Humans love to brag. We can’t help it, when we’ve accomplished something, we want others to know. And we can’t resist a nice pat on the back! But not everything is worth boasting about. In fact, we should definitely keep some things to ourselves…
Redditors have recently been sharing the strangest things they’ve ever heard people proudly share, so we’ve gathered their most amusing stories below. From being born with extra fingers to having an incredibly unhealthy work-life balance, enjoy your journey through all of these bizarre brags. And be sure to upvote the ones that make you say, “weird flex but okay!”
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I always thought “we work hard, we play hard” was a weird flex bc literally everyone I’ve known who said this worked ungodly hours to the point they had no outside life, and the ‘play hard’ part just meant that when they did get off work, they would drink themselves into oblivion with their coworkers, who were pretty much the only people they had any contact with.
I've got a book called "alt.culture", about '90s popular culture. That's pretty much its definition of "work hard, play hard ".
Load More Replies...This was stupid 80s yuppie BS taken from the Japanese 'salary man' BS of drinking yourself insensible.
Load More Replies...If they tell you at the interview "We work hard, and we play hard", it's often short for "We work hard, and we play hardly at all".
My coconspirator and I say, "We work hard, we play hard" when we pop popcorn and settle in to watch a movie on Saturday nights.
I know a person who had a tattoo on his arm about "living live hard not long". He was unalived by cop at age 25 because he also could not stop using d***s and failed a d**g test while on probation. These people are not smart nor are they healthy to be around.
They work, they “play” (although it’s debatable how enjoyable it is)…..they don’t sleep, have families, or take care of their homes.
"I don't do anything around the house. My wife does it all." I've met your wife dude. She's miserable and hates her life.
"Hey - I hate my wife and don't care to help her cause I'm a huge b******e, aren't I great?" If you love her, you'll do the things, because if you love her, you want what is good for her and makes her feel happy and fulfilled. Oxen yoked in a equal pair are stronger and pull straight.
Actually, you should pull your weight no matter if you love your wife or not. Because it is your weight to pull. Because it is your half of the mess, your half of the food to cook, your half of the life to organize.
Load More Replies...N he will claim he never saw it coming won’t he lol
Load More Replies...Similarly, I had a boss (50ish M) who told me and my colleague (both 30ish, M) that he didn't do any DIY at home. He seemed proud to announce that he wouldn't even put a shelf up, but would get a man in to do it. My colleague and I both asked him why he was bragging about being incapable of performing such a simple task.
There's a certain mentality that believes they're above such things, just like they can be above cooking, cleaning and other basic housework. The brag is about saying "I can afford to pay someone to do anything I need doing".
Load More Replies...Moreover, such unfortunate woman develops depression, anger issues and low self esteem. If there is a child around, she would take her anger on the poor kid. I grew up in such a family; it's hell and it convinced me never to get married.
Not necessarily. My dad was like this and treated my mom like c**p. She never once took it out on us kids.
Load More Replies...My 70-year-old neighbor told me that he recently flooded the laundry room because he overloaded the washer with clothes and soap. He had never done a load of laundry in his whole life, and his wife wasn't there to stop him. He thought this was so funny, but his wife's face told a different story.
Here is one, just one "flex" you should consider. Just one (or two): make good suggestions for what to cook for dinner, perhaps even cook, and definitely clean up kitchen and table! Take all those chores away from her which come after 17:00 (that's 5pm, homie). Especially if she is working full time. Your beer can wait.
"I don't read" the guy actually thought this made him cool. I followed the question with "not even magazine articles?" This was right before smartphones completely took over. I was in shock. Still am. He made it sound like he goes out of his way to avoid reading. Like he likes to be willfully ignorant of all things that feed the brain. Maybe I'm a snob, but I can't get behind that. At the very least, maybe read a shampoo bottle when you poop!
I understand not having much interest in books and stuff. But being proud of not reading ever is quite terrible and ridiculous.
Guy at work was really proud he had never finished reading a book, not even for school. Like, my guy, this is not something I would willingly say out loud in public.
Load More Replies...He accidentally voted for Harris since he didn't read the ballot.
Load More Replies...Didn't both Trump and Kanye make a similar claim? I think it's part of our anti intellectual culture.
The U.S. is not a good place to live, unless you’re a rich yt dumbåss.
Load More Replies...A woman in our book club would never read a book unless it was on our agenda. She always has great things to say about what we've read, but it's just not a thing she does for pleasure. I admire her willingness to expand her horizons ... not sure I understand her aversion, except for maybe a time suck component. Man, I love a good book, and compulsively read labels!
It could be something as simple as a learning disability like dyslexia. My mom and sister both have it, and while both enjoy the past time itself, they stick to simple, easy to read and follow books for that reason.
Load More Replies...Well we have a the same kind of guy in the white house now and it shows
My brother didn't read books. Sports Illustrated or the sports section of the paper was about it. In the late 90s we were doing trivia in a bar and the question was "At what temperature does paper burn?". I immediately chimed in with 451° F. He looked at me and asked how I knew that. I told him "Fahrenheit 451" is a book by Ray Bradbury. A few days later he got that book and has been a fairly avid reader since,
Good for you! You did a service to him, and to humanity.
Load More Replies...Non readers are often the people who think they know it all. They often have the most hateful political views, and belong to the most intolerant religions.
And now I'm picturing a dude on the can watching Tik Tok and I can't get it out of my head. Thanks for that image living rent free in my head for weeks.
When I worked and lived in South Korea, I came across a guy from the US who proudly claimed that he had been living there for over five years and "I've never tried Korean food, not even once."
Sir, why did you even choose to come to Korea?
Meanwhile, I ate Korean food regularly and discovered brand new favourites – some of which I still seek out at Korean restaurants here in Canada.
Those that say they will never try "foreign" food are so missing out. I love and make Korean and other kinds of cuisine. My chap chae recipe is delicious - noodles, beef, onions, carrots, spinach ... what's not to love?
That, and pretty much all food in the US is "foreign food"
Load More Replies...That's like the Brits who go on holiday to Spain because "There's a British pub, a McDonald's, and hardly any foreigners there". Then why go to bloody Spain at all?!
Fat Harry, it's the beaches and the sun they are after. For me, going to Spain would be an exercise in avoiding beaches, and the sun, and instead soaking in the culture, history, museums, etc.
Load More Replies...That is a bit unfair of him. It is not all ramen and kimchi, he will surely find something he likes. Why not even try?
That's just dumb. When I lived in Japan I went out of my way to try Japanese food. It was like an adventure.
Right? Think the entire time I was there the only thing I didn't try when offered was this one restaurant that serve some sort of seafood bento box. that was topped with some sort of crayfish/shrimp-like animal. I didn't eat it because it was like... whole. General rule of thumb: I really can't eat anything I can make eye-contact with, as I've probably already named it by the time I get over the fact that my food is staring at me. Suffice to say, Bob was moved over to a quiet corner of the bento box, and I felt guilty enough eating all of his friends.
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I once walked out of the grocery store to see a guy leaning against this beautiful electric blue mustang, hitting on some girls and flexing on his ride and how hard he worked to get it and how he could take them for a spin in it if they'd agree to go on a date with him.
It was my mustang. I set the alarm off and just watched the panic from a distance.
Actually there is a guy on youtube and Tiktok , eiden sanker (11 million subsribers), who has a tricked out purple corvette and has videos of people interacting with his car, and he has had a few videos with that guys situation
Load More Replies...Love it! And on a lower level, man brags about his knowledge about that vintage Maserati. My wife gets in and drives away
Fun fact: A new Maserati will depreciate 70% in the first two years of ownership and 74% over five years. Not trashing Maseratis, they're beautiful, but, yeah, buy a nice used one.
Load More Replies...Ya'll watch the episode of Friends where Joey does this with someone's Porsche? He even went so far as to buy a bunch of Porsche swag. :P That's all I can think of reading this!
There's a difference between a flex and a lie. This was a lie and the OP was a flex :)
My neighbors across the street. A mom, her daughter, and 2 grandkids. She was pissed because the school was sending the police due to her granddaughters missing too many days.
'I didnt finish high school and neither did my daughter, and we turned out fine!'
No, you didnt. You have 4 people in a 2 bedroom house that's falling apart and no car between the 4 of you. She was ranting about this while I was giving her a ride across town, because we are nice people and would occasionally help them.
She sounds like the kind of idiot who thinks "turned out fine" means "didn't die". I hate people who say "and I turned out fine" or "I survived" as a reason for something being "good" (people "survived" and "turned out fine" in the days of asbestos & lead being used in everything, but that doesn't mean that asbestos and lead aren't bad things)
This. My brother takes poor care of himself as an adult and acts like it's fine because he's not dead.
Load More Replies...Yep. Our former neighbor told this to my parents: "I'm perfectly fine without school" - nope, you're not. You're an unqualified worker with minimum wage, drowning in debt, alcoholic, and violent with your wife and kids. Some education would have helped you, trust me.
Education and schooling are 2 different things. I went to school until I turned 16 and had to drop out to support myself because no one else was. I am however very autodidactic and have a high degree of technical training due to the US Navy. Fast forward to 2025. I'm 54 now. I have a 2,400 square foot house on a 1-acre lot. Own both of my vehicles and work for a company that provides mechanical engineering and contracting services in the neighborhood of 1 billion a year. Education is important. School, while potentially being part of the process, not so much.
Load More Replies...Ignorance should be a much shorter, and easier to spell word because as it is, it's expecting too much.
Yes, you are 'nice people'. My hope is you understand the difference between an occasional good deed and manipulation. We fell into that trap for a bit once. "Can you come take my son to school?" 4 blocks away.."Nope we're all done here". Rarely heard from them again, even the Baptists got tired of it.
Reminds me of the parent of the kid with significant special needs that I was seeing in OT. "Well, my husband and I met in special ed class and turned out just fine." No, no you did not. And you created a child that is certainly not fine.
My sister was special ed, and her ex-husband was just an idiot, and they have one maladjusted "normal" kid who's on d***s, and one special needs kid that barely has a job, and I can't help but think my mom did the wrong thing ignoring the fact she was different, and insisting on raising her "normal". She's almost 50 and still can't function without help.
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Does this count? I had a boss who would call my handwriting ugly and chicken scratch. She thought she had the "authority" to say it because she won an award for her handwriting, which she bragged about almost once a week. Eventually, I learned that the award she won was from Grade 3.................... Girly was in her 70s!
"This is not the greatest handwriting in the world, no. This is just a tribute" 🎵
Load More Replies...Same! I probably sound like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite
Load More Replies...Meanwhile, she’s the one who just learned Control-C/V and is adamant employees aren’t allowed to take such shortcuts.
I won a handwriting award in the 5th grade because the handwriting sample I used to enter the contest was the only time all year Mrs. Den could decipher my writing.
We got graded for our handwriting in elementary school. I had a 3 (German grades are 1 to 6) and my friend had a 2. I spent half a year trying to emulate her style. On our next report we both had a 3. One out of a number of incidents that cured me from ambition purely for appearances' (aka grades') sakes.
Load More Replies...My handwriting would get me admitted to any medical school in the country.
I’ve heard of people who peaked in high school, but this is ridiculous.
My cousin once bragged that he had never used sunscreen in his life. Said it with total pride like he was invincible, while peeling like a lobster on vacation. lmao.
I've heard people say it's some sort of toxic chemical leaking into your body. Everything is made up of chemicals.
Load More Replies...Or superpowers. Those are the only two possibilities according to pop culture. Now that I think about it, the cousin is onto something. He is closer than any of us to be Deadpool!
Load More Replies...I work in oncology. So here is a study: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1877782123000590 "Every five sunburns experienced per decade in childhood increased BCC risk by 1.86 (95% CI: 1.73, 2.00) times. Every five sunburns experienced per decade in adulthood increased BCC risk by 2.12 (95% CI: 1.75, 2.57) times and every five sunburns per decade of life increased BCC risk by 1.91 (95% CI: 1.42, 2.58) times."
I do think a little sunshine on your skin can help with vitamin D deficiencies, but man, does sun take a toll on your skin's health and look as you age. Get outside, but wear sunscreen, people!
Truth. If you want to look like walking leather, disregard all sunburn/skin cancer warnings. I know several people that look like leather due to their unhealthy addiction to the sun when they were younger.
Load More Replies...I, 51F, am still worried that the annihilation sunburn from 40 years ago is going to surface in the form of melanoma...
I hope you don't. When I was diagnosed at 47 I was told it was probably due to sunburn as a child. 'Oh' was my response!
Load More Replies...Sunscreen is designed to interact with the chip in the covid shots you took, and turn you woke and vote for the Losercrats. Everybody knows that.
I read recently that skin damage that you get in your youth is stored...so you may get cancer in later life because of overdoing the exposure when you were much younger. I wonder what will happen to summer outdoor sports people, eg athletes, tennis players, golfers - either they get through gallons of the stuff or they store up trouble.
My mom used to brag that she stayed in an a*****e relationship because she didn't want to be a "homie hopper" and women should stay loyal to one man and one man only
Anyways, the guy stabbed her and almost k**led her in 2016.
This is just as bad or worse than the “blood is thicker than water” rationalizers/apologists.
Fun fact, the full phrase is: "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", and actually means that you should regard your promises and commitments as just as serious if not more than coincidental familial ties....though in this context, throw the whole marriage away.
Load More Replies...Homie hopper. That's a new one. I'd rather be called that than be a homie's punching bag
And apparently close enough for him to stab you.
Load More Replies...I've just started reading a book called the Serial Killers Support Club which I have high hopes for as it starts out with a huge domestic incident (not the first rodeo) and she is given a card for a support group. I don't mean to make light of this post but I feel like that is the kind of support group more women need.
This sounds right up my alley, thanks for the recommendation.
Load More Replies...Loyalty, respect and care have to go both ways. It may differ from time to time how much energy/effort/time one can put into a relationship, (depending on health and life's inevitable ups and downs,) but this can then be compensated with said loyalty and respect. If all of this is greatly out of balance, you are basically driving your partner away, which is grounds for a divorce. Even biblically.
No one should ever encourage their kids to stay in an a*****e relationship! For any reason!! They should be encouraging girls to get out of an a*****e relationship the minute it becomes a*****e. Been there, done that! Why I hung around for 11 years still amazes me!
“I worked 80 hours last week”
A guy at my salaried job. .
I used to work at one of those places where everyone worked crazy hours and flexed about it all the time. Every meeting would start with everyone one-upping each other about who worked the most hours last week. America of course. We were a German owned company and when we would meet there and start the “I just pulled a 90 hour week” BS, the Germans looked at us as if we were nuts.
Probably because they think you are nuts. They work 4 day weeks, have lovely long vacations, and enjoy life.... and they are likely as productive as the US side.
Load More Replies...Know a guy who is anti union, works stupid hours at a mediocre paying labour job and is proud of it. He is almost 70 and has no hope of ever retiring.
They actually gave me the option to go salary one time. "Do I look stupid to you?" Then they were going to force it, so I found another job with a hefty raise and they lost their s**t when my colleague and I turned in our notices at the same time.
Don't get me started,Capitol Hill and therefore all of the DC area are infested with these types.
These are the same guys that show up with a gun when the company fires them without warning and they have no back up tribe, no friends or family to help them deal. Why people give so much to a corp that will turn around and dump them without notice is beyond me.
"i dont like your father but i stay with him for you"
every professional ive spoken to and the rest of my family all agree that my parents shouldve split up because they treat eachother and me like absolute a*s.
Yeah, dumping the blame on a kid for why you're in a c**p py marriage is quite admirable. Ugh.
My parents. "I have arguments with your father because of you." "I couldn't buy a dress for myself because I needed to buy stuff for you." "We could have had a better life, but then you were born and we had to make sacrifices for you." 🙄
Hey those aren't parents those are donors. You deserved better than that. You are not a burden or a problem. You rose above that and that makes you so much more than they could ever understand. HUGS
Load More Replies...Thanks mom, really appreciate you continuing to create a hostile environment FOR ME.
the day my parents told us about the divorce my siblings took it bad... I had the bedroom next to my parents and my only thought was "yay.. less fighting"
Take my word for it, as a child who grew up with parents who actively hated each other, couldn’t even put on a show of affection for each other in front of other family or even strangers, and should have divorced long before I was born—-yeah, guess who was planned by my mother to buy 18 more years of support?—-it is so much better to come from a broken home than it is to grow up in one. Had my parents divorced, all us kids (four boys and me, the baby and only girl, if I was around at the time) might have had a shot at getting at least one really great stepparent who would’ve maybe helped to make what was left of our childhoods a little more bearable and somewhat normal. Yes, I know it could’ve also made it worse, but at least we might have had a shot at it being better.
What a great way to pretend to be kind while emotionally abusing your child.
I was so happy when my parents split. I still don't know why they thought I couldn't hear when they screamed at each other after I went to bed.
Heard this from my mum from the age of about 16. She was abused, mostly verbally/mentally but occasionally physical as well, and told me on several occasions that she was just staying for the sake of us kids, and would do so just until my youngest brother, three years younger, would leave school aged 16. I think she may have actually left earlier than that in the end, but it was not something I wanted to know.
Your mum is responsible for her choices. That's nothing to do with you. You have no responsibility for her choices
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My ex boss said he doesn't even know the name of his son or how old he exactly is. He's married, his son and wife live in the same house. He's just a d**k.
The name part seems unbelievable, but my dad legit did not remember my age and birth date until I was well into my 20-ies and started going hunting with him. We all lived together too. Funny how he always remembered the birthdays of his friends just fine🤷♀️
Now THIS I 100% believe. Not knowing the name of a kid you live with? No, not buying that. My parents mix up me and my siblings names from time to time, sometimes we got called the dogs names even, but I think that's normal.
Load More Replies...In my old job, I used to enroll people in health and miscellaneous benefits. It's pretty shocking how many men do not know their wife and children's full names and dates of birth, and the correct spelling of the names. They also routinely fail to enter the name of a primary care physician and then tell me to "just pick someone; it doesn't matter".
Why would you brag about that? What if the child hears him saying that?
A couple of weeks ago, a mother of 4 was talking and goes,
"I took their pacifiers away really early, and if they sucked their thumb, I just spanked em! None of them suck their thumb now!"
She was beaming with pride, and at that moment, I realized why when she called any of the girls, they instantly ran over. As a young parent, I'm not here to judge your parenting style, but at the same time, beating behavior out of your kid isnt the flex you think it is.
Genuinely stupid people do this & use other forms of corporal punishment/abüse because they’re wholly incapable of figuring out how to model, teach, correct, modify appropriate behaviors in their children. It’s not a flex to say that vulnerable, fragile, helpless little people will do anything on your command out of fear of getting beaten up. It just shows what a garbage person you are.
Training them to accept abuse as authority. That should go well for the girls when it's time for them to choose a husband.
Load More Replies...Yet so many people perpetuate the violence that was done to them as kids. "I turned out alright!" No, no you didn't.
“Yes, you turned out as a person who beats children.”
Load More Replies...Wow! Committing acts of violence towards children. Aren’t you proud! /s
Only my youngest refused to give up their pacifier. We held a ceremony for her where she gave the pacifier to a fairy, and she was thrilled. No beatings required.
My mom and I had a "big girl" ceremony and I accompanied her to the bin to dispose of it. Later I dug it out and popped it back in my mouth. I never made a big deal of it (passies and thumb sucking) with my kids, figuring that there aren't many kindergarteners still needing to do that - the problem usually solves itself!
Load More Replies...I had a neighbor that would spank her little girl repeatedly. She was outside one day and I called my dog back to our yard (he ran up to her to say hello). He didn’t come back right away, and I raised my voice and repeated the command. Finally, he came back. I pointed at the ground near my foot and repeated the command and he came where I pointed. Then I pet him and told him what a good boy he was. She couldn’t believe I rewarded him , thought I should spank him. I looked her dead in the eye and asked why she thought spanking him would make him happy to please me. I told her dogs and children (I had a child, too) responded to kindness better than anger. I noticed that she actually tried it, and from what I saw, was more successful and less angry.
Jesus H. fvcking Christ…..that means she was spanking BABIES. If they were young enough to use pacifiers. WTF?
It's such a lazy choice of punishment, and the reasons are more meek. I don't get the outrage over soothers. Parents give them to their babies, just to punish them for using it a year later. If you don't want your babies to have a soother later, don't give them one. Otherwise, let them be babies and toddlers.
I remember a neighbor one time telling me that my biggest failure as a mom was that my kids weren't scared of me! I never wanted my kids to be scared of me and if that is a failure, then so be it!
I've said this before and it was popular, so I'll say it again. Anyone who bragged about not getting good grades.
Being uneducated in a first world country is an embarrassment.
Good grades doesn't mean educated. Bad grades don't mean not educated. Grades and actual learning are only loosely related.
Load More Replies...One of my few regrets in life is that I did not try harder in school.
Education is not just something that happens in school. We can all be life-long learners. If you missed out on something (for what ever reason), start the learning now. It's great fun.
Load More Replies...But are they getting passing grades? Maybe they're not on the honor roll, however they could still be glad they passed because they worked hard to get themselves there and prone to failing. I'm just saying in this perspective, as I am one of those people. The only hopes I had at getting high marks was in art class or graphic arts. My step-mom said anything less than 90% was poor. I say f**k her perfectionist idealisms. Having to have tutors, extra study time in school, extra time during exams, cramming all month leading up to exam time, staying up past midnight trying to finish homework, that's still effort and should deserve some credit.
But there's no need to brag about any grades, in my opionion.
Load More Replies...Pointing out that you succeeded despite bad grades is ok if you're focusing on the former instead of the latter.
Yeah, but is it a twist of fate or a result of being scammed into believing it has value?
Load More Replies...Having been bullied for being top of my grade, I can sorry of understand it... If you're still a kid. /Edited due to typo
What is "being to of my grade"? Serious question.
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“You’re allergic to shellfish? Psh, so am I but I don’t let it stop me.” Then the guy proceeds to down four or five shrimp.
Imma throw in here I’ve been severely allergic for a couple years, he’d just found out and at first it was just mild skin irritation and a scratchy throat.
Glad I had a back up epi and knew how to use it, exposing himself the way he had been had made the allergy so much worse. Still took him to the ER and stayed with him till they got him unshrimped lol.
I know, right? Everyone knows the correct term is "deshrimpificated".
Load More Replies...I’m going to shout this: WE NEED TO STOP INTERFERING WITH SOCIAL DARWINISM.
I am deathly allergic to shellfish. I love it, but am not going to risk my life. I do carry an epipen because some of my allergies have shown up at different points in my life, and I always worry that I might have a reaction to something that never bothered me in the past.
I hope OP billed him for the epipen, because i hear if you live in a backward country they charge for those things.
What a dumbåss! People can die from allergic reactions.
Sadly, far too many people think allergies aren't real, that's it's just something people say to stand out or that it's some fad diet thing.
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I have a coworker in his 60s who brags about fights he won in elementary school. Like, watch out, we got a bada*s over here.
No, no, he was whupping 6-year olds RECENTLY. Little Danny reckoned he was cool because he had the plastic tow truck? Yeah, he dropped Danny like a bad habit. Now HE's king of the sandpit and ain't nobody saying different unless they want some too.
People who think not being in control of their emotions enough that it makes them be violent against others makes them manly are sad. No Kyle, it makes you a child who cant stand to not get their way.
No doubt a bully. Yeah, that's something to brag about ...... I don't think !
My ex used to brag about which sports he played in high school. He didn't flunk out but he also wasn't a stellar student. Of course, in the 35 years after high school he was as lazy as can be, just reliving his long ago glory days
My ex brother in law, when we first met him, said he had a file of Domestic Violence charges as thick as a phonebook.
That was a miserable 4 years.
But he'll be different for her because he loves her. Plus she can change him. /s
OP's sister is an idiot. Generally abusers hide their nature until they have their victim caught. If someone is bragging about it openly and you still date them, you're just asking for trouble.
"I actually drive better when I'm high/drunk".
Was on a rescue crew. Not that I have any strong opinions on it but people like this should be hauled out of their vehicles, shot in the head and left to rot in the ditch.
You really f*****g don't. I'd be tempted to report the next time he did.
Had a drunk ex coworker drive up to work on his day off and said this exact thing. I talked to him and stalled him while another coworker called the police. His off day was his last day of employment LOL.
My exes terrible step dad moved their family into the worst neighborhood in town and told me directly "I moved my family here because this is where I grew up and look how good I turned out"
I mean the guy was well off. He was a foreman of a construction company. Well paid.
I guess he wanted me to ignore the 12 years of federal prison for armed robbery and attempted murder 🤷.
How can anyone with a prison record think they turned out well just because they are now working at a good job!
That would sort of depend on the crime and the job.
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Guy hitting on me at a bar in Los Angeles asked me what I did. Told him I was a 2nd year at UC Berkeley Law.
He guffawed in my face and said “I was just in a national PEDIGREE commercial.” Pedigree as in dog food.
Joke is on you OP. While you'll have to work actual hours to earn your hundreds per hour, this guy will be sitting back and cashing those $4 per month residual cheques without llifting a finger...
I think that’s a little too generous. Those $4 checks come quarterly. 🤣
Load More Replies...do both. I once got $20.000 for a one-day commercial. Still working on that law degree though...
I've learned to never give a serious, honest answer to a stranger in a bar. When someone you just meet asks you what you do, they're just sizing you up, or wanting to see how witty you are.
I’d rather be a lawyer thank you , than in a sodding commercial, putting s c u m badges in prison far more satisfying
Why would anyone downvote this? Unless youre dispicable...
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“I have kids, I’ve passed on my genetic code” - my brother bragging to me whilst being jobless, owing thousands in child support, and barely seeing his kids.
I'm the last of my line. That's my contribution to the world.
I grew up in a toxic, a*****e family scarred by old traumas and domestic violence. I am 99% sure that my father has an undiagnosed mental illness, which he inherited from his mother. (He refuses to see a psychiatrist, so we cannot know for sure). I am not passing on those genes, and the circle of trauma and abuse ends with me. On a separate note, I am considering adopting an abandoned/ orphan child.
Adoption is amazing! I adopted my son because I've always wanted to be a parent, but didn't want to pass on my genes. If adoption is too much, you can be a part of Big Brothers/Big Sisters or host foreign exchange students.
Load More Replies...As a teacher I found that the genetic code of some parents was S-O-S.
I'm always weirded out by old folk at work who will proudly tell you that they don't know how to use computers properly. That they've never learned to use Excel or whatever. Well done, you're s**t at your job. I'm no spring chicken but I've tried very hard over the years to keep a bit up to date.
I work IT. The amount of people who don't know how to use a computer is sad. I can understand those who are 70 and up, but anything under 70 and you've had fair exposure. Especially if you work and especially if you worked in the same place for a long time... **Edit: This was not meant to be a generalization of those over 70, but rather a statement saying that I give leeway to them more than younger groups.**
I am over 70 and still code and work a technical job. I started as a programmer. Plenty of us started life coding the big old mainframes. Modern tech may be have advanced but tech is tech. There is no excuse not to learn it and no excuse to lump us all together as tech ignorant because we are “over 70”.
Load More Replies...I would have to say that the older people get they do tend to resist learning something new, but there are a large percentage of people that seem to have the same attitude. You have young people that refuse to learn computers and think everything should be done on their phones because they "grew up" doing it that way. The truth is that most people hate change.
Load More Replies...My dad was a master machinist tool and die maker. His plant got computer machine tools when he was around 60. Guys younger than he took early retirement so as not to learn them. He was: new toys!. When When he did retire, my sister set him up with his own computer.
"I'm incapable of learning and I've made sure people know I should be one of the first they look to fire if there is any kind of staffing reduction". "Thanks Enid, good to know".
I teach Excel classes at the library. 90% of my attendees are retirement age or older. Doing everything they can to stay current.
Depending on their age, they were working when computers were first introduced to office settings. I’m 64, and first worked at a fully computerized office back in the early 1980s, ffs. That was when only rich people could afford to have computers in their homes because they were wildly expensive—-as much or more than a relatively new used car, if not a brand new one. Plus, there really wasn’t much of an internet back then, so they were more or less just being used as word processors unless you joined a message board. I got my first home computer in the later 1990s, when they became more affordable. Each step of the way and each new program (at a new job or an old one that updated, and at home when they finally bought a home computer), people my age and older have learned how to use computers, including every new update, new edition, new breakthrough, every innovation, for the last 45 years. It is impossible for them not to know how to use a computer at all—-Hell, even if you can’t use a typewriter, you can still use a computer—-so don’t let them play dumb and make someone else do their work for them. They have at least an idea how to do it. Their knowledge may be a little dated if they’ve been out of school or haven’t worked in a while (like a few years being a SAHM until the kids were in school), but they can be brought up to speed pretty quickly. Hell even the WAY older folks, like the remaining members of the greatest generation (old enough to remember WWII) who were around at the f*****g DAWN of computers, when they filled whole buildings and used reel to reel tapes and punch cards, ffs, can still use them. My husband’s mother just turned 90, and is proficient on the computer. So don’t let them fool you. They can use computers just fine.
This is like the generational bashing. It's not old folks. I'm 70 and don't think I'm old. Lots of people of any age aren't tech savvy. But... I have a desktop setup. I have a blog, and accounts here and on Facebook and Instagram. I communicate via email - which I prefer to phone calls - and DM. I have to admit I, for some reason I can't figure out, simply don't get along with smartphones (I have a landline) or laptops. But it's nothing to do with age. I also am good at "old skills" like needlework, cooking, some basic household repairs, and so forth. It's not age, it's the individual.
In the 1980s, I worked for a principal (former head football coach) who told me that desktop computers would be strictly for people in clerical positions.
I'm in IT. I get it. I don't like computers. This is where the work was. I wish I had found something else that I enjoy doing. The constant updating, new apps and programs and operating systems are a pain. I am Gen X, so I miss a simpler time. Back in the day, passwords were only used by spies! Still, if it is part of your job to know how to use a computer, learn how to do it.
I could have written this. I liked computers back in the 90s. That was when only smart people were interested in them. Now, the tech world is run by greedy business people who care nothing about technology, only about squeezing more money out of people. And of course, they had to make it complicated and frustrating.
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A manager of a different department to me prided herself on being crazy busy all the time. She proudly told me she hasn’t listened to music in 15 years because she doesn’t have time. I asked if she has a radio in her car and she said she turns it off. I said, what about in supermarkets where they play background music, she said she tunes it out and ignores it. This conversation was about 12 years ago and I’m still so confused.
Alternatively, Manager bragged that "I am so bad at my job that I haven't found any ways to make it more efficient, or learned to delegate".
Ridiculous excuse. You can listen to music in your car, while having dinner, while walking - if you really want to. Reminds me of a friend who falls for every fake news spread by russian propaganda, because "I don't have time to fact check". (but somehow, she does have time to distribute it further).
I can relate to the manager - I haven't intentionally listened to music in at least as long as her because it causes me to feel anxious and, therefore, it's neither relaxing nor enjoyable.
You're probably listening to the wrong kind of music.
Load More Replies..."Well youre clearly not busy enough to avoid having this asinine conversation with me"
“I’ve had all degrees of burns.” In college, my husband was loitering in a hallway waiting for his class to open and was standing near a girl and a guy. Girls hands are both wrapped in gauze and the guy asks why. She says she has second degree burns on her hands and had to wrap them up. Then he very confidently comes out with “yeah, well I’ve had all degrees of burns” as the ultimate story top. It is said frequently around my home to this day and is a part of our family vocabulary.
The person with burns on her hands doesn't care about your story at that moment. Either show her empathy & support or be quiet.
What an odd way of saying "I've gotten a third-degree burn before". You really want to flex, tell them you've gotten third-degree burns but never first or second-degree burns. The fire was so hot the skin just skipped stages one and two of the whole burning process and went straight to third degree burns.
🎶Anything you can do, I can do better🎶. How does that help her? The way he said it would make me walk away.
There are always people who, when you tell them you are sick...they are 10 times sicker than you!
In our family, "stupid pole!" [fishing] makes everybody but one giggle.
“I don’t drink water”.
Some people think they don't drink water, just because they don't drink plain H20. Water is in a LOT of things, because we NEED it. Soft drinks are about 95% water, beer has a very high water content etc. Most food has water, either intrinsically or as an ingredient.
And for any Hannibal Lectors out there, the human body is about 55-60% water. (For the curious, chianti wine is 85% and even fava beans come in at 11%.)
Load More Replies...I prefer my water with some flavor , like tea , coffee but if need be I will down a bottle
Same I drink mostly tea ( water with grass as told by coffee drinkers😆), and will drink plain water only when it's warm outside. Still counts.
Load More Replies...Please drink water. I know I'm repeating myself. I was at my daughter's & started having seizures. I'd never had one before. I don't remember much, but ended up in the hospital for 6 days. I was dehydrated. I'd only drank soda and coffee that day; no water.
I didn’t drink water for roughly the first 25 years of my life. When I was growing up, we always drank sweet tea or cokes. A horrible habit I’m happy to have overcome. I LOVE water. I don’t understand how anyone can not enjoy water. My dad will still only drink it with mio. (My child has always loved water, my sisters kid on the other hand never drinks it either Sister still lives on cokes)
"I don't understand how anyone can not enjoy water." Because in some places, the water tastes terrible. Our tap water has a high mineral content & tastes like dirt. The water at my spouse's grandmother's old house had a high sulphur content & stunk of rotten eggs - no way could I make myself drink that.
Load More Replies...A guy told me once "I drink beer because I'm thirsty". Dude, you drink water if you're thirsty. Drinking several beer cans per day is not for thirst. It's a fast way to alcohol a*******n.
Really, bored panda? The word "add ic tion" is now censored too?
Load More Replies...My friend said so. I thought she was flexing, too, but turned out, she wasn't. She explained the plain water in her neighborhood is so bad she can't just drink it, and even after boiling it tastes awful, so she prefers making tea or buying juice
The water around here sometimes tastes bad, but not always. I try to have some bottled water on hand at all times for those days.
Load More Replies...or - "I only drink in days containing the "t" letter: Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow."
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My BIL is almost 60 and doesn't eat fruits or vegetables and he thinks it's funny that his kids and now grandkids are the same.
Lovely and colourful (although you can keep the avocado!). I was cooking Tuscan salmon last night, and the at the point where the tomatoes and spinach are in the pan together, it struck me how lovely and fresh it looked. I don't understand people who are proud to limit their diet (apart from for reasons of necessity or conscience).
Load More Replies...My half sister eschews anything healthy then tried to blame genetics for diabetes - except she is the first in the family with it. She will be 45 in October, I can't see her making 50 at this rate since she also thinks exercise is for other people. Her son will finally be freed of her shackles then - he actually likes fruit, veg and exercise.
Ugh, there are so many things to blame for the general aversion to healthy foods and the acceptance of having a fast-food diet. If I eat like cra p I start getting a craving for vegetables. Fruits and veggies are our nutritional friends!
Amazing he doesn’t have scurvy, pellagra, night blindness, hemorrhagic disease or other bleeding disorder, cardiovascular problems, digestive issues, a metabolic syndrome like diabetes, clinical depression, or cancer—-all issues that can arise from a diet with no fruits or vegetables in it. For OP’s sister’s sake, I sure hope BIL is all paid up on a hefty life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary.
I am 63 years old and do not like 90% of the vegetables out there. Thankfully my kids and grandkids love them! I believe it’s all in the way they are introduced as a child
Yup, I've run into people who've said this too. Super weird to think it's a flex.
Fellow who always laughed at my dinner salad had a heart attack on the job. Didn't survive it.
Last place I worked had a woman who bragged about having the most sick time and not using it. But would come in sick and work then complain when people would call out because they got sick.
I wonder how often her coworkers called in sick because they caught whatever she had.
Well the first stupid thing is having an alloted number of "sick days". When you are sick, you are sick, and it doesn't follow a timetable. Second, there should be penalties for coming in sick and passing whatever it is onto your co-workers.
I'm not sure about the USA, in Canada workplaces have sick day accruals, but using those accruals doesn't mean your getting paid sick time. We get 2 or 3 a year, no matter what. The sick days just say if you have enough for excused absence. If you take more time off for sick time or personal time than you have accruals, it becomes unexcused and you may get a follow up when you come back. It's so stupid. It's supposed to discourage people from taking too much time off, but the thing is people do take whatever time off they need, anyways. Some managers are lenient, but it's upper management that brings up issues.
Load More Replies...I work at a company that will discipline you if you come to work sick with something contagious. People like that cost companies so much money in time lost.
This behavior used to be encouraged and rewarded in some companies in the USA, it was seen as dedication and a good work ethic. The pandemic changed that.
My boss just ran a biofire on his kid and it turns out the rugrat got covid at Reading and Leeds. Super. I am on holiday next week. tick tock...
I haven't had a sick day in nearly two years, but I haven't been sick either.
"I smoked through all five of my pregnancies and my kids turned out fine."
My boss, when I was pregnant and explaining why I didn't want to sit on the dock and smoke anymore.
And you're a doctor are you? Smoking has a ton of risk factors for parent and baby but they're not guaranteed. The idea that your kid is sure to have problems is factually incorrect.
Load More Replies...Some people don’t understand, or are invested in choosing not to understand, the words ‘increases the risk of . . .'
My response to a similarly inane comment was "well, if you dropped your baby from the changing table and it didn't get hurt, that's still not a reason to start baby dribbling because you have 'proved' it's safe"
Load More Replies...My mom smoked with the 3 of us (39-45) and we all came out healthy and still are. She is too, and has been smoking for almost 50 years. Just luck I guess. I haven't and will never smoke a cigarette.
I received dangerous advice from older folks regarding parenting a baby. Including: "rub whiskey on his gums for teething pain," and "you have to keep him bundled up in a hat, jacket and blankets even when it's hot outside "
Some people should not have kids !! that is most def nothing to brag about , quite the reverse in fact !! selfish entitled disgusting woman ,
Theres 8 BILLION people. Nobody should have kids until we get this under control
Load More Replies...My mom smoked throughout her pregnancy with me. Me? I’ve had some lung issues all my life and now in old age, I have asthma. Life is fun. I never smoked, and will never allow anybody to smoke in my home. Mom died of emphysema….
“I don’t take lunch breaks”.
It depends, I worked at a place, you got a 45 min lunch break, but it was unpaid (your time sheets had to show your lunch times), I took 3 min to get my food from the fridge, worked at my desk while eating, and clocked out earlier.
Load More Replies...I have no issue with this. I don't particularly want to spend lunchtime with colleagues so eat fruit 'al desko' while working which allows me to leave at 4 sharp if I want.
In the long term this is bad for your mental health, you don't necessarily have to eat but a few minutes away from your 'work station' is an absolute must
I would be dead in the afternoon and probably would have killed some people because being hungry makes me angry
I once worked in a warehouse where I was the only stock guy. I didn't take a lunch break in the middle of the day. I took a nap.
I used to eat lunch at my desk. Have realised people ignore me eating. So if I am because of [whatever] and someone tries it on, I quite bluntly say I am on lunch until [whenever] and will do it then.
I am in the same trap... "just finish this quickly, then I join you" 15:00, still not had breakfast
Working at a call center for a local medical group. Kind of a sad place with cubicles that were three feet wide and the walls went all the way up to the ceiling.
The woman I was shadowing was proudly telling me that today was her tenth anniversary with the company, and as a reward she got an additional paid day off. So if I work hard, I could have FOUR paid days off in ten years.
The only job I straight up walked out of.
I just had my 12th anniversary with this company. I got another week of PTO. That makes 7 weeks per year, plus 12 sicks days, 3 floating holidays, 8 volunteer days (when we want to volunteer, we still get paid), and I can roll over 80 hours of PTO each year. I am rolling 50 hours a year over so that when I am ready to retire, I can leave a year early and still get paid.
How is this possible? 4 days? I bet people in North Korea get more than that.
4 Is terrible even by American standards... I want to assume this is in addition to yearly PTO, but don't know that they're actually REQUIRED to give a certain amount of PTO and it's a call center, so...
Load More Replies...Call centre work policies are horrendous. Some call centres are worse than others, but none are decent enough. They're depressing and the senior staff are just as jaded and stuck. It's tough to find a job outside of call centre work if you've stayed in that field a long time. Some staff believe there's no other work out there, and will become concerned if someone quits, worrying if they have another job lined up or not. It's a very bizarre mentality. (Bizarre is a weird word.)
“I just tell it like it is. I ain’t gonna hold nothin’ back. I don’t give a f**k what anybody thinks.”
-Redneck flex.
Okay, you have no grace, no decorum and no concern about the feelings of others.
"And I absolutely hate it when others do the same to me - they are rude, I'M just direct".
They don't tell it like it is. They tell it like they think it is.
Tbf there are people who are always offended if you have a different opinion anyway and always blame it on the tone.
Tbf, the people who are often offended are sometimes the same people who like to "just tell it like it is". They like to dish it out but can't take it.
Load More Replies...Their the ones chatting up people on the bus then teasing people for doing something kind, like helping their mother with grocery shopping, because "I do my own shopping. I don't need help from my mommy." (And, yes, everyone did clap for the bus driver who kicked her out XD.)
Load More Replies...I hate people who do this. They could save a lot of extra words by just saying, “I’m an åsshōle.”
"I have all the simplicities, including that of brusqueness." - Nero Wolfe
Years ago I went to a Mexican restaurant with my cousins. One of them starts mouthing off to the waitress because she forgot his sour cream. His equally-annoying brother tries to flirt with the waitress like “I’m not a p***y and I can eat Mexican food without sour cream”. He pauses so the Mexican waitress can congratulate him but she just goes (sigh) “ok”.
"I'm sorry my family are a******s" came to mind...
Load More Replies...I have sour cream because it tastes good, not to dull the spiciness of something.
“I’m the only man in town with six fingers!”.
Uh, technically 10 or 12 fingers (depending on how you categorise thumbs).
A woman I had started dating said into my ear in a seductive tone "I have something you don't!" Since we had yet to be intimate, my first thought was "I certainly hope so!" It turns out that she had an extra finger on each hand. (And she taught piano!)
I know this person who has these giant bicep muscles. Him and his partner would always brag how they're the biggest in the area. But honestly, they look ridiculous. Like someone jammed toddler head into his arm, they're huge. But it's not proportional to the rest of his body. I went home and had a good cackle with my husband about it.
sadly my R bicep tendon snapped the other day (it’s a long story) and the muscle looks like a small ball under the skin. Too old for a graft, and also too old to care about it.
Isn't it painful, or doesn't it affect your arm function? Anyway, sorry to hear and wish you the best.
Load More Replies...Could be oil injections if he's disproportionate. Not only does it look utterly absurd and cause you significant health risks, you don't even HAVE any real muscle.
Spent several months during a Michigan winter at the rehab place that doubled as a 'gym'. Very impressive chestal area and arm tone/bulk. Could not wash my as* in the shower..go ahead, call me a 'girly man', I don't care
Stick a post-it between his shoulder blades. I bet he can't reach to pull it off.
To be honest, I don't understand why any of the body builders (men or women) want to have oversized muscles! It doesn't even look good! Nicely muscled bodies look good but huge muscles are just as bad as being super fat!
I had a coworker once who bragged that he has cheated on every girl he ever had. Dude was definitely a d****e.
Sorry, we're censoring "d****e" now? So I can no longer talk about showers in French?
Okay, but "French shower bag" has a nice ring to it
Load More Replies..."there was a couple in the shop setting up monthly payments for their pram, they must have looked at us, young couple, nice car and been jealous we just bought the pram outright" - my brother, leaving out a very important part... He was given the money to buy the pram by his in laws, it wasn't his money. Also my parents bought his car 🙃.
Were they buying the motorized version? Making monthly payments on a BUGGY? Or am I missing a nuance here?
"I once chugged a whole jar of pickle juice and it destroyed the lining of my stomach!"
OK, go you, kiddo!
His stomach must have been made out of paper. Pickle juice is a favorite for many!
Can happen😅 For me it was the 2L canister of fermented grape juice (Federweisser) I bought during my trip to Germany and insisted on drinking even after it had spent 12 hours in a warm car😅 Well at least I now can give patients exact descriptions how a gastroscopy feels like😁
Is that the same as Sausser? I can imagine drinking that much would not be good - that's a lot of alcohol, and a lot of sugar - but it could not actually "destroy” your stomach lining.
Load More Replies...What? I drink pickle juice all the time! Was this pickles brined in ghost pepper or something?
On TikTok, there are dudes bragging about working 100hrs a week only to make like 10k a month, which, when you do the math, is a wage of only around $18/hr.
I make more than that and work about 35 hours/week. I don't have TikTok though.
No, when you do the math that's what it works out as. Also it depends where they live to how much taxes they're paying
Assuming no tax at all (because wages are generally posted before deductions....) it actually comes out at about $23 / hour.
Load More Replies...If I made 10k a month I could be debt free and living grand. I could not have to wait until I get my tax refund to take a trip.
“I don’t use my PTO” soooo you’re working for free basically? Weird flex but ok (we get X amount of days off that don’t roll over or pay out).
Most companies in the U.K. will make you take holidays if you haven’t used your days
Or pay you out for them. God bless not working in US.
Load More Replies...cool, give them to someone who needs them then
I try and save days because we do get paid rollover. But am a lot more fastidious about using PTO now. And in the UK if you are smart, you can do a series of 4 day weekends in May using only 1 day of PTO each time.
Where I work they insist we take at least 20 of our allocated 27 days off per Calendar year as this improves employee attendance as there are less sick days. You can only take less if your planning a big vacation in the future , more than 4 weeks and up to 3 months and then they're ok with that
We *have* to take our paid time off. In the UK it’s illegal to take the money instead (so that employers can’t pressure their employees). If we don’t have anything planned it’s not unusual to have weeks blocked out for us by our employer and them we can move them around (if it fits in with other people’s time off) if plans change.
In some jobs that's a good sign they're embezzling or doing something else that requires continual cover up.
Guy in front of me got stopped at customs and said very loudly and very slowly to the agent: “I am an international businessman.”
This was 20 years ago and I think of it weekly. No actual international businessman has ever described themselves that way.
What if he said, "I am an international businessman of mystery"? So much more intriguing.
Especially if he said it with a Russian or Middle Eastern accent.
Load More Replies...Anyone traveling abroad on business is, by definition, an international businessperson. One summer break in college, I did a handful of courier trips between the USA & some Asian & European counties. I was paid to travel internationally to drop off high-value documents & parcels. In this sense, I was an international businessperson as much as anyone else.
I have a friend who used to buy and sell swords and related things. Many times that involved crossing the Canadian/American border. She described herself as an international arms dealer. Only in social settings, though.
I used to be an international consultant for a company called Blackboard. My job was to travel to different countries to help our clients with product implementation. My regions were Asia, Pacific Islands, Latin America, Caribbean, North Africa and UK. International Consultant was my job title, although I usually just said consultant.
Remember the agents have no sense of humour as I found on a business trip to America: "Are you here for business or pleasure?" Me: "Do I look like I am enjoying myself?" Not a mistake I made again.
I've shared this before somewhere else, but I feel like it fits.
I used to work in a library that was in a v deprived area. Local kids would hang out there cos there wasn't really anywhere else for them to go. They had to have a library card to do that, and we kept a list of their parents/guardians to call if things got rowdy, which they often did.
One time these 2 kids were causing trouble after closing time, wouldn't leave, were throwing furniture around and yelling in our faces. I told them we were going to call their parents, one of them turned around and said triumphantly "HA! I don't even HAVE any parents!"
She did have grandparents though, who were pretty pissed when they heard what she'd been up to.
But let's be true: nine of us could have resisted to giving that answer in thiis situation.
Might as well have some benefit from that sad situation
Load More Replies...Apparently, given the number of V's in the post, OP is no longer living in a V-deprived area!
I mean, be proud of what you have. But flexing you don’t have parents is just sad.
"I was a virgin before I got here. Since then I've had s*x with like 20 girls." Freshman friend of my college roommate. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he was still a virgin and given my roommate and his other friends reaction, they probably thought so too.
then they grow up to be 30 year old dudes complaining in their basement about women's body counts
And desperately trying to grow a neck beard. Fun fact: these used to be known in the UK as a "Newgate Fringe" - Newgate being the prison in London where criminals were hanged - they look like a noose around the neck.
Load More Replies...An old guy that I used to work with used to say all the time….I’ve smoked for 52 years…since I was 13.
And you'll smoke one last time, before your family sprinkles you at the beach because you died of emphysema at 65...
They're risks, not guarantees. Smoking is stupid and dangerous but it's not guaranteed to cause emphysema or any other disease.
Load More Replies...I smoked for 22 years, starting at 12. Glad I quit, it's a vile habit
You don’t realize how bad it smells until after you quit. I can’t believe I spent so many years smelling like an ashtray
Load More Replies...When he started smoking and got addicted, the public didn't know of the dangers of smoking. Now we do.
Hmm. My grandpa was born in 1918 and referred to cigarettes as "coffin nails."
Load More Replies...And that's why he knows better that any scientist what is dangerous or not. Also earth is flat?
TBF, I started smoking when I was 13. Changed that for vapes 2.5 years ago. Eventually will grow out of those too. (51f)
A kid told me the Grand Wizard eats Thanksgiving dinner at his house.
For those who don't know, the Grand Wizard is the leader of the KKK (edit: didn't think BP would try and censor that; I thought wrong)
Oh good grief, I wouldn’t have understood the reference
Load More Replies...Make sure you eat 1 or 2 yourself so you get sick but don't die. UK just prosecuted someone for killing most of her family that way.
Load More Replies...If it's a young child they don't understand. They look up to their parents who say this is an important man. Of the kid is their later teenage years you can expect don't common knowledge, but on the other hand they could be so brainwashed they still think everyone on earth thinks this is a flex. O
it sounds cool if you don't know the context.
I work in mental health care. on my first day two people turned their noses up at me for working in admin because they were both counsellors, and then one of them bragged about not being able to meditate because her "thoughts just go too fast". congratulations you will be horrible to your patients and either disorganised or really stressed out? well done? I would never want to receive treatment from someone that puts someone down for doing a different job to them?
In general, I have seen a lot of people that have the attitude that "My work is the most challenging and valuable thing in the world, and your is easy and worthless."
Which is why, after I (a custodian) make a salient point, I say "But what do I know, I scrub toilets".
Load More Replies...Maybe, but not really the point. It's the attitude towards OP's position, and their thoughts on mental health treatments.
Load More Replies...Don't do any admin for a day, they will found out how valuable you are
Dude I knew used to brag about how he keeps his car super clean because he washes it every weekend in front of his house.
turns out he tried starting up a car washing business and it went under. He has like five years worth of cleaning supplies that he’s trying to get through. That’s why he cleans his car all the time.
He never thought of starting a door-to-door business? His neighbors might appreciate it.
Maybe it isn't so bad in other countries but, as an Aussie, all I could think about was the waste of water.
One day during my Masters program, my friends and I were discussing the dorm bathroom setup. One of my hall-mates shared that when she had to go in the middle of the night, she preferred peeing into a Ziploc bag and dropping it out of her third floor window into the dumpster directly below. I’ve never heard a table get shocked into silence so quickly.
Is it bad that I'm almost more fascinated by the mechanics of that than horrified that they thought of it? Like, how big a bag? Those huge freezer ones, or the little ones for a single sandwich? How do you keep your hands clean?
Those ones that split into about 24 separate little chambers to make ice cubes :D
Load More Replies...I'm more concerned that she doesn't feel comfortable using the communal hallway at night.
This may be more down to idleness than fear. We all kinda know how she feels.
Load More Replies...No. If she left out the ziploc bag, that would be efficient.
Load More Replies...A co-worker once told me he got a police 'escort' out of his previous job for threatening to k**l his boss. He then made a mic drop motion with his hand followed by a little gotcha style laugh. This was in response to our boss walking by our work station without saying hello.
My mom’s husband who is mid to late 40s was bragging to my sister that he made a $3500 commission as a realtor. Now that would be impressive right except he was previously an engineer making 6 figures and refused to accept any salary less than 150k so now he’s a real estate agent. Also that was the only commission he made in 8 months. He’s also the kind of guy who tells people if you work hard enough you can be a millionaire, poor people choose to be poor. .
"I dont love my wife but she thinks I do. Overall I dont have feelings for people". He did not say this as it was a problem, but proud of it.
"I don't have feelings". If this is a genuine sentiment, than that is worrying. Emotional numbness/lack of affect is one of the signs of psychopathy. That does not mean the person is violent or dangerous, but psychopaths often have low inhibition and high sensation-seeking drives, so they just 'think it, do it'. That can make it vey tough to do any kind of consistent or routine job, especially if there are repercussions for not following set procedures (engineering or medicine for example)
Nah. So-called “alpha males” are full of rage, anger, hatred, resentment, jealousy, insecurity, fear, sadness, longing, hurt. They’re 100% highly emotional & have the feels big time. It’s just they’re usually not the healthy, good, positive feelings.
Load More Replies...My brother in law has bragged to me several times about the eye doctor saying he has the strongest eyelids she has ever dealt with.
LOL - maybe that's a flex? Cannot imagine when that would come in handy, though.
Bar pickup line at an ophthalmologists' convention maybe?🤔
Load More Replies...When he gives you a wink, the force waves knock you back twenty feet.
“I went to college!”
This was said to me with indignation by a customer at a Barnes & Noble as part of a tantrum when I, an employee, kindly asked that he be careful reading a book (that he didn’t pay for) in our cafe while drinking the coffee I just handed him.
"Well, at college they had both a bookstore and a library. Did you confuse them back then too?"
Older gent, engineer. I don't share info with anyone incase they know more than me and steal my job. What an idiot. .
Which is very valuable when you don't want to be promoted.
Load More Replies...The thing is... Job security is real in most places, but not sharing ANY info is just rude. Always keep one or two things for yourself, but show you can be a team player.
I worked in a semiconductor FAB in Albuquerque. A person from a FAB in San Jose came to do something and was amazed that all the manuals were on a shelf where everyone could use them. At his FAB long ago all the manuals had been hidden by people.
FAB must mean fab, as in fabrication. Otherwise it's nonsensical. I don't know why you would ALLCAPS it.
Load More Replies...Sounds like my exs mum. If she shared a recipe with me, she would leave an ingredient out so hers would always be better...her son would love her cooking more than mine...so glad he's an ex...good riddance Leona
" I ordered over 200,000 dollars in chicken, do you know how much chicken that is "
Me : "wow"
For context i was a manager at a strip club and these high rollers owned a very succesful chain of meat markets.
You can only choke your chickens so much before you need some motivation?
Load More Replies...I once attended a free gala dinner. Turns out that man catered for it and supplied all cheese for a big burger chain. Nobody knew
"I just ate a pound of bacon...".
The next day's bowel movement will be horrific, but OK. Plus, if you do that regularly, you'll probably die of heart disease while on your way to the toilet.
I could possibly eat a pound over several hours but in one go is a bit stupid.
I feel like it's a monkey's paw situation. I can't say I don't want a pound of bacon, but with my luck it's going to be a pound of crispy bacon when what I really want is a pound of the floppy bacon.
Load More Replies...I love bacon but there was a “craze” about a decade ago now that got really really annoying
But we did get Bacon Sundaes out of the craze, which were, surprisingly, actually pretty amazing.
Load More Replies...I live alone and still put a paper towel over the bacon to slow down its consumption. But I also steal a piece whenever I'm not looking, so I still get to yell "slow down on the bacon!"
“I don’t take sick days; I just come to work and do my job”. We work in education, funny how he isn’t here post 2021. But you know.. we have years of whole classes getting sick to look back on.
I have to say this one drives me up the wall. I had a year where for some reason I was sick constantly. I was a speech therapist working in a developmental preschool. We were talking about this one day and the OT said she always comes to work, she’s come to work with diarrhea and just had to run to the bathroom constantly. She’s gotten to work and had to vomit beside her car And all I can think of is you’re passing those germs onto the rest of us and why do you think there are rules about when kids can come to school when they don’t feel well?
In places where annual holiday entitlement runs to 30 days or more (especially in teaching), the concept of 'sick days' doesn't really exist. There are people, though, who will brag about never having had a day off work through sickness but it's much more of a "look how healthy I am" thing than anything else.
I went from manufacturing to working as a school custodian. The HR mgr told me I SHOULD take my 4 PTO(personal) days/year. As I was saving them to get the attendance bonus. Once we got up to $18/hr, the math worked. One perk was in 7 years not taking any, I cashed in my sick days ($50 each).
Load More Replies...Sister in law brags about how hard it is to get her blood drawn. Was especially proud when the cancer infusion people had to help her once. Like why is that a good thing, it sounds awful.
I do get a silly little flush of pride when nurses say, "You have good veins." Thanks, I made them.
Teach me your ways. I'm on a first-name basis with the poor tech that has to draw my blood because they always have to get her when it's time to draw blood from me. It's super uncomfortable 😂
Load More Replies...It is awful. I have trouble frequently. Right now I have a large bruise on my left arm where blood was drawn yesterday.
I have the same problem but I'm usually telling it to a medical professional as a warning. And it's definitely not a brag.
I had a nurse in training once trying to find a vein, fishing for it with a needle like I was an orange. I nearly passed out. Another nurse saw what was happening and quickly took over..found my vein straight away...im lucky the TN didn't hook my aterery...huge bruised wrist as a souvenir
I once heard a guy brag about how he can recite the entire alphabet backwards while doing a handstand. I mean, that’s impressive, but also very specific for a party trick.
Friends and I practiced doing the alphabet backwads for just this reason. Never came up, but we were ready!
Load More Replies...Here's my flex - I can not only recite the alphabet backwards, but can recite the phonetic alphabet backwards! (Zulu, Yankee, x-ray ...) I attempted this to keep my brain busy to try to fall asleep. Everybody clap! 😆
I will clap. I cant even recite the alphabet forwards while sober😅 I can manage the regular letters (somehow), but the Estonian alphabet has some letters that are sometimes included and sometimes not, and if they are included they go either after "S", or to the end of the alphabet and I just cant keep track where that d**n "Š" or "Ž" is supposed to be this time.
Load More Replies...When I was about 10 or 11 I saw a TV show where a guy in the audience was told he'd get $10 for every letter of the alphabet he could say backwards correctly before making a mistake. TV show from late 1950's and I took that as a challenge and can recite it to this day. Fun stuff. I can also write backwards, upside down, AND upside down backwards.
There was a woman on the show Hard Quiz who bragged about this but when she did it, you could barely make out what each letter was.
A boss at my old job once told me he'd "never let his wife ride the bus."
First, congratulations on owning a car. Second, what, does she have to ask you to leave the house? Are you not married to an adult who can make her own decisions?
This dude I worked with a while ago would come into work every Monday with a new story about how he survived some 50 mph motorcycle accident or gotten into a huge fight. Like dude you just sound like an unstable liar.
Me, an adult, visiting a friend whose cousin (also both adults) was also there. I said something and used “google” like a verb and the cousin yelled, “WE BING IN THIS HOUSE,” like he was scolding a child. I laughed but he yelled it again louder.
Mate, even Microsoft employees use Google. And Apple products. It's not a big deal.
“I have a bachelor degree in psychology. As your friend I just want to help you and you seriously need a visit to the psych ward since I suspect you’re borderline personality disorder.”
I was stunned by this person and her claims (only a clinical psychologist can confirm formal diagnosis if borderline personality disorder or any other diagnoses . I asked her politely why and she told me that I was having severe identity issues. I told her I knew who I was. She was very upset and we needed help(ironic) but we didn’t get it. Oh well. Luckily she did GET PROFESSIONAL help and I don’t have borderline personality disorder.
The icing is it sounds like she's mixing up BPD with dissociative identity disorder
Aye. Borderline personality disorder is NOT a disorder you go to the psych ward for, it is treatable in an outpatient setting. Neither OP nor the one with the degree seem to understand what BPD is. It is not an identity issue, it's closer to a form of bipolar disorder with rapid onset of mood swings, compared to bipolar disorder where the manic and depression states last for longer periods of time and switch more slowly.
Load More Replies...person needs a Bachelor Degree in minding their own effing business
A bachelor degree in psychology... as if there's any qualification more useless or ubiquitous than that. Psychology graduates a ten a penny.
Yep, I'm one. Never got an advanced degree and certainly never claimed I could diagnose anyone! Learned a lot of fascinating things, though!
Load More Replies...Not only a psychologist, but also a psychiatrist can confirm a formal diagnosis.
“I went to school on Halloween dressed as The Crow. Not Eric Draven from the movie but the character from my fanfic.” -that person was me.
A former flatmate of mine claimed he was very eco-conscious and thrifty, and for that reason, he very rarely used the washing machine and only needed one paper toilet roll a month.
For context, he was trying to justify a 5€ discount on the flatmates' shared expenses - after 8 months of never spending a dime on them nor doing anything for the flat.
Who needs toilet paper when you just can pee in an bag an throw it in an dumpster from second floor? (As stated above..)
He'll need that washing machine to wash the 'skidmarks' off his undies since he can't wipe well.
Since my wife died I've noticed how much less frequently the TP roll needs replacing, probably lasts two or three weeks on average. Nothing to brag about but I do sometimes find it quite shocking to learn just how much some people use.
Oh this one again. Women need to use more paper! They get wetter than men do when they pee.
Load More Replies... Not necessarily a flex but a guy from another company called me and said "my name is 'von something' and I insist on the 'von' ".
Needless to say everyone at my work kept calling him just 'something'.
I recently found a bunch of "Von MyLastName" family that I didn't know existed. When I asked an aunt, she snickered and said that branch just decided to add the Von because they wanted to be better than the rest of us. Whatever. Lol
German as in Claus von Stauffenberg, or Philip von Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg (Queen Elizabeth II's old man)
Load More Replies...I know a lot of people with the last name "Speaking", you know, when you call a place and the person answers "Sally Speaking". Sure must be a big family.
A friend said this: "My mom flies her housemaid in business class with her so she doesn't have to carry any luggage, even her handbag."
Im from India, and her mom travels to like 10 countries a year, lol.
“I can name all the Disney princesses“ (from a 45 yr old man).
He's married but has no kids. And he said it with a straight face. Not the slightest bit of sarcasm. Just wanted to let people know.
I don't think that's a bad thing. Grown men are allowed to enjoy Disney movies.
I agree, but it wouldn't impress me, from a man or woman, as I don't like Disney.
Load More Replies...Grown-ups can be Disney Fans too, I've heard there's now a trend at Disney Parks of adults visiting without kids and IMO why shouldn't they
There are certain adults-only areas in Disney World, as far as I know.
Load More Replies...I don’t know if this is a flex, but it’s kind of funny & interesting. Like, how does he know them all? Why? Is his wife wayyyyyy into Disney so he’s put up with it for so long & so often he just happens to know them all?
Why would you suggest it has anything to do with his wife?
Load More Replies...A friend of mine said she was proud of convincing her nephew out of applying for high school.
If you click on the TinfoilI above it will take you to the original thread on reddit, where TinfoilI explains that they don't live in the US and in that country at 15-16 years they get to choose what type of education they want. And the "other option" is vocational school. So, in fact, the person in question might even be right to be proud of talking someone out of high school if the better fit for them is vocational school.
Load More Replies...Erm 🤔🤦♀️it’s colleges you apply to n uni lol high school or as is in uk here secondary school is a given you get no choice 😂
"I'm such a good liar. You won't believe the things I've said that people believe."
We were at work. And Yes, they had a Sales role.
I knew a fellow who bragged about all the times he got away with lies and shady actions to avoid obeying laws. Then he tried to convince me to have a relationship with him and wondered why I didn't go for it.
Chances are they are conventionally attractive. Not guaranteed, but it would help with the lying and the sales.
OK, I'm a convincing liar, but only for humorous purposes. I once convinced a friend there's no Italian word for chicken, and my stepdaughter and I convinced the other stepdaughter that the vaccination she was going to get at school would be done in the butt cheek :D
Those are inocent lies, and I guess you later tell them the truth. Like when you say to the bride that you love her dress even if you don't like it: she's spent a lot of time choosing It, she probably loves it, and she'll wear It only once. No need to tell what you really think here.
Load More Replies... My one college roommate and I had like a 10 minute conversation when he claimed his s**t didn't stink. I laughed at first because I thought it was a joke based on the popular idiom, but no, as he continued talking I realized he really, genuinely, thought his s**t didn't stink.
As a roommate, you learn things about people you sometimes wish you didn't. But I can verify, his s**t didn't not stink. .
I feel that there might have been a medical explanation for that... And part of me wonders if it is a bad thing...
I once had a classmate brag that he could rotate molecules in his head faster than another student. We were all chemistry majors. 🙄.
Gee, I didn't know you could rotate your molecules. Is it a talent like rolling your tongue?
I *suspect* the person meant that he could visualize the 3-D structure of a molecule and rotate that imagined structure quite quickly.
Load More Replies... "look how tiny that baby is"
"I've seen smaller".
This reminds me of the spoken part in the song "Steal my sunshine": "Man, I've never seen Karen look so bad", "I did once before, but this is pretty bad". Always struck me as a really odd exchange.
"I can borrow a dog whenever I want.".
“I make the best kool aid. “ she was so proud at the age of close to 60. I said what do you use? “Two cups of sugar per package. “. Ugh.
I'm really not trying to be a topper, I'm just going to share that one time I only had a half a cup of sugar and lime Koolaid. I went for it and it was fine, so I've done that ever since. But two cups, aren't you just drinking sludge?
Why do you need to add sugar to koolaide? Isn't it a cordial that has sugar already? I don't live in the US so I've never had it and I'm genuinely curious. Is it a liquid or a powder?
Load More Replies...My all-time favorite is the employee who was leaving right on time to help his wife with their newborn. The boss mocked him and bragged about having three kids and not having changed a single diaper in his life. Employee: "I'd be too ashamed to ever admit being that worthless of a husband."
Don't forget that there's a person we all know who bragged about being able to say "Person, woman, man, camera, TV" in that order.
My swim teacher told my mother that at every lesson he makes at least one boy cry. He was very proud of how strict he was. I learned swimming somewhere else 😁
The students at the school I work at are currently doing swimming lessons. One told me their instructor call them all idiots and annoying. She reported it to her teacher, so hopefully they don't have to have them again.
Load More Replies...Notably absent - "I was so wasted/shitfaced/stoned", because drugnuts actually think this impressive.
My sister claims a party must have been good, if she can't remember it. No matter how many times I tell her that is untrue and unhealthy she won't listen. I'm really hoping she grows out of it, but she's already 25 so who knows.
Load More Replies...This is a minor one but people who see horror movies as a challenge to not be frightened annoy me. “I wasn’t scared at all!” Oookay but did you enjoy the story or think the themes it was exploring were interesting? Would you go to see a comedy and actively try not to laugh?
I am with you, never liked it too. I do not enjoy being scared and i like a good story. I most horror movies people are so unbelievable stupid that you have to fill the plot holes with jump scares. Hate it
Load More Replies...Added to the list. Is the guy who knows a guy that's drives a Maserati, made a million off of bit coin, made a million on ticktoc...etc
An Airman once bragged about "I'm a straight G Sergeant Lost Panda! I just went into A1C XYZ's room and jacked his stuff". While laughing... Alright dude... Wait here with me while Master Sergeant calls SPs... Still have no idea what the kid thought was going to happen...
What does that even mean? Translate, please?
Load More Replies...My favorites are the foos who "only read science fiction". Like, wow, there are no decent authors in any other field and Shakespeare was for idiots.
One of my colleagues (very low level govt employee) told me recently she was more qualified, smarter and more ethical than anyone else in the Department. Err, has never held any higher position, no formal education (apart from high school so no tertiary), and constantly arguing and blowing her stack at people for perceived 'wrongs'. I was dumbfounded.
My all-time favorite is the employee who was leaving right on time to help his wife with their newborn. The boss mocked him and bragged about having three kids and not having changed a single diaper in his life. Employee: "I'd be too ashamed to ever admit being that worthless of a husband."
Don't forget that there's a person we all know who bragged about being able to say "Person, woman, man, camera, TV" in that order.
My swim teacher told my mother that at every lesson he makes at least one boy cry. He was very proud of how strict he was. I learned swimming somewhere else 😁
The students at the school I work at are currently doing swimming lessons. One told me their instructor call them all idiots and annoying. She reported it to her teacher, so hopefully they don't have to have them again.
Load More Replies...Notably absent - "I was so wasted/shitfaced/stoned", because drugnuts actually think this impressive.
My sister claims a party must have been good, if she can't remember it. No matter how many times I tell her that is untrue and unhealthy she won't listen. I'm really hoping she grows out of it, but she's already 25 so who knows.
Load More Replies...This is a minor one but people who see horror movies as a challenge to not be frightened annoy me. “I wasn’t scared at all!” Oookay but did you enjoy the story or think the themes it was exploring were interesting? Would you go to see a comedy and actively try not to laugh?
I am with you, never liked it too. I do not enjoy being scared and i like a good story. I most horror movies people are so unbelievable stupid that you have to fill the plot holes with jump scares. Hate it
Load More Replies...Added to the list. Is the guy who knows a guy that's drives a Maserati, made a million off of bit coin, made a million on ticktoc...etc
An Airman once bragged about "I'm a straight G Sergeant Lost Panda! I just went into A1C XYZ's room and jacked his stuff". While laughing... Alright dude... Wait here with me while Master Sergeant calls SPs... Still have no idea what the kid thought was going to happen...
What does that even mean? Translate, please?
Load More Replies...My favorites are the foos who "only read science fiction". Like, wow, there are no decent authors in any other field and Shakespeare was for idiots.
One of my colleagues (very low level govt employee) told me recently she was more qualified, smarter and more ethical than anyone else in the Department. Err, has never held any higher position, no formal education (apart from high school so no tertiary), and constantly arguing and blowing her stack at people for perceived 'wrongs'. I was dumbfounded.
