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87
Teen Cracks Under Pressure As Controlling Dad Enforces Insane Routine, Mom Refuses To Step In
Would you call Child Protection Services to report a family member? One woman is seriously considering doing it. But she’s still not sure if she should. The aunt has told how her niece recently called her in tears, begging to be saved from what she claims is “prison.”
It seems the 16-year-old’s father doesn’t know how to manage her ADHD diagnosis, or her ‘lopsided’ grades. And has decided the best way forward is to implement super strict rules and routines. His daughter is feeling deeply unhappy, isolated, and controlled. And her aunt is concerned for her well-being. She believes it’s time to get authorities involved. But not all netizens agree.
RELATED:
Imagine being banned from seeing friends, and living a life that consists only of studying, exercising, and family meal times
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That’s what happened when one teen’s dad went “full prison guard,” and the girl’s aunt is seriously worried
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Agreeable_River_7340
Is medication really necessary in the treatment of ADHD?
Getting easily distracted, being disorganized, and having trouble concentrating are all symptoms of ADHD, and experts say these symptoms can worsen during adolescence or the teen years, due to hormonal changes and the increased demands of school and extracurricular activities. This can lead to problems studying, and the teenager’s grades may fall, especially if they are not getting ADHD treatment.
“It’s not uncommon for teens with ADHD to forget assignments, lose textbooks, and become bored with their daily classwork,” notes WebMD. “Teens may become inattentive or excessively attentive, not waiting for their turn before blurting out answers. They may interrupt their teacher and classmates, and they may rush through assignments. Teens with ADHD may also be fidgety and find it tough to sit still in class.”
Not all teenagers with ADHD need to take medication, but the National Institute of Mental Health says about 80% of those who needed it as children still need meds in their teen years.
For those who do take medication, there are two types: stimulant and non-stimulant. The first ones may make teens more alert and help them do better at school, but they can be addictive. The latter are less likely to be habit-forming and have different side effects from stimulants. Often, medication is used alongside alternative treatments like elimination diets, supplements, memory training, and neurofeedback.
But some experts say medication isn’t necessary at all, and behavior therapy alone may work for teenagers. The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry all recommend behavior therapy to improve behavior problems that form part of ADHD.
How you can help your teen manage their ADHD:
ADHD affects all parts of a teenager’s life, warns the WebMD team. “As a parent, your first goal should be to talk openly with your teen. Be supportive and accepting at all times. You can also enlist your child’s pediatrician for help in discussing ADHD and its treatment,” reads the site.
It also helps to provide clear, consistent expectations, directions, and limits, as does setting a daily schedule and keeping distractions to a minimum. But routine doesn’t only apply to the teen with ADHD. As suggested by WebMD experts, the entire family should have a structured routine with the same wake-up time, mealtime, and bedtime.
Remember that your teenager may need help managing their schedule. You can do this by staying in contact with teachers so that you’re aware of any work due. You can also set up a reminder system at home that shows important dates, times, events, or projects that are due.
“Be sure to include homework and playtime in the schedule,” advises WebMD, adding that some kids may benefit from a visual representation of their schedule, such as a calendar or list. Either way, you should often review the reminder system with your child.
Homework and notebook organizers can also be useful. “Stress the importance of having your child write down assignments and bring home the needed books,” reads the site. “A checklist can be helpful to make sure items like schoolbooks, lunch boxes, and jackets are brought home each day.”
If you keep your home neat and organized, it can bring calm to your child. “Organize everyday items. Your child should have a place for everything and keep everything in its place. This includes clothing, backpacks, and school supplies.”
The experts suggest that parents support activities where their teen can celebrate personal success, like sports, hobbies, or music lessons. Build your teen’s self-esteem by affirming positive behavior, rewarding positive behavior, and setting consequences for bad behavior. Always stay calm when disciplining your teen.
They also say parents should lead by example. “Teens don’t always show it, but the adults in their lives are very influential and important to them,” explains WebMD.
Finally, the experts stress that you should make sure your teen gets plenty of sleep. “Set firm rules for the TV, computers, phones, video games, and other devices. Make sure all of these are turned off well before bedtime,” they advise.
“Emma is at her breaking point.”Many felt the aunt should intervene
Some people felt the aunt would be making a huge mistake by calling CPS
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What do you think ?
Beak Hookage 5 months ago
The YTAs are completely unhinged. How is this "parenting"?! Good lord.
Paul Rabit 5 months ago
You said it. This is 100% abuse. They have basically locked the kid up in the house - that is NOT parenting.
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Robert Beveridge 5 months ago
"talking some sense into BIL" should at the very least involve brass knuckles and coshes. I don't know why everyone is dancing around it and trying to defend this fucknut. This. Is. Abuse.
Janine Randall 5 months ago
The mental abuse is so extreme! So she doesn't have bruises! You don't have to use fists to beat someone in to hopelessness.
Load More Replies... Robin Roper 5 months ago
Poor child. Both mom and dad have set into stone that Emma will move out as soon as she turns 18 and will cut them both out of her life. Mom has failed Emma by staying with her dad who is controlling and a*****e.
Tyke 5 months ago
OP seemed concerned about Emma running away... I'd be more concerned about her hàrming herself, especially if she is this miserable and feels literally trapped
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Deborah B 5 months ago
Emma is 16 - check the laws in your country/state. She may be legally allowed to choose to move out. If she is, offer for her to come live with you. Or get legal advice on whether your sister alone (without her husband's consent) can give writen permission for Emma to live with you. If you can get her out of the house without getting in legal trouble, then you can give her a break from the controlling parents, get her on ADHD medication, and get her in therapy. It will also give you leverage to get the parents into family therapy.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
OP can also check out the laws in their region of the age when someone can legally move on their own and withdraw parent control. In Manitoba, that age is 16 or 17.
Bookworm 5 months ago
Where I live this would be medical abuse. ADHD is a mental health condition and where I live 14 year olds and above can choose their treatment (as long as it's doctor approved) without their parents consent. So here yes call CPS and report she's being denied medication she needs and wants. Frankly I'd rather try doing something than nothing. I'd also be letting her know as soon as she's 18 she can come live with me. Without telling her parents of course. Day she turns 18 drive over and take her as long as she's willing. Be prepared to buy everything she needs.
Littlemiss 5 months ago
Would cps do anything? Probably not, dad sounds like a master manipulator. Emma's grades are up, but her mental health is going down hill. The mother won't step in and is making excuses for not doing anything about it. Hopefully OP can get Emma out.
SkyBlueandBlack 5 months ago
That's the problem, Emma very likely WILL "get out" the only way she can, and it will be permanent.
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martin734 5 months ago
I don't know about the USA, but here in the UK this would absolutely be classed as abuse and denying a 16 year old the medication prescribed by her doctor for a diagnosed mental illness is a criminal offence under the Children's and Young Person's Act.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
To dam right it would ! N social services would step in instantly ! mind you at 16 here , you can leave home , I did in fact leave home at 16 n never looked back ! in USA to you can become emancipated from your parents at 14 , ie divorce them , long as you have somewhere safe to live , which she does , her aunt !
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The Starsong Princess 5 months ago
Actually, there’s lots that can be done here. Firstly, Emma needs to get up during class and tell her teacher that she’s being abused and wants to talk to her vice principal and the school social worker right now. Her father cannot force her to go home if she refuses to go and a 16 year old generally cannot be forced. Secondly, are you willing to help her? If you are, have her skip her last class and meet you. Line up a lawyer and file for emancipated minor status. In general, a judge won’t force a 16 year old to go back home if they refuse to go. Most likely, you’ll be able to broker a deal with your BIL for him to back off. And shame on your sister for letting this go on.
Kit Black 5 months ago
Based on the phrasing, it sounds like she is in a remote learning environment
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Lisa T 5 months ago
I had “strict” parents growing up (which only made me go sneaking around behind their back and lie about stuff). This is beyond strict. These rules would be bad for anyone’s mental health, let alone someone with ADHD. A proper parent with a child with ADHD would be researching the best way to help, talking to therapists or doctors who specialise in ADHD. He basically has no idea what to do so just took away everything from her thinking that would help
StrangeOne 5 months ago
This is why it's so important for parents to be provided with resources and supports so they can learn how to manage their kids living with invisible disabilities and learning disorders. It wasn't easy dealing with my kid who was diagnosed with global developmental delay. Most of the time I was just winging it. Some parents feel the need to be too strict because they're scared of what would happen if they don't "intervene". It's mighty difficult to be teenager living like that. Been there. Told the reasons. I begged to move out as soon as it was legal for where I am, which is 16 in Manitoba. You could move out and complete withdraw from parental control. Met people who have done so. So, if the niece lives somewhere where she can move out sooner than 18, she can.
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Hyacinth (Any pronouns) 5 months ago
I'm a teen with ADHD, and while I need a consistent structure to do well, this is insane. Also, denying caffeine is wild, my doctor actually told me to start drinking coffee when I was getting diagnosed, as it works differently on ADHD brains. And it's helped me a lot. I've always struggled with History and English, but being medicated for my brain problems is part of what's allowing me to do well in all my classes.
Vinnie 5 months ago (edited)
The father acts as if medication will make the child "high" - does he seriously think she'll be robbing banks or working as a call girl to feed her "add!ction"?? By the way, great on you for your progress and wise words.
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Janelle Collard 5 months ago
I'd call CPS just to file a complaint. Maybe they'd investigate if OP says Emma's being held inside the house with no interaction with anybody outside of her family.
StrangeOne 5 months ago (edited)
They would quickly shut down that claim knowing OP is having contact with her niece and sister, otherwise how would she know so much. Just a thought from experience having called child welfare on a neighbour who was keeping her son living in a disgusting, trashy home.
Load More Replies... Verena 5 months ago
From context I conclude that the girl is homeschooled/remote schooled, so not even gets out of the house and to a school building. So nobody outside her parents and siblings ever meet her in person. Where I live, this is child abuse and you absolutely need to contact authorities. That this is cruel was proved by a king a couple of hundred years ago, who raised kids without social contact and enrichment, because he wanted to know which language these kids would speak naturally. He never knew, kids died due to lack of social contact. Later experiments confirmed that this does not work. For the kid in question it is even more horrid, because she is sick and her siblings seem to be treated totally different
Ellinor 5 months ago (edited)
It's sad that nothing can be done legally about that situation, and I don't think OP is the AH. But regarding the parents, I'd say that there is a thin line between being a strict parent and being a controlling and @busive parent. And they crossed that line, the father by putting all that in place, and the mother for not doing anything about it.
Courtney Christelle 5 months ago (edited)
Emma is being denied medical treatment prescribed to her by a doctor and being alienated from family. “It’s only for ADHD” is a s**t way of looking at it. It’s setting her up for difficulty later in life. Call CPS.
Sera 5 months ago
Forcing her into a strict routine might be improving her grades slightly, but also isn’t even teaching her to develop appropriate habits on her own. What does daddy think is going to happen when she is no longer his personal prisoner?
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StrangeOne 5 months ago (edited)
There isn't actually severe abuse going on. It is unfairly strict, sure, but she's not being neglected and no physical abuse is happening. The only thing op has on him is refusing to let his daughter take her ADHD medication, and that is still not enough of a reason if the only reason is to get her grades up, which they are without her medication. Kids, especially older teens, in state care do not get all of their mental health needs provided for, or it's a toss up depending on how the foster parent cares for the kids. Teens get moved around foster homes a lot, and some of them are in worse conditions than where OP's niece is. I highly doubt it would end in the niece being taken, anyways, because of her age. CPS would also look at how the other kids in the house are being treated. If the mother is contemplating divorce, and is having marital problems due to her husband handling the kids, this may be the result and then she will be able to make a case and gain more than 1/2 custody.
sturmwesen 5 months ago
Prohibiting socialisation for a long time is abuse. even prisoners are able to meet other prisoners and visitors unless they commit additional offenses. that said I still don't think CPS would do sth. .
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Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 5 months ago
The yta people are controlling psycho parents and kid haters themselves
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
The worst one is the ex social worker like wtf , that’s scary isn’t it
Load More Replies... Tabitha 5 months ago (edited)
Nope, report it to ALL agencies you can think of. Call the police to do a welfare check and say it’s because your niece hasn’t contacted you in X number of days or weeks and you’re worried about her safety—then detail the treatment she’s been receiving to them so they understand the context. Do the same when calling CPS and the school counselor. Get as many reports filed against BIL as possible then make sure your sister’s lawyer knows where to get copies of them, and BIL’s chances at 50-50 custody will disappear into thin air. His chances at any custody will disappear as well. He MIGHT end up with extremely limited, extremely monitored visitation anywhere but his home and never be allowed to be alone with his daughter ever again.
Kathy Brooke 5 months ago
This was during lockdown... is there an update? Cos that kid's 20 now.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
Well let’s hope she is 20 !, n alive n well but tbh I’m worried that she took matters into her to her own hands , the awful away poor kid
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CF 5 months ago
A word of warning to absurdly strict parents (not that any of those would be reading this, nor open to introspection enough to take advantage of this advice). I had a neighborhood friend who was treated like this. A lot of it came from religion in this case. This girl was a pretty good kid, at least in our pre teens. She wasn't straight A, but she certainly wasn't in danger of failing anything. Some people simply are not academically inclined, especially if the extra study time required for someone less 'gifted' is taken up by chores (lots of chores I remember), babysitting younger siblings, and bible study/church events. We were noncommercial friends by mid teens because I was a 'bad influence' and I got tired of getting dragged to church with her family, but like many of those sheltered and isolated kids, she rebelled ASAP. I heard through the grapevine she was pregnant at 17. I guess she managed to sneak just enough freedom for that.
LilDumpling 5 months ago
I lived in a very strict, very isolating household, but this seems even worse. I'm currently in trauma therapy for it, at 40 years old. I wish CPS had intervened; maybe my parents would have been made to take parenting classes and my mom could have gotten treatment for her undiagnosed (at the time) Bipolar and PTSD. Call CPS, even if they find nothing wrong enough to intervene, it might put dad on alert.
Joshua David 5 months ago (edited)
Wow. Something happened with my brother and nephew along these lines. My nephew was going around telling his friends that my brother was beating him, broke his rib punching him, broke his eye socket from a beating and was telling people a scar on his shoulder was because he had been shot. A few night ago, he ran away and my brother happened to speak to all his detractors and the parents of, and all this was news to him. Turns out the 15 year-old likes to lie. He was d**g tested and admitted to a psyche ward last night after being found on the run. Im that situation i would deem it necessary to put her on lockdown, which is exactly what my nephew will be going into when he's discharged from his hospital stay. Then off to military school. She deserves better.
Angie Falzarano 1 month ago
Some kids just are good at math and science. My m I ther had a masters in science I still got by on ds with math and science. Bil is making it worse. If you can take this child in or report them to cps. This is considered a***e.
Janine Randall 5 months ago
NOT comparing Emma to an animal, but if you heard a dog being treated like this, what would you think? Is the SPCA be a better call? Two therapists were fired because "he couldn't run the appt"? School has no one concerned about a 16 yo girl locked down tight? Can she pass a note to someone? Can she borrow A friend's phone to call Aunt or a grandparent? IF she makes it to 18, she'll be a puff of smoke. Who will Dad t*****e then? This behavior isn't going to go away just because she leaves. Is Mom or the other kids important enough to do something? Maybe not CPS, but some sort of request for school counselors to be involved? They're mandated reporters. If it gets bad enough, they can report. OP may be strong enough to get through this, but I'm guessing she's feeling pretty hopeless. If she does something drastic, how will all the people saying " that's too extreme" feel?
Ginger ninja 5 months ago
This is absolutely abuse and from what OP says of her sister, it sounds like she is in an a*****e relationship but “doesnt want her kids to have a broken home or him with 50/50 custody”. Either way Emma needs to get away from him, she is about to break and will do something drastic
weatherwitch 5 months ago
That poor child. That is outright abuse, and the isolation of a teenager cannot be underestimated. I would talk to the school, then CPS. Grades mean Fk all further down the line. Adhd people find it incredibly hard to study unless it's a hyper focus. I hope that poor child escaped and goes No Contact with her parents. And Fk those YTA ba$tard$ 😡
Kate Johnson 5 months ago
I'd encourage Emma to keep her head down, and the day she turns 18 I will come and pick her up and take her to live with me. That I will assist her in permanently cutting her a*****e father out of her life for good. I'd tell BIL the same thing. Also I'd tell BIL that if he tried to keep her after she was 18, I'd have him arrested for unlawful imprisonment. Then he can enjoy the fact that going forward he not only will have NO CONTROL, he won't even know anything about her life, including whether or not she was even alive.
KatSaidWhat 5 months ago
Alarms on doors AND windows? What if there is a fire? This has gone beyond strict. Speak to the school before this escalates wildly out of hand.
Laura Smith 5 months ago
As usual all of the YTA comments are ignorant, and they're s****y parents themselves. How can anybody realistically look at this whole situation and say they're just being parents? The ignorance and stupidity is mind-blowing, this is abusiv! Imagine being so unhinged you think locking a kid in a house and not allowing her any outside contact or to even celebrate Christmas and you think it's perfectly acceptable, you are garbage humans
Fuhleeheece 5 months ago
Of course the former social worker says "YTA." Don't ever call CPS because they consistently make things worse. Only when some kid gets unalived do they scratch their heads and ponder what could have been different. And don't even start with the "Godly" parents who abuse their kids in isolation. Thanks, Ruby Franke and Jodi Hildebrand, for commenting "YTA" from your prison cells.
Robyn Hill 5 months ago
The aunt needs to know how Emma could become emancipated from her parents. 16 is old enough. And then help her do that. Because no matter what the batcrap crazy YTAs say, this is abuse. Imagine if she was kidnapped, rather than their daughter? It would be exactly the same treatment. Emma needs out of that house.
Jo Firth 5 months ago
Sounds like the rules my mother had when I was growing up. Nothing was allowed outside the house unless she supervised, ie playing sport of some sort. For 11 years I went to school and came home. I was allowed to have 'fun' at home but was never allowed to visit friends or have friends come to my place. At 16 I got a part-time job after school which gave me a tiny bit of freedom. I was finally allowed to have my hair cut the way I wanted because I could pay for it myself ("While ever I pay for your haircut you'll have it done the way I say it is done"). I didn't know any better until I could finally afford to move out at 19. Screwed with my head for years.
Mark Childers 5 months ago
And the parents will wonder "why don't we ever hear from our kids?" Actions have consequences. I was no contact with my father for years. He's now gone, so the world is a safer place.
Arenite 5 months ago
She can’t talk to a teacher? WTF? She’s sitting in a classroom, with schoolmates, friends, AND a teacher. What does she do in school all day, stay completely mute? Yeah dad is a gaping a*****e, but she’s got to defend herself, since mom apparently won’t. And I doubt dad would get 50/50 custody as long as she steps up and tells the lawyer/judge just what is going on!
Tonyah Mcanelly 5 months ago
I dont think CPS will intervene They will come out and investigate. talk to the children . But if there is no life threating issue going on and every one appears to be healthy they may not do any thing. My ex called CPS several times on me trying to deem me as an unfit mother . Especially when i had a house fire and we were living in an extended say hotel because my house was destroyed. I can completely understand the OP's concern this kid should be living a life of a kid. My son has ADHD caffiene had an opposite effect on him . Rather than hyping him up it toned him down. I wonder if there is a way the OP can get her out of the house for a few hours a week just to give the poor kid some sanity .. I think the parents are being too harsh . The mom needs to grow a pair and stand up to the father . They are going to end up with a rebelloius kid who resents her parents.
DC 5 months ago (edited)
Yeah, "You don't know what happens when the government gets involved.". Uh, the government? Like, the prime minister and such? They sort this on CPS's behalf? Good to know, didn't. This is abuse. Abuse making a medical condition worse, with better grades - for a limited timespan, and maybe due to other reasons just as much, likely even more. This is like forcing somebody to do a cold withdrawal, but without a previous add iction, and without it ever ending. Inhumane. Cruel and unusual punishment, something every POW is meant to be safe from (not actually is safe from, but at least, it's punishable in principle, although not in daily practise). ADHD, likely, will result in grades being below her potential. Always does, never should. But, an approach to stuff like math that better connects with her habits, likes, dislikes and such, might to a mighty lot more than a strict regime like this. Maybe the subjects actually covered, or the science applied to, or the method of learning that needs to be altered, but everything that promises any success, needs to be move TOWARDS her, not a move of hers into a mold that doesn't fit. Not her, not anyone else, with or without ADHD.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
Holy s**t a YTA ex social worker how many kids got left in a b u s I v e homes cos of her vile attitude 🤬, I need an update , cos Emma was SCREAMING OUT FOR HELP ! n if she didn’t get it then chances are she’s no longer with us !ADHD is not helped like that ffs what that vile father is doing is using it as away to be a b u I si ve ! she’s 16 , n forcing this cos of bloody grades is totally unacceptable! n the mother needs to take all her kids n leave !! Ok not always easy but he’s demented !! and Emma’s either gonna run away or end it all FACT please give us an update
Michael MacKinnon 5 months ago
There's a really easy solution to As in English and History and Cs in maths. As long as she has the basics needed for future life (like for personal financial management), ditch the maths. Unless you're doing a career that needs it, Trig is pretty decorative. Load up on the English, History, maybe things like Social Studies and work towards things the daughter loves as career goals. But this would mean easing the control.
Sera 5 months ago
If this child is in the US, that’s… not really a thing. Students are required to have a certain number of credits in each of the core competencies in order to graduate. You don’t get to say “I don’t need more than basic math;” you’re still going to have to take multiple math classes. When I was in high school (grades 9-12, ages 14-18,) you had to have at least three credits each for science, math, English, and history - and you were expected to have four each. Some specific classes were required for all students, like Participation in Government and Economics (these two combined were worth one history credit.) US students at these ages are almost never on a specific career trajectory; high school is designed to prepare students for further study at best, and students are not expected to specialize their course of study until the university level.
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 5 months ago
The YTAs are completely unhinged. How is this "parenting"?! Good lord.
Paul Rabit 5 months ago
You said it. This is 100% abuse. They have basically locked the kid up in the house - that is NOT parenting.
Load More Replies... Robert Beveridge 5 months ago
"talking some sense into BIL" should at the very least involve brass knuckles and coshes. I don't know why everyone is dancing around it and trying to defend this fucknut. This. Is. Abuse.
Janine Randall 5 months ago
The mental abuse is so extreme! So she doesn't have bruises! You don't have to use fists to beat someone in to hopelessness.
Load More Replies... Robin Roper 5 months ago
Poor child. Both mom and dad have set into stone that Emma will move out as soon as she turns 18 and will cut them both out of her life. Mom has failed Emma by staying with her dad who is controlling and a*****e.
Tyke 5 months ago
OP seemed concerned about Emma running away... I'd be more concerned about her hàrming herself, especially if she is this miserable and feels literally trapped
Load More Replies... Deborah B 5 months ago
Emma is 16 - check the laws in your country/state. She may be legally allowed to choose to move out. If she is, offer for her to come live with you. Or get legal advice on whether your sister alone (without her husband's consent) can give writen permission for Emma to live with you. If you can get her out of the house without getting in legal trouble, then you can give her a break from the controlling parents, get her on ADHD medication, and get her in therapy. It will also give you leverage to get the parents into family therapy.
StrangeOne 5 months ago
OP can also check out the laws in their region of the age when someone can legally move on their own and withdraw parent control. In Manitoba, that age is 16 or 17.
Bookworm 5 months ago
Where I live this would be medical abuse. ADHD is a mental health condition and where I live 14 year olds and above can choose their treatment (as long as it's doctor approved) without their parents consent. So here yes call CPS and report she's being denied medication she needs and wants. Frankly I'd rather try doing something than nothing. I'd also be letting her know as soon as she's 18 she can come live with me. Without telling her parents of course. Day she turns 18 drive over and take her as long as she's willing. Be prepared to buy everything she needs.
Littlemiss 5 months ago
Would cps do anything? Probably not, dad sounds like a master manipulator. Emma's grades are up, but her mental health is going down hill. The mother won't step in and is making excuses for not doing anything about it. Hopefully OP can get Emma out.
SkyBlueandBlack 5 months ago
That's the problem, Emma very likely WILL "get out" the only way she can, and it will be permanent.
Load More Replies... martin734 5 months ago
I don't know about the USA, but here in the UK this would absolutely be classed as abuse and denying a 16 year old the medication prescribed by her doctor for a diagnosed mental illness is a criminal offence under the Children's and Young Person's Act.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
To dam right it would ! N social services would step in instantly ! mind you at 16 here , you can leave home , I did in fact leave home at 16 n never looked back ! in USA to you can become emancipated from your parents at 14 , ie divorce them , long as you have somewhere safe to live , which she does , her aunt !
Load More Replies... The Starsong Princess 5 months ago
Actually, there’s lots that can be done here. Firstly, Emma needs to get up during class and tell her teacher that she’s being abused and wants to talk to her vice principal and the school social worker right now. Her father cannot force her to go home if she refuses to go and a 16 year old generally cannot be forced. Secondly, are you willing to help her? If you are, have her skip her last class and meet you. Line up a lawyer and file for emancipated minor status. In general, a judge won’t force a 16 year old to go back home if they refuse to go. Most likely, you’ll be able to broker a deal with your BIL for him to back off. And shame on your sister for letting this go on.
Kit Black 5 months ago
Based on the phrasing, it sounds like she is in a remote learning environment
Load More Replies... Lisa T 5 months ago
I had “strict” parents growing up (which only made me go sneaking around behind their back and lie about stuff). This is beyond strict. These rules would be bad for anyone’s mental health, let alone someone with ADHD. A proper parent with a child with ADHD would be researching the best way to help, talking to therapists or doctors who specialise in ADHD. He basically has no idea what to do so just took away everything from her thinking that would help
StrangeOne 5 months ago
This is why it's so important for parents to be provided with resources and supports so they can learn how to manage their kids living with invisible disabilities and learning disorders. It wasn't easy dealing with my kid who was diagnosed with global developmental delay. Most of the time I was just winging it. Some parents feel the need to be too strict because they're scared of what would happen if they don't "intervene". It's mighty difficult to be teenager living like that. Been there. Told the reasons. I begged to move out as soon as it was legal for where I am, which is 16 in Manitoba. You could move out and complete withdraw from parental control. Met people who have done so. So, if the niece lives somewhere where she can move out sooner than 18, she can.
Load More Replies... Hyacinth (Any pronouns) 5 months ago
I'm a teen with ADHD, and while I need a consistent structure to do well, this is insane. Also, denying caffeine is wild, my doctor actually told me to start drinking coffee when I was getting diagnosed, as it works differently on ADHD brains. And it's helped me a lot. I've always struggled with History and English, but being medicated for my brain problems is part of what's allowing me to do well in all my classes.
Vinnie 5 months ago (edited)
The father acts as if medication will make the child "high" - does he seriously think she'll be robbing banks or working as a call girl to feed her "add!ction"?? By the way, great on you for your progress and wise words.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 5 months ago
I'd call CPS just to file a complaint. Maybe they'd investigate if OP says Emma's being held inside the house with no interaction with anybody outside of her family.
StrangeOne 5 months ago (edited)
They would quickly shut down that claim knowing OP is having contact with her niece and sister, otherwise how would she know so much. Just a thought from experience having called child welfare on a neighbour who was keeping her son living in a disgusting, trashy home.
Load More Replies... Verena 5 months ago
From context I conclude that the girl is homeschooled/remote schooled, so not even gets out of the house and to a school building. So nobody outside her parents and siblings ever meet her in person. Where I live, this is child abuse and you absolutely need to contact authorities. That this is cruel was proved by a king a couple of hundred years ago, who raised kids without social contact and enrichment, because he wanted to know which language these kids would speak naturally. He never knew, kids died due to lack of social contact. Later experiments confirmed that this does not work. For the kid in question it is even more horrid, because she is sick and her siblings seem to be treated totally different
Ellinor 5 months ago (edited)
It's sad that nothing can be done legally about that situation, and I don't think OP is the AH. But regarding the parents, I'd say that there is a thin line between being a strict parent and being a controlling and @busive parent. And they crossed that line, the father by putting all that in place, and the mother for not doing anything about it.
Courtney Christelle 5 months ago (edited)
Emma is being denied medical treatment prescribed to her by a doctor and being alienated from family. “It’s only for ADHD” is a s**t way of looking at it. It’s setting her up for difficulty later in life. Call CPS.
Sera 5 months ago
Forcing her into a strict routine might be improving her grades slightly, but also isn’t even teaching her to develop appropriate habits on her own. What does daddy think is going to happen when she is no longer his personal prisoner?
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 5 months ago (edited)
There isn't actually severe abuse going on. It is unfairly strict, sure, but she's not being neglected and no physical abuse is happening. The only thing op has on him is refusing to let his daughter take her ADHD medication, and that is still not enough of a reason if the only reason is to get her grades up, which they are without her medication. Kids, especially older teens, in state care do not get all of their mental health needs provided for, or it's a toss up depending on how the foster parent cares for the kids. Teens get moved around foster homes a lot, and some of them are in worse conditions than where OP's niece is. I highly doubt it would end in the niece being taken, anyways, because of her age. CPS would also look at how the other kids in the house are being treated. If the mother is contemplating divorce, and is having marital problems due to her husband handling the kids, this may be the result and then she will be able to make a case and gain more than 1/2 custody.
sturmwesen 5 months ago
Prohibiting socialisation for a long time is abuse. even prisoners are able to meet other prisoners and visitors unless they commit additional offenses. that said I still don't think CPS would do sth. .
Load More Replies... Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 5 months ago
The yta people are controlling psycho parents and kid haters themselves
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
The worst one is the ex social worker like wtf , that’s scary isn’t it
Load More Replies... Tabitha 5 months ago (edited)
Nope, report it to ALL agencies you can think of. Call the police to do a welfare check and say it’s because your niece hasn’t contacted you in X number of days or weeks and you’re worried about her safety—then detail the treatment she’s been receiving to them so they understand the context. Do the same when calling CPS and the school counselor. Get as many reports filed against BIL as possible then make sure your sister’s lawyer knows where to get copies of them, and BIL’s chances at 50-50 custody will disappear into thin air. His chances at any custody will disappear as well. He MIGHT end up with extremely limited, extremely monitored visitation anywhere but his home and never be allowed to be alone with his daughter ever again.
Kathy Brooke 5 months ago
This was during lockdown... is there an update? Cos that kid's 20 now.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
Well let’s hope she is 20 !, n alive n well but tbh I’m worried that she took matters into her to her own hands , the awful away poor kid
Load More Replies... CF 5 months ago
A word of warning to absurdly strict parents (not that any of those would be reading this, nor open to introspection enough to take advantage of this advice). I had a neighborhood friend who was treated like this. A lot of it came from religion in this case. This girl was a pretty good kid, at least in our pre teens. She wasn't straight A, but she certainly wasn't in danger of failing anything. Some people simply are not academically inclined, especially if the extra study time required for someone less 'gifted' is taken up by chores (lots of chores I remember), babysitting younger siblings, and bible study/church events. We were noncommercial friends by mid teens because I was a 'bad influence' and I got tired of getting dragged to church with her family, but like many of those sheltered and isolated kids, she rebelled ASAP. I heard through the grapevine she was pregnant at 17. I guess she managed to sneak just enough freedom for that.
LilDumpling 5 months ago
I lived in a very strict, very isolating household, but this seems even worse. I'm currently in trauma therapy for it, at 40 years old. I wish CPS had intervened; maybe my parents would have been made to take parenting classes and my mom could have gotten treatment for her undiagnosed (at the time) Bipolar and PTSD. Call CPS, even if they find nothing wrong enough to intervene, it might put dad on alert.
Joshua David 5 months ago (edited)
Wow. Something happened with my brother and nephew along these lines. My nephew was going around telling his friends that my brother was beating him, broke his rib punching him, broke his eye socket from a beating and was telling people a scar on his shoulder was because he had been shot. A few night ago, he ran away and my brother happened to speak to all his detractors and the parents of, and all this was news to him. Turns out the 15 year-old likes to lie. He was d**g tested and admitted to a psyche ward last night after being found on the run. Im that situation i would deem it necessary to put her on lockdown, which is exactly what my nephew will be going into when he's discharged from his hospital stay. Then off to military school. She deserves better.
Angie Falzarano 1 month ago
Some kids just are good at math and science. My m I ther had a masters in science I still got by on ds with math and science. Bil is making it worse. If you can take this child in or report them to cps. This is considered a***e.
Janine Randall 5 months ago
NOT comparing Emma to an animal, but if you heard a dog being treated like this, what would you think? Is the SPCA be a better call? Two therapists were fired because "he couldn't run the appt"? School has no one concerned about a 16 yo girl locked down tight? Can she pass a note to someone? Can she borrow A friend's phone to call Aunt or a grandparent? IF she makes it to 18, she'll be a puff of smoke. Who will Dad t*****e then? This behavior isn't going to go away just because she leaves. Is Mom or the other kids important enough to do something? Maybe not CPS, but some sort of request for school counselors to be involved? They're mandated reporters. If it gets bad enough, they can report. OP may be strong enough to get through this, but I'm guessing she's feeling pretty hopeless. If she does something drastic, how will all the people saying " that's too extreme" feel?
Ginger ninja 5 months ago
This is absolutely abuse and from what OP says of her sister, it sounds like she is in an a*****e relationship but “doesnt want her kids to have a broken home or him with 50/50 custody”. Either way Emma needs to get away from him, she is about to break and will do something drastic
weatherwitch 5 months ago
That poor child. That is outright abuse, and the isolation of a teenager cannot be underestimated. I would talk to the school, then CPS. Grades mean Fk all further down the line. Adhd people find it incredibly hard to study unless it's a hyper focus. I hope that poor child escaped and goes No Contact with her parents. And Fk those YTA ba$tard$ 😡
Kate Johnson 5 months ago
I'd encourage Emma to keep her head down, and the day she turns 18 I will come and pick her up and take her to live with me. That I will assist her in permanently cutting her a*****e father out of her life for good. I'd tell BIL the same thing. Also I'd tell BIL that if he tried to keep her after she was 18, I'd have him arrested for unlawful imprisonment. Then he can enjoy the fact that going forward he not only will have NO CONTROL, he won't even know anything about her life, including whether or not she was even alive.
KatSaidWhat 5 months ago
Alarms on doors AND windows? What if there is a fire? This has gone beyond strict. Speak to the school before this escalates wildly out of hand.
Laura Smith 5 months ago
As usual all of the YTA comments are ignorant, and they're s****y parents themselves. How can anybody realistically look at this whole situation and say they're just being parents? The ignorance and stupidity is mind-blowing, this is abusiv! Imagine being so unhinged you think locking a kid in a house and not allowing her any outside contact or to even celebrate Christmas and you think it's perfectly acceptable, you are garbage humans
Fuhleeheece 5 months ago
Of course the former social worker says "YTA." Don't ever call CPS because they consistently make things worse. Only when some kid gets unalived do they scratch their heads and ponder what could have been different. And don't even start with the "Godly" parents who abuse their kids in isolation. Thanks, Ruby Franke and Jodi Hildebrand, for commenting "YTA" from your prison cells.
Robyn Hill 5 months ago
The aunt needs to know how Emma could become emancipated from her parents. 16 is old enough. And then help her do that. Because no matter what the batcrap crazy YTAs say, this is abuse. Imagine if she was kidnapped, rather than their daughter? It would be exactly the same treatment. Emma needs out of that house.
Jo Firth 5 months ago
Sounds like the rules my mother had when I was growing up. Nothing was allowed outside the house unless she supervised, ie playing sport of some sort. For 11 years I went to school and came home. I was allowed to have 'fun' at home but was never allowed to visit friends or have friends come to my place. At 16 I got a part-time job after school which gave me a tiny bit of freedom. I was finally allowed to have my hair cut the way I wanted because I could pay for it myself ("While ever I pay for your haircut you'll have it done the way I say it is done"). I didn't know any better until I could finally afford to move out at 19. Screwed with my head for years.
Mark Childers 5 months ago
And the parents will wonder "why don't we ever hear from our kids?" Actions have consequences. I was no contact with my father for years. He's now gone, so the world is a safer place.
Arenite 5 months ago
She can’t talk to a teacher? WTF? She’s sitting in a classroom, with schoolmates, friends, AND a teacher. What does she do in school all day, stay completely mute? Yeah dad is a gaping a*****e, but she’s got to defend herself, since mom apparently won’t. And I doubt dad would get 50/50 custody as long as she steps up and tells the lawyer/judge just what is going on!
Tonyah Mcanelly 5 months ago
I dont think CPS will intervene They will come out and investigate. talk to the children . But if there is no life threating issue going on and every one appears to be healthy they may not do any thing. My ex called CPS several times on me trying to deem me as an unfit mother . Especially when i had a house fire and we were living in an extended say hotel because my house was destroyed. I can completely understand the OP's concern this kid should be living a life of a kid. My son has ADHD caffiene had an opposite effect on him . Rather than hyping him up it toned him down. I wonder if there is a way the OP can get her out of the house for a few hours a week just to give the poor kid some sanity .. I think the parents are being too harsh . The mom needs to grow a pair and stand up to the father . They are going to end up with a rebelloius kid who resents her parents.
DC 5 months ago (edited)
Yeah, "You don't know what happens when the government gets involved.". Uh, the government? Like, the prime minister and such? They sort this on CPS's behalf? Good to know, didn't. This is abuse. Abuse making a medical condition worse, with better grades - for a limited timespan, and maybe due to other reasons just as much, likely even more. This is like forcing somebody to do a cold withdrawal, but without a previous add iction, and without it ever ending. Inhumane. Cruel and unusual punishment, something every POW is meant to be safe from (not actually is safe from, but at least, it's punishable in principle, although not in daily practise). ADHD, likely, will result in grades being below her potential. Always does, never should. But, an approach to stuff like math that better connects with her habits, likes, dislikes and such, might to a mighty lot more than a strict regime like this. Maybe the subjects actually covered, or the science applied to, or the method of learning that needs to be altered, but everything that promises any success, needs to be move TOWARDS her, not a move of hers into a mold that doesn't fit. Not her, not anyone else, with or without ADHD.
Crystalwitch60 5 months ago
Holy s**t a YTA ex social worker how many kids got left in a b u s I v e homes cos of her vile attitude 🤬, I need an update , cos Emma was SCREAMING OUT FOR HELP ! n if she didn’t get it then chances are she’s no longer with us !ADHD is not helped like that ffs what that vile father is doing is using it as away to be a b u I si ve ! she’s 16 , n forcing this cos of bloody grades is totally unacceptable! n the mother needs to take all her kids n leave !! Ok not always easy but he’s demented !! and Emma’s either gonna run away or end it all FACT please give us an update
Michael MacKinnon 5 months ago
There's a really easy solution to As in English and History and Cs in maths. As long as she has the basics needed for future life (like for personal financial management), ditch the maths. Unless you're doing a career that needs it, Trig is pretty decorative. Load up on the English, History, maybe things like Social Studies and work towards things the daughter loves as career goals. But this would mean easing the control.
Sera 5 months ago
If this child is in the US, that’s… not really a thing. Students are required to have a certain number of credits in each of the core competencies in order to graduate. You don’t get to say “I don’t need more than basic math;” you’re still going to have to take multiple math classes. When I was in high school (grades 9-12, ages 14-18,) you had to have at least three credits each for science, math, English, and history - and you were expected to have four each. Some specific classes were required for all students, like Participation in Government and Economics (these two combined were worth one history credit.) US students at these ages are almost never on a specific career trajectory; high school is designed to prepare students for further study at best, and students are not expected to specialize their course of study until the university level.
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