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Guy Won’t Leave Younger Colleague Alone, She Suspects He Has Inappropriate Intentions
Interview With Expert
Some days, it is genuinely difficult being a woman in the workplace, and dealing with older male colleagues making advances is probably the worst. There’s always the fear of whether women will be believed, get justice, or lose their jobs over it.
Even this lady was caught in a conundrum after her older male colleagues’ constant inappropriate comments made her highly uncomfortable. However, she was afraid that since he was a permanent employee and she wasn’t, her report wouldn’t be taken seriously. Scroll down to find out what really happened at this workplace!
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
It can be difficult being a woman in the workplace when male colleagues try to make advances
Image credits: zinkevych / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster’s male colleague was 15 years older than her, yet he kept trying to ask her out multiple times
Image credits: Eli9
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Basically, he found every reason in the book to be close to or even interact with her, and she found it all very inappropriate
Image credits: Eli9
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The exasperated poster had tried everything to deter him, but unfortunately, nothing worked, and it frustrate her even more
Image credits: Eli9
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite all this, she couldn’t report him as he had been there for over a decade, while she was on contract
Image credits: Eli9
In fact, she was not even sure whether they would believe her report about him, so she vented online, seeking advice
In today’s story, the original poster (OP) tells us about the work drama she was caught in. There was a male colleague, 15 years older than her, whose inappropriate comments were getting to her head. He kept noticing small things about her, constantly complimented her, walked her to classrooms, watched her lessons—basically doing everything to be close to her.
He also made comments about her work, her personality, and even her appearance. Moreover, he had asked her out a couple of times, despite the fact that she had declined him. In fact, the poor woman had done everything within her power to deter him. From ignoring him to giving him disgusted looks, she had tried it all, but nothing seemed to work on him.
However, the saddest part was that despite all the creepy behavior, she still couldn’t report him. He had been with the organization for 12 years and was pretty well-liked. If she complained about him, it would mess up his work life. Besides, OP was a contract worker, while he was a permanent employee, so she wasn’t even sure whether she would be taken seriously.
After she vented her confusion online, a lot of folks suggested that she be blunt and tell him to his face that his behavior made her uncomfortable. Unfortunately, she clarified that there was the possibility that if she did that, he would go and report her for rude behavior. The truth is that the woman couldn’t afford to lose her job, so she was hesitating so much.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
To get a deeper understanding of the situation, Bored Panda got in touch with HR specialist Nicola Dias. She believes that it becomes a workplace issue once the attention is unwanted and doesn’t stop. “Even if each comment seems harmless on its own, the line is crossed when it keeps happening after someone has said no, gone quiet, or clearly isn’t engaging back,” she added.
She also explained that HR generally looks at impact more than intent. According to her, someone might not mean harm, but if the attention is unwelcome and persistent, it stops being harmless. At that point, it’s considered a workplace issue rather than just an awkward interaction, she added.
Our expert narrated that, “If a series of small incidents adds up to someone feeling uncomfortable, monitored, or anxious at work, that pattern carries more weight than any single moment. The key idea is that behaviour doesn’t have to be extreme to be problematic; repeated ‘minor’ actions can become inappropriate once they form a consistent pattern.”
Lastly, Nicola advised that the protection policy in a company for permanent as well as contractual workers has to be the same. Considering that fact, she believes that the poster should speak up and report him. After all, he is teaching in an organization that has young girls, so it’s important that his behavior be kept under check.
Don’t you agree? We would love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to jot them down in the comments below!
A lot of folks found the guy super creepy, and many suggested that she tell him to his face to back off
What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 2 hours ago
Don't get involved on stuff he's said to others, unless it's threatening or hate speech. If you want to report what's been said to you, go for it then fact that he waited months in between asking about going out, and isnt angry about things makes me think he's awkward and not dangerous. It doesn't seem like OP has confronted him about it and explained what her issue is, which is both unfair and won't help her case with HR Send an email have a record. If she says leave me alone and he stops, the problem is solved But don't go to HR about how he makes anyone else feel. The other coworkers can weigh up their own responses because they are adults. Why hasn't OP even asked them about it? The guy seems like he's not good socially, but don't go to HR without discussing things with the people involved even if it's text or email.
Andy 1 hour ago (edited)
I agree, some of the comments she mentioned sound less like someone being creepy, and more like they may have some sort of issues understanding social cues or norms. And much better idea to speak to him first, either it solves the issue, or if he is a creeper there is more HR can do if she has already told him what he is doing which makes her uncomfortable, and he is choosing to continue. Avoids the "it's just been a misunderstanding" excuse if he is a creeper
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 2 hours ago
Don't get involved on stuff he's said to others, unless it's threatening or hate speech. If you want to report what's been said to you, go for it then fact that he waited months in between asking about going out, and isnt angry about things makes me think he's awkward and not dangerous. It doesn't seem like OP has confronted him about it and explained what her issue is, which is both unfair and won't help her case with HR Send an email have a record. If she says leave me alone and he stops, the problem is solved But don't go to HR about how he makes anyone else feel. The other coworkers can weigh up their own responses because they are adults. Why hasn't OP even asked them about it? The guy seems like he's not good socially, but don't go to HR without discussing things with the people involved even if it's text or email.
Andy 1 hour ago (edited)
I agree, some of the comments she mentioned sound less like someone being creepy, and more like they may have some sort of issues understanding social cues or norms. And much better idea to speak to him first, either it solves the issue, or if he is a creeper there is more HR can do if she has already told him what he is doing which makes her uncomfortable, and he is choosing to continue. Avoids the "it's just been a misunderstanding" excuse if he is a creeper
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