Bride Furious With MIL For Going Against The ‘No Speech’ Rule At Wedding And Ignores Her, Drama Ensues
There is a common stereotype of a girl dreaming about her perfect wedding day, which might be true in some cases. However, one may ask what it is that actually makes this day ‘perfect’ and how far the guests should go trying to fulfill the requests of the bride and contribute to her and the groom’s happy day. These questions became urgent at this Redditor’s wedding as her request for “no speeches” was not followed by the groom’s mother, sparking a conflict between the newlyweds and dividing the people at the wedding into two groups.
More info: Reddit
The groom’s mother gave a speech despite the bride’s request for “no speeches”, sparking a family conflict
Image credits: Leonard Erlandson (not the actual photo)
The bride hates speeches as she finds them boring and very forced, so she asked to have none
Image credits: Character-Cow2577
Image credits: kenji ross (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Character-Cow2577
The groom’s mother started her speech anyway, claiming she would say it because it was her only son getting married
Image credits: Vanessa Hayes (not the actual photo)
The bride was seeing red, so she pretended to not hear her MIL talking and continued her conversation
A bride shared that she hates speeches, as she finds them boring and forced, so she asked for “no speeches” at her own wedding. If people had something to say, they were to do so in private. The woman’s husband thought it was funny, but he agreed to go along with such a request.
Despite being presented in advance with a request for guests to not give speeches, the groom’s mother stood up during dinner and started her speech, saying she knew the guests were “forbidden” to make speeches by the bride, but because it was her only son getting married, she would say what she wanted to say.
At this point, the bride was so furious that she did not even hear the rest and was seeing red. Her sisters and bridesmaids were all shocked. The bride pretended her husband’s mother wasn’t talking and continued her conversation with her sisters and bridesmaids. And they did the same.
This reaction made the groom’s mother and his sisters furious, while the groom was so angry at the bride that he refused to look at her. The husband’s side were sulking in their seats for the rest of the night. Needless to say, the woman’s husband told her she was wrong to disrespect his mother in such a way.
The bride seemed to think that her rule was somehow absolute; however, being the bride does not necessarily mean giving orders to the guests, but only asking in a polite manner and behaving accordingly. Of course, one expects guests to respect the requests from the couple, but it is still closer to negotiation as guests are left to decide if these requests are reasonable.
Normally, people who are coming to a wedding are close friends and family and they expect their needs to also be taken into consideration to a certain extent so that they can be themselves and communicate, rather than just follow orders like some puppets in the bride’s hands.
The groom was angry and refused to look at the bride, his mother and two sisters were furious
Image credits: Jed Scattergood (not the actual photo)
The groom told his wife she was very wrong and she shouldn’t have disrespected his mother like this
Taken into consideration that weddings often are and it was, in this case, a semi-private celebration and speaking one’s mind is one of the basic features of mankind as well as their means to connect and find an agreement, the groom’s mother’s wish to speak publicly at her son’s wedding seems quite reasonable and obviously mattered a great deal to her.
Accordingly, as it mattered to the groom’s mother, it was important for the groom to actually hear it or at least let his mother speak. However, the bride did not follow this line of thought and did not care to respect the groom’s mother’s wish to be heard, even if only for her husband’s sake, because it was what mattered to him.
The only thing that the bride thought was worthy of respect was her rule based on her hate for speeches and her devotion to the idea that all speeches have to be boring and forced, not taking into consideration the fact that freedom of speech, unlike some minor whims, is a basic human right.
Discussing etiquette, Judith Martine notes that nowadays it is popular to disregard its importance and follow Jean-Jacques Rousseau in claiming that we should all behave like (noble) savages. According to her, for some time now, many people have done their best trying to make sure that their children are not inhibited by such “unnatural” concepts as consideration of others.
However, she argues for the importance of etiquette, explaining that etiquette is more flexible, a lot cheaper than law and it asks for voluntary compliance. Obeying its restraints on our individual freedom is the price we pay for living peacefully and perhaps even pleasantly in communities.
According to Martine, the important function of etiquette is to soften personal antagonisms and help to avoid unnecessary conflicts, similarly as diplomacy aims to avoid war, thus regulating social behavior to serve the interest of the community being in harmony.
What’s your take on the situation? Share your thoughts in the comment section.
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
61Kviews
Share on Facebook
“So, I know the bride doesn’t want this, but I don’t actually care about her enough to show even a modicum of respect for her wishes even for a single day. Besides the world needs to know how I feel, and that’s far more important that building a relationship with DIL.” And then the groom “ you made my mommy sad, how dare you!”
F that lady, I'd have interrupted her right when she started, reminded her that No Speech also applies to her, and then given a toast to everyone on the table or something to soothen the mood.
Load More Replies... 
This marriage will be over before my garden dies for the winter.
Load More Replies...
That would've been annulled the next day had my newlywed husband decided me ignoring his mother while she purposely disrespected my wishes was wrong on my part. They are both lucky all you did was ignore her and continue enjoying your night. I would have immediately stood up and exclaimed "Speeches are indeed forbidden...DJ play B!tch don't kill my vibe!!!!"
You obviously have self-respect and know your own worth
Load More Replies...
The ESH responses are cracking me up. They're basically telling the bride to be polite to people who cross her well stated boundaries. And being polite for the sake of keeping peace is how you spend the next 20 years getting walked on. The real issue here is that the husband not only didn't back her but is pouting for 3 weeks? Wow. Also just as an aside I didn't realize not having wedding speeches was an option and were I ever by some unicorn blessed miracle to get married again I would love to skip them.
Talking through the speech is far less rude and disrespectful than MIL but what a jerk SO is being, three weeks of coolness?! He needs to mature because he is being a baby.
The marriage is not going to last. He's more in love with mummy than wife.
Load More Replies...
I find it ironic that the husband said you disrespected the MIL but no mention how her actions disrespected his new wife. Welcome to a lifetime of not being the most important person to your husband.
I'm saying... divorce within six months. Who else wants to join the pool?
If I ever have a wedding, I think i'll hire some security. Someone pulls this nonsense, I snap my fingers and point at them, security staff swiftly drags them away and throws them out of the entire venue. Silence as I dead-eye everyone remaining at the event, daring them to pull anything else against the stipulated rules.
i had my two besties running interference on my dad at my reception. because that man is an AH malignant narcissist... he really has to be the center of attention.
Load More Replies...
I have an overbearing and mean mother. Please heed my words, people. If your partner has a toxic family but they are not willing to face or accept it, it WILL be a major problem. And it WILL lead to you being disrespected, and feeling completely powerless over how you are treated. It has taken a year of eating disorder treatment, therapy, and being exposed to what healthy relationships actually look like to accept that the way my mother treats myself and everyone around her is not acceptable and does not need to be tolerated. My fiancé and I communicate openly about my mother. And we ensure that the boundaries that we have in place with her are comfortable for BOTH of us. Yes, my mom’s behavior is the product of a life’s worth of trauma. And, that trauma cycle is stopping with me.
Good on you! Cycle-breakers are the bravest people! Solidarity!
Load More Replies... What is it with mothers and their sons? Old fashioned male comdedians used to tell mother-in-law jokes all the time, but reading online threads like this, 90% of the issues seem to be from women having to cope with MILs who can't let go of their sons. P.S. Have to admit I'd watch Les Dawson telling MIL jokes all day long. "The mother-in-law knocked on our door, I knew it was her because the mice were throwing themselves onto the traps".
The MILs have conditioned their sons over so many years that they know just how to manipulate them.
Load More Replies... Yeah. I think I would have done a lot worse than ignoring her. Thank goodness my mil is awesome (and has always lived in another state).
there're 2 aşśhõlès here: MIL and stupid husband. He needs backbone in addition to lopping off the apron strings. MIL needs...to go away. far away. permanently, if the couple hopes to make it.
Oh, they won't make it. The apron strings are too tight. Take it from someone with experience with S'mothers.... they always win. Don't bother even trying. I'm glad I'm getting older, because now my chances of finding a partner whose mother has passed are far better. Don't want to deal with it again.
Load More Replies...
At a wedding where I was MOH, the bride BEGGED me to not let the groom's mother get the microphone. I told the DJ. Sure enough, when the DJ was taking a bathroom break, she went for it and we all sat through 20 minutes about how the groom's brother had died as a baby 30 years ago and then we had to sing a hymn to him. Apparently she did this at any occasion there was a microphone, like other people's anniversaries, retirement parties, etc. I was going to go snatch the mic, but the groom said if I did that she'd fake a heart attack and make an even bigger fuss.
If there was a band, I would tell them to 'hit it' and/or I would have
Stood up and make my own speech about people not understanding boundaries
Load More Replies... 
Strong NTA. This doesn't seem like a one time thing, if your husband sides with her now, he'll probably side with her in all future arugemts.
I'd have stood up and asked the DJ to play the loudest most raucous song they had
Come on. She didn't even say anything she just ignoreed. How did ignoring say "don't you dare" she didn't object or burst and is blamed for humiliation
I hate weddings. I hate sitting there for hours during a huge ceremony and I hate awkwardly sitting while everyone has speeches about how they know them and how in love they are and blah blah. And I probably would have made it so there would be absolutely no time for speeches. I went to one wedding- it was less than 5 minutes long. Best wedding ever. No one cares about anything except cake
I know everyone is saying the bride is NTA. But it seems to me she's controlling. The Groom was upset because maybe he didn't care if there were speeches but knew the bride would throw a fit if she didn't get her way. Get out now groom, before it's to late.
Kudos to the bride. Anyone knowing the MIL, though, should have seen this coming and had a plan for how to react if she or anyone started a speech. That aside, how incredibly cruel it was for the MIL to intentionally cause this at her son's wedding. Boy, she clearly loves herself more than her son. My guess is she didn't want them to get married. My guess is also that the bride knew this? Maybe not. This was calculated. Of course, the MIL gives the speech under the guise of "I am doing this because I love my son"...and therefore anyone stopping her looks "mean." The son needs to recognize how incredibly manipulative she is and how she wants to torpedo the marriage. How does that make him feel? The son needs to be a man, cut the cord, and stand up for his wife. He needs to see his mom's acting out for what it is. She doesn't respect her son's autonomy in choosing a wife. She thinks she knows better than him and is willing to jeopardize his happiness to force her opinion. Wow. Narcisist
You know, you don't gave to invite your MIL to your divorce party
Most people are going to disagree with me here but the bride wasn’t the only person getting married that day. The groom was also getting married. Seems he went along with what she wanted and accepted her ruling about speeches but it was his wedding too. She says that his mother loves making speeches and her speeches are generally good. Why is it only the bride who gets to make rules about their wedding? There’s this thing called equality. Why would anyone be so petty as to let a 10 minute speech that they didn’t listen to as they were chatting to their friends cloud their entire future with the person they are supposed to love?
Apologize. But don't mean it. But next time you go out make sure if she's there plan a stupid long back winded speech the same snarky way she does and go on and on about 20 min. Then sit down an say let's eat. Ignore her after that. Maybe that will show her how annoying it can be to have to sit though someone you ask something of doing said thing against your wishes.
Don't understand this weddingspeech thing, but that might be because over here it is not a thing. On our wedding, I welcomed everyone very briefly. 'From my wife and me **BIG HAPPY SMILE** welcome. Thanks for your presence and the lovery gifts. Hope you enjoy the food and drinks, and please feel free to dance your a*s off'
I think I can speak for myself, my best woman and my MIL that all of us would gratefully have swerved the speeches if we could have, 3 introverts stumbling over their speeches.
Better file for divorce now instead of stealing the chances of meating your tru mate. This is NOT him. You know I'm right. Just because you love him, doesn't make him the right one for you. He is not developed and it is not your job to push his development.
You may be right, but it would be better if the groom had an awakening?
Load More Replies... Okk the bride is right but don't y guys think the mother should be allowed to make a speech and it's her son after all ..Article said she had no malice and the speech had humour.The wedding is about family as well who took care of y and are happy for y.The groom knows his mother longer than the bride and moreover the intention of the mother was not wrong. I am a girl btw
The MIL was wrong, but I don't see anyone speaking up for the fact that families have different traditions. We have a mother in our family who goes on and on every time one of her 9 kids gets married. We make fun of her behind her back, but we just have to put up with it because it's her "tradition."
My friend's MIL has a tradition of grabbing the mic at every event she attends (anniversaries, retirement parties, other people's weddings) and droning on about her baby who died 30 years ago, then making everyone sing a hymn to him. Yes, I understand that was a sad thing, and I'm sorry it happened to the family. But it doesn't need to come up at every freaking event she attends. If someone tries to stop her, she makes a bigger fuss, fakes a heart attack or something. Not all traditions need to be respected.
Load More Replies...
Seeing red over this? This bride needs to see a therapist cause she has mental issues.
I don't know where you got "it is my way or the highway" over someone setting a boundary at their own wedding. Seriously? What will lead to divorce is the fact that the husband did not stand by his wife, who is supposed to be #1, and is acting cold towards her. everyone has a right to put up boundaries and have expectations on how people will act towards them or regarding their wishes. If someone does not respect these wishes or boundaries, they need to deal with the consequences. If my MIL did that, I would have been livid.
Load More Replies... “So, I know the bride doesn’t want this, but I don’t actually care about her enough to show even a modicum of respect for her wishes even for a single day. Besides the world needs to know how I feel, and that’s far more important that building a relationship with DIL.” And then the groom “ you made my mommy sad, how dare you!”
F that lady, I'd have interrupted her right when she started, reminded her that No Speech also applies to her, and then given a toast to everyone on the table or something to soothen the mood.
Load More Replies... This marriage will be over before my garden dies for the winter.
Load More Replies... That would've been annulled the next day had my newlywed husband decided me ignoring his mother while she purposely disrespected my wishes was wrong on my part. They are both lucky all you did was ignore her and continue enjoying your night. I would have immediately stood up and exclaimed "Speeches are indeed forbidden...DJ play B!tch don't kill my vibe!!!!"
You obviously have self-respect and know your own worth
Load More Replies... The ESH responses are cracking me up. They're basically telling the bride to be polite to people who cross her well stated boundaries. And being polite for the sake of keeping peace is how you spend the next 20 years getting walked on. The real issue here is that the husband not only didn't back her but is pouting for 3 weeks? Wow. Also just as an aside I didn't realize not having wedding speeches was an option and were I ever by some unicorn blessed miracle to get married again I would love to skip them.
Talking through the speech is far less rude and disrespectful than MIL but what a jerk SO is being, three weeks of coolness?! He needs to mature because he is being a baby.
The marriage is not going to last. He's more in love with mummy than wife.
Load More Replies... I find it ironic that the husband said you disrespected the MIL but no mention how her actions disrespected his new wife. Welcome to a lifetime of not being the most important person to your husband.
I'm saying... divorce within six months. Who else wants to join the pool?
If I ever have a wedding, I think i'll hire some security. Someone pulls this nonsense, I snap my fingers and point at them, security staff swiftly drags them away and throws them out of the entire venue. Silence as I dead-eye everyone remaining at the event, daring them to pull anything else against the stipulated rules.
i had my two besties running interference on my dad at my reception. because that man is an AH malignant narcissist... he really has to be the center of attention.
Load More Replies... I have an overbearing and mean mother. Please heed my words, people. If your partner has a toxic family but they are not willing to face or accept it, it WILL be a major problem. And it WILL lead to you being disrespected, and feeling completely powerless over how you are treated. It has taken a year of eating disorder treatment, therapy, and being exposed to what healthy relationships actually look like to accept that the way my mother treats myself and everyone around her is not acceptable and does not need to be tolerated. My fiancé and I communicate openly about my mother. And we ensure that the boundaries that we have in place with her are comfortable for BOTH of us. Yes, my mom’s behavior is the product of a life’s worth of trauma. And, that trauma cycle is stopping with me.
Good on you! Cycle-breakers are the bravest people! Solidarity!
Load More Replies... What is it with mothers and their sons? Old fashioned male comdedians used to tell mother-in-law jokes all the time, but reading online threads like this, 90% of the issues seem to be from women having to cope with MILs who can't let go of their sons. P.S. Have to admit I'd watch Les Dawson telling MIL jokes all day long. "The mother-in-law knocked on our door, I knew it was her because the mice were throwing themselves onto the traps".
The MILs have conditioned their sons over so many years that they know just how to manipulate them.
Load More Replies... Yeah. I think I would have done a lot worse than ignoring her. Thank goodness my mil is awesome (and has always lived in another state).
there're 2 aşśhõlès here: MIL and stupid husband. He needs backbone in addition to lopping off the apron strings. MIL needs...to go away. far away. permanently, if the couple hopes to make it.
Oh, they won't make it. The apron strings are too tight. Take it from someone with experience with S'mothers.... they always win. Don't bother even trying. I'm glad I'm getting older, because now my chances of finding a partner whose mother has passed are far better. Don't want to deal with it again.
Load More Replies... At a wedding where I was MOH, the bride BEGGED me to not let the groom's mother get the microphone. I told the DJ. Sure enough, when the DJ was taking a bathroom break, she went for it and we all sat through 20 minutes about how the groom's brother had died as a baby 30 years ago and then we had to sing a hymn to him. Apparently she did this at any occasion there was a microphone, like other people's anniversaries, retirement parties, etc. I was going to go snatch the mic, but the groom said if I did that she'd fake a heart attack and make an even bigger fuss.
If there was a band, I would tell them to 'hit it' and/or I would have
Stood up and make my own speech about people not understanding boundaries
Load More Replies... Strong NTA. This doesn't seem like a one time thing, if your husband sides with her now, he'll probably side with her in all future arugemts.
I'd have stood up and asked the DJ to play the loudest most raucous song they had
Come on. She didn't even say anything she just ignoreed. How did ignoring say "don't you dare" she didn't object or burst and is blamed for humiliation
I hate weddings. I hate sitting there for hours during a huge ceremony and I hate awkwardly sitting while everyone has speeches about how they know them and how in love they are and blah blah. And I probably would have made it so there would be absolutely no time for speeches. I went to one wedding- it was less than 5 minutes long. Best wedding ever. No one cares about anything except cake
I know everyone is saying the bride is NTA. But it seems to me she's controlling. The Groom was upset because maybe he didn't care if there were speeches but knew the bride would throw a fit if she didn't get her way. Get out now groom, before it's to late.
Kudos to the bride. Anyone knowing the MIL, though, should have seen this coming and had a plan for how to react if she or anyone started a speech. That aside, how incredibly cruel it was for the MIL to intentionally cause this at her son's wedding. Boy, she clearly loves herself more than her son. My guess is she didn't want them to get married. My guess is also that the bride knew this? Maybe not. This was calculated. Of course, the MIL gives the speech under the guise of "I am doing this because I love my son"...and therefore anyone stopping her looks "mean." The son needs to recognize how incredibly manipulative she is and how she wants to torpedo the marriage. How does that make him feel? The son needs to be a man, cut the cord, and stand up for his wife. He needs to see his mom's acting out for what it is. She doesn't respect her son's autonomy in choosing a wife. She thinks she knows better than him and is willing to jeopardize his happiness to force her opinion. Wow. Narcisist
You know, you don't gave to invite your MIL to your divorce party
Most people are going to disagree with me here but the bride wasn’t the only person getting married that day. The groom was also getting married. Seems he went along with what she wanted and accepted her ruling about speeches but it was his wedding too. She says that his mother loves making speeches and her speeches are generally good. Why is it only the bride who gets to make rules about their wedding? There’s this thing called equality. Why would anyone be so petty as to let a 10 minute speech that they didn’t listen to as they were chatting to their friends cloud their entire future with the person they are supposed to love?
Apologize. But don't mean it. But next time you go out make sure if she's there plan a stupid long back winded speech the same snarky way she does and go on and on about 20 min. Then sit down an say let's eat. Ignore her after that. Maybe that will show her how annoying it can be to have to sit though someone you ask something of doing said thing against your wishes.
Don't understand this weddingspeech thing, but that might be because over here it is not a thing. On our wedding, I welcomed everyone very briefly. 'From my wife and me **BIG HAPPY SMILE** welcome. Thanks for your presence and the lovery gifts. Hope you enjoy the food and drinks, and please feel free to dance your a*s off'
I think I can speak for myself, my best woman and my MIL that all of us would gratefully have swerved the speeches if we could have, 3 introverts stumbling over their speeches.
Better file for divorce now instead of stealing the chances of meating your tru mate. This is NOT him. You know I'm right. Just because you love him, doesn't make him the right one for you. He is not developed and it is not your job to push his development.
You may be right, but it would be better if the groom had an awakening?
Load More Replies... Okk the bride is right but don't y guys think the mother should be allowed to make a speech and it's her son after all ..Article said she had no malice and the speech had humour.The wedding is about family as well who took care of y and are happy for y.The groom knows his mother longer than the bride and moreover the intention of the mother was not wrong. I am a girl btw
The MIL was wrong, but I don't see anyone speaking up for the fact that families have different traditions. We have a mother in our family who goes on and on every time one of her 9 kids gets married. We make fun of her behind her back, but we just have to put up with it because it's her "tradition."
My friend's MIL has a tradition of grabbing the mic at every event she attends (anniversaries, retirement parties, other people's weddings) and droning on about her baby who died 30 years ago, then making everyone sing a hymn to him. Yes, I understand that was a sad thing, and I'm sorry it happened to the family. But it doesn't need to come up at every freaking event she attends. If someone tries to stop her, she makes a bigger fuss, fakes a heart attack or something. Not all traditions need to be respected.
Load More Replies... Seeing red over this? This bride needs to see a therapist cause she has mental issues.
I don't know where you got "it is my way or the highway" over someone setting a boundary at their own wedding. Seriously? What will lead to divorce is the fact that the husband did not stand by his wife, who is supposed to be #1, and is acting cold towards her. everyone has a right to put up boundaries and have expectations on how people will act towards them or regarding their wishes. If someone does not respect these wishes or boundaries, they need to deal with the consequences. If my MIL did that, I would have been livid.
Load More Replies... 
53
64