Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Wife Seeks To Introduce Her Abandoned Daughter As A ‘Family Friend’, Husband Refuses To Do So
264

Husband Can’t Stand The Lies When Wife’s Abandoned Daughter Would Be Introduced As A “Family Friend”

Interview With Expert Wife Seeks To Introduce Her Abandoned Daughter As A ‘Family Friend’, Husband Refuses To Do SoMan Finds Out Wife Never Gave Her Daughter Up For Adoption But Abandoned Her, Is DisgustedGuy Is Sick And Tired Of Wife’s Lies About Daughter She Gave Up, Wants To Tell His Kids The TruthHusband Can’t Stand The Lies When Wife’s Abandoned Daughter Would Be Introduced As A “Family Friend” Guy Is Tired Of His Wife Lying To Him About The Daughter She Gave Up, Wants To Tell Kids The TruthWife Seeks To Introduce Her Abandoned Daughter As A ‘Family Friend’, Husband Refuses To Do SoWife Seeks To Introduce Her Abandoned Daughter As A ‘Family Friend’, Husband Refuses To Do SoWife Seeks To Introduce Her Abandoned Daughter As A ‘Family Friend’, Husband Refuses To Do SoWife Seeks To Introduce Her Abandoned Daughter As A ‘Family Friend’, Husband Refuses To Do SoWife Seeks To Introduce Her Abandoned Daughter As A ‘Family Friend’, Husband Refuses To Do So
ADVERTISEMENT

When you have been in a relationship for a long time with the same person, it may seem that you already know everything about them, whether it is what they like, what they don’t like, their childhood memories, hobbies, their interests or whatever else they open up about. So imagine finding out after more than a decade of marriage about your spouse’s secret kid.

That exact situation is where one Reddit user found himself – he learned about his wife’s daughter who she had simply abandoned, despite having contact. In addition to all of this, his wife is now asking to introduce her daughter to their kids as a family friend.

More info: Reddit

Everyone always says that family comes first, but unfortunately, sometimes that may be not the case 

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

Man shares that a few years ago, he and his wife received a letter from a woman who claimed to be his wife’s daughter and wanted to meet with her

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Tatiana Syrikova (not the actual photo)

His wife had explained to him that when she was young, she had given a child up for adoption, but it turned out that it never happened and his wife simply abandoned her

ADVERTISEMENT

image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

He added that although this whole situation has been emotional, they all have been in contact and building a relationship but keeping it away from their kids

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: u/renstimpy86

The argument ensued after the woman and her daughter decided that she will be introduced as a family friend to their kids – however, the man put his foot down, refusing to do so

Recently, one Reddit user posted his story online, seeking to hear community members’ perspective on whether he was in fact being a jerk. After finding out about his wife’s secret daughter and building a relationship, he refuses to allow his wife to introduce her daughter to their kids as a family friend. The post caught a lot of attention, collecting over 14K upvotes.

The original poster (OP) started his story by explaining that a few years ago, he and his wife got a letter from a woman who claimed to be his wife’s daughter. After this, his wife told him that she had given her up for adoption when she was young; however, the truth turned out to be that she had simply abandoned her kid. 

As the OP shared, the worst thing about the whole situation is that his wife’s daughter, when she was 12, wrote her a letter begging for help, and in response, she just blamed her for her problems. This obviously shocked the OP – not only that his wife has been lying the whole time about the adoption but that she chose to abandon her daughter a second time.

ADVERTISEMENT

Now, he emphasized that the 3 of them have been building a relationship for the last few years – thus it has come to the time to introduce her to their kids. However, the thing is that the wife and daughter agreed to tell everyone that she’s a family friend, an idea OP was very much against. “I’m sick of the lying,” he noted.

The community members stood with the author of this story and gave him the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. “OP should tell his kids regardless of whether they meet their half sister. They are going to find out,” one user suggested. “Poor woman… that’s heartbreaking!!! Can you guys imagine? A mother telling the daughter not to talk to her again because she ruined her life, and then later still not even introducing her as her daughter?” another added.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

“There are many factors to be taken into account when considering whether to disclose the truth about a biological relationship, including the ages of the children, the question of whether they already know about the existence of other family members, and their relationship with the parents who are going to share the new information,” shared F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, with Bored Panda.

ADVERTISEMENT

We asked Diane to share the potential consequences of lying to children about their family history, particularly if they later discover the truth on their own. She pointed out that there are almost always consequences to lying to your children, none of which are good. “And you can count on it that there is a good likelihood of them finding out about it at some point.”

The expert emphasized that the consequences are often feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment, and betrayal. “But even if your child never learns the truth, there is something about keeping a secret from them that will impact your relationship with them and theirs with you. Although you have never discussed it with them, there is research that shows that family secrets even affect their relationships with others,” she added.

“On the other hand, simply blurting out a truth is not usually good either,” Diane explained. “When you decide to tell the truth, it’s important that you keep in mind the child’s age and ability to process the information. “They may feel angry, sad, hurt; or excited, eager to meet the person; or worried that if you abandoned one child you could abandon them (this is true even for adult children learning about a half-sibling for the first time).”

ADVERTISEMENT

So in situations like this, Diane pointed out that the OP is probably also struggling with his own feelings about having been lied to by his wife. “He might want her to stop lying to the children, but he also might want to punish her for lying to him. It won’t be good to just suddenly present this information to their children.” So professional counseling can be crucial during these times.

Finally, Diane pointed out that lying to your children is giving them the message that they can’t trust you and that they can’t trust other people they should be able to trust. “Additionally, it’s also giving them permission to lie to you and to others, no matter what you actually say to them about lying.”

So, guys – don’t forget to check out F. Diane Barth’s Psychology Today blog “Off the Couch”, where you can find her thoughts about the therapeutic process, and Substack: Aging Without a Map, where she shares her own journey through this sometimes difficult and sometimes surprisingly joyful world! 

And what do you think about this situation? Was the OP wrong for refusing to lie to the children? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

ADVERTISEMENT

Redditors had a discussion with the author of this story regarding the whole situation

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
Ic_polls

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

Share on Facebook
Austėja Bliujūtė

Austėja Bliujūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Hey there! I'm Austeja, a writer with a knack for capturing everything from family dramas to the latest meme trends at Bored Panda. Armed with a Bachelor's degree in business management, I blend expertise with creativity to deliver engaging articles. I love spicing up my pieces with insights from experts in the industry, ensuring the readers get interesting information. When I'm not typing away, you can find me jet-setting to sunny destinations, hunting for the perfect palm-fringed oasis, enjoying leisurely brunches with friends or binging various TV shows!

Read less »
Austėja Bliujūtė

Austėja Bliujūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Hey there! I'm Austeja, a writer with a knack for capturing everything from family dramas to the latest meme trends at Bored Panda. Armed with a Bachelor's degree in business management, I blend expertise with creativity to deliver engaging articles. I love spicing up my pieces with insights from experts in the industry, ensuring the readers get interesting information. When I'm not typing away, you can find me jet-setting to sunny destinations, hunting for the perfect palm-fringed oasis, enjoying leisurely brunches with friends or binging various TV shows!

What do you think ?
Add photo comments
POST
Ms.GB
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a cold hearted b***h. I have a hard time believing she was a great mom for her other kids.

Load More Replies...
sturmwesen
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

why not ask the daughter if she would be alright with telling her siblings and explaining to her that he doesn't want to lie and maybe have the truth come out later? Because if it comes out it will be a sh!t show.

Upstaged75
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never stay with a partner after I found out what they had done. Yet he keeps making excuses for her.

Load More Comments
Ms.GB
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a cold hearted b***h. I have a hard time believing she was a great mom for her other kids.

Load More Replies...
sturmwesen
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

why not ask the daughter if she would be alright with telling her siblings and explaining to her that he doesn't want to lie and maybe have the truth come out later? Because if it comes out it will be a sh!t show.

Upstaged75
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would never stay with a partner after I found out what they had done. Yet he keeps making excuses for her.

Load More Comments
Related on Bored Panda
Related on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda