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Woman Asks Other Women How They Deal With Not Being ‘Pretty’, And This Man’s Reply Gets Most Upvotes
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Woman Asks Other Women How They Deal With Not Being ‘Pretty’, And This Man’s Reply Gets Most Upvotes

The subreddit AskWomen describes itself as a place dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences; providing a place where all women can comfortably and candidly share their responses in a non-judgmental space.
One woman decided to open up about her jealousy about women who are born beautiful; she believes that she herself is an ‘ugly girl’ and never will be beautiful. Her feelings about her own appearance affect her daily life, blaming her ‘ugliness’ on everything negative that happens to her, even though she knows she is a good person. Curious to know how other ‘ugly people’ deal with not being pretty, she went on to ask for life tips: “How do you deal with not being attractive to most men? How do you accept how you look and learn to love yourself, regardless?” (Facebook cover image: emifasho)

Image credits:j bizzie

The post attracted tons of comments offering all kinds of insightful life advice and experiences. One really stood out, however, and it was written from a man’s perspective. The former Marine, who sustained severe injuries after his helicopter got shot down over Iraq, felt let down by Veterans Affairs in his area and had to rely on family and friends for support when times were tough. He knows how it feels to struggle with body issues and gives support whenever he can.

“It’s from the heart. It was written in one sitting at a coffee shop before work,” he told Bored Panda. “It sort of poured out of me, and it’s as honest as I know how to be. I still believe it, years after writing it.”

“I’m not known for giving good advice in matters of love. I’m a big former Marine who teaches Krav Maga in his spare time. I do EMS in the ghetto. I have a terribly dark, sarcastic sense of humor – the kind that really offends people who haven’t seen what I’ve seen, been where I’ve been. Soccer moms think I’m a monster, and coroners invite me to their holiday parties. I’d imagine a lot of people would be shocked to know I wrote that response, that I think and feel those things.”

“I am one of those people that folks seem to confide in, though. Maybe they know they aren’t going to shock me, and I’ll give honest advice if they ask. I’m also very respectful of people’s privacy. I think I was driven to respond to her because I saw some parallels in our experiences that might not be obvious to her, or to the casual reader. We’re also inherently different enough that my perspective might benefit her, perhaps give her a new way to look in how to find love.”

“I really hope she’s happy and falling in love these days, doing good stuff with people who love her.”

Here’s what people had to say about it

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Daria B
Community Member
3 years ago

What he said was truly beautiful. But I think her real problem is not seeking for love from a man as much as seeking approval from society. Aesthetics... they do matter.

Jhoa
Community Member
3 years ago

I feel like the same thing applies to 'Be yourself'. There's a limit to how much of 'yourself' you can be. You still have to comply to societies unwritten rules, or risk not being accepted, and not forming connections. And there is no getting around that, it's just the way it is.

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Jo Choto
Community Member
3 years ago

In order to become friends with such a man, he would have to be open to talking to you in the first place. As an unattractive middle aged woman, I find people have no interest in talking to me, even though I'm a happy, fun person. I do understand how that girl feels. Can't help wondering what it's like to be beautiful. Society seems to heap so much privilege and opportunity on the attractive people.

Dysania
Community Member
3 years ago

Trust me, Im young unattractive woman and people have no desire to talk to me either. Hoped that with age Im gonna care less but even though Im not thinking about it as often, it still hurts. Always being overlooked, ignored, the one which doesn´t get invited anywhere...

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Dian Ella Lillie
Community Member
3 years ago

I'm not good looking, but that doesn't bother me. I don't seek an external locus of validation. Perhaps it's easier being on the spectrum, but it seems rational to me - I am responsible for who I am and how I allow myself to feel about who I am, and anyone who has a problem with it probably isn't worth the bother of my attention anyway so that bother automatically falls away. I am who I am, and that's OK, and I don't need to be anyone else or approved of by anyone else. My friends and family love me and that's enough.

Meowton Mewsk
Community Member
3 years ago (edited)

I think it also depends on how ugly you are. If you’re quite unattractive, it makes sense that at some point you just let it go and just be happy being yourself. If you’re more middle of the road, and you’re cute in certain lights but could never stack up to an actually beautiful person, then it’s gonna be harder. Because you’ll be constantly compared to beautiful people, and expected to try and measure up. Whereas someone who objectively looks bad won’t be held to that standard. People will try to find other kinds of good in you.

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Daria B
Community Member
3 years ago

What he said was truly beautiful. But I think her real problem is not seeking for love from a man as much as seeking approval from society. Aesthetics... they do matter.

Jhoa
Community Member
3 years ago

I feel like the same thing applies to 'Be yourself'. There's a limit to how much of 'yourself' you can be. You still have to comply to societies unwritten rules, or risk not being accepted, and not forming connections. And there is no getting around that, it's just the way it is.

Load More Replies...
Jo Choto
Community Member
3 years ago

In order to become friends with such a man, he would have to be open to talking to you in the first place. As an unattractive middle aged woman, I find people have no interest in talking to me, even though I'm a happy, fun person. I do understand how that girl feels. Can't help wondering what it's like to be beautiful. Society seems to heap so much privilege and opportunity on the attractive people.

Dysania
Community Member
3 years ago

Trust me, Im young unattractive woman and people have no desire to talk to me either. Hoped that with age Im gonna care less but even though Im not thinking about it as often, it still hurts. Always being overlooked, ignored, the one which doesn´t get invited anywhere...

Load More Replies...
Dian Ella Lillie
Community Member
3 years ago

I'm not good looking, but that doesn't bother me. I don't seek an external locus of validation. Perhaps it's easier being on the spectrum, but it seems rational to me - I am responsible for who I am and how I allow myself to feel about who I am, and anyone who has a problem with it probably isn't worth the bother of my attention anyway so that bother automatically falls away. I am who I am, and that's OK, and I don't need to be anyone else or approved of by anyone else. My friends and family love me and that's enough.

Meowton Mewsk
Community Member
3 years ago (edited)

I think it also depends on how ugly you are. If you’re quite unattractive, it makes sense that at some point you just let it go and just be happy being yourself. If you’re more middle of the road, and you’re cute in certain lights but could never stack up to an actually beautiful person, then it’s gonna be harder. Because you’ll be constantly compared to beautiful people, and expected to try and measure up. Whereas someone who objectively looks bad won’t be held to that standard. People will try to find other kinds of good in you.

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