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FIL Points Finger At Son-In-Law Over Missing iPad, Wife’s Silence Hits Harder Than The Accusation
It’s sad to know that even in the 21st century, there are male chauvinists who believe in toxic masculinity and ruin things for the ones who don’t encourage such obnoxious behavior. I mean, aren’t there bigger problems like war or global warming that need human attention?
The original poster’s (OP) father-in-law falls under this shameful category, as he always taunts our guy for being “raised by women” and not being “man enough” for his daughter. However, all hell broke loose when he falsely accused OP of being a thief and led a smear campaign against him. Here’s what happened!
More info: Reddit
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Many times, having toxic in-laws can create tension between a couple if they don’t have a united front
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster’s father-in-law feels he’s not “man enough” for his daughter and accused him of stealing his iPad when it went missing
Image credits: ThrowRASukimaRoad
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The innocent poster was baffled when the man called the cops on him and even led a smear campaign against him on social media
Image credits: ThrowRASukimaRoad
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
What hurt the poster more is that his wife showed zero support for him, and instead asked him to apologize to her father and keep the peace
Image credits: ThrowRASukimaRoad
Image credits: Sandesh Sharma / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Even when the toxic man found that the poster didn’t steal his iPad, he never apologized, so the poster distanced himself and his daughter from the whole family
Image credits: ThrowRASukimaRoad
Image credits: LARAM / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
His wife expects him to let it all go and not talk about it, but he is distraught by her lack of empathy for his problem
Image credits: ThrowRASukimaRoad
Image credits: Nicolás Flor / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
As advised by netizens, the poster had a talk with his wife, poured his heart out about the problems, and even brought up separation
Image credits: ThrowRASukimaRoad
Image credits:Blake Cheek / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
His wife is rattled by the thought of separation, and since they both don’t want that, he suggested marriage counseling
Image credits: ThrowRASukimaRoad
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
He loves her a lot and wants to work on their marriage as she’s a very caring person, but when near her toxic father, she just bends to his will
They have decided to see how things work for them after marriage counseling, as both of them want to resolve the issue
Today’s story is quite dramatic, as Reddit user u/ThrowRASukimaRoad tells us that he and his wife have a 4-year-old daughter, but their marriage is suffering at the moment, all because of his father-in-law. This toxic man never really liked OP, as he sees him as “not good enough” for his daughter, and due to his chauvinistic beliefs, he also taunted the poster for being “raised by women.”
However, things spiraled out of control at Christmas dinner, when he accused OP of stealing his iPad when it went missing, and even got the cops involved. In fact, this man has so much hatred within him that he went on a smear campaign online against the poster and claimed that he’s “not man enough to own his mistakes.”
The innocent guy got shunned by the family over this, and hearing the things his father-in-law said about him, he insisted on keeping their daughter away from the toxic man. However, what hurts him the most is his wife’s lack of support throughout the whole situation. Instead of defending him to her family, she asked him to apologize to her father and not escalate the issue.
When it was out in the open that OP didn’t steal the iPad, he never received an apology from his father-in-law, but he got invitations to family dinners, which he declined. His wife is angry that he’s not “keeping the peace” but refuses to talk about how much the whole situation has pained him.
In an update, OP mentioned that he finally spoke with her about all this and even showed her his previous Reddit post. What truly rattled her was when he brought up the topic of separation, but both of them want to work on the relationship, so they have decided to go for marriage counseling instead. He also added that he loves her and she’s a better person when she doesn’t bend to her toxic father’s wishes.
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Research suggests that people don’t necessarily have shared beliefs and mutual understanding with their in-laws. In fact, conflict in such a relationship is so common that 75% of couples reported having problems with an in-law. Looks like the couple in the story is one of them because of the toxic father-in-law.
It has been observed that behaviors that are manipulative, controlling, and consistently disrespectful are clear signs of a toxic in-law. If you look at it, the antagonist of the story has displayed all these characteristics, and even more when he went on to insult OP in front of his 4-year-old daughter.
Studies show that children learn and imitate behaviors by watching and listening to others. This is sometimes called “observational learning,” when children can learn things simply by observing others. Many folks commented that it’s a good thing he completely stopped contact between his kid and the toxic man in the story, or she might pick up and learn these things.
Many people also expressed concern about the couple’s rocky marriage and the way the wife just refused to discuss his issues or support him. It has been observed that mutual support among couples is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, and netizens also pointed out that things won’t work for OP and his wife if she doesn’t back him up in front of her parents.
Folks were also quite stumped due to the father-in-law and his insufferable beliefs about manhood and how OP is not “man enough.” Many assured him that he sounded like an amazing father and partner, and said he should really consider cutting out the toxic man from their lives permanently. That sounds reasonable, right? What would you do? Let us know in the comments!
Folks online were baffled by the toxic father-in-law, but they felt that things won’t work for the couple if the wife doesn’t support him
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
Wife doesn't think OP is worth sticking up for During the initial incident Didn't think he was worth comforting in the aftermath. No amount of therapy is going to change the fact that she doesn't value him as a person. She's upset about that marriage ending, which her conservative background explains, but she wasn't upset that her husband was suffering? Hopefully OP is out by now and healing.
Vinnie 9 months ago
I agree with the OP giving his wife 2 choices. I factored in some of his observations: that his wife studied far from her family, that she was a better person away from them. Counselling is not a waste if they get a good professional. If it doesn't work, he'll know he tried and that he's better off leaving.
Load More Replies...
Tabitha 9 months ago
I hope marriage counseling works for them, and they stay together. Because if they divorce, his chances for sole custody are slim. That means the weak-willed wife gets the kid—-and nasty grandpa has ample opportunity to do his dirty work with total impunity. He can poison his granddaughter’s mind against her father, to the point where she refuses to see OP and thinks he’s the bad guy and grandpa is the victim. No, the best thing all around is marriage counseling, staying together, and keeping their children away from grandpa. Transferring their jobs across the country—-and keeping their new company name and office address, and especially their new home address , the kid’s school, and all phone numbers a secret from her side of the family—-would be their best remedy for this situation. At least until the old m**********r finally kicks the bucket, though it is unfortunate that a******s like him seem to keep breathing for a long time, just from sheer meanness.
Fellfromthemoon 9 months ago
FIL is only middle-aged, not even 60. He has about two more decades if not three.
Load More Replies...
Sunny Day 9 months ago
Wouldn't a super conservative wife know that Husband tops Father in the hierarchy?
Tyranamar 9 months ago
You would think. The Bible is very clear that a man should climb to his wife. But not so clear on women cleaving from their families. In conservative households the children are taught to sort of worship the father like they worship God. He's the head of the household. They're then supposed to transfer this feeling to the husband if they're married. But it sounds like she knew daddy has a black temper but hubby can be pushed around. So she took her chances by clinging to dad. And it worked. Look, hubby is still around.
Load More Replies...
Mel in Georgia 9 months ago
I think that marriage counseling can help this couple. It seems they both love each other and want to work through this. Being raised by a controlling and punishing a$$hole like that made her "duck and cover" response understandable. She doesn't want to lose either her extended or nuclear family and doesn't have the tools to know how to do that. I truly hope counseling gives her those tools. Gah, I hate people like her father - ruins so many relationships.
Binky Melnik 9 months ago
While I don’t believe in ANY religion at ALL, when faced with lousy, rotten, miserable old people like this (and my dad), when I’m musing on why they just won’t diе, I often try to lighten my mood by telling myself they’re still alive and making misery for everyone with the bad fortune to know them that the devil doesn’t want ‘em and so we’re stuck with ‘em. After enough tears and bad feelings, it makes me smile a little bit and get me started on the way back to my normally (or rather abnormally) cheerful self. I also hope counseling straightens her out so her husband and kid don’t hafta live in terror and misery. She’s welcome to if she wants, but placing that burden on the other two is simply as wrong as it’s possible to be wrong.
Load More Replies...
Earonn - 9 months ago
It's nice he tries, but if making her husband losing a job opportunity over a false accusation and then refusing to apologise doesn't open her eyes, she will, I fear, forever be daddy's sweetheart. It's not just mamaboys that sometimes never grow up. The child deserves a better role model than her.
Wild Cream 9 months ago
OP sounds like a really reasonable and intelligent and caring dude. Wife sounds willing to listen and try to understand and make things work. Good for them :)
John Haley 9 months ago
If it were me, I'd have gone to the FIL and demanded an apology because "A real man would own up when caught". Dude needs putting in his place. Actions have consequences. He slandered this guy and caused irreparable damage but pretends it didn't happen. This needs addressing.
JayWantsACat 9 months ago
But I thought a "real man would own up when caught?" FIL was caught being wrong and never owned up to it. I guess he's not a real man. But we didn't need that result to know he's not.
roddy 9 months ago
It reads to me like typical behavior of an unempowered member of a family in which the father is unreasonable and a*****e. Can you even imagine her childhood? It's clear she is still in terror of her father and is afraid to contradict him in any way.
Load More Replies...
liam newton-harding 9 months ago
Amazing that no one ever tells the assh@le to stfu, and “keep the peace”.
Kate Johnson 9 months ago
IMO the wife betrayed this guy as badly as if she had s*x with someone else. She chose her a*****e nasty father over her husband. She stood by mutely as he was disparaged. It's disgusting. I'm amazed he's staying with her when he KNOWS he cannot trust her to have his back.
Martin 9 months ago (edited)
Better to yeild...? hhmmm this sounds very much like the OP's father in law has used his bullish behaviour on others just so that other people back down allowing him to get his way each time. Moaning, whining, back handed comments, repeated silent treatment, niggling comments here and there from the FIL, then when he gets his way, he's happy again are all signs of an insecure background growing up and continuing into adult life. Hopefully the OP can stick with the counselling and stay away from divorce so that the FIL can't contaminate things any further.
Kyra Noelle 9 months ago
If you are going to embarrass in public, you should apologize in public too. But then again, I knew his FIL wouldn't admit to anything. POS
Michelle C 9 months ago
I don't think I could ever love anybody so much to willingly deal with something like this. He knew what FIL was like before he became FIL and knew how his wife would be towards the situation before she became his wife. FIL will NEVER change and she will NEVER have his back. His choices are to accept that reality or leave.
FreeTheUnicorn 9 months ago
Wife doesn't think OP is worth sticking up for During the initial incident Didn't think he was worth comforting in the aftermath. No amount of therapy is going to change the fact that she doesn't value him as a person. She's upset about that marriage ending, which her conservative background explains, but she wasn't upset that her husband was suffering? Hopefully OP is out by now and healing.
Vinnie 9 months ago
I agree with the OP giving his wife 2 choices. I factored in some of his observations: that his wife studied far from her family, that she was a better person away from them. Counselling is not a waste if they get a good professional. If it doesn't work, he'll know he tried and that he's better off leaving.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 9 months ago
I hope marriage counseling works for them, and they stay together. Because if they divorce, his chances for sole custody are slim. That means the weak-willed wife gets the kid—-and nasty grandpa has ample opportunity to do his dirty work with total impunity. He can poison his granddaughter’s mind against her father, to the point where she refuses to see OP and thinks he’s the bad guy and grandpa is the victim. No, the best thing all around is marriage counseling, staying together, and keeping their children away from grandpa. Transferring their jobs across the country—-and keeping their new company name and office address, and especially their new home address , the kid’s school, and all phone numbers a secret from her side of the family—-would be their best remedy for this situation. At least until the old m**********r finally kicks the bucket, though it is unfortunate that a******s like him seem to keep breathing for a long time, just from sheer meanness.
Fellfromthemoon 9 months ago
FIL is only middle-aged, not even 60. He has about two more decades if not three.
Load More Replies... Sunny Day 9 months ago
Wouldn't a super conservative wife know that Husband tops Father in the hierarchy?
Tyranamar 9 months ago
You would think. The Bible is very clear that a man should climb to his wife. But not so clear on women cleaving from their families. In conservative households the children are taught to sort of worship the father like they worship God. He's the head of the household. They're then supposed to transfer this feeling to the husband if they're married. But it sounds like she knew daddy has a black temper but hubby can be pushed around. So she took her chances by clinging to dad. And it worked. Look, hubby is still around.
Load More Replies... Mel in Georgia 9 months ago
I think that marriage counseling can help this couple. It seems they both love each other and want to work through this. Being raised by a controlling and punishing a$$hole like that made her "duck and cover" response understandable. She doesn't want to lose either her extended or nuclear family and doesn't have the tools to know how to do that. I truly hope counseling gives her those tools. Gah, I hate people like her father - ruins so many relationships.
Binky Melnik 9 months ago
While I don’t believe in ANY religion at ALL, when faced with lousy, rotten, miserable old people like this (and my dad), when I’m musing on why they just won’t diе, I often try to lighten my mood by telling myself they’re still alive and making misery for everyone with the bad fortune to know them that the devil doesn’t want ‘em and so we’re stuck with ‘em. After enough tears and bad feelings, it makes me smile a little bit and get me started on the way back to my normally (or rather abnormally) cheerful self. I also hope counseling straightens her out so her husband and kid don’t hafta live in terror and misery. She’s welcome to if she wants, but placing that burden on the other two is simply as wrong as it’s possible to be wrong.
Load More Replies... Earonn - 9 months ago
It's nice he tries, but if making her husband losing a job opportunity over a false accusation and then refusing to apologise doesn't open her eyes, she will, I fear, forever be daddy's sweetheart. It's not just mamaboys that sometimes never grow up. The child deserves a better role model than her.
Wild Cream 9 months ago
OP sounds like a really reasonable and intelligent and caring dude. Wife sounds willing to listen and try to understand and make things work. Good for them :)
John Haley 9 months ago
If it were me, I'd have gone to the FIL and demanded an apology because "A real man would own up when caught". Dude needs putting in his place. Actions have consequences. He slandered this guy and caused irreparable damage but pretends it didn't happen. This needs addressing.
JayWantsACat 9 months ago
But I thought a "real man would own up when caught?" FIL was caught being wrong and never owned up to it. I guess he's not a real man. But we didn't need that result to know he's not.
roddy 9 months ago
It reads to me like typical behavior of an unempowered member of a family in which the father is unreasonable and a*****e. Can you even imagine her childhood? It's clear she is still in terror of her father and is afraid to contradict him in any way.
Load More Replies... liam newton-harding 9 months ago
Amazing that no one ever tells the assh@le to stfu, and “keep the peace”.
Kate Johnson 9 months ago
IMO the wife betrayed this guy as badly as if she had s*x with someone else. She chose her a*****e nasty father over her husband. She stood by mutely as he was disparaged. It's disgusting. I'm amazed he's staying with her when he KNOWS he cannot trust her to have his back.
Martin 9 months ago (edited)
Better to yeild...? hhmmm this sounds very much like the OP's father in law has used his bullish behaviour on others just so that other people back down allowing him to get his way each time. Moaning, whining, back handed comments, repeated silent treatment, niggling comments here and there from the FIL, then when he gets his way, he's happy again are all signs of an insecure background growing up and continuing into adult life. Hopefully the OP can stick with the counselling and stay away from divorce so that the FIL can't contaminate things any further.
Kyra Noelle 9 months ago
If you are going to embarrass in public, you should apologize in public too. But then again, I knew his FIL wouldn't admit to anything. POS
Michelle C 9 months ago
I don't think I could ever love anybody so much to willingly deal with something like this. He knew what FIL was like before he became FIL and knew how his wife would be towards the situation before she became his wife. FIL will NEVER change and she will NEVER have his back. His choices are to accept that reality or leave.
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