The good old-fashioned song claims that money makes the world go round, and we have absolutely no reason to disagree. Moreover, money is definitely the greatest invention of mankind. For instance, because all other inventions, even taken together, can be bought for money.
At the same time, money, despite its many advantages, also has some flaws. For example, because of money, many families have been destroyed at different times. Mainly, of course, due to lack of money. But it happens that because of a lot of money, family dramas arise as well.
Do you want an example? Here it is, a brand new post on the AITA Reddit community that has already racked up around 16.6K upvotes and 3.5K comments. As we have already said, the combination of money and family drama multiplies the effect, and here that is exactly the type of family drama that takes place.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster and his family live in a VHCOL city
Image source: Henrique Pinto (not the actual photo)
So, the Original Poster and his wife, as well as their two children, five and three years old, live in a city with a very high cost of living, but they can easily afford it. Mainly thanks to the husband, who earns about five times more than his wife, while admitting that if they received the same amounts, they would not be able to live there.
Image source: Unique_Confusion9528
The OP has a high-paid job, while his wife works a lot for much less money
Despite the high salary, the OP’s work is not the most exhausting. He works approximately 35 hours a week, and the only major requirement is that he must be on call all the time for about one week every month. At the same time, his wife works very hard – up to 50 hours a week – has an extremely picky boss, and is often stressed at her workplace.
Image source: Unique_Confusion9528
As the OP admits, he has repeatedly tried to persuade his wife to change jobs, but she, perhaps out of a sense of loyalty or just out of fear of something new, each time refused. As a result, it is the husband who takes on a lot of housework, cooking and childcare.
Image source: Unique_Confusion9528
One day, the OP and his wife both received urgent work tasks almost at the same time
Everything went on as usual, until finally, once again, the same week came, during which the OP should always be in touch. One day, his wife received a message from her boss that she urgently needed to fulfill a “request” from a client. As the wife herself said, this task could very well wait until the next day, but it would be better if she did it that day – just so that the next day, the boss would not grumble at her.
Image source: Unique_Confusion9528
The OP didn’t mind, but remarked that if he suddenly had to rush to the office, it was really urgent. The wife, as the OP noticed, muttered something in the affirmative in response, but nothing beyond that. And then, two hours later, the husband received a message asking him to urgently come to the office.
Image source: Unique_Confusion9528
The husband wanted to rush to his office, but it turned out that his wife was already doing her own task and demanded that he look after the kids while she was busy
Usually the OP could deal with such issues remotely, but now the nature of the problem required his personal presence. He quickly got ready and went to the exit – but then it turned out that his wife was already doing her work assignment, so somebody had to stay with kids.
Image source: Unique_Confusion9528
The woman said that since her task appeared first, the husband had to wait until she did everything and tell his team that he could not do his work right now. The OP was indignant, stating that he just had a task that was absolutely urgent, and if he did not complete it, he could have problems at his job.
In the heat of the quarrel, the OP told his wife that his job has to come before hers as it brings them way more money
A quarrel broke out, but the husband could not stand it and just left the house and went to his office. Meanwhile, his wife called him and started arguing again. In the heat of the moment, the OP blurted out something like, “It’s only because of my job that we can afford our home and lifestyle. So my job must always take precedence over yours, otherwise we’ll just end up on the street!” After that, the wife hung up.
Image source: Engin_Akyurt (not the actual photo)
Returning home three hours later (it was already around 11pm), the OP found his kids sleeping on the couch in the living room, surrounded by cereal spills. The door to the bedroom was locked, and the wife refused to talk. In the morning, the children told dad that their mother had been crying in the bedroom all evening, so they had to take care of the food themselves and just go to bed in the living room.
Commenters basically supported the OP and also suggested that his wife change her stressful job
Most of the people in the comments supported the OP, outraged, first of all, by his wife’s behavior, as she did not feed her kids before going to bed. In addition, according to many commenters, the husband should talk to his wife again and persuade her to change jobs – at least so that she experiences less stress.
Some commenters suggested that the OP simply hire a nanny – but, unfortunately, as the man himself admitted, there is no such service as an emergency nanny. After all, an urgent call to work can happen at any minute throughout the whole week. In addition, the OP added that he had tried to persuade his wife to go to psychotherapy, but she repeatedly said something like “I’m too busy” or “they won’t help me.”
By the way, maybe the Original Poster’s wife could be helped by your advice or some brilliant fresh idea! In any case, just feel free to express your own opinion on this family drama.
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NTA. I think the wife's job is pushing her to breaking point and her behaviour suggests a mental heath issue.
I immediately thought so too! Maybe anxiety or depression.
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I don't care how pissed off his wife was, that's absolutely no excuse to leave a 3 and 5 year old to their own devices while she cries it out behind a locked door for hours.
Seriously--what if one of the kids swallowed their beverage wrong, or choked on a piece of cereal?! If Wife is immature enough to lock herself in her room so she can have a self-pitying cryfest, would she even notice if one or both kids had a medical emergency?! She'd probably find a way to blame that on OP, too--"If you'd been here, little Timmy would never have choked! This is all *your* fault!" Sounds like OP's better off divorcing her and taking the kids with him.
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Yep, everything suggests that the wife is essentially being emotionally abused at that job, and she really needs to quit and find a new one. But it sounds like she refuses to do so, like so many people in an abusive relationship are made to feel like they can't survive without that relationship/job. Hope he manages to get her to quit and she finds a new job that's better for her.
I think people also forget how friends and family will pressure a person to stay in bad situations. It's amazing how many people will acknowledge abusive work environments, or abusive relationships, or toxic households, but when it's right in front of them, they will accuse the victim of being lazy, or weak, or whining. I wouldn't be surprised if keeping the job makes her feel like less of a house-wife/leech and the job itself makes her feel like she can't do any better. People underestimate how their comments about others influence their loved-ones to self abuse.
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I agree that the kids should have taken priority over anything here. With that said though, wife is clearly not in a good mental space, her work is obviously taking a toll on her. This should be seriously taken into consideration and addressed. No one is the a*****e imo here, it's a bad and shitty situation that needs to be addressed before it gets worse. Mental health is no joke
You can't change a spouse. You can't make them go to therapy, take their meds, or change jobs. Any pressure of this sort makes you look like a controlling spouse. All you can do is change your own behavior. In this situation, find a good babysitter who will come in when you're on call and handle the household. Perhaps somebody retired who can be flexible and handles stress well. Also someone who gets along with your wife.
The wife sounds overly stressed/burnt out - if he says they can live on his income then let her quit and take some time to re-cover then she can find a better job.
He's encouraged her to quit, take time off, find something else, etc. but she refuses. She's also refused therapy.
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The wife ALREADY had a mental breakdown~~otherwise, why leave two babies alone for several hours??? Wife needs therapy whether she believes she needs it or not. The wife's job needs to GO. She can look for another, if she chooses, AFTER she gets herself stabilized. What if the kids had decided to light a candle? What if they made pb&j with a sharp knife? There are consequences to her lack of action. I get her situation~~she's been bullied at work for possibly years and has forgotten that her home life matters more. There are other jobs; she can start her own business, once her head is back on straight. Until then, get a babysitter who can be on call during your week on call. Pay a nominal fee for that person to be available, and no, you don't get it back if you don't use it. Do what YOU have to do to keep your children SAFE.
This might sound harsh but it sounds to me like the wife had a tantrum and forgot her no.1 priority - the children! 😬
Why do people sit their arguments online looking for a “win”/ validation instead of communicating and resolving TOGETHER. That’s part of marriage.
Well, it really is not a matter of whose job is more important. The deadline for the wife is the next day, while the deadline for the husband is right now. Under normal situations the wife's plan to finish the project early makes sense, but if she cannot manage whatever hassle she gets for getting the job done on time,....not early... she needs to find other work.
definitely nta. I always get so angry when I hear women complain that their husband works too much or they never see them, meanwhile they aren't working or work part time and expect to live in a large home and needs to have all the best things (sorry, i used to work for rich people and the wives all claimed their husband's not putting the family first was the #1 reason they claimed they got divorced. Meanwhile the guy is busting his butt so he can afford the lifestyle she expects to have). The husband here was not diminishing her job or making it seem like it's not important; he simply pointed out the fact that they can't afford to lose his job more than hers. If she'd like to move from their neighborhood and sell her car and be the breadwinner, more power to her. But I doubt it. And her reaction was childish and illogical.
Regardless of what happened taking it out on the kids is completely unacceptable. I would love it if my hubby made enough that I only worked for extra money.
NTA Your wife is clearly under a huge amount of stress from her toxic boss, and she is handling it badly. If she won't change jobs, I suggest marriage counselling. If she won't go to a therapist alone, she might go to one together. Be frank with her - tell her that her ignoring the children, and breaking your explicit agreement about your on-call weeks are major issues for you. Tell her that you know she's under a lot of stress, and that you need her to work with you in therapy, before this becomes a fracture point in your relationship.
Nobody should be making 5x more than someone else for equal or fewer hours. It's gross.
I'll eagerly wait for doctors to quit their jobs and become dog walkers. Less stress, same pay
Load More Replies... NTA. She knew that him being on call was a basic requirement of his job, whereas what she was being asked to do by her boss was not. Although I can well imagine that her boss made her feel that way. Some people have suggested he shouldn't have thrown the fact that he makes more money than her in her face, but I don't see that as a put down on his part. He was just pointing out the reality that they can't afford to have him lose his job. It really sounds like she needs to quit the job if it causes so much stress, and probably she needs therapy as well. I agree that she could be depressed.
She just needs to have her mental break down then she will see it’s not worth it and leave and find something else. Your NTA you have a point and she did say she can do her emergency tomorrow as well but just wanted to get it done. So she’s being unreasonable and overly sensitive for nothing.
I really feel for the woman, yes she wasn't in the right, but honestly in this case I feel neither is the op. Hes failing to see that she is at the end if her ability to cope... im not a doctor, but I've been in a similar situation and it sounds very much she's suffering from burnout and possibly a bit of depression. She needs help. Op telling her his job is more important than hers, even if true, is not helping this situation. Yes she shouldn't have left the children like that, but my guess is she had no emotional energy to deal with anything. She needs support, get her help - family can be a good place. Telling her to quit her job isn't going to help as she's probably feeling that she unless already.... op telling her his job is mire important, her job putting more pressure on her than she can deal with, obviously a toxic work place. Then all the societal expectations all woman get of being perfect wife and mother. I think this woman has reached her breaking point
Sounds like there is a deeper issue here. I think maybe he does not take her job seriously or her. She feel driven to work long hours to prove her job is important. This is why she won't get one that is less stressful. What she needs is more respect from her husband and assurance that she is an equal.
I suspect the wife feels embarrassed/a burden because her job pays so much less than the husband’s and her job being so stressful almost gives her a twisted sort of comfort in that she isn’t just relaxing and sponging off of him. Her extreme reaction to him pointing out that it’s his money that their family lives on confirms that to me. They need to have a talk where he convinces her that she is valued and she gets over her insecurities. I imagine the unacceptable abandonment of the kids is due to that too. He says he does most of the housework and looking after them so in her upset state she probably thought they didn’t need her/would be better off without her. She needs therapy to work through her insecurities or they’ll continue to eat away at her.
In this situation it actually doesn't matter who makes more. Being on-call is a stress on every family but it was communicated and acknowledged by everyone. Wifey should learn the difference between "want" and "need" ... she wanted to be done earlier but hubby needed to be on call. But Hubby is the a*****e for throwing money into the discussion. That was uncalled for and probably is the reason this escalated.
"Why is she working 20% more for 20% less" - someone had to ask this? The pay gap is real. Unrealistic expectations on women in the workplace are real. We almost all have to work 200% harder to get a quarter of the respect. This poor woman really sounds like she's in an abusive work situation. I had a manager who essentially 'owned' us in his mind, we were to be available 24/7, never answer back, and "never forget you're totally replaceable". I still have PTSD 4 years later, and it took me two years to escape it (and even then only once he orchestrated my redundancy, yep, I hung on that long (longer actually), and HR listened to him even though he had multiple complaints about his bullying). I would say the wife sounds like she is in a spiral and is clinically depressed. Husband was NTA for his decision in this instance, but it doesn't sound like he has a bunch of empathy OR realises exactly how bad it is for his wife. That's definitely on him. Especially as he's basically then run to a website with the express purpose of lots of people clapping him on the back and congratulating him for what he said. Only one points out how things are said are important too. Anyone going through similar to the wife, please know it DOESN'T get better unless you leave. Other places will hire you, and it will be amazing when you find your place. Don't hang in, it's not worth your mental health.
Ummm...she's working much harder than he is with more hours, for 1/5th the pay, not 80% of the pay.
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OP should go to therapy, then invite the wife along for "emotional support" - any therapist worth their salt will figure out what's going on very quickly, and will be more than willing to be the "bad guy" in getting the wife coming regularly over letting the spouse have to push the issue
Nta, but I don't think she was being as negligent as people are saying she was. Leaving kids to fend for themselves for a few hours in front of the tv isn't the end of the world. Obviously they had access to food, and she knew that. They were only a room or two away where they could come get her if they really needed to. It's not like they were left at home alone. It might be negligence if it happened every night, but by the way Op makes it sound, this was very out of the ordinary for her
I'm wondering if there's another reason the wife is so attached to her 'horrible' job. It doesn't make sense that the husband is being so reasonable in allowing her time to find another nicer job, or that she has a tantrum when he says he has to leave and literally leaves her pre-school children to fend for themselves. Call me a cynic, but it sounds like she's built up a nice little story for being able to leave the house when she wants to, under the guise of having a dragon boss. There may be a little more going on under the hood than it seems. Maybe she has a close 'friend she wants to see whenever she want. This doesn't sound like a stress breakdown, more of a tantrum that she didn't get to go out when she wanted.
NTA wife only wanted to deal with her work "emergency" so her boss wouldn't bag her about it. It wasn't like she's getting some fulfillment from the job, or felt it was important. She'd rather deal with neglecting her children and argue with you rather than confronting her boss. Her priorities are motivation are all messed up. Locking herself in the room and neglecting her kids she
Don't....neglecting her kids is a red flag and sign she needs some mental health evaluation.
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Well, being on call means being on call, not having time off. So he iss not the a-hole for saying, his job takes preference. But claiming it is because he earns more money than her is an a-hole argument. Si I say 50/50 NTA/YTA
Esh. I’m giving the wife TA for neglecting the kids but esh. You think you have an understanding that your work emergencies always take precedence over her work emergencies your wife does not share that understanding. You and your wife need to have conversations about things like this so you are aligned instead of just saying “I make more money and I am more important than you. Just quit.” You are good candidates for marriage counselling.
It sounds like he was clear about the non-negotiable on-call for a long time before this. These were not equal emergencies. His was mandatory. Hers was not. I understand she wanted to get it done earlier to avoid her foul-tempered boss, but when it comes down to it only one of these tasks was a must-do. If their wages were equal, or if she was the high earning partner, it would be the same. If he asked her to risk losing her job so he could do something he didn't absolutely have to do, he'd be TA. She wanted him to risk losing his job so she could do something that she could do later. She is TA. The fact that him losing his job would be financially catastrophic when losing hers would not is just extra. I think this point could be conveyed without going into their earning disparity, but I have no idea what led up to it in the conversation. He might get an ESH here, but she is the Primary A-hole.
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Have you not read that he usually takes care of the kids. She works more hours.
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He didn't even say anything awful. He stated facts. He didn't call her names or curse at her.
Load More Replies... NTA. I think the wife's job is pushing her to breaking point and her behaviour suggests a mental heath issue.
I immediately thought so too! Maybe anxiety or depression.
Load More Replies... I don't care how pissed off his wife was, that's absolutely no excuse to leave a 3 and 5 year old to their own devices while she cries it out behind a locked door for hours.
Seriously--what if one of the kids swallowed their beverage wrong, or choked on a piece of cereal?! If Wife is immature enough to lock herself in her room so she can have a self-pitying cryfest, would she even notice if one or both kids had a medical emergency?! She'd probably find a way to blame that on OP, too--"If you'd been here, little Timmy would never have choked! This is all *your* fault!" Sounds like OP's better off divorcing her and taking the kids with him.
Load More Replies... Yep, everything suggests that the wife is essentially being emotionally abused at that job, and she really needs to quit and find a new one. But it sounds like she refuses to do so, like so many people in an abusive relationship are made to feel like they can't survive without that relationship/job. Hope he manages to get her to quit and she finds a new job that's better for her.
I think people also forget how friends and family will pressure a person to stay in bad situations. It's amazing how many people will acknowledge abusive work environments, or abusive relationships, or toxic households, but when it's right in front of them, they will accuse the victim of being lazy, or weak, or whining. I wouldn't be surprised if keeping the job makes her feel like less of a house-wife/leech and the job itself makes her feel like she can't do any better. People underestimate how their comments about others influence their loved-ones to self abuse.
Load More Replies... I agree that the kids should have taken priority over anything here. With that said though, wife is clearly not in a good mental space, her work is obviously taking a toll on her. This should be seriously taken into consideration and addressed. No one is the a*****e imo here, it's a bad and shitty situation that needs to be addressed before it gets worse. Mental health is no joke
You can't change a spouse. You can't make them go to therapy, take their meds, or change jobs. Any pressure of this sort makes you look like a controlling spouse. All you can do is change your own behavior. In this situation, find a good babysitter who will come in when you're on call and handle the household. Perhaps somebody retired who can be flexible and handles stress well. Also someone who gets along with your wife.
The wife sounds overly stressed/burnt out - if he says they can live on his income then let her quit and take some time to re-cover then she can find a better job.
He's encouraged her to quit, take time off, find something else, etc. but she refuses. She's also refused therapy.
Load More Replies... The wife ALREADY had a mental breakdown~~otherwise, why leave two babies alone for several hours??? Wife needs therapy whether she believes she needs it or not. The wife's job needs to GO. She can look for another, if she chooses, AFTER she gets herself stabilized. What if the kids had decided to light a candle? What if they made pb&j with a sharp knife? There are consequences to her lack of action. I get her situation~~she's been bullied at work for possibly years and has forgotten that her home life matters more. There are other jobs; she can start her own business, once her head is back on straight. Until then, get a babysitter who can be on call during your week on call. Pay a nominal fee for that person to be available, and no, you don't get it back if you don't use it. Do what YOU have to do to keep your children SAFE.
This might sound harsh but it sounds to me like the wife had a tantrum and forgot her no.1 priority - the children! 😬
Why do people sit their arguments online looking for a “win”/ validation instead of communicating and resolving TOGETHER. That’s part of marriage.
Well, it really is not a matter of whose job is more important. The deadline for the wife is the next day, while the deadline for the husband is right now. Under normal situations the wife's plan to finish the project early makes sense, but if she cannot manage whatever hassle she gets for getting the job done on time,....not early... she needs to find other work.
definitely nta. I always get so angry when I hear women complain that their husband works too much or they never see them, meanwhile they aren't working or work part time and expect to live in a large home and needs to have all the best things (sorry, i used to work for rich people and the wives all claimed their husband's not putting the family first was the #1 reason they claimed they got divorced. Meanwhile the guy is busting his butt so he can afford the lifestyle she expects to have). The husband here was not diminishing her job or making it seem like it's not important; he simply pointed out the fact that they can't afford to lose his job more than hers. If she'd like to move from their neighborhood and sell her car and be the breadwinner, more power to her. But I doubt it. And her reaction was childish and illogical.
Regardless of what happened taking it out on the kids is completely unacceptable. I would love it if my hubby made enough that I only worked for extra money.
NTA Your wife is clearly under a huge amount of stress from her toxic boss, and she is handling it badly. If she won't change jobs, I suggest marriage counselling. If she won't go to a therapist alone, she might go to one together. Be frank with her - tell her that her ignoring the children, and breaking your explicit agreement about your on-call weeks are major issues for you. Tell her that you know she's under a lot of stress, and that you need her to work with you in therapy, before this becomes a fracture point in your relationship.
Nobody should be making 5x more than someone else for equal or fewer hours. It's gross.
I'll eagerly wait for doctors to quit their jobs and become dog walkers. Less stress, same pay
Load More Replies... NTA. She knew that him being on call was a basic requirement of his job, whereas what she was being asked to do by her boss was not. Although I can well imagine that her boss made her feel that way. Some people have suggested he shouldn't have thrown the fact that he makes more money than her in her face, but I don't see that as a put down on his part. He was just pointing out the reality that they can't afford to have him lose his job. It really sounds like she needs to quit the job if it causes so much stress, and probably she needs therapy as well. I agree that she could be depressed.
She just needs to have her mental break down then she will see it’s not worth it and leave and find something else. Your NTA you have a point and she did say she can do her emergency tomorrow as well but just wanted to get it done. So she’s being unreasonable and overly sensitive for nothing.
I really feel for the woman, yes she wasn't in the right, but honestly in this case I feel neither is the op. Hes failing to see that she is at the end if her ability to cope... im not a doctor, but I've been in a similar situation and it sounds very much she's suffering from burnout and possibly a bit of depression. She needs help. Op telling her his job is more important than hers, even if true, is not helping this situation. Yes she shouldn't have left the children like that, but my guess is she had no emotional energy to deal with anything. She needs support, get her help - family can be a good place. Telling her to quit her job isn't going to help as she's probably feeling that she unless already.... op telling her his job is mire important, her job putting more pressure on her than she can deal with, obviously a toxic work place. Then all the societal expectations all woman get of being perfect wife and mother. I think this woman has reached her breaking point
Sounds like there is a deeper issue here. I think maybe he does not take her job seriously or her. She feel driven to work long hours to prove her job is important. This is why she won't get one that is less stressful. What she needs is more respect from her husband and assurance that she is an equal.
I suspect the wife feels embarrassed/a burden because her job pays so much less than the husband’s and her job being so stressful almost gives her a twisted sort of comfort in that she isn’t just relaxing and sponging off of him. Her extreme reaction to him pointing out that it’s his money that their family lives on confirms that to me. They need to have a talk where he convinces her that she is valued and she gets over her insecurities. I imagine the unacceptable abandonment of the kids is due to that too. He says he does most of the housework and looking after them so in her upset state she probably thought they didn’t need her/would be better off without her. She needs therapy to work through her insecurities or they’ll continue to eat away at her.
In this situation it actually doesn't matter who makes more. Being on-call is a stress on every family but it was communicated and acknowledged by everyone. Wifey should learn the difference between "want" and "need" ... she wanted to be done earlier but hubby needed to be on call. But Hubby is the a*****e for throwing money into the discussion. That was uncalled for and probably is the reason this escalated.
"Why is she working 20% more for 20% less" - someone had to ask this? The pay gap is real. Unrealistic expectations on women in the workplace are real. We almost all have to work 200% harder to get a quarter of the respect. This poor woman really sounds like she's in an abusive work situation. I had a manager who essentially 'owned' us in his mind, we were to be available 24/7, never answer back, and "never forget you're totally replaceable". I still have PTSD 4 years later, and it took me two years to escape it (and even then only once he orchestrated my redundancy, yep, I hung on that long (longer actually), and HR listened to him even though he had multiple complaints about his bullying). I would say the wife sounds like she is in a spiral and is clinically depressed. Husband was NTA for his decision in this instance, but it doesn't sound like he has a bunch of empathy OR realises exactly how bad it is for his wife. That's definitely on him. Especially as he's basically then run to a website with the express purpose of lots of people clapping him on the back and congratulating him for what he said. Only one points out how things are said are important too. Anyone going through similar to the wife, please know it DOESN'T get better unless you leave. Other places will hire you, and it will be amazing when you find your place. Don't hang in, it's not worth your mental health.
Ummm...she's working much harder than he is with more hours, for 1/5th the pay, not 80% of the pay.
Load More Replies... OP should go to therapy, then invite the wife along for "emotional support" - any therapist worth their salt will figure out what's going on very quickly, and will be more than willing to be the "bad guy" in getting the wife coming regularly over letting the spouse have to push the issue
Nta, but I don't think she was being as negligent as people are saying she was. Leaving kids to fend for themselves for a few hours in front of the tv isn't the end of the world. Obviously they had access to food, and she knew that. They were only a room or two away where they could come get her if they really needed to. It's not like they were left at home alone. It might be negligence if it happened every night, but by the way Op makes it sound, this was very out of the ordinary for her
I'm wondering if there's another reason the wife is so attached to her 'horrible' job. It doesn't make sense that the husband is being so reasonable in allowing her time to find another nicer job, or that she has a tantrum when he says he has to leave and literally leaves her pre-school children to fend for themselves. Call me a cynic, but it sounds like she's built up a nice little story for being able to leave the house when she wants to, under the guise of having a dragon boss. There may be a little more going on under the hood than it seems. Maybe she has a close 'friend she wants to see whenever she want. This doesn't sound like a stress breakdown, more of a tantrum that she didn't get to go out when she wanted.
NTA wife only wanted to deal with her work "emergency" so her boss wouldn't bag her about it. It wasn't like she's getting some fulfillment from the job, or felt it was important. She'd rather deal with neglecting her children and argue with you rather than confronting her boss. Her priorities are motivation are all messed up. Locking herself in the room and neglecting her kids she
Don't....neglecting her kids is a red flag and sign she needs some mental health evaluation.
Load More Replies... Well, being on call means being on call, not having time off. So he iss not the a-hole for saying, his job takes preference. But claiming it is because he earns more money than her is an a-hole argument. Si I say 50/50 NTA/YTA
Esh. I’m giving the wife TA for neglecting the kids but esh. You think you have an understanding that your work emergencies always take precedence over her work emergencies your wife does not share that understanding. You and your wife need to have conversations about things like this so you are aligned instead of just saying “I make more money and I am more important than you. Just quit.” You are good candidates for marriage counselling.
It sounds like he was clear about the non-negotiable on-call for a long time before this. These were not equal emergencies. His was mandatory. Hers was not. I understand she wanted to get it done earlier to avoid her foul-tempered boss, but when it comes down to it only one of these tasks was a must-do. If their wages were equal, or if she was the high earning partner, it would be the same. If he asked her to risk losing her job so he could do something he didn't absolutely have to do, he'd be TA. She wanted him to risk losing his job so she could do something that she could do later. She is TA. The fact that him losing his job would be financially catastrophic when losing hers would not is just extra. I think this point could be conveyed without going into their earning disparity, but I have no idea what led up to it in the conversation. He might get an ESH here, but she is the Primary A-hole.
Load More Replies... Have you not read that he usually takes care of the kids. She works more hours.
Load More Replies... He didn't even say anything awful. He stated facts. He didn't call her names or curse at her.
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