“Would I Be The [Jerk] If I Didn’t Let My Sister Wear Her Wedding Dress To My Wedding?”

Weddings are packed with traditions. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, the garter toss, the bouquet toss, and, of course, the idea that nobody but the bride should wear white to the happy occasion. 

One guy found himself in an awkward position after his widowed sister (who sadly never had a wedding of her own) thought it’d be a great idea to wear her wedding dress to his big day. Wondering if he’d be a jerk to tell her no, he turned to the internet for advice.

More info: Reddit

It’s hard to say no to family, as this groom-to-be is unfortunately finding out the hard way

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

His widowed sister pitched in to help him plan his wedding, but has a special request

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Since she didn’t get to have a wedding of her own, she wants to wear her wedding dress to his celebration of love

Image credits: bristekjegor / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Uncomfortable with the idea, he spoke to his mom about it, but she accused him of being jealous and just wanting all the attention for himself

Image credits: AITAdressthrowaway

He knows his sister would accept no for an answer, but still turned to netizens to ask if rejecting her idea would be a jerk move

Weddings are stressful enough, but one groom-to-be has found himself in an awkward situation that’s got him second-guessing everything. Three years ago, his sister’s fiancé passed away in a tragic work accident just months before their wedding. Now, she’s convinced she’ll never remarry, and her unworn wedding dress is just sitting there.

At first, OP was super careful about bringing up his wedding, worried it might be painful for his sister. But to his surprise, she was all in. She loves weddings and jumped straight into planning mode, even helping make decisions about the decor and details. Everything was going smoothly until she made a request that threw him off completely.

OP explains that she wants to wear her old wedding dress to his wedding. Yep, the one she never got to wear. Their mom is totally on board, arguing that since he’s marrying a man, no one will mistake her for the bride. But he’s not so sure. His sister is his maid of honor, and walking around in a full wedding gown would definitely make her stand out. 

He’s tried offering other ways to honor her late fiancé—like a memorial table or a father-daughter dance—but when he told his mom he wasn’t totally comfortable with the dress idea, she accused him of being jealous and attention-seeking. Now, he’s stuck and worried telling his sister no would be a jerk move, so he’s turned to an online community for advice.

OP tells us his sister would be fine with him saying no but also admits that a grand wedding isn’t nearly as important to him as it is to her. It’s quite the dilemma, so what’s the best way forward for the groom-to-be? We went looking for answers.

Image credits: Nick Karvounis / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

In her article for The Knot, Elizabeth Ayoola writes that if you’re getting married in the near future, you should think about setting wedding planning boundaries to ensure your day is memorable and everything you hoped for. 

According to certified wedding planner Lynda Gono, lacking boundaries can result in different issues popping up both during the planning and on the day itself. Some common challenges she says couples face include arguing with parents over wedding traditions and having people impose their own ideas of what they think you should do.

In her piece for Psychology Today, Michelle P. Maldenberg (Ph.D.) writes that decision-making requires us to take risks and give up a degree of control. There’s usually a tradeoff we must accept for making the decision we choose. In OP’s case, he either lets his sister have her wedding wish, or disappoints her by saying no, risking family drama. 

But what about a compromise? Perhaps OP’s sister could integrate parts of her original gown into her maid of honor attire, such as using lace or fabric from her wedding dress to create a shawl or incorporate into an existing dress design. This subtle touch would keep her fiancé’s memory close without drawing undue attention, surely? Perhaps OP needs to think beyond yes and no.

What do you think the line is between honoring a lost loved one and making someone else’s wedding about your grief? Would you say no if you were in OP’s shoes? Share your opinion in the comments!

In the comments, readers concluded that the guy would not be a jerk for respectfully declining his sister’s wish and agreed it’s not the right way for her to process her grief

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