Once, we had simple yellow cabs with drivers who would yell at you if you’d ask to turn the music down because you have an incoming call from your mom. Today, the drivers are on a completely different game and are offering services way beyond just driving. You may remember the time Bored Panda did an article about an awesome Uber driver named George. He upgraded his driving services to a whole new level by offering his passengers to choose from the ‘ride type menu’. This time, we have another badass driver in town and he goes by the name John. The guy leveled up the ‘ride type menu’ and it went viral for all the right reasons.
Image credits: Alexander Torrenegra
The driver for Lyft – John – is offering his customers a variety of rides to choose from. For example, you can choose The Sado-Masochistic Ride and enjoy getting kicked out of the car. Or, you can pick out the Gluttony ride and get reviews about the best places to eat in town.
Choose one or more types of rides you would like today.
(You must be 18 years of age or older and over 4’2” tall.)
John: The Lyft Driver
The Stand-Up Ride
I tell you about things I learned in prison and poor life choices I have made. Don’t put a tattoo of your girlfriend on your butt. It rarely works out well.
The Creepy Ride
I don’t say anything. I just leer at you periodically in the review mirror and lick my lips in an unpleasant, malicious or lascivious manner.
The Therapy Ride
Tell me about all your problems and I will pretend to care.
The Sympathy Ride
I tell you about my problems and you pretend to care.
The Sado-Masochistic Ride
I insult you and your relatives (particularly your mother) and be as rude as I possibly can to you the whole trip. WARNING: This ride begins by me throwing you out of the car and making you run to catch up.
The Chill Out Ride
I put on beautiful, quiet, classical music and you arrive at your destination relaxed, refreshed and less likely to complain about the TSA strip search.
The Gluttony Ride
I recommend the best restaurants in town and warn you to stay away from the other over-hyped ones. (I will join you upon request.)
The Jeopardy Ride
I tell you fun facts and trivia about Nashville which will help you win game shows and amaze your friends. Hint: Ask me about “hookers”.