Woman Figures Out A Near Foolproof Way Of Keeping Men Away, Wonders If It’s Unethical
The unfortunate reality is that many women feel unsafe in public spaces, where they’re harassed by men who want to pick them up. And no, this isn’t about ‘innocent’ flirting—it’s about persistent, aggressive guys who can’t seem to take ‘no’ for an answer and may even resort to threats. They feel like they’re ‘owed’ attention. Some women have had to come up with unusual but highly effective tactics to get them to leave them alone.
In an anonymous post, redditor u/workinthrowway1 revealed that she pretends to be deaf for this reason. However, she felt guilty about pretending to be disabled, so she turned to the AITA online community for their verdict. Scroll down for the full story, as well as to see what the internet had to say.
Many women are victims of harassment in public spaces
Image credits: Chris Ainsworth (not the actual photo)
One woman shared how she deals with men who won’t leave her alone
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
The woman later shared an update on how she plans to handle similar situations in the future
Image credits: workinthrowway1
The woman felt slightly guilty about her tactic to get rid of men, so she turned to the internet for advice
Most AITA community members were on the OP’s side. They fully supported the idea that she’s using whatever ideas are available to her in order to stay safe while out in public. A few redditors also pointed out that it’s the harassers who ought to feel guilty, not her.
Meanwhile, some members of the deaf community added that they don’t care that someone’s pretending to be one of them. Safety—that’s the priority, according to them, not whether someone is sensitive enough about what they might (not) like. A few redditors, though, got offended by the OP’s actions, on behalf of the deaf community.
The OP noted that a new tactic that she is going to try out is speaking to the men who approach her in a foreign language. “I’m going to pretend to speak French (I know a little bit of it),” she wrote in one of her comments.
Image credits: Jack Chen (not the actual photo)
Most people have either been a victim of street harassment or witnessed it
According to a 2021 IPSOS study, 80% of women have experienced sexual harassment in public spaces. Meanwhile, 76% of people have already witnessed this harassment in public.
The ‘Stand Up’ program notes that street harassment can often be subtle and insidious. “But whenever it’s unwanted verbal, non-verbal, physical conduct of a sexual nature, it’s harassment,” the project explains.
Some types of street harassment include invading someone’s personal space, pressing or rubbing up against their body, groping, backhanded compliments, brushing up against them, asking them to ‘smile,’ making sexist jokes, and others. These deeply negative experiences devalue the victims and can be very traumatic.
Image credits: Christopher Alvarenga (not the actual photo)
It’s essential to be aware of your surroundings, no matter where you are
Your safety is paramount, no matter where you are. But when you’re living in a big city or you’ve just arrived at an unfamiliar new location, it makes sense to be more vigilant than usual. This means being aware of your surroundings as much as possible.
This might involve being more careful about where you go at night. For instance, you may want to avoid cutting through parking lots, taking shortcuts through alleys, or getting money from an ATM when it’s dark out. It’s also a good idea to avoid wearing expensive jewelry or designer clothing in areas that are known for criminal activity.
“Don’t hesitate to look around you. Who’s behind you while you’re walking? Next to you?” safety and security expert Cathy Pedrayes told Bored Panda earlier.
“Plan transportation ahead of time, have copies of your passport and leave a copy with someone back home should yours get lost, [and] communicate your travel itinerary with someone back home,” she shared some advice on staying safe while traveling abroad.
Image credits: Filip Mroz (not the actual photo)
Most internet users were on the post author’s side. Here’s what they said
A few readers shared some helpful advice
If the pepper spray isn't enough, get a taser. What a bunch of f*****g creeps. Society needs to do better at teaching men not to be a******s.
Why you're down voted I'll never understand. Probably a man getting offended.
Load More Replies...
Hearing impared person here, please feel free to act as deaf as you wish. And feel free to spread as much sign language as you can!
Thank you for chiming in! It is an HOH/deaf person's word that is the most final here about it not being offensive. <3
Load More Replies...
I would get close and whisper " You have a booger" and point at my nose. They will back up to pick out the booger. Then I'd yell " Don't pick it! Get a tissue!" They are too embarrassed to talk to you again. Works every single time.
When I was younger, I used to tell them "I'm just going to stop you right there and let you know that I am HIV positive. Do you still want to hit on me?" They never did. Probably really unethical and this was when we were quite uninformed about the illness. Still, it proved that the men were only interested in banging me and helped me get rid of them.
Load More Replies...
Selective deafness or a language barrier were my go to tactics to avoid unwanted attention when I still looked like a girl. Saying you're only 14 when I was actually 14 only netted me a stalker for about half a year, so the age card doesn't work. I would recommend that every man goes to some social platform pretending to be a teenage girl for a while just to see and understand the metric f*cktonne of creep young women and girls have to deal with.
Congrats on being you, I hope things go well for you
Load More Replies...
I’m 62 now, so happily past being harassed like I was when I was younger, but back when it was a constant irritant to me, I just said the hell with being polite or embarrassed, and decided to be LOUD. Predators rely on silence and darkness to get away with their crimes, so be LOUD and expose them to as many eyes and ears as you can. Stops them cold. I lived embarrassing the hell out of them for being caught doing their dirty s**t, and forcing them to just slink back under their rocks. Worked for me, might work for others.
She’s definitely not the a*****e. The a******s here are the people harassing her in the first place.
Don't worry about it. Whatever saves your life, don't worry about offending any group, whether they are there or not. Better to have someone offended at you than you being injured, threatened, assaulted or worse. Incidentally, the language that has worked for me is German. I know enough to have a polite conversation with my grandparents when they were alive but because I can make it sound angry, it works. It also helps that I'm 6 feel tall. When all else fails, I act unhinged. Ya know the behavior they use on you? Turns out many of them hate it when you do the same to them, it's fun. Or make a scene about it, sing along to the songs, start a loud story about your pet alligator, eat plants, throw coasters. Do anything to make yourself seem like it's not worth their time or even their own safety. Make them scared. And then curse society and everything else to blame that women need to do this when men don't know how to back off.
To continue since I'm on a roll, stating I'm either a lesbian or married doesn't work. I'm not gay, but when I've claimed I am, it makes them believe they can either "turn me" or try to become part of a 3some. I actually am married and that has had a better success rate but I've had creeps be persistent and say "he doesn't have to know." Yeah, I'm willing to throw away 20 years all so you can have a wet place to stick your d!ck for a few minutes. What a catch!
Load More Replies...
At a hotel swimming pool, a man invited me to his room for a party. I was 14 at the time and told him so. He. Did. Not. Care. Honestly, that's one of the many encounters with men that led me to decide to remain single.
at the point when a male doesn't understand the word NO, anything goes. f**k this entire world.
Don't talk to them in French! They'll find it sexy and will keep on trying 😂 I've come to the conclusion that the only language some men understand is a sword.
Try a language you can make sound angry. German works for me as I know enough to make polite conversation. Nobody knows I'm talking about the weather or how work is going, while sounding like I'm casting curses and threatening you.
Load More Replies...
I knew from the beginning of that that some idiot was going to yell, "Disability appropriation!" I'm so sick of that bullsh*t. I'm disabled and if anyone out there would like to use it as an excuse so they'll be safer out in public, go for it. People need to start minding their own business.
People love to get offended on behalf of others. I don't get it.
Load More Replies...
I'm appalled that women have to resort to ANY tactic beyond the word "no." Why is it the responsibility of women to get a man to understand a simple, one-word response? NTA by any stretch! It's time for men to take responsibility for their own actions and stop acting like ogres. You are not taking advantage of a form of communication by simply standing your ground as a woman against a bunch of self-entitled Neanderthals.
I've been wearing a wedding ring for a long time despite the fact that I'm very much single. Some men won't accept "No" or "I'm not interested" but will accept "I'm married". Still not foolproof obviously, but it's helped me a lot.
Sadly, sometimes even that doesn't work. I used to work in retail and a guy that was a regular customer said to me that the husband doesn't need to know... Ewww. And then you just going to come back again pretending like it didn't happened and expect to be treated like normal person? I think NOT.
Load More Replies...
I know and have met more than a few deaf people and I do not think a single one would feel this was wrong.
You do what you can to protect yourself. I lower my voice and say Sir I'm off-duty but feel free to call the station on 999. They get the message. I'd like to think it'll make them think twice before harassing someone else. Sadly this won't work for all but I've found it a useful deterrent.
I don't have cats but I will tell him all about my 25 cats and the wedding that I planned for 2 of them. That usually works.
I feel really lucky I’m not at an age where men do that yet, but I am honestly really scared. How did humans get to this place in the world?
I have absolutely no idea. It's so horrible. I haven't met any creepy men yet, but I don't really go out alone. Too scared to
Load More Replies... She's definitely NTA, but I can see how she might feel bad about lying. Maybe instead of lying, sign at them, "do you know ASL?". They'll probably assume you're deaf, and you don't have to tell a lie. Although the comment about potentially being snuck up on was a good point. Maybe even better would be to learn a similar phrase in a foreign language that men in that city are unlikely to speak.
If that doesn't work feel free to tell them you have cancer, married to an IRS agent, a guy transistioning, do not speak english....etc....etc....etc...whatever it takes.
Or just tell them you are an IRS agent. And ask their name and number.
Load More Replies...
If someone attacks you and you pick up a cane to defend yourself, you are not pretending to have a limp.
I used to wear a wedding ring and engagement ring set that I inherited from my great grandmother when I first started working at the age of 17. I looked older and I would often get harassed; of course that was in the early 90s, I don't think a woman wearing a wedding ring would put a man off these days!
i luckily dont have people bother me as much as they used to after i got into the alt scene and now wear fake leather and big clunky boots
oooo I love my big boots. I dress more like a pop person but I definitely have my days where I look way more alt. I listen to alt pop music tho lmao
Load More Replies... 
I don't think that punishment fits the crime, but I'd have no objection to her telling the friend "Should I give them your number and you can show me how it's done?"
Load More Replies... NTA. I am an activist who supports disabled people. Our country has very high gender based violence. Protect yourself however you can. I generally advise vulneralbe people to get a car. It saves you a LOT of harassment. What I also have done myself in the past when in this situation is switch language to something totally foreign that no-one in our country is likely to know, like Russian. it works well.
You're South African right? FYI you do indeed have a Russian speaking community and even a couple of Orthodox churches. And as you are the S in BRICS contact between the two countries is increasing. I also doubt that works well for non White people. I have to say getting older and fatter has been the best deterrent for creeps, which is another sad commentary on society.
Load More Replies...
One thing I will say, is that Deaf people do not consider their deafness as a disability. So I don't see the Deaf community being anymore offended then, someone from France being offended by you speaking French. But the comment that someone might attack you because they think you can't hear, is a very valid thought to put in consideration.
I’m Deaf myself. 5’2. And being Native, I looked young for years. So I had plenty of problems with unwanted attention when I was still doing the bar/club thing. So I’m fine with anyone using whatever they need to do to discourage the idiots…I used to have some success with the heel on the foot and a lit cigarette on the hand (the bars/clubs allowed smoking back then).
Virtually anyone nowadays has keys. To a car, to a shed, to the front door, everyone has at least one key. Ball up a fist and put the key between your middle and ring finger, teeth out like a dagger. When you punch with this, make sure you aim for bone. Thankfully never needed this myself as I live in europe, but maybe it can help someone else.
I'm disabled (not deaf but other). I'd have no issue with other women faking having the same disability as me to keep the creeps away if that would work. Do whatever you need to be safe, girl. All that being said, deafness will not always protect you, because they'll try sneak up on you, thinking you can't hear them. A lot of predators deliberately target disabled women to abuse, taking advantage of whatever vulnerabilities they can find.
I used to have this oversized jeans jacket, the cuffs are rolled twice. I like to turtle my hands when I am wearing it. One day, I was approaching this guy, he saw me coming and there was “the look” you just knew he was ready to say something slimy. I turtled one hand, he saw that, and you could almost see him brake and stop himself from being a prick. I use the strategy without guilt.
I think being as fake as you’ve been should keep most people at bay.
It's incredibly sad that some men don't know how to behave in public, and that they actually think they have some sort of right to talk to women and treat them that way. If you experience that kind of abuse, you do whatever you have to do to get out of the situation as quickly as you can as safely as you can. Nothing you do will make you the a*****e.
...are we seriously digging up 3 year old reddit stories now, BP? ._.
So long as women still have to worry about sexual predators, this story will still be timely.
Load More Replies...
Any particular reason why the woman in the pink jacket is doing the "sign language" (I'm pretty sure that hand symbol is not official American Sign Language) for Two in the Pink, One in the Stink? Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shocker_(gesture). That seems a bit off considering what the article is supposed to be about
Did 3 mins of Googling and discovered that is the number 7 in American Sign Language. I am chuckling that Shocker is where you mind went first, though 🤭. Have an upvote
Load More Replies...
If the pepper spray isn't enough, get a taser. What a bunch of f*****g creeps. Society needs to do better at teaching men not to be a******s.
Why you're down voted I'll never understand. Probably a man getting offended.
Load More Replies... Hearing impared person here, please feel free to act as deaf as you wish. And feel free to spread as much sign language as you can!
Thank you for chiming in! It is an HOH/deaf person's word that is the most final here about it not being offensive. <3
Load More Replies... I would get close and whisper " You have a booger" and point at my nose. They will back up to pick out the booger. Then I'd yell " Don't pick it! Get a tissue!" They are too embarrassed to talk to you again. Works every single time.
When I was younger, I used to tell them "I'm just going to stop you right there and let you know that I am HIV positive. Do you still want to hit on me?" They never did. Probably really unethical and this was when we were quite uninformed about the illness. Still, it proved that the men were only interested in banging me and helped me get rid of them.
Load More Replies... Selective deafness or a language barrier were my go to tactics to avoid unwanted attention when I still looked like a girl. Saying you're only 14 when I was actually 14 only netted me a stalker for about half a year, so the age card doesn't work. I would recommend that every man goes to some social platform pretending to be a teenage girl for a while just to see and understand the metric f*cktonne of creep young women and girls have to deal with.
Congrats on being you, I hope things go well for you
Load More Replies... I’m 62 now, so happily past being harassed like I was when I was younger, but back when it was a constant irritant to me, I just said the hell with being polite or embarrassed, and decided to be LOUD. Predators rely on silence and darkness to get away with their crimes, so be LOUD and expose them to as many eyes and ears as you can. Stops them cold. I lived embarrassing the hell out of them for being caught doing their dirty s**t, and forcing them to just slink back under their rocks. Worked for me, might work for others.
She’s definitely not the a*****e. The a******s here are the people harassing her in the first place.
Don't worry about it. Whatever saves your life, don't worry about offending any group, whether they are there or not. Better to have someone offended at you than you being injured, threatened, assaulted or worse. Incidentally, the language that has worked for me is German. I know enough to have a polite conversation with my grandparents when they were alive but because I can make it sound angry, it works. It also helps that I'm 6 feel tall. When all else fails, I act unhinged. Ya know the behavior they use on you? Turns out many of them hate it when you do the same to them, it's fun. Or make a scene about it, sing along to the songs, start a loud story about your pet alligator, eat plants, throw coasters. Do anything to make yourself seem like it's not worth their time or even their own safety. Make them scared. And then curse society and everything else to blame that women need to do this when men don't know how to back off.
To continue since I'm on a roll, stating I'm either a lesbian or married doesn't work. I'm not gay, but when I've claimed I am, it makes them believe they can either "turn me" or try to become part of a 3some. I actually am married and that has had a better success rate but I've had creeps be persistent and say "he doesn't have to know." Yeah, I'm willing to throw away 20 years all so you can have a wet place to stick your d!ck for a few minutes. What a catch!
Load More Replies... At a hotel swimming pool, a man invited me to his room for a party. I was 14 at the time and told him so. He. Did. Not. Care. Honestly, that's one of the many encounters with men that led me to decide to remain single.
at the point when a male doesn't understand the word NO, anything goes. f**k this entire world.
Don't talk to them in French! They'll find it sexy and will keep on trying 😂 I've come to the conclusion that the only language some men understand is a sword.
Try a language you can make sound angry. German works for me as I know enough to make polite conversation. Nobody knows I'm talking about the weather or how work is going, while sounding like I'm casting curses and threatening you.
Load More Replies... I knew from the beginning of that that some idiot was going to yell, "Disability appropriation!" I'm so sick of that bullsh*t. I'm disabled and if anyone out there would like to use it as an excuse so they'll be safer out in public, go for it. People need to start minding their own business.
People love to get offended on behalf of others. I don't get it.
Load More Replies... I'm appalled that women have to resort to ANY tactic beyond the word "no." Why is it the responsibility of women to get a man to understand a simple, one-word response? NTA by any stretch! It's time for men to take responsibility for their own actions and stop acting like ogres. You are not taking advantage of a form of communication by simply standing your ground as a woman against a bunch of self-entitled Neanderthals.
I've been wearing a wedding ring for a long time despite the fact that I'm very much single. Some men won't accept "No" or "I'm not interested" but will accept "I'm married". Still not foolproof obviously, but it's helped me a lot.
Sadly, sometimes even that doesn't work. I used to work in retail and a guy that was a regular customer said to me that the husband doesn't need to know... Ewww. And then you just going to come back again pretending like it didn't happened and expect to be treated like normal person? I think NOT.
Load More Replies... I know and have met more than a few deaf people and I do not think a single one would feel this was wrong.
You do what you can to protect yourself. I lower my voice and say Sir I'm off-duty but feel free to call the station on 999. They get the message. I'd like to think it'll make them think twice before harassing someone else. Sadly this won't work for all but I've found it a useful deterrent.
I don't have cats but I will tell him all about my 25 cats and the wedding that I planned for 2 of them. That usually works.
I feel really lucky I’m not at an age where men do that yet, but I am honestly really scared. How did humans get to this place in the world?
I have absolutely no idea. It's so horrible. I haven't met any creepy men yet, but I don't really go out alone. Too scared to
Load More Replies... She's definitely NTA, but I can see how she might feel bad about lying. Maybe instead of lying, sign at them, "do you know ASL?". They'll probably assume you're deaf, and you don't have to tell a lie. Although the comment about potentially being snuck up on was a good point. Maybe even better would be to learn a similar phrase in a foreign language that men in that city are unlikely to speak.
If that doesn't work feel free to tell them you have cancer, married to an IRS agent, a guy transistioning, do not speak english....etc....etc....etc...whatever it takes.
Or just tell them you are an IRS agent. And ask their name and number.
Load More Replies... If someone attacks you and you pick up a cane to defend yourself, you are not pretending to have a limp.
I used to wear a wedding ring and engagement ring set that I inherited from my great grandmother when I first started working at the age of 17. I looked older and I would often get harassed; of course that was in the early 90s, I don't think a woman wearing a wedding ring would put a man off these days!
i luckily dont have people bother me as much as they used to after i got into the alt scene and now wear fake leather and big clunky boots
oooo I love my big boots. I dress more like a pop person but I definitely have my days where I look way more alt. I listen to alt pop music tho lmao
Load More Replies... I don't think that punishment fits the crime, but I'd have no objection to her telling the friend "Should I give them your number and you can show me how it's done?"
Load More Replies... NTA. I am an activist who supports disabled people. Our country has very high gender based violence. Protect yourself however you can. I generally advise vulneralbe people to get a car. It saves you a LOT of harassment. What I also have done myself in the past when in this situation is switch language to something totally foreign that no-one in our country is likely to know, like Russian. it works well.
You're South African right? FYI you do indeed have a Russian speaking community and even a couple of Orthodox churches. And as you are the S in BRICS contact between the two countries is increasing. I also doubt that works well for non White people. I have to say getting older and fatter has been the best deterrent for creeps, which is another sad commentary on society.
Load More Replies... One thing I will say, is that Deaf people do not consider their deafness as a disability. So I don't see the Deaf community being anymore offended then, someone from France being offended by you speaking French. But the comment that someone might attack you because they think you can't hear, is a very valid thought to put in consideration.
I’m Deaf myself. 5’2. And being Native, I looked young for years. So I had plenty of problems with unwanted attention when I was still doing the bar/club thing. So I’m fine with anyone using whatever they need to do to discourage the idiots…I used to have some success with the heel on the foot and a lit cigarette on the hand (the bars/clubs allowed smoking back then).
Virtually anyone nowadays has keys. To a car, to a shed, to the front door, everyone has at least one key. Ball up a fist and put the key between your middle and ring finger, teeth out like a dagger. When you punch with this, make sure you aim for bone. Thankfully never needed this myself as I live in europe, but maybe it can help someone else.
I'm disabled (not deaf but other). I'd have no issue with other women faking having the same disability as me to keep the creeps away if that would work. Do whatever you need to be safe, girl. All that being said, deafness will not always protect you, because they'll try sneak up on you, thinking you can't hear them. A lot of predators deliberately target disabled women to abuse, taking advantage of whatever vulnerabilities they can find.
I used to have this oversized jeans jacket, the cuffs are rolled twice. I like to turtle my hands when I am wearing it. One day, I was approaching this guy, he saw me coming and there was “the look” you just knew he was ready to say something slimy. I turtled one hand, he saw that, and you could almost see him brake and stop himself from being a prick. I use the strategy without guilt.
I think being as fake as you’ve been should keep most people at bay.
It's incredibly sad that some men don't know how to behave in public, and that they actually think they have some sort of right to talk to women and treat them that way. If you experience that kind of abuse, you do whatever you have to do to get out of the situation as quickly as you can as safely as you can. Nothing you do will make you the a*****e.
...are we seriously digging up 3 year old reddit stories now, BP? ._.
So long as women still have to worry about sexual predators, this story will still be timely.
Load More Replies... Any particular reason why the woman in the pink jacket is doing the "sign language" (I'm pretty sure that hand symbol is not official American Sign Language) for Two in the Pink, One in the Stink? Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shocker_(gesture). That seems a bit off considering what the article is supposed to be about
Did 3 mins of Googling and discovered that is the number 7 in American Sign Language. I am chuckling that Shocker is where you mind went first, though 🤭. Have an upvote
Load More Replies... 
98
95