Deaf Man’s Girlfriend Helps Translate Rude Comments He Can’t Hear, He Cuts Off Friend And His Wife

We can always improve our communication with others, especially when it comes to people different from us. We often feel uncertain or intimidated when conversing with someone who isn’t like us, as it can be hard to understand how to accommodate their needs without having walked in their shoes. But with a little compassion, curiosity, and education, we can change our behavior to be more inclusive rather than unpleasant or insensitive. 

Unfortunately, this woman didn’t put any effort into communicating with her husband’s best friend, who happened to be Deaf. Once, she even managed to exclude him from dinner because she thought he was being ‘so quiet.’ This embarrassed and offended the friend so much that he considered cutting ties with the couple. 

Scroll down to read the full story and conversation with Deaf and hard-of-hearing empowerment coach and author Kellina Powell, Deafblind ASL teacher and disability advocate Tracy Stine, and Deaf Plus advocate Jeremy Smith, who kindly agreed to tell us more about the etiquette we should stick to when communicating with deaf people.

Many of us need to improve our communication, especially with people different from us

Young man wearing plaid shirt sitting quietly with head resting on hand, representing a silent deaf man in a thoughtful moment

Image credits: Aakash Malik (not the actual photo)

But especially this woman, who managed to embarrass her husband’s deaf friend so much that he considered cutting ties with them

Text post about relationship issues involving best friend's wife, focusing on being quiet and overlooked by a deaf man.

Text about a deaf man relying on his girlfriend to write down audio call remarks for context clues.

Text about a deaf man unnoticed for being quiet, his girlfriend explaining lip reading is easier than yelling.

Text excerpt from a story about a deaf man explaining his ability to read lips and frustrations with miscommunication.

Text excerpt showing a woman telling a deaf man she forgot he was there because he’s so quiet during a game night.

Woman in yellow sweater expressing surprise and frustration, illustrating a moment with a deaf man who is very quiet.

Image credits: kues1 (not the actual photo)

Text post sharing a personal experience about being deaf and feeling embarrassed during a social dinner moment.

Text describing a woman telling a deaf man she forgot he was there since he’s so quiet, and he finally speaks up.

Text excerpt showing a quiet man explaining why he has been ignored after a misunderstanding about his silence.

Text about making fun of the deaf and hard of hearing community with a person asking if they are wrong for acting sensitive.

Deaf man quietly listening as woman talks about friendship and moving forward in a heartfelt conversation.

Image credits: [deleted]

The majority (59%) don’t feel confident communicating with someone who is Deaf

As the most recent research and this story show, the majority of people (59%) don’t feel confident communicating with someone who is Deaf or is hard of hearing. 1 in 10 even said that they would actively avoid communicating with someone who is Deaf or hard of hearing altogether. 

This is mostly due to the fact that hearing individuals don’t have much experience with Deaf or hard-of-hearing persons and don’t know how to communicate with them. 

“Most people have little experience speaking with someone who is Deaf. People worry about saying the wrong thing or not being understood. Some assume communication will be too difficult. They are unsure of how to start or what to do. Some fear making mistakes or appearing rude. Others hold false beliefs that Deaf people cannot communicate. These doubts lead to hesitation and discomfort,” says Deaf and hard-of-hearing empowerment coach and author Kellina Powell.

“Many hearing individuals experience discomfort not because Deaf people are difficult to communicate with, but because of unfamiliarity, assumptions, and lack of exposure,” Deafblind ASL teacher and disability advocate Tracy Stine agrees. “Most of it stems from internal bias or misinformation and stereotypes portrayed by the media through the years.”

But not knowing how to communicate with Deaf people, or not being perfect at it, shouldn’t deter people from trying, as their efforts are greatly appreciated by the Deaf and hard-of-hearing community, says Deaf Plus advocate Jeremy Smith. Something that can help us to be more confident in our communication with the Deaf and hard-of-hearing community is a little awareness and education, starting with what should be avoided when conversing with them.

“Keep eye contact and treat them with equal respect”

“Do not shout, because it does not make communication clearer. Avoid covering your mouth or looking away, since this blocks lip-reading. Never assume someone else should speak on their behalf. Saying “never mind” can feel dismissive and hurtful. Over-exaggerating your speech only makes it harder to understand,” Powell explains. 

“Don’t grab or shout—use respectful visual cues like a wave or tap on the shoulder. Don’t use outdated terms—say ‘Deaf’ or ‘Hard of Hearing.’ Hearing-impaired is outdated and even offensive to many. Don’t give up—be patient, flexible, and open to writing or gestures. Don’t say ‘Never mind’ or ‘I’ll tell you later,’” Stine additionally advises. 

To improve our communication with the Deaf and hard-of-hearing community even more, Smith suggests that hearing individuals can write on paper or use the phone to text to communicate. “There are apps that will transcribe spoken language. Plus, I always encourage them to learn sign language. There are many online resources and apps to learn sign language.”

“Be patient and allow extra time if needed. Ask what method of communication works best for them. Keep eye contact and treat them with equal respect,” Powell adds.

“Deafness is not a weakness, but simply another way of experiencing the world. Many deaf people use different methods like sign language, speech, or text to connect. The most important thing is not perfection but effort. A willingness to communicate shows respect and inclusion. Don’t be afraid to learn a new language like ASL,” she concludes.

Commenters seem to side with the original poster

Reddit conversation about a woman telling a deaf man she forgot he was there because he’s so quiet before he cuts her off.

Screenshot of a Reddit conversation about a woman forgetting a deaf man is present since he’s quiet, and him finally responding.

Reddit discussion criticizing a woman for telling a deaf man he was ignored because he was so quiet.

Online conversation showing a woman’s comment about forgetting a deaf man was present due to his quietness before he finally speaks up.

Reddit comments discussing a woman telling a deaf man he is quiet and his reaction cutting her off.

Reddit comment discussing communication challenges between a woman and a deaf man labeled as quiet and ignored.

Screenshot of an online comment exchange where a user discusses a woman telling a deaf man he is quiet.

Reddit comments discussing a woman telling a deaf man he is so quiet she forgot he was there.

Comment thread discussing a woman’s rude behavior toward a deaf man and challenges in educating her.

Screenshot of a Reddit conversation discussing cutting off a friend for siding with a rude woman in a quiet deaf man situation.

Commenter shares advice on interacting with deaf people, emphasizing turning off voice and using full ASL communication.

Comment about a deaf man being quiet and the impact of insensitive remarks from a woman who forgot he was there.

Text conversation discussing a woman telling a deaf man he is quiet, leading to a cutting off moment.

Comment text on a white background saying some people are amazingly ignorant with 17 points and 1 month ago details.

Comment from deaf man sharing experiences about being quiet and advice for handling conversations with others.

Comment on social media post expressing frustration about ableism and defending a friend's wife in a blunt tone.

Text conversation discussing an ablist woman ignoring a deaf man and the impact on friendships and communication.

Reddit comment sharing a Maya Angelou quote about recognizing true character and not wasting time on unworthy people.

Comment text on a white background reading I already hate this person, you sound awesome though, referencing a deaf man being quiet.

Comment on Reddit discussing a rude and disrespectful interaction involving a woman and a deaf man.

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