Acting like a "lady", smiling at strangers while walking down the street, looking like you just stepped out of a magazine cover — these are just a few things society assumes women want to do every day. Of course, it would be wrong to say that expectations for women haven’t changed in recent years. They certainly have, and for the better. But there’s still plenty of room for improvement.
Rubbergloves44 asked women of Reddit to share some of the outdated things they are expected to live up to, and they delivered. More than a thousand comments flooded the thread with subtle and not-so-subtle ways people set ridiculous presumptions about female behavior.
Whether it’s believing all women want children or need to be devoted to their lousy husbands, Bored Panda has selected some of the best answers from the thread. Upvote our favorites as you go, and let us know in the comments the outdated beliefs you personally think need to change right away.
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Policing the way women dress instead of policing the way men react to it
Automatically assuming all women enjoy, want and will have children.
Being docile and passive. We’re expected to take so much c**p on a daily basis without complaining. Sexual harassment? it’s just a compliment. Sexual assault? you had it coming. do you really want to ruin his life? Periods or any type of pain/illness? it’s not that bad. The amount of mental labor we’re expected to do is exhausting, but we have to do it or nothing would get done. And then men get offended and call us names when we assert ourselves or express any emotion other than happiness. Our boundaries are constantly trampled and we’re supposed to just take it with a smile. It’s so frustrating!
Taking care of a husband like he is an overgrown toddler incapable of doing anything for himself
A woman must be lady like
You know how I feel about that one? (Farts loudly) that’s how I feel
Having to defy the normal process of ageing and that ageing somehow diminishes our worth.
Ugh. This. Yes, I'm looking more like my grandma. So what? She had a boyfriend in her late 80s. :-)
A man can walk away from a pregnancy or a family and go on with life without a bat of an eye from society but heaven forbid a woman ever walk away from her kids
That all women want a man/relationship.
I'm happily single for years and don't want to be in a relationship. I don't get why people assume that single women aren't as happy as the ones in a relationship, when it was proven that single women are the happiest population out there.
Preach! I love being single. I was never the little girl who grew up fantasizing about my future wedding to my Prince Charming. I can't think of anything I'd rather do less. People always assume my life is unfulfilling and lonely but it's the complete opposite! I have 100% freedom to do whatever I want to do and I love it!
That doctors STILL do not provide adequate health care for us. And the fact that we still don't have autonomy of our bodies (in the US)
in the us or anywhere else ; trans surgery = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; breast removal surgery (for example to prevent cancer(or any other reason (confort etc...)) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; trying to get a tattoo = are you sure, you'll regret it ; plastic surgery = you don't need it ; uterus removal (like to stop periods and period pain) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body --- [for now (and certainly for ever ): I 'am' a woman so I'm not sure if it's a woman only thing or doctors and surgeons just don't listen to anyone]
That we shouldn’t show anger. Men always talk about how hard it is that when they cry, they’re called a pussy or something like that. I agree that that is a valid issue and I wish it weren’t that way, but I also wish that women could express anger without getting called a b***h or being called irrational. We get asked if we’re menstruating, we get told we’re overreacting. Just once I’d like to feel free to be angry.
Exactly! Like am I only supposed to have emotions while I'm hormonal??
Being ok with getting paid less than men for the same job
Dressing for men. I see many people tell women that they should not dye or cut their hair, not get tattoos, or wear certain fashion because it is unappealing to men. However, a lot of women nowadays (like me) dress for themselves and not for male pleasure.
That vaginas should be smooth always
For the love of God, need we remind people that vaginas are an INTERNAL organ ... the outer area consists of inner and outer labia, and vulva.
That women should do all the cooking and cleaning.
My kid's teacher once asked what the kids thought about cleaning: was it the woman's responsibility or is it something that both should take care of? Only kid in class who thought it was a shared responsibility, was mine. I think we have a long way to go.
Ugh, I live in the Southern US & the whole “wife must fix husbands dinner plate before hers or the children’s” is strong here. I get in debates all the time about this—it agitates me to no end. I don’t know why. It just comes off very misogynistic.
The reasoning I’ve heard from people I know is that “if your husband works hard then he should not have to fix his own food when he comes home” as if women don’t also work hard & almost always have to pull the second shift if kids are involved. I don’t understand why it’s such a debate. If it matters who eats first, then it should be the kids. If there’s no kids, then who cares? Both spouses can make their own plate or one (either one) can make both plates. I’m not a housewife or a waitress for my husband. We are equals, we both work & gender roles are outdated as hell.
The concept of virginity.
Always confused me as a kid--who were all these studs having sex with if the women were all virgins?
That they need to wear makeup to look presentable — think a professional setting, a lot of people have the notion that it is lazy for a woman to not have ANY makeup on.
Now I wear makeup sometimes and sometimes I don’t, I just think it’s an outdated expecting that half of the population has never had.
This is just because people (read men) who write these rules have no idea what makeup is. You can have your whole face covered in ´naked´ style and they will say ´ You see how good you look without all those colors on!´
Vulgar language is not feminine.
Stopped counting how many times I was told that but I always told them to f**k themselves
That women can’t do anything. Fixing things, manual labor, etc. I hate when my girlfriends say “I’m waiting on him to do this or that and it’s frustrating.” How about you get off your a*s and figure it out like he did. Lol
Yes, the division of labour along the lines of gender - makes no sense at all..
If the sexes were all the same … where would the fun begin? Viva la difference!
Load More Replies... There is a condition called "Learned Helplessness" it is massively down to how kids are brought up. The whole gender divide starts in small children, the girls play house with dolls, the boys play house with powertools(toy). So the pattern gets set that female = housemaker, male = house fixer. Many people just live those roles in their life. It is why I feel a sadness when people are presented with something new and the response is "I can't do that" You didn't even try.
This is true. Happily I got to play with legos and use dads tools. There aren't many things I can't do, and if I don't know I'll learn. Moms family motto is others do what they can, we do anything.
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I agree with this post but sometimes I am waiting on him to do X because he should have to do SOMETHING! Not because i can't but because so many things are my responsibility there's GOT to be something he is expected to do.
Yes. Please. Besides doing everything bad so it is not needed to be properly done. Again. By me.
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One thing my mum was determined to do was teach me to do as many of these tasks myself, she taught me to rewire a plug, and anything she couldn't teach me like changing a tyre she would pressure my dad to teach me if he dragged his feet after I asked him. If I wait on a partner to do something it's usually because I work 6 days a week and they work part-time, and it's frustrating if I have to use my limited free-time/energy to pick up a task they could have done weeks ago.
Or REDO a task he could easily had done properly. Just hate it
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My wife loves to learn how to work on cars, use power tools, and other household repairs. I like to teach her.
Been getting my sister her own out door power equipment for her last couple of birthdays. She loves it! Pressure washer, leaf blower, string trimmer, etc....
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My friend has never been mechanically minded. Anything with more that 3 parts is beyond her. Been that way all her life. And I bet there are men out there in the same boat.
More and more people are like this, because now you dont have to do anything, you can always have professional to do these things for you and usually even the price is so low that buying necessary tools etc would need you to do the task for several years to have it being worth to buy them. And I have to admit that even though I know I can learn to do most things (or already know how to do them) its just so much easier to have someone do it instead and be 100% sure its going to work. Changing tires and similar level of tasks tho I just do on principal that I wont pay anything for that :D
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Then you must know my husband. He can and will not fix anything - his father never knew how to do anything either! I've given up - can do a lot myself but some things are impossible and we can't afford professional help, so one has to improvise!
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My daughter and I just replumbed our kitchen sink. And we're in the process of remodeling our bathroom, so it's stripped right down to the studs at present. I'm thankful that my grandfather (b. 1909) was not only willing to teach me plumbing, electrical, carpentry, etc., but also enthusiastic about teaching me. He was a renaissance man. I still miss him.
Sounds like you were lucky to have him, just as he was lucky to have you.
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I love being single but I do sometimes wish I had someone around to fix stuff. They don't need a d**k in order to do it, just about 6 more inches of height lol. I am really uncomfortable on step ladders and it's hard to change a bulb or whatever when you're clinging to the wall or ceiling for balance.
I was the token handyperson in my neighborhood full of single parents. I was happy to fix flushers and diagnose car problems and use a hammer and nails and paintbrush, and install a waste disposal unit, that kind of thing. I was very popular, but not a single one of the women I helped was interested in learning how to do it themselves. The gender pressures are very strong in the US.
Sometimes I pretend to not know how to fix some small stuff for my beloved partner to fix himself. Even tho I would sometimes do it better he looks so happy when he is needed And Handy And I give him compliments. His feather denied him the handyman teaching so he is doing it himself ad I love And support him
Seriously. I used to go to work with my dad on construction jobs so I have alot of knowledge and know how to use tools and fix certain things. I know how to change a tire and do an oil change. "You need some help with that windshield fluid?" No I'm pretty sure I can pour liquid in a damn hole
Growing up, as a teen, I was the only one out of my entire group of (entirely male) friends who knew how to check the oil, ATF fluid, and radiator water level in a car. I also knew how to change brake pads and fan belts. My dad taught me everything about basic car maintenance. When I told him I wanted to be a mechanic, he said, “No daughter of mine is going to be a greasemonkey.” Sigh.
i always try to fix everything myself first. i love to learn something new and it feels good 😊. you can always ask for help if it doesn‘t work. i also wonder about woman, who automatically ask their men to do basic things - let‘s say just plugin a new tv. Then they‘ll say they are technical noobs and then they‘ll wonder why their men think they‘re dependent…
I agree, but not just for physical labor. Ladies, if you're waiting on him to propose, propose to him yourself! It'll get the same thing done. Or talk about marriage, and see if you're both on the same page. Either way, if you're waiting for him to do something that you can also do, do it yourself.
Listening to mom say we can find a man to fix a minor, easily fixed, problem on my car (I'm just lazy and haven't done it yet). Absolutely not! My husband taught me a lot about working on a car and I can do most of it. What I don't want to work on I will pay someone to do it.
Honestly I feel like a piece of s**t for this but here it is: If I was walking down the street and saw a guy trying to fix something w/his car(I know nothing about cars) I would probably be less likely to ask if he needed help then if it was a woman. It's god awful, but people in western society definitely have a varied level of learned mysoginy, and even possibly learned racism and (I f*****g hate this word but I can't think of any other word) misandry. It is a problem, and steps need to be taken to fix it. If I'm incorrect or you disagree, please feel free to tell me, as I always want to hear new viewpoints. ^w^
I worked on my car with my father. When I left home I was able to do most of the little things and figure out the big stuff. When rooms needed painting or wallpaper we were all in on it. I never saw a service person my whole life, my dad did it all. I recall sitting at a table with my sisters now ex husband. He pointed out a cob-web "she" hadn't taken care of in weeks. I looked at him, probably shocked and asked why the f* he hadn't cleaned it up if it bothered him so much. My mom shoveled snow, mowed the grass and raked the leaves. She has us out there once we were old enough. She always told us that our father worked hard all week she didn't want him to come home and feel like he had to do all the yard work too. We were the only females in our neighborhood that did it.
Males have testosterone which gives them the drive to... mate, build, fix, fight and kill things! Women DO NOT … they have estrogen which gives them the drive to... nest, nurture, protect and give birth to things. Would you men really want her to be any other way? I didn't think so. Viva la difference!
Yep. I learned how to do many things on my own. I was a single Mom & couldn't stomach the idea of "asking a man to do it". I've replaced faucets, drained hot water heaters, replaced light fixtures, changed my own damn flat tire & the oil in my car, etc. My love of tinkering started when I took the non-working vacuum apart when I was 10. Hey, if it's already broken ... turned out a pebble was preventing the fan motor from turning & the unit would overheat & shut off. Kept that thing running for another 5 years easy. My single Mother was thrilled. Next came replacing the drum belt in the clothes dryer. Again, saved her $$ she couldn't afford to spend. I'd much rather go to Home Depot than Nordstrom!
How about I don't want to do everything! I already do all the cleaning, laundry, house stuff. He can get off his ass and do something.
My father disapproved of me taking a course on car maintenance and repair, because it's "not feminine". Because apparently my magical vagina powers will ensure I never need to change a flat, or check my oil?
Yes, the father of my fiancé does all the mending of clothes in their family. Or he did until he got so ill he couldn't do it anymore. He was good at it.
For a long time I wished my Dad had taught me about car mechanics... then I realized, despite being a builder/construction guy (he taught me plenty of practical home repair skills, btw!) he really can't STAND working on cars. Turns out I love it.. I taught myself on an old BMW. BMWs, by the way, rely much more heavily on electronics-- meaning car problems can be fairly complex. Which means when you fix something, it's all the more satisfying!!
I love how the workload with my partner and I works. He does a lot of traditionally manly stuff and would never bear to see me carrying heavy bags etc., and I let him because he IS physically stronger than me, and it is easier for him to do straining manual labour, and he does know a lot more about mechanical/electrical things. I do a bunch of "feminine" stuff like cooking because I love it and he doesn't. But he doesn't feel that he cannot wash the dishes, I don't feel I cannot grab a spade when a hole needs digging. We do what we're good at and/or enjoy, and share the rest as equally as possible.
I can do it. I'm just lazy 🤣 I'd rather pay another woman to do it. Or man
I ran out of "can do attitude" a couple of weeks ago. Called the plumber, he bought his "Can Do" and the job got done. Not that I couldn't do it, I just didn't have the "can do" to do it.
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Because he expects me to take on traditional women work all the time...then he can darn well do the traditional men work. Otherwise I'm doing 100% of all the work and I'm not going to do that!
Based on my experience with the women I know, I suspect this is less "social conditioning" and more a personality aspect of many women... and men. We will avoid doing things we don't want to do. It's simply an aspect of life. All life is lazy. No life form does more than necessary to survive. Eat, sleep, reproduce... eat, sleep, reproduce... ad infinitum.
Can't up vote this one enough. Can't count the number of spare tires I have put on for women. All the tools they needed were in the car they were driving. The only thing I brought to the side of the road was my "can do" attitude.
Marie Curie. Your argument is stupid because men purposely omit females from history books. Oh and Heddy Lamar, without whom you wouldn't be able to write your ridiculous, unfounded remark. You're a misogynist. We get it.
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Being event coordinator, sender of household thank you notes, purchasing holiday gifts
My mom bought all the gifts for my dad's side of the family for 15 years. And when she told my dad, it's your turn now, all the gifts stopped.
Being devoted to shi**y husbands
I have known a couple of women that were with guys just because "it would upset them to break up".. Girl he gives you a blackeye and you don't want to upset him, buy a clue. Leave, leave now, if it upsets him, who cares. The guy is obviously a d**k and deserves to be upset and alone.
That women automatically make better caregivers (children or the elderly).
Honestly, most of the time they are. But that doesn't mean that, as a man, you shouldn't at least try.
Having to smile and accommodate other people’s awkward and rude behavior. The- “I’m sorry I can’t help but to say or notice” and what they is creepy, unwarranted, intrusive, interrupting, offensive etc. Get out of my space! I don’t care that my voice is unusually high pitched or that whatever you noticed or have to say about me.
Or the the whole thing of of, you would be so much prettier if you did ______. Or two i get a lot, you smell good, and your eyes are so pretty......yeah I know because I shower and use a lotion and body spray combo that I love and I see my eyes every day, if you are getting that close you need to back out of my space or you might be met with a flying hand.
Sex isn’t a right when you’re in a relationship. You have to maintain other parts of the relationship to keep that flame alive. “You must be cheating” isn’t going to make the situation any better.
I hated it when [my now ex wife] would use that line. As if I was just a sex doll to her, a piece of meat without any person behind the flesh. (now I am well enough to say that I was the victim of an abusive partner)
That woman have to take birth control (hormonal) in a long term relationship
Giving birth. It is the second most terrifying and painful thing a person can go through, the first is burning alive. The industry is great at hiding the many difficulties of pregnancy just to further the human race. You can permanently lose grey matter in your brain, weaken your bladder, develop allergies?? during and after pregnancy. Don't even get me started on the labour itself- i have no idea why any informed woman would want that. just google 4th degree tears and you'll be put off for life
I HAVE been burnt alive , and I would give birth if I could, I most likely can't (related to the burn thing) but if women are not ready to go through giving life to have a baby they can adopt; I understand women are also ready to go through this it's their choice how about the maximum informations about it and then they make their choice?
It's mind blowing how many guys expect you to be a free therapist to them. Like, uh, I didn't sign up for this.
Off topic but related. Being the therapist friend to anyone isn’t fun. Try not to get yourself in that position. I was that friend all through middle school but when I looked for help myself, none came. I’ve rid myself of being that friend in high school but now I don tell anyone when I need help because I got so used to never getting any.
Note: this post originally had 80 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
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the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
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Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
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I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
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I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies... Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
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Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
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These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
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I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
Load More Replies... the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
Load More Replies... Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
Load More Replies... I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
Load More Replies... I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies... Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
Load More Replies... Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
Load More Replies... These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
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