“Am I The Jerk For Telling My Dad None Of Us Are Going To Help Him Raise A Baby At 50?”

Family dynamics can become complicated in an instant, especially when unexpected life changes occur. Even the closest relationships are tested when responsibilities collide with reality, and adults are faced with decisions they never anticipated.

And this is the position today’s Original Poster (OP) found herself when her father’s girlfriend got pregnant. Although, it wasn’t the most ideal situation, she was fine with it until her father came up with an unrealistic demand.

More info: Reddit

There’s a delicate line between helping family and being expected to sacrifice your entire life for someone else’s choices

Middle-aged dad holding newborn baby, smiling gently in a bright room with green plants in the background.

Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The author’s father revealed that the woman he was casually seeing is pregnant and plans to give him full custody of the baby

Text excerpt explaining 50-year-old dad’s surprise baby news and his grown kids refusing to help raise the baby.

Text on a plain background reading My youngest brother is in uni and barely has time to eat let alone take care of someone elses child.

Text excerpt about 50YO dad facing surprise baby news and expected to take full custody after the mother disappeared.

Man holding baby while working on laptop in kitchen, representing 50YO dad and surprise baby news story.

Image credits: pikisuperstar / Freepik (not the actual photo)

He began outlining a schedule where all her and her siblings are expected to rotate childcare duties, assuming they will drop their own responsibilities

Text on a white background stating a man has started talking about how everyone is going to help him with the baby.

Text excerpt about a 50-year-old dad planning baby care shifts as his kids refuse to help raise the baby.

Text discussing a 50-year-old dad surprised as his kids refuse to help raise his new baby, citing their own struggles.

Text excerpt about a 50-year-old dad upset as his kids refuse to help raise his surprise baby.

Middle-aged dad in a sweater receiving comfort at home, reflecting on surprise baby news and family challenges.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The author and her siblings, each with their own busy lives, pushed back respectfully, explaining they cannot take on full-time caregiving for the baby

Text excerpt from a discussion with a 50-year-old dad about his kids refusing to help raise his surprise baby.

Text excerpt discussing a 50-year-old dad’s surprise baby news and kids refusing to help raise it.

Text conversation about a 50-year-old dad surprised by his kids refusing to help raise his baby due to feeling owed.

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Their father became upset, calling them selfish and reminded them of the sacrifices he made for them

The OP shared that her father is in his early 50s and that her siblings were all in different stages of adulthood. She noted that she has two young kids, another sibling has a child of their own, one has relocated across the country for work, and the youngest is focused on finishing university.

Now, her father had been seeing a woman and it hadn’t been up to a year yet. However, she got pregnant and then disappeared, so his plan is to take full custody of the baby once it’s born. This was fine for the OP up until the point where the father began outlining how the OP and her siblings would help raise the child.

In fact, the OP noted that he wasn’t asking them but rather telling them about their details. Of course, they all push back, explaining that they simply don’t have the capacity to take on such a role, but it didn’t sit well with their father. He accused them of being selfish and reminded them that “family supports each other”.

He added that he had made so many sacrifices for them, and the OP acknowledged this. However, she insisted that it wasn’t the same thing because he couldn’t expect them to drop their own responsibilities to take care of his child. She assured him of their love for him, but this was his choice and he would have to take sole responsibility for the child.

Middle-aged dad comforting adult son on couch, reflecting shock and family conflict over surprise baby news.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Research shows that family dynamics like the one in this story are often shaped by deep emotional currents. According to Psychology Times, family obligations carry a strong emotional weight because of the sacrifices parents make while raising their children. Many adults internalize these sacrifices as a form of “emotional debt”, which can influence decisions well into adulthood.

Compounding this tension, the BBC notes that parents often underestimate the pressures modern adulthood imposes on their children. Economic challenges, demanding work schedules, and mental health pressures make today’s adult life markedly different from what past generations experienced.

Finally, in this case, Massive Science highlights the consequences of imposed or unwanted support. When assistance is forced rather than freely chosen, it can breed resentment instead of connection. Adults who feel pressured to help, especially with major responsibilities like childcare, may experience frustration and strain rather than bonding.

Netizens sided with the OP and her siblings, emphasizing that parental sacrifices don’t automatically create obligations. They also highlighted practical concerns, like the father’s plan being unrealistic and unfair. What do you think about this situation? Do you think the father is being selfish, or are the OP is being too rigid? We would love to know your thoughts!

Netizens questioned the legitimacy of the child being the father’s own, and suggested that the author exercise caution

Reddit conversation discussing a 50-year-old dad’s surprise baby news and kids refusing to help raise the child.

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Screenshot of a comment suggesting to hire a live-in nanny in response to a 50YO dad’s surprise baby news situation.

Comment discussing a 50-year-old dad surprised as his kids refuse to help raise his baby citing age and care concerns.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment suggesting a DNA test in response to surprise baby news from 50YO dad.

Comment from GingerWeegie444 discussing a dad’s surprise baby news and his kids refusing to help raise the child.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment suggesting a DNA test and open adoption regarding a dad's surprise baby news.

Commenter shares experience of being a baby in a family with age gaps and urges kindness to new baby and siblings.

Comment discussing a 50-year-old dad’s surprise baby news and kids refusing to help raise the child, citing age and responsibility.

Screenshot of an online comment reacting to a 50-year-old dad’s surprise baby news and his kids refusing to help raise the child.

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