Husband Goes To Meet Friends And Tricks Wife Into Making Dinner For His Kids, Is Livid After Learning She Ordered Takeout
Relationships are built on empathy and respect but sadly Reddit user TheJordanRiv121 just learned that her marriage lacks both of these components.
The woman is one of those people who work from home, and her partner believes that means she can do chores around the house. You know, because she physically isn’t in the office. Forget the fact that she also needs to provide for the family.
Lost and confused, the woman told the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]’ all about her predicament, asking its members to help her make sense of what’s happening.
This woman was tricked into cooking for her stepchildren while she was working from home, so she simply ordered takeout
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
But her husband didn’t like it one bit
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
People unanimously said she was NTA — “not the a***ole” — and that she needs to reevaluate her relationship
What's unspoken but just as disturbing is that it doesn't sound like he is pulling his own weight financially either. Basically he has put most of the financial responsibility on her, and then gets mad because she is working long hours to fulfill that responsibility. What is he doing with his free time? It sounds like he had plenty of time to pre-make a meal for his kids later. Not only does he want a maid and mother for his kids, he also wants to be supported by her as well. At least that's the way it comes across. If he is looking for more work then that's a different matter but then he shouldn't be upset if she doesn't have the time to cook while she is bearing the primary responsibility of providing for the family.
Yeah, I was waiting for someone to mention that. That lady doesn't just have 2 stepkids, but a leech of a manchild. If he's not working full-time, he can totally do more around the house. An adult, especially one with dependent children should realize how important having an income is. It's not really about takeout either, but manipulation.
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Yet another piece of garbage from a rat's a**s marriage. Leave and move on with your life, Lady. You're just his servant with some disgusting slave options. Yuch.
A bang maid who is also the family slave , nanny, and household drudge.
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In my head I said "RUNNNN FORREST, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
Load More Replies... „I care more about work than my stepchildren“ yeah lol and he cares more about fun then his own children.
The more of these I read, the more I wonder why these people get married in the first place. This woman is 100% in the right here. On the other hand, they haven't been married that long so I doubt he's changed much as a person since before they were married. He also sounds like he's been kind of a deadbeat on the job front for a while. The dude is clearly an ahole but she's an idiot for marrying the ahole
Sadly, alot of people seek codependent relationships not love. AKA THEY marry someone to look after them, their children or to provide them with sex. This is not what being in love is, but it can be blurred lines because being in love will likely make you find all your partners wants acceptable to fulfill. Sorry to say but love itself is rare.
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I knew this was going to make me angry, and I read it anyway, and I was right! I hope she leaves him, this guy is insane! He blatantly lied to her by saying he would cook dinner and then not doing it. On top of that he set unrealistic expectations that OP did not agree to. Then he goes and guilt-trips OP about not caring about the kids enough. I'm surprised he hasn't pulled other people into the argument to complete this textbook case of emotional abuse.
Why did I sing this out like Aretha Franklin's "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" ?
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He needs a nanny, not a wife. Then again, he couldn't afford a nanny if he only works two days a week. I wonder how he'll afford a divorce from his breadwinner wife?
Go to the next one. Wonder if he let the other moms work too and then said: I'm the houseman and got the kids. Why aren't those kids with their moms? She didn't even check why he divorced.
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Not when the dad says, the stepmom will make dinner. I don‘t see the blame with the kids here, just the father.
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Definitely not okay. That’s his partner, not someone to play the “mother” role for him & his children, especially whilst she’s got her own priorities to attend to. She’s not a live-in maid or a hired cook, so she doesn’t have to drop everything to pick up after this lazy bum, who can’t even be bothered to pitch in & be a father to his own kids. If he wants only the healthiest food for his kids, he should’ve thought of that before deciding to be deceitful & dodge his responsibility to attend a party (he could’ve easily prepped meals ahead of time to be heated up later or leave a take-out menu from a healthy alternative takeaway restaurant, since there are plenty of them nowadays). Well, he’s only got himself to blame for what happened. But it’s also a little ridiculous to assume that one fast-food meal is going to poison his children or ruin their whole lives. Honestly, though? If I were a friend of the partner, I’d be telling her to get the hell out of there! 🤔🤷♀️
I briefly (maybe 3-4 months) dated a guy years ago who had a daughter from a marriage and twins boys from another relationship. He just assumed I would be happy to babysit and would disappear to take a nap without asking if I minded if watching the kids. Then he was offended and accused me of hating his kids when I tried talking to him about it. He also had a nasty attitude about marriage and relationships, saying that men don't want marriage or relationships, it's women that force men into them. He wanted a nanny with benefits, not a relationship.
Re d flags flying here why having two exes it this not obvious history there do not.believe they left for financial reasons .get out now while you can you are nothing to this jerk but a glorified doormat and a meal ticket This is pure toxic Wake wake up lady
"You need to get your priorities straight" "You got that right. Later dude." Seriously this guy doesn't want a partner he wants a baby sitter.
It doesn't take a genius to see that this guy is a classic narcissist. Two failed relationshps, manipulation, gaslighting (blaming you for the issue), and then the silent treatment as punishment because you didn't fall for his manipulations. Also, another reason he married you is because you are probably bringing in the main income for the family. He's lazy if he thinks he can get away with just two days a week while you are working your butt off every day. Please don't get pregnant with this man, and get out of this marriage because things are only going to get worse. If you've only been married 6 months, he hasn't even begun to devalue you yet.
Absolutely a narcissist, she must run. it never changes. Definitely does not improve ever never. I know, 22 years I have been a strong , but coward idiot. I have three tremendous amazing resilient children who have spurred me on to keep going. She has no reason to stay and put up with this mental abuse. please be kind to yourself and leave.
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I feel like he probably plans to impregnate you to trap you into staying and being his kids mummy. He also told you about both ex leaving due to financial reasons so that you will feel guilty in to staying. So at some point of you showing signs of leaving, he is going to emotionally blackmail you, saying that you are leaving for the same reasons as the others.
Okay, so he got pissed off because of her working hours - but he took it out on his kids by not feeding them as well as on OP by his behaviour. It's unclear if the engagement party was a last-minute arrangement by the engaged couple, or if he failed to mention it earlier. (Had OP not been working, and been available to attend as he seems he'd wanted, they would've needed to arrange a babysitter and probably to sort dinner before they went out to ensure the meal met his standards anyway.) He promised to do the kids' food, failed to, then told the kids to go to their stepmom at a particular time to request dinner? He is a jerk. OP gave him the choice of make it himself or takeaway - by his actions he chose takeaway.
I'm amazed and amused, Amused Panda....a concise synopsis of a pitiful episode in OP's life. Now, a wee bit louder, please. We want the folks in the balcony to hear you. ;) She's NTA
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NTA without a doubt. But is takeout automatically = fastfood? I worry about the food quality and availability in that area... since you can order for delivery lots of healthy meals nowadays
Right? With all of the services like Uber Eats, Grubhub, etc...you can get amazing restaurant quality food delivered now!
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Is that the most important? That household is very dysfunctional and no amount of meals can fix what is wrong there.
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By 7, I was more than capable of making myself a sandwich or a bowl of cereal. But this isn't on the kids ability to feed themselves specifically. It sounded like the dad had an axe to grind, and told the kids to expect her to make dinner. The dad sucks, and he's emotionally manipulative. He's trying to wear her down into being some subservient little slave girl. Get out while you still can.
Ladies..when a man has a lot of kids by different women and allows you to be the breadwinner while he hangs out. and expects YOU to do the job his baby's mommas should be doing...THAT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. Congrats: the con was to find a useful idiot and YOU are the mark. YOUR NARCISSIST'S hubby's next stop will be to bring you more kids by his side chick..which he will say is your fault he has any cuz you spent too much time working and being a mommy for his brats abd you neglected romance and him. Silly wabbit. Tricks are fir kids..and suckers.
Uhm the FACT that this woman allows herself to take care of this man and another woman's kids, held still for his gas lighting and abuse and is so abused and gullible that she queries strangers on sm about if she is wrong..sort of underlines why he treats her the way he does and why, she will stay and take it. She came from a broken place and in her mind she will now rescue him and his children. NO YOU WON'T..but if you stay long enough you will be even more broke and alone than you were when you met him. Probably falling on Deaf ears but you do not owe this man, his kids this marriage or anything else more of your time. Don't forget what God has joined together no one can tear apart ...but everything together was not joined by God.
Get out. This manchild has one priority and that is himself. He doesn't care or respect you enough to make preparations for his kids so HE can go socialise. He doesn't care or respect the kids enough to make preparations to ensure they are secure and looked after while HE goes out to his mates bash. He works 2 days a week while you knock your pan in earning cash to support his sorry behind and you're still expected to wipe the tiny butts of his children when he can't be bothered. Think it's bad now? Wait 5years. You're going to be another of his exes. Advice-keep taking your contraception or some other poor woman may find herself in the same position as you looking after his children while you have no contact. This guy might have been the bee's knees on the face of it but you picked a lemon. Send him back.
Why does he not work more to support his kids? Are you earning the lionshare and paying for everything? You're being used for a nanny and a bank
Is happening more and more, men that have nothing to offer expect the women to do everything for them. I am not a materialistic person whatsoever but if i have to work for everything i got than why would i need a man in my life. Apparently all they have to offer a woman is s..x and that is not reason enough to getting married and tied up to a loser. That is crazy!!!!!
I would decide to fi d an office to do my work. He doesn't appreciate you and your work. Walk away and force him to take care of his two children! TWO, that he feels need to be watched by the "woman/wife" in his life! I bet he calls it baby-sitting also! There is no baby-sitting when it's your own children! It's called life and responsibility! Holy smokes! Walk away now! Chalk it up to a learning experience and walk away!!
As a family and divorce mediator I disagree with the husband's stance on things. Hanging out with friends is NOT a priority especially when you have kids to take care of and your spouse works to provide her share of the income. Preparing a home cooked meal takes a lot of energy and time. And for the husband to underhandedly demand that the kids eat something she has cooked from home and is pissy pants over her ordering take out is a sign of him looking for situations to argue about. It's very manipulative to also give the wife the silent treatment. Who does this anymore? Definitely not mature adults. You talk about things even when it is difficult to talk about. I'd say divorce would be a good option for the wife since there aren't any mutual children at the moment. You can't raise a man.
I suggest this OP seek therapy. NOT with her spouse, by herself. She needs to examine WHY she has so little sense of self thst she elected to be used and abused by this man and his baby mommas. I have a rule set in stone: never date a man with kids under age 18..if you do you assume the role of maid, house slave and financiers not only to the Manchin but to his many baby mommas who will see you as a fool. I would say leave him but if the OP was too clueless to see this nightmare before it landed then she is still too clueless to know when to bail. He is using her and no doubt she yells herself that is love. Stop being a door mat. If he wants to have his kids eat only certsin food he needs to buy thst food and cook it or send them home to their mothers.
When I read articles like this, I think about my parents and their marriage. They have been married for forty three years and have been there for each other no matter what. They have shared the work of raising children, keeping a house in order, and making sure that said children are fed and well taken care of. My dad would not have even thought twice of doing something like this to my mother. He would have made us a meal or not have had a problem with her ordering take out. This guy is a jerk and she needs to get away from him.
He is a child.,whom refuses to take care of HIS children, but gets mad at you. Absolutely Absurd!
He said she needs to get her priorities straight? When is the divorce? He's gaslighting her. Why, oh why, do people put up with these adult children? Okay, I was young and dumb once too, but there's no way I would put up with this now. Being alone and happy is much better than with someone and miserable.
I feel so bad for the kids. She is 100% in the right about the incident and should not be married to this guy, but when she married him, she made a committment to those children as well. The way she talks about them does not reflect this. She should leave, but those poor kids are the ones who've been let down by everyone in their lives from the sounds of things
Honey, that "thing" must be dipped in gold for you to be putting up with his controlling behaviors. Only 6 months into the marriage and he's treating you like this. Those are HIS kids that HE left hungry. He blames you for ordering take out instead of cooking HIS kids a meal when HE should have cooked before he left. WORKING FROM HOME IS WORKING!!! Since he only works part time, I'm sure that you pay most of the bills. I have these sentences of advice for you. 1. Do not get pregnant. Don't be baby mama Number three. 2. You need to get a divorce. That man does not want a wife. He wants a maid for himself and his kids. There is a man out there who will love you, respect you and treat you like the queen that you are. HE IS NOT THAT MAN!!! MOVE ON!
I'm so tired of reading about stupid women who marry even stupier men who then go and do something stupid and expect the internet to be on their side. You knew full well the dossing, useless man and father he was and you married him anyway. Enjoy the shitshow. If you had any common sense, you'd annul this idiotic marriage and call social services for the kids. But you're yet another stupid woman whose married a moron and wants us to sympathise with you, so I doubt any of that will happen. It's women like you who make the rest of us look bad.
How did she even mange to marry this turd? There's more red flags than Chinese new year. Why would you even marry a man who can't be bothered to work enough to take care of his children. Run don't walk out of that relationship
Not just a bum but an ENTITLED bum with baggage. Smh. Couldn't be me.
If he had any more Red Flags he would be a float at a May Day parade in the U.S.S.R.
1st, he had to know way in advance about this engagement dinner. If OP couldn't take off to go then yes, too busy cook dinner. 2nd HELL NO, he has 2 children & only work 2 days a week, who's the breadwinner here?
You don't have 2 stepchildren, you have 3. One of them just happens to a grown a*s man-child
So he doesn't work but she's the a*****e. Oh she is the a*****e alright- a*****e to herself for tolerating this man.
She is working Also Takeout Counts as A Meal. The Husband Needs A Really Check Get Over it And Whining like a little girl just saying.
why are people on the aita threads too dense to leave the deadweights? im not talking about the people who are scared or trapped in the relationships without money or a support system, im on about the ones like this
You said he got angry at you for not going to the party with him. Who was going to watch the kids? I never heard of a company that wouldn't give a day off or a vacation with enough notice. A lot of things are being left out here or this is just a made up story.
QUESTION: If he is only working 2 days a week, WHO is paying the rent and all the other bills? Or is he being paid child support payments by the other 2 women? Or are you paying for everything (like a fool)?
QUESTION: If he only works 2 days a week, WHO pays the rent and the rest of the bills or is he collecting child support payments from the 2 mothers? Or are you paying for everything - like a fool?
NTA!!! RUN!!! AND GET SOME HELP FOR THE KIDS!!! This is toxic financial and ...I guess parental kinda abuse! I'm sure the other women were given 2 options. Leave and he keeps the kids OR continue to support him financially AND raise the kids. Basically, work yourself to death for MY sake alone! He needs a reality check!
You might still be in the time constraints of getting an annulment. Run from this child of a man.
Look at the fact that there are two exes who have walked away from their children and him. There might be much more going on than you know. Besides the fact that he has no respect for you and your livelihood, he sounds lazy and very entitled. Did any of this behavior spill out while you were dating? I mean, "get YOUR priorities straight" with respect to HIS children?
I think the same when i see ridiculous posts like this one. But i did come across a similar case in real life. Luckily she dumped him
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My question is, why and how did you marry someone with children who have "uninvolved" mothers not knowing that it means you'd have to take on a motherly role? Your snide "God forbid" comment about caring more about work than the kids shows that you are not prepared for this role, so why marry someone with basically motherless children? Package deal?!?! That being said, I don't necessarily think you're the A-hole in this. I think your husband's behavior also indicates red flags. But so does yours. You are not right for each other and those kids deserve a step MOTHER, not just a woman who married their father. ESH
How tf can op be ah is beyond me. I mean, she is one to herself, because she lets this man use and abuse her, but.... She should dump his posterior, bevause i can't see how she benefits from this marriage. Why do women put themselves in bad financial places for men???
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Wow what a piece of work he is. He is not using physical abuse but it is emotion and psychological abuse
Blackmailing you into caring for HIS kids while he parties and you work. You are married to a real winner. Not. I'd get out of this marriage ASAP and then go find a way to give him permanent financial problems with the mothers of his kids.
Is six months too late for an annulment? He should get absolutely no benefit from this sham marriage. He should not have the ability to get one penny from her.
Dump his masochistic butt now. He does not see you as a partner in this marriage!
I just... I end up having little to no sympathy for people who marry people like that and then have to deal with how terrible they are. You built your house, you live in it. You can get a divorce (or have declined to marry them in the first place...)
I get that it's hard for people who don't know what it's like to empathize with people in these situations. But most people will at least try to understand as best they can. It's not always so easy to get out of these types of relationships. And sometimes it takes a while for some people to realise when a red flag is being waved, even if it's right in their face. You judge people because you don't have any understanding. So I'm gonna judge you and assume that you're a shitty person, whose ideals are far from empathetic, sympathetic and realistic. When you have a s**t time in your life and you need someone to understand that it wasn't what you wanted to happen, but you could have made a different choice. I hope you have someone that cares enough to try and see things from your perspective.
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Holy H###! I suppose someone could suggest you might have figured this child/man out before getting married...but, those of us who have lived a bit know there are some thing you cannot predict prior to living closely with someone else. Now you know what type person you married. Lazy, irresponsible, self-important, selfish and struck at age 17-18 wanting mommy to take care of all the serious stuff. Do you really want to stay attached to someone who is incapable of seeing how HE needs to stop up for his own children and for his wife? I doubt if he will change - why should he? You are carrying the lions share of the burden of being an adult, what does he offer? Apparently, nothing you can count upon. it's time to see a lawyer and a therapist. You need to clarify what you want and how you can move forward with or without this leech. BTW: Time to look at how the money is earned and how it is spent. Seems he wants a mommy, not a wife.
No way I'm h would I stay married too this idiot. He married you for money and baby sitter too jos mistakes not yours.. get out they are young kids now. Imagine your time and baml account when they are teenagers,college. Lady put your running shoes on and run like the wind.. NOW!
I still have to wonder just how messed up were the women he had kids with!?! Why would they give him custody? How messed up were they? Get out now and call CPS as HIS priorities are messed up not yours. He basically doesn't work AND doesn't take care of his kids!
I wonder if he let them get the money in and do everything and then said: I'm the houseman and she's crazy and got em. Why are they not with their moms? He sounds like a narcissist.
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Seems like your husband only cares about himself and his kids and he only wanted a full time babysitter and housekeeper in you who also works. He's selfish, manipulative and unsupportive and doesn't respect you or your job that probably pays the bills as he only works twice a week. How does that help support a family? Where is he at when he's not at work and in his free time? Marriage is supposed to be a loving partnership where two people work together and love and support one another along the way. He's not doing that. So I would get a good lawyer, settle my financials and leave this marriage. Make sure he gets nothing.
This whole situation is bad and completely sexist. If this were the other way around the husband would be the a**. If he was the financial provider, she worked part time, he would be expected to help with house work. If she had an important event, he would be expected to step up. If he was the step parent he would be expected to accept those kids and all that comes with being a parent. Now the way he handled the dinner thing was an Ahole move. Leaving her in a jam and not telling her was wrong. The kids are not going to die with occasionally eating take out. If he is that against it, he could have made a quick meal. I do agree she needs to stop looking at them as "his kids" she knew the situation and agreed when they moved in together and even more so when she married him. I am a "step mother" i knew he had primary custody, i knew we would have him majority of the time and would need to be an instant mother. This is what you agree to when you are with someone with kids.
It's not sexist. It would be if those were their kids. But they're his kids so his responsibility.
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I have so many mixed feelings on this. Did you go into the relationship knowing about the kid's situation? You took on the roll of step mum you knew what that involved. But on the other hand wth is wrong with the daddy. He expects u to be mummy and slave so I'd two foot it out of there faster than you can say take away!
He took on the roll of dad, he knew what that involved. Actually feeding your damn kids.
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Wow wow wow, so just cause they're not her own biological kids, she brings this into question..? What a b***h, I hope cause she's working from home, i won't assume that's her excuse and wont make me be that a*****e, i only hope that she'll be just as much a b***h to her own kids and not bother to get off that chair and cook for her own kids a homemade dinner, cause only then I'll be somewhat empathetic, if I was her husband, file a divorce asap, what a f*****g selfish a*s woman, p.s: my hostile response is based only cause she has no kids of her, so regardless, based on the information provided, she gets to still spend time on her own damn self..
Get off the drugs. Also, didn't you read the part where the father went to a party instead of "cook for his own kids a homemade dinner". What a joke you are.... i assume that's why you're so filled with hate (at the wrong person). But the divorce idea is good advice, she should totally divorce this guy. He doesn't bring anything to the table anyway.
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They're not her kids. That's why she said "his" kids. It's wrong to refer to someone else's kids as yours, actually. And lots of parents have issues with stepparents saying that the stepkids are their kids.
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What's unspoken but just as disturbing is that it doesn't sound like he is pulling his own weight financially either. Basically he has put most of the financial responsibility on her, and then gets mad because she is working long hours to fulfill that responsibility. What is he doing with his free time? It sounds like he had plenty of time to pre-make a meal for his kids later. Not only does he want a maid and mother for his kids, he also wants to be supported by her as well. At least that's the way it comes across. If he is looking for more work then that's a different matter but then he shouldn't be upset if she doesn't have the time to cook while she is bearing the primary responsibility of providing for the family.
Yeah, I was waiting for someone to mention that. That lady doesn't just have 2 stepkids, but a leech of a manchild. If he's not working full-time, he can totally do more around the house. An adult, especially one with dependent children should realize how important having an income is. It's not really about takeout either, but manipulation.
Load More Replies... Yet another piece of garbage from a rat's a**s marriage. Leave and move on with your life, Lady. You're just his servant with some disgusting slave options. Yuch.
A bang maid who is also the family slave , nanny, and household drudge.
Load More Replies... In my head I said "RUNNNN FORREST, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
Load More Replies... „I care more about work than my stepchildren“ yeah lol and he cares more about fun then his own children.
The more of these I read, the more I wonder why these people get married in the first place. This woman is 100% in the right here. On the other hand, they haven't been married that long so I doubt he's changed much as a person since before they were married. He also sounds like he's been kind of a deadbeat on the job front for a while. The dude is clearly an ahole but she's an idiot for marrying the ahole
Sadly, alot of people seek codependent relationships not love. AKA THEY marry someone to look after them, their children or to provide them with sex. This is not what being in love is, but it can be blurred lines because being in love will likely make you find all your partners wants acceptable to fulfill. Sorry to say but love itself is rare.
Load More Replies... I knew this was going to make me angry, and I read it anyway, and I was right! I hope she leaves him, this guy is insane! He blatantly lied to her by saying he would cook dinner and then not doing it. On top of that he set unrealistic expectations that OP did not agree to. Then he goes and guilt-trips OP about not caring about the kids enough. I'm surprised he hasn't pulled other people into the argument to complete this textbook case of emotional abuse.
Why did I sing this out like Aretha Franklin's "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" ?
Load More Replies... He needs a nanny, not a wife. Then again, he couldn't afford a nanny if he only works two days a week. I wonder how he'll afford a divorce from his breadwinner wife?
Go to the next one. Wonder if he let the other moms work too and then said: I'm the houseman and got the kids. Why aren't those kids with their moms? She didn't even check why he divorced.
Load More Replies... Not when the dad says, the stepmom will make dinner. I don‘t see the blame with the kids here, just the father.
Load More Replies... Definitely not okay. That’s his partner, not someone to play the “mother” role for him & his children, especially whilst she’s got her own priorities to attend to. She’s not a live-in maid or a hired cook, so she doesn’t have to drop everything to pick up after this lazy bum, who can’t even be bothered to pitch in & be a father to his own kids. If he wants only the healthiest food for his kids, he should’ve thought of that before deciding to be deceitful & dodge his responsibility to attend a party (he could’ve easily prepped meals ahead of time to be heated up later or leave a take-out menu from a healthy alternative takeaway restaurant, since there are plenty of them nowadays). Well, he’s only got himself to blame for what happened. But it’s also a little ridiculous to assume that one fast-food meal is going to poison his children or ruin their whole lives. Honestly, though? If I were a friend of the partner, I’d be telling her to get the hell out of there! 🤔🤷♀️
I briefly (maybe 3-4 months) dated a guy years ago who had a daughter from a marriage and twins boys from another relationship. He just assumed I would be happy to babysit and would disappear to take a nap without asking if I minded if watching the kids. Then he was offended and accused me of hating his kids when I tried talking to him about it. He also had a nasty attitude about marriage and relationships, saying that men don't want marriage or relationships, it's women that force men into them. He wanted a nanny with benefits, not a relationship.
Re d flags flying here why having two exes it this not obvious history there do not.believe they left for financial reasons .get out now while you can you are nothing to this jerk but a glorified doormat and a meal ticket This is pure toxic Wake wake up lady
"You need to get your priorities straight" "You got that right. Later dude." Seriously this guy doesn't want a partner he wants a baby sitter.
It doesn't take a genius to see that this guy is a classic narcissist. Two failed relationshps, manipulation, gaslighting (blaming you for the issue), and then the silent treatment as punishment because you didn't fall for his manipulations. Also, another reason he married you is because you are probably bringing in the main income for the family. He's lazy if he thinks he can get away with just two days a week while you are working your butt off every day. Please don't get pregnant with this man, and get out of this marriage because things are only going to get worse. If you've only been married 6 months, he hasn't even begun to devalue you yet.
Absolutely a narcissist, she must run. it never changes. Definitely does not improve ever never. I know, 22 years I have been a strong , but coward idiot. I have three tremendous amazing resilient children who have spurred me on to keep going. She has no reason to stay and put up with this mental abuse. please be kind to yourself and leave.
Load More Replies... I feel like he probably plans to impregnate you to trap you into staying and being his kids mummy. He also told you about both ex leaving due to financial reasons so that you will feel guilty in to staying. So at some point of you showing signs of leaving, he is going to emotionally blackmail you, saying that you are leaving for the same reasons as the others.
Okay, so he got pissed off because of her working hours - but he took it out on his kids by not feeding them as well as on OP by his behaviour. It's unclear if the engagement party was a last-minute arrangement by the engaged couple, or if he failed to mention it earlier. (Had OP not been working, and been available to attend as he seems he'd wanted, they would've needed to arrange a babysitter and probably to sort dinner before they went out to ensure the meal met his standards anyway.) He promised to do the kids' food, failed to, then told the kids to go to their stepmom at a particular time to request dinner? He is a jerk. OP gave him the choice of make it himself or takeaway - by his actions he chose takeaway.
I'm amazed and amused, Amused Panda....a concise synopsis of a pitiful episode in OP's life. Now, a wee bit louder, please. We want the folks in the balcony to hear you. ;) She's NTA
Load More Replies... NTA without a doubt. But is takeout automatically = fastfood? I worry about the food quality and availability in that area... since you can order for delivery lots of healthy meals nowadays
Right? With all of the services like Uber Eats, Grubhub, etc...you can get amazing restaurant quality food delivered now!
Load More Replies... Is that the most important? That household is very dysfunctional and no amount of meals can fix what is wrong there.
Load More Replies... By 7, I was more than capable of making myself a sandwich or a bowl of cereal. But this isn't on the kids ability to feed themselves specifically. It sounded like the dad had an axe to grind, and told the kids to expect her to make dinner. The dad sucks, and he's emotionally manipulative. He's trying to wear her down into being some subservient little slave girl. Get out while you still can.
Ladies..when a man has a lot of kids by different women and allows you to be the breadwinner while he hangs out. and expects YOU to do the job his baby's mommas should be doing...THAT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. Congrats: the con was to find a useful idiot and YOU are the mark. YOUR NARCISSIST'S hubby's next stop will be to bring you more kids by his side chick..which he will say is your fault he has any cuz you spent too much time working and being a mommy for his brats abd you neglected romance and him. Silly wabbit. Tricks are fir kids..and suckers.
Uhm the FACT that this woman allows herself to take care of this man and another woman's kids, held still for his gas lighting and abuse and is so abused and gullible that she queries strangers on sm about if she is wrong..sort of underlines why he treats her the way he does and why, she will stay and take it. She came from a broken place and in her mind she will now rescue him and his children. NO YOU WON'T..but if you stay long enough you will be even more broke and alone than you were when you met him. Probably falling on Deaf ears but you do not owe this man, his kids this marriage or anything else more of your time. Don't forget what God has joined together no one can tear apart ...but everything together was not joined by God.
Get out. This manchild has one priority and that is himself. He doesn't care or respect you enough to make preparations for his kids so HE can go socialise. He doesn't care or respect the kids enough to make preparations to ensure they are secure and looked after while HE goes out to his mates bash. He works 2 days a week while you knock your pan in earning cash to support his sorry behind and you're still expected to wipe the tiny butts of his children when he can't be bothered. Think it's bad now? Wait 5years. You're going to be another of his exes. Advice-keep taking your contraception or some other poor woman may find herself in the same position as you looking after his children while you have no contact. This guy might have been the bee's knees on the face of it but you picked a lemon. Send him back.
Why does he not work more to support his kids? Are you earning the lionshare and paying for everything? You're being used for a nanny and a bank
Is happening more and more, men that have nothing to offer expect the women to do everything for them. I am not a materialistic person whatsoever but if i have to work for everything i got than why would i need a man in my life. Apparently all they have to offer a woman is s..x and that is not reason enough to getting married and tied up to a loser. That is crazy!!!!!
I would decide to fi d an office to do my work. He doesn't appreciate you and your work. Walk away and force him to take care of his two children! TWO, that he feels need to be watched by the "woman/wife" in his life! I bet he calls it baby-sitting also! There is no baby-sitting when it's your own children! It's called life and responsibility! Holy smokes! Walk away now! Chalk it up to a learning experience and walk away!!
As a family and divorce mediator I disagree with the husband's stance on things. Hanging out with friends is NOT a priority especially when you have kids to take care of and your spouse works to provide her share of the income. Preparing a home cooked meal takes a lot of energy and time. And for the husband to underhandedly demand that the kids eat something she has cooked from home and is pissy pants over her ordering take out is a sign of him looking for situations to argue about. It's very manipulative to also give the wife the silent treatment. Who does this anymore? Definitely not mature adults. You talk about things even when it is difficult to talk about. I'd say divorce would be a good option for the wife since there aren't any mutual children at the moment. You can't raise a man.
I suggest this OP seek therapy. NOT with her spouse, by herself. She needs to examine WHY she has so little sense of self thst she elected to be used and abused by this man and his baby mommas. I have a rule set in stone: never date a man with kids under age 18..if you do you assume the role of maid, house slave and financiers not only to the Manchin but to his many baby mommas who will see you as a fool. I would say leave him but if the OP was too clueless to see this nightmare before it landed then she is still too clueless to know when to bail. He is using her and no doubt she yells herself that is love. Stop being a door mat. If he wants to have his kids eat only certsin food he needs to buy thst food and cook it or send them home to their mothers.
When I read articles like this, I think about my parents and their marriage. They have been married for forty three years and have been there for each other no matter what. They have shared the work of raising children, keeping a house in order, and making sure that said children are fed and well taken care of. My dad would not have even thought twice of doing something like this to my mother. He would have made us a meal or not have had a problem with her ordering take out. This guy is a jerk and she needs to get away from him.
He is a child.,whom refuses to take care of HIS children, but gets mad at you. Absolutely Absurd!
He said she needs to get her priorities straight? When is the divorce? He's gaslighting her. Why, oh why, do people put up with these adult children? Okay, I was young and dumb once too, but there's no way I would put up with this now. Being alone and happy is much better than with someone and miserable.
I feel so bad for the kids. She is 100% in the right about the incident and should not be married to this guy, but when she married him, she made a committment to those children as well. The way she talks about them does not reflect this. She should leave, but those poor kids are the ones who've been let down by everyone in their lives from the sounds of things
Honey, that "thing" must be dipped in gold for you to be putting up with his controlling behaviors. Only 6 months into the marriage and he's treating you like this. Those are HIS kids that HE left hungry. He blames you for ordering take out instead of cooking HIS kids a meal when HE should have cooked before he left. WORKING FROM HOME IS WORKING!!! Since he only works part time, I'm sure that you pay most of the bills. I have these sentences of advice for you. 1. Do not get pregnant. Don't be baby mama Number three. 2. You need to get a divorce. That man does not want a wife. He wants a maid for himself and his kids. There is a man out there who will love you, respect you and treat you like the queen that you are. HE IS NOT THAT MAN!!! MOVE ON!
I'm so tired of reading about stupid women who marry even stupier men who then go and do something stupid and expect the internet to be on their side. You knew full well the dossing, useless man and father he was and you married him anyway. Enjoy the shitshow. If you had any common sense, you'd annul this idiotic marriage and call social services for the kids. But you're yet another stupid woman whose married a moron and wants us to sympathise with you, so I doubt any of that will happen. It's women like you who make the rest of us look bad.
How did she even mange to marry this turd? There's more red flags than Chinese new year. Why would you even marry a man who can't be bothered to work enough to take care of his children. Run don't walk out of that relationship
Not just a bum but an ENTITLED bum with baggage. Smh. Couldn't be me.
If he had any more Red Flags he would be a float at a May Day parade in the U.S.S.R.
1st, he had to know way in advance about this engagement dinner. If OP couldn't take off to go then yes, too busy cook dinner. 2nd HELL NO, he has 2 children & only work 2 days a week, who's the breadwinner here?
You don't have 2 stepchildren, you have 3. One of them just happens to a grown a*s man-child
So he doesn't work but she's the a*****e. Oh she is the a*****e alright- a*****e to herself for tolerating this man.
She is working Also Takeout Counts as A Meal. The Husband Needs A Really Check Get Over it And Whining like a little girl just saying.
why are people on the aita threads too dense to leave the deadweights? im not talking about the people who are scared or trapped in the relationships without money or a support system, im on about the ones like this
You said he got angry at you for not going to the party with him. Who was going to watch the kids? I never heard of a company that wouldn't give a day off or a vacation with enough notice. A lot of things are being left out here or this is just a made up story.
QUESTION: If he is only working 2 days a week, WHO is paying the rent and all the other bills? Or is he being paid child support payments by the other 2 women? Or are you paying for everything (like a fool)?
QUESTION: If he only works 2 days a week, WHO pays the rent and the rest of the bills or is he collecting child support payments from the 2 mothers? Or are you paying for everything - like a fool?
NTA!!! RUN!!! AND GET SOME HELP FOR THE KIDS!!! This is toxic financial and ...I guess parental kinda abuse! I'm sure the other women were given 2 options. Leave and he keeps the kids OR continue to support him financially AND raise the kids. Basically, work yourself to death for MY sake alone! He needs a reality check!
You might still be in the time constraints of getting an annulment. Run from this child of a man.
Look at the fact that there are two exes who have walked away from their children and him. There might be much more going on than you know. Besides the fact that he has no respect for you and your livelihood, he sounds lazy and very entitled. Did any of this behavior spill out while you were dating? I mean, "get YOUR priorities straight" with respect to HIS children?
I think the same when i see ridiculous posts like this one. But i did come across a similar case in real life. Luckily she dumped him
Load More Replies... My question is, why and how did you marry someone with children who have "uninvolved" mothers not knowing that it means you'd have to take on a motherly role? Your snide "God forbid" comment about caring more about work than the kids shows that you are not prepared for this role, so why marry someone with basically motherless children? Package deal?!?! That being said, I don't necessarily think you're the A-hole in this. I think your husband's behavior also indicates red flags. But so does yours. You are not right for each other and those kids deserve a step MOTHER, not just a woman who married their father. ESH
How tf can op be ah is beyond me. I mean, she is one to herself, because she lets this man use and abuse her, but.... She should dump his posterior, bevause i can't see how she benefits from this marriage. Why do women put themselves in bad financial places for men???
Load More Replies... Wow what a piece of work he is. He is not using physical abuse but it is emotion and psychological abuse
Blackmailing you into caring for HIS kids while he parties and you work. You are married to a real winner. Not. I'd get out of this marriage ASAP and then go find a way to give him permanent financial problems with the mothers of his kids.
Is six months too late for an annulment? He should get absolutely no benefit from this sham marriage. He should not have the ability to get one penny from her.
Dump his masochistic butt now. He does not see you as a partner in this marriage!
I just... I end up having little to no sympathy for people who marry people like that and then have to deal with how terrible they are. You built your house, you live in it. You can get a divorce (or have declined to marry them in the first place...)
I get that it's hard for people who don't know what it's like to empathize with people in these situations. But most people will at least try to understand as best they can. It's not always so easy to get out of these types of relationships. And sometimes it takes a while for some people to realise when a red flag is being waved, even if it's right in their face. You judge people because you don't have any understanding. So I'm gonna judge you and assume that you're a shitty person, whose ideals are far from empathetic, sympathetic and realistic. When you have a s**t time in your life and you need someone to understand that it wasn't what you wanted to happen, but you could have made a different choice. I hope you have someone that cares enough to try and see things from your perspective.
Load More Replies... Holy H###! I suppose someone could suggest you might have figured this child/man out before getting married...but, those of us who have lived a bit know there are some thing you cannot predict prior to living closely with someone else. Now you know what type person you married. Lazy, irresponsible, self-important, selfish and struck at age 17-18 wanting mommy to take care of all the serious stuff. Do you really want to stay attached to someone who is incapable of seeing how HE needs to stop up for his own children and for his wife? I doubt if he will change - why should he? You are carrying the lions share of the burden of being an adult, what does he offer? Apparently, nothing you can count upon. it's time to see a lawyer and a therapist. You need to clarify what you want and how you can move forward with or without this leech. BTW: Time to look at how the money is earned and how it is spent. Seems he wants a mommy, not a wife.
No way I'm h would I stay married too this idiot. He married you for money and baby sitter too jos mistakes not yours.. get out they are young kids now. Imagine your time and baml account when they are teenagers,college. Lady put your running shoes on and run like the wind.. NOW!
I still have to wonder just how messed up were the women he had kids with!?! Why would they give him custody? How messed up were they? Get out now and call CPS as HIS priorities are messed up not yours. He basically doesn't work AND doesn't take care of his kids!
I wonder if he let them get the money in and do everything and then said: I'm the houseman and she's crazy and got em. Why are they not with their moms? He sounds like a narcissist.
Load More Replies... Seems like your husband only cares about himself and his kids and he only wanted a full time babysitter and housekeeper in you who also works. He's selfish, manipulative and unsupportive and doesn't respect you or your job that probably pays the bills as he only works twice a week. How does that help support a family? Where is he at when he's not at work and in his free time? Marriage is supposed to be a loving partnership where two people work together and love and support one another along the way. He's not doing that. So I would get a good lawyer, settle my financials and leave this marriage. Make sure he gets nothing.
This whole situation is bad and completely sexist. If this were the other way around the husband would be the a**. If he was the financial provider, she worked part time, he would be expected to help with house work. If she had an important event, he would be expected to step up. If he was the step parent he would be expected to accept those kids and all that comes with being a parent. Now the way he handled the dinner thing was an Ahole move. Leaving her in a jam and not telling her was wrong. The kids are not going to die with occasionally eating take out. If he is that against it, he could have made a quick meal. I do agree she needs to stop looking at them as "his kids" she knew the situation and agreed when they moved in together and even more so when she married him. I am a "step mother" i knew he had primary custody, i knew we would have him majority of the time and would need to be an instant mother. This is what you agree to when you are with someone with kids.
It's not sexist. It would be if those were their kids. But they're his kids so his responsibility.
Load More Replies... I have so many mixed feelings on this. Did you go into the relationship knowing about the kid's situation? You took on the roll of step mum you knew what that involved. But on the other hand wth is wrong with the daddy. He expects u to be mummy and slave so I'd two foot it out of there faster than you can say take away!
He took on the roll of dad, he knew what that involved. Actually feeding your damn kids.
Load More Replies... Wow wow wow, so just cause they're not her own biological kids, she brings this into question..? What a b***h, I hope cause she's working from home, i won't assume that's her excuse and wont make me be that a*****e, i only hope that she'll be just as much a b***h to her own kids and not bother to get off that chair and cook for her own kids a homemade dinner, cause only then I'll be somewhat empathetic, if I was her husband, file a divorce asap, what a f*****g selfish a*s woman, p.s: my hostile response is based only cause she has no kids of her, so regardless, based on the information provided, she gets to still spend time on her own damn self..
Get off the drugs. Also, didn't you read the part where the father went to a party instead of "cook for his own kids a homemade dinner". What a joke you are.... i assume that's why you're so filled with hate (at the wrong person). But the divorce idea is good advice, she should totally divorce this guy. He doesn't bring anything to the table anyway.
Load More Replies... They're not her kids. That's why she said "his" kids. It's wrong to refer to someone else's kids as yours, actually. And lots of parents have issues with stepparents saying that the stepkids are their kids.
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