Parents Called Out For Their Parenting After 11 Y.O. Daughter Has A Meltdown Over An iPhone
God, Mom! You’re ruining my life! You’ll never understand me! Slams bedroom door.
Any parent of a teenager probably knows exactly what it feels like to hear something along those lines, but just because it’s expected at a certain point doesn’t make it sting any less. That’s why one parent recently reached out to Reddit to find out if they’re actually ruining their pre-teen daughter’s life by refusing to buy her the phone she wants. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as a conversation with Amy Morrison, Founder of Pregnant Chicken.
It’s easy for the smallest things to feel like the end of the world when you’re a child
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)
So after this parent was told that they’re ruining their daughter’s life, they reached out to the internet for a second opinion
Image credits: Liza Summer / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Zana Latif / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Able_Text5286
“While it might feel like an easy fix to just give her what she wants, it won’t help her gain the skills she needs as an adult, like problem solving, dealing with disappointment, and resilience”
To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to parenting expert and Founder of Pregnant Chicken, Amy Morrison. According to Amy, it’s absolutely normal for kids to make bold claims like this to their parents. “It’s hard being a teen,” she told Bored Panda. “You are navigating the transition from childhood to adulthood with the pressures of school, body changes, and a need for independence all while trying to fit in with your peers navigating the same choppy waters. Life unsurprisingly feels pretty catastrophic many days.”
Amy also provided some suggestions for how parents can respond when their children feel like their lives have been ruined. “Empathy goes a long way in situations like this. Recognizing their feelings while still sticking to boundaries is not mutually exclusive,” she explained. “If you have budgeted $600 for her phone, then that’s what she’s working with. While it might feel like an easy fix to just give her what she wants – few parents want to see their kids hurt or embarrassed – it won’t help her gain the skills she needs as an adult, like problem solving, dealing with disappointment, and resilience.”
And while Amy understands that it’s easy for parents to take these inevitable situations personally, she wants moms and dads to know that “your child wanting to fit in with their peers is not a reflection on how much you have or haven’t given them in the past as much as they are trying to create an environment with as little friction as possible.”
“It’s less about deciding whether what your child wants is reasonable and more about sticking to your set parameters,” the expert says. She suggests the parents tell their daughter something along these lines: “The iPhone 15 Pro Max sounds great, and I can see why you’d want it. We’ve set aside $600 for your phone, so if you want to save up your birthday money or figure out a way to make up the difference we’re happy to add that to your savings.”
Image credits: Jessica Lewis thepaintedsquare / pexels (not the actual photo)
Most children today receive their first phone between the ages of 10-14
The Washington Post recommends that a good age for a child to receive their first smartphone would be between 10-14, but according to Common Sense Media, 42% of kids already have one by the age of 10. It’s entirely up to the parents to decide when their kiddos are ready for a cell phone, but it’s likely that little ones will start feeling the pressure to get one as soon as their friends start using them. There are valid reasons to hold off on getting your child a smartphone, however, as Wait Until 8th, an organization dedicated to convincing parents not to give their kids smartphones until 8th grade, notes how rapidly this technology is impacting childhood.
Wait Until 8th reports that kids spend between 3-7 hours in front of screens each day, and research has shown that smartphones are addictive in the same way slot machines are. Smartphones can be a huge distraction from academics, and excessive smartphone use has actually been found to alter children’s brains.
Image credits: Julia M Cameron / pexels (not the actual photo)
But some experts recommend that parents hold off as long as possible before getting their kids a smartphone
Spending too much time on their phones can interfere with children’s relationships, increase their risk for anxiety and depression, put kids at risk for cyber bullying, and even expose kids to inappropriate content.
But as a parent, saying no to your children is much easier said than done. Despite the fact that an iPhone 15 Pro Max costs upwards of $1,199, the pressure that kids feel to keep up with what others have can be incredibly powerful. Middle school is already an incredibly vulnerable time, and when classmates come in flaunting their brand new shoes, fancy jewelry or expensive iPhone, it’s natural for their peers to become jealous.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this parent made the right choice to give their child a slightly older iPhone? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing parenting, look no further than right here!
Image credits: Sultan Raimosan / pexels (not the actual photo)
Some readers assured the parent that they were right to not give their daughter the newest phone
Meanwhile, others judged the parent for giving their young daughter a smartphone in the first place
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getting a phone at 9 years old is ridiculous honestly, maybe with limits would be alright if it was a necessity. but social media?? she's not even 13 that's not even legal
It's also extremely dangerous, if she's on social media. I only recently made an Instagram account (I'm older than 16) and that was to be able to talk to a friend. There are so many things on social media that you absolutely SHOULD NOT be exposed to until you are older.
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In all honestly, kids shouldn't have technology, at least and most definitely not social media. I did not get a phone until I was 13 and even to this day, I'm 17, I never had social media. When I was younger I was jealous of the other kids with phones but now i'm grateful I didn't get one so young, social media can be so negative, and have terrible impacts on kids. If you're a parent and want your kid to be able to text and contact with you, there are phones that literally all you can do is text and call. Sure the kid may be upset, but in the long run they'll be grateful. This is coming from a 17 who never had tiktok, FB, snapchat, Insta etc, ( except Reddit and Bored Panda, only because I could sneak it lol), I'm glad I didn't have any of that stuff when I was young.
If you're seriously 17, I'm impressed! You sound so mature, which is refreshing these days. I was in highschool in the late 90s/early 2000s. Kids were only just starting to get the first cell phones that could only be used for talk/text. There were no smartphones yet. My parents never gave me a phone. Never. If I needed to call a friend outside our area code, I could ask my dad to use his cell phone to call. He and my stepmother only had cell phones because we were a big family, my dad worked on the farm and was often driving out to the woods, etc. So having phones was more about checking in with each other and organising stuff regarding us kids. I never even asked for a phone. None of my younger siblings ever got one. At 18 I moved to Germany, then 2 years later to Massachusetts, and that's when I bought my first cell phone at 20 years old! I kinda regret making the switch to a smartphone when I was 27, because now there's just no going back.
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I'm nearly 50 and I've never had a cell phone that even costs $600! Kids are so brainwashed about technology. When I was young there was peer pressure of course, but all I wanted was a pair of jeans from the Gap. My parents would have laughed me out of the room if I demanded something that costs hundreds of dollars!
I’m almost 60, so the iPhone issue wasn’t even a thing when I was young! BUT, reading all of this makes me think back to 1980, when I was turning 16. For that birthday, I begged and BEGGED for my own TV, and just a basic little B&W one, at that (no smart TVs back then). So did my parents get me one? No, they did not…and yet here I am, still alive and kicking all these decades later! I learned from an early age that life isn’t fair and most people don’t get what they want all the time. I also learned that if I wanted stuff that my parents wouldn’t get me, then I would just have to buy it with my own money.
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Here's the thing with the YTA people, they are right but almost every classmate I had was surprised I didn't have a phone by 4th grade. So I wouldn't say YTA.
I'd be giving the little brat a handful of quarters, and tell to try and find a PAYPHONE!!! Some parents really need a head shaking!
Give that kid the "2 tin cans connected by a string" way of communicating. If she wants to talk long distance, get a longer string. 😀
I used to babysit two girls. I babysat the older one before her sister was born, and she was always sweet, engaged, and intelligent. Then their parents bought them an iPad and the older girl became very selfish (not letting her younger sister use the ipad) and would just focus on watching videos on the iPad. It was very sad to see this sweet girl become absolutely obsessed with the iPad (she wasn't even in kindergarten yet). Her parents saw absolutely no problem with her always being on it, and even recommended just letting her be on it whenever she wanted.
Because parents don't want to parent anymore, they use the iPads and smartphones as their babysitters. Giving technology to kids isn't bad, the amount that they use it+what they use it for is what should be monitored.
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Unbelievable. I don't even spend so much money on a phone... I have a decent Samsung smartphone, but the price was never near 1200 euros or dollars. My daughter got a smartphone when she turned 10 last year, but it's a simple Android device that costed about 150 euros. She has a screen time limiter and is not allowed social media except for WhatsApp. She likes to text her friends, play games and watch YouTube video's. She's happy with this phone, she can do all the things she likes with it. I really can't imagine what a 10 or 11 year old could want to do that requires such an expensive phone.
Every generation of kids has claimed 'everyone else in my class has one' when they want something badly and it's usually a lie. It's not really about the phone, it's about the standards of behaviour and boundaries you set as parents in order to raise what you think is a decent, humble, hard-working human. If it was me, I'd politely rescind the offer and let her live without a phone for a while.
She absolutely does not need that iphone.. if she wants to continue being a gamer encourage that. An iphone is a literal joke gaming device. Tell her hard no on that garbage... could get her a phone, steam deck and Switch OLED for the same price... its NOT about gaming or her hobbies at this point.
If she wants it so bad, have her work for it. Give her a list of chores and a dollar amount, pay her for the chores she does. When SHE has saved up enough money to pay the difference, then buy her the phone she wants. This way, she has to keep the money she makes (learn to save) and once she’s saved it, she can decide if she really wants to spend it on a phone, or if she’d rather use it for something else. Also, tell her if she breaks the phone, parents are not getting her a new one, so get a screen protector and a good case!
No way she is complaining over an IPHONE. That s**t is expensive asf and I can’t believe she is freaking out about how “old” it is. When i was 11 i got. ONEPLUS PHONE for Christmas (which got water damaged in the summer so currently i have a Nokia). However, I’ll probably get a new phone in probably 2 1/2 years.
The fact that the 17 year old made a mature answer and telling the dad to parent. I have a basic phone as a backup for my kid as she's close to learning how to use a phone. Too young for social media. No kid needs a $1000 phone. If she's going to act like that, either don't give her a phone or give her a basic.
Yeah, it's a different world now. When I was a teen, we considered a friend truly privileged if the had a phone extension in their room, let alone their own dedicated phone number. Just getting a turn on the phone was a big deal when the whole family shared a line. But you learned how to wait and you learned how not to get grounded from the phone. Nowadays, kids think that is abuse!
Lol at all the yta people who are clutching their pearls because a child has rights. That said, this little brat is a monster and they need to rein her in while they still can. If I were the parent that little fool would be communicating by two soup cans and a string until she remembers who pays the bills.
More to the argument of what every body else has/ does...where is that parent going to draw the line for dating/pregnancy , alcohol/drugs , clothing/cars etc
getting a phone at 9 years old is ridiculous honestly, maybe with limits would be alright if it was a necessity. but social media?? she's not even 13 that's not even legal
It's also extremely dangerous, if she's on social media. I only recently made an Instagram account (I'm older than 16) and that was to be able to talk to a friend. There are so many things on social media that you absolutely SHOULD NOT be exposed to until you are older.
Load More Replies... In all honestly, kids shouldn't have technology, at least and most definitely not social media. I did not get a phone until I was 13 and even to this day, I'm 17, I never had social media. When I was younger I was jealous of the other kids with phones but now i'm grateful I didn't get one so young, social media can be so negative, and have terrible impacts on kids. If you're a parent and want your kid to be able to text and contact with you, there are phones that literally all you can do is text and call. Sure the kid may be upset, but in the long run they'll be grateful. This is coming from a 17 who never had tiktok, FB, snapchat, Insta etc, ( except Reddit and Bored Panda, only because I could sneak it lol), I'm glad I didn't have any of that stuff when I was young.
If you're seriously 17, I'm impressed! You sound so mature, which is refreshing these days. I was in highschool in the late 90s/early 2000s. Kids were only just starting to get the first cell phones that could only be used for talk/text. There were no smartphones yet. My parents never gave me a phone. Never. If I needed to call a friend outside our area code, I could ask my dad to use his cell phone to call. He and my stepmother only had cell phones because we were a big family, my dad worked on the farm and was often driving out to the woods, etc. So having phones was more about checking in with each other and organising stuff regarding us kids. I never even asked for a phone. None of my younger siblings ever got one. At 18 I moved to Germany, then 2 years later to Massachusetts, and that's when I bought my first cell phone at 20 years old! I kinda regret making the switch to a smartphone when I was 27, because now there's just no going back.
Load More Replies... I'm nearly 50 and I've never had a cell phone that even costs $600! Kids are so brainwashed about technology. When I was young there was peer pressure of course, but all I wanted was a pair of jeans from the Gap. My parents would have laughed me out of the room if I demanded something that costs hundreds of dollars!
I’m almost 60, so the iPhone issue wasn’t even a thing when I was young! BUT, reading all of this makes me think back to 1980, when I was turning 16. For that birthday, I begged and BEGGED for my own TV, and just a basic little B&W one, at that (no smart TVs back then). So did my parents get me one? No, they did not…and yet here I am, still alive and kicking all these decades later! I learned from an early age that life isn’t fair and most people don’t get what they want all the time. I also learned that if I wanted stuff that my parents wouldn’t get me, then I would just have to buy it with my own money.
Load More Replies... Here's the thing with the YTA people, they are right but almost every classmate I had was surprised I didn't have a phone by 4th grade. So I wouldn't say YTA.
I'd be giving the little brat a handful of quarters, and tell to try and find a PAYPHONE!!! Some parents really need a head shaking!
Give that kid the "2 tin cans connected by a string" way of communicating. If she wants to talk long distance, get a longer string. 😀
I used to babysit two girls. I babysat the older one before her sister was born, and she was always sweet, engaged, and intelligent. Then their parents bought them an iPad and the older girl became very selfish (not letting her younger sister use the ipad) and would just focus on watching videos on the iPad. It was very sad to see this sweet girl become absolutely obsessed with the iPad (she wasn't even in kindergarten yet). Her parents saw absolutely no problem with her always being on it, and even recommended just letting her be on it whenever she wanted.
Because parents don't want to parent anymore, they use the iPads and smartphones as their babysitters. Giving technology to kids isn't bad, the amount that they use it+what they use it for is what should be monitored.
Load More Replies... Unbelievable. I don't even spend so much money on a phone... I have a decent Samsung smartphone, but the price was never near 1200 euros or dollars. My daughter got a smartphone when she turned 10 last year, but it's a simple Android device that costed about 150 euros. She has a screen time limiter and is not allowed social media except for WhatsApp. She likes to text her friends, play games and watch YouTube video's. She's happy with this phone, she can do all the things she likes with it. I really can't imagine what a 10 or 11 year old could want to do that requires such an expensive phone.
Every generation of kids has claimed 'everyone else in my class has one' when they want something badly and it's usually a lie. It's not really about the phone, it's about the standards of behaviour and boundaries you set as parents in order to raise what you think is a decent, humble, hard-working human. If it was me, I'd politely rescind the offer and let her live without a phone for a while.
She absolutely does not need that iphone.. if she wants to continue being a gamer encourage that. An iphone is a literal joke gaming device. Tell her hard no on that garbage... could get her a phone, steam deck and Switch OLED for the same price... its NOT about gaming or her hobbies at this point.
If she wants it so bad, have her work for it. Give her a list of chores and a dollar amount, pay her for the chores she does. When SHE has saved up enough money to pay the difference, then buy her the phone she wants. This way, she has to keep the money she makes (learn to save) and once she’s saved it, she can decide if she really wants to spend it on a phone, or if she’d rather use it for something else. Also, tell her if she breaks the phone, parents are not getting her a new one, so get a screen protector and a good case!
No way she is complaining over an IPHONE. That s**t is expensive asf and I can’t believe she is freaking out about how “old” it is. When i was 11 i got. ONEPLUS PHONE for Christmas (which got water damaged in the summer so currently i have a Nokia). However, I’ll probably get a new phone in probably 2 1/2 years.
The fact that the 17 year old made a mature answer and telling the dad to parent. I have a basic phone as a backup for my kid as she's close to learning how to use a phone. Too young for social media. No kid needs a $1000 phone. If she's going to act like that, either don't give her a phone or give her a basic.
Yeah, it's a different world now. When I was a teen, we considered a friend truly privileged if the had a phone extension in their room, let alone their own dedicated phone number. Just getting a turn on the phone was a big deal when the whole family shared a line. But you learned how to wait and you learned how not to get grounded from the phone. Nowadays, kids think that is abuse!
Lol at all the yta people who are clutching their pearls because a child has rights. That said, this little brat is a monster and they need to rein her in while they still can. If I were the parent that little fool would be communicating by two soup cans and a string until she remembers who pays the bills.
More to the argument of what every body else has/ does...where is that parent going to draw the line for dating/pregnancy , alcohol/drugs , clothing/cars etc
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