Grandma Gets Kicked Out Of Lunch With 6YO After She Kept Saying It Was A Waste Of Money
Being frugal and aware of your spending habits isn’t a bad thing. It can help you save and prepare well for the future. The only times it isn’t good is when you make it other people’s problem. Sometimes penny pinchers go to extreme lengths to force their miserliness on other folks.
A woman was on the receiving end of her mother-in-law’s frugality during a Mother’s Day celebration. She reached out to people online to figure out if she went too far when setting boundaries with her miserly MIL.
More info: Reddit
DIL pays for an extravagant Mother’s Day outing for her daughter, mother, and MIL only for husband’s mom to ruin the entire event by fussing about the money
Image credits: ELEVATE (not the actual photo)
The poster’s 6YO daughter found out about a cafe that made princess cakes and served high tea, so the woman booked a table and planned a lavish outing to celebrate Mother’s Day early
Image credits: Jenny Galloway (not the actual photo)
Despite the OP having paid for the entire event, her MIL kept complaining, calling it a “waste of money” and “pretentious,” even directing negative comments toward her granddaughter
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The woman confronted her MIL and asked her to keep her criticisms to herself and told her it was hard for her daughter to enjoy the day when someone was acting so negatively
Image credits: Adventurous_Ant1546
The poster asked her MIL to leave the event, which led to her complaining to the family that her DIL threw her out for being frugal, to which her husband insisted she should have kept the peace
The woman had set up a lavish and exciting celebration at a new cafe. She wanted her daughter to dress up and enjoy the princess cakes, while she, her mother, and MIL could celebrate Mother’s Day early. She was happy to witness her daughter’s joy and see her wearing her favorite dress for the outing. However, the poster soon realized that her MIL was not sharing in the festivities and was intent on bringing everyone’s mood down.
Her husband’s mom is known to be a frugal woman, which is why she felt the whole outing was a waste of money. Her granddaughter was excited about the cakes and told her that princesses ate them, but the annoyed grandma retorted that it was only fit for birds. She found the whole experience pretentious and kept on making comments that were negatively impacting the kid’s experience.
Even though the poster mentioned that her MIL is frugal, judging from her reaction to the event, it’s likely that she is a stingy person. According to experts, people who are stingy struggle with compromise and often prioritize their financial interests over others. This can cause tension in relationships and even lead to conflicts. People might develop miserly habits due to various reasons, such as growing up in resource-limited environments or even because of low self-esteem and anxiety.
An important distinction between frugal and stingy people is that frugality does not mean you have to give up on a good quality of life when saving for something. Frugal people still enjoy different life experiences while sticking to their preferred budgets. Stingy people might keep saving up at the expense of their quality of life.
Image credits: Thạnh Nguyễn (not the actual photo)
Whether a person decides to save money in a reasonable manner or be miserly is their decision alone. The difficulty arises when they begin forcing their views on other people in the family. Money conversations with family members can create a whole host of problems, especially if there are complex emotions tied to the need to save money.
In this case, the woman was able to hold her own and stand up to her MIL, but she was worried that the woman’s criticisms would affect her daughter. She told netizens, “I was a little shocked by her comment saying that my daughter wouldn’t understand the criticisms. She might only be six, and probably doesn’t have all the words used in her vocabulary, but she absolutely understood the intent.” That’s why she told her husband’s mother to leave as she wanted her daughter to truly enjoy herself.
To cultivate a healthy atmosphere around the discussion of money matters in a family, it’s important that all members listen with a nonjudgmental attitude. By comparing perspectives, they can eventually find common ground and resolve conflicts. Each viewpoint has heavy emotions tied to it, which is why it’s important to listen actively and with empathy, even if you disagree.
Budgeting is important, but it shouldn’t be the focal point, especially at someone else’s event. The interfering mother-in-law tried to teach her granddaughter about the value of money without realizing she was ruining the child’s experience. The viral post got 9.5k views and 1.8k comments, with people shocked at the in-law’s bad attitude even though she was getting a free meal. Have you ever dealt with such a stingy person? Tell us in the comments below.
Apart from supporting the poster’s decision to kick her MIL out of the event, netizens were shocked at the husband’s reaction and felt that he should have stood up for his wife
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Why is it that people always try to make the reasonable person in any argument keep the peace? They never, ever ask the unreasonable one to keep the peace.
Because they know that the unreasonable person would never do it. So it is easier to persuade the reasonable one. Most often the reasonable person has done it already for quite some time. But there comes a moment when the reasonable person will have enough and just will not take it anymore. Plus: often times the people trying to persuade the reasonable one havn‘t had the same experiences and don‘t know the extend of it all
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So, the 6 year old "is too young to understand the criticism" but "should understand the value of money". Please make that make sense! No, don't bother, because it never will.
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Taking a frugal MIL to a “pretentious, overpriced” high tea for Mother’s Day is like taking a vegan to a steakhouse for their birthday. Save those experiences for those who will appreciate & enjoy them. Otherwise it’s just a bad time all around.
Some people would choose to be amused by the ridiculous pretension of high tea, others would just enjoy a free meal and a child's joy. This woman decided she needed to rain on everyone's parade to make herself feel better. It's so petty and selfish.
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While our young children, may not understand the words, being used, they can, do and will pick up on social cues. I don't know the MIL or her life, (poverty, food and financial insecurities will follow you.) Gratitude and the love for a child, especially one who hasn't had their imagination obliterated by the problems in the world, should always be something protected and nurtured. MIL wasn't paying for a thing, little girl, wanted to share something that made her happy with her mother and grandmothers. Happy memories, like this could have been will stick with her, for a life time. But, so will how she was made to feel. Husband needs to be thankful that his wife is willing to protect his daughter from BS like this. From now on, let him plan his mother's celebrations, and see how long it last.
At 6 most kids know and understand. Most of us don't raise our kids in a bubble. She has been to school (presumably) she knows mean
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Because everyone knows the perfect time to teach a child about being frugal is on their birthday, at their birthday tea? MIL needs to learn that generally others do not want to be around negative people and this is especially true on celebratory occasions. She couldn't have played nice for a couple hours at her 6 yr old granddaughters birthday tea where she was eating for free? She absolutely needs to learn to shut her trap and enjoy the moment or at least let others enjoy the moment. Children have the rest of their lives to worry about money and become jaded.
Mother's day celebration with mom and grandma's but child was over the moon. What child wouldn't be
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The MIL had two options: shut up or leave. Now the OP knows not to invite Mrs. Scrooge anywhere (or maybe just MacDonald's or a place that has seniors' discounts). She will likely complain, but the OP can play dumb, "But I thought you would have a terrible time!" Nothing wrong with frugal people. This one goes beyond in being a mean-spirited miser who wants to impose her values on others.
If MIL was forking out then it'd be different - but she was being treated, ffs! She was totally in the wrong - it wasn't her money being 'wasted', and it was for mother's day, and for her granddaughter! And... you have a husband problem.
He's learn to deal with his mother over the years by capitulating. Probably because this started as a child when he was malleable. He needs to learn how to have a spine because obviously his mother made sure to not let him learn that lesson. Also what's with the compulsion of people having to compliment somebody's inner being when they're horrible person. This one example is proof enough that this woman's heart is definitely not made out of gold. No one that spews that much bitterness has a heart of gold.
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I wouldn't be inviting her to any events after that if I were that ma. If MIL has any sense she would be trying to make it up to the poor kiddo (she can easily do a DIY tea party at home for a reduced cost). Might be reconsidering the marriage as well.
Totally agree with not inviting a crappy guest, even if they're family. As for the marriage, it's not unusual to think of divorce when a spouse is not supportive. However, discussions or counselling would be the preferred first step (unless one's situation is unsafe and one must flee). This can help determine if the other person can evolve, whether compromise is possible, and if all fails, make separation and divorce easier on all parties.
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You know what a six year old actually needs to learn? How to be grateful and get along with others. MIL was being a bad role model.
the MIL wasn't even the one paying, so why is she so bothered?
Your husband and MIL clearly need lessons in both empathy and etiquette. She left of her own free will. Stomping on little kids happiness shouldn't be allowed by any person. It's hard to get that joy back tell husband to grow up and cut the apron strings from his tèsticles. Hope that comment took as much joy as MIL took from your daughter.
Both MIL and hubby are gaslighting OP . If someone else is footing the bill keep your opinions and BS comments to yourself, especially if you're supposed to be an adult. MIL chose to leave after being called out on her ridiculous behavior, in private as well, and is now blaming DIL. Way to go , b***h.
NTA, but your MIL sure is!!! She is the ADULT, and your daughter is a CHILD. MIL could've just chosen to delight in the joy on her grandchild's face instead. I'm sure the little girl felt responsible for suggesting the outing with her mommy. MIL also was being treated to the outing and should've looked at it as a GIFT! I was taught to never refuse a gift or make the giver feel it was unappreciated. Your MIL needs to grow up. Perhaps your daughter can show her HOW!!!
NTA: If she's not paying she has no say. She knows she's wrong which is why she's trying to preemptively triangulate other family members who weren't there to personally witness her $#itty behavior against the OP. -salt of the Earth poor person that would've loved a fancy and *FREE* afternoon with her granddaughter.
Sounds like saving money is more important than having this alleged 'heart of gold's. Can we normalize calling the spade a spade? No Grandma with a "heart of gold" would dare be negative in front of their grandbaby who is clearly excited about Princess pancakes and high tea. I'm 36 years old and my mom supports my high tea/ tea party shenanigans. (My sister too but she's Celiac and can't join me for high tea 🥲)
To bad you weren't capturing the moment on video. Your hubby and all could have heard her commentary. Ay 6 your daughter more than understands, I'm surprised she didn't well up and cry a bit and ask grandma herself why she had to rain on her special day.
NTA!!! I'm one of those grandmothers that 'panders' to my princesses with stuff like this! Your MIL, no matter how much of a heart of gold you think she has, you'd never convince me of it. I'm also one that believes in teaching kids financial responsibility, morals, manners, etc--but I would NEVER suck the joy out of a special occasion like your MIL did. And even if she didn't think your daughter would understand, I guarantee that she understood the tone in which it was delivered. You had every right to give her the choices you did (as the child's mother AND the one paying for it!)--she made the decision to leave instead of sticking a sock in it and letting everyone enjoy the time. I'm not even getting into your husband choosing to stick up for his mother rather than his daughter...I'm sure I'd run out of space here!
But MIL was not teaching this child good manners. Only bad ones.
Load More Replies... I hate to break it to that woman, but her mil does not have a heart of gold. Her heart is a sour apple more like. Otherwise she would have been able to keep her mouth shut to begin with without being told. Ps- The poll also has nothing to do with what the grandma was doing. You can totally teach a child about money and responsibility without being a jerk and a wet blanket. (Should have been a poll about keeping your mouth shut if you can't say something nice).
For my parent's 60th wedding anniversary, they chose to treat their 4 daughters, 1 daughter in law,& all their nieces, to afternoon tea at The Ritz. They weren't interested in going themselves but got a lot of enjoyment out of treating us. They even laid on a minibus to London. My eidest, notoriously tight, sister complained it was too expensive. Bear in mind that it was costing her absolutely nothing. There are some wonderful photos of us all having the time of our lives...apart from that sister, sitting there with a face like a wet weekend. After the tea finished we still had a little time so went into a cocktail bar & treated ourselves to a drink. I had a ridiculously expensive mocktail which was delicious. Those were the only things we bought ourselves. She sat there, silent, at the table & refused to order. She's not rich, none of us are, but we could all easily afford a drink.She then wanted to email a list of 'complaints' to try a get a refund.
MIL was acting entitled. She was taken out, she wasn't expected to pay for her tea. She was being ungrateful and I probably wouldn't have been as polite as OP was.
If the DIL could have imagined this would happen, she could have planned ahead and asked about menus without prices
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And I bet that this wasn't the FIRST time the MIL complained about something like this. I would definitely have NOT invited her to ANYTHING due to her frugality. My mother was exactly the same-- always negative, always complaining, always finding it necessary to comment on how expensive something was, and to top it off, her favorite line was... "If you can afford THAT, you could have given ME that money!" WHAT?? I cut her out of my life years before she died, and never regretted it once! Grandma doesn't DESERVE to be in the little Princess's orbit, and hubby needs to decide whose side he is on!
NTA. Your MIL is a killjoy! It was a special day for her granddaughter and she couldn't STFU! She was only thinking about her selfish self and not her granddaughter. MIL leaving was the best thing for your daughter. And although his mother is important, Daddy needs to be reminded of who are the MOST IMPORTANT people....his wife and daughter, and he needs to make sure his mommy dearest understands that.
NTA, but the over-reactions of the commenters are so much larger than anyone else's over-reactions. I think everyone is getting social-media versions about how perfect everyone always is. I'd've just said, "well, if it is overpriced, let's just get every ounce of pleasure out of it we can!" Here's a tip: watch Everybody Loves Raymond. It's hysterical. The in-laws are both a piece of work. And poor Debra has to put up with them easily ten times any normal amount. Now, unless they are some order of magnitude worse than those in-laws, OP needs to do what she can to keep sane, but understand that these struggles are just part of life. They can screw up, you can screw up and once in a while handle their screw-ups poorly, but dealing with them makes you a better person. OTOH, SHE left; you didn't force her away. That's on her.
Just in case you didn't realise, Everybody Loves Raymond is a fictional show not a documentary and if you're basing your life choices on a sitcom, written by a team of people to wrap up any conflict neatly in 24 minutes, then you need to think about things a little more.
Load More Replies...
Why is it that people always try to make the reasonable person in any argument keep the peace? They never, ever ask the unreasonable one to keep the peace.
Because they know that the unreasonable person would never do it. So it is easier to persuade the reasonable one. Most often the reasonable person has done it already for quite some time. But there comes a moment when the reasonable person will have enough and just will not take it anymore. Plus: often times the people trying to persuade the reasonable one havn‘t had the same experiences and don‘t know the extend of it all
Load More Replies... So, the 6 year old "is too young to understand the criticism" but "should understand the value of money". Please make that make sense! No, don't bother, because it never will.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Load More Replies... This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Load More Replies... Taking a frugal MIL to a “pretentious, overpriced” high tea for Mother’s Day is like taking a vegan to a steakhouse for their birthday. Save those experiences for those who will appreciate & enjoy them. Otherwise it’s just a bad time all around.
Some people would choose to be amused by the ridiculous pretension of high tea, others would just enjoy a free meal and a child's joy. This woman decided she needed to rain on everyone's parade to make herself feel better. It's so petty and selfish.
Load More Replies... While our young children, may not understand the words, being used, they can, do and will pick up on social cues. I don't know the MIL or her life, (poverty, food and financial insecurities will follow you.) Gratitude and the love for a child, especially one who hasn't had their imagination obliterated by the problems in the world, should always be something protected and nurtured. MIL wasn't paying for a thing, little girl, wanted to share something that made her happy with her mother and grandmothers. Happy memories, like this could have been will stick with her, for a life time. But, so will how she was made to feel. Husband needs to be thankful that his wife is willing to protect his daughter from BS like this. From now on, let him plan his mother's celebrations, and see how long it last.
At 6 most kids know and understand. Most of us don't raise our kids in a bubble. She has been to school (presumably) she knows mean
Load More Replies... Because everyone knows the perfect time to teach a child about being frugal is on their birthday, at their birthday tea? MIL needs to learn that generally others do not want to be around negative people and this is especially true on celebratory occasions. She couldn't have played nice for a couple hours at her 6 yr old granddaughters birthday tea where she was eating for free? She absolutely needs to learn to shut her trap and enjoy the moment or at least let others enjoy the moment. Children have the rest of their lives to worry about money and become jaded.
Mother's day celebration with mom and grandma's but child was over the moon. What child wouldn't be
Load More Replies... The MIL had two options: shut up or leave. Now the OP knows not to invite Mrs. Scrooge anywhere (or maybe just MacDonald's or a place that has seniors' discounts). She will likely complain, but the OP can play dumb, "But I thought you would have a terrible time!" Nothing wrong with frugal people. This one goes beyond in being a mean-spirited miser who wants to impose her values on others.
If MIL was forking out then it'd be different - but she was being treated, ffs! She was totally in the wrong - it wasn't her money being 'wasted', and it was for mother's day, and for her granddaughter! And... you have a husband problem.
He's learn to deal with his mother over the years by capitulating. Probably because this started as a child when he was malleable. He needs to learn how to have a spine because obviously his mother made sure to not let him learn that lesson. Also what's with the compulsion of people having to compliment somebody's inner being when they're horrible person. This one example is proof enough that this woman's heart is definitely not made out of gold. No one that spews that much bitterness has a heart of gold.
Load More Replies... I wouldn't be inviting her to any events after that if I were that ma. If MIL has any sense she would be trying to make it up to the poor kiddo (she can easily do a DIY tea party at home for a reduced cost). Might be reconsidering the marriage as well.
Totally agree with not inviting a crappy guest, even if they're family. As for the marriage, it's not unusual to think of divorce when a spouse is not supportive. However, discussions or counselling would be the preferred first step (unless one's situation is unsafe and one must flee). This can help determine if the other person can evolve, whether compromise is possible, and if all fails, make separation and divorce easier on all parties.
Load More Replies... You know what a six year old actually needs to learn? How to be grateful and get along with others. MIL was being a bad role model.
the MIL wasn't even the one paying, so why is she so bothered?
Your husband and MIL clearly need lessons in both empathy and etiquette. She left of her own free will. Stomping on little kids happiness shouldn't be allowed by any person. It's hard to get that joy back tell husband to grow up and cut the apron strings from his tèsticles. Hope that comment took as much joy as MIL took from your daughter.
Both MIL and hubby are gaslighting OP . If someone else is footing the bill keep your opinions and BS comments to yourself, especially if you're supposed to be an adult. MIL chose to leave after being called out on her ridiculous behavior, in private as well, and is now blaming DIL. Way to go , b***h.
NTA, but your MIL sure is!!! She is the ADULT, and your daughter is a CHILD. MIL could've just chosen to delight in the joy on her grandchild's face instead. I'm sure the little girl felt responsible for suggesting the outing with her mommy. MIL also was being treated to the outing and should've looked at it as a GIFT! I was taught to never refuse a gift or make the giver feel it was unappreciated. Your MIL needs to grow up. Perhaps your daughter can show her HOW!!!
NTA: If she's not paying she has no say. She knows she's wrong which is why she's trying to preemptively triangulate other family members who weren't there to personally witness her $#itty behavior against the OP. -salt of the Earth poor person that would've loved a fancy and *FREE* afternoon with her granddaughter.
Sounds like saving money is more important than having this alleged 'heart of gold's. Can we normalize calling the spade a spade? No Grandma with a "heart of gold" would dare be negative in front of their grandbaby who is clearly excited about Princess pancakes and high tea. I'm 36 years old and my mom supports my high tea/ tea party shenanigans. (My sister too but she's Celiac and can't join me for high tea 🥲)
To bad you weren't capturing the moment on video. Your hubby and all could have heard her commentary. Ay 6 your daughter more than understands, I'm surprised she didn't well up and cry a bit and ask grandma herself why she had to rain on her special day.
NTA!!! I'm one of those grandmothers that 'panders' to my princesses with stuff like this! Your MIL, no matter how much of a heart of gold you think she has, you'd never convince me of it. I'm also one that believes in teaching kids financial responsibility, morals, manners, etc--but I would NEVER suck the joy out of a special occasion like your MIL did. And even if she didn't think your daughter would understand, I guarantee that she understood the tone in which it was delivered. You had every right to give her the choices you did (as the child's mother AND the one paying for it!)--she made the decision to leave instead of sticking a sock in it and letting everyone enjoy the time. I'm not even getting into your husband choosing to stick up for his mother rather than his daughter...I'm sure I'd run out of space here!
But MIL was not teaching this child good manners. Only bad ones.
Load More Replies... I hate to break it to that woman, but her mil does not have a heart of gold. Her heart is a sour apple more like. Otherwise she would have been able to keep her mouth shut to begin with without being told. Ps- The poll also has nothing to do with what the grandma was doing. You can totally teach a child about money and responsibility without being a jerk and a wet blanket. (Should have been a poll about keeping your mouth shut if you can't say something nice).
For my parent's 60th wedding anniversary, they chose to treat their 4 daughters, 1 daughter in law,& all their nieces, to afternoon tea at The Ritz. They weren't interested in going themselves but got a lot of enjoyment out of treating us. They even laid on a minibus to London. My eidest, notoriously tight, sister complained it was too expensive. Bear in mind that it was costing her absolutely nothing. There are some wonderful photos of us all having the time of our lives...apart from that sister, sitting there with a face like a wet weekend. After the tea finished we still had a little time so went into a cocktail bar & treated ourselves to a drink. I had a ridiculously expensive mocktail which was delicious. Those were the only things we bought ourselves. She sat there, silent, at the table & refused to order. She's not rich, none of us are, but we could all easily afford a drink.She then wanted to email a list of 'complaints' to try a get a refund.
MIL was acting entitled. She was taken out, she wasn't expected to pay for her tea. She was being ungrateful and I probably wouldn't have been as polite as OP was.
If the DIL could have imagined this would happen, she could have planned ahead and asked about menus without prices
Load More Replies... And I bet that this wasn't the FIRST time the MIL complained about something like this. I would definitely have NOT invited her to ANYTHING due to her frugality. My mother was exactly the same-- always negative, always complaining, always finding it necessary to comment on how expensive something was, and to top it off, her favorite line was... "If you can afford THAT, you could have given ME that money!" WHAT?? I cut her out of my life years before she died, and never regretted it once! Grandma doesn't DESERVE to be in the little Princess's orbit, and hubby needs to decide whose side he is on!
NTA. Your MIL is a killjoy! It was a special day for her granddaughter and she couldn't STFU! She was only thinking about her selfish self and not her granddaughter. MIL leaving was the best thing for your daughter. And although his mother is important, Daddy needs to be reminded of who are the MOST IMPORTANT people....his wife and daughter, and he needs to make sure his mommy dearest understands that.
NTA, but the over-reactions of the commenters are so much larger than anyone else's over-reactions. I think everyone is getting social-media versions about how perfect everyone always is. I'd've just said, "well, if it is overpriced, let's just get every ounce of pleasure out of it we can!" Here's a tip: watch Everybody Loves Raymond. It's hysterical. The in-laws are both a piece of work. And poor Debra has to put up with them easily ten times any normal amount. Now, unless they are some order of magnitude worse than those in-laws, OP needs to do what she can to keep sane, but understand that these struggles are just part of life. They can screw up, you can screw up and once in a while handle their screw-ups poorly, but dealing with them makes you a better person. OTOH, SHE left; you didn't force her away. That's on her.
Just in case you didn't realise, Everybody Loves Raymond is a fictional show not a documentary and if you're basing your life choices on a sitcom, written by a team of people to wrap up any conflict neatly in 24 minutes, then you need to think about things a little more.
Load More Replies...
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