We all act like the bad guys sometimes. Doing something wrong or saying something hurtful. However, in many of those times, at the height of the conflict, we tend to ignore the question, “Are we in the right here?” If you don’t have that inner voice asking you the questions, internet users are here to help you. From immature adults to moms and stepdaughters drama, the internet is ready to give NTA or YTA labels to anyone.
The “AITA” subreddit saw a lot of stories come and leave. There, people raise the question, “Am I the A**hole?” and tell the main details of their story. One theme that garners a lot of attention surrounds stepparenting. As entertainment media shows, a lot of conflict arises when moms and stepdaughters meet. It might be entertaining to us, but to others—a real-life problem.
One day, user Sharp_Candy_513 posted a delicate situation on the subreddit. She’s pregnant and wanted to use one of the rooms for the upcoming baby. Reason for the A-word dilemma? Her stepdaughter occupies the room—a perfect mix for a disastrous stepdaughter and mom story.
However, don’t go posting your judgments just yet. We have taken a look at this uncomfortable mom and stepdaughter story in-depth. Suppose you are seeking meaningful professional stepparenting advice—we have you covered. In that case, we have an interview or two you can use. So, stick to the end to get the whole story and form your opinion.
What Are the Struggles of Being a Stepparent?
Stepparents must navigate the relationship waters carefully so as not to upset the children involved. However, they also have to set out clear boundaries. If looking from the surface—yes. It is her and her husband’s living space. They are having a baby together, and it’s only natural to wish to have a baby room. So, in this stepdaughter and mom situation—the case is solved. Right?
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Why Do Adult Children Not Move Out?
The pandemic played an important role in parental relationships. Around 3 million US young adults returned to their parent’s or grandparents’ houses during the pandemic. The main reason being the rising rent and costs of living. So, it’s no wonder the stepdaughter didn’t accept the offer to move out.
What to Do When a Child Doesn’t Want to Leave a Parent?
Bored Panda reached out to Robert Taibbi, who argued that the parents were too focused on their needs and not the child’s. “What motivates others are their goals, their problems – not yours,” Taibbi said, emphasizing the importance of letting them know that you’re there for them at every step. “Talk about moving out, what support you might provide — help find a place, help with moving, offer furniture, help pay for rent, etc.”
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Sharp_Candy_513
How do Children Moving Out Benefit the Parents?
Let’s say the child doesn’t move out but lives with the parents. Let’s say the child doesn’t have a job to add more fire to the case. According to the Plansponsor report, 35% of parents with adult children living with them gave up a portion of their savings. More shockingly, 26% of parents can’t pay off their loans. In this case, the economy plays a direct role in parental relationships.
“Children moving out can be a source of relief, worry, or sense of loss,” Taibbi says, “For couples who were child-centered and had their couple relationship wither over the years, this can be a time of challenge, the child is no longer the glue holding them together. This is where couples may argue more or more likely drift into parallel lives. Good time to work on the relationship, seek some form of counseling.”
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
What Step-Parents Should Not Do?
It’s easy to side with the mother. However, the cons, which are almost out of our control, state something else. Besides the economy being on the loom of depression, user Sharp_Candy_513 is a stepmother. This relationship between stepdaughter and mom should not revolve around moving out.
Stepparenting ends when a blood-related parent steps in. Thus, a step-parent, first and foremost, should understand the boundaries of the family. To make the case even more confusing, the stepparent is only a few years older than the person they are attacking.
Image credits: Ömürden Cengiz (not the actual photo)
Does Moving Out Help Relationships with Parents?
One of the most important stepparenting advice you can get is this—when your children are adults, treat them as such. “While the child sees himself as an adult, it’s easy for the parents to still slip into old, more micromanaging parenting roles. The child needs space and privacy,” Taibbi says. However, children should take responsibility, clean up after themselves, and keep semi-active contact with their parents.
Image credits: Vantha Thang (not the actual photo)
What is an Unhealthy Parent Relationship?
In a step relationship, tensions stop the formation of close bonds and sometimes cause unforeseen consequences. According to the Reddit users (and the final label verdict), the mother acted wrongly. Despite the presented arguments, most Reddit users gave Sharp_Candy_513 the infamous YTA label.
However, some supported the mother and shifted the blame onto the father.
Although, Sharp_Candy_513 did see some agreement in the comments. Some of the comments pointed out the stepdaughter as the problem. Commenters agreed that the stepdaughter acted like a little child, not an adult.
Step parents should not be making unilateral decisions about the other person's child.
I raised my stepkids sincethey were 0, 3, and 4. Unilateral decisions have nothing to do with being a step or not. If there are two parents involved, both should be communicating with each other. She is TA because they talked and she didn't like the answer so she decided to continue it anyway. If you reverse it: If they all agreed she would move out the dad decided she could stay without talking to his wife, that would be equally uncool. (Tired of stepparents being treated as less than when some of us we put in more work than "real" parents)
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Why is my husband's daughter still living here, asks step-mum who is in the age range to be the daughter's older sister.
Your comment made me chuckle!! I wish the stepmom would have mentioned dads age so I wouldn't have to assume he is an older man !
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Oh, total YTA. Kids cannot afford to live these days. It also seems to be difficult for OP too, since she and her older hubby can't afford a three bedroom apartment. My 24 lives with me because he was drowning in rent on a one bedroom and utilities. No, he is not an "avacado toast" person. My other two (23 & 21) live with their dad in another state. They cannot afford a place of their own either. It makes good economical since for kids to live with their parents.
My 23 and 20 yr olds still live at home. They both work. But there is no way they can afford their own places. We looked into it, looked into them being roommates with one another, still expensive. Neither one is too excited at the prospect of other roommates. But in the end it just seemed silly for them to scrape by paying rent and living with roommates when they don't have to. Our house is big enough. They pay their own bills. We don't charge them anything to live here so they're able to save money. Why put them through an unnecessary expense? If they had rent, they'd keep very little of their paychecks.
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I wasn't able to afford to move out of my mother's home until I was 28, and then health issues forced me to move back in with her a year later. Didn't move out again until I was 31. My landlord has never raised my rent, but the cost of rentals in my area has skyrocketed over the last couple years. If for some reason I could no longer live in my apartment, I would probably have to move in with one of my parents again. I have nightmares about this at least twice a week.
So move into a bigger apartment and have daughter cover some of the cost. That way the siblings can bound, family stays together and everyone should be happy
This is a c**p option because it means the parents are stuck with a place they cannot afford if the stepdaughter decides she's ready to move out. Which, given her age, could easily be in a year or two. You're suggesting they make a 20-30 year commitment they can't afford for a bandaid situation of a couple years.
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Maybe the three of them should sit down together and look at budgets. It's entirely possible that there are no rental situations step-daughter can afford, even with two months rent help. More than half of adults her age are still living with parents for just that reason. This doesn't mean she has to live with them rent-free though, she could probrably contribute something to rent and bills. If they look at their combined housing budget, maybe between them they can afford the rent on a three-bedroom?
I think looking at budgets and prices should have been made before even discussing it with the step-daughter. I mean come to her with options not a "Well we better get this figured out cause you only got a month" or however long
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I'm 28 and still live with my parents because the housing market sucks and we need to pool our finances just to have a house. OP needs a serious reality check, as do those who tried to say NTA.
Find it a bit tacky that everyone is eager to attack the age difference (which seriously has nothing to do with the situation) rather than just the obliviousness of the stepmom (who is certainly the a** here).
The dad could realistically be 42-43, which wouldn't be too crazy for someone that age to have a 23 year old child. Then the age difference between stepmom and dad also wouldn't be too crazy.
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There's not enough info here. If this is the US.. then like... I'm on daughters side cause you can't afford s**t. However... why can't step daughter pay rent & you guys move into a bigger place.
You can't afford s**t anywhere . We have veterans living in tents. And now this stepmom wants her 23yrs old to move out. Might as well pitch her a tent in the backyard. Assuming there is a back yard 😫
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Wow. She shouldn't have gotten knocked up knowing there was no room for Baby.
YTA. People like you help feed the notion of the "wicked stepmother." Seriously, have you even TRIED to analyze the costs involved in just moving out, not to mention moving into a new place? The stress of packing up one's belongings (no doubt she'd have to do it alone) is overwhelming. Add to that finding a reputable moving service (not everything can be transported in a U-Haul), taking a day off from work, and paying 1st and last month's rent plus a security deposit, setting up gas and electric services, and initiating the change of address for any creditors. It's a witch's brew for a migraine. Imagine if your marriage went south and YOU had to move out, with an infant. How well would YOU fair? If you want to keep things on an even keel, BACK OFF.
To answer the original question: "AITA for asking step- daughter to move out?" NTA. It's a valid request and she gave you a valid reason why she couldn't. You became TA when you kept pushing it after the fact.
Something similar like this happened to me and my father and I were almost went NC because of it...I am actually almost in tears reading this because basically (maybe not step mom's intent) the daughter is no longer family or important to her father anymore. I worked 2 jobs (one full time) and I could not find a roommate, but I was reminded daily that I was not really a part of that family anymore.
I dated a man and his step-mom said to me, "His dad has a new family now." I friggin hated her.
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Considering I'm from Italy, where the average age of moving out our parents' house is 30, I might be a little biased but... I think it's not unreasonable for the stepdaughter to stay at home for now. As many said, there's a housing problem and it's not that easy to find trustworthy roommates to live with. So they can postpone her moving out for a while. She didn't even give birth so there's no rush, and the baby can sleep with the parents at least for a year. It's more convenient anyway, who wants to get up and go to another room several times at night to feed him/her? That being said it's not unreasonable to think that the stepdaughter will eventually need to move out, unless she's willing to share her room with a toddler at the age of 24-25... Another solution would be put together the three incomes (dad, stepmom and stepdaughter) and find a three-bedroom house that can host everyone. Otherwise I really don't see any other solution.
My sister is forty and lives with our parents. She has epilepsy and can't live on her own because of the seizures. As for the step daughter, the price of anything has gone up exponentially and having a full time job doesn't always pay for rent anymore. The OP should have thought about the amount of space they had before she decided to get pregnant. Her lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on her step daughter's part. She should have thought about the size of the house before she started trying to push her step daughter out. The baby can sleep in their parents room for the first few months and that would probably be easier.
YTA and the Dad is AH You have made it quite clear that the baby is more important than the stepdaughter. Asking your husband to ask his daughter to move out is sh$tty move on your part. You need to suck it up buttercup and deal with the limited space. If you both create a child now figure it out and stop making the stepdaughter odd man out. Unfortunately since you started this off with wanting her to move out it will become worse for her over time once the baby arrives. Can't wait to see what else you have up your sleeve once the baby is born to make it clear to everyone this is your family and that is "his" daughter and she is the "stepdaughter ".
??? That's the dynamic they wanted though? She isn't real.mom and gets no say with stepdaughter--theyve made that very clear. So wth would she put her child before this adult who doesn't want her?
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A baby does not need its own room. If you have that many supplies, you're doing it wrong. A crib can fit almost anywhere, and would be used for the first few years anyway.
YTA 2 months isn't nearly enough. you have to win big in the lottery to have a comfortable life without having to worry about your next meal in this economy
I was 23 when I got my first apartment that I paid for myself. My parents helped up until then bc I was in college. Granted this was way back in 2008 and a one bedroom apartment cost me $450 a month. Crazy how much things have increased since then
I moved out with my boyfriend, no way I could afford a place of my own in my twenties living in Ca.
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Father's and OPs ages are irrelevant. Step daughter age is only relevant as to being over 21. Is she paying rent?Maybe this is where they start. Start charging her rent, but put it into a savings account. This can be used to either move all of them into a three bedroom when the baby is older and needs their own room, or can be given back to stepdaughter when she is ready to move out.
Step mom is not an a*****e because 1) HER HUSBAND AGREED. Why is everyone forgetting that? He 100% agreed having his oldest move out was a reasonable ask. 2) husband made a massive, unilateral decision which majorly impacts her life behind her back. So quid pro quo, her having a private conversation is not an overstep. He lost the courtesy of her including him in every step when he did this. 3) she is allowed to talk to people. It is ridiculous that we are saying she cannot have a one on one conversation with a fellow adult who lives with her. And 4) neither husband nor stepdaughter have actually attempted to find a resolution or solution after dropping their decision. It's not over. It needs to be talked about. Where are they going to put the baby? Are the going to renovate the house? What are daughter's long term plans? How will they handle childcare? If stepdaughter isn't paying rent, will she need to provide babysitting? They need to talk about this, not shout at OP to shut up and then go hide in theirs rooms.
I suspect this is far more about husband and daughter rebelling against the new power dynamics. For her marriage, the OP has been the young stepmom, the "not real" mom who has to sit back, play nice, and stay in last priority. Kids first! means that stepdaughter got priority, and her dad could use that to make decisions which overrode his wife's wishes. But now, OP is having a baby. OP is now "REAL mom". She is full and equal parent on even footing with her husband now. A baby's needs take precedence over a 23 year old with a full time job adult's. OP is now the one with the power, per se. They simply haven't adjusted yet. Dad still thinks he can make unilateral decisions about the household behind her back since it's for his (oldest) child, and stepdaughter thinks her needs and wants are first because that's her norm she doesn't want to give up. But nope, not anymore. Husband must now coparent equally and adult stepdaughter is now second.
She could just put a cot in their bedroom for the first little while. But I bet this new mom is going to put the baby in the step-daughter's room so the nightly crying and a step-mom bursting in without knocking will drive her out. Seems that's where this is headed. Not going to get into other details. I do find it weird she didn't mention her husband's age. But I also find it equally strange that mentioning age is relevant. Going by experience with this, I do know it's strongly expected to add it in on Reddit and it's often used against the OP, no matter the issue. People get hung up on age gaps and maturity level, that may or may not have to do with the person's in question age. That's one of the reasons I stopped going to reddit for anything.
You're the c**t in this situation. Rent is astronomical, and you're obviously so out of touch it's not funny. This issue isn't hers to bear....you're the one getting knocked up in a home without adequate living arrangements. How typical for someone to make a decision and expect others to take the responsibility for it. YOU changed the plans that were working, NOT her.
This is just sh!t communication and planning on OP and her husband's part. The yes, no, back and forth. Not even discussing if her step-daughter could afford to move out before basically giving her an untimatum with a move out date already prearranged. Not discussing this when they initially got pregnant. Two months is not enough time in this economy to save, hunt down an apartment and a potential roommate; 9 months is thou! I will say the daughter can't be that blindsided. She knew her step-mom was pregnant. She can't be looking forward to sharing a 2 bedroom apartment with a newborn. Living in a small apartment with your parent/step-parent as an adult isn't ideal at the best of times (can't have lots; if, any friends over. No parties. Can't bring an intamite partner home, etc.) A baby and all the accompanied stuff taking up every available space will probably drive her to find a way to move out on her own pretty quickly, TBH.
I just had a baby, and I told my 15yo and 11yo they are old enough to fend for themselves and that I need the space for the new baby since I can't afford a bigger house. Yeah, sounds ridiculous when I put an 11yo and 15yo in place of a 23yo, doesn't it? That's because babies don't necessarily need an entire room. That's just farther to walk anyway. Grow up and stop being a tyrant.
I think I'm misunderstanding your comment so I'm let me ask. Who needs to grow up and stop being a tyrant ?
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Definitely the AH. Cost of living is crazy high. You're kicking the daughter to the curb for this new baby. Both you and the father sound like disgusting people (we'll gloss over the fact that you're only 10 years older than his daughter). She's likely making minimum wage or maybe a pinch more. Thats not going to cover rent. Here's an idea, plan ahead before getting pregnant. Put up a curtain in your bedroom and enjoy sharing your room with the baby. Thats the only reasonable solution to this issue. Dont force this girl into a roommate situation, you don't know who she will end up rooming with or if they are responsible. I dont blame anyone for jumping all over you. Sounds like you were very short sighted and selfish.
Just charge her rent. Expect her to also contribute to food, utilities, cable, cell phone plan, and chores. You know, like an adult. Eventually she'll figure out if she's going to be paying for it, it's time to move out. All those calling you TA, and "do you know how expensive it is..." Yes, we adults do, we had our own places at 20, and had to have 3 roommates, and eat Ramon noodles all the time, keep our crappy car running etc. we had not choice but to opt out of HS internet, Iphones, and often, heat. Look, there is nothing wrong with adult child living with parents when it makes sense for all involved. circumstances have changed, time to grow up.
The way I figure it, keep the baby in the bedroom with the parents for a couple of weeks or however long it takes for the father to get tired of it and tell his daughter that she'll have to share her room with the baby, which then will make the daughter start looking into apartment roommates.
Unpopular NTA - I’m stepdaughter with 13 y. younger halfsister. I was renting since I was 19 (with my parents helping financially for a few years). I had flatmates or roommates until I was able to rent small studio apartment with my now husband. And I didn't suffer. It's normal - your parents help as long as they can and in the meantime you need to learn how to deal with the world by yourself. I'm milenial, I know economy, it's not easy. So what? She is expecting her father to pay for her until one of them is dead? 23 and full time job is perfect moment to pay for your room. I would say the same if they were both her biological parents with or without a newborn. That said - they should help financially for a longer time. Pay for part of the room but for a year or so, so she have a time to think what next and learn all necessary adult skills.
Glad your situation worked out for you where your parents put you in a position to help you for a few years and not two months. Not the case for many!
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How about daughter sharing her room with her future step sister or brother? Baby could stay in a bassinet for the first few months.
Baby bassinet can stay in the room with the parents. I get the whole idea of wanting a nursery for the baby but not at the expensive of the daughter regardless of her age.
Load More Replies... LOL, I moved out of my home at 17 and was financially independent from that time forward. The idea of a 23 year old refusing to move out is just mind-boggling to me. I get that real estate is more expensive now, but she's had YEARS to save up - and yes, you can always move into a share situation which is going to be way cheaper than getting a place on your own (that's what I did from ages 21 to 33 in NYC). I swear, the audacity...
Just because you were financially stable at that age, it doesn't mean that always the case. I'm 32 and still living at home. Even in my twenties with a full time job, I couldn't have supported myself. Even my savings wouldn't last long, but I'm using that to buy a new car when my 20 year one finally dies. I guess that's not something you think about in NYC.
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Willing to help her financially for two months but sure that will be easier said than done because babies are expensive! Do you have children? Or did your parents put you out once you became of age? Just curious 🤔
Load More Replies... Step parents should not be making unilateral decisions about the other person's child.
I raised my stepkids sincethey were 0, 3, and 4. Unilateral decisions have nothing to do with being a step or not. If there are two parents involved, both should be communicating with each other. She is TA because they talked and she didn't like the answer so she decided to continue it anyway. If you reverse it: If they all agreed she would move out the dad decided she could stay without talking to his wife, that would be equally uncool. (Tired of stepparents being treated as less than when some of us we put in more work than "real" parents)
Load More Replies... Why is my husband's daughter still living here, asks step-mum who is in the age range to be the daughter's older sister.
Your comment made me chuckle!! I wish the stepmom would have mentioned dads age so I wouldn't have to assume he is an older man !
Load More Replies... Oh, total YTA. Kids cannot afford to live these days. It also seems to be difficult for OP too, since she and her older hubby can't afford a three bedroom apartment. My 24 lives with me because he was drowning in rent on a one bedroom and utilities. No, he is not an "avacado toast" person. My other two (23 & 21) live with their dad in another state. They cannot afford a place of their own either. It makes good economical since for kids to live with their parents.
My 23 and 20 yr olds still live at home. They both work. But there is no way they can afford their own places. We looked into it, looked into them being roommates with one another, still expensive. Neither one is too excited at the prospect of other roommates. But in the end it just seemed silly for them to scrape by paying rent and living with roommates when they don't have to. Our house is big enough. They pay their own bills. We don't charge them anything to live here so they're able to save money. Why put them through an unnecessary expense? If they had rent, they'd keep very little of their paychecks.
Load More Replies... I wasn't able to afford to move out of my mother's home until I was 28, and then health issues forced me to move back in with her a year later. Didn't move out again until I was 31. My landlord has never raised my rent, but the cost of rentals in my area has skyrocketed over the last couple years. If for some reason I could no longer live in my apartment, I would probably have to move in with one of my parents again. I have nightmares about this at least twice a week.
So move into a bigger apartment and have daughter cover some of the cost. That way the siblings can bound, family stays together and everyone should be happy
This is a c**p option because it means the parents are stuck with a place they cannot afford if the stepdaughter decides she's ready to move out. Which, given her age, could easily be in a year or two. You're suggesting they make a 20-30 year commitment they can't afford for a bandaid situation of a couple years.
Load More Replies... Maybe the three of them should sit down together and look at budgets. It's entirely possible that there are no rental situations step-daughter can afford, even with two months rent help. More than half of adults her age are still living with parents for just that reason. This doesn't mean she has to live with them rent-free though, she could probrably contribute something to rent and bills. If they look at their combined housing budget, maybe between them they can afford the rent on a three-bedroom?
I think looking at budgets and prices should have been made before even discussing it with the step-daughter. I mean come to her with options not a "Well we better get this figured out cause you only got a month" or however long
Load More Replies... I'm 28 and still live with my parents because the housing market sucks and we need to pool our finances just to have a house. OP needs a serious reality check, as do those who tried to say NTA.
Find it a bit tacky that everyone is eager to attack the age difference (which seriously has nothing to do with the situation) rather than just the obliviousness of the stepmom (who is certainly the a** here).
The dad could realistically be 42-43, which wouldn't be too crazy for someone that age to have a 23 year old child. Then the age difference between stepmom and dad also wouldn't be too crazy.
Load More Replies... There's not enough info here. If this is the US.. then like... I'm on daughters side cause you can't afford s**t. However... why can't step daughter pay rent & you guys move into a bigger place.
You can't afford s**t anywhere . We have veterans living in tents. And now this stepmom wants her 23yrs old to move out. Might as well pitch her a tent in the backyard. Assuming there is a back yard 😫
Load More Replies... Wow. She shouldn't have gotten knocked up knowing there was no room for Baby.
YTA. People like you help feed the notion of the "wicked stepmother." Seriously, have you even TRIED to analyze the costs involved in just moving out, not to mention moving into a new place? The stress of packing up one's belongings (no doubt she'd have to do it alone) is overwhelming. Add to that finding a reputable moving service (not everything can be transported in a U-Haul), taking a day off from work, and paying 1st and last month's rent plus a security deposit, setting up gas and electric services, and initiating the change of address for any creditors. It's a witch's brew for a migraine. Imagine if your marriage went south and YOU had to move out, with an infant. How well would YOU fair? If you want to keep things on an even keel, BACK OFF.
To answer the original question: "AITA for asking step- daughter to move out?" NTA. It's a valid request and she gave you a valid reason why she couldn't. You became TA when you kept pushing it after the fact.
Something similar like this happened to me and my father and I were almost went NC because of it...I am actually almost in tears reading this because basically (maybe not step mom's intent) the daughter is no longer family or important to her father anymore. I worked 2 jobs (one full time) and I could not find a roommate, but I was reminded daily that I was not really a part of that family anymore.
I dated a man and his step-mom said to me, "His dad has a new family now." I friggin hated her.
Load More Replies... Considering I'm from Italy, where the average age of moving out our parents' house is 30, I might be a little biased but... I think it's not unreasonable for the stepdaughter to stay at home for now. As many said, there's a housing problem and it's not that easy to find trustworthy roommates to live with. So they can postpone her moving out for a while. She didn't even give birth so there's no rush, and the baby can sleep with the parents at least for a year. It's more convenient anyway, who wants to get up and go to another room several times at night to feed him/her? That being said it's not unreasonable to think that the stepdaughter will eventually need to move out, unless she's willing to share her room with a toddler at the age of 24-25... Another solution would be put together the three incomes (dad, stepmom and stepdaughter) and find a three-bedroom house that can host everyone. Otherwise I really don't see any other solution.
My sister is forty and lives with our parents. She has epilepsy and can't live on her own because of the seizures. As for the step daughter, the price of anything has gone up exponentially and having a full time job doesn't always pay for rent anymore. The OP should have thought about the amount of space they had before she decided to get pregnant. Her lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on her step daughter's part. She should have thought about the size of the house before she started trying to push her step daughter out. The baby can sleep in their parents room for the first few months and that would probably be easier.
YTA and the Dad is AH You have made it quite clear that the baby is more important than the stepdaughter. Asking your husband to ask his daughter to move out is sh$tty move on your part. You need to suck it up buttercup and deal with the limited space. If you both create a child now figure it out and stop making the stepdaughter odd man out. Unfortunately since you started this off with wanting her to move out it will become worse for her over time once the baby arrives. Can't wait to see what else you have up your sleeve once the baby is born to make it clear to everyone this is your family and that is "his" daughter and she is the "stepdaughter ".
??? That's the dynamic they wanted though? She isn't real.mom and gets no say with stepdaughter--theyve made that very clear. So wth would she put her child before this adult who doesn't want her?
Load More Replies... A baby does not need its own room. If you have that many supplies, you're doing it wrong. A crib can fit almost anywhere, and would be used for the first few years anyway.
YTA 2 months isn't nearly enough. you have to win big in the lottery to have a comfortable life without having to worry about your next meal in this economy
I was 23 when I got my first apartment that I paid for myself. My parents helped up until then bc I was in college. Granted this was way back in 2008 and a one bedroom apartment cost me $450 a month. Crazy how much things have increased since then
I moved out with my boyfriend, no way I could afford a place of my own in my twenties living in Ca.
Load More Replies... Father's and OPs ages are irrelevant. Step daughter age is only relevant as to being over 21. Is she paying rent?Maybe this is where they start. Start charging her rent, but put it into a savings account. This can be used to either move all of them into a three bedroom when the baby is older and needs their own room, or can be given back to stepdaughter when she is ready to move out.
Step mom is not an a*****e because 1) HER HUSBAND AGREED. Why is everyone forgetting that? He 100% agreed having his oldest move out was a reasonable ask. 2) husband made a massive, unilateral decision which majorly impacts her life behind her back. So quid pro quo, her having a private conversation is not an overstep. He lost the courtesy of her including him in every step when he did this. 3) she is allowed to talk to people. It is ridiculous that we are saying she cannot have a one on one conversation with a fellow adult who lives with her. And 4) neither husband nor stepdaughter have actually attempted to find a resolution or solution after dropping their decision. It's not over. It needs to be talked about. Where are they going to put the baby? Are the going to renovate the house? What are daughter's long term plans? How will they handle childcare? If stepdaughter isn't paying rent, will she need to provide babysitting? They need to talk about this, not shout at OP to shut up and then go hide in theirs rooms.
I suspect this is far more about husband and daughter rebelling against the new power dynamics. For her marriage, the OP has been the young stepmom, the "not real" mom who has to sit back, play nice, and stay in last priority. Kids first! means that stepdaughter got priority, and her dad could use that to make decisions which overrode his wife's wishes. But now, OP is having a baby. OP is now "REAL mom". She is full and equal parent on even footing with her husband now. A baby's needs take precedence over a 23 year old with a full time job adult's. OP is now the one with the power, per se. They simply haven't adjusted yet. Dad still thinks he can make unilateral decisions about the household behind her back since it's for his (oldest) child, and stepdaughter thinks her needs and wants are first because that's her norm she doesn't want to give up. But nope, not anymore. Husband must now coparent equally and adult stepdaughter is now second.
She could just put a cot in their bedroom for the first little while. But I bet this new mom is going to put the baby in the step-daughter's room so the nightly crying and a step-mom bursting in without knocking will drive her out. Seems that's where this is headed. Not going to get into other details. I do find it weird she didn't mention her husband's age. But I also find it equally strange that mentioning age is relevant. Going by experience with this, I do know it's strongly expected to add it in on Reddit and it's often used against the OP, no matter the issue. People get hung up on age gaps and maturity level, that may or may not have to do with the person's in question age. That's one of the reasons I stopped going to reddit for anything.
You're the c**t in this situation. Rent is astronomical, and you're obviously so out of touch it's not funny. This issue isn't hers to bear....you're the one getting knocked up in a home without adequate living arrangements. How typical for someone to make a decision and expect others to take the responsibility for it. YOU changed the plans that were working, NOT her.
This is just sh!t communication and planning on OP and her husband's part. The yes, no, back and forth. Not even discussing if her step-daughter could afford to move out before basically giving her an untimatum with a move out date already prearranged. Not discussing this when they initially got pregnant. Two months is not enough time in this economy to save, hunt down an apartment and a potential roommate; 9 months is thou! I will say the daughter can't be that blindsided. She knew her step-mom was pregnant. She can't be looking forward to sharing a 2 bedroom apartment with a newborn. Living in a small apartment with your parent/step-parent as an adult isn't ideal at the best of times (can't have lots; if, any friends over. No parties. Can't bring an intamite partner home, etc.) A baby and all the accompanied stuff taking up every available space will probably drive her to find a way to move out on her own pretty quickly, TBH.
I just had a baby, and I told my 15yo and 11yo they are old enough to fend for themselves and that I need the space for the new baby since I can't afford a bigger house. Yeah, sounds ridiculous when I put an 11yo and 15yo in place of a 23yo, doesn't it? That's because babies don't necessarily need an entire room. That's just farther to walk anyway. Grow up and stop being a tyrant.
I think I'm misunderstanding your comment so I'm let me ask. Who needs to grow up and stop being a tyrant ?
Load More Replies... Definitely the AH. Cost of living is crazy high. You're kicking the daughter to the curb for this new baby. Both you and the father sound like disgusting people (we'll gloss over the fact that you're only 10 years older than his daughter). She's likely making minimum wage or maybe a pinch more. Thats not going to cover rent. Here's an idea, plan ahead before getting pregnant. Put up a curtain in your bedroom and enjoy sharing your room with the baby. Thats the only reasonable solution to this issue. Dont force this girl into a roommate situation, you don't know who she will end up rooming with or if they are responsible. I dont blame anyone for jumping all over you. Sounds like you were very short sighted and selfish.
Just charge her rent. Expect her to also contribute to food, utilities, cable, cell phone plan, and chores. You know, like an adult. Eventually she'll figure out if she's going to be paying for it, it's time to move out. All those calling you TA, and "do you know how expensive it is..." Yes, we adults do, we had our own places at 20, and had to have 3 roommates, and eat Ramon noodles all the time, keep our crappy car running etc. we had not choice but to opt out of HS internet, Iphones, and often, heat. Look, there is nothing wrong with adult child living with parents when it makes sense for all involved. circumstances have changed, time to grow up.
The way I figure it, keep the baby in the bedroom with the parents for a couple of weeks or however long it takes for the father to get tired of it and tell his daughter that she'll have to share her room with the baby, which then will make the daughter start looking into apartment roommates.
Unpopular NTA - I’m stepdaughter with 13 y. younger halfsister. I was renting since I was 19 (with my parents helping financially for a few years). I had flatmates or roommates until I was able to rent small studio apartment with my now husband. And I didn't suffer. It's normal - your parents help as long as they can and in the meantime you need to learn how to deal with the world by yourself. I'm milenial, I know economy, it's not easy. So what? She is expecting her father to pay for her until one of them is dead? 23 and full time job is perfect moment to pay for your room. I would say the same if they were both her biological parents with or without a newborn. That said - they should help financially for a longer time. Pay for part of the room but for a year or so, so she have a time to think what next and learn all necessary adult skills.
Glad your situation worked out for you where your parents put you in a position to help you for a few years and not two months. Not the case for many!
Load More Replies... How about daughter sharing her room with her future step sister or brother? Baby could stay in a bassinet for the first few months.
Baby bassinet can stay in the room with the parents. I get the whole idea of wanting a nursery for the baby but not at the expensive of the daughter regardless of her age.
Load More Replies... LOL, I moved out of my home at 17 and was financially independent from that time forward. The idea of a 23 year old refusing to move out is just mind-boggling to me. I get that real estate is more expensive now, but she's had YEARS to save up - and yes, you can always move into a share situation which is going to be way cheaper than getting a place on your own (that's what I did from ages 21 to 33 in NYC). I swear, the audacity...
Just because you were financially stable at that age, it doesn't mean that always the case. I'm 32 and still living at home. Even in my twenties with a full time job, I couldn't have supported myself. Even my savings wouldn't last long, but I'm using that to buy a new car when my 20 year one finally dies. I guess that's not something you think about in NYC.
Load More Replies... Willing to help her financially for two months but sure that will be easier said than done because babies are expensive! Do you have children? Or did your parents put you out once you became of age? Just curious 🤔
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