Woman Upset Her Fiancé’s Daughter Refuses To Dye Her Hair So People Will Stop Telling Her How Much She Looks Like Her Mom
Having a beloved parent die is a pain that people carry in their hearts for the rest of their lives. It is especially traumatizing when it happens to children, as there was so much they could have experienced together but didn’t get a chance.
Nobody can truly replace a late mom or dad, but people have to move on with their lives, which may mean inviting a new person to the family. Children may be resistant and may not be able to stand the thought that a stranger could become their new mom or dad, but this didn’t happen with Reddit user AITA9906. She actually gave her dad permission to marry that woman, but his fiancée showed her true colors right before the wedding.
More info: Reddit
Teen confided in her dad about a weird request his fiancée made and now the wedding is on pause, making her feel guilty for causing trouble
Image credits: Eddy Van 3000 (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 16-year-old who lost her mother 8 years ago. As she describes herself, she is the carbon copy of her mother: she has the same hair, the same eyes and she can achieve the same face shape with the right makeup.
After her mother’s death, the teen became very close with her father and considers him to be a great parent and a person who she can trust. It seems that the family was happy before the tragedy because the OP saw how much her dad loved her mom and how he suffered after losing her.
The OP is a 16 Y.O. who lost her mom when she was 8 and now her dad is about to marry his girlfriend of 3 years
Image credits: u/AITA9906
The dad must have been young when he lost his wife, so naturally, he got into a new relationship. He has been with his current girlfriend for 3 years and their wedding is coming up. The daughter is happy for her dad and when he approached her with the idea that he might want to marry again, she didn’t try to stop him.
Apparently, the girlfriend is a nice person and the teen gets along with her well, even though she admits that this woman won’t be her mom. However, there were a few moments when the two of them weren’t on the best terms.
The teen doesn’t oppose the wedding and quite likes the woman, but at the same time, doesn’t consider it a big event in her life
Image credits: u/AITA9906
Turns out that the dad came to his daughter first with the idea of marrying the woman, and that didn’t sit well with the girlfriend because she wanted to be asked first and then discuss the matter with the OP.
The woman was also disappointed that her stepdaughter didn’t want to get involved in the wedding party because it’s not really that big of a deal for her. Instead, she will be looking after her uncle’s kids and will give a small speech about the couple.
Although the two of them get along, it seems that the fiancée has a problem with the daughter being too similar to her mom
Image credits: u/AITA9906
After that, there weren’t any incidents worth mentioning, but recently, after the family went shopping, a comment the dad’s mom made stuck with the fiancée and she couldn’t let it go.
The girl’s grandmother remarked how similar the daughter is to her mother when she tried on an olive green dress as her mom loved the color because it complemented her ginger hair.
A few days after this shopping trip, the fiancée came to OP’s room and asked if she could dye her hair or wear a wig for the wedding day. It’s a weird thing to ask, but the teen didn’t want to know the reasons and just refused.
She asked the OP to dye her hair or wear a wig for the wedding as she didn’t want to hear about how she looks like her mom on her big day
Image credits: u/AITA9906
The fiancée tried again and explained that she didn’t want everyone telling the OP she looked like her mother on the wedding day. At this point, the teen wanted the woman out of her room and reassured her that there was no way to change her mind.
It was the first time the woman had showed animosity towards the man’s late wife and she had even complimented the teen on her hair before, so it seemed to come out of nowhere. It caused concern to the OP, so she told her dad about the weird request.
The girl refused and then told her dad about what happened, which resulted in a conflict that made him postpone the wedding
Image credits: Hair Spies (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/AITA9906
The dad told his daughter that “there’s no way [she’s dyeing [her] hair for the wedding unless that’s what [she] wants.” The daughter confirmed that she actually doesn’t want to do that and promised to talk to his fiancée about it.
The couple got in a pretty big fight and the wedding is now postponed. Outrageously, the fiancée’s family is blaming the teen for causing troubles and not compromising for just one day.
The OP feels guilty everything turned out the way it did because she didn’t mean to get rid of her dad’s new girlfriend or anything. She went to her dad because she finds it difficult to communicate her view to the woman, because the 16-year-old is often seen as a brat when she disagrees with something.
The fiancée’s family blames the teen for causing trouble but at least her dad doesn’t even think of forcing his daughter make any changes to her looks
Image credits: u/AITA9906
Image credits: Randall Sansom ( not the actual image)
In the teen’s mind, it may seem that she caused trouble and that she ruined a relationship, especially when the woman’s family blames her, but for redditors, it was clear as day that the teen did the right thing and actually, they admired the dad too for discussing such matters as marrying a new woman with his daughter first.
People thought that it was very inappropriate for the woman to ask a child for such a thing and the way she looks is her personal matter that nobody can boss her around about. Such behavior indicated that the fiancée was jealous, insecure and immature.
Do you feel that the fiancée’s behavior could be justified, or do you think that this is what she really is like and the impression of a nice person was just an act? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments were quite exasperated at the fiancée’s request and hoped that OP’s dad will end up not marrying that woman
Where do brides get the gall to tell people to make such drastic and semi-permanent changes to their appearance? A wedding is not just the bride's day. It's a marriage of 2 families coming together. Not a celebration of just a day for the bride to be the centre of attention.
This is too big of a red flag and I hope her father doesn't marry that woman. She has been mistreating the child of a man she plans on marrying. She is merely 16 and they have been together since she was 13. For a grown woman to be jealous and mistreating her before she's even the woman of the house is outrageous. Imagine after they got married and had their own children. I can already foresee her always being left out, not being allowed to buy new things, and having to give up her room, events, and hobbies because it doesn't please her. My mother once told me she never remarried because she could never guarantee that her instincts are fail-proof and she would never be able to forgive herself if he had harmed me. I would like to think all parents think the same, not even to give up a second marriage but enough to give up a bad relationship and wait until someone who treats their child as their own.
Exactly what I was going to say, too. She's been playing the long game, betting that the daughter will either be out of the house soon, or can be used for free babysitting. But she is 100% planning on squeezing this man's first daughter out, and replacing her with an all-new, all-her family, and she fully expected that, as so often happens, Dad would be oblivious to it. I am so glad he's not.
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My nephew came out to the family and he didn't have the best time of it. His grandma, parents and brother were pretty awful. His Aunt, my hubs and I were big Allies to him. SIL's SO had a major issue with this and became horrible to the nephew. She didn't even bat an eye, told her long time partner to hit the road. NEVER have I been so impressed with someone as I was with her right then. I still think the world of her for that.
Is this an opportunity for malicious compliance? What about a brightly colored spiked mohawk over an all white pant suit? Sorry folks, being petty is in my nature.
The fiance is in competition with a dead woman. She decided to marry a man with a child, there should be no shock that the child looks like her mother. She has a decision to make either realize what a turd she is for making that request or move on to a man with no children. As for the father he's trying to protect his daughter, good on him.
I hope the dad backed out of that one. She's just waiting for the ring, and then she will gut the house of anything that might remind him and his daughter of his first wife.
Just imagine she had agreed and on the wedding day people keep asking her why she changed her hair so dramatically? And she tells them the reason...so much more trouble for the bride than just accepting a few people mentioning the girl's mother.
I'll bet Second Wifey would then make disparaging comments to her own friends and family that the daughter did it "for attention" or something. Insecure people like this manage to suck on multiple levels, given the chance.
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Hmm - strange how the girlfriend had no animosity to the OP's mother's memory, or to OP's hair.... until she got a ring on her finger and became "fiancée". Weird...... NOT. Biting her tongue and biding her time until she figured she had herself set, then she let her true colors show.
NTA. The OP and her father have a very close relationship so it's understandable that she told him about the fiance's request. There are two things that I hate about stories like this: 1) When they start crying and 2) When they tell other people not involved to get them to be against the OP.
Obviously NTA but I do think that maybe the bride has heard so much about her fiances wife that it just struck a nerve in her which is not right she should talk to her fiance about it and a therapist to work through it if she wants to marry him. ( sorry if that doesn't make sense)
She is jealous of you. Simple as that(no explanation why..probably she is unsafe for many reasons and we don't care because SHE is the adult ) and I really want to tell you that you are soooo brave regarding your age.
NTA AND she should have just worn an awful, obviously fake and attention catching wig and when asked “what’s up w the wig?” she could just explain that the bride didn’t want her to look like her dead mom today. SHRUG
It can be very disconcerting to discover someone in your life is a complete nutter. The dad dodged a bullet.
That bride has been hiding how she feels about the daughter all this time to make sure the father marries her: I'd bet my life once married, she would start demanding changes from the daughter and try to get rid of the daughter as fast as possible. Red flags all around. Bridezilla thought she had him hooked into the wedding and he would accede to all her demands, she overplayed her hand, lol.
She should have seen it coming when the father considered his daughter's feelings about remarrying and put his daughter's feelings above his own. I hope everybody has a dad like that. So many people rush into these toxic environments with the mindset that it'll work itself out. Sometimes it just doesn't.
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OP is NTA. So glad she stood her ground! The dad's gf's family have absolutely no right to say anything to OP. Is this how they behave with family members? Sounds like straight-up harassment.
I'm happy she won't colour it, but definitely has the opportunity to wear a bright sparkly tinsle wig! Lol
GF is clearly jealous and insecure of late wife, and wants to be the center of her BFs attention. There is going to be drama, because GF's going to be trying to edge the daughter out - not just because she looks like her mum, but because her dad puts her first, instead of GF. She needs to do some work, and maybe the couple should do some therapy before they get married.
She's NTA in the refusal to dye her hair. But I feel like ESH. I see why dad discussed the proposal with OP before asking, but I also see where the fiancé is a bit put off by OP knowing in advance(unless op was a big part of ring purchase & proposal, but I didn't get that). The fiancé probably is put off by the fact that OP is not interested in any of the wedding prep/festivities, which sounds super stand off-ish to me. You don't have to have a mother/daughter relationship with her to have a personal relationship. That could have been a bonding experience for them, but she never gave it an opportunity. The fiancé has the right to feel threatened by the OP obviously resembling her mother (someone she probably feels inferior to) at the wedding, but should have KEPT THAT TO HERSELF. She had no right to put that insecurity onto OP. Dad was right & the only non AH of the bunch. Sounds like NO ONE is ready for this marriage without some family counseling.
If a new partner has a child, no matter the age, you are getting a package and you need to deal with it or move on. The adult has to be the bigger person and build it slowly, realising that you'll never replace the parent.
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Thanks BP for ANOTHER AITA - You all know you can go to reddit and read these yourselves?
Where do brides get the gall to tell people to make such drastic and semi-permanent changes to their appearance? A wedding is not just the bride's day. It's a marriage of 2 families coming together. Not a celebration of just a day for the bride to be the centre of attention.
This is too big of a red flag and I hope her father doesn't marry that woman. She has been mistreating the child of a man she plans on marrying. She is merely 16 and they have been together since she was 13. For a grown woman to be jealous and mistreating her before she's even the woman of the house is outrageous. Imagine after they got married and had their own children. I can already foresee her always being left out, not being allowed to buy new things, and having to give up her room, events, and hobbies because it doesn't please her. My mother once told me she never remarried because she could never guarantee that her instincts are fail-proof and she would never be able to forgive herself if he had harmed me. I would like to think all parents think the same, not even to give up a second marriage but enough to give up a bad relationship and wait until someone who treats their child as their own.
Exactly what I was going to say, too. She's been playing the long game, betting that the daughter will either be out of the house soon, or can be used for free babysitting. But she is 100% planning on squeezing this man's first daughter out, and replacing her with an all-new, all-her family, and she fully expected that, as so often happens, Dad would be oblivious to it. I am so glad he's not.
Load More Replies... My nephew came out to the family and he didn't have the best time of it. His grandma, parents and brother were pretty awful. His Aunt, my hubs and I were big Allies to him. SIL's SO had a major issue with this and became horrible to the nephew. She didn't even bat an eye, told her long time partner to hit the road. NEVER have I been so impressed with someone as I was with her right then. I still think the world of her for that.
Is this an opportunity for malicious compliance? What about a brightly colored spiked mohawk over an all white pant suit? Sorry folks, being petty is in my nature.
The fiance is in competition with a dead woman. She decided to marry a man with a child, there should be no shock that the child looks like her mother. She has a decision to make either realize what a turd she is for making that request or move on to a man with no children. As for the father he's trying to protect his daughter, good on him.
I hope the dad backed out of that one. She's just waiting for the ring, and then she will gut the house of anything that might remind him and his daughter of his first wife.
Just imagine she had agreed and on the wedding day people keep asking her why she changed her hair so dramatically? And she tells them the reason...so much more trouble for the bride than just accepting a few people mentioning the girl's mother.
I'll bet Second Wifey would then make disparaging comments to her own friends and family that the daughter did it "for attention" or something. Insecure people like this manage to suck on multiple levels, given the chance.
Load More Replies... Hmm - strange how the girlfriend had no animosity to the OP's mother's memory, or to OP's hair.... until she got a ring on her finger and became "fiancée". Weird...... NOT. Biting her tongue and biding her time until she figured she had herself set, then she let her true colors show.
NTA. The OP and her father have a very close relationship so it's understandable that she told him about the fiance's request. There are two things that I hate about stories like this: 1) When they start crying and 2) When they tell other people not involved to get them to be against the OP.
Obviously NTA but I do think that maybe the bride has heard so much about her fiances wife that it just struck a nerve in her which is not right she should talk to her fiance about it and a therapist to work through it if she wants to marry him. ( sorry if that doesn't make sense)
She is jealous of you. Simple as that(no explanation why..probably she is unsafe for many reasons and we don't care because SHE is the adult ) and I really want to tell you that you are soooo brave regarding your age.
NTA AND she should have just worn an awful, obviously fake and attention catching wig and when asked “what’s up w the wig?” she could just explain that the bride didn’t want her to look like her dead mom today. SHRUG
It can be very disconcerting to discover someone in your life is a complete nutter. The dad dodged a bullet.
That bride has been hiding how she feels about the daughter all this time to make sure the father marries her: I'd bet my life once married, she would start demanding changes from the daughter and try to get rid of the daughter as fast as possible. Red flags all around. Bridezilla thought she had him hooked into the wedding and he would accede to all her demands, she overplayed her hand, lol.
She should have seen it coming when the father considered his daughter's feelings about remarrying and put his daughter's feelings above his own. I hope everybody has a dad like that. So many people rush into these toxic environments with the mindset that it'll work itself out. Sometimes it just doesn't.
Load More Replies... OP is NTA. So glad she stood her ground! The dad's gf's family have absolutely no right to say anything to OP. Is this how they behave with family members? Sounds like straight-up harassment.
I'm happy she won't colour it, but definitely has the opportunity to wear a bright sparkly tinsle wig! Lol
GF is clearly jealous and insecure of late wife, and wants to be the center of her BFs attention. There is going to be drama, because GF's going to be trying to edge the daughter out - not just because she looks like her mum, but because her dad puts her first, instead of GF. She needs to do some work, and maybe the couple should do some therapy before they get married.
She's NTA in the refusal to dye her hair. But I feel like ESH. I see why dad discussed the proposal with OP before asking, but I also see where the fiancé is a bit put off by OP knowing in advance(unless op was a big part of ring purchase & proposal, but I didn't get that). The fiancé probably is put off by the fact that OP is not interested in any of the wedding prep/festivities, which sounds super stand off-ish to me. You don't have to have a mother/daughter relationship with her to have a personal relationship. That could have been a bonding experience for them, but she never gave it an opportunity. The fiancé has the right to feel threatened by the OP obviously resembling her mother (someone she probably feels inferior to) at the wedding, but should have KEPT THAT TO HERSELF. She had no right to put that insecurity onto OP. Dad was right & the only non AH of the bunch. Sounds like NO ONE is ready for this marriage without some family counseling.
If a new partner has a child, no matter the age, you are getting a package and you need to deal with it or move on. The adult has to be the bigger person and build it slowly, realising that you'll never replace the parent.
Load More Replies... Thanks BP for ANOTHER AITA - You all know you can go to reddit and read these yourselves?
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