26 Of The Craziest “Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace” Objections Witnessed By Officiants
Such a seemingly harmless formality as “speak now or forever hold your peace” can go either way. Sometimes all it is is a silent pause when everyone holds their breath, while other times it stirs up so much drama that it’s impossible to continue the ceremony.
Wedding officiants are the ones who witness the aftermath of this question more than anyone else. So when netizens on Reddit asked them to share what happened after the pitiful phrase had been spoken, they didn’t hold back. Scroll down to find the most popular and juicy ones that will probably make you feel like you’re in a rom-com movie.
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On the day of her wedding, I told my close friend I thought she was totally insane. I pointed out that she'd met the guy 3 months before, when she'd just been dumped by the man she'd been in love with for 6 years. And he'd done nothing but live with her rent free, jobless, smoking weed every few hours, since. That he couldn't hold a job and wasn't that cute and had weird uber-religious parents. I also said, if you do this you'll never finish college, you know? (we were 20 at the time) She thanked me for my opinion and said she was doing it anyway. They've been married now for more than ten years, have a cute little farmhouse and one child. He's an amazing dad and a loyal, loving husband.
My dad, just before he walked 19-year old me down the aisle, whispered in my ear, "You don't have to go through with it, sweetheart." 3 years of abuse and a divorce later, I wish I hadn't.
Aww, this hurts. It's not just the 3 years of abuse, it's the following years of trauma you will experience. I'm so sorry that you have had to put up with this :(
My dad cried at my wedding. When I finally got out of that mentally abusive marriage, my mom told me that his tears weren't joyful. I wish someone had spoken up earlier.
Unfortunately, we don't have a crystal ball, too bad for many !!!
My dad asked me if I wanted to continue and all I could think about was the $$$ spent on the event. Three years later we divorced. He was secretly gay and just couldn't come out. I was in denial. All worked out for both us us in the end, but we are not friends. Wish I'd listened to dad.
Not the officiant, but a guest at a wedding years ago at the bride's parents home. Everything was perfect. They thought that they had thought of everything, but when the question was asked, right on cue, the cuckoo clock sounded off. It was ten minutes before they could continue, and even then the officiant, bride and groom were choking back giggles. They were still together 25 years and 2 kids later.
Becoming a wedding officiant and getting to witness dramatic ceremony interruptions firsthand is surprisingly easy. The position doesn’t require any level of education and all one has to do is send an application to a desired organization.
After the person is approved they are sent a wedding officiant license or a Minister ID number. And just like that, they can start marrying couples. In most states in America, they can perform the ceremony as soon as they have the credentials, but in some, they’re required to register with a government office.
As of March 2023, there’s even an option to obtain a one-day marriage license in New York, which gives an individual the power to formalize a union just for a $25 fee.
I attended a wedding to do only this about 13 years ago. A friend in college had dated someone who was abusive.. verbally and physically. I was aware of this, and the guy kept it going, he was abusive all the way. He was going to get married to a woman we all knew, and I had been told through one of her friends that he had an 'abuse' issue with his new fiance once, but she forgave him and that it 'wasn't a big thing'. Knowing that he had abused her too, I showed up at the wedding and pointed out that the guy was a serial abuser and that if it was my kid, I would not want this wedding to happen. The wedding did not go on. I left hurriedly right after because.. let's just say I didn't feel so safe for bringing it up openly there. I hope she had a fine life afterwards.
"I'D RATHER DIE THAN LET THIS MAN MARRY MY DAUGHTER!!" -Mother of Daughter
The husband was an abusive alcoholic, the daughter showing up at her mother's door multiple times covered in bruises with her children crying, and when the priest asked the daughter if she still wanted to continue she was like "Yeah. He's gonna change."
He did not.
It happened at my wedding. My now husbands group of high school friends say together at the back. When the question was asked one yelled “but I love him!” The room was silent for a second before my husband and I broke out laughing. It wasn’t a serious ceremony, we had a sex joke mixed in there and I had a bridesmaid faint. 10/10 would have my ceremony happen the same way.
Wedding officiant Michael Motylisnki told Roceteer (career blog) that no other job comes close to this one. For a typical ceremony, he spends about 30-45 minutes "working" and the stress is non-existent. He gets excited for every celebration and doubts that he’ll ever get tired of it.
“With my abilities as an officiant, I can make an enormous difference in people’s lives by making their weddings unforgettable. They will remember their wedding forever, and I get to be a part of it. I like to think my picture sits on every one of my couple’s mantles,” he said.
At my wedding a few years back, a good friend of mine stood up and told me he'd always been in love with me, and begged me to run away with him. My relationship with my fiance/now-husband was fantastic and I'd never seen my friend as a romantic partner, so there was no way that was happening. I told him I was happy where I was and that I was sorry I couldn't return his feelings but that's just how it was, to which he threatened to [unalive] himself if he had to watch me marry another man. So I kicked him out. The night my husband and I got back from our honeymoon this friend called to tell me he'd just swallowed a bunch of pills and it was my fault. I called the EMTs to save him, and have washed my hands of him since.
Glad to hear that OP didn't fall for that s**t move. Men need to learn that they cannot always make a woman responsible for how they behave. You cannot live without her, so you want to kill yourself? That's your decision. also, guilt-tripping someone isn't love, it's close to mental rape. She's better off without you.
At my wedding we were asked that, as the room went silent all of a sudden we heard my friend's 4 year old pipe up with "I'm a jellyfish!". Broke the tension!
My grandmother's sister's family owns a large farm and on this farm is a beautiful strawberry patch. My cousin got married in peak strawberry season in the patch. It was beautiful. The patch is right beside the irrigation pond the sprinkler system is attached to that keeps the strawberries watered. As the preacher asked if anyone objected to the match a flock of geese took off from the pond going, "WAAAACK, WAAAACK, WAAAAACK, WAAAACK!" It was captured on film and everyone got a kick out of it.
He also loves the drama of these celebrations, which he shares with his wife. He tells how groomsmen show up hungover and late, the mothers of the couple don’t get along, or the bride hates the music. Recently, he performed a wedding where the best man drank too much and stripped naked at the beach “to the horror of the bride’s and groom’s families." And if you’re wondering, no, the beach wasn’t particularly a nudist one.
I'm a wedding photographer and about 3 years ago I was photographing a wedding in Liverpool in the UK (I highlight this as those people who know Liverpool will know)
I started work at 8am with bride prep. About 6 hours into my day it was the ceremony after photographing guests etc. That went by without a hitch. Did the bride and groom photos and heard so many I love you's and we headed inside where it was the wedding breakfast/meal. Then the speeches came.
Brides father gave a brilliant speech. Grooms father was pretty good too. Best mans was abit awkward and shakey. Then it came to the grooms.
He started by thanking everyone for coming and apologised wasting their time. He went on to say how his best man and wife had an affair 6 months previous for a good couple of months but called it off blah blah blah. Turns out the brides mum and dad knew and didn't say anything (they paid for all the wedding) so he decided to go through the day wasting all their money and brides etc. Him and his best mates minus best man went on the honeymoon to Mexico instead.
Was a pretty awkward ordeal!
I haven't but someone at my first wedding did. The groom's mother took me aside and said "I'll give you $100 to leave right now, this family is nuts." She would know, she divorced the groom's father twice and now had almost nothing to do with them they were so terrible. Little did she know, the wedding was fake, we were married exactly 1 year before that when he convinced me he'd be deployed and I'd be left stranded by myself. I would've taken her $100 and gone too. He was crazy.
In my experience, when family tells you that the person is crazy, you better believe it! Had a friend who was in a very bad relationship. He broke it off with the girl in a bad way (she was on some sort of a school trip to Italy and probably cheating, he moved all his stuff and let her come home to a house with only her things left) and when the gf and my friend were to sell their house she had brought her dad who took my friend to the side and said that the gf had done what she'd done to him, to several guys before and he was so glad for my friend that he got out of it.
I wasn't there, but when my cousin was little (like 3) she attended her dad's best friend's wedding. She was in love with said best friend. So when they asked that, she yelled "WHY DID YOU MARRY HER?!" Much laughter ensued, and we still talk about it thirty years later. Pretty sure they're still married.
Friend's in-home wedding. A thunderstorm started as they started the ceremony. "Speak now or forever hold your peace" - huge thunderclap that echoed for a few seconds. It was accurate, don't think they lasted a year.
Mandatory "not an officant" disclaimer. After my mom died from a brain tumor in her early 50s, dad met a woman at a bereavement group. I happened to go to college with this woman's son, but I didn't know this at the time. Anyway, dad started dating this woman who turned out to be crazy. That didn't stop dad from deciding they should get married. My sister, her then-boyfriend, my then-wife and I were all present at the wedding, along with her kids and friends from both sides. During this part of the ceremony, my sister's boyfriend started chanting under his breath "don't do it. DON'T. DO. IT." All 4 of us nearly lost it at that point. I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud that I was having trouble breathing. Dad and the crazy b***h were married, and she went from bad to worse. Dad got sick and was prescribed pain meds, which she stole from him and self-medicated herself. Dad, barely able to walk, would leave the house to go out, just to get away from her. He ended up in the hospital for an extended time (emergency surgery and a long recovery). I flew halfway around the world to visit him when he was admitted to the hospital, but his crazy wife couldn't be bothered to drive 15 minutes to see him. He was still recovering and realized that he was going to spend the rest of his life in an assisted living facility, so he filed for divorce from the crazy one. They sold the house they had bought, and dad put all his money into a trust fund, managed by my sister, so that his soon-to-be-ex couldn't get her fingers on it. He passed away shortly thereafter. I remember very little of the wedding, except my ex-BIL repeating "DON'T DO IT!" ...
My grandmother died way before my dad married. My youngest aunt was only 10 at the time and my grandfather married a widow with 4 kids (back in those days that was common - men did not "raise" children). She was a fuuucking nasty old bittch. I remember when I was a little kid visiting my grandpa near Christmas, there would be presents, but none for us. All for her grandkids. Bought with Grandpa's money. When my grandfather died all his considerable property (farms, beach homes) went to his wife. When she died she left it all to her own kids. My father and his sisters got nothing. He was bitter about this until the day he died.
I wasn't officiating but attending a family friends wedding (Groom). I was sitting pretty far back so I didnt hear everything but basically as soon as the officiant said "Speak now or forever hold your peace". One of the bridesmaids had muttered something under her breath. There was a big gasp and then chaos because one of the other bridesmaids had started swinging on her and the bride was egging her on. The groomsmen stepped up and broke it up and the bride and groom walked away to talk.
What I found out was the bridesmaid who had spoken up was the groom's sister. She apparently had found out that on the weekend of the bachelorette party the bride had screwed her ex BF. She had muttered it "under her breath" but of course loud enough for the wedding party to hear. The brides best friend then started swinging on her.
Everything was awkward until they called the wedding off and hour later.
A few months later they broke up. I guess the bride had had a few more indiscretions during their relationships that came out in counseling.
For my dad’s cousin’s wedding, when that question was asked, my two year old cousins screamed NOOOOOO! really loudly which was hilarious
I love when young children interject, so freaking cute and funny.
I knew for a fact the bride had cheated on the groom while they were engaged, about three months previous. My speaking up ruined a few friendships, had several people from the bride's family try to assault me, and ended my friendship with the groom. He later confided that he appreciated me speaking up, but hated me for not doing it sooner, and said it hurt too much to be around me after that.
We were doing the practice run the day before the wedding and my best man took me aside and told me in private that if I got cold feet he would object and “start some s**t” to distract everyone for me to make my exit. He even checked the back church doors to make sure. During the ceremony he was the first person I looked at when they asked. Besides the Peter griffin laugh when he handed me the ring it all went smoothly.
In a way, I like this. Best man just gave him the option in case something was going on. Less nice that it was about 'getting cold feet'. Men, if marriage is such a terrible thing for you, don't get married. Stay single and alone, where you're happy. Or, perhaps, realise that this is a s****y cliche, and that being with the person you (say you) love is actually a great thing.
True story: My Father has been married 5 times, and at the last wedding it happened - twice.
July 7th, 2007 the family and friends began to gather; all of us taking turns trying to talk him out of marrying the woman he had only met a few months before, but his mind was set. Since the date was so popular and arrangements were made so late the "minister" was a used car salesman with a certificate from an online site. The wedding and reception were held in my fathers back yard that happened to be right next door to his best friend, which he proves to be that day... I was resigned to my fate of best man that day ( my first and only time with that honor) when the ceremony began. My father began with a speech explaining how two people could meet and fall in love in such a short time and that he knew it was hard to believe... and that's when his best friend, just in time from his fishing trip, raised his Tanqueray and tonic to ask, "is this the part where we object? Cause I'd like to!" In all my life I've never witnessed the mix of relief/shock/humor/horror and all the other emotions this stirred... my sister cried, his friends laughed, her family cringed, but my sweet grandmother was so stoic I'll never forget. My father calmly said, "no Bud not yet" and went on; he began to talk about other relationships and people and how he knew this a marriage thay would last. And that's when our hero spoke again, "How about now? I REALLY need to object to this!" The same sentiment was felt throughout and yet my father replied, "no Bud we're not doing that" and then turned to the minster and said, "we should probably skip that part." The ceremony went on... and so did the marriage- for about 6 months.
Tl; dr my dad's best friend objected at his wedding and my dad wished he had listened.
Close. I was the best man for my best friend in college. He was marrying his crazy girlfriend because of family pressures. We were at a very swank place in Dallas where the wedding was about to take place smoking a joint to take off the edge before the wedding. I was trying to get him to jump in the car with me to take off and blow off the event that would ruin his life. I had almost talked him out of it. Unfortunately, he was miked up because the bride's family wanted a video of the whole thing. The photographer/videographer came running up the stairs to tell him he couldn't leave because all of the effort that had gone into the big production his wedding had turned into. He wound up marrying girlfriend. One kid and two years later, they had a very messy divorce. A little more weed and I probably could have saved him a lot of money.
Went did the videographer care? They should have already been paid....unless it was a family friend or family member🤔
Well...if "speaking now" the day before counts and for your own wedding, then yes, I did.
Ultimately neither of us were ready for marriage as we were pretty immature in a few key areas of our lives. In the weeks leading up to our wedding I kept on feeling more and more uneasy. I told my parents and they wanted to make sure it wasn't just nerves. I assured them it wasn't. This was a feeling of pure dread. Fear and hesitation are a good bit different than anxiousness and excitement. I flew in a week early, she lived in a different state. All the while I had The feeling of "you gotta het outta here!" It was difficult because I hate disappointing people. But I had to follow my gut. I told her the night before and left.
I've had nothing but words of love and support from friends and family. Some people were upset at my choice and execution but when they heard it from my angle, it was easier for them to understand. My ex and I still talk every now and then. Its been good for both of us!!
Brave, and the right thing to do it before getting married than after.
Only thing close, although I wasn’t the officiant, was the grooms mother coughed when this was asked, as she didn’t like the bride.
I got really drunk at my mother's wedding to a guy she'd known for nine months who was really a jerk. There was no 'speak now' moment but during the pre-ceremony mingling I was loudly expressing how much of a jerk I thought her fiance was and she overheard me. The conversation went something like: 'I had no idea you felt that way.' 'I think we all do, he honestly is a real jerk of a man.' I kept overusing the word 'jerk' while others around the place better articulated my sentiment and the general opinion was that yes, he was an utter jerk. The wedding was called off, he left, mother got extremely drunk and we all showed up to the wake/reception anyway for a night of dancing while the staff stood around awkwardly. We look back on it as one of the best things that has ever happened and she's with a really nice guy now. Her ex collapsed one day and it turns out he has a hole in his heart and he refuses to stop being obese so he'll be dead or in and out of hospital soon anyway. Dodged a bullet there.
"He refuses to stop being obese" is one of the strangest terms I've ever heard.
We are at a beautiful outdoor wedding with a lot of guests. The preacher gets to the part where he asks for anyone to speak or forever hold their peace and my wife's step-mom raises her hand. All of the focus goes to her, everyone is staring at her, the bride looked straight pissed. When the preacher asked her what she had to say, she yelled ''I'm kidding!" It [damaged] the entire vibe.
I did. My friend for 6 years was going to get married to this girl I was dealing [drugs] to, he had no idea I knew her and suddenly half a year later they were getting married. I decided to "speak now". I just didn't wanna forever hold my peace I guess.
I was the best man at my step brother's wedding. While in the back of the church, I let him know that I parked the car directly outside the door where we were. I explained that I didn't think this was a good idea and he barely knew her. I said something like she is probably a complete psycho the way she smiles like that all the time. He agreed and we opened the door just as her car pulled into the parking lot. He got all nervous and ducked back inside. Years later she is in a mental institution and stuck with 3 kids, two that he's pretty sure are his and 1 that is slightly darker skin toned...
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There's a reason why marriage is called "taking the plunge." It's not unlike diving into a swimming pool. If you wouldn't dive into one that was empty, full of contaminated water, or contained rusted metal and broken glass, why in heaven's name would you jump into a lifelong commitment without careful consideration and preparation? Exchanging vows doesn't make problems go away, it amplifies them several fold. If the other person is unfaithful, abusive in any way, having issues with controlled substances/alcohol, utilizes weaponized incompetence, refuses to budget or even get a job NOW, "I do" won't force them to turn a new leaf. Also, there's no shame in admitting that you're just not ready to take such a big step. Better to say so before the ceremony than years down the line.
Some of these stories were so badly written that I had quite an effort understanding them. Please people, use correct grammar and punctuation.
Two of my and my husband's friends had a beautiful outdoor wedding, and the bride arrived on her horse. When the pastor got to the "speak now" bit, her horse gave the LOUDEST, LONGEST WHINNY I have EVER heard from him. There was about half a second of dead silence, followed by absolute hysteria, everyone was cracking the fųck up, the pastor's face was red trying to hold back his laughter, the groom goes, "I TOLD you he didn't like me!" the bride was doubled over laughing, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life (full story at NotAlwaysRight.com if anyone's curious, title is "You Say i Do, I Say Neigh"). Almost a decade later, they're still happily married!
I (friend of the groom)was at a wedding where the guests (friends of the bride) behind my bf and I talked about how they hoped the bride would run away from the whole wedding. They didn't speak up during the ceremony, though. But it did make for an awkward dinner for my bf and I afterwards as we were seated at the same table as those friends. 😬 we will never tell the groom this because he seems to be really happy with his wife. And I really hope that they will stay together.
I am surprised there are so many that sound recent, since you aren't legally required to have that part in anymore (at least where I live).
My son attended the wedding of a fraternity brother. It was a super fancy and very expensive affair. Two weeks later, the fraternity brother moved back into the frat house because it turns out the wedding was a fake. They knew they shouldn't get married but had spent so much money they didn't want to cancel. So, they had the wedding but didn't sign the marriage license. We decided there is no way the officiant, who was an ordained pastor, knew this was going to happen. No real pastor would go along with such a charade. Also - they didn't return the wedding gifts. Double tacky!
My wife and I specifically told our officiant NOT to include that question in our ceremony.
I've never been to a wedding where they asked that question. I've only ever heard it on TV.
Load More Replies... There's a reason why marriage is called "taking the plunge." It's not unlike diving into a swimming pool. If you wouldn't dive into one that was empty, full of contaminated water, or contained rusted metal and broken glass, why in heaven's name would you jump into a lifelong commitment without careful consideration and preparation? Exchanging vows doesn't make problems go away, it amplifies them several fold. If the other person is unfaithful, abusive in any way, having issues with controlled substances/alcohol, utilizes weaponized incompetence, refuses to budget or even get a job NOW, "I do" won't force them to turn a new leaf. Also, there's no shame in admitting that you're just not ready to take such a big step. Better to say so before the ceremony than years down the line.
Some of these stories were so badly written that I had quite an effort understanding them. Please people, use correct grammar and punctuation.
Two of my and my husband's friends had a beautiful outdoor wedding, and the bride arrived on her horse. When the pastor got to the "speak now" bit, her horse gave the LOUDEST, LONGEST WHINNY I have EVER heard from him. There was about half a second of dead silence, followed by absolute hysteria, everyone was cracking the fųck up, the pastor's face was red trying to hold back his laughter, the groom goes, "I TOLD you he didn't like me!" the bride was doubled over laughing, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life (full story at NotAlwaysRight.com if anyone's curious, title is "You Say i Do, I Say Neigh"). Almost a decade later, they're still happily married!
I (friend of the groom)was at a wedding where the guests (friends of the bride) behind my bf and I talked about how they hoped the bride would run away from the whole wedding. They didn't speak up during the ceremony, though. But it did make for an awkward dinner for my bf and I afterwards as we were seated at the same table as those friends. 😬 we will never tell the groom this because he seems to be really happy with his wife. And I really hope that they will stay together.
I am surprised there are so many that sound recent, since you aren't legally required to have that part in anymore (at least where I live).
My son attended the wedding of a fraternity brother. It was a super fancy and very expensive affair. Two weeks later, the fraternity brother moved back into the frat house because it turns out the wedding was a fake. They knew they shouldn't get married but had spent so much money they didn't want to cancel. So, they had the wedding but didn't sign the marriage license. We decided there is no way the officiant, who was an ordained pastor, knew this was going to happen. No real pastor would go along with such a charade. Also - they didn't return the wedding gifts. Double tacky!
My wife and I specifically told our officiant NOT to include that question in our ceremony.
I've never been to a wedding where they asked that question. I've only ever heard it on TV.
Load More Replies...