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“Snooping In Private Areas For Her Mom”: Teen Crosses Every Boundary, Family Doesn’t Know What To Do
Children living with stepparents have become quite common in America. Research shows that around 30% of kids will live with a stepparent until they reach adulthood. Some find it easy, others may have a harder time, but one thing is for sure: the biological parent turning the child against the step family is never good.
When this mother turned her daughter into a spy, a step-uncle decided he didn’t want to babysit her anymore. While his brother-in-law argued that cutting her off like this didn’t solve the problem, the uncle saw more risks than positives. Still, he asked for advice about what to do online.
RELATED:
An 11-year-old became her mother’s spy in her father’s and stepmother’s house
Image credits: Pocstock / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The uncle was caught in the middle of the drama, but decided he didn’t want to babysit his sister’s kids anymore
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: timeimage / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Round-Werewolf3743
Image credits: Image-Source / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
The mother in this story seems to engage in parental alienation behaviors
Parental alienation, or when one parent manipulates and undermines the other, is more common than people might think. Advocacy group Alienated Parents estimates that about 13-15% of children of divorce experience parental alienation. A 2016 study found that 13.4% or more of parents say they have been alienated from at least one child.
Parental alienation has the potential to ruin the relationship between a parent and a child. What’s more, it can do irreparable damage to a child’s mental health. Kids often face confusion as they are made to believe they have to choose between two parents. They also might experience a lot of hurt from believing falsehoods about their parent.
The parent, in their own right, experiences helplessness and a lot of emotional turmoil as well. In extreme cases, they might even have to deal with grief, as the alienation may result in little to no contact with their child in the long run.
However, not all alienation techniques result in estrangement. Some strategies just drive a wedge between a parent and a child. Some researchers and experts still consider them serious family violence, as they are harmful for both the child and the alienated parent.
On the other hand, alienating behavior from a parent rarely occurs in a vacuum. Susan Heitler, a family psychologist with over 40 years of experience, says that something triggers the alienating parent to act this way.
“In most cases, the alienating parent is acting on feelings of hurt related to the divorce, which are not about the kids,” she explains. “Or that parent more than likely has an undiagnosed personality disorder that they’re inflicting onto other family members.”
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Sometimes courts rule in favor of the alienated parent, even granting them full custody of the child
Parental alienation is not recognized as a diagnosable mental health condition. That applies to both the mental health and legal fields. Both the courts and mental health experts agree that some parents may engage in parental alienation behavior post-divorce, but also emphasize that it’s hard to pinpoint it exactly.
The courts don’t see parental alienation as a crime or a form of violence against a child or family. Still, parents can and do report parental alienation behaviors to the judge if they impact custody arrangements.
The first thing parents should do is gather any evidence they have that alienating behaviors might be occurring. Conversations, photographs, videos, texts, and so on can be helpful in proving that a parent is trying to alienate their child from another parent.
It can be hard to prove that alienation is happening because there have been instances of false allegations. So, courts take such claims with a grain of salt. If they consider something suspicious, a judge might order assessments by a social worker, a psychiatrist, or a psychologist.
There have been cases in the past when judges ruled in favor of the alienated parent. In 2023, the Ontario Superior Court of Justice decided on a “blackout period” for the mother who was alienating her pre-teen daughter from her father. For four months, the girl lived with her father, attempting to repair their relationship.
In another case, the court reversed custody from the mother to the father, leaving her with weekly visits only. In both cases, the mothers accused the fathers of intimate and physical violence against the children, but the court didn’t find any evidence to back up these claims.
Apparently, the kid was being rewarded for snooping: “A Switch 2 for some of the photos she sent her mom”
Commenters sided with the uncle, urging him not to spend time alone with her until this all blows over
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What do you think ?
Powerful Katrinka 6 days ago (edited)
I worked for the DA’s office in Oakland, CA, and saw a man’s life get utterly destroyed in a very similar situation. The mother in this case coached her daughter in making false accusations of ongoing s****l a*****t, and the daughter was a good enough actress to pull it off. Unfortunately, the s****l crimes unit did a terrible job, and not only accepted the girl’s story, but coached her as well. The man was sentenced to 30 years in prison, and had to register as a s*x offender. The whole gruesome thing only came to light several years later, when the daughter recanted and provided proof of her mother’s complicity. But the man’s life was beyond repair by that point.
Crystalwitch60 6 days ago
That’s awful beyond belief,,this Abbie is gonna end up doing the same isn’t she 💔like someone else said all it takes is her to get normal child hood bruises ,while playing etc n game over for who ever she decides to target, even daddy ,it’s really horrifying that the mother could make her do this , n I for one as a step mother three times over would love to get my hands on that evil woman n teach her a lesson she will never forget ,n yup I ligit would trust me I only say what I mean and would do irl ! I can see it now a decade on a post on Reddit or here etc from someone in this girls life asking for help ,or even from the lass herself playing victim ,! Cos she will 10000%
Load More Replies...
Crystalwitch60 6 days ago
Let’s hope not , op sounds amazing they on it with therapy, happy to work with cps which is where she is now ,! As an optimistic person I think she will be ok ,well as ok as the poor kid can be with a mother like that ,
Load More Replies...
Paul C 6 days ago
My wife was explaining one of the fundamental differences between women and men recently, which I think is relevant here. She told me a girl/woman alone with a boy/man has to worry about what he might do, but a boy/man alone with alone with a girl/woman has to worry about what she might say he had done. I'd never thought of that, naively not understanding the risk to either side. In this case, the OP needs to be worried about what Abbie might be coached into saying, as she is being coached into doing wrong already.
Mark Stewart 6 days ago
I interviewed for a job that was to be a temp 6 month position in a high school 20 years ago and was told never to be in a room with a student if there were no other adults present, for my own protection as much as theirs. Didn't end up working there in the end but that was a pretty sobering thought that I hadn't even considered.
Load More Replies...
Deborah B 6 days ago
NTA. It sounds like the mom is really toxic, and looking for ways to alienate the child from her Dad, and disrupt custody. Coaching the kid to make accusations of a***e is a foreseeable escalation of this behaviour pattern. OP needs to be very careful. He's not this little girl's "fun uncle." His sister is her step-mother, but that does not make him her uncle, especially if she is disclaiming the relationship. Any attempt on his part to maintain a relationship with her could very easily be misrepresented as grooming. Right now, the best thing extended step-family can do is make sure they aren't around her without her father and step-mother present.
Bewitched One 1 day ago
It sounds like she wants to alienate her from the step family, she is fine with dad and his family according to OP. Sounds like mom is toxic AND jealous
Load More Replies...
Jeanette Pagnussat 5 days ago
A friend's brother 'inherited' a 16 year old stepdaughter through marriage. She accused him of molesting her which he strenuously denied. He lost his job, his marriage, his house, his friends, was ostracised by the community. When she recanted and admitted she'd made up the whole story because she was jealous her mum wasn't paying as much attention to her since she married. The accused was, in fact, a kindly gent towards her. Her admission of fabricating the whole story, and the dropping of all charges made no difference to the community he lived in. Mud sticks. He k****d himself. Be careful.
Janelle Collard 6 days ago
Absolutely OP is NTA. That kid could say OP SA'd her + he'd have to prove he didn't.
Crystalwitch60 1 week ago
That mother is vile ! and she’s setting Abbie up for a lifetime of victim hood! making false reports left right n center , cos she thinks it’s right to do so as mum told her ! nick needs to file for sole custody stat , citing mum is unfit to parent his child, citing all that ops said ,so nick can get Abbie the help she desperately needs before it escalates to a false accusation, of someone even nick himself in fact, she’s like one comment away from this ,the mother is certifiably insane ! Cruel unfit to parent ,100% ,op NTA but nick needs to wake the fk up fast n get this situation under control to save his child !
Bewitched One 1 day ago (edited)
My worry would be that IF he filed for sole custody, that’s when mom would have daughter start making those kinds of claims, either against dad or stepmother, in order to keep him from getting it
Load More Replies... Powerful Katrinka 6 days ago (edited)
I worked for the DA’s office in Oakland, CA, and saw a man’s life get utterly destroyed in a very similar situation. The mother in this case coached her daughter in making false accusations of ongoing s****l a*****t, and the daughter was a good enough actress to pull it off. Unfortunately, the s****l crimes unit did a terrible job, and not only accepted the girl’s story, but coached her as well. The man was sentenced to 30 years in prison, and had to register as a s*x offender. The whole gruesome thing only came to light several years later, when the daughter recanted and provided proof of her mother’s complicity. But the man’s life was beyond repair by that point.
Crystalwitch60 6 days ago
That’s awful beyond belief,,this Abbie is gonna end up doing the same isn’t she 💔like someone else said all it takes is her to get normal child hood bruises ,while playing etc n game over for who ever she decides to target, even daddy ,it’s really horrifying that the mother could make her do this , n I for one as a step mother three times over would love to get my hands on that evil woman n teach her a lesson she will never forget ,n yup I ligit would trust me I only say what I mean and would do irl ! I can see it now a decade on a post on Reddit or here etc from someone in this girls life asking for help ,or even from the lass herself playing victim ,! Cos she will 10000%
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 6 days ago
Let’s hope not , op sounds amazing they on it with therapy, happy to work with cps which is where she is now ,! As an optimistic person I think she will be ok ,well as ok as the poor kid can be with a mother like that ,
Load More Replies... Paul C 6 days ago
My wife was explaining one of the fundamental differences between women and men recently, which I think is relevant here. She told me a girl/woman alone with a boy/man has to worry about what he might do, but a boy/man alone with alone with a girl/woman has to worry about what she might say he had done. I'd never thought of that, naively not understanding the risk to either side. In this case, the OP needs to be worried about what Abbie might be coached into saying, as she is being coached into doing wrong already.
Mark Stewart 6 days ago
I interviewed for a job that was to be a temp 6 month position in a high school 20 years ago and was told never to be in a room with a student if there were no other adults present, for my own protection as much as theirs. Didn't end up working there in the end but that was a pretty sobering thought that I hadn't even considered.
Load More Replies... Deborah B 6 days ago
NTA. It sounds like the mom is really toxic, and looking for ways to alienate the child from her Dad, and disrupt custody. Coaching the kid to make accusations of a***e is a foreseeable escalation of this behaviour pattern. OP needs to be very careful. He's not this little girl's "fun uncle." His sister is her step-mother, but that does not make him her uncle, especially if she is disclaiming the relationship. Any attempt on his part to maintain a relationship with her could very easily be misrepresented as grooming. Right now, the best thing extended step-family can do is make sure they aren't around her without her father and step-mother present.
Bewitched One 1 day ago
It sounds like she wants to alienate her from the step family, she is fine with dad and his family according to OP. Sounds like mom is toxic AND jealous
Load More Replies... Jeanette Pagnussat 5 days ago
A friend's brother 'inherited' a 16 year old stepdaughter through marriage. She accused him of molesting her which he strenuously denied. He lost his job, his marriage, his house, his friends, was ostracised by the community. When she recanted and admitted she'd made up the whole story because she was jealous her mum wasn't paying as much attention to her since she married. The accused was, in fact, a kindly gent towards her. Her admission of fabricating the whole story, and the dropping of all charges made no difference to the community he lived in. Mud sticks. He k****d himself. Be careful.
Janelle Collard 6 days ago
Absolutely OP is NTA. That kid could say OP SA'd her + he'd have to prove he didn't.
Crystalwitch60 1 week ago
That mother is vile ! and she’s setting Abbie up for a lifetime of victim hood! making false reports left right n center , cos she thinks it’s right to do so as mum told her ! nick needs to file for sole custody stat , citing mum is unfit to parent his child, citing all that ops said ,so nick can get Abbie the help she desperately needs before it escalates to a false accusation, of someone even nick himself in fact, she’s like one comment away from this ,the mother is certifiably insane ! Cruel unfit to parent ,100% ,op NTA but nick needs to wake the fk up fast n get this situation under control to save his child !
Bewitched One 1 day ago (edited)
My worry would be that IF he filed for sole custody, that’s when mom would have daughter start making those kinds of claims, either against dad or stepmother, in order to keep him from getting it
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