You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. This simple fact can lead to considerable friction when family members don’t see eye to eye, especially when extended family relationships are involved.

One bride-to-be turned to the internet to ask if she would be a jerk for not wanting her adult autistic cousin at her child-free wedding, after she revealed that her cousin is high-functioning. However, netizens slammed the bridezilla for her ableist attitude.

More info: Reddit

You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family, much to the disappointment of this bridezilla

Image credits: anatoliy_cherkas / Freepik (not the actual photo)

She’s getting married next spring, and she and her fiancé have chosen to have a child-free wedding

Image credits: Holiak / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The only problem is that she doesn’t want her adult autistic cousin to attend, leading to an irate aunt and uncle

Image credits: master1305 / Freepik  (not the actual photo)

The woman turned to the web to gather opinions on her wish to exclude her cousin from the wedding

Image credits: throwawaybride2be222

Netizens didn’t hold back, slamming the woman for her ableist behavior, and even her fiancé says it’s a jerk move

OP begins her story by telling the community that she’s getting married to the love of her life next spring. She adds that she and her fiancé have decided on a child-free wedding since not many of her friends and family have young children—and the ones that do can easily arrange babysitters because the wedding invitations were sent out in good time.

According to OP, the only snag is her aunt and uncle, who have a 20-year-old autistic daughter who will be 21 by the time of the wedding. She describes her cousin as “highly-functioning,” meaning she can get by pretty much on her own, despite the fact that she still lives with her parents and works at a grocery store.

OP says that, although her cousin is an adult, she just doesn’t see her as such. She goes on to criticize her incessant interest in toy ponies and Barbie dolls and the way she never makes eye contact when they speak. She then goes on to say her cousin doesn’t have meltdowns, but she doesn’t want to risk having her big day ruined.

When she told her aunt and uncle about her decision to exclude their daughter from the wedding, they got upset and said they’d already bought her cousin a dress and wedding gifts, but OP said she didn’t want to hear it. Now, even her fiancé is calling it a jerk move, especially considering her cousin has been to other weddings without an issue.

Image credits: Rawf8.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)

From what OP tells us in her post, this certainly seems like cut-and-dry ableist behavior. What makes it even worse is the fact that the person being discriminated against has no history of acting out. Now that OP has been labeled by netizens as an ableist, how can she start to undo the damage? We went looking for answers. 

Being an effective ally to disabled individuals involves active support, continuous learning, and advocacy for inclusivity. 

According to the World Institute on Disability website, an easy way to remember how to be a good ally is an acronym for the word ally itself: Acknowledge (and respect) individual experiences and abilities, Learn about different disability types, Leverage your influence to promote accessibility and inclusion, and Yield the floor to people with disabilities to help identify and eliminate barriers.

According to The Help Group website, other key steps to positive allyship include using respectful language, challenging ableism, promoting accessibility, listening to and amplifying voices, respecting autonomy, supporting disability rights, and fostering inclusive communities.

It would definitely seem that OP has a way to go toward dismantling her exclusionary view—here’s hoping she sees the wisdom in netizens’ reactions, for both her and her cousin’s sake. 

What would you do if you found yourself in the shoes of the cousin’s parents? Do you think they should pull out of the wedding in protest? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

In the comments, readers weren’t shy about expressing their disdain for the bride-to-be’s ableist behavior and swiftly agreed she was being a total jerk

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