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“Telling A Woman No”: 30 Men Share The Unfair Biases They Experience Because Of Their Gender
Like women, men have their fair share of societal prejudices. However, the harsh reality is that these issues are generally swept under the rug.
So, for today, our focus will be on the gents, specifically the unfair biases they face for being men. We’re revisiting an old Reddit thread that asked, “What shouldn’t men be judged for doing?”
Responses ranged from not knowing how to fix something to owning adult toys, having female friends, and working in female-dominated industries. Scroll down to see more of the top-voted answers.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Maybe a minor one, not talked about a lot but: watching certain movies. Growing up I was always taught that certain things were just for girls. I’m 29, just watched Charlie’s Angels for the first time a month ago and I’m honestly mad at what could’ve been a pretty formative movie.
When I was 14 or so, my uncle was trying to ask me and my cousin which movie we wanted to rent for the evening. It came down to Catwoman or Scorpion King, and my cousin chose Catwoman only for my uncle to say “that’s gay” to which my cousin replied: “how is you wanting to watch The Rock all shirtless and oiled up not gay, but me wanting to watch Halle Berry in a skintight leather cat suit is?”.
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#2
If we are seen crying and/or being vulnerable, we get mocked by society.
Will Smith cried after his wife told him live that she had an affair. People laughed at Will. He became a meme.
Tyrese Gibson had a mental breakdown online in regards to not seeing his daughter in 2 years. People laughed at him. He became a meme too.
Kanye West had a mental breakdown live on TV, people called him “crazy”. He too became a meme.
I saw a meme recently of a random guy cuddling his gf and saying "I want your heart". She recorded it and posted it online. People laughed at him.
Then society wonders why we don't open up about our feelings.
Oerff On Tour 10 months ago
People don't call Kanye West crazy because of his mental breakdown live on TV, but because of all the stupid sh!t he did and said before and after the breakdown. He IS certifiably nuts
#3
Being a parent. Any time a dad is out alone with his kids other people always ask if he's on babysitting duty. It's not called babysitting it's called being a parent.
cerinamroth 10 months ago
It depends where you are. In Germany and the Scandinavian countries, it is absolutely normal for a dad to be looking after kids. It's normal for men to work in childcare, too. No one bats an eyelid.
#4
Telling a woman no.
dicksjshsb:
This is so true not even just for turning a girl down but if you feel like things are moving too fast in a relationship you can feel embarrassed or ashamed to say no. For girls it’s understandably encouraged to set your boundaries and not be pressured into doing things your not comfortable with - but for guys it’s kind of seen like something’s wrong with you.
It’s especially clear when underage guys get taken advantage of by a teacher. People say “that was probably the best day of their life” or something and it’s just clear that guys are expected to welcome almost any (straight) sexual encounter. It’s why I hate the “dudes will f**k anything that moves” stereotype.
Roxy222uk 10 months ago
This type of pressure is put on men by other men. I think many men don't realise that they have their own feelings about whether they do or don't want to have sex with someone. All they know is they're supposed to want sex all the time with any woman that'll have them, and that turning down sex with a willing women is not something a sane man would do. News flash. Men also have personal desires and therefore lacks of desire, and it's not just okay but healthy to say no to sex if they don't actively want to have sex with that particular woman or just aren't in the mood.
#5
Needing help. I recently had one of the biggest breakdowns of my life from internalized trauma and self hate. It took that and the pushing of some friends before I even considered getting therapy. It hurt myself and a lot of folks. If you are hurting, it's OK to go and get help. It's hard really hard, but it'll be worth it.
#6
Not knowing how to fix or do something.
I'm not a car mechanic. I'm not a broadband engineer. I'm not a builder/sparky/plumber.
If I don't know how to do something, I'm not less of a person for acknowledging a gap in knowledge or understanding.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
I learned this when I was a kid, around 12-13. My dad taught me how to do a lot of small home repairs, fix basic electronics/machines, and how to do basic checkup and maintenance of a car (long before I could even drive, lol.) One time my best friend (male) and I went to the movies, and his aunt picked us up and drove us back to my house. Her van started making a knocking sound when she went to leave, and I told her to check the oil because low oil could cause knocking sounds. She said she didn't know how to, and neither did my friend. I checked the oil for her (taking into account that the engine was still hot) and then teased my friend for being a boy and not knowing how to check a car's oil. Later I told my dad about it, and he (gently) chewed me out for teasing my friend and told me it was okay for boys not to know how to work on cars and that I needed to think before I said something like that.
#7
I’d like to be able to tell a woman that she’s pretty without her or anyone else thinking I’m trying to f**k her or that I’m a creep. I can think a woman is pretty without hitting on her.
#8
Having female friends.
Zomburai:
My best friend is a woman. She's literally saved my life, and every way I've bettered myself was in part because she was behind me pushing me to be a better human. She's one of the most important people in my life, and I couldn't be with someone who was ever jealous of her place in it. We would make a horrible couple.
Frozen-Hot-Dog-Water:
I’m close friends with a few girls, particularly closer with one of them. Every time we go out to bars and run into people we know, they ask how long we’ve been together, then act like it’s weird we hang out a lot but don’t date. Like, we’re great friends, but there’s no way we would ever work in a relationship, and that’s fine because we’re both on the same page.
Luke Branwen 10 months ago
Sheer majority of my closest friends are and have been girls/women. They're one of the biggest treasures of my life. And this "men and women can't be friends because they always catch romantic/sexual feelings" is BS. It has happened to me MAYBE twice or so.
#9
Wanting to be left the hell alone.
It’s not that we don’t want to spend time with our partners, but for f**k sake alone time is valuable. Sometimes your man just wants a little time to himself and there’s nothing wrong with that or anything to read into about it.
#10
Not fitting into, or having an interest in, typical "manly" hobbies and interests.
We should be encouraging everyone to pursue and commit to whatever endeavours leave them feeling happy and fulfilled (provided those endeavours aren't at the expense of others), irregardless of what they may be.
cerinamroth 10 months ago
Luckily, my family is a family of highly academic nerds. If you don't have an app telling you when the aurora might be happening, or when the International Space Station is flying overhead, or to identify plants and beetles, or you don't know the main characters and plot points in Star Trek, you're an outlier.
#11
Playing. I bust my butt at work and save money so I can then play. That might be video games, a sport, building random stuff in a workshop, etc., but, whatever it is, let a bro have his hobbies/playtime. See a 30-year-old playing Pokémon? Good, leave him alone and let him have his fun.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
I’m nearly 50 and I still love my video games! It’s not hurting anyone do your thing! Be happy life is too short!
#12
Having an 8, 9, or 10 year old car. I make six figures, have over $1M in savings, and own my 4BR/2BA house outright. Yet I drive a 2014 Subaru.
Why? Because it runs fine and is comfortable and good in the snow, and has an actual f*****g key instead of a button and I can slam down the rear gate instead of pressing a button and standing there like an idiot for five seconds waiting for the gate to close. New cars are f*****g stupid.
ColdSteelRonin 10 months ago
I knew a cardiac surgeon that drove the 20+ year old Honda Civic he had in college. It was well maintained cosmetically and mechanically. I still have my '04 Explorer and keep it well maintained. It's a body on frame build, all wheel and four wheel high and low drive and four wheel independent suspension. They don't make them like that anymore
#13
Sitting down to pee.
VH5150OU812:
Yup. At 53, I have found the bladder empties better, no post-void drip and my wife and two daughters enjoy the fact that they won’t be going for a midnight dip courtesy of dear old dad. Plus, during the inevitable 3 am pee, I can leave the lights off and be certain of hitting my intended target.
cerinamroth 10 months ago
German boys all learn to sit. As the one who tends to clean the bathroom, I appreciate this.
#14
Taking their full paternity leave, as permitted by their employer.
cerinamroth 10 months ago
My husband took the full year here in Germany and his co-workers and boss all congratulated him on being a good role model.
#15
Being the one who takes care of kids in a relationship or making less money than their partner.
88bauss:
I too would like to be a stay at home dog-dad one day. My GF makes more money than me and probably will for a few years, I'll catch up and surpass but it's not about that at all and she has never in 2.5 years said anything about our incomes. We basically live together and I'm there everyday. I'm usually the one taking care of the dogs and her daughter (16) and house chores and it's fine by me and she appreciates it.
Serial pacifist 10 months ago
I think the “I’ll catch up and surpass” part was not needed having in mind the whole intention of the post.
#16
Having empty apartments.
As much as it’s nice to have decorations in a house, I don’t give a s**t about it. as long as my house is clean and I am comfortable in it then I have the essentials. My girlfriend is the only reason our house is decorated.
#17
Being content with enough.
iCan20:
"You're not going to work to provide my daughter everything she wants?" Literally came out of my MIL's mouth. While I am absolutely financially supporting her daughter. It was a commmt I made that buying a house with a pool is probably going to be out of our price range unless she wants to go back to work to save up her money for a pool.
I'll pay for the pool if I get everything I WANT also. But nobody's going to go to work to give me everything I want. Hell id settle for someone giving me most of what I want. Or even paying for my McDonald's once a month. A man can dream!
LordofAmazon:
This! My brothers and I didn't have much growing up. We were determined to pull ourselves out of poverty, and we did it with education and hard work. I used to want to become a millionaire, but I eventually realized that it wasn't worth the effort and that I just wanted to be comfortable. My brothers, on the other hand, got never let go of that dream of wanting to become super wealthy. Despite already accumulating a lot of assets, they still overwork themselves because they want more. This mindset that men are only worth as much as what they can bring home is incredibly toxic, because it will never be enough.
Lyone Fein 10 months ago
It is so demoralizing for anyone to feel that their value as a person is tied to their material assets.
#18
Liking “girly” cocktails. Let me have a margarita like god damn.
Generally, anything deemed “girly”.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 10 months ago
They literally have a higher alcohol content than beer, how is that stereotypically feminine?
#19
Being broke. We are caught up in a world where man has to be a provider and when you’re broke, you will be look down upon.
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
True - and regrettable. Being rich is one thing, being good people is a different matter. Read the papers to see this in action.
#20
Speaking up against harassment.
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
For the triumph of evil, it is only necessary for good people to do nothing.
#21
Don't judge us for the music we like. Like, if I'm singing along to BTS in my car, join in the singing or mind your own business.
#22
Wearing what you want…why shouldn’t I wear short shorts just because you can’t?
Oh and just because we’re nice, polite and respectful around women doesn’t mean we want to shag them.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
Wear whatever you want just please make sure all your bits and pieces are covered please…I’ll do the same! :)
#23
Shaving armpits. The odor control is fantastic!
AMonitorDarkly:
This.
I noticed that a friend did this and I thought it was weird at first. He said “don’t knock it until you try it.” And hot damn, he was right. I’ve been doing it for 20 years. Every woman I’ve been with has appreciated it as well.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
Antiperspirant/deodorant has to make contact with your skin to work, so if you’ve got a thick forest of armpit hair that could be the source of the odor. My grandfather was allergic to many of the ingredients in deodorant. His doctor suggested he take zinc and it actually worked for him. That kinda became my grandfather’s theme take zinc don’t stink lol :D
#24
Defending themselves. Far too often men get attacked by a woman who may even have a weapon. The man is still called the aggressor.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
My mother was (and still is) a violent, abusive person. She used to hit my dad, punch him, and sometimes attack him with kitchen knives (she would slice at his arms or back, cutting him shallowly dozens of times.) He wouldn't even defend himself against her because he was so much bigger and he didn't want to hurt her or be labeled a "wife beater" even if he was just trying to get HER to stop hitting HIM. It makes me want to scream when I see people say "women can't be domestic abusers" - yes, they can. I grew up in a situation where it happened. I saw it happen almost every day. Men CAN be victims of domestic abuse.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
I’m so sorry you had to live thru that Lakota :( … I come from a large family with generational alcoholism and while my parents were amazing I saw a lot of this kind of abuse in close relatives homes. My great aunt was very abusive to my great uncle as well when she drank. He was always making excuses for his bruises and cuts but we all knew the truth. He loved her and he wouldn’t leave her and the kids. She eventually got help and was sober the last 15 years of her life before she was taken by cancer.
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Courtney Christelle 10 months ago
I’ve told my son that a woman isn’t allow to attack you. Restrain her if you can, slap her if you must. But I’ve also told him to be mindful of his strength.
Jake Bertz 2 months ago
It's weird how you want to limit your sons ability to defend himself. Would you give your daughter the same advice? Or tell her to go right for the nuts?
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Michelle C 10 months ago
Yup!! Abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated, no matter who commits it against someone else!
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
There are weapons everywhere, once you know how to look for them. Start with your voice ...
#25
Not having a girlfriend/wife. A man’s value shouldn’t be determined by his ability to pull ladies.
Aileen Grist 10 months ago
We have a 70 year old friend who has never been in a sexual relationship. He's just not interested and never has been. He gets called a pedophile because of it, he's not, just asexual. Loves everyone
#26
For liking fashion, makeup, skincare. Doesn't mean i am gay. Doesn't mean it is a bad thing if i were gay.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
He’d kill me if he knew I posted this on a public forum but my husband likes to do facial masks and skincare nearly as much as I do. I think it helps him relax and destress. Especially my pink jade roller. I think he’s addicted! :D
#27
Opening up about their emotions. Being a man can be so lonely. If you're struggling, don't be afraid.
ColdSteelRonin 10 months ago
Excerpt from "Listening to Shame" Brene Brown: For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations. Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak. I did not interview men for the first four years of my study. And it wasn't until a man looked at me one day after a book signing, said, "I love what you have to say about shame, I'm curious why you didn't mention men." And I said, "I don't study men." And he said, "That's convenient." (Laughter) And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable. But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters?" I said, "Yeah." "They'd rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down. When we reach out and be vulnerable we get the sh!t beat out of us. And don't tell me it's from the guys and the coaches and the dads, because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else."
#28
Approaching women to ask them out.
Like if we’re expected to make the first move how the f**k are we supposed to find someone if approaching in public is now frowned upon.
jade s 10 months ago
Im sure other people will disagree but approaching women is fine as long as it's not a vulnerable situation. In a bar with her friends nearby it's perfectly acceptable to approach, busy are like a supermarket is fine. Alone at night in a station platform or side road makes her vulnerable so don't approach. Gym is more subtle. If she's coming or going from the gym or has stopped to the side for a drink, then she is approachable. If she's in the middle of an exercise or in anyway unable to move away (like using equipment) then it's vulnerable so don't approach. Also no pushing, if you approach and they say no, that's the end of it. Dont try to coerce or get annoyed.
#29
Being affectionate with people other than partners and maybe family members. I'll never understand why physical touch is romanticized.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
Fathers of the world hug your daughters! My dad gave the best hugs and I miss them so much! (He passed away in 2018)
#31
Taking you 27 year old pregnant daughter to the store in public while being almost 50.
I get lots of dirty looks from judgmental Karens looking at me like Im some kind of sick perv that likes younger girls.
#32
Taking kids to the park/walmart/etc. Too many horror stories of some karen taking issue with this as if it's wrong for men to be fathers.
Also, just being a dad in general. There was that phase in the media where the father was played off as some idiot that couldn't even without the help of the wife. Our culture seemed to buy this idea wholesale, and we're still reeling from the effects.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
Ignore the Karen’s be a father! Your children only get one. Do it right and forget about what anyone else but your kids think about you and your ability as a father. When they grow up they won’t remember that Karen they remember you and how you made them feel.
#33
Having an erection. They happen randomly throughout a mans entire life. They can happen to a 50 year old as frequently as it can a hormonal teenager.
An erection does not always mean a man is sexually aroused.
An erection does not automatically mean a man wants sex.
As with everything:
Context Matters.
#34
Mani pedis. They can take it out of my cold, massaged, trimmed, clean, dead a*s hands.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
Men deserve to pamper themselves too! Women don’t own the rights! ;)
#35
Taking the day off.
You aren’t a robot. Sometimes, everyone needs a break.
#36
Working or otherwise participating in female-dominated industries/careers/activities, such as serving, nursing, house cleaning, cooking, child-raising, getting manicures and wearing nail polish or any other cosmetic/beauty pursuits, displaying emotion/vulnerability (if done in a nonagressive way, for example crying or confiding in someone about something awkward or painful), not wanting a wife and/or kids completely irrespective to sexual and relationship orientation (i.e. gay/bi/pan or polyamorous vs. monogamous), not wanting or being able to excel at physical tasks or earning great amounts of money in a high-powered job, not being competitive or possessive, not punching down or trying to dominate others physically/verbally/mentally.
Tl;dr— for being themselves if and when it hurts no one, and for not subscribing to notions of toxic masculinity.
#37
1. Opening up about trauma. A lot of women think we don't open up because we're just told not to, that is only the case for some of us. For most of us, it's experience with what happens when we do.
2. Sitting down, using an umbrella, chewing gum - all stuff I've been called gay (not the word they used) for.
#39
Drinking out of a straw. I've been told it looks feminine.
I don't like getting my drink in my beard, and I don't want beard oil on my glass.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
Whaaatt now straws are “feminine”??? This is starting to give me a headache :(
#40
Explaining things. It's not always "mansplaining.".
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
This is one of those things where context is important…if you’re a man explaining to me how something I know nothing about like a sports statistic I agree that’s explaining. If you’re going to try and lecture me on my menstrual cycle or why you believe the symptoms of menopause are not physical but just psychosomatic then you are in fact “mansplaining”.
#41
Looking at women. Staring yes is creepy, but having a look is just normal.
Michael Largey 10 months ago
When someone stares at me, it's for the same reason people look intently at train wrecks, house fires, and penguin insurrections.
#42
Seekeng/asking for professional help from a therapist. Men especially tend to keep that for themselves since they only seek that help to begin with when the issue is relatively serious. Other people just assume you're in deep s**t when they hear about it, and ultimately end up judging you.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
We need to normalize mental health care as perfectly acceptable and actually something worth celebrating by recognizing the need in one’s self and asking for help. That’s hard for all of us to do.
#44
Having standards in a relationship. If you don’t like a boundary a man has established break up with him don’t accuse him of being insecure toxic or ab*sive.
#45
Wearing female clothes and being feminine in general.
#46
Eating bananas. Just tryna get the potassium bro.
cerinamroth 10 months ago
Eh?!! TIL that somewhere on this planet eating some particular kind of food makes you not manly!
#47
Not getting married. Divorce rate is now like 50% of marriages and women initiate 80% of divorces. 90% of child support goes to the mother, and 97% of alimony goes to the woman. Marriage is just a bad deal for men, there is nothing to gain from it, but everything to lose from it.
#48
Living a bit messy, the world won't end of my trousers live on the floor for a couple of days.
ColdSteelRonin 10 months ago
Hampers are cheap and so are chairs. If it's to be cleaned it goes in the hamper , if it's to worn again neatly drape it over the chair. I will judge you on that, it's just slovenly
#49
Owning s*x toys, bizarre double standard.
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
There's still an underlying meme that anything to do with sex is dirty. Anything at all. Probably comes from the difficulty of setting up clear but effective barriers around this , er, touchy subject.
#50
Adjusting their B*lls. They can itch like every other Part of the body.
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
But, maybe a bit more subtly? "Look out of that window, is that Elon Musk going past?" / scratch ...
#51
Flexing their muscles in the mirror after a good gym session.
We like to see our progress and flex on our old self.
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
If one is checking on progress, that's fine. If one is showing off to others, not so good.
#52
Man-spreading. Look, why don't you try stuffing two very fragile, very tender ripe plums in your underwear and have to have them get squished between you legs all day and see if you don't try to give them a little extra room any chance you get.
#53
Having standards for women's weight.
Fire Singer 10 months ago
You can absolutely have a preference for what you like in a woman. Not all men like big/fat women. And that's fine. But you definitely should not treat a woman any less just because she is fat. If you don't want to date her that's fine. Don't make her feel bad about herself though.
#54
Walking down a street if a woman happens to be going the same way. There is no reason I should ever have to stop and play with my phone or find an alternative route or cross the street. I've got places to go and this is the way to get there. And if you find it scary that I'm walking fast then YOU f**k off and go a different way.
So many comments I've seen about women feeling scared and clutching their keys/pepper spray/knife fearing they're gonna be attacked because a guy had the utter termity, the sheer gall, the unashamed audacity to walk down the same street. Stop feeding into this paranoia.
KrazyChiMama 10 months ago
I’m sorry guys but until you’ve been a woman and felt the terror of being followed by someone while you’re alone, you simply cannot understand the “paranoia”. Every single one of us knows at least one female friend who’s been sexually assaulted. Until these numbers change I can’t help my paranoia!
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What do you think ?
Doctor Strange 10 months ago
Not being over six feet tall. I have friends who are absolutely fantastic guys, yet get shot down and sometimes outright ridiculed because they aren't tall enough.
Deborah 10 months ago
I'm 4'10", I prefer men a bit closer to my own height.
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Peter Bear 10 months ago
Doing any job at all that requires any interaction with children. You are automatically judged to be a pedophile and held to an infinitely higher standard of perfection with much stricter rules. Teachers, pediatricians, male caregivers of any sort. All males are treated as pedophiles and must constantly be monitored as such. It's profoundly insulting.
Sailing Leprechaun 10 months ago
I did think it was funny how several of these were men saying "I feel like this is a problem for men," followed by women denying it being a thing
PenguinEmp 10 months ago
I was dumped because I wouldn't put out when I was 18. She literally pushed me out the door.
Doctor Strange 10 months ago
Not being over six feet tall. I have friends who are absolutely fantastic guys, yet get shot down and sometimes outright ridiculed because they aren't tall enough.
Deborah 10 months ago
I'm 4'10", I prefer men a bit closer to my own height.
Load More Replies... Peter Bear 10 months ago
Doing any job at all that requires any interaction with children. You are automatically judged to be a pedophile and held to an infinitely higher standard of perfection with much stricter rules. Teachers, pediatricians, male caregivers of any sort. All males are treated as pedophiles and must constantly be monitored as such. It's profoundly insulting.
Sailing Leprechaun 10 months ago
I did think it was funny how several of these were men saying "I feel like this is a problem for men," followed by women denying it being a thing
PenguinEmp 10 months ago
I was dumped because I wouldn't put out when I was 18. She literally pushed me out the door.
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