“AITA For ‘Forcing’ My Fiancé To Quit His Job That He Loves?”: Woman Plans To Go Back To Work After Giving Birth As She Earns More Than Her Fiancé
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A 26-year-old woman who is expecting her first child with her fiance turned to the AITA community on Reddit to ask if she is wrong to want to go back to work after the baby’s born.
“He works over an hour from where we live, makes around $800-$900 per week and works full-time. However, I make around $1800-$1900 a week working the same hours. We decided daycare wasn’t an option due to price, location and not wanting to put a newborn into daycare,” the author explained.
The Redditor made a decision to go back to work while her fiance will quit his job to look after their son. While for many, this would sound like a rational decision, it’s not the case for the author’s in-laws, who see the plan as “unnatural” and even “cruel” to their son.
After upsetting her in-laws, this expecting mother wonders if she’s wrong to want to go back to work while her fiance looks after their baby
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: natalialebedinskaia (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Case_9067
More and more dads are staying at home and tending to childcare than ever before, the new data shows. According to the Pew Research Center, an estimated 2.1 million fathers were stay-at-home dads in 2021—up 8% since 1989. The increase is attributed, in large part, to women out-earning their male partners.
Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, the CEO of Disaster Avoidance Experts and best-selling author of seven books, including a global bestseller Never Go With Your Gut: How Pioneering Leaders Make the Best Decisions and Avoid Business Disasters who explained that with the increasing amount of remote work available, we’ve seen shifts in gender roles.
“There is a shift in traditional gender roles and expectations, with fathers taking a more active role in childcare and household responsibilities. For example, in a survey of over 1000 dads conducted, 84% of dads believed that they had been more involved with their children during the pandemic,” Dr. Tsipursky said.
He continued: “They said they understand their children better, understand their spouse better, and have greater respect for their children’s teachers. Likewise, companies are increasingly offering paid parental leave and other benefits that make it easier for fathers to take time off work to care for their children.”
Meanwhile, Joanne Harris, a feminist writer, storyteller, and advocate for authors’ rights, who is currently the Chair of the Society of Authors (SOA) and a member of the Board of the Authors’ Licensing and Collecting Society (ALCS), believes that gender stereotyping is on the rise.
“With it, there is a growing hostility to those who don’t conform to the roles imposed by a patriarchal society. We really need to address this new lurch towards conservatism and intolerance, and to be more intersectional in our allyship – otherwise, the patriarchy wins every time,” Harris commented.
Many people expressed their support for the author and said that there’s nothing wrong in their plan 
im sooo sick of these posts where all the comments unanimously agree on an answer & even the op makes it clear in the original post that they're in the right. i get that she may have needed to post to reddit to validate her feelings, but this is such a nothing sandwich as all conflict is resolved within the post itself: dad wants to do it, family is pressuring him & his wife out of it. no moral dilemma at all. why is bp even reposting this? there's nothing of substance in the post itself & the comments are even less interesting because they just restate what we already read, & then of course there's the useless write up by the borING panda "authorS". TWO OF THEM couldn't find anything better to write about than this?? if you're going to post aita s**t, at least pick the intriguing posts to get people thinking & talking.
Also, the click bait title... I believe there are different sections on Reddit, kind of "I just need to vend" sections, where this would have been fine.
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Nta. Dad is a parent as much as mom is and aside from breastfeeding, can do everything she can. The reality of getting a kid is that often one parent has to put their career on hold for a while and if mom earns twice as dad then it makes sense that dad stays at home.
I did it. I do regret some of it... But never that my daughter had so much time with her father... What they did, what he taught her.... I love it...
WE agree on something, but someone who has no skin in the game has a different opinion....Quick let me run to social media and ask a bunch of strangers if we are wrong. SMDH the AITA threads are just full of people looking for affirmations or to brag about something stupid.
Your husband needs to step up and tell his family to f*ck off. That this is a mutual decision and you are not "forcing" him to do anything he doesn't want to - as a matter of fact, it was HIS idea. And if they want to continue to be a part of your child's life, they'd better learn to accept your parenting decisions and keep their mediaeval opinions to themselves.
Nobody should have to live their life based on stereotypes, but when you do go against the grain, there are ways to smooth that out and create boundaries. Are they at fault because people are being sexist? No, of course not. But I have advice. When an opposite gender couple makes this sort of gender non-comforing decision, it needs to be championed by the person the outside will consider the "victim". In this case, the outsider narrative is "This mean, pushy wife is emasculating her poor husband and forcing him to stay at home because she's heartless and hates him and the children." Or something like that, right? So for her to defend, just confirms their opinions. He needs to stand up, and he needs to explain what the real truth is. This was his idea, and his choice. He wasn't forced or coerced, he likes the idea and is looking forward to the arrangement. He needs to OWN this decision, and not put up with anyone claiming he's a victim.
NTA . I don't CARE what others think , for the guy below. They sound as though THEY AGREED on the plan. It's a sensible plan if they are wanting to save some money and get a home. She earns at LEAST $1,000 extra a week. My nephew did the same thing. He OFFERED as HIS wife had the better paying job at the time. It has not affected her closeness with their son in the slightest. Why should it ? Are Dads who work never close to their kids ? It only needs to be for a few years as their objection to Daycare was putting a NEWBORN in. In 2 years Dad could return to work. Or maybe he'll want to wait until their child goes to school. Either way it's a THEM decision, not their parents.
My brother stayed home with his son and his wife went back to work - for the same reason as this couple. We were all incredibly proud and supportive of it and he loved being with the kid all day long. It's total BS that women are the only ones who are able to care for babies.
I think the in-laws need a little education about contemporary society. I would start by teaching them the meaning of the acronym "STFU". I'd spend a lot of time on that lesson - as much time as needed, in fact.
Snow_White - And yet another comment bashing the United States! I wonder how we manage to do anything with the terrible country we are!
Load More Replies... They together earn around £3k per WEEK?! Why on earth would the price for daycare matter at all? Money clearly isn't a problem. I'm really curious about what they do for work.
Sleepflower - Why does it matter what they do? If they want to change the dynamic, they should be able to without all the pushback. Maybe they want to save up for something important to them. And, he said he wants to start his own company and being home will allow him to do this.
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Did... you read the whole thing? He said that he wanted to do that and that he was completely ok with it.
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im sooo sick of these posts where all the comments unanimously agree on an answer & even the op makes it clear in the original post that they're in the right. i get that she may have needed to post to reddit to validate her feelings, but this is such a nothing sandwich as all conflict is resolved within the post itself: dad wants to do it, family is pressuring him & his wife out of it. no moral dilemma at all. why is bp even reposting this? there's nothing of substance in the post itself & the comments are even less interesting because they just restate what we already read, & then of course there's the useless write up by the borING panda "authorS". TWO OF THEM couldn't find anything better to write about than this?? if you're going to post aita s**t, at least pick the intriguing posts to get people thinking & talking.
Also, the click bait title... I believe there are different sections on Reddit, kind of "I just need to vend" sections, where this would have been fine.
Load More Replies... Nta. Dad is a parent as much as mom is and aside from breastfeeding, can do everything she can. The reality of getting a kid is that often one parent has to put their career on hold for a while and if mom earns twice as dad then it makes sense that dad stays at home.
I did it. I do regret some of it... But never that my daughter had so much time with her father... What they did, what he taught her.... I love it...
WE agree on something, but someone who has no skin in the game has a different opinion....Quick let me run to social media and ask a bunch of strangers if we are wrong. SMDH the AITA threads are just full of people looking for affirmations or to brag about something stupid.
Your husband needs to step up and tell his family to f*ck off. That this is a mutual decision and you are not "forcing" him to do anything he doesn't want to - as a matter of fact, it was HIS idea. And if they want to continue to be a part of your child's life, they'd better learn to accept your parenting decisions and keep their mediaeval opinions to themselves.
Nobody should have to live their life based on stereotypes, but when you do go against the grain, there are ways to smooth that out and create boundaries. Are they at fault because people are being sexist? No, of course not. But I have advice. When an opposite gender couple makes this sort of gender non-comforing decision, it needs to be championed by the person the outside will consider the "victim". In this case, the outsider narrative is "This mean, pushy wife is emasculating her poor husband and forcing him to stay at home because she's heartless and hates him and the children." Or something like that, right? So for her to defend, just confirms their opinions. He needs to stand up, and he needs to explain what the real truth is. This was his idea, and his choice. He wasn't forced or coerced, he likes the idea and is looking forward to the arrangement. He needs to OWN this decision, and not put up with anyone claiming he's a victim.
NTA . I don't CARE what others think , for the guy below. They sound as though THEY AGREED on the plan. It's a sensible plan if they are wanting to save some money and get a home. She earns at LEAST $1,000 extra a week. My nephew did the same thing. He OFFERED as HIS wife had the better paying job at the time. It has not affected her closeness with their son in the slightest. Why should it ? Are Dads who work never close to their kids ? It only needs to be for a few years as their objection to Daycare was putting a NEWBORN in. In 2 years Dad could return to work. Or maybe he'll want to wait until their child goes to school. Either way it's a THEM decision, not their parents.
My brother stayed home with his son and his wife went back to work - for the same reason as this couple. We were all incredibly proud and supportive of it and he loved being with the kid all day long. It's total BS that women are the only ones who are able to care for babies.
I think the in-laws need a little education about contemporary society. I would start by teaching them the meaning of the acronym "STFU". I'd spend a lot of time on that lesson - as much time as needed, in fact.
Snow_White - And yet another comment bashing the United States! I wonder how we manage to do anything with the terrible country we are!
Load More Replies... They together earn around £3k per WEEK?! Why on earth would the price for daycare matter at all? Money clearly isn't a problem. I'm really curious about what they do for work.
Sleepflower - Why does it matter what they do? If they want to change the dynamic, they should be able to without all the pushback. Maybe they want to save up for something important to them. And, he said he wants to start his own company and being home will allow him to do this.
Load More Replies... Did... you read the whole thing? He said that he wanted to do that and that he was completely ok with it.
Load More Replies...
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