house my rules” isn’t an invitation to tyranny
When you’re staying at someone else’s home, the classic “my house, my rules” principle generally makes sense. You wipe your feet at the door, you don’t raid the fridge at midnight, and you keep your music at a reasonable volume. But what happens when those house rules start creeping into territory that feels less like hospitality etiquette and more like an attempt to override your fundamental beliefs and autonomy? This young woman’s experience visiting her boyfriend’s parents in America perfectly captures this uncomfortable gray zone.
The situation started pleasantly enough but quickly escalated from awkward to genuinely problematic. Being asked to pray when you don’t practice religion is uncomfortable. Being lectured that knowing a prayer is “the least you could know” crosses into disrespectful territory. But the real issue isn’t about any single request. It’s about a pattern where the hosts are using their home as leverage to enforce compliance with their worldview on an adult guest. The psychology behind house rules gets interesting when hosts use their authority to control not just behavior but beliefs. Houseguests require significant energy when relationships aren’t close, and when a visit is too long and disruptive, a host is especially likely to feel invaded and territorially defensive. However, there’s a crucial difference between reasonable territorial concerns and using home ownership as a weapon to impose religious practices on adult visitors.
Think about what actually constitutes a reasonable house rule. Taking off muddy shoes protects the carpet. Keeping noise down respects neighbors. Not smoking inside prevents damage and health risks. These rules protect the physical space and the comfort of everyone in it. But requiring an atheist to attend church services, shaming them for acknowledging their relationship status, or suggesting that being unfamiliar with prayers is “the least you could know” doesn’t protect anything. It’s an attempt to enforce conformity through social pressure. The boyfriend’s response is particularly troubling here. By siding with his parents and accusing his girlfriend of disrespect, he’s essentially saying that maintaining family harmony is more important than defending her right to her own beliefs. This isn’t about two different perspectives on etiquette. One person is being asked to participate in religious activities that make her uncomfortable, while the other is merely being asked to accept that not everyone shares their faith.
It’s important to be respectful about religion, but respect goes two ways
Image credits: Josh Applegate / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When approached with curiosity and kindness, some friends or family members might feel open to sharing their thoughts about faith transitions. Respecting each other’s spiritual journeys fosters mutual growth and understanding. The mother in this scenario showed neither curiosity nor kindness. Instead, she responded with shock and offense to the mere acknowledgement that her adult son lives with his girlfriend.
So how do you push back against excessive house rules without causing a family meltdown? First, recognize that you’re not obligated to participate in religious activities just because you’re staying in someone’s home. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decisions and have the right to decline conversations that make you uncomfortable or feel invasive. Politely declining to attend church while offering to help in other ways was actually a graceful compromise that should have been respected. Second, understand that discomfort with your boundaries often reveals more about the other person than about you. Strange house rules often say more about the host’s anxieties and psychological need for control than they do about the guest. The mother’s extreme reaction to the suggestion that her adult son might be sexually active shows she’s struggling with accepting reality, not that the girlfriend committed some grave offense.
The real work here falls on the boyfriend. He needs to have a conversation with his parents before future visits about treating his partner with basic respect. This doesn’t mean his parents have to abandon their values or approve of everything. It means accepting that their house rules don’t extend to controlling the beliefs and participation of adult guests in religious activities. You can respectfully decline to join family religious practices without disrespecting the family itself. When house rules venture into controlling territory, remember that respect is a two way street. You can honor someone’s home and values without surrendering your own identity at the door. The challenge is communicating this boundary clearly and calmly, then being prepared to book a hotel for future visits if necessary. Sometimes the best way to maintain family relationships is from a comfortable distance where everyone can be themselves.
Some thought she was not being unreasonable
Others thought the parents could set the rules in their own home
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What do you think ?
Bumpuff 2 weeks ago
Why are christians always trying to shove their religion on people? As an atheist I don't wander about asking people to give up their beliefs. I got god bothered in the woods the other day whilst walking my dog. I live in the UK where religion mostly invisible (unless the JWs are out door knocking) & considered the preserve of the mentally unwell. The woman who rudely spoke about religion was definitely a bit poorly in her mind, but so incredibly irritating. It's the smug judgement that really grips my s.h.i.t. Also why are religious nuts so bothered by what other people get up to in bed?? They are obsessed, the little pervs! :D
nicholas nolan 2 weeks ago
lol, I find it hilarious that I've lived in the bible belt for most of my adult life, and I have never, not once, had my door knocked on or been stopped in the street by a religious person. But they'll hunt your a*s down in the woods of the UK.
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Trillian 2 weeks ago
I have never heard about something like that here and I would never visit overnight at a house like that. I am an adult and need no one policing where I sleep.
JayWantsACat 1 week ago
I've had a couple of exes whose parents weren't okay with us sleeping in the same room when we visited even though we were adults. I thought it was stupid because we were adults sleeping with each other and, frankly, the last thing we were into was having s*x in her parents' house. We could go a day or two without. LMAO But I agree, it's dumb if you're adults.
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Paul C 2 weeks ago
I had this with a gf from Spain once. Her mother knew we were living together, but when we first visited, I was banished to another room (in another flat too!). They were Catholic, but not massively religious. More a "what would the neighbours think" thing you get with a lot of Catholics. It was once mentioned that I could attend mass with them. I pointed out that being an English heretic, my religion said I had to take everything valuable from any Catholic church I entered and then burn it to the ground. It was never mentioned about me going into a Catholic church again. Pretty sure my future MIL knew I was joking, and she certainly came to love me, but the boundary was set and respected (30 years before I knew what the word boundary meant outside of a cricket pitch).
tori Ohno 1 week ago
I dumped a kid when I was in highschool because of religious parents. Sorry, but I don't believe in religion, (and neither did he, but they made him go). When his mom got on the phone and yelled at me to "Get dressed and get your b**t over here to go to church with us", I told him I'm not going to tolerate that, she has no right to yell at someone else's child, it was over.
FreeTheUnicorn 2 weeks ago
Good for BF for outing milage between him and his toxic family, but he didn't even warn OP about any of this? Parents aren't subtle he knew this was coming and just let OP fight his battles for him. DTMFA
panther 2 weeks ago
He didn't warn her because he is hoping she will learn to conform to his religious beliefs in the future.
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Gebidozo 2 weeks ago
ESH. The OP: it’s their house, and you’re a guest. Either play by their rules, or don’t visit. The parents: if she doesn’t want to go to church, so be it, stop coercing her. The boyfriend: should have warned both parties and arrange a compromise instead of trying to sit in two chairs.
Caro Doughty 1 week ago
I think you need to mature, grow up and give a your MIL more respect. I was over my 30's when my husband flew to meet my parents he is American and I am Mexican. My parents gave us separate rooms, we went to church because new year, and during dinner my dad prayed for him. My husband is not Catholic and both of us were adults but both of us followed their rules because it was their house. My boyfriend now husband participated in our New Year rituals at church, got involved, and felt part of the family. With the time after 12 years together he sometimes doesn't attend church but my parents don't say anything because he was respectful in the beginning, he tried and since my boyfriend accepted to follow his rules, not the he is my husband they respect his rules. You need to grow up and learn you couldn't impose yourself as soon you meet older people or your IL
JayWantsACat 1 week ago
The typical one-way "you're not respecting my beliefs" of Christianity (and, admittedly, other religions). An ex-g/f was religious but not nearly as much as her family. I'm agnostic but went to church a few times to make it easier for my g/f, who NEVER forced nor even asked me to go. I did it because her parents were the ones to give her a hard time about "not spending time with the family" even though they literally had "family events" multiple times every single week and she went to church every Sunday with them. Don;t get me started on her sister not having a job, not going to college full time, like my ex, who got pregnant out of wedlock somehow being the "good daughter" simply because she had no life and lived at home so would attend every single family event. You couldn't make it make sense with those parents.
nicholas nolan 2 weeks ago
NTA. Their house, their rules. The real a*****e is BF who mentioned none of this. I would stay at a hotel, personnally. In fact, that's a good rule of thumb for visiting people out of town, in general.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 2 weeks ago
Does the guy pray before meals and go to church in France or does he only do this in front of his parents? If he really was that religious the couple would have had issues earlier.
Margaret Shannon 1 week ago
Xtians can be so overbearing! I say that as one who tries to follow Jesus. (Tall order, that.) I wish more atheists felt able to be open about their unbelief. I strongly suspect there are vast numbers of atheists, but they are somewhat closeted in the US. Church people very frequently seem to confuse atheism with Satanism, and react fearfully and prejudicially. I yearn for a time when people treat one another with kindness and respect.
Annik Perrot 1 week ago
Happened to me in France, but that was in 1981, and even then, my PIL were à little old-fashioned. My then fiancé and I were returning from à camping trip. His sister and her fiancé were leaving for à camping trip together, (a single tent in each case) and we met at their parents' summer house. Well, I had to sleep in the same room as my SIL, while our fiancés bunked together. We rolled our eyes behind their backs, but... their house, their rules. And about à month later, he had a quarrel with his parents, when he announced that, for convenience's sake, we were moving in together three "whole" months before our wedding. We just didn't want to deal with a move and à wedding at the same time, but there were hurt feelings on both sides. My parents were like , "oh, great, we'll be there, and how can we help?"
Marcella 1 week ago
I had a mother in law that said you either go to church with us Or you move out. We're living in their basement while our house was being built. We'd been invited to a friend's BBQ that was happening during the service time. As soon as the in-laws left for church we packed our car to leave! She called the police on us..
Sarah bell 1 week ago
Really makes me wonder if he has told them that they live separately in Paris. Either way . My family wants unmarried couples to live apart and sleep together onky after marriage. They changed that after I confessed my daughter was already on the way . Lied about my ex living with me amd could get away with it because he mo ed in shorty after we started dating . 19 so an idiot lol. But at 20 I was pregnant and of course he was going to live with me . They spent a few years wanting marriage . We eventually did but it wasn't because of pressure. They were not a*s hats about it just wanted it to happen. But after me my cousin and her bf got to sleep in the same room and my sister anf her bf . On the other side the grandma never even said a word about my previous ex coming over but I was over 18 and she was a mom at 17 so she was pretty understanding.
Jonas Fisher 1 week ago
Tricky one. A lot of this isn't really AH behavior, but culture clash. I could go pretty much any way on all of it, especially remembering that this is all being filtered through one person's perspective and memory. Was the mom really so pushy about the prayer? Maybe... Did she mean to be pushy, or was she just surprised and it came out that way? Maybe... The church thing I could see as a miscommunication. The mom assumed that OP would come along, since it's a "family" thing, you know? You go to visit a family, you expect to do their family things. Honestly, treat it like a new experience, and go along. Walk away with stories to share over baguettes back home. No one's going to try to baptize you.
Trillian 2 weeks ago
Funny how the compromises in these cases always mean the non religious person following the weird religion rules and never the religious people relenting rules for people who don't follow their faith.
Load More Replies... Bumpuff 2 weeks ago
Why are christians always trying to shove their religion on people? As an atheist I don't wander about asking people to give up their beliefs. I got god bothered in the woods the other day whilst walking my dog. I live in the UK where religion mostly invisible (unless the JWs are out door knocking) & considered the preserve of the mentally unwell. The woman who rudely spoke about religion was definitely a bit poorly in her mind, but so incredibly irritating. It's the smug judgement that really grips my s.h.i.t. Also why are religious nuts so bothered by what other people get up to in bed?? They are obsessed, the little pervs! :D
nicholas nolan 2 weeks ago
lol, I find it hilarious that I've lived in the bible belt for most of my adult life, and I have never, not once, had my door knocked on or been stopped in the street by a religious person. But they'll hunt your a*s down in the woods of the UK.
Load More Replies... Trillian 2 weeks ago
I have never heard about something like that here and I would never visit overnight at a house like that. I am an adult and need no one policing where I sleep.
JayWantsACat 1 week ago
I've had a couple of exes whose parents weren't okay with us sleeping in the same room when we visited even though we were adults. I thought it was stupid because we were adults sleeping with each other and, frankly, the last thing we were into was having s*x in her parents' house. We could go a day or two without. LMAO But I agree, it's dumb if you're adults.
Load More Replies... Paul C 2 weeks ago
I had this with a gf from Spain once. Her mother knew we were living together, but when we first visited, I was banished to another room (in another flat too!). They were Catholic, but not massively religious. More a "what would the neighbours think" thing you get with a lot of Catholics. It was once mentioned that I could attend mass with them. I pointed out that being an English heretic, my religion said I had to take everything valuable from any Catholic church I entered and then burn it to the ground. It was never mentioned about me going into a Catholic church again. Pretty sure my future MIL knew I was joking, and she certainly came to love me, but the boundary was set and respected (30 years before I knew what the word boundary meant outside of a cricket pitch).
tori Ohno 1 week ago
I dumped a kid when I was in highschool because of religious parents. Sorry, but I don't believe in religion, (and neither did he, but they made him go). When his mom got on the phone and yelled at me to "Get dressed and get your b**t over here to go to church with us", I told him I'm not going to tolerate that, she has no right to yell at someone else's child, it was over.
FreeTheUnicorn 2 weeks ago
Good for BF for outing milage between him and his toxic family, but he didn't even warn OP about any of this? Parents aren't subtle he knew this was coming and just let OP fight his battles for him. DTMFA
panther 2 weeks ago
He didn't warn her because he is hoping she will learn to conform to his religious beliefs in the future.
Load More Replies... Gebidozo 2 weeks ago
ESH. The OP: it’s their house, and you’re a guest. Either play by their rules, or don’t visit. The parents: if she doesn’t want to go to church, so be it, stop coercing her. The boyfriend: should have warned both parties and arrange a compromise instead of trying to sit in two chairs.
Caro Doughty 1 week ago
I think you need to mature, grow up and give a your MIL more respect. I was over my 30's when my husband flew to meet my parents he is American and I am Mexican. My parents gave us separate rooms, we went to church because new year, and during dinner my dad prayed for him. My husband is not Catholic and both of us were adults but both of us followed their rules because it was their house. My boyfriend now husband participated in our New Year rituals at church, got involved, and felt part of the family. With the time after 12 years together he sometimes doesn't attend church but my parents don't say anything because he was respectful in the beginning, he tried and since my boyfriend accepted to follow his rules, not the he is my husband they respect his rules. You need to grow up and learn you couldn't impose yourself as soon you meet older people or your IL
JayWantsACat 1 week ago
The typical one-way "you're not respecting my beliefs" of Christianity (and, admittedly, other religions). An ex-g/f was religious but not nearly as much as her family. I'm agnostic but went to church a few times to make it easier for my g/f, who NEVER forced nor even asked me to go. I did it because her parents were the ones to give her a hard time about "not spending time with the family" even though they literally had "family events" multiple times every single week and she went to church every Sunday with them. Don;t get me started on her sister not having a job, not going to college full time, like my ex, who got pregnant out of wedlock somehow being the "good daughter" simply because she had no life and lived at home so would attend every single family event. You couldn't make it make sense with those parents.
nicholas nolan 2 weeks ago
NTA. Their house, their rules. The real a*****e is BF who mentioned none of this. I would stay at a hotel, personnally. In fact, that's a good rule of thumb for visiting people out of town, in general.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 2 weeks ago
Does the guy pray before meals and go to church in France or does he only do this in front of his parents? If he really was that religious the couple would have had issues earlier.
Margaret Shannon 1 week ago
Xtians can be so overbearing! I say that as one who tries to follow Jesus. (Tall order, that.) I wish more atheists felt able to be open about their unbelief. I strongly suspect there are vast numbers of atheists, but they are somewhat closeted in the US. Church people very frequently seem to confuse atheism with Satanism, and react fearfully and prejudicially. I yearn for a time when people treat one another with kindness and respect.
Annik Perrot 1 week ago
Happened to me in France, but that was in 1981, and even then, my PIL were à little old-fashioned. My then fiancé and I were returning from à camping trip. His sister and her fiancé were leaving for à camping trip together, (a single tent in each case) and we met at their parents' summer house. Well, I had to sleep in the same room as my SIL, while our fiancés bunked together. We rolled our eyes behind their backs, but... their house, their rules. And about à month later, he had a quarrel with his parents, when he announced that, for convenience's sake, we were moving in together three "whole" months before our wedding. We just didn't want to deal with a move and à wedding at the same time, but there were hurt feelings on both sides. My parents were like , "oh, great, we'll be there, and how can we help?"
Marcella 1 week ago
I had a mother in law that said you either go to church with us Or you move out. We're living in their basement while our house was being built. We'd been invited to a friend's BBQ that was happening during the service time. As soon as the in-laws left for church we packed our car to leave! She called the police on us..
Sarah bell 1 week ago
Really makes me wonder if he has told them that they live separately in Paris. Either way . My family wants unmarried couples to live apart and sleep together onky after marriage. They changed that after I confessed my daughter was already on the way . Lied about my ex living with me amd could get away with it because he mo ed in shorty after we started dating . 19 so an idiot lol. But at 20 I was pregnant and of course he was going to live with me . They spent a few years wanting marriage . We eventually did but it wasn't because of pressure. They were not a*s hats about it just wanted it to happen. But after me my cousin and her bf got to sleep in the same room and my sister anf her bf . On the other side the grandma never even said a word about my previous ex coming over but I was over 18 and she was a mom at 17 so she was pretty understanding.
Jonas Fisher 1 week ago
Tricky one. A lot of this isn't really AH behavior, but culture clash. I could go pretty much any way on all of it, especially remembering that this is all being filtered through one person's perspective and memory. Was the mom really so pushy about the prayer? Maybe... Did she mean to be pushy, or was she just surprised and it came out that way? Maybe... The church thing I could see as a miscommunication. The mom assumed that OP would come along, since it's a "family" thing, you know? You go to visit a family, you expect to do their family things. Honestly, treat it like a new experience, and go along. Walk away with stories to share over baguettes back home. No one's going to try to baptize you.
Trillian 2 weeks ago
Funny how the compromises in these cases always mean the non religious person following the weird religion rules and never the religious people relenting rules for people who don't follow their faith.
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