MIL Feels Entitled To Fat Shame DIL Who Just Gave Birth, It Backfires When She Stops Visiting
For better or for worse, humans are a species that are obsessed with the way they look. Most of us worry about how our hair, face, and body look. Sadly, sometimes, it goes too far. For example, when we start obsessing over not a healthy body image but, rather, over an ideal and not a realistic one, applying these expectations to ourselves and others.
As an example, we can take the OP from today’s story. Right after she gave birth, her MIL kept pressuring her to “bounce back” with her weight and kept making insulting comments about her physical abilities. These comments ended up not only hurting the woman but also hurting the relationship between them.
More info: Reddit
Sadly, sometimes, people feel like commenting on others’ bodies and weight, even if that’s not something those people want
Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual picture)
A woman had a baby five months ago, and ever since the baby was about a month old, her MIL kept implying that she should start losing the weight she gained during the pregnancy
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Aleksander Dumała (not the actual picture)
Image credits: u/Additional-Tough1220
One instance of these implications made the woman lose it — when the MIL said that the woman wouldn’t be able to run due to her weight, although she was a runner before the pregnancy
5 months ago, the OP and her husband had their first baby, who is their little bundle of joy. The mom’s family has been very supportive of the new parents, helping them with food, napping times, and other parenting stuff.
Yet, the dad’s family isn’t as helpful. For instance, despite living 20 minutes away, they don’t visit their grandchild.
And that’s not even the worst part. Only a month after the baby’s birth, the mother-in-law started sharing with the OP how she prioritized losing baby weight. Then these comments got intense when she started comparing the baby’s chubby cheeks to their mom’s, which hurt the woman.
The final straw was when the MIL said the woman shouldn’t start exercising by running — she should choose walking instead, implying she wouldn’t be able to run due to her weight. This comment especially hurt the woman, who, before getting pregnant, was an avid runner. She also struggled with an eating disorder in her teen years.
So, since this fat shaming incident, it’s natural that the woman doesn’t really feel like visiting her MIL anymore. Who would want to go back to the place where they are made to feel bad? Even her husband, whose mom is the fat shamer, supports his wife in this situation.
Yet, the woman still feels bad for not seeing the mother-in-law, especially because without her, it’s difficult to bring the baby to their paternal grandparents.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual picture)
Well, at least people online assured the mother that she shouldn’t feel guilty for prioritizing her mental well-being over a relationship with her in-laws, who don’t seem to be the best people in the world. In fact, some even said that the way of living that is being pushed by the MIL is exhausting – only caring about calories, weight, and how other people look.
A focus only on one’s body is not only exhausting but also damaging, both mentally and physically. It makes people think that losing weight is the way to happiness, which is not true and causes mental health problems and eating disorders. Not to mention how these kinds of worries or various diets can seriously hurt a person’s physical health.
And when it comes to new moms, all these things apply to them as well. Additionally, there are factors of hormonal changes due to pregnancy, labor, breastfeeding, as well as, in some cases, postpartum depression or similar mental struggles. Worrying about “bouncing back” is not something new moms should be doing, as they have enough on their plates.
So, coming back to today’s story, we can understand that being fat-shamed by her own mother-in-law, a person who, technically, should be helping the new mom in such an interesting time of her life, surely doesn’t feel good. So, getting some space from her might be the only good choice right now. As one of the people online pointed out, maybe this will be a wake-up call for the MIL, and in the future, their relationship might be fixable.
The woman doesn’t want to visit her MIL, which complicates her relationship with the grandchild, so the woman feels guilty, but the people online told her she shouldn’t feel bad
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I'm so happy to read a story where the husband has a spine for once. In almost all of these, the husband is a mummy's precious boy who won't help his wife.
Sorry, but grandparents do NOT have a RIGHT to see their grandkids. Especially if they're toxic a-holes.
I wouldn't EVER want to bring my child back there, Grandma's comments can cause her grandchild to have an eating disorder.
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NTA at ALL, and I'm so glad your husband has your back. I have a long history of severe ED so I get it, and right now your job is to protect yourself so you can stay focused on being healthy instead of thin (you put it really well!). And as you are exclusively breastfeeding at 5 months it's obviously especially important your diet is nourishing and there's enough of it. Your MIL is an arsehole and I would NOT want someone with her attitude around food/weight/body image around my child as she grows up, and I'd not be letting her around me at the moment either. NTA one little bit.
I'm so happy to read a story where the husband has a spine for once. In almost all of these, the husband is a mummy's precious boy who won't help his wife.
Sorry, but grandparents do NOT have a RIGHT to see their grandkids. Especially if they're toxic a-holes.
I wouldn't EVER want to bring my child back there, Grandma's comments can cause her grandchild to have an eating disorder.
Load More Replies... NTA at ALL, and I'm so glad your husband has your back. I have a long history of severe ED so I get it, and right now your job is to protect yourself so you can stay focused on being healthy instead of thin (you put it really well!). And as you are exclusively breastfeeding at 5 months it's obviously especially important your diet is nourishing and there's enough of it. Your MIL is an arsehole and I would NOT want someone with her attitude around food/weight/body image around my child as she grows up, and I'd not be letting her around me at the moment either. NTA one little bit.
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