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There's usually so much going on at a wedding that it's impossible to catch every detail. The bride and groom might not realize how much drama is taking place between their guests, and the guests may be blissfully unaware of a spat that took place between the “happy” couple.
But one person who does see everything is the photographer. And if anyone can make a safe bet on whether or not the newlyweds will last, it’s them. Wedding photographers on Reddit have been detailing how they predict whether or not a couple is headed for divorce, so we’ve gathered some of their stories below. Enjoy reading through, and be sure to upvote the ones that you find particularly juicy!
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#1
Not a photographer, but hairstylist. One wedding I did I could tell it wasn't going to last. She was young, couldn't even drink yet, he was at least ten years older. They were getting married because her family was very religious and I got the impression that they chose him and thought she should marry him more than she wanted to marry him, she liked the idea of a wedding (and moving out of her parents place) more than she was in love. A year later it was over but she was so much better off. She'd grown so much and had moved out on her own and had become a grown up. I was really happy for her.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 5 hours ago
I firmly believe that even marriages / relationships with a considerable age gap can work if the circumstances are right. A loveless marriage arranged by overly religious nuts is, however, definitely not that.
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#2
I think all of the couples I did photos for as a solo photographer are still together. I've done a ton of second-shooting over the past decade or so though, and I don't really have any way of knowing if any of those couples divorced.
I do sometimes wonder, though. Especially in the cases where the bride & groom don't really socialize with/pay attention to one another during their own wedding day. I get it when couples are trying to spend all their time with their guests, but sometimes it's extreme.
I also wonder about the brides & grooms who make snarky remarks during the day. Like, if I only know you for eight hours, but I know you're upset your new spouse didn't let you plan any of the wedding, then I'm not sure you have your priorities straight.
And I wonder about their relationships when they're just jerks in general. Did you make your groomsmen all get different suits the day before the wedding? Did you spend the morning making misogynist comments to your photographer? You're probably difficult to be in a relationship with.
For the most part, though? I'm seeing everyone for 6-12 hours on the happiest day of their life, so I have every reason (and hope!) to think they're still together.
^^except ^^for ^^the ^^jerks.
#3
Not a wedding photographer, but I planned events (mostly weddings) for several years. The number one I would say is contempt. If either of the couple has contempt for the other (not respecting their opinion, minimizing their thoughts, puts down their partner, etc) I guarantee the couple will divorce. Unless they are Catholic. Then its 50/50.
#4
I've shot (filmed and photographed) about 275 weddings. Ive delivered the video/photos about 3-6 months later to almost every one if them. On 9 specific occasions I was delivering the images to a divorced couple (3-6 months after their wedding mind you)
One couple I shot in in Mexico, rented a massive resort all to themselves and wedding guests, and ended up canceling the entire wedding halfway through the reception. The groom decided that his wedding day was the day to reveal his closet alcoholism to his new wife who just got out of rehab. Long story short, the most lavish weddings are sometimes the most shallow. I feel like the majority of couples I shoot are rich men finding trophy wives the higher up I move in the wedding market.
#5
I'm not but my long term gf of over 3 years is. I just asked her. She said "my favorite couple that I thought would last forever just got divorced, and the couple where the bride tried to leave her own wedding. .. yeah they are pregnant for baby number 4." So I guess there's just no way to know.
Sonitar Brown 2 hours ago
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#6
I went to the wedding of my ex-girlfriend's cousin a few years ago. She and I had only been together for about 6 months, so it was actually the first time I had met either one of them. I didn't say anything to my girlfriend at the time, because I didn't know them at all aside from stories she told me, but I felt like they wouldn't last very long.
At the reception, she spent most of her time just talking with her friends and didn't interact much with anyone else at all. He went around and tried to get time with everyone, but every so often I would see him with her and she would kind of not even acknowledge that he was there very much. When I walked passed her one time on the way to grab a beer, I heard her talking to a friend about her dress and how she almost got one that was cheaper, but as soon as she saw this one she had to have it.
At one point of the night, I was outside smoking with some of the other guests and he came out the back. He was one of those types of people that only smokes when they are drunk, which wasn't that often for him since he was doing his residency at a hospital, so he was always really busy. The entire time he kept looking at the door and whenever it opened and someone came out, he quickly moved his hand holding the cigarette behind his back, because he thought it was her.
It didn't surprise me when about a year later they got divorced. Apparently, she just kind of was taking advantage of him, staying home all day (she didn't work) spending thousands of dollars ordering clothes and shoes online using his money and credit cards she took out.
#7
Ah! Wedding photographer here.
My very first wedding was a couple who was getting married by the art museum in Philly. I had my friend whose been a wedding photographer for ten years with me to show me the ropes after doing a lot of second shooting with him.
So he poses a kissing shot of the couple, and when he asks them to kiss the bride goes "oh, no, no thank you" in this weird little mousey voice.
He has shot over a 100 weddings and said he never saw a couple so not into each other as much as they were.
The whole thing was weird. The groom didn't even bother to properly make himself look presentable on his wedding day, it was literally the first time both sides of the family met that day. Weird people.
#8
I run a wedding photography company that does a fairly large number of weddings each year (we'll wind up doing around 70 in 2014) and have personally photographed around 250 weddings at this point.
While there isn't a surefire way of knowing, I think I have a statistically significant level of accuracy for guessing whether a couple will still be together in five or ten years.
For me, there are two giveaways:
1) What people who give **speeches** (maid of honor, best man, father of the bride) say about the person their friend/relative is marrying is a huge giveaway. Do they feel like this person enriches their new spouse's life? Do they see them as an extension of their family or as a close friend? Are their anecdotes about how each person complements the other? Or are they simply "happy for them"?
I've heard some truly heartfelt, touching words shared during toasts... and have heard others that were seriously underwhelming. If it isn't easy for you to think of why this person is a good match for your friend, that's a bad sign.
2) This is going to sound totally cheesy but I feel even more strongly about this: what happens during **the cake cutting**. Sweetly feeding one another? Good sign. A playful smear of icing on the nose? No problem.
But every once in a while someone will *retaliate*--bad sign. I think it's indicative of the sort of contempt which will doom the relationship. Even if you don't want that fondant on your face, you need to be able to laugh it off and have a good time.
That said, there are always exceptions: one couple whose rehearsal dinner and wedding I photographed (and who seemed to be totally in love and have the unequivocal support of both friends and family) essentially got divorced on their honeymoon. When they came back to town, she "disappeared" (the groom's words), only to reappear a week later to take all of her things.
I still wonder what happened on that trip to evoke such a strong turn of events... And it's worth noting that, oh, 95% of our couples are truly sweet, awesome people who seem very deeply in love.
**TL;DR:** Yes, we can totally tell by how your friends toast you and how you treat one another when you've got slices of cake in your hands.
#9
Usually during the romantic pictured they have no obvious signs of affection to each other. Perhaps this is just the couples I work with but when we tell them to kiss and hold hands and be affectionate, the couples that have no problem being close usually last. There are so that are very timid and almost afraid the other partner is going to bite their head off. Those are the couples that won't last.
Also a few things I have also noticed is some brides are almost more in love with the idea of a wedding rather then the person they are marrying. I shot one wedding where the girl had 4 different dresses for the entire day, elaborate jewelry and everything was over the top, but this was no interaction between the bride and groom at this wedding. The other photographer and I made bet it wouldn't last. Sure enough a few weeks later we get a call to not worry about processing the pictures they had paid for because they were calling it off.
With that being said, I know I am very affectionate and always smiling around the girl that I am marrying in less then 16 hours! Wish us luck. :).
#10
I've taken my share of wedding pictures. When the bride and groom spend the whole reception apart, or you can't tear the groom out of the bar, or away from whatever sports game is on, it generally does not work out well.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 5 hours ago
I think that alcohol-free weddings should be more normalized. IMO the downsides greatly outweights the benefits and if someone wanted to get wasted, they could do it at those stag/hen parties.
#11
Wedding photographer checking in: don't know if they are still together, but one groom was on his phone while walking down the aisle. And he was in jeans. She wasn't the happiest (sadly I did not get any of her reaction shots).
Luke || Kira (he/she) 4 hours ago
I don't have anything against a wedding in jeans, if both parties decide it's fine, but bro, those reels can wait.
#12
Well, I don't know if this couple actually divorced, but here is the story anyway. I was a second shooter at the high profile wedding. Both bride and groom are lawyers and absolutely emotionally checked out. They looked like business partners. Absolutely no posing or kissing on camera! Strangest thing of all was that at the end of the ceremony there was no kiss or exchange of rings. Her family member did ceremony and just skipped the whole thing. Whole ceremony lasted less than 5min. I saw them exchanging rings later on that night .... As for every other wedding I did, people are usually to nervous or exceeded to be angry, as the matter of fact most couples that come to pick up albums after wedding tell me that whole day was just a blur.
#13
One of my couples this year doesn't seem like it'll last, judging from our first meeting. The guy was absolutely upset that they were spending an incredibly modest $1,250 on me - far below anyone else good in the area as I'm just starting out. He thought they could find someone that they could "just like, buy them a drink or something."
You could tell she could tell how incredibly stupid this was, and was very upset at him. They quiet argued in front of me, and eventually signed on. If I wasn't desperate to build my portfolio I would have turned them down. Anyways, it doesn't seem too promising.
#14
I do wedding photography part time and the couples with the most sensible simple weddings seem to last longer.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 4 hours ago
That seems to be the rule. My friend, who is a singer on weddings, confirms that, too. The more lavish, luxurious wedding, the less likely it is going to last.
#15
I shot a wedding. Two military families. They couldn't be more different. They already had a kid together, he lives in Japan, she lives in San Diego. They families had never met before. It was a very small, very awkward wedding. I can't see them being together very long. Just...very different people with little in common.
Luke || Kira (he/she) 4 hours ago
Military service always seems to k!ll something very important inside every person that goes through it and permanently alter them.
#17
I have an album of photos of my now ex-husband glaring at me. It'd be difficult for the photographer to have *not* noticed.
#18
Not a photographer (nor do I play one on TV) but I've been to a bunch of weddings. One that gave off alarm bells was a female friend's wedding - and when the best man (groom's brother) gave the speech, he didn't mention the bride ONCE. It wasn't off the cuff remarks and he forgot, it was a prepared, moderately long speech. No shocker here: divorced in 2 years...
#19
I was told by our photographer - "If the man looks for the woman on how to position themselves rather than the person taking the pictures, there's going to be trouble"
#20
I am in touch with many of my clients, because they come back for family photo sessions and such. I've been shooting weddings for 4 years, at a rate of 12-15 a year. I've only known of one to be divorced, and in hindsight, their divorce doesn't surprise me. They only dated for a few months before they got engaged and got married even before their 1 year anniversary. But, I do look at some photos and wonder how they are and do some Facebook stalking. So far everyone is still married besides the one couple.
#21
This is the closest to relevant I have been for a post. I've worked for a portrait photographer in Myrtle Beach for the past eight years. The biggest sign for me is how bossy the bride is to the groom. If she's totally running the show to the point where he is getting a little annoyed, that's a huge sign. It's the happiest day of his life, and he's angry. Not good.
Also if either the bride or groom has a bratty kid already from a previous husband/wife/baby daddy/momma. The new dad/mom will usually think they can stand it but then will end of leaving.
Did a wedding in 2012 at a really really nice hotel and the newlyweds broke it off last year. It started raining and the wedding had to be moved inside and the bride was flat out sobbing. The groom was told of this and his reaction was just exasperation. Also, she had a bratty kid who wouldn't cooperate in any of the photos.
#22
If the best man is holding the bride's hand in the pics, it probably won't last.
#23
Wedding photog here, worked with hundreds of couples. I'm clearly late to the game but figured I would chime in.
There are definitely times where I've thought, "these guys might not last more than a few years" and been correct. I get pretty attached to the couples I work with a truly do wish them the best, but it doesn't always have a fairy tale ending.
If I had to pick a trend, it would be really self centered brides (or quick tempered ones) or lazy/immature grooms. Really bad combination if both of them are that way. Sometimes I'm completely shocked to find out a couple has split up, other times it's almost to be expected.
I will say that of all the couples I've worked with that have split up, they all married quite young. Sure that doesn't help.
#24
Not photographer, but catering dude here. One in particular stands out... When the groom is drunk before the ceremony and spends the night hitting on the bartender while the bride bawls her eyes out in her father's lap... Kind of a giveaway.
#25
I was invited to a wedding of one of my wife's coworkers son . The couple were in early twenties and ceremonyreception were held in a vfw hall . catered buffet and a djkaraoke guy . Grooms familly was very conservative . People from brides familly tried to sneak in a cooler of beer and hide it under the head table but were caught by the bartender . best part was the bride dedicated a karaoke song to the groom and sang the Divynals "when i touch myself" complete with touching herself . The grooms mom was crying .
#26
This is only extremely tangentially related to the topic at hand, but my father is an artist who entertains at weddings (and other events).
Apparently there was one wedding he went to in which the bride cheated on the groom with the best man in a car...
I imagine that marriage didn't last particularly long. xD.
#27
Usually its just the typical cues. The clients of mine that are on my facebook are still married, but not sure about the rest. I guess I could look them up. There was one couple that I remember back in 2011 that was young, and both families had $. She still seemed like she had some partying left in her. Both pretty decent lookin. But really it is kinda hard to tell because everybody is usually in a good mood, and at the least putting on a front.
#28
It's more easily told in the engagement session. At least for me. Most wedding photogs offer engagement sessions before the wedding. We do this to get to know the bride and groom, what their expectations are, what photos they choose from their session show us what they might like for their wedding shots, and so that they are more comfortable with us and vice versa on the wedding day.
That being said, there are a lot of engaged couples that I've been shocked they even made it to the wedding.
Big clues are:
1. They have nothing in common.
2. Neither respect the others wishes even with small things involving the shoot.
3. General interactions with each other aren't very positive.
Honestly there are tons of factors like religion and culture that also play into it. Met a couple who were extremely incompatible but their culture really frowns on divorce and they are still going strong.
#29
My dad was a wedding photographer for many years, and I usually held the reflectors when they did shoots outside.
I can't really say much for figuring out if a couple would get divorced, but many couples just were extremely uncomfortable. This may have to do with the fact that they were being photographed, though.
And as for how we found out they divorced, we don't really. But some couples just don't call back about prints. Weird, because who buys prints and albums...but never picks them up?
#30
I'm a videographer, not a photographer, but I'm still standing around with a camera all night. I've noticed a couple of weddings where the bride and groom just didn't seem to click. It's kind of hard to explain, but there's a way certain couples act, where you just know they are deeply in love, and there are others where they just act very disconnected and the parent's of the couple are more into the wedding then the couple themselves.
#31
I'm a wedding DJ. Of the literally hundreds of weddings I've been a part of, I know of 6 couples who have divorced. Two I saw coming, one didn't surprise me even though I didn't predict it, and three came as a complete surprise.
For the two that I saw coming, both brides were fooling around on the grooms during the engagement. I know because one of them was sleeping with my roommate at the time and the other one I found out through one of her friends that I was casually seeing at the time.
The one that didn't surprise me, they were white trash. I don't know why they divorced but it wouldn't surprise me if it involved infidelity. Not to say that white trash are more prone to infidelity... Or maybe I do mean that.
#32
Most that I've shot seem to be stressed because of the wedding. If I do their engagement shoot, that's really if I can tell if they're good together. A few that I've shot that were cranky with each other during the engagement shoot, have already divorced. So, I'd say it's easier to tell from the engagement or bridal portraits, than from the wedding itself. I should get into divorce photography; I'd make a lot more money.
#33
I've been photographing weddings for ten years and most of my clients are pretty realistic about getting married and I think they'll stay together. But I have confirmed 2 divorces so far. One I knew because it was a super trashy wedding, both the bride and grooms 3rd marriage, and usually the people who have been divorced divorce several times. The other I was also pretty sure about because the groom just looked really put off by his bride. They ordered a ton of product as well so I was bugging them to pick out their wedding album photos and the bride got back to me after four months and said that he had left her. After shooting 350-400 weddings I have a pretty good sense of what a couple's dynamic is and often can tell if my clients are really in love or just getting married because of societal pressures.
#34
There are none that im aware of, but there have been several weddings where ive said to myself, wow... why the hell are these two together? In my own experiences, ive mostly seen more crazy brides than grooms, but there are incidences of both.
A few examplss:
- Girl was complete jerk to her parents the whole day, kept yelling at her mom and then apologizing to me because 'God, my mom doesn't know how to smile'
- Girl burst into tears during photoshoot after the ceremony... i just asked her how she was feeling now that the ceremony was done (a standard question usually met with excitement and relief), because she was upset that the priest didnt recognize her family enough in his short sermon
- Bride who didnt want any pictures. She said take 'em if you like, but i'm not posing for any portraits or stopping what i'm doing.
In each of these cases, the spouses of these characters have been super nice, which makes me think they're enabling the bad behavior by being accommodating.
Never a dull moment!
#35
If the couple blinks at different intervals, like almost every pic one of them is blinking, I assume they are out of sync and won't last.
#36
I haven't really kept track of all my clients, I only know of two or possibly 3 separations.
The first couple I ever shot were incredibly young so I guess it wasn't a huge shock.
The second I only realised when a couple of years later the bride was using her maiden name again, I was quite surprised but in hindsightif the fiance changes in the time a photographer is booked without changing the booking it's probably not the romance of the century.
There is another couple who I still hear about as we have a mutual friend and it sounds very on and off but they aren't divorced. He seemed more in love than she did but there weren't any warning signs as such. Well the pre wedding couple shoot was just her, that was unusual.
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