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“Even The 16-Year-Old Has A 9 PM Bedtime”: Woman Keeps Criticizing Brother’s Parenting Style While Living In His House, Almost Gets Kicked Out
“Even The 16-Year-Old Has A 9 PM Bedtime”: Woman Keeps Criticizing Brother’s Parenting Style While Living In His House, Almost Gets Kicked Out
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“Even The 16-Year-Old Has A 9 PM Bedtime”: Woman Keeps Criticizing Brother’s Parenting Style While Living In His House, Almost Gets Kicked Out

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It’s said that family is there to support, love, and help us when times are tough. But we also know that this is not always the case or that it all seems to be much more complicated in real life. A lot of things change when people grow up and start their own family. What is interesting to notice is that while some unintentionally bring the same patterns and understandings taken from the family they grew up in, others, who usually were not a fan of how things were handled in their household, maintain the opposite approach and create new rules instead of taking an example from their parents. Reddit user @u/rrraannnddooomm decided to ask others online if he was wrong for threatening to kick his sister out of his house after she questioned his parenting methods and wanted him to change them because her kids had started to rebel against her rules after seeing how “lax” his parenting is. The story that received almost 11k upvotes soon became an invitation to other users for them to share their insights on the situation.

More Info: Reddit 

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    Image credits: denisbin (not the actual image)

    The 44-year-old author of the post started his story by sharing that he lives with his 14-year-old daughter and raises her as a single dad since her mom died 10 years ago. The Original Poster (OP) also shared that he has a sister who recently moved into his house with her family because their house got flooded. Understanding the gravity of the situation, the man suggested that she, her husband and their three kids could live in his well-made basement with a separate entrance. Despite the premises where the dad and his daughter lived being separate from where the man’s sister lived, the families would still meet and hang out for some time. This is when the main problem started arising.

    Reddit user decided to share how he had to threaten to kick his sister out of the house after she criticized his parenting methods

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    Image credits: u/rrraannnddooomm

    OP shared that coming from a strict upbringing, he didn’t want the same harsh rules applied to his daughter because this is what made him limit contact with his family and go to therapy. While he is interested in his daughter’s life, he’s raising her in a way that would ensure a healthy relationship between them, make her a responsible and trustworthy person and does that by giving her the right amount of freedom. He shared that he doesn’t monitor her, doesn’t check her homework and allows her to go to bed when she feels like it. This way, the man hopes that his daughter learns to take care of herself, understand what works for her, and work hard for her future without being pushed to do so by someone else. And this approach has made their relationship work for the best.

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    The man shared that he invited his sister and her family to live with him and his daughter because their home was flooded

    Image credits: u/rrraannnddooomm

    The author of the post revealed that he isn’t too strict with his daughter and it helps to keep their relationship happy

    Image credits: Alden Cornelll (not the actual image)

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    However, the man’s sister didn’t think that the way her brother parents his daughter is suitable because she noticed how her own kids, seeing how their uncle and cousin lives, have started “rebelling”. The author of the post revealed that while he tries to give some space and freedom to his 14-year-old, his sister is overly strict with her kids, monitoring them, constantly checking their schoolwork and not even allowing them to have their doors shut. Seeing how freely her niece lives, the woman said that her brother should do something about this. But the man didn’t budge and instead told her that if she doesn’t like being there, she can move out. Knowing that his response could’ve been too harsh, the man then asked others online what they thought about this situation.

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    When it comes to parenting, the man’s sister is an opposite to him because of her constant monitoring of her kids

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    Image credits: u/rrraannnddooomm

    A lot of Reddit users agreed with the dad, even praising his parenting methods and that he is raising a mindful and responsible kid. Some of them expressed their concern for his sister’s kids who, from the given examples of how she treats them, could lack understanding in the future about the things that OP’s daughter has already learned about. What is your take on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below! 

    Because of their opposite views, the sister started criticizing her brother’s parenting, saying that because of him, her kids started rebelling

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    Image credits: u/rrraannnddooomm

    According to CNBC, there are 4 types of parenting: permissive, authoritative, neglectful, and authoritarian. Permissive parents are considered those who, in order to avoid conflict, allow their kids more than they should. These people are seen more as a friend figure rather than a parental one. Authoritative parents nurture and support their kids, but at the same time, they provide clear rules and expect their kids to follow them, at the same time guiding and explaining matters to them. Neglectful parents are seen as not involved in their kid’s life as much as, for example, authoritative parents, and are unable to set certain rules because of their lack of interest in their son or daughter. Authoritarian parents are very much focused on disciplining their kids without expecting the kids to provide them with feedback or wishes, feeling as if they know better what their offspring needs. While some people might believe in strict parenting and its inevitable results, being able to listen to your kid and show your support and love while teaching them about life and how to navigate through it helps to maintain a solid relationship with your kid and raise a well-aware and prepared person. 

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    The Original Poster didn’t appreciate his sister talking to him like this, so he asked her to either stop or find another place to live

    Image credits: Henderson HIlls  (not the actual image)

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    The man took some time to explain how this whole situation happened in the first place

    Image credits: u/rrraannnddooomm

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    Not knowing if he’s right, the man asked the opinions of others online who were quick to say that he wasn’t in the wrong

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    A lot of people online took time to praise the man for how he raises his daughter

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    Image credits: u/rrraannnddooomm

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    Konstancija Gasaitytė

    Konstancija Gasaitytė

    Writer, Community member

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    Konstancija is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. She has a bachelor’s degree in Translation and Interpreting and a master’s degree in Future Media and Journalism. She is very interested in sustainable fashion and is a perfect companion to go to second-hand shops and antiques for nearly anything: clothes, books or furniture. Her interests also include photography, literature and hiking.

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    Konstancija Gasaitytė

    Konstancija Gasaitytė

    Writer, Community member

    Konstancija is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. She has a bachelor’s degree in Translation and Interpreting and a master’s degree in Future Media and Journalism. She is very interested in sustainable fashion and is a perfect companion to go to second-hand shops and antiques for nearly anything: clothes, books or furniture. Her interests also include photography, literature and hiking.

    What do you think ?
    Lisa H
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aside from the unfortunate tragedy that happened with the sister's house (I seriously cannot imagine what that must be like and I truly hope her family is able to bounce back), the sister chose to stress herself out with being a helicopter parent and basically taking after her strict parents. If only she would take a step back and observe her kids to see how they behave without her constant nosing in on them, then she might see that they are likely good kids that can be trusted with a more relaxed routine. Basically, she needs to try to think outside of her own box and see that she may not need to be so strict with her kids.

    mulk
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "the sister chose to stress herself out with being a helicopter parent": yes, totally what I think

    Load More Replies...
    Hey!
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love this post. The OP is treating his daughter like our parents treated us mostly (they were strict on some stuff like our chores but really not on others like curfews and homework). We all turned out right. His daughter even has a business! I love that everyone said NTA to OP. Like most said, his sister needs to think and reason out why she's micromanaging her children.

    Bina Wei
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tbh my only curfew growing up was back before it got Dark. In winter that was 5:30-6pm. In Summer that was 7:30-8:30pm. Always one that made sense to me. And i didn't go out much anyway. If you treat your kids like they have brains of their own, and focus on their safety, it surprises little that they grow up well adjusted and understanding. Except the helicopter or abusive parents. Those people it surprises greatly. Edit: Typos.

    Load More Replies...
    SheamusFanFrom1987
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've always kept the "Not my kid, not my place to open my mouth" mindset. If the kids are turning out okay, who am I to judge or say anything? Sis here needs to learn that if you stick your nose where it doesn't belong, someone will put you in your place, low blow or not. Good on the OP for (hopefully) not putting up with her c**p.

    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Feel bad for the sisters kids, they are definitely not turning out okay

    Load More Replies...
    Tams21
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Strict rules do not mean teenagers will stop doing mad things, they'll just do them behind their parents back and if they screw up, they'll be too afraid to ask for help but as OP said, that's his sisters business. What isn't her business (the furthest thing from it, even) is how he raises his own daughter in his own house(!). NTA and kicking her out would be totally justified if her behaviour continues.

    S Mi
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This parent has expectations, and since they are mainly being met, doesn't need rules. This is responsive parenting.

    Christina Moore
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents were this way and it worked out. We’re there times I needed more guidance than others yes, and I was given that guidance.

    Load More Replies...
    S
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was already on the NTA side but when I saw him say that they're living there RENT FREE?! Oh hell no, you don't get a say in diddly if you aren't even paying to stay there. Also, I think his parenting style is beautiful and his daughter will have a lot less to unpack when she's older because of it. Sounds like they have a wonderful relationship, I hope my daughter and I can have something similar one day (due in Feb lol) <3

    Vira
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even if she were paying rent, I don't think she gets a choice in his parenting style. Imagine getting to control your landlords kids just because you pay to stay in their rental! 🤣 I really think the only time a person should speak up is if there's abuse.

    Load More Replies...
    Max
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The sister's kids are going to go absolutely out of control the second they're out from under sister's thumb.

    Cory Tollman
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's a lot of dumpster fire potential there.

    Load More Replies...
    Alexa Saltz
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope her kids give her absolute hell. My parents tried to rule me with an iron fist. No matter how much I accomplished, it was never enough. They tortured me, and I gave it back in spades. We are good now.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Op set a boundary with his sister. She didn’t like it, people often get upset when you set a boundary and push back. Oftentimes, it works and the boundary gets removed. Op needs to not argue with his sister and hold the line. And if she’s calling him an a*****e, he needs to set another boundary of she can’t insult him while she is accepting his charity.

    Seedy Vine
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP you are doing right by your wonderful daughter! I think your sister needs therapy to get over her strict upbringing. I consider her parenting style abusive. Her poor kids! My mother was like this and we no longer have a relationship. Because of her, it took me decades to learn what your daughter already knows!

    Load More Comments
    Lisa H
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aside from the unfortunate tragedy that happened with the sister's house (I seriously cannot imagine what that must be like and I truly hope her family is able to bounce back), the sister chose to stress herself out with being a helicopter parent and basically taking after her strict parents. If only she would take a step back and observe her kids to see how they behave without her constant nosing in on them, then she might see that they are likely good kids that can be trusted with a more relaxed routine. Basically, she needs to try to think outside of her own box and see that she may not need to be so strict with her kids.

    mulk
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "the sister chose to stress herself out with being a helicopter parent": yes, totally what I think

    Load More Replies...
    Hey!
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love this post. The OP is treating his daughter like our parents treated us mostly (they were strict on some stuff like our chores but really not on others like curfews and homework). We all turned out right. His daughter even has a business! I love that everyone said NTA to OP. Like most said, his sister needs to think and reason out why she's micromanaging her children.

    Bina Wei
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tbh my only curfew growing up was back before it got Dark. In winter that was 5:30-6pm. In Summer that was 7:30-8:30pm. Always one that made sense to me. And i didn't go out much anyway. If you treat your kids like they have brains of their own, and focus on their safety, it surprises little that they grow up well adjusted and understanding. Except the helicopter or abusive parents. Those people it surprises greatly. Edit: Typos.

    Load More Replies...
    SheamusFanFrom1987
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've always kept the "Not my kid, not my place to open my mouth" mindset. If the kids are turning out okay, who am I to judge or say anything? Sis here needs to learn that if you stick your nose where it doesn't belong, someone will put you in your place, low blow or not. Good on the OP for (hopefully) not putting up with her c**p.

    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Feel bad for the sisters kids, they are definitely not turning out okay

    Load More Replies...
    Tams21
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Strict rules do not mean teenagers will stop doing mad things, they'll just do them behind their parents back and if they screw up, they'll be too afraid to ask for help but as OP said, that's his sisters business. What isn't her business (the furthest thing from it, even) is how he raises his own daughter in his own house(!). NTA and kicking her out would be totally justified if her behaviour continues.

    S Mi
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This parent has expectations, and since they are mainly being met, doesn't need rules. This is responsive parenting.

    Christina Moore
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents were this way and it worked out. We’re there times I needed more guidance than others yes, and I was given that guidance.

    Load More Replies...
    S
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was already on the NTA side but when I saw him say that they're living there RENT FREE?! Oh hell no, you don't get a say in diddly if you aren't even paying to stay there. Also, I think his parenting style is beautiful and his daughter will have a lot less to unpack when she's older because of it. Sounds like they have a wonderful relationship, I hope my daughter and I can have something similar one day (due in Feb lol) <3

    Vira
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even if she were paying rent, I don't think she gets a choice in his parenting style. Imagine getting to control your landlords kids just because you pay to stay in their rental! 🤣 I really think the only time a person should speak up is if there's abuse.

    Load More Replies...
    Max
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The sister's kids are going to go absolutely out of control the second they're out from under sister's thumb.

    Cory Tollman
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's a lot of dumpster fire potential there.

    Load More Replies...
    Alexa Saltz
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope her kids give her absolute hell. My parents tried to rule me with an iron fist. No matter how much I accomplished, it was never enough. They tortured me, and I gave it back in spades. We are good now.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Op set a boundary with his sister. She didn’t like it, people often get upset when you set a boundary and push back. Oftentimes, it works and the boundary gets removed. Op needs to not argue with his sister and hold the line. And if she’s calling him an a*****e, he needs to set another boundary of she can’t insult him while she is accepting his charity.

    Seedy Vine
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP you are doing right by your wonderful daughter! I think your sister needs therapy to get over her strict upbringing. I consider her parenting style abusive. Her poor kids! My mother was like this and we no longer have a relationship. Because of her, it took me decades to learn what your daughter already knows!

    Load More Comments
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