Nobody said you have to be friends with your colleagues. For most of us, tolerating them to keep the relationship civil is enough, and genuinely getting along is truly a blessing. But when an annoying coworker fails to manage their emotions and resolve disputes in a professional manner, it’s a one-way ticket to the unnecessary drama that erodes and undermines trust within the team.
In this case, the subject matter that takes center stage is allergies. Reddit user AITA199O reached out to the popular AITA community to ask people for advice after finding themselves in an argument… over a candy dish. It all started when a new employee, Heather, noticed Reese’s peanut butter cups on the user’s desk. She announced being allergic to peanuts and the author assured her she would not buy such candy in the future.
Under normal circumstances, things would have ended there. But instead, Heather started accusing the employee of being insensitive and “not respecting” her condition. What followed led to a heated argument and a lecture from HR that instantly sparked tension in the office. Let’s see the whole incident in full right below, and be sure to weigh in on the discussion in the comments!
This person asks if they were wrong to refuse to get rid of Reese’s cups from their desk since the new employee is highly allergic to peanuts
Image credits: Sarah Sphar (not the actual photo)
After being accused of “not respecting” the coworker’s allergy, they asked the internet to evaluate the situation
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Later on, the user added a few updates about the incident
Image credits: AITA199O
At first, the argument between the two coworkers seemed like a minor issue, but the situation went from zero to 100 in a matter of seconds. The story immediately caused a stir on the platform, with some users siding with the author and others deeming they were completely in the wrong.
However, such conflicts are more common than we think. In fact, it’s a given that people disagree at work. Whether between employees or between them and the management, disagreement is an inevitable part of the working environment. But while sometimes little debates are healthy and can lead to more involvement, creating unnecessary tensions can have dire effects on a person’s well-being.
According to a 2014 study by FairWay Resolution, 24% of employees in New Zealand had at least one disagreement or argument at their workplace that was serious enough to impact their ability to do their job. The top types of conflict were all work-related: differences in opinions about how to perform a task (21%), procedures or policies not being followed (17%), and working conditions and hours (14%).
Other top reasons were relationship conflict, particularly personality clashes or bullying (13%) and a bad attitude towards co-workers (10%). Alarmingly, these arguments are negative and unproductive, as they have nothing to do with the actual work and can last either several days or more than one month. “The longer the duration of the conflict, the greater the impact on the directly affected employees’ performance, and the performance of those supporting them from within the workplace,” the report stated.
To gain insight from an expert in the field, we reached out to Sunny Patel, a UK-based career-change coach aiming to help professionals find careers that excite them. According to him, arguments at work are often the result of a lack of communication. “We often take for granted that work is a ‘professional’ space and that the dynamic is shaped by that,” he told Bored Panda.
“In reality, most of us spend more time with colleagues than with friends and family. We’re sharing our space with people for a large amount of time, and communication, boundaries, and clarity are all just as important, as such they all need to be communicated,” Patel added.
Then the employee joined the discussion in the comments to clarify some details
Patel pointed out that referring to our colleagues and work friends as family is a cliché. Branding your company as one can even bring out toxic effects. However, the career coach explained that creating positive relationships with our coworkers sometimes requires just as much effort.
“Each team has a dynamic, and the vibe in the air at any given time shapes the environment for everyone,” he explained. “In these situations, the best leaders take things aside and de-escalate/resolve them away from the team as best they can.”
We also asked Patel to evaluate this particular situation. The career coach told us that in this case, when it comes to allergies, asking colleagues to take certain steps to keep the area “nut-free” is completely within reason. “Whether that’s a note on their desk, asking the team, or sending an e-mail. It’s such a fair request that there is no reason not to share it, just in a calm manner.”
“Should that fall short, then raising it to management as a legitimate health risk would also be fair,” Patel suggested. “If a collective approach doesn’t gather the whole team, then why not speak calmly to the specific person in question?” After all, conflict resolution is all about communication. It’s important to respect your coworkers and strive to settle conflicts as swiftly and calmly as possible so everyone can exist peacefully in the office.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this matter down below. Where do you land on this issue? Have you ever experienced similar situations at your office? Feel free to share your thoughts with us in the comments!
The post caused quite a stir in the community, with some people siding with the user
Others were on the fence or immediately deemed the employee was wrong, saying the coworker’s health should be the most important
Agreed. Does she want peanuts removed from everywhere? How does she grocery shop with those canned peanuts and peanut candies at check out? Is she suing movie theaters? Amusement parks? Is her plan to have every bakery shut down? Every restaurant? What about the gas station? If someone had some trail mix on their drive and then touched the handle of the pump does she sue the gas station or the driver that touched it? I understand that people have allergies but maybe know how deal with your own stuff instead of making everyone deal with it for you. I have some pretty major stuff in my life that I need to plan around so I can survive each day so I'm unsure how "Heather" thinks the world should work any differently for her.
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Im sorry I don’t get it. Why is you having candy with peanuts in it in your desk her issue? Is she eating your candy and doesn’t want to bother reading ingredients? Is she being forced to eat this candy as a hazing ritual? Why would you not be allowed to bring peanuts because she cant eat any? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard unless her allergy was so sever that even being in the same room with a peanut would send her to the hospital, which seems to clearly not be the case.
Okay, so my son has severe allergies to peanuts and wheat, among other things. The thing is, if someone in their office eats peanuts, then touches a shared printer or something and the allergic lady touches it, she could go into anaphylactic shock. I know this because it's happened to my little one. And the thing about the severity of an allergy, no one knows how badly someone will react. My son tested "intolerant" to bananas, but ended up in anaphylactic shock from ingesting yogurt that had it in its ingredients. That being said, the allergic lady was incredibly rude about it, so I don't think OP is an AH.
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As a person with severe peanut allergy, I side with the person with the Candy dish. Seriously, with this allergy I know it's ALWAYS a risk of exposure but I'm not telling other people what they can/can't do or eat. At work ( I'm a live in house parent at a teen girls home) we have a protocol in place for when clients/staff want to have peanut butter. If they are having a snack containing peanut butter, I am notified & go elsewhere. If the residents have the Candy, they are asked to not eat it near me, then wash hands and drink something before talking to me. (I am allergic enough that them talking to me in close range triggers a reaction.) I don't eat things unless I know what is in it/where it's been. It is not that hard to take preventative measures!
Im with you on both accounts. I have the same allergy at the same level and take the same precautions. I also work with kids, some of whom wont eat anything else, so we work around it. I dont supervise lunch or snack and all the kids have to wash thier hands right after eating every time (so as to not single any of them out). It works wonderfully and everyone is happy.
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Reminds me on the random women who blew up on me at the train because I had a peanut butter jelly sandwich in my hand, even coming over from her seat just to yell at me about her allergies.
the thing that I wondered about most is why the new girl didn't politely ask if he could take the reese's out, while explaning her allergy and what could happen. She just demanded it in a quite entiteled way. Thats where the communication started being off - no wonder OP replied the way he did!
Maybe she did. This is his side of the story and he sounds like a tool. If someone told me they had a peanut allergy, even if they did so sorta rudely, I'd be kind enough to agree not to bring them in the future. I had an employee react explosively because someone ate something with peanuts and touched a light switch she later touched.
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The people saying YTA, either didn't read the story or are "Heather's" friends and relatives. I have an allergy to fish and seafood. I am not going to go around and tell other people whether they can eat those things around me or not. If you have a peanut allergy, then don't eat anything with peanuts. Just because the Reeses were there doesn't mean that this lady had to eat them. Life is too short and too much is going on in the world right now for someone to be having a tantrum over candy that they don't have to eat. "Heather", if you ever read this, please get over yourself. Life is not always about you.
Read my post above about my employee with the peanut allergy. You're lucky that fish and seafood are rarely eaten in everyday work environments and that people usually wash it off of themselves when they're done with it before they touch light switches, shared computers, etc. People rarely do that after eating candy out of a communal bowl.
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As OP said, if she was so sensitive that she could get a reaction from airborne particles, I doubt she'd have been standing there arguing and I'd have thought it would have been mentioned. I don't understand how she came to the conclusion that she was being harassed and bullied - personally I'd have asked. With all that said, I would have just rolled my eyes and did what she said (without admitting fault or apologising). There are plenty of things that are important enough for me to stand my ground on but this wouldn't be one of them.
Does she walk into a supermarket and start blowing a gasket that all peanut products need to be removed? HR messed up big time here. I'm so sick of entitled people thinking the world revolves around them.
For some people, their peanut allergies are severe enough that they can't do their own grocery shopping, but that's not the issue here. Unlike with eating a meal, people often eat candy without washing their hands afterward. I had an employee that experienced a severe peanut reaction when she touched her face after turning on the light to the break room. Asking someone to make a small change to help prevent accidentally killing them (or at least sending them to the emergency room) isn't entitlement. In fact, it's peak entitlement to argue your right to eat reeses at work trumps your coworkers right to not be killed at work.
Load More Replies... it was poorly handled on both sides, but I remember in my elementary school all kids were told not to include any peanut items in their lunches because another student had severe peanut allergies. Once at camp, they gave out candy, but another camper started having a reaction because someone else ate something peanutty. People with severe allergies don't have to eat or come into contact with the actual peanut product because they can react from small airborne particles. Having an EpiPen is great as a backup, but even with an EpiPen, you still need treatment, b/c an EpiPen will wear off. The author of the post was pretty insensitive and does not understand the severity of peanut allergies, they're not like other allergies.
I don't think OP was insensitive but just uneducated. If you don't have or know someone with that kind of allergy to learn from, you are led to believe - I blame television for this - that epi-pens ARE a "cure".
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We have an overall peanut free policy at my workplace. We have thousands of employees as well as an on-site daycare. The daycare especially is very strict peanut free environment since these severe allergies can first show up in young kids. No one polices this and you can eat whatever you want at home, but they just regularly remind everyone of the peanut free policy.
If peanuts can kill you, that seems like a disability. If that means you can't work in an office, then you can't work in an office. There are plenty of jobs you can do from home.
Many schools and offices have peanut free facilities. An allergy isn't a disability, and no one NEEDS to bring peanuts to work.
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Peanuts can cause some folks to lose their tiny minds: About 10 years ago I agreed to take a temp job at a local tech company. At lunch time my first day I went down to an outdoor employee picnic area to eat my brought from home peanut butter sandwich. Someone guy from HR saw me, ran away and came back with security. They frog-marched me out and dislocated my shoulder. I tried for 2 years, very nicely to find out wtf happened that day. I sued for assault and won. The company nor their legal team never gave me an answer. They just sent a check. To this day I still don't know WTF happened to me that day.
Glad you sued them and won. Understand your frustation of not knowing WHY they did this to you
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The other candies also are made at the same factory, and I believe there's a sign warning that in the package. Even another one could kill her by only existing at the table. Lucky this is a SO RARE thing in Brazil...
I thought everyone grew out of Jr High BS. Bored Panda proves me wrong all the time.
That's not even Jr High. I had a buddy in Jr High deadly allergic to peanuts. You know what he did when we are our peanut butter sandwiches? Sat there with us and ate his cream cheese and jelly, and didn't try to police the world. To this day, he is still on this earth
Load More Replies... So what about all the other potential allergies? No sandwiches in the office? Milk, etc
Peanut allergies can be far more severe than other allergens. Me eating a peanut candy, and then shaking someone's hand who is severely allergic could actually kill them.
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What a terrible way to handle the situation. It went from zero to nuclear in one bound! Both people need a good talking to. If someone says they have an allergy, treat it serious, and ask for clarification. And please remember, they will know their medical situation far better than their colleagues, or random strangers.
Sure, but if you have an allergy don't barge in with an aggressive "are you trying to kill me??" and "you don't respect me!!" attitude... She could have explained and asked to not eat those cups in the office in case of an airborne allergy - which doesn't even seem to be the case.
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ESH- I too have life-threatening allergies. I do carry an EpiPen. I hope I never have to use it again. The OP makes it sound like dealing with a life-threatening allergy is as using an EpiPen and BOOM you're totally fine, and that's not the case. Going into anaphylaxis is terrifying. You start to notice a strange feeling in your mouth, then you start to feel like you're breathing through a wet sponge. Even though you're trying to breathe, it feels like you're taking in less and less air. Meanwhile, your heart is racing because you understand what's happening, and you try to stay calm, but you can't take the deep breaths you need for that. The inside of your mouth feels itchy and strangely tingly, and your throat start feeling scratchy. Then your tongue feels like it's sticking to the inside of your mouth, but that's because it's swelling up. If you can get to it, you can inject yourself with an EpiPen, which is hard on your heart. Then you get to race to the ER.
So no, you don't just use an EpiPen all the time when you have contact with an allergen. That would kill you. You minimize your contact with that thing that could also kill you, because you can't go into anaphylaxis every day, and you can't "just use an EpiPen"- a "just in case" drug, and you can't just take a Benadryl. Heather should be more polite in explaining her allergy, and ask the OP to maybe keep the candy in her desk. OP should be more understanding and less dismissive of someone's life threatening condition. You can't imagine what a mindf*ck it is to realize that just eating food can kill you unless you're just minding your business, eating food, and it almost kills you.
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It sounds to me that Heather is a drama queen that doesn't accept the fact the world doesn't revolve around her. All she has to do is no eat the FREE candy with peanuts. I doubt if Heather will stay at your office long. I have experience people who hire into a company, causes a bunch of problems and then gone. Enjoy the candy and happy HR apologized. JustMe
The last update, HR saying not to worry about it? Newsflash - Heather doesn't have a peanut allergy, because HR asked her to produce documentation and she couldn't - only way an HR department would allow her to continue working without an all employee email regarding her allergy after she made a complaint. Either that, or just another fake story.
I don't know if you're an AH or not, but you're definitely not polite. You could have taken those candies out and said that you would eat those at home. It's zero effort and you would have been kind to your coworker (even if she made up the allergy). There is not really a loss in being the bigger person here.
She's the AH, everyone saying otherwise with "cross contamination" if full of it. Simply put, SHE has a peanut allergy, and SHE has to worry about cross contamination, but SHE still wanted to partake in the free candy bowl. So, everyone else has to adjust to accommodate her. OP was right, "don't take candy out of my bowl". Also, you have no need to enter my desk area. As for those about someone could eat them, and breath on her and kill her. 2 things, IF her allergy was that severe, yes, she should have an epi-pen, AND HR should of been fully notified. And it's clear that's not the case here. Otherwise, that peanutbutter sandwhich people just had for lunch would be an issue. She wanted some candy, and there was peanut based candy in the dish, so she couldn't have it, and instead of acting like an adult, she made a stink. Now, nobody get's candy. I would make sure every time someone asks about it, to make sure they know, "I don't bring candy any more because of new girl"
She didn't want to partake in the candy bowl, she wanted to make sure people that did didn't accidentally send her into an entirely preventable medical emergency. I'm a nurse, y'all really just don't understand what peanut allergies look like for some people. I almost lost an employee that was afraid to tell her coworkers what to eat and all she did was touch her face after turning the break room light on. FFS people, I really hope you aren't so selfish about your work reeses that you risk accidentally killing your coworker.
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This is unbelievably childish. On both their parts. There is no need for a bowl full of candy at the office. Presumably this is to share? To generate goodwill? Except this has had the opposite effect because OP dug their heals in over the kind of candy. Heather has been equally childish. A little consideration and grace on both their parts would have avoided this nonsense. Get rid of the candy bowl and tell everyone to level up on the maturity scale and play nice.
Ok I was curious about airborne peanut(or any other food allergies) so researched it. It is possible to have a reaction but INCREDIBLY rare. The person with the allergy would have to be in a place where these nuts are being processed to get enough to trigger a reaction (they call it a threshold level) . Even when a person has a reaction it doesn't turn into a life threatening reaction. This person's reaction would be like my husband who has milk allergy which is serious reacting to seeing a package of Cheetos on the counter top or reacting to the milk jug in the refrigerator.
I think Heather is an entitled AH that needs to find a new job. How can she even function in the world if peanut "dust" will kill her? Must have to food shop in a spacesuit!?
How does she even grocery shop? The store has massive amounts of peanut products so contamination and airborne particulates can get on anything else. Every shopping cart has had possibly hundreds of peanut products in them.
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Def not the ah... So sick of entitled people, we shouldn't have to have our lives revolve around someone else. I have a niece with a bad peanut allergy, she knows not to touch anything related to nuts, we still do have things like peanut butter cookies, mixed nuts around Christmas, she just stays away from them. Everyone knows to wash their hands if they are going to be close enough to touch her after handling these items. Sorry for the rant, but the point is, obviously she's aware and educated about her allergy, she needs to avoid the things, simple. There's people who are allergic to many different things, do we block them all from a workplace? Ridiculous...
I'm caffeine intolerant with serious symptoms, like I'm about to have a heart attack. Can I come work in your office just for the fun of trying to ban coffee?
She's an absolute, self-entitled, horrible person. She just wants to cause problems. Perhaps people are offended/uncomfortable around her because of her peanut allergy. I hope someone pulls the same bs on her as she's done to the OP.
Also, this shouldn't even have gone as far as it has. People are making life so much worse these days. Similar kind of, I had a co worker who was told that she was racist because she asked a lady if she wanted her groceries in a bag, as she only had a few items. People are something else. Really messed up!
Load More Replies... NTA and all the commenters saying she is, actually are the AHs. Why should anyone have to alter their life for someone else? Your peanut allergy is not my problem. If I were employed there first, and there were no dietary restrictions, then you can go find another job. If I happen to like PB&J sandwiches, I am NOT giving them up for you,. Lose your entitlement attitude.
I've taught my little not to accept food from anyone but me, my husband, and my MIL. He can list all his allergies (wheat, dairy, soy, tree nuts, peanuts, fish, shellfish, banana, beef, sesame, goat's milk, and eggs)😅, and knows not to let adults or children touch him, especially when food is involved. We don't go to restaurants because of the chance of cross contamination. He's never eaten out because of that, but that's okay because it forced me to clean up my diet to cook, safe healthy meals. But he says daily he wishes he didn't have allergies, and it breaks my heart. 🥺 As far as school, I communicate with his teacher who is awesome, by the way. He had an allergic reaction to playdoh the other students were playing with (allergic to the wheat in it) so I bought the class kinetic sand to use instead and his teacher sent the playdoh home with a note to parents about it. She has been so supportive!
This was meant to be a reply to someone, so please ignore. Lol
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NTA and I assume that everyone who chose otherwise spent their entire childhood telling families what candy to not put in the Halloween bowl, vending machines, little old ladies at church (thank you Ms Olsen!), and everywhere else. Police yourselves people!
Yup! I have a severe peanut allergy. When I was little (and even as a teen) my dad would buy a small bag of my favorite safe candies right before Halloween. When I would get an unsafe candy trick or treating we would just say thank you and Dad would trade it out for the ones he bought me. I still had the fun of trick or treating and got the same amount of candy as my sisters but it was all safe for me. Bonus that they would never try to eat my special candy because I was the weird kid who LOVED candy corn and spice drops - and they (still) hated them.
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I think the woman with the peanut allergy was extremely rude so I understand OP's reaction. But a lot of people with peanut allergies dont have to ingest it for it to be a problem. Not airborne either. Like if someone eats peanuts and then touches a printer or a public phone it can cause them to go into shock from it. I'm not saying OP's reaction was uncalled for. The lady with peanut allergies should have notified the companies managers if she has an allergy like that.
I worked for years with a young male nurse who has a life-threatening allergy to peanuts, so he avoids all nuts to be safe. I often made baked goods for the staff, and when I knew M.Nurse would be on, or was on call for the mn shift, I'd bake things without nuts. He appreciated it greatly, but also said that as long as he knew to avoid anything with nuts, he'd be fine with me (or anyone) bringing in nut-filled treats (brownies, fudge, etc). He didn't draw attention to his allergy, only said something once when another nurse was eating a PB&J cookie and asked M. Nurse if he'd like one. We often had candy and other goodies given to the staff by visitors, and Nurse would just leave them alone for his safety's sake. Seems as if the allergic person in this post could do the same---and the OP could keep whatever she wants on her desk freely.
Sorry but no employer can legally tell you what you can and can't eat. The candy is in your office. No one is making Heather eat it or even come in contact with it. I personally can't stand the smell of coffee or ketchup. You know what I do when someone comes near me with it? I move away from them.
I had a coworker with multiple allergies. First it was the food. We were instructed to not eat anything containing peanuts, EVEN AT HOME, as it evidently carries some kind of "aura" that persists. Then it was perfume. Then deodorant, makeup, shampoo and evidently every personal care product.Then it was laundry soap, softener, starch. Management didn't catch on until she said she could not eat foods that grow "at night", and basically could only eat anything if it was raw and had no color. Some people are screaming for attention, and I suspect that her kids and husband did not give her the devotion she felt she deserved so everyone at work had to perform like vestal virgins in servitude to her demands in order for her to be happy. She was gone after a couple of months. Good riddance.
NTA, Heather is because of her inappropriate behavior. She should have told HR she has a peanut allergy and that some coworkers have peanut-based candies at their desks, then HR can make a decision, but I doubt it would be in Heather's favor. She cannot expect all of her coworkers to accommodate her. HR would be forever banning certain Asian employees from being able to eat their own home-cooked meals at work as peanuts, walnuts, pinenuts, and peanut oil are in almost every dish. If heather failed to volunteer during the hiring process because she had certain food allergies, she should be terminated. If she had airborne peanut allergies (it's obvious she doesn't), then the company could accommodate her by providing her with N95 masks. Her allergy, her problem, not everyone else's. It's clear to me that she was just being an office #karen. If she had such severe peanut allergies I imagine any trip to a grocery store could be a death sentence.
I am severely allergic to sulfur in any form, especially raw onions. Contact reaction, smelling reaction, and most dangerous, eating reaction. I work in a large office & someone's always cooking something as it's a gourmet wholesale. I can't expect everyone to never eat or cook without onions. Our chef will make a serving of food without onions if it's a meal for everyone out of his own consideration for me, which is amazingly kind. I just do what I can to avoid the smell & contact until they're done. It's not anyone's fault I have this allergy, but I have to bend, not the rest of the world!
Her allergies are not your problem. Again: HER ALLERGIES ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEM. She sounds like a drama queen wanting attention and is willing to play on her regular, not "super sensitive", allergies to get it. She played HR pretending to be super-victimized over a situation where if she keeps her hand off other people's candy/peanut-containing products, she'd be fine. And shame on HR for pandering to her bs and casting you as the villain when she was the one purposefully misrepresenting herself and her allergies. OTHER PEOPLE'S ALLERGIES AND FOOD SENSITIVITIES ARE THEIR PROBLEM, NOT YOURS. The ONLY time other people's food problems can viably infringe on other people's rights are when the affected are young children who are too young to be taught to keep their hands off other people's stuff and developmentally disabled adults who can't not touch other people's stuff.
the one posting this s**t is just being childish and you can tell she is just an idiot by the way she describes the events that took place
Heather sounds like a trouble maker and HR should find a way to terminate her before her trial period is up as I smell crazy nutcase (pun intended) in the future. My Husband inherited a lazy employee who claimed she was too stressed and needed work taken off her, and now is on fake sick leave. He was afraid she would be the type to make up an accusation of sexual harassment if they were ever alone together. HR refuses to help him and tells him to basically get away with her nonsense because she represents diversity, though they won’t say that outright. I told him not to worry, she’ll dig her own grave soon enough, and now the insurance company is denying her long term disability claim and she has been on unpaid leave for weeks and she refuses to come back to work. You see she’s gone and married an American soldier and really wanted paid leave to reorganize her future. Yes there are manipulating nutters out there while us hardworking non-complainers just get on with our jobs and life
I understand this in a child's classroom where personal space isn't observed and they put their hands and mouth on everything. My 6 YO is in a nut-free classroom and I respect not sending him to school with any nut products. My 13 YO's best friend and my S-I-L have severe nut and shellfish allergies. So, I know what reaction to look for, where and how to use an EpiPen. If "Heather's" allergic reaction to peanuts was so severe, then HR could have addressed through an email or company meeting without disclosing anyone's personal medical history. Heather is the AH in this case because of the approach towards the OP.
I understand why she would want the peanut removed. Let's say someone eats the Reese cup and doesn't wash their hands then touches a paper and hands it to her or they shake hands, hi five, even sharing a pen or pencil. That peanut will transfer to her and if not careful can end up with a reaction. It is up to her to let her bosses and HR know that way everyone can take precautions. The fact that HR just single you out is wrong. They could have sent an email without saying the employee's name stating we just found out some of your coworkers are highly allergic to peanuts. We ask that you don't bring in anything with it for safety reasons. I worked at a company where someone was highly allergic to perfumes and air fresheners. We received a letter asking not to spray any in the office and not to wear strong perfumes.
If Heather's allergy is that sensitive, she neglected to put it on her resume or mention it during her interview...plain and simple!! And the Company needs to update on MEMOS ...🙄🙄
I noticed that one of the comments that said OP was in the wrong said that OP was self centered because all they had do was apologize and promise not to bring them again. Did they not even read what happened, that's exactly what OP did? The issue is with Heather getting pissed about not getting her way immediately and then going off and making something up to get OP in trouble. I recently had something similar happen to me where someone who had no authority over me ordered me to do something that would prevent me from doing my job and later after being told they can't do that started making up fake complaints to get me in trouble. Unfortunately it worked since I wasn't even told there was an issue until I was removed from the location I was working at. At least I still have my job though and just got moved to a new location.
People really need to understand that the issue with peanut allergies isn't knowingly consuming them, it's being exposed to them with no way of knowing. I had an employee that I had to send to our emergency room in full-blown angioedema from peanut allergies triggered from touching her face after turning on the light in the break room. When she recovered, I asked her why she hadn't told everyone about her allergy and she said that she's had so many angry or doubtful reactions that she's given up. So, she just risks trips to the ED when she works, because previous coworkers (nurses, mind you!) didn't believe her or felt offended by her severe allergy. I'm serious, she looked like Quasimodo and I could visibly see her face swelling in the 15 seconds it took for me to figure out what the heck was happening. As an aside, I let her department manager know about the situation and told him he needed to let his staff know the danger. He said "meh, well think about it". Awful!
OK, does she demand that the grocery store, convenience store stop selling peanut products just so she can shop there. this is stupid. she needs to get a life, or just eat some peanuts.
Many things are processed in factories that have peanuts in other products! I hare people who use the excuse of having an allergy to control others and situations. Get an epi-pen. Nuts are ALL over.
You don't understand how Epipens work with allergies. When severe allergies are triggered, blood vessels dilate. This can cause two immediate and life-threatening issues: a sudden, severe drop in blood pressure and difficulty breathing due to tissue swelling from those big, leaky blood vessels. Epipens (full of the same medication we give coding patients) are not antihistamines, they do absolutely nothing to stop the allergic reaction. Rather, the epinephrine *very temporarily* counter constricts the blood vessels - buying the person having the reaction enough time to hopefully get to a hospital. Epi also comes with its own rather unpleasant side-effects and is outrageously expensive. This. Is. Preventable. People! Ugh!!
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I'm overly sensitive to strong smells, like strong perfume, bleach. That plus pollen. Allergic reactions, nausea, cough, trouble breathing. No one cares. I'm not sure whose responsibility it is to be careful. Mine for sure, but what about others? I only wish people would behave in a cultural way and not pour half a bottle of perfume on themselves. Hey, everyone wants to smell nice, and you are ruining it for them by dominating the area with your smell.
I agree Jus, but not for allergy reasons. People who are going to a restaurant should NOT douse themselves with perfume or aftershave.My hubby and I had an unpleasant experience once when a group of people came in right after our dinners were served, and one of them reeked so bad it ruined our meal.
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That final update takes the biscuit: I don't know when it was made relative to the comments on the post, but even beforehand most pf them voted NTA.
ESH but having to suddenly negotiate with a near stranger in a new environment when your life is on the line sounds terrifying and I feel slightly sympathetic towards Heather and her botched attempt at communication. You don't mess with peanut allergies, people.
I had a student who was severely allergic to nuts. If a student who ate a pb & j at lun CB touched his desk, the student would break out. It was scary. His eyes would puff up, he’d start to wheeze. He’d have to go to the nurse immediately. And that was strictly cross contaminated surface exposure. I think the peanut lady could have gone about this differently and explained her concerns better. However, allergic reactions are very serious and can absolutely occur without eating the item.
IF we had to pander to everyine with allergic of snsitrivitie to varous thing, I suspect we could not survive, One of my dsons is esv erely sentistce to Cold. but knows how to wrap up if affected, IF you have serious allergies to anything, OF COURSE you should carry your epi-pen, as well as other identification as to which substances you have sensitivities to.
I dunno. But peanuts are NOT the only thing that people can be severely intolerant of. Peanuts OK with me, biggest problem is oranges, but I just totally avoid them, and IF in any doubt just decline to eat whatever.
Does no one understand how dangerous it is, it's like no one commenting gets it. She doesn't need to eat it, someone else eating it getting it on their Hands and spreading it can kill her. Like seriously this is not new, what countries do you people live in as here peanuts are banned most places there is someone with an allergy. My kids haven't ever been able to bring peanut butter to school.
I'm shocked and seriously disappointed in the level of self-centeredness and callousness demonstrated by some of these comments. Between 7 and 14% of all people with peanut allergies experience accidental peanut exposure every year. People need to take this seriously!
Load More Replies... Listen. This is work. It's Adulting. Candy on the desk is a choice, an option. A life threatening allergy (potential or not. We do not f✓€k around with potentials here.) Is not. Be the grown up. Do not bring peanuts to work on a butt-hurt potential.
I am so thankful that I work with people have been super careful about my nut allergies. I'd hate to work with some of you jerks who apparently think everyone is out to get attention.
This post is so infuriating, just use an epipen?! Seriously this guy is so clueless. Anaphylaxis is the scariest thing to experience. You can't breathe, you feel your blood pressure getting lower as you get weaker. Your body is vomiting without any help from your brain, you literally can feel yourself getting closer to death, and it feels like that epi pen is never going to kick in. It's absolutely terrifying.
Oh yeah, and if someone is highly allergic they don't not have to actually ingest their allergen. Nuts are oily and traces are everywhere. I can't even be in a room where nuts are cooking. So to the person that said what do you adjust your entire life around this? Yes, you do.
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$500 for an epipen!?!?!?! $38 AUD here in Australia for a 2pack ($26 USD). Time to stick your American health nocare system up your ar$e.
What do you suppose we do? Really though? Are we supposed to pack up and move to Australia? Seriously, Lea I g the country is not an option to most
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Some allergies can be more severe in some people than others, as in some require ingestion, contact or are so severe to be airborne. It was up to "Heather", to explain the severity to HR on hiring and what steps were needed to protect her. From the description the OP had the prewrapped Halloween type small chocolate bars and candy, so there was no risk to her standing right there, and she had no excuse to berate them. There is nothing wrong with warning about an allergy and asking them to not bring them again, or say can you remove those 3 reeses? But that's not what happened of course and you add inthe lying? No, nta.
Peanut allergies are no joke You are the AH.. if someone had a peanut butter cup and some got on a table or desk or phone etc..and then Heather touched it she could be in danger. Why is your candy bowl more important than a coworkers safety. Sound like a strange battle to fight. Get rid of the PB cups. Your HR person sounds like an AH too
Showing up to a job and picking fights about someone's personal space and things is very immature. If it's severe you let the office know ahead of time instead of thinking you have the right to chew someone out right in front of everyone. Yeah allergies are bad but EVERYONE needs to be respectful, no matter if you think your needs are more important.
As a person with a deadly allergy to latex, I'd have this guy fired for endangering my life. I can be around it but the point is it's a problem and people need to be respectful. Also an EpiPen isn't realistic if you manage the allergy well because they're expensive and only last 6mo.
You need to talk to your pharmacy! The one I bought last summer expires this December (the date is printed on them) so it will last a year and a half from purchase - others have had an expiration date 2 years out. If you kerp getting ones that expire in 6 months, they are over stocking and giving out the oldest ones to get them out of stock and sold. They should last just over 2 years from manufacturing. Your pharmacy needs to get better control of thier sales rate.
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Peanut allergic myself, and though I think HR should be aware (I know I always risk being a nuisance by telling too many people instead of too few), but the poster is TA for making this big of a deal of curbing the peanut treats. Epi-pens can be life saving because they buy time to get to the emergency room; they are not cures that, "oh well, you can just use an epi-pen." Have anaphylaxis once and learn this. I did!
It isn't as easy as just not eating peanuts! Imagine for one second the life of someone with severe food allergies. Trying to live while knowing there is danger at every turn. Knowing all it takes is is one mistake, one uncaring person, and you're dead. Dead! (The epi pens are not the cure most people think they are. They exist as a short term measure to give you enough time to get you to the hospital.) Imagine having your airway cut off because someone didn't care enough. Unless you have lived a life like this I know it's hard to understand. Food allergies are a disability but so many people don't get it. Would you tell someone in a wheelchair to take the stairs??? Reasonable accommodations is all any of us are asking. It is completely reasonable for people to eat their peanut butter at home.
She is absolutely the a*****e. Not having peanuts at work is not a huge sacrifice. Grow up and be a humane human. American I bet.
I'm not American but I'm sick to death of the ignorant American comments.
Load More Replies... Agreed. Does she want peanuts removed from everywhere? How does she grocery shop with those canned peanuts and peanut candies at check out? Is she suing movie theaters? Amusement parks? Is her plan to have every bakery shut down? Every restaurant? What about the gas station? If someone had some trail mix on their drive and then touched the handle of the pump does she sue the gas station or the driver that touched it? I understand that people have allergies but maybe know how deal with your own stuff instead of making everyone deal with it for you. I have some pretty major stuff in my life that I need to plan around so I can survive each day so I'm unsure how "Heather" thinks the world should work any differently for her.
Load More Replies... Im sorry I don’t get it. Why is you having candy with peanuts in it in your desk her issue? Is she eating your candy and doesn’t want to bother reading ingredients? Is she being forced to eat this candy as a hazing ritual? Why would you not be allowed to bring peanuts because she cant eat any? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard unless her allergy was so sever that even being in the same room with a peanut would send her to the hospital, which seems to clearly not be the case.
Okay, so my son has severe allergies to peanuts and wheat, among other things. The thing is, if someone in their office eats peanuts, then touches a shared printer or something and the allergic lady touches it, she could go into anaphylactic shock. I know this because it's happened to my little one. And the thing about the severity of an allergy, no one knows how badly someone will react. My son tested "intolerant" to bananas, but ended up in anaphylactic shock from ingesting yogurt that had it in its ingredients. That being said, the allergic lady was incredibly rude about it, so I don't think OP is an AH.
Load More Replies... As a person with severe peanut allergy, I side with the person with the Candy dish. Seriously, with this allergy I know it's ALWAYS a risk of exposure but I'm not telling other people what they can/can't do or eat. At work ( I'm a live in house parent at a teen girls home) we have a protocol in place for when clients/staff want to have peanut butter. If they are having a snack containing peanut butter, I am notified & go elsewhere. If the residents have the Candy, they are asked to not eat it near me, then wash hands and drink something before talking to me. (I am allergic enough that them talking to me in close range triggers a reaction.) I don't eat things unless I know what is in it/where it's been. It is not that hard to take preventative measures!
Im with you on both accounts. I have the same allergy at the same level and take the same precautions. I also work with kids, some of whom wont eat anything else, so we work around it. I dont supervise lunch or snack and all the kids have to wash thier hands right after eating every time (so as to not single any of them out). It works wonderfully and everyone is happy.
Load More Replies... Reminds me on the random women who blew up on me at the train because I had a peanut butter jelly sandwich in my hand, even coming over from her seat just to yell at me about her allergies.
the thing that I wondered about most is why the new girl didn't politely ask if he could take the reese's out, while explaning her allergy and what could happen. She just demanded it in a quite entiteled way. Thats where the communication started being off - no wonder OP replied the way he did!
Maybe she did. This is his side of the story and he sounds like a tool. If someone told me they had a peanut allergy, even if they did so sorta rudely, I'd be kind enough to agree not to bring them in the future. I had an employee react explosively because someone ate something with peanuts and touched a light switch she later touched.
Load More Replies... The people saying YTA, either didn't read the story or are "Heather's" friends and relatives. I have an allergy to fish and seafood. I am not going to go around and tell other people whether they can eat those things around me or not. If you have a peanut allergy, then don't eat anything with peanuts. Just because the Reeses were there doesn't mean that this lady had to eat them. Life is too short and too much is going on in the world right now for someone to be having a tantrum over candy that they don't have to eat. "Heather", if you ever read this, please get over yourself. Life is not always about you.
Read my post above about my employee with the peanut allergy. You're lucky that fish and seafood are rarely eaten in everyday work environments and that people usually wash it off of themselves when they're done with it before they touch light switches, shared computers, etc. People rarely do that after eating candy out of a communal bowl.
Load More Replies... As OP said, if she was so sensitive that she could get a reaction from airborne particles, I doubt she'd have been standing there arguing and I'd have thought it would have been mentioned. I don't understand how she came to the conclusion that she was being harassed and bullied - personally I'd have asked. With all that said, I would have just rolled my eyes and did what she said (without admitting fault or apologising). There are plenty of things that are important enough for me to stand my ground on but this wouldn't be one of them.
Does she walk into a supermarket and start blowing a gasket that all peanut products need to be removed? HR messed up big time here. I'm so sick of entitled people thinking the world revolves around them.
For some people, their peanut allergies are severe enough that they can't do their own grocery shopping, but that's not the issue here. Unlike with eating a meal, people often eat candy without washing their hands afterward. I had an employee that experienced a severe peanut reaction when she touched her face after turning on the light to the break room. Asking someone to make a small change to help prevent accidentally killing them (or at least sending them to the emergency room) isn't entitlement. In fact, it's peak entitlement to argue your right to eat reeses at work trumps your coworkers right to not be killed at work.
Load More Replies... it was poorly handled on both sides, but I remember in my elementary school all kids were told not to include any peanut items in their lunches because another student had severe peanut allergies. Once at camp, they gave out candy, but another camper started having a reaction because someone else ate something peanutty. People with severe allergies don't have to eat or come into contact with the actual peanut product because they can react from small airborne particles. Having an EpiPen is great as a backup, but even with an EpiPen, you still need treatment, b/c an EpiPen will wear off. The author of the post was pretty insensitive and does not understand the severity of peanut allergies, they're not like other allergies.
I don't think OP was insensitive but just uneducated. If you don't have or know someone with that kind of allergy to learn from, you are led to believe - I blame television for this - that epi-pens ARE a "cure".
Load More Replies... We have an overall peanut free policy at my workplace. We have thousands of employees as well as an on-site daycare. The daycare especially is very strict peanut free environment since these severe allergies can first show up in young kids. No one polices this and you can eat whatever you want at home, but they just regularly remind everyone of the peanut free policy.
If peanuts can kill you, that seems like a disability. If that means you can't work in an office, then you can't work in an office. There are plenty of jobs you can do from home.
Many schools and offices have peanut free facilities. An allergy isn't a disability, and no one NEEDS to bring peanuts to work.
Load More Replies... Peanuts can cause some folks to lose their tiny minds: About 10 years ago I agreed to take a temp job at a local tech company. At lunch time my first day I went down to an outdoor employee picnic area to eat my brought from home peanut butter sandwich. Someone guy from HR saw me, ran away and came back with security. They frog-marched me out and dislocated my shoulder. I tried for 2 years, very nicely to find out wtf happened that day. I sued for assault and won. The company nor their legal team never gave me an answer. They just sent a check. To this day I still don't know WTF happened to me that day.
Glad you sued them and won. Understand your frustation of not knowing WHY they did this to you
Load More Replies... The other candies also are made at the same factory, and I believe there's a sign warning that in the package. Even another one could kill her by only existing at the table. Lucky this is a SO RARE thing in Brazil...
I thought everyone grew out of Jr High BS. Bored Panda proves me wrong all the time.
That's not even Jr High. I had a buddy in Jr High deadly allergic to peanuts. You know what he did when we are our peanut butter sandwiches? Sat there with us and ate his cream cheese and jelly, and didn't try to police the world. To this day, he is still on this earth
Load More Replies... So what about all the other potential allergies? No sandwiches in the office? Milk, etc
Peanut allergies can be far more severe than other allergens. Me eating a peanut candy, and then shaking someone's hand who is severely allergic could actually kill them.
Load More Replies... What a terrible way to handle the situation. It went from zero to nuclear in one bound! Both people need a good talking to. If someone says they have an allergy, treat it serious, and ask for clarification. And please remember, they will know their medical situation far better than their colleagues, or random strangers.
Sure, but if you have an allergy don't barge in with an aggressive "are you trying to kill me??" and "you don't respect me!!" attitude... She could have explained and asked to not eat those cups in the office in case of an airborne allergy - which doesn't even seem to be the case.
Load More Replies... ESH- I too have life-threatening allergies. I do carry an EpiPen. I hope I never have to use it again. The OP makes it sound like dealing with a life-threatening allergy is as using an EpiPen and BOOM you're totally fine, and that's not the case. Going into anaphylaxis is terrifying. You start to notice a strange feeling in your mouth, then you start to feel like you're breathing through a wet sponge. Even though you're trying to breathe, it feels like you're taking in less and less air. Meanwhile, your heart is racing because you understand what's happening, and you try to stay calm, but you can't take the deep breaths you need for that. The inside of your mouth feels itchy and strangely tingly, and your throat start feeling scratchy. Then your tongue feels like it's sticking to the inside of your mouth, but that's because it's swelling up. If you can get to it, you can inject yourself with an EpiPen, which is hard on your heart. Then you get to race to the ER.
So no, you don't just use an EpiPen all the time when you have contact with an allergen. That would kill you. You minimize your contact with that thing that could also kill you, because you can't go into anaphylaxis every day, and you can't "just use an EpiPen"- a "just in case" drug, and you can't just take a Benadryl. Heather should be more polite in explaining her allergy, and ask the OP to maybe keep the candy in her desk. OP should be more understanding and less dismissive of someone's life threatening condition. You can't imagine what a mindf*ck it is to realize that just eating food can kill you unless you're just minding your business, eating food, and it almost kills you.
Load More Replies... It sounds to me that Heather is a drama queen that doesn't accept the fact the world doesn't revolve around her. All she has to do is no eat the FREE candy with peanuts. I doubt if Heather will stay at your office long. I have experience people who hire into a company, causes a bunch of problems and then gone. Enjoy the candy and happy HR apologized. JustMe
The last update, HR saying not to worry about it? Newsflash - Heather doesn't have a peanut allergy, because HR asked her to produce documentation and she couldn't - only way an HR department would allow her to continue working without an all employee email regarding her allergy after she made a complaint. Either that, or just another fake story.
I don't know if you're an AH or not, but you're definitely not polite. You could have taken those candies out and said that you would eat those at home. It's zero effort and you would have been kind to your coworker (even if she made up the allergy). There is not really a loss in being the bigger person here.
She's the AH, everyone saying otherwise with "cross contamination" if full of it. Simply put, SHE has a peanut allergy, and SHE has to worry about cross contamination, but SHE still wanted to partake in the free candy bowl. So, everyone else has to adjust to accommodate her. OP was right, "don't take candy out of my bowl". Also, you have no need to enter my desk area. As for those about someone could eat them, and breath on her and kill her. 2 things, IF her allergy was that severe, yes, she should have an epi-pen, AND HR should of been fully notified. And it's clear that's not the case here. Otherwise, that peanutbutter sandwhich people just had for lunch would be an issue. She wanted some candy, and there was peanut based candy in the dish, so she couldn't have it, and instead of acting like an adult, she made a stink. Now, nobody get's candy. I would make sure every time someone asks about it, to make sure they know, "I don't bring candy any more because of new girl"
She didn't want to partake in the candy bowl, she wanted to make sure people that did didn't accidentally send her into an entirely preventable medical emergency. I'm a nurse, y'all really just don't understand what peanut allergies look like for some people. I almost lost an employee that was afraid to tell her coworkers what to eat and all she did was touch her face after turning the break room light on. FFS people, I really hope you aren't so selfish about your work reeses that you risk accidentally killing your coworker.
Load More Replies... This is unbelievably childish. On both their parts. There is no need for a bowl full of candy at the office. Presumably this is to share? To generate goodwill? Except this has had the opposite effect because OP dug their heals in over the kind of candy. Heather has been equally childish. A little consideration and grace on both their parts would have avoided this nonsense. Get rid of the candy bowl and tell everyone to level up on the maturity scale and play nice.
Ok I was curious about airborne peanut(or any other food allergies) so researched it. It is possible to have a reaction but INCREDIBLY rare. The person with the allergy would have to be in a place where these nuts are being processed to get enough to trigger a reaction (they call it a threshold level) . Even when a person has a reaction it doesn't turn into a life threatening reaction. This person's reaction would be like my husband who has milk allergy which is serious reacting to seeing a package of Cheetos on the counter top or reacting to the milk jug in the refrigerator.
I think Heather is an entitled AH that needs to find a new job. How can she even function in the world if peanut "dust" will kill her? Must have to food shop in a spacesuit!?
How does she even grocery shop? The store has massive amounts of peanut products so contamination and airborne particulates can get on anything else. Every shopping cart has had possibly hundreds of peanut products in them.
Load More Replies... Def not the ah... So sick of entitled people, we shouldn't have to have our lives revolve around someone else. I have a niece with a bad peanut allergy, she knows not to touch anything related to nuts, we still do have things like peanut butter cookies, mixed nuts around Christmas, she just stays away from them. Everyone knows to wash their hands if they are going to be close enough to touch her after handling these items. Sorry for the rant, but the point is, obviously she's aware and educated about her allergy, she needs to avoid the things, simple. There's people who are allergic to many different things, do we block them all from a workplace? Ridiculous...
I'm caffeine intolerant with serious symptoms, like I'm about to have a heart attack. Can I come work in your office just for the fun of trying to ban coffee?
She's an absolute, self-entitled, horrible person. She just wants to cause problems. Perhaps people are offended/uncomfortable around her because of her peanut allergy. I hope someone pulls the same bs on her as she's done to the OP.
Also, this shouldn't even have gone as far as it has. People are making life so much worse these days. Similar kind of, I had a co worker who was told that she was racist because she asked a lady if she wanted her groceries in a bag, as she only had a few items. People are something else. Really messed up!
Load More Replies... NTA and all the commenters saying she is, actually are the AHs. Why should anyone have to alter their life for someone else? Your peanut allergy is not my problem. If I were employed there first, and there were no dietary restrictions, then you can go find another job. If I happen to like PB&J sandwiches, I am NOT giving them up for you,. Lose your entitlement attitude.
I've taught my little not to accept food from anyone but me, my husband, and my MIL. He can list all his allergies (wheat, dairy, soy, tree nuts, peanuts, fish, shellfish, banana, beef, sesame, goat's milk, and eggs)😅, and knows not to let adults or children touch him, especially when food is involved. We don't go to restaurants because of the chance of cross contamination. He's never eaten out because of that, but that's okay because it forced me to clean up my diet to cook, safe healthy meals. But he says daily he wishes he didn't have allergies, and it breaks my heart. 🥺 As far as school, I communicate with his teacher who is awesome, by the way. He had an allergic reaction to playdoh the other students were playing with (allergic to the wheat in it) so I bought the class kinetic sand to use instead and his teacher sent the playdoh home with a note to parents about it. She has been so supportive!
This was meant to be a reply to someone, so please ignore. Lol
Load More Replies... NTA and I assume that everyone who chose otherwise spent their entire childhood telling families what candy to not put in the Halloween bowl, vending machines, little old ladies at church (thank you Ms Olsen!), and everywhere else. Police yourselves people!
Yup! I have a severe peanut allergy. When I was little (and even as a teen) my dad would buy a small bag of my favorite safe candies right before Halloween. When I would get an unsafe candy trick or treating we would just say thank you and Dad would trade it out for the ones he bought me. I still had the fun of trick or treating and got the same amount of candy as my sisters but it was all safe for me. Bonus that they would never try to eat my special candy because I was the weird kid who LOVED candy corn and spice drops - and they (still) hated them.
Load More Replies... I think the woman with the peanut allergy was extremely rude so I understand OP's reaction. But a lot of people with peanut allergies dont have to ingest it for it to be a problem. Not airborne either. Like if someone eats peanuts and then touches a printer or a public phone it can cause them to go into shock from it. I'm not saying OP's reaction was uncalled for. The lady with peanut allergies should have notified the companies managers if she has an allergy like that.
I worked for years with a young male nurse who has a life-threatening allergy to peanuts, so he avoids all nuts to be safe. I often made baked goods for the staff, and when I knew M.Nurse would be on, or was on call for the mn shift, I'd bake things without nuts. He appreciated it greatly, but also said that as long as he knew to avoid anything with nuts, he'd be fine with me (or anyone) bringing in nut-filled treats (brownies, fudge, etc). He didn't draw attention to his allergy, only said something once when another nurse was eating a PB&J cookie and asked M. Nurse if he'd like one. We often had candy and other goodies given to the staff by visitors, and Nurse would just leave them alone for his safety's sake. Seems as if the allergic person in this post could do the same---and the OP could keep whatever she wants on her desk freely.
Sorry but no employer can legally tell you what you can and can't eat. The candy is in your office. No one is making Heather eat it or even come in contact with it. I personally can't stand the smell of coffee or ketchup. You know what I do when someone comes near me with it? I move away from them.
I had a coworker with multiple allergies. First it was the food. We were instructed to not eat anything containing peanuts, EVEN AT HOME, as it evidently carries some kind of "aura" that persists. Then it was perfume. Then deodorant, makeup, shampoo and evidently every personal care product.Then it was laundry soap, softener, starch. Management didn't catch on until she said she could not eat foods that grow "at night", and basically could only eat anything if it was raw and had no color. Some people are screaming for attention, and I suspect that her kids and husband did not give her the devotion she felt she deserved so everyone at work had to perform like vestal virgins in servitude to her demands in order for her to be happy. She was gone after a couple of months. Good riddance.
NTA, Heather is because of her inappropriate behavior. She should have told HR she has a peanut allergy and that some coworkers have peanut-based candies at their desks, then HR can make a decision, but I doubt it would be in Heather's favor. She cannot expect all of her coworkers to accommodate her. HR would be forever banning certain Asian employees from being able to eat their own home-cooked meals at work as peanuts, walnuts, pinenuts, and peanut oil are in almost every dish. If heather failed to volunteer during the hiring process because she had certain food allergies, she should be terminated. If she had airborne peanut allergies (it's obvious she doesn't), then the company could accommodate her by providing her with N95 masks. Her allergy, her problem, not everyone else's. It's clear to me that she was just being an office #karen. If she had such severe peanut allergies I imagine any trip to a grocery store could be a death sentence.
I am severely allergic to sulfur in any form, especially raw onions. Contact reaction, smelling reaction, and most dangerous, eating reaction. I work in a large office & someone's always cooking something as it's a gourmet wholesale. I can't expect everyone to never eat or cook without onions. Our chef will make a serving of food without onions if it's a meal for everyone out of his own consideration for me, which is amazingly kind. I just do what I can to avoid the smell & contact until they're done. It's not anyone's fault I have this allergy, but I have to bend, not the rest of the world!
Her allergies are not your problem. Again: HER ALLERGIES ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEM. She sounds like a drama queen wanting attention and is willing to play on her regular, not "super sensitive", allergies to get it. She played HR pretending to be super-victimized over a situation where if she keeps her hand off other people's candy/peanut-containing products, she'd be fine. And shame on HR for pandering to her bs and casting you as the villain when she was the one purposefully misrepresenting herself and her allergies. OTHER PEOPLE'S ALLERGIES AND FOOD SENSITIVITIES ARE THEIR PROBLEM, NOT YOURS. The ONLY time other people's food problems can viably infringe on other people's rights are when the affected are young children who are too young to be taught to keep their hands off other people's stuff and developmentally disabled adults who can't not touch other people's stuff.
the one posting this s**t is just being childish and you can tell she is just an idiot by the way she describes the events that took place
Heather sounds like a trouble maker and HR should find a way to terminate her before her trial period is up as I smell crazy nutcase (pun intended) in the future. My Husband inherited a lazy employee who claimed she was too stressed and needed work taken off her, and now is on fake sick leave. He was afraid she would be the type to make up an accusation of sexual harassment if they were ever alone together. HR refuses to help him and tells him to basically get away with her nonsense because she represents diversity, though they won’t say that outright. I told him not to worry, she’ll dig her own grave soon enough, and now the insurance company is denying her long term disability claim and she has been on unpaid leave for weeks and she refuses to come back to work. You see she’s gone and married an American soldier and really wanted paid leave to reorganize her future. Yes there are manipulating nutters out there while us hardworking non-complainers just get on with our jobs and life
I understand this in a child's classroom where personal space isn't observed and they put their hands and mouth on everything. My 6 YO is in a nut-free classroom and I respect not sending him to school with any nut products. My 13 YO's best friend and my S-I-L have severe nut and shellfish allergies. So, I know what reaction to look for, where and how to use an EpiPen. If "Heather's" allergic reaction to peanuts was so severe, then HR could have addressed through an email or company meeting without disclosing anyone's personal medical history. Heather is the AH in this case because of the approach towards the OP.
I understand why she would want the peanut removed. Let's say someone eats the Reese cup and doesn't wash their hands then touches a paper and hands it to her or they shake hands, hi five, even sharing a pen or pencil. That peanut will transfer to her and if not careful can end up with a reaction. It is up to her to let her bosses and HR know that way everyone can take precautions. The fact that HR just single you out is wrong. They could have sent an email without saying the employee's name stating we just found out some of your coworkers are highly allergic to peanuts. We ask that you don't bring in anything with it for safety reasons. I worked at a company where someone was highly allergic to perfumes and air fresheners. We received a letter asking not to spray any in the office and not to wear strong perfumes.
If Heather's allergy is that sensitive, she neglected to put it on her resume or mention it during her interview...plain and simple!! And the Company needs to update on MEMOS ...🙄🙄
I noticed that one of the comments that said OP was in the wrong said that OP was self centered because all they had do was apologize and promise not to bring them again. Did they not even read what happened, that's exactly what OP did? The issue is with Heather getting pissed about not getting her way immediately and then going off and making something up to get OP in trouble. I recently had something similar happen to me where someone who had no authority over me ordered me to do something that would prevent me from doing my job and later after being told they can't do that started making up fake complaints to get me in trouble. Unfortunately it worked since I wasn't even told there was an issue until I was removed from the location I was working at. At least I still have my job though and just got moved to a new location.
People really need to understand that the issue with peanut allergies isn't knowingly consuming them, it's being exposed to them with no way of knowing. I had an employee that I had to send to our emergency room in full-blown angioedema from peanut allergies triggered from touching her face after turning on the light in the break room. When she recovered, I asked her why she hadn't told everyone about her allergy and she said that she's had so many angry or doubtful reactions that she's given up. So, she just risks trips to the ED when she works, because previous coworkers (nurses, mind you!) didn't believe her or felt offended by her severe allergy. I'm serious, she looked like Quasimodo and I could visibly see her face swelling in the 15 seconds it took for me to figure out what the heck was happening. As an aside, I let her department manager know about the situation and told him he needed to let his staff know the danger. He said "meh, well think about it". Awful!
OK, does she demand that the grocery store, convenience store stop selling peanut products just so she can shop there. this is stupid. she needs to get a life, or just eat some peanuts.
Many things are processed in factories that have peanuts in other products! I hare people who use the excuse of having an allergy to control others and situations. Get an epi-pen. Nuts are ALL over.
You don't understand how Epipens work with allergies. When severe allergies are triggered, blood vessels dilate. This can cause two immediate and life-threatening issues: a sudden, severe drop in blood pressure and difficulty breathing due to tissue swelling from those big, leaky blood vessels. Epipens (full of the same medication we give coding patients) are not antihistamines, they do absolutely nothing to stop the allergic reaction. Rather, the epinephrine *very temporarily* counter constricts the blood vessels - buying the person having the reaction enough time to hopefully get to a hospital. Epi also comes with its own rather unpleasant side-effects and is outrageously expensive. This. Is. Preventable. People! Ugh!!
Load More Replies... I'm overly sensitive to strong smells, like strong perfume, bleach. That plus pollen. Allergic reactions, nausea, cough, trouble breathing. No one cares. I'm not sure whose responsibility it is to be careful. Mine for sure, but what about others? I only wish people would behave in a cultural way and not pour half a bottle of perfume on themselves. Hey, everyone wants to smell nice, and you are ruining it for them by dominating the area with your smell.
I agree Jus, but not for allergy reasons. People who are going to a restaurant should NOT douse themselves with perfume or aftershave.My hubby and I had an unpleasant experience once when a group of people came in right after our dinners were served, and one of them reeked so bad it ruined our meal.
Load More Replies... That final update takes the biscuit: I don't know when it was made relative to the comments on the post, but even beforehand most pf them voted NTA.
ESH but having to suddenly negotiate with a near stranger in a new environment when your life is on the line sounds terrifying and I feel slightly sympathetic towards Heather and her botched attempt at communication. You don't mess with peanut allergies, people.
I had a student who was severely allergic to nuts. If a student who ate a pb & j at lun CB touched his desk, the student would break out. It was scary. His eyes would puff up, he’d start to wheeze. He’d have to go to the nurse immediately. And that was strictly cross contaminated surface exposure. I think the peanut lady could have gone about this differently and explained her concerns better. However, allergic reactions are very serious and can absolutely occur without eating the item.
IF we had to pander to everyine with allergic of snsitrivitie to varous thing, I suspect we could not survive, One of my dsons is esv erely sentistce to Cold. but knows how to wrap up if affected, IF you have serious allergies to anything, OF COURSE you should carry your epi-pen, as well as other identification as to which substances you have sensitivities to.
I dunno. But peanuts are NOT the only thing that people can be severely intolerant of. Peanuts OK with me, biggest problem is oranges, but I just totally avoid them, and IF in any doubt just decline to eat whatever.
Does no one understand how dangerous it is, it's like no one commenting gets it. She doesn't need to eat it, someone else eating it getting it on their Hands and spreading it can kill her. Like seriously this is not new, what countries do you people live in as here peanuts are banned most places there is someone with an allergy. My kids haven't ever been able to bring peanut butter to school.
I'm shocked and seriously disappointed in the level of self-centeredness and callousness demonstrated by some of these comments. Between 7 and 14% of all people with peanut allergies experience accidental peanut exposure every year. People need to take this seriously!
Load More Replies... Listen. This is work. It's Adulting. Candy on the desk is a choice, an option. A life threatening allergy (potential or not. We do not f✓€k around with potentials here.) Is not. Be the grown up. Do not bring peanuts to work on a butt-hurt potential.
I am so thankful that I work with people have been super careful about my nut allergies. I'd hate to work with some of you jerks who apparently think everyone is out to get attention.
This post is so infuriating, just use an epipen?! Seriously this guy is so clueless. Anaphylaxis is the scariest thing to experience. You can't breathe, you feel your blood pressure getting lower as you get weaker. Your body is vomiting without any help from your brain, you literally can feel yourself getting closer to death, and it feels like that epi pen is never going to kick in. It's absolutely terrifying.
Oh yeah, and if someone is highly allergic they don't not have to actually ingest their allergen. Nuts are oily and traces are everywhere. I can't even be in a room where nuts are cooking. So to the person that said what do you adjust your entire life around this? Yes, you do.
Load More Replies... $500 for an epipen!?!?!?! $38 AUD here in Australia for a 2pack ($26 USD). Time to stick your American health nocare system up your ar$e.
What do you suppose we do? Really though? Are we supposed to pack up and move to Australia? Seriously, Lea I g the country is not an option to most
Load More Replies... Some allergies can be more severe in some people than others, as in some require ingestion, contact or are so severe to be airborne. It was up to "Heather", to explain the severity to HR on hiring and what steps were needed to protect her. From the description the OP had the prewrapped Halloween type small chocolate bars and candy, so there was no risk to her standing right there, and she had no excuse to berate them. There is nothing wrong with warning about an allergy and asking them to not bring them again, or say can you remove those 3 reeses? But that's not what happened of course and you add inthe lying? No, nta.
Peanut allergies are no joke You are the AH.. if someone had a peanut butter cup and some got on a table or desk or phone etc..and then Heather touched it she could be in danger. Why is your candy bowl more important than a coworkers safety. Sound like a strange battle to fight. Get rid of the PB cups. Your HR person sounds like an AH too
Showing up to a job and picking fights about someone's personal space and things is very immature. If it's severe you let the office know ahead of time instead of thinking you have the right to chew someone out right in front of everyone. Yeah allergies are bad but EVERYONE needs to be respectful, no matter if you think your needs are more important.
As a person with a deadly allergy to latex, I'd have this guy fired for endangering my life. I can be around it but the point is it's a problem and people need to be respectful. Also an EpiPen isn't realistic if you manage the allergy well because they're expensive and only last 6mo.
You need to talk to your pharmacy! The one I bought last summer expires this December (the date is printed on them) so it will last a year and a half from purchase - others have had an expiration date 2 years out. If you kerp getting ones that expire in 6 months, they are over stocking and giving out the oldest ones to get them out of stock and sold. They should last just over 2 years from manufacturing. Your pharmacy needs to get better control of thier sales rate.
Load More Replies... Peanut allergic myself, and though I think HR should be aware (I know I always risk being a nuisance by telling too many people instead of too few), but the poster is TA for making this big of a deal of curbing the peanut treats. Epi-pens can be life saving because they buy time to get to the emergency room; they are not cures that, "oh well, you can just use an epi-pen." Have anaphylaxis once and learn this. I did!
It isn't as easy as just not eating peanuts! Imagine for one second the life of someone with severe food allergies. Trying to live while knowing there is danger at every turn. Knowing all it takes is is one mistake, one uncaring person, and you're dead. Dead! (The epi pens are not the cure most people think they are. They exist as a short term measure to give you enough time to get you to the hospital.) Imagine having your airway cut off because someone didn't care enough. Unless you have lived a life like this I know it's hard to understand. Food allergies are a disability but so many people don't get it. Would you tell someone in a wheelchair to take the stairs??? Reasonable accommodations is all any of us are asking. It is completely reasonable for people to eat their peanut butter at home.
She is absolutely the a*****e. Not having peanuts at work is not a huge sacrifice. Grow up and be a humane human. American I bet.
I'm not American but I'm sick to death of the ignorant American comments.
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