Woman Suggests To Split The Bill On Double Date, Gets Blamed For Causing A Breakup
Interview With Author
Probably most of you will agree that discussing who should actually pay on a date is quite common. Everyone has different beliefs – they may have been influenced by the way that they were raised, how they want to be treated or any other factors. And, well – everyone’s opinion is right, as long as nobody is being ripped off.
However, not having the same expectation can bring quite a conflict or even break a friendship, as it happened to one Reddit user. This woman agreed to split the bill on a double date, which ended in her best friend being dumped.
More info: Reddit
Ending a friendship is painful, but sometimes it may be for the better
Image credits: Taha Samet Arslan (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that her best friend has been seeing a guy for a couple of months and one night she invited her to come together on a blind date
Image credits: Denys Gromov (not the actual photo)
She agreed, they went to the restaurant and everything was going well, at least until the end of dinner came and it was time to pay the bill
Image credits: Alpha (not the actual photo)
Her friend assured her that their men were going to pay, to which she replied that she didn’t mind splitting the bill
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
In the end, the men paid, but after coming back home, the woman received a message from her friend saying that she had ruined her relationship by offering to split the bill
Image credits: OkDream6816
The woman posted a few updates saying that the friendship is most definitely over
A few days ago, one Reddit user shared her story online asking for community members’ opinions on whether she was indeed being a jerk. During a double date, she made comments about being happy to split the bill that upset her best friend and even led to her being dumped by her boyfriend. The post got a lot of attention, collecting almost 9K upvotes.
The original poster (OP) started her story by sharing that her best friend, who is also her roommate, had been seeing a guy for a few months and it seemed to be going great. One night she invited OP to join her and her boyfriend on a blind date. The woman agreed and noted that it was going great until it was time to pay the bill.
The friend assured her that the men would cover it, to which the woman said that she didn’t mind splitting it. Well, after a little bit of discussion, her friend kept insisting that gentlemen always pay, they did and everyone left. The friend went to her boyfriend’s place, the OP went back home and received a text where she was scolded for offering to split the bill.
The friend said that OP ruined her relationship as now her boyfriend is contemplating the relationship because he doesn’t want to be with somebody who insists the men pay. Later on, OP shared a few updates saying the friendship is over.
The community members ruled that the woman was not being a jerk in this situation. “The man always pays thing is from an era where women weren’t traditionally working and weren’t making money,” one user shared. “Tbf that guy owes you a drink. You made him see exactly the kind of person he was dating. NTA. She’s not even a real friend at this point,” another added.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda got in touch with the author of this story, u/OkDream6816, who kindly agreed to share more information and thoughts about the whole situation.
To begin with, we were interested to learn about the decision to offer to split the bill despite her friend’s insistence otherwise. “I just have always felt it’s commonplace to pay for yourself,” she noted. “Unless someone explicitly says otherwise, I don’t wanna feel indebted to anyone or obligated in any way afterwards. I’m just happy to pay for my own dinner and drinks and leave it at that.”
Speaking about the possibility of reconciliation with her friend, OP emphasized that she’s already looking into moving out. “I don’t know, it showed me a side of her that I don’t really want to engage with further.”
The OP added that it seems they are just different people and while they never had any crazy issues in their own friendship and life, she thinks that probably that guy was someone her friend really wanted to keep and it’s okay.
We also asked the author if there is something about the whole situation she wishes she did differently – “I would’ve held my tongue and spoken to her privately afterwards.” However, she also quickly noted that there is still a side of her that always says to stand your ground and don’t bite your tongue to make someone else happy.
“Figuring that I wasn’t even doing something harsh, just offering to pay for my own food/drinks, didn’t realize the impact it would have. But yeah, looking back would’ve just smiled and mentioned it later,” the OP shared.
Finally, the woman emphasized that she is just someone who doesn’t think others should be expected to pay or that it should ever be an assumption. “The blind date was so nice and lovely but I wasn’t into it, and I’d have felt wrong seeing him pay considering a second date wasn’t going to happen.”
And what do you guys think about this whole situation? Who was in the right and who was in the wrong? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors backed up the woman saying that she can be calm as she didn’t do anything wrong
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They were dating for two months already. OP shouldn’t take her friend’s blame for a first straw that was probably her own last straw
The only way it would be OK for her to have those views is if she is 100% a traditional woman herself and wouldn't be offended if "her man" expected her to be a stay at home mom and do all the cooking and cleaning. You simply can't be non traditional yet expect men to be traditional. Sounds like she is just a walling red flag.
1. He must have noticed that she never pays before this 2. At 22 who doesn't pay for themselves? Do you really have enough money to cover double all the time? It's one thing if you take turns paying, but have some self respect and pay your own way. 3. Until the relationship is established, it skews the power dynamic to have one person always pay. Socially, (anthro/soc) paying for someone or giving a gift starts a chain of debt and obligation that is a layer no one needs creeping into their relationship early on. Dating is tough enough, and this isn't a time where women don't run their own finances/have their own resources. Of course men used to pay, women couldn't have bank accounts.
In my world, the one who invites the other should be the one who pays.
In my world, that doesn't matter we all pay our own shares. Different strokes for different folks right? Regardless of which opinion you have on the matter, it feels bad having a guy (date) paying for her meal when (a) she didn't really want to go on the date in the first place, and (b) there was no attraction either. Accepting the "free meal" creates a sense of entitlement in some people. Far better not to "owe" the guy she's not interested in anything.
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In a traditional relationship, the man pays in a restaurant; meaning performing the physical act of handing over money. This does not mean the man covers the bill. (I have heard many stories, when the lady invited her beau/husband and gave him the money secretly, under the table, or before leaving their home.) Traditionally, the expenses of the dating were shared: if the gentleman pays in the restaurant, the lady "happens to have a couple of tickets and needs someone who would accompany her" or treats the gentleman to a homemade dinner/supper. Those women, who traditionally expected favors or other material compensation for their company were demi-monde ladies (sex workers).
The other side of this, is that some guys (not all, I know!) can consider paying for a date means that they have a right to s*x from the girl- so offering to split the bill with her blind date because didn't see it going anywhere, can also be a safety thing- that way you don't get accused of using him and he can't use it as an excuse! Women have to be careful
A fellow student years ago got really, really tired of young men telling her she owed sex because they paid for a cup of coffee or a quick snack. "I don't f**k for a slice of pizza!"
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OP's friend has some sexist views, and is very self-centered: expecting men to pay is outrageously-antiquated, and accusing her friend of not being a "girls-girl" for not outright agreeing is just code for "I expect you to endorse my bad behavior." Feminism doesn't equate to unconditionally kissing your a*s, Stacy (said in Sandy Griffin's voice)
Doesn't seem like a good friendship to begin with, breaking up after this.
This should of been discussed prior to going out. No excuses for this.
I had an ex who complained that he always paid when we went out to eat and I had to explain that he had eaten three dinners at my place that week that I cooked from scratch plus miscellaneous groceries, all of which I paid. According to him, that didn’t count. Did I say he’s an ex?
sounds like friend's boyfriend dodged a bullet. I mean if you want to buy me dinner, fine. But I ain't expecting it every time
Fair point. Personally, I'd also look at factors other than just gender, such as the person's pay and expenses. I may be female, but I have other identities, such as being white, steadily employed with good benefits, frugal lifestyle, etc.
Load More Replies... They were dating for two months already. OP shouldn’t take her friend’s blame for a first straw that was probably her own last straw
The only way it would be OK for her to have those views is if she is 100% a traditional woman herself and wouldn't be offended if "her man" expected her to be a stay at home mom and do all the cooking and cleaning. You simply can't be non traditional yet expect men to be traditional. Sounds like she is just a walling red flag.
1. He must have noticed that she never pays before this 2. At 22 who doesn't pay for themselves? Do you really have enough money to cover double all the time? It's one thing if you take turns paying, but have some self respect and pay your own way. 3. Until the relationship is established, it skews the power dynamic to have one person always pay. Socially, (anthro/soc) paying for someone or giving a gift starts a chain of debt and obligation that is a layer no one needs creeping into their relationship early on. Dating is tough enough, and this isn't a time where women don't run their own finances/have their own resources. Of course men used to pay, women couldn't have bank accounts.
In my world, the one who invites the other should be the one who pays.
In my world, that doesn't matter we all pay our own shares. Different strokes for different folks right? Regardless of which opinion you have on the matter, it feels bad having a guy (date) paying for her meal when (a) she didn't really want to go on the date in the first place, and (b) there was no attraction either. Accepting the "free meal" creates a sense of entitlement in some people. Far better not to "owe" the guy she's not interested in anything.
Load More Replies... In a traditional relationship, the man pays in a restaurant; meaning performing the physical act of handing over money. This does not mean the man covers the bill. (I have heard many stories, when the lady invited her beau/husband and gave him the money secretly, under the table, or before leaving their home.) Traditionally, the expenses of the dating were shared: if the gentleman pays in the restaurant, the lady "happens to have a couple of tickets and needs someone who would accompany her" or treats the gentleman to a homemade dinner/supper. Those women, who traditionally expected favors or other material compensation for their company were demi-monde ladies (sex workers).
The other side of this, is that some guys (not all, I know!) can consider paying for a date means that they have a right to s*x from the girl- so offering to split the bill with her blind date because didn't see it going anywhere, can also be a safety thing- that way you don't get accused of using him and he can't use it as an excuse! Women have to be careful
A fellow student years ago got really, really tired of young men telling her she owed sex because they paid for a cup of coffee or a quick snack. "I don't f**k for a slice of pizza!"
Load More Replies... OP's friend has some sexist views, and is very self-centered: expecting men to pay is outrageously-antiquated, and accusing her friend of not being a "girls-girl" for not outright agreeing is just code for "I expect you to endorse my bad behavior." Feminism doesn't equate to unconditionally kissing your a*s, Stacy (said in Sandy Griffin's voice)
Doesn't seem like a good friendship to begin with, breaking up after this.
This should of been discussed prior to going out. No excuses for this.
I had an ex who complained that he always paid when we went out to eat and I had to explain that he had eaten three dinners at my place that week that I cooked from scratch plus miscellaneous groceries, all of which I paid. According to him, that didn’t count. Did I say he’s an ex?
sounds like friend's boyfriend dodged a bullet. I mean if you want to buy me dinner, fine. But I ain't expecting it every time
Fair point. Personally, I'd also look at factors other than just gender, such as the person's pay and expenses. I may be female, but I have other identities, such as being white, steadily employed with good benefits, frugal lifestyle, etc.
Load More Replies...
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