Woman Rants Online As Friend Dubs Her A ‘Bad Host’ For Not Buying A ‘Guest Coffee Maker’
I do love coffee. I’ve had a horn-type coffee maker and a grinder at home for many years now, and I proudly consider myself a home barista. In fact, it’s damn great to start your day with a fragrant cup of an aromatic oily drink… wait, my task today is not to be a coffee evangelist—but to tell you another story.
The author of this story is user u/AITAcovfefe—as you can see from her username, she isn’t a coffee person at all, and neither is her husband. But the spouse has a friend whose girlfriend literally cannot imagine her morning without freshly brewed coffee. Almost like me… however, it’d never have occurred to me to behave like this lady.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post isn’t a coffee person at all, and neither is her husband or any of their relatives
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So, the woman simply sees no reason to buy a coffee maker just for the guests
Image credits: AITAcovfefe
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
About once a year, the husband’s old friend comes over, and his girlfriend is an avid coffee lover
Image credits: AITAcovfefe
Image credits: New Africa / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The guest wanted freshly brewed coffee badly, but the host told her that she could go to the local coffee shop
Image credits: AITAcovfefe
The situation repeated itself the following year—but this time, the guest simply told the author that she was a bad host
So, the Original Poster (OP), as I already said, doesn’t like coffee. Her relatives are not big fans of the drink either, but they still have a coffee maker at home. What if someone comes over? But in our heroine’s situation, everything is aggravated by the fact that she simply has no place to put a coffee maker in the kitchen—especially since she and her husband don’t use one.
About once a year, the husband’s bosom buddy comes to visit and stays with the couple for a few days. In recent years, he came with his girlfriend, who turned out to be an avid coffee fan. And when she found out that the author didn’t have a coffee maker at home, she was very upset that she wouldn’t have morning coffee, which she was used to.
Our heroine suggested going to the nearest coffee shop, which was two minutes away, and even offered to treat the guest at her own expense—but she refused. However, as it later turned out, while she was talking with other people, she complained about the OP, saying that she deprived her of her usual morning pleasure. Okay, that happens, too—the guests left, and the couple’s life returned to its usual coffee-free routine…
But a year passed—and the same guests came again. And the situation, as you probably guessed, repeated itself. Our heroine had absolutely no intention of buying a coffee maker for just a couple of days a year, and this time, the guest told her to her face that she was a bad host. And then, after the OP talked to her relatives, she began to have doubts—maybe it made sense to buy that ill-fated coffee maker, after all?
Image credits: taufiq muhammad / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“On the one hand, I can partly understand this guest because, as a barista and a big coffee lover myself, I can say that nothing compares to a cup of coffee in the morning—and for many people, coffee first thing after waking up is not so much about the drink, but about rituals,” says Vlad Ostrometsky, the administrator of the UNIT Cafe in Odessa, Ukraine, who Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
“On the other hand, if you value delicious coffee that much, then a two-minute trip to a good coffee shop will definitely provide you with a better cup of drink than the one made in a cheap home coffee maker. So here, as it seems to me, the question is not about the coffee itself, but about the desire to satisfy her own whims…”
“Some home coffee makers—for example, capsule ones—are capable of producing a drink of quite decent quality, but a good barista and a professional coffee machine in a coffee shop are in a completely different league. And, by and large, this woman’s idea made sense. Be that as it may, it’s her home and her own rules,” Vlad summarizes.
People in the comments are also sure that the OP was absolutely right—if the guests wanted freshly brewed coffee so much while visiting, who stopped them from taking a home coffee maker with them on the trip? Well, if they are such coffee gourmets, then a trip to a coffee shop seems like a really reasonable step. “Seems like an awful friend,” someone added. And do you, our dear readers, agree with this?
Most commenters supported the author, claiming that this was not about the coffee but mostly about the whims
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They were warned beforehand there was no coffee and didn't head the warning, she offered to take her to the coffee shop when she didn't have to, op did everything right and the guest still talk behind her back? That's just a bad guest, and i'm extrapolating but she's probably a bad friend in general
I have a hard time functionning without coffee, and I think op was great, guest was bad. Worst case scenario, I bring instant coffee with me. It's my responsibility. Because I'm a grown up. 🤷♀️
Load More Replies...Baffling. Whenever I would travel with my wife we would always take some half-drinkable instant coffee and a travel kettle (electric) with us. If these people are so bothered then why would they not make the effort to make sure they're properly equipped rather than just expecting someone else to accommodate their needs? . . . . This is a bit like an alcoholic expecting teetotal hosts to stock a full bar for them, or for non-smokers to supply cigarettes and ashtrays.
For those who don't like instant coffee: my husband and have travelled with a French press (hard plastic) for two cups and some ground coffee. A little messy to clean, but worth it to us.
Load More Replies...Guest was behaving like a toddler (with my apologies to actual toddlers).
I love good coffee in the morning, so I understand the guest's view. However, if I am visiting someone who doesn't drink coffee or has only instant, then I take my little french press and some ground coffee to make my own. I always offer for my host to try some too, but usually they decline. Rule #1 - you do not put your host out when you are not paying for your stay. That is how never to be invited back.
There are inexpensive washable coffee filters that fit over a mug that take little space, but they should bring their own ground coffee because you'd undoubtedly get the wrong kind to suit the little princess.
Rule 1 on this topic: If you're a guest, you eat / drink what's on offer, and do not complain. Rule 2 - if you know your host well and/or clear it with them in advance, you bring what you need with you. "When we stayed with them last time, they didn't have coffee. Ok, I'll check with them and see if I should bring my own."
I don't drink coffee so I don't have ways to make coffee either. I can buy a coffee maker and some coffee but I don't want to--I don't drink coffee! Any guest who wants coffee can go get their own. I think hosts should be hospitable, but hosts are not Genies to satisfy every whim of their guests. I think what Op offered (getting them coffee) is more than reasonable.
But it wasn’t reasonable to that pissy guest, so she can go without! And find somewhere else to stay (with someone else she can make miserable). Grrr.
Load More Replies...I would have kicked the female canine out if she spoke to me like that. Nobody NEEDS coffee BTW, it's simply a want.
Caffeine is actually addictive. But, like with any a*******n, it’s up to the d**g user to score their own stash.
Load More Replies...Howling, tears streaming. Thank God (generic omniscient deity) for you. I’m English but I don’t drink black tea. I have a French press, an espresso machine, drip coffee, even a Turkish coffee pot and, obviously, both a manual bean grinder and an electric grinder for when I can’t be bothered grinding by hand. Dad came over from the UK and got annoyed that I didn’t have tea. Got even more annoyed with me (that’s my fault how?) when he couldn’t pick out “normal tea” from the small grocery store around the corner. “Who the helľ calls normal tea ‘orange pekoe’?” We’ve negotiated a détente. He brings his favourite brand of English Breakfast teabags. I provide a kettle and the all important china cup/mug, because, “tea doesn’t taste right in anything but china.”
Lol! Your story reminds me of my youngest. She moved down to Sheffield from Glasgow and she asks me to bring down Scottish tea when we go to visit. She also asks for Tunnock's tea cakes and shortbread lol
Load More Replies...I try to be a good host. I don’t drink coffee, but have a small k-cup machine whatever it is tucked away if guests must have coffee. I’m a vegetarian but will either cater in or supply meat for carnivorous guests. I really try. I do not drink alcohol and don’t keep it in the house. I can’t drink. It doesn’t mix with my meds (for myeloma), For this reason, I’ve been called a bad host despite always being ready to treat guests to the booze of their choice at any local restaurant or pub. My point is, no matter how hard you try, you can’t please everybody. But there’s an up side to this— it lets me know who NOT TO INVITE BACK. So, it’s a win, after all.
Just Googled: a plastic, one-cup Melitta cone costs $12.99 and can be parked in the back of the cupboards when not in use (neater than a French press, IMO). I'm sure a larger one is about the same. That, plus compostable filters and a small package of grounds in the freezer, and your hostess anxieties are over. Or the travellers can bring this stuff with them.
I do not eat see-lawn-tro. I despise it. I will not buy it. Does that mean a guest can call me a bad hostess if there is no see-lawn-tro to put on her tacos? No, it does not. That coffee-dependent woman would never be a guest in my home again.
The guest could have brought their own Melita drip , and let it drip.coffee maker. It sits on a mug, you put the filter in, fill with ground coffee, pour boiling water in.
"What do you think this is - the Hilton?" OP offered to take entitled bee-otch to a coffee shop but B's too "good" to go to one. 😡
If you're that committed to your coffee bring your own gear. I'm pretty sure the host can scrounge up hot water.
That fact that going to get coffee 2 minutes away is not good enough is all you need to know about this entitled a*****e.
If you were vegetarian, would they expect a fridge full of meat? If you were recovering alcoholics, would they expect a stash of liquor for guests? They should really take a good look at their entitlement. Nobody should be expected to have cupboards full of random items in case someone might want them. Can't live without coffee, pop, wine, ketchup, mayo, fried snacks, etc. and you know you won't find them at friend's house because they never use them? Bring your own.
tell her to get a mini percolator and never come back to your house again
neither my partner or myself drink tea.... but we have a small pack of tea bags in our cupboard coz I feel it's nice to just be able to offer it to someone if they are a guest in our house
Even easier than the guests bringing a French press- they sell coffee in tea bags to make individual cups with just hot water.
A few teabags is one thing, expecting a constant supply of fresh beans (to be thrown away when stale?) and an appliance is something else altogether.
Load More Replies...I don’t drink coffee. My mom bought a one-cup coffee-maker at a yard sale years ago which stays at my house, and she just brings her coffee filters and ground coffee when she comes to visit. The one-cup coffee-maker takes up very little space, so I do find it hard to believe she doesn’t have room for something like that. It could even be stored in a closet somewhere. The guests could bring their own coffee, or the hosts could buy some before they come, and send it home with the guests afterwards, or give it away. Two bucks at a yard sale, a small amount of cupboard space above the stove where there’s lots of room, and my mom gets her coffee! But she did offer to take her guest to the coffee shop, and the guest refused so they have no right to complain!
this woman gets free lodging every time they visit, with what she saves in a hotel, she could give their host the coffee maker or get one of those portable ones. She is trying to make a stint and frankly should be not invited again.
Do folks not use coffee bags? I have a plunger for daily use but if I’m away from home I take coffee bags. A 10 pack usually. And because I get the strongest available I can get more than 1 cup out of a bag. 🙂
I don’t drink coffee & my husband has one occasionally in winter. If I buy a jar it usually goes stale 😆 My sisters know to bring their own, we provide the kettle & milk 😃
If you think your host is a bad host, you don't insult them - you just don't come back. I would have said to this coffee fiend, "I'm not a bad host because I don't have a coffee machine. But this residence is equipped with something I can help you with. It's called a door. Here, let me show you how to use it."
And there's me who does';t want to bother the host with requests. I would honestly end up drinking whatever they have available.
What if the coffee shop was a Starbucks? I'd decline too, their coffee tastes burnt, it has be burnt to stand up to various flavorings and excessive cream. I would pack my melita cone, some filters and grounds when visiting these hosts, that way I would only need boiling water.
Guests could travel with or buy coffee bags or disposable drip coffee packs. Lots of options. As a guest, I’d actually enjoy morning time at coffeehouse away from the host!!
I guess this is in the US? Because I’m so confused - you don’t need a coffee maker to make coffee?! It doesn’t even have to be the weird instant coffee. You guys don’t have ground coffee over there?
Buy some canned brewed coffee or freeze some. You may not have room for a coffee maker and coffee and filters and the who nine yards, but a small amount of actual coffee takes up very little room and doesn't clutter up the kitchen. We have friends who visit about once a year and that's our solution.
This isn't the 1950s tradwife world. If you are a GUEST in someone's home, they're under NO obligation to provide for your every "want". Your every "need", such as a working toilet, bathing facilities, a clean place to sleep, basic clean home, etc.? Yes. But a "want" like coffee? No. A person who is hosting friends does not need to provide even instant packets or a can of instant coffee. Friend's GF could have gone to the coffee shop or, if she didn't want to leave the house before she had her caffeine fix, she could have at LEAST requested that OP go and get whatever her preferred coffee was. I would personally still find that unacceptable (GF can WALK to the coffee shop herself if she wants coffee that badly) but she could have at least requested that OP retrieve the type of drink she preferred.
Load More Replies...Meh, Get one of those pour over single cup things. They take a bit of time to brew, but it is only like the size of a large coffee cup and it sits over the cup. Kind of a middle finger to the entitlement as you can say, "Yea, it is in the cupboard", then she will have to wait at least 1/2 hr watching it drip... Drip... Drip, all whilst you pop over to the coffee shop to get your Tea...
Why is the homeowner, who doesn't drink coffee ever, obligated to provide coffee makings? Even if OP gets a French press, OP would then have to keep fresh coffee on hand constantly (as it goes stale after a while.) If OP was a teetotaler or a recovering alcoholic and didn't keep alcohol in the house, would you be unable to "imagine" them not keeping alcoholic drinks for a guest? What if OP was a vegetarian or a vegan? Should they keep meat in their house constantly for the "rare out of town visitor"? What if OP was Muslim? Should they keep bacon in their home just in case a guest wants to eat bacon with breakfast? What an absolutely ludicrous mindset. If a person apparently "needs" to drink coffee or it ruins their entire day, THEY can pack a small French press in their luggage whenever they visit. I hear they're not much bigger than a drink tumbler.
Load More Replies...They were warned beforehand there was no coffee and didn't head the warning, she offered to take her to the coffee shop when she didn't have to, op did everything right and the guest still talk behind her back? That's just a bad guest, and i'm extrapolating but she's probably a bad friend in general
I have a hard time functionning without coffee, and I think op was great, guest was bad. Worst case scenario, I bring instant coffee with me. It's my responsibility. Because I'm a grown up. 🤷♀️
Load More Replies...Baffling. Whenever I would travel with my wife we would always take some half-drinkable instant coffee and a travel kettle (electric) with us. If these people are so bothered then why would they not make the effort to make sure they're properly equipped rather than just expecting someone else to accommodate their needs? . . . . This is a bit like an alcoholic expecting teetotal hosts to stock a full bar for them, or for non-smokers to supply cigarettes and ashtrays.
For those who don't like instant coffee: my husband and have travelled with a French press (hard plastic) for two cups and some ground coffee. A little messy to clean, but worth it to us.
Load More Replies...Guest was behaving like a toddler (with my apologies to actual toddlers).
I love good coffee in the morning, so I understand the guest's view. However, if I am visiting someone who doesn't drink coffee or has only instant, then I take my little french press and some ground coffee to make my own. I always offer for my host to try some too, but usually they decline. Rule #1 - you do not put your host out when you are not paying for your stay. That is how never to be invited back.
There are inexpensive washable coffee filters that fit over a mug that take little space, but they should bring their own ground coffee because you'd undoubtedly get the wrong kind to suit the little princess.
Rule 1 on this topic: If you're a guest, you eat / drink what's on offer, and do not complain. Rule 2 - if you know your host well and/or clear it with them in advance, you bring what you need with you. "When we stayed with them last time, they didn't have coffee. Ok, I'll check with them and see if I should bring my own."
I don't drink coffee so I don't have ways to make coffee either. I can buy a coffee maker and some coffee but I don't want to--I don't drink coffee! Any guest who wants coffee can go get their own. I think hosts should be hospitable, but hosts are not Genies to satisfy every whim of their guests. I think what Op offered (getting them coffee) is more than reasonable.
But it wasn’t reasonable to that pissy guest, so she can go without! And find somewhere else to stay (with someone else she can make miserable). Grrr.
Load More Replies...I would have kicked the female canine out if she spoke to me like that. Nobody NEEDS coffee BTW, it's simply a want.
Caffeine is actually addictive. But, like with any a*******n, it’s up to the d**g user to score their own stash.
Load More Replies...Howling, tears streaming. Thank God (generic omniscient deity) for you. I’m English but I don’t drink black tea. I have a French press, an espresso machine, drip coffee, even a Turkish coffee pot and, obviously, both a manual bean grinder and an electric grinder for when I can’t be bothered grinding by hand. Dad came over from the UK and got annoyed that I didn’t have tea. Got even more annoyed with me (that’s my fault how?) when he couldn’t pick out “normal tea” from the small grocery store around the corner. “Who the helľ calls normal tea ‘orange pekoe’?” We’ve negotiated a détente. He brings his favourite brand of English Breakfast teabags. I provide a kettle and the all important china cup/mug, because, “tea doesn’t taste right in anything but china.”
Lol! Your story reminds me of my youngest. She moved down to Sheffield from Glasgow and she asks me to bring down Scottish tea when we go to visit. She also asks for Tunnock's tea cakes and shortbread lol
Load More Replies...I try to be a good host. I don’t drink coffee, but have a small k-cup machine whatever it is tucked away if guests must have coffee. I’m a vegetarian but will either cater in or supply meat for carnivorous guests. I really try. I do not drink alcohol and don’t keep it in the house. I can’t drink. It doesn’t mix with my meds (for myeloma), For this reason, I’ve been called a bad host despite always being ready to treat guests to the booze of their choice at any local restaurant or pub. My point is, no matter how hard you try, you can’t please everybody. But there’s an up side to this— it lets me know who NOT TO INVITE BACK. So, it’s a win, after all.
Just Googled: a plastic, one-cup Melitta cone costs $12.99 and can be parked in the back of the cupboards when not in use (neater than a French press, IMO). I'm sure a larger one is about the same. That, plus compostable filters and a small package of grounds in the freezer, and your hostess anxieties are over. Or the travellers can bring this stuff with them.
I do not eat see-lawn-tro. I despise it. I will not buy it. Does that mean a guest can call me a bad hostess if there is no see-lawn-tro to put on her tacos? No, it does not. That coffee-dependent woman would never be a guest in my home again.
The guest could have brought their own Melita drip , and let it drip.coffee maker. It sits on a mug, you put the filter in, fill with ground coffee, pour boiling water in.
"What do you think this is - the Hilton?" OP offered to take entitled bee-otch to a coffee shop but B's too "good" to go to one. 😡
If you're that committed to your coffee bring your own gear. I'm pretty sure the host can scrounge up hot water.
That fact that going to get coffee 2 minutes away is not good enough is all you need to know about this entitled a*****e.
If you were vegetarian, would they expect a fridge full of meat? If you were recovering alcoholics, would they expect a stash of liquor for guests? They should really take a good look at their entitlement. Nobody should be expected to have cupboards full of random items in case someone might want them. Can't live without coffee, pop, wine, ketchup, mayo, fried snacks, etc. and you know you won't find them at friend's house because they never use them? Bring your own.
tell her to get a mini percolator and never come back to your house again
neither my partner or myself drink tea.... but we have a small pack of tea bags in our cupboard coz I feel it's nice to just be able to offer it to someone if they are a guest in our house
Even easier than the guests bringing a French press- they sell coffee in tea bags to make individual cups with just hot water.
A few teabags is one thing, expecting a constant supply of fresh beans (to be thrown away when stale?) and an appliance is something else altogether.
Load More Replies...I don’t drink coffee. My mom bought a one-cup coffee-maker at a yard sale years ago which stays at my house, and she just brings her coffee filters and ground coffee when she comes to visit. The one-cup coffee-maker takes up very little space, so I do find it hard to believe she doesn’t have room for something like that. It could even be stored in a closet somewhere. The guests could bring their own coffee, or the hosts could buy some before they come, and send it home with the guests afterwards, or give it away. Two bucks at a yard sale, a small amount of cupboard space above the stove where there’s lots of room, and my mom gets her coffee! But she did offer to take her guest to the coffee shop, and the guest refused so they have no right to complain!
this woman gets free lodging every time they visit, with what she saves in a hotel, she could give their host the coffee maker or get one of those portable ones. She is trying to make a stint and frankly should be not invited again.
Do folks not use coffee bags? I have a plunger for daily use but if I’m away from home I take coffee bags. A 10 pack usually. And because I get the strongest available I can get more than 1 cup out of a bag. 🙂
I don’t drink coffee & my husband has one occasionally in winter. If I buy a jar it usually goes stale 😆 My sisters know to bring their own, we provide the kettle & milk 😃
If you think your host is a bad host, you don't insult them - you just don't come back. I would have said to this coffee fiend, "I'm not a bad host because I don't have a coffee machine. But this residence is equipped with something I can help you with. It's called a door. Here, let me show you how to use it."
And there's me who does';t want to bother the host with requests. I would honestly end up drinking whatever they have available.
What if the coffee shop was a Starbucks? I'd decline too, their coffee tastes burnt, it has be burnt to stand up to various flavorings and excessive cream. I would pack my melita cone, some filters and grounds when visiting these hosts, that way I would only need boiling water.
Guests could travel with or buy coffee bags or disposable drip coffee packs. Lots of options. As a guest, I’d actually enjoy morning time at coffeehouse away from the host!!
I guess this is in the US? Because I’m so confused - you don’t need a coffee maker to make coffee?! It doesn’t even have to be the weird instant coffee. You guys don’t have ground coffee over there?
Buy some canned brewed coffee or freeze some. You may not have room for a coffee maker and coffee and filters and the who nine yards, but a small amount of actual coffee takes up very little room and doesn't clutter up the kitchen. We have friends who visit about once a year and that's our solution.
This isn't the 1950s tradwife world. If you are a GUEST in someone's home, they're under NO obligation to provide for your every "want". Your every "need", such as a working toilet, bathing facilities, a clean place to sleep, basic clean home, etc.? Yes. But a "want" like coffee? No. A person who is hosting friends does not need to provide even instant packets or a can of instant coffee. Friend's GF could have gone to the coffee shop or, if she didn't want to leave the house before she had her caffeine fix, she could have at LEAST requested that OP go and get whatever her preferred coffee was. I would personally still find that unacceptable (GF can WALK to the coffee shop herself if she wants coffee that badly) but she could have at least requested that OP retrieve the type of drink she preferred.
Load More Replies...Meh, Get one of those pour over single cup things. They take a bit of time to brew, but it is only like the size of a large coffee cup and it sits over the cup. Kind of a middle finger to the entitlement as you can say, "Yea, it is in the cupboard", then she will have to wait at least 1/2 hr watching it drip... Drip... Drip, all whilst you pop over to the coffee shop to get your Tea...
Why is the homeowner, who doesn't drink coffee ever, obligated to provide coffee makings? Even if OP gets a French press, OP would then have to keep fresh coffee on hand constantly (as it goes stale after a while.) If OP was a teetotaler or a recovering alcoholic and didn't keep alcohol in the house, would you be unable to "imagine" them not keeping alcoholic drinks for a guest? What if OP was a vegetarian or a vegan? Should they keep meat in their house constantly for the "rare out of town visitor"? What if OP was Muslim? Should they keep bacon in their home just in case a guest wants to eat bacon with breakfast? What an absolutely ludicrous mindset. If a person apparently "needs" to drink coffee or it ruins their entire day, THEY can pack a small French press in their luggage whenever they visit. I hear they're not much bigger than a drink tumbler.
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