‘Empty Nest’ Couple Gets Called Jerks For Not Allowing Friend’s Kids Over As They Consider Their House Not Safe For Children
Small children get in trouble all the time, so to minimize the risk, parents must prevent any dangerous situation they can think of from happening, especially in their homes, as it should be a safe space to be in. It means keeping the knives where the children can’t reach them, storing chemicals you clean the house with in a place they wouldn’t think of searching for, covering sockets, etc. It is additional stress and work, but it has to be done.
How freeing it should feel when your children are grown up and you can finally create a living space without worrying about these precautions. A woman on Reddit seems to be happy having raised her children and getting an opportunity to live with her husband in what they they consider to be a dream house; however, it is not child-safe whatsoever. That is why she doesn’t allow her friends to bring their children to her house, which causes tension in the friend group, so she started wondering if she was being too uptight.
More info: Reddit
Couple went all out on their house because they didn’t need to deprive themselves of things they like but would be dangerous for kids
Image credits: Travel4Brews (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) who picked the name ThereRcatseveywhere on Reddit describes herself and her husband living without kids as “a grand experience.” The cool part about it is that the couple didn’t need to think about what is safe and not safe for kids to be around with when setting up their new home.
Their house has a small bar in their game room and a pool. Their rooms are decorated with expensive artwork and they have a dog that wasn’t trained to be a family dog, but more of a working dog.
Some people misunderstood what bitesport meant and it’s nothing illegal. It’s a dog sport that tests dogs’ tracking, obedience, and protection skills and was originally meant for the German protection breeds such as Boxers, Dobermanns, Riesenschnauzers, and Rottweilers. Now the sport is dominated by German Shepherds and the Belgian Malinois, all of which are quite big.
That’s why all their friend gatherings at their house are adult only, but one friend keeps asking to bring her kids over as she struggles to find a sitter
Image credits: u/ThereRcatseveywhere
Not only that, the couple has firearms at their house and a magnetic knife bar full of sharpened tools. All of these features make the house not very safe for children, but the couple has nothing to worry about for the most part because they only host adult parties and they trust their friends to be safe.
However, some of their friends are still raising their children and one of them keeps insisting on bringing her three kids over to the OP’s house. They are aged 6, 8 and 13 and the OP gets along with them well.
She doesn’t mind coming over to the friend’s house when the children are home or when she brings them to other friends’ homes when they are hosting their get-togethers. She doesn’t dislike kids and even watched them for the friend at her place. The only concern the OP has is the children’s safety.
The owners are concerned about the children’s safety because they have a pool, keep firearms and a knife collection at their house so they refuse to allow them
Image credits: u/ThereRcatseveywhere
The mom tried to convince the OP that the oldest of them could look after the younger ones, but the homeowner isn’t convinced. She knows that if something were to happen to the children or they were to break something, it would put a strain on her and the mom’s friendship.
She knows the 13-year-old and doesn’t think he is mature enough to be in charge of two little kids who, the OP admits, can be a handful for even an adult. And as people in the comments pointed out, if the mom thinks that the teen can take care of the little ones, why can’t he do that at his own home?
They are only concerned about the kids’ safety and the safety of their expensive things as any incident could cause tension in the friendship
Image credits: Nacho Facello (not the actual image)
Also, the woman revealed that her neighbor had 3-year-old twins come to visit and one of them ended up in a pool. As a result, one of them has severe brain damage and the pool is one of the homeowner’s biggest safety concerns if she ever has children over.
It’s a valid concern because according to the CDC, “More children ages 1–4 die from drowning than any other cause of death except birth defects” and “For children ages 1–14, drowning is the second leading cause of unintentional injury death after motor vehicle crashes.”
And if the incident doesn’t result in a child’s death, they can still face serious consequences: “For every child who dies from drowning, another eight receive emergency department care for non-fatal drowning.”
Image credits: u/ThereRcatseverywhere
The OP does understand that it can be hard to find a sitter and that is why she asks the internet if she should just trust her friend’s kids and allow the mom to take them with her because the Redditor feels she’s excluding her friend who struggles to find a sitter and can’t participate in the gatherings.
People in the comments brought up a simple saying parents often use against their children: “my house, my rules.” If the OP feels stressed about having children in her home, she shouldn’t feel bad for not allowing them around, especially because it’s for their own safety. Furthermore, she can’t forget the incident at the neighbor’s place and the other friends are kind of mean, calling her paranoid.
And although they already did their fair share of raising kids, the couple doesn’t mind them when they are present at other friends’ homes
Image credits: u/ThereRcatseverywhere
However, they are made to feel bad for excluding the mom as she can’t come to the gatherings and are called paranoid
Image credits: Kumat Gauraw (not the actual image)
What do you think of the couple’s decision to not allow kids in their home? Do you think they shouldn’t be as paranoid or do you think the friends are not very responsible parents for not recognizing the dangers? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments don’t see a problem because a home is a sacred place where the owner can dictate the rules
I've raised 2 kids, I now have 3 grandkids, and I have 2 very large dogs. One thing that has always pissed me off is people that insist on bringing their kids and dogs places that aren't appropriate, or invited. Not everyone wants to deal with your kids, or pets, for whatever reason. If you don't like it don't go, but it isn't their problem.
The idea that people who don't enjoy being around kids are "mean" needs to go away. Not all of us have the temperment for kids. Not all of us like the noise, the smells, the chaos. I avoid children regularly because I don't like being around kids and kid culture and kid noise. What would be "mean" is having them or being around them, and then treating them badly, or being abusive. Not everyone likes or wants kids, and that doesn't make us lesser, or you better.
Load More Replies...I don't get why people think that they are allowed to take their children wherever they want even when told not to. I collect shot glasses and I wouldn't want someone to bring their child into my house and break one of them. I am not concerned about the shot glasses, I am concerned about the person's child cutting themselves on broken glass. If someone tells you not to bring your children to their house, then don't bring your children to their house. It is not a hard concept. If you can't come over unless you bring your kids, then I guess you will miss out.
EXACTLY!! My dad's mother was one of those "kids should be seen, but NEVER HEARD" types. At times I knew she didn't want to see us kids either, there is 7 of us kids. She thought we were always filty...what did she expect??!!! We were on a ranch, living miles from any neighbor kids, so we had to play together. 2 of my brothers are 2 & 4 years older than I, so we were thick as thieves. So I'm a tomboy to the core. That's not how sweet little girls act, according to his mother. We & Mom were a burden on her sweet, handson son. If we had dinner with her, as soon as finished it was put your dishes next to the sink & go away. But NO TV if we were at our ranch. Her home? Banished to the very back bedroom, except for bathroom & such, lockdown. *yeah, when I was 16, I told her off* Daddy loved all his kids/grands/greats. He said it with his eyes, they'd just sparkle. And when my sisters would his heart, his eyes showed that, too.
Load More Replies...I don't blame them. Apart from safety, having kids around is a lot of adults getting up to periodically check on them, deal with their tantrums and fighting that everyone else hears and it's inevitable someone's leaving early because their little one is getting tired/hungry/bored/grumpy. I have a child and remember going to other parents houses to hang out. That was still a hazard. One visit led to taking our daughter to the hospital for stitches on her hand after the kids broke a piggy bank. Now that my daughter is an adult, I have no thought to child proof my home and have not had any small kids over in a many years. My 2 year old second cousin I would like to have over but he's a handful and loud. I live in a top floor apartment, with toxic oil paint supplies and cleaning products in easy reach of a child, and lots of breakable, small trinkets. It's just not a good situation for kids and I'm not going to fret over it.
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Load More Replies...By agreeing (even if only one time) to bringing her children, you will create a precedent where other your friends will tell "oh, but her children visited, why my cannot come next time". You do you, other "protesting" friends will calm down soon and come back. Keep sending those invitations to "childfree nights" and they will join ultimately. Even if not - it's their loss. Many parents are secretly grateful for these nights, because they can relax without watching over the shoulder every 2 minutes.
There's a huge difference between a house that's been made safe for children and one that hasn't. My niece and nephew haven't even been to my house because it's not kid-safe and it would take more work than I have energy for to make it safe. We visit at their house.
My kids are grown and gone. We had a cocktail party a few years ago and I sent out beautifully personalized invitations that explicitly said "no children allowed; please arrange for sitters - if you cannot find the proper child care perhaps we can get together at another time". I added this because I knew some of the invitees did have young ones. Our guests begin arriving and suddenly I see a couple holding an infant. I was shocked. Not to mention the baby was screaming. I asked why they brought the baby and of course the answer was, "we can't afford a babysitter". I said "I'm sorry but the baby is really distracting the guests and it's unnerving". I barely knew this couple, they worked for my husband. The woman didn't seem phased at all and followed me to the kitchen, opened my fridge, and asked me to heat up some milk because she forgot her diaper bag!!! Seriously?
They ALWAYS make YOU be the a*****e, too. My godmother's husband got all pearl-clutchy offended when he showed up with their two granddaughters under 5 for mine and George's wedding. "Weddings are a FAMILY EVENT! I won't be at an event where MY GRANDDAUGHTERS are not welcome!" So of COURSE even though the invites said "no children, no exceptions," the a*****e got his way, because he would have made me out to be a b***h and bridezilla otherwise. Today, I would've told him to get bent and made sure there was security to kick him out. Actually, today, I wouldn't invite my family to a wedding, but I digress. We need to practice scripts for situations like this, and repeat them. "I'm sorry, we can't accommodate kids. No, I'm sorry, that's why we said no kids. Okay, we'll see you next time! No, we don't have resources for kids. (Yes, my mental aversion is included in "resources.")
Load More Replies...Honestly, it shouldn't even matter why it makes her uncomfortable. It's her house. She's the one who has to live in it, and it's her sanctuary from the world. Nobody gets to tell you what to do in your own house, and you don't need to explain yourself. God, if that's how someone is going to be, BE an a*****e. Your home is your right, and yours to defend however you want. NTA
OP mentions that other friends also have children, and don't bring them over, so what's the problem with this one "friend"? She wants to be special and she's creating divisions between friends. I can guarantee you, she's complaining to other people behind OP's back and playing the victim. That's the only explanation for some of the other friends starting to say OP is being unfair and turning down her invitations. That "friendship" is already on the rocks and it's entirely because the the "friend", not the OP.
OP is familiar with the children and says the 8-year-old is a "handful". She is totally justified in not wanting a known brat in her home. I once babysat a child that age and he pulled a gun on me, then shot a hole in the ceiling to prove it was real! Her fears are entirely warranted. I hope she shares stories about this kid with the other parents. Maybe they'll be more understanding...
Load More Replies...At the end of the day, it's their house. They don't have to invite anyone for whatever reason.
My sister's kids are wild and the last time we were all at my parents together, they made my mom cry by completely trashing a closet and attached bedroom. The next day I finally raised my voice when I saw my 8-year old niece LAUNCHING herself out of a closet (filled with antiques and prize photos) onto her brother who was begging her to stop. It's a room my mom has just finished painting and putting things up in, and filling with art. I was the bully for raising my voice until everyone cleared out (they were on their way out when it happened) and my mom said WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE, what happened to my footbath. I told you, a child climbed on top of it and launched herself off of it. The niece was never reprimanded by anyone but me. NTA.
I hope your mother asked your sister to repair the damages and replace the broken items since she was neglectful in her duty of teaching discipline to the children she chose to bring into the world and inflict on others, because I’m sure your sister didn’t offer, or felt bad for one second about the mayhem.
Load More Replies...A dog trained in Bitesports? I'll pass thanks, kids do get into everything and I understand that this house is the dream for some people ..but bitesports? Guns, Knives and an attack dog ... wow!
And that would be ONE of the reasons that OP doesn't want children (who obviously aren't as well~trained as her dog is) in HER home, harassing a dog who ISN'T TRAINED TO DEAL WITH KIDS. I'd spank any kid who was warned against going near my dogs and still did so, thinking they were 'special' and could get away with it. Guaranteed my heating their a*s will hurt a LOT LESS than my LAWSUIT against it's parents if my dog had to be taken by animal control.
Load More Replies...Not to mention, if you DID allow them to come to your house and something DID happen, you leave yourself open to a lawsuit and your insurance rates going through the roof. My husband and I are the only two living in our house. Same situation as you with guns, knives, expensive artwork, and a pool. Kids frequently knock on our door and ask if they can swim. We always say no. The mother of two of them actually came to our door and wanted to know why we wouldn't let her 9 and 11 year old boys swim. She implied that we were being "mean" and "selfish." I told her that our home is not child-friendly and that I couldn't financially risk an accident. I told her I'm not going to sit outside and play lifeguard just to make sure. Also, I don't want them to assume that since we let them once they can come anytime they want, whether we're home or not. You are definitely NTA!
Wow - so many stories of people just assuming a neighbour with a pool, is therefore a neighbourhood pool. Good call never letting them in or you’d never get them out. And a simple No is sufficient if there is ever a next time - you owe nobody any explanation beyond that.
Load More Replies...When an invite says ADULTS ONLY it's because it's an adult night away from the kids. Safety and valuables aside it's your house. If you lose friends because they are in that persons side to want to bring them to your home and you don't want kids their then get new friends. Because eventually that parent is going to show up with them and expect them to behave and they won't. And they will beg to say it's ok blah blah let me come in an drink an play and ignore them going mom mom mom dad dad dad and you flinching because u can't see them. Stand. Your. Ground.
See also: weddings. People didn't spend that much money for your bratty kids to run around screaming at an important event. "Kid free" or not having their name on the invite means your kid is not invited, so stop begging.
Load More Replies...NTA OP - your house is full of what attorneys call "attractive nuisances". A kid could freaking die if they messed with most of your stuff. That would be way worse than losing some friends. You're doing the right thing.
The passive aggressive side of me would find every piece of art that depicted loads of nudity and other questionable objects. Hire a mean old babysitter or a security guard then invite them over. It's your way or the highway
You joke, Maisey, but that's one of the reasons why our house is off-limit to little kids. My critical/academic work can involve unsavory/problem versions of kids' popular culture. Too many times, I've experienced a kid or parent assuming "Kids stuff!" about MY stuff and just... helping themselves. I see it as a bonus that they assumed they could just "play with my Barbies" because they're "for kids!" but ended up with my Tom of Finland doll. With three interchangeable penises. Yeah, my stuff is really NOT for your kids, and I told you that already!
Load More Replies...Imagine having built in a swimming pool, then legally having to cage it up just for this one douche-canoe friend occasionally bringing kids over. Unfriend her now.
Most states have an "attractive nuisance" law that your pool MUST be fenced and locked.
Load More Replies...13, 8 and 6. The older two should be fairly sensible up to a degree (13 especially, 8 strongly depends on the individual). Stick them at home, give 13 a phone if he doesn't have one so he can call mum if something does wrong. It's not an overnight trip. Give them some screens and snacks and they'll probably be fine for several hours. I'm sure the friends would be understanding if she had to leave early for her kids. Not to mention the kids must get cranky and bored at their mum's adult friend's house. It's an adults event, those are so boring as a kid
Tbh, the pool is a big concern. Other than that... I guess we're lucky that the worst thing my parents' grandkids ever did was pepper spray the entire downstairs and waterboard a chicken in the plastic wading pool, because my parents' house also has secured firearms, easily accessible knives (my dad collects pocket knives and fixed blade knives), easily accessible lighters, a lot of crystal drinkware, stairs, horses in the backyard, and a lot of cactus.
When we get invited by childless couples or couples who say that their kids are away, we assume that we go there by ourselves and leave our two kids at home (now) or with a sitter (when they were younger). An invitation is not automatically a "bring your entire family" situation. And if you're unsure, you ask. Ideally in the "you mean just us two, right?" so they can confirm without having to say "no, not your kids too". But being pissed about not being allowed to bring the kids is stupid.
Ah, yes. The "You're just being paranoid, everyone will be fine!" b******t. We heard it about COVID and the pandemic. We heard it about various healthcare losses. We heard it about kids locked in cages, about seatbelt usage, and about neurodiverse conditions and learning disorders. We need to start saying it back when people freak out over innocuous things like drag queen story time or finding out a classmate has two moms or two grandps. You know, things that DON'T immediately threaten kids' health and safety.
I wouldn't want to have kids there for a nice evening with drinks and friends, even if the house was childproofed..
Had a 6 year old nephew that was visiting. He came up to me and said, "B, did you know you have swords in your room?" I had totally forgotten the display weapons. Told him, "Yeah! They are super cool. Why don't you show your dad them and ask him to make sure they are in a safe place?" Had to keep on eye on them after that.
Get yourself an iron clad safety document for the mother to sign stating that any injuries incurred in your home regardless the cause are solely the burden of the mother to bare. List some of the possible injuries that could occur, including death, and make her read and sign. Maybe Having it in writing will help her understand
So the two younger kids are so out of control that it's hard to find a babysitter, yet their mother thinks having them run around someone else's house during a party for adults with only a 13-year old's supervision (already known to be inadequate) is a good idea? That mother is TA.
As a kid myself with a 2 year old little sister, I can agree that the OP is NTA. Kids are a handful,and 13 year old are in no way responsible enough to care for a child in an unsafe house. Hell,on one of my babysitting jobs,I accidentally broke a glass and keeping the kids away while also keeping them from fighting was a handful. Edit: And the house was childproof
Why do the other people think it's OK for this parent to bring her kids to this house where the hosts will have to essentially serve as babysitters to ensure the kids are safe? I love kids, and animals, but that's not my idea of how hosting an event should go. I invite people over to spend time with them. Not to babysit while the parents have fun with the other guests. If the parent can't find a babysitter because the 8 year old is a handful, why am I expected to accommodate that child in my home?
Okay, first of all - what is a bitesport dog? Regardless, you don’t have to have anyone in your home you don’t want period. No questions, no excuses, no discussions. Boundaries set. Done. Move along. I don’t even like my own 10 year-old niece coming to my house which this person’s house reminds me of, because she doesn’t seem to have learned respect very well nor kindness to animals and is rough with my cats - treating them like toys even though I have warned her, watched her, shown her how to interact. They had a cat that ran away for crying out loud. Hopefully found a new and better home poor thing. I just got 2 new kittens from under my neighbour’s porch, probably fathered by a wandering barn cat I feed sometimes when he visits, and I won’t tell my sister about them because I don’t want my niece wanting to come over and “playing” with them. So I get it.
NTA. You have paid your dues. Lived child proof for a long time. Now you may have your home the way you'd like it. Who do you think would be the first to blame you if anything happened to her children at your house? You are wise to stick to your guns. No matter what she promises she would hold you liable. Let her know that due to liability issues your home is not open to children at all. I agree with many comments in the thread, the 13 year old can watch her kids at home since he's so responsible. If you give an inch she'll take a mile and you'll lose control of any situation once you let those kids in your house. And you will always be blamed if anything happens to them at your house. Stay strong and say No.
You can bet that the second a child gets harmed in any home not theirs that the 'parents' will start screaming about how unsafe the house was and that the owners better have a fat insurance policy. No way in Hell will I allow kids in my house~~I don't care WHAT anyone says!
This woman became so entitled that her precious poopsys must be included in EVERY invite because the other couples enabled her! This is beyond ridiculous. Who wouldn't want an adult only night once in a while. OP find new MATURE friends!!!
As I tell my kids when you go to a friends house you must respect the house rules. You don't like it leave. This is their house their rules. No kids means no kids. She needs a new circle of friends and not stupid guilt trips.
It sounds like the other "friends" besides the one with the kids, are probably hearing a one sided, drama filled, jealous story from the kids' mom, as well. Guess what, if these super cool folks are looking for adults to enjoy child free parties, look over here! They truthfully sound like fun, caring, folks, IMHO.
your home, your rules,your peace of mind -i would make friends with other childless couples
Not an a-hole, but pretty dramatic... none of the 'hazards' would be dangerous to well behaved kids (unless the dogs are aggressive towards kids, of course). That being said, kids always spoil a party...
My house, my rules, no kids allowed.....END OF F*****G DISCUSSION !!!!!!!!
I am having this same kind of problem also. I have a friend who has a grandkid and she knows that me or my dog don't have the patience for kids. She keeps trying to force us together and it's starting to p**s me off. She doesn't get idea I don't have kids and my house is not set up for them. My dog was abused before he came to find me and I tjink kids were involved. I am sick of talking to her about it.
My home is not childproof nor child friendly. I won’t let kids near my computers and there’s no tv, and there’s a lot of stuff that could harm them. So young kids simply aren’t allowed.
Personally I wouldn't want to be friends with people who were excited to have their kids leave home so they could get guns and dogs that they allow to bite. They sound like truly awful people.
NTA, but what if their kids decide to have kids? What with the grandkids?
My daughter is one of the most well mannered kids you'll ever meet, however, she's still a kid and something shiny and forbidden can still tempt her to taking and playing with it when people aren't paying attention. Knowing this house had all these things, I'd never consider bringing her. Just curious though. Where I live, a four foot fence is required around any residential pool. Mostly to deter wildlife from thinking its a watering hole. Is that not the case where you live?
In some places it doesnt need to be fully around the pool if it ends against the house so the only way in is from inside the house then it is still a legal fence. In that case the house is considered the 4th side of the fence, my parents' pool was like that when they bought the house but they moved it back to give us more yard and keep us out as kids.
Load More Replies...I wouldn't say our house is particularly child-safe or unsafe: we have stairs, a magnetic knife rack and a collection of shot glasses on display on an open shelf. And yet - our seven year old nibling has been over and played quite happily at our house for many hours with absolutely no accidents or worrying near misses. The closest we came to an accident was when said nibling was two years old, they picked up one of the shot glasses and dropped it onto the carpet - we had been momentarily distracted by their dog; far more likely to get hurt or cause an accident than the child - and we moved the remaining shot glasses three whole inches out of the kid's reach. Perhaps it's the number of children that makes them more likely to get into trouble?
One child is easy to manage but kids in groups is a whole other ball game.
Load More Replies...I would get up a large playpen somewhere out of the way and call it 'the Kid Zone'. Make it high enough they can't escape and put some comfy pillows in there and I think that would make the point just fine.
I’m sorry. What the hell is “bite sport”? All the rest is simple no means no. But, these people have a dog and are using it for an activity called bite sport?
fuc k those nasty little crotch goblins, invite them over then feed them to your dogs and tell the parents I told ya so.
My house = my rules. I create jewelry. I have thousands of dollars invested in strands of jewelry hanging on pegboard in my studio. Scissors, cutting blades, pliers, expensive crystal beads and pieces in various stages of completion. I also work with resin so chemicals are present. I flip furniture so tools (some power tools), that are not child friendly. And furniture can be coated with drying paint or stain. As a child I was taught not to touch items that were not my mine. I never caused my parents to 'childproof' our home. I refuse to childproof my home. A friend's child grabbed my cell phone from my bag and threw it - for her it was funny. I bought my phone that day - the screen was cracked and splintered. Her Mom just laughed. I gathered my bag and jacket, thanked her for the coffee and departed. (The daughter is taking tapdance classes. She was wearing tap shoes and running around stomping toes. She is mischievous. I will not return. Abusive behavior
You had those three children, mine are grown & gone, your problem, not mine, where's the daddy or grandparents? If can't find a babysitter children must be bad or something. Cause 13 yr old can help babysit.
All the replies remind me of the invite 1 child & you feel means drop all your children to a party
Load More Replies...I had a cousin come over to my grandparents home with two of her grandkids (teens). I almost threw the kids out because they didn't understand why I wasn't letting them just grab whatever they wanted to grab. And they were absolutely baffled that I was saying no when they said they wanted items that belonged to my grandparents. And that's without having anything dangerous in the house. You don't want kids in your house just because you don't want kids in your house, that is fine! Shoot, my brother brings his dog over and gets mad when my cat hisses or scratches this space hogging brat dog, and I'm like "This is the CATS house. Pretty sure your dog is earning any swipe he gets."
Why don’t the Parents w/Children pool their resources and find a joint babysitter. Then the 13-year-old can STILL be responsible for the siblings w/Adult supervision? Also, Why can’t the a Parent be responsible for their own kids at the party, instead of dumping them on a teen? They didn’t sign up for babysitting. Your friends are NOT your friends, get new ones!
I, personally, don't feel that I need to give anyone an explanation concerning the rules of my home. If I do I do so as a courtesy. But, for whatever they are, it's for my guests to follow and literally not question because that's my house. The funny thing is if you go to someone else's house, they would expect you to extend the same courtesy and follow their rules. If someone is getting on this person's case because she doesn't want children in our home, they are not a friend. P e r i o d.
NTA If this 13 yo isn't mature to watch them at home WHAT on God's green earth makes this mom even THINK that he can do it at someone else's home? They could get hurt and then what? She's gonna sue them for having an unsafe home for her children? Nope she's better off not going to their house when it's their turn to host a party. Some kids now a days are Nothing like me and my siblings were. If we went to someone's house we Sat on the couch unless we were told we could go and play. We didn't bother our parents during The Adults talking. If we did something we got that EVIL LOOK & we just went and sat down. If we had to be told to sit down we KNEW we were in BIG TROUBLE. Some kids now a days tell the parents what to do.
People can do what they want but people who don't like kids are weird to me. I don't mean them, they seem fine with kids, but people who say they don't like kid sounds or kids in general, always has been odd. I was a kid, so you wouldn't have liked me because kids are "loud"..even though I was quiet. You were a kid, did you dislike yourself or smth-
Man ef this! The lady with the kids needs to realize the world does not revolve around her and her kids. If she wants to bring her kids she needs to find friends with kids. I would have no problem leaving kids behind for adult only break. She's weird for not wanting that night of freedom. It sounds like she wants a incident happen. People like this need to just p**s off. Do Not change your rules and If you do happen to bend your rules, have this B***h sign a form putting all responsibility on her, like bungie jump parks have. They literally say they are not responsible for anything even death. Have a lawyer draw one up for you. If you decide to fall for her pathetic tactics.
NTA. If they bring the kids and the kids accidentally harm themselves, no doubt it will be OP's fault
OP is definitely not an a$s. The 13 year old may not even WANT to watch the younger kids, and shouldn't be saddled with them. My cousin and her husband got married when I was three; I was their flower girl. I loved them, still do, and I loved their kids, still do. But I definitely HATED being "responsible for" and "watching " the kids when we were all at my grandparents. I wasn't their parent, and they certainly weren't going to listen to me in lieu of their parents, and they shouldn't have had to. Especially not at their nap time - once it was Christmas and I was somehow tasked and responsible for getting three excited, bouncy, going strong children to sleep; was NEVER going to happen - and it didn't. Their Mom finally came in, and Grandma might have as well, and guess who got bawled out? Me. The adults all thought it was funny, and I basically got told how silly and stupid I was being when I said I didn't want to be responsible for them. Thankfully, they finally grew up.
I saw a few YTA comments trying to point out that if the OP (or whoever the situation applies to) just "lock up the dangerous items then all solved". What they don't seem to understand is often, as explained by the OP, it's so much more than a few items to be locked up. It's almost nothing short of refurnishing and redecorating the entire house. What's just as bad, IMO are those who take their pets everywhere they go and expect the rest of the world to accommodate their "children". My sister is like this and we have told her countless times not to bring her dogs into our house, namely because it causes our own dog extreme anxiety. Not to mention our dog is territorial and doesn't like other dogs in the house. She doesn't understand how entitled her behavior is when we have to end up "grounding" our dog to my bedroom so she can let her dog have the run of the house. Even worse is our yearly family Christmas party where we DO keep our dog in the bedroom because of the crowd...(cont.)
. ...We (again) say no pets at the party, especially since we include our own pets on that one, yet, every year, without fail, she's "it's a family party and if that doesn't include our children, that's your problem, not mine". To add context, we raised her actual children after she lost permanent custody because of drug use (after 3 times of temporary removal). She is equally upset that her oldest chose us, not her to adopt and raise her kids (reasons that don't need to go into here), so, there's that.
Load More Replies...If she has 3 kids and thinks that the oldest can take care of the younger 2- NO! YOU ARE THE PARENT! DO NOT MAKE YOUR CHILD BE A PARENT BECAUSE YOU WANT SOME MOMMY TIME! Parents like this ps me right the hell off! Get a babysitter. Don't be so entitled to tell someone to bend the rules for you. If I say "no kids" I MEAN NO KIDS!!! If you show up with your kids you can turn right back around.
Hubby and I decided not to have kids. We don’t know anyone who has kids. Our house is not kid-proof or maybe not even kid-friendly. We have a small terrier mix dog that has never been exposed to any kids. So I believe in the ‘our house our rules’ concept. If you don’t respect that, then you don’t respect us.
If you don't want kids in your house that's your right, you don't have to justify it. About the dangers... I understand most of them, but the knifes... My parents had a magnetic plate like yours when I was little, never had a problem with it, but I supose both my brother and I had been taught not to touch the knifes since a very young age
NTA a home is that person's place away from the world and should be made to the homeowners interests and comfort If a "friend" can't respect boundaries and rules about coming to someone's home then they need to stay in their own home or learn some gd respect for others I don't understand these helicopter parents, i really don't , Ik you love your spawn ,but seriously they don't have to go to every single place with you, and I'm sure your little hellions would love to NOT have you up butt every single second(, ESPECIALLY A TEENAGER..) Can someone say 'S-mothering?!🤨🤣😂
Their house, their rules. Years ago, I hosted a no-kids engagement party for two co-workers. My flat was not kid proof, and I had a large, older dog. One couple called and said they were bringing their baby b/c their sitter cx'd at the last minute. I told them I was sorry they would miss the party. I knew they just wanted to showcase the kid and take away from the engagement celebration.
The whole "safety" speel just sounds like an attempt to improve the optics over just plainly saying they don't want kids over, which is their right. OP should not be surprised, tho, if.some folks feel put off by this and don't want to visit. You can say or do whatever you want but so can the recipients of that information. If someone feels your house rules create an unwelcoming environment that might affect the way they view the relationship and that's their prerogative. It would certainly be an eye-opener if the tables turn one day and someone deems their home "unsafe" for a senior over the same fear of injuries.
I'm just wanting to know where exactly is this magnetic knife bar that the kids can easily reach it? I mean, the 13 yo, sure, but one would hope he knows better.
I don't blame them for not wanting kids over. My husband & I don't have kids and never will, so our home isn't kid proofed (just dog proofed)... but am I the only one that noticed "bitesport"? Really?! That's a very touchy subject and training your dog to bite others has not been proven to be a good safety measure. Or training tactic.
I should add in this case thats what bitesport is as they said in their update/edit. Some people do bitesport to teach dogs to be guard dogs and protect which can involve biting people. But I agree that is a bad training tactic. I'm against guard dogs at all though. Dogs should be loved and family.
Load More Replies...No problem. With the help of an attorney, generate a huge liability release form for these inappropriate parents to sign that no matter what happens to their kids, it is their responsibility. Go over it with the parents. Make sure every concern of yours is addressed. Make them sign it before bringing kiddos over. To be honest, it really sounds like they are too cheap to hire a sitter.
I get this, but I do wonder what will happen when their kids start having kids. "Sorry kids, we can't visit grandma and grandpa, it's not safe!" Eventually they might want to figure out a solution, especially if one or more of their kids lives in a different city, so I guess enjoy it while you can?
I think these people sound really odd but they're not the AH here. I just think it's very weird to be into all this violent stuff. Bitesport? WTF? If you do something with your dog, on purpose, that makes it unsafe around kids, you are messed up in the head. Police dogs and dogs with similar training are safe around kids b/c they are properly trained. Sounds like their dogs are dangerous due to poor training. I imagine these folks will never ever have their grandkids over either if they ever have any. Who wants to live like that? people with issues.
Bitesport is testing obedience ,tracking ,and such . It might not be due to the dog's training but rather their temperament. Not every dog loves kids, and most kids have no f*****g clue how to act around dogs
Load More Replies...You could say the kids can come if the parent will meet some safety requirements. Something along the lines of: they all must take a comprehensive children's gun safety course (with proof), pass level whatever swimming lessons (with proof), the parent pay for a dog sitter (if your pups could handle that), and the parent agrees in writing to pay for any damages caused by the kids. That was you aren't banning the kids, just making sure they're safe. Those shouldn't be too hard to accomplish, if the parent said the kids will be fine at your place.
I never child proofed my house. You are the a*****e. I am an empty nester, but would not go to your home if you sent a limo and offered to pay me. I don't want to associate with ageist assholes. I work with them, I sure as f**k won't socialize with them.
So no fence around the pool? Grown adults playing arcade games and not sharing with kids? I thought they were your friends if they were your girlfriends and you truly cared about them don't you think you could put some sharp knives up and let the kids play some of your games? That's pretty ignorant to be honest yeah you and your husband do sound like the assholes I mean you have best friends you know they have children but yet for a night or so you can't put up some dangerous objects so they can come over that is sad and pathetic. Yes it is your home you can do however you want with it but if they are your true real friends like you claim they are you would not have a problem putting some things up for a night so their kids can come over that just makes you sound pathetic and sad to be real I'm surprised they're even your friends because if I was them and you claim to be my friend but can't respect my kids enough to put a couple dangerous things up so they can come over that's a shame
This is ridiculous. Did this couple take their children to other people's houses? But now that their children are grown, their friends with children are no longer invited. Honestly I guess I wouldn't worry about it too much, they don't sound like great "friends" anyway.
From other point of view, let her bring the kids and make her explain what is safe and what is not. Maybe you can invite just them for a day. A new way to learn to accept that some things are precious. Plus guns are not something to play around with. A learning experience for the kids. Explain to them the reason why they shouldn't attend parties meant for grown-ups.
This will not work. You are setting a precident so now all the people with kids will want to bring them, The parents will not look after their kids. Something *will* get damaged and you will get "oh she didn't know" or " well they *are* just kids". If a kid gets injured they will be responsible, not the parents. This isn't a school for teaching life experience, it is their home and they have no duty to allow kids in.
Load More Replies...Some of y'all are hilarious. Respect OP and their wishes because you agree with them. Someone disagrees? Don't respect them! Downvote! I personally wouldn't be friends with people who don't want to be around part of my family because they "might" do something wrong. Your husband might rape someone, never ever bring him to parties. It's makes me uncomfortable to be around people who might rape someone. Substitute other groups of the population and it doesn't pass the b******t test so easily.
It's their house and their rules. I just wonder what do they do when the grandkids come to visit or are they banished as well?
Stairs are a hazard for a 3 year old not being supervised by an adult
Load More Replies...This sounds an awful lot like "I really just don't want kids over" hiding behind "it's not safe" bc op doesnt want to just come out and say so. The later has "better optics" but is not the authentic reason. In reality it's your house, you can have whomever you want over. But don't be surprised if your friends with kids find that off-puttng and choose not to visit at all. The attitude will certainly come around back at op if they ever have mobility issues. They might end up hearing "the stairs aren't safe" "our home doesn't accommodate a walker" etc. You can do or say whatever but folks have the right to take that information and do what they will with it in return.
Why would you want to be friends in the first place? Let the "Nesters" go and move on. Bet their kids had a grand time growing up.
Didn't you read the post? They didn't have any of those things in the house while they were raising their kids because they are a hazard. It has nothing to do with liking kids - which they do.
Load More Replies...Were you expecting stories about starvation and malaria outbreaks? Of course all stories on bored panda are first world problems.
Load More Replies...You know empty nester is a common phrase meaning parents who's children have all left home right?
Load More Replies...I've raised 2 kids, I now have 3 grandkids, and I have 2 very large dogs. One thing that has always pissed me off is people that insist on bringing their kids and dogs places that aren't appropriate, or invited. Not everyone wants to deal with your kids, or pets, for whatever reason. If you don't like it don't go, but it isn't their problem.
The idea that people who don't enjoy being around kids are "mean" needs to go away. Not all of us have the temperment for kids. Not all of us like the noise, the smells, the chaos. I avoid children regularly because I don't like being around kids and kid culture and kid noise. What would be "mean" is having them or being around them, and then treating them badly, or being abusive. Not everyone likes or wants kids, and that doesn't make us lesser, or you better.
Load More Replies...I don't get why people think that they are allowed to take their children wherever they want even when told not to. I collect shot glasses and I wouldn't want someone to bring their child into my house and break one of them. I am not concerned about the shot glasses, I am concerned about the person's child cutting themselves on broken glass. If someone tells you not to bring your children to their house, then don't bring your children to their house. It is not a hard concept. If you can't come over unless you bring your kids, then I guess you will miss out.
EXACTLY!! My dad's mother was one of those "kids should be seen, but NEVER HEARD" types. At times I knew she didn't want to see us kids either, there is 7 of us kids. She thought we were always filty...what did she expect??!!! We were on a ranch, living miles from any neighbor kids, so we had to play together. 2 of my brothers are 2 & 4 years older than I, so we were thick as thieves. So I'm a tomboy to the core. That's not how sweet little girls act, according to his mother. We & Mom were a burden on her sweet, handson son. If we had dinner with her, as soon as finished it was put your dishes next to the sink & go away. But NO TV if we were at our ranch. Her home? Banished to the very back bedroom, except for bathroom & such, lockdown. *yeah, when I was 16, I told her off* Daddy loved all his kids/grands/greats. He said it with his eyes, they'd just sparkle. And when my sisters would his heart, his eyes showed that, too.
Load More Replies...I don't blame them. Apart from safety, having kids around is a lot of adults getting up to periodically check on them, deal with their tantrums and fighting that everyone else hears and it's inevitable someone's leaving early because their little one is getting tired/hungry/bored/grumpy. I have a child and remember going to other parents houses to hang out. That was still a hazard. One visit led to taking our daughter to the hospital for stitches on her hand after the kids broke a piggy bank. Now that my daughter is an adult, I have no thought to child proof my home and have not had any small kids over in a many years. My 2 year old second cousin I would like to have over but he's a handful and loud. I live in a top floor apartment, with toxic oil paint supplies and cleaning products in easy reach of a child, and lots of breakable, small trinkets. It's just not a good situation for kids and I'm not going to fret over it.
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Load More Replies...By agreeing (even if only one time) to bringing her children, you will create a precedent where other your friends will tell "oh, but her children visited, why my cannot come next time". You do you, other "protesting" friends will calm down soon and come back. Keep sending those invitations to "childfree nights" and they will join ultimately. Even if not - it's their loss. Many parents are secretly grateful for these nights, because they can relax without watching over the shoulder every 2 minutes.
There's a huge difference between a house that's been made safe for children and one that hasn't. My niece and nephew haven't even been to my house because it's not kid-safe and it would take more work than I have energy for to make it safe. We visit at their house.
My kids are grown and gone. We had a cocktail party a few years ago and I sent out beautifully personalized invitations that explicitly said "no children allowed; please arrange for sitters - if you cannot find the proper child care perhaps we can get together at another time". I added this because I knew some of the invitees did have young ones. Our guests begin arriving and suddenly I see a couple holding an infant. I was shocked. Not to mention the baby was screaming. I asked why they brought the baby and of course the answer was, "we can't afford a babysitter". I said "I'm sorry but the baby is really distracting the guests and it's unnerving". I barely knew this couple, they worked for my husband. The woman didn't seem phased at all and followed me to the kitchen, opened my fridge, and asked me to heat up some milk because she forgot her diaper bag!!! Seriously?
They ALWAYS make YOU be the a*****e, too. My godmother's husband got all pearl-clutchy offended when he showed up with their two granddaughters under 5 for mine and George's wedding. "Weddings are a FAMILY EVENT! I won't be at an event where MY GRANDDAUGHTERS are not welcome!" So of COURSE even though the invites said "no children, no exceptions," the a*****e got his way, because he would have made me out to be a b***h and bridezilla otherwise. Today, I would've told him to get bent and made sure there was security to kick him out. Actually, today, I wouldn't invite my family to a wedding, but I digress. We need to practice scripts for situations like this, and repeat them. "I'm sorry, we can't accommodate kids. No, I'm sorry, that's why we said no kids. Okay, we'll see you next time! No, we don't have resources for kids. (Yes, my mental aversion is included in "resources.")
Load More Replies...Honestly, it shouldn't even matter why it makes her uncomfortable. It's her house. She's the one who has to live in it, and it's her sanctuary from the world. Nobody gets to tell you what to do in your own house, and you don't need to explain yourself. God, if that's how someone is going to be, BE an a*****e. Your home is your right, and yours to defend however you want. NTA
OP mentions that other friends also have children, and don't bring them over, so what's the problem with this one "friend"? She wants to be special and she's creating divisions between friends. I can guarantee you, she's complaining to other people behind OP's back and playing the victim. That's the only explanation for some of the other friends starting to say OP is being unfair and turning down her invitations. That "friendship" is already on the rocks and it's entirely because the the "friend", not the OP.
OP is familiar with the children and says the 8-year-old is a "handful". She is totally justified in not wanting a known brat in her home. I once babysat a child that age and he pulled a gun on me, then shot a hole in the ceiling to prove it was real! Her fears are entirely warranted. I hope she shares stories about this kid with the other parents. Maybe they'll be more understanding...
Load More Replies...At the end of the day, it's their house. They don't have to invite anyone for whatever reason.
My sister's kids are wild and the last time we were all at my parents together, they made my mom cry by completely trashing a closet and attached bedroom. The next day I finally raised my voice when I saw my 8-year old niece LAUNCHING herself out of a closet (filled with antiques and prize photos) onto her brother who was begging her to stop. It's a room my mom has just finished painting and putting things up in, and filling with art. I was the bully for raising my voice until everyone cleared out (they were on their way out when it happened) and my mom said WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE, what happened to my footbath. I told you, a child climbed on top of it and launched herself off of it. The niece was never reprimanded by anyone but me. NTA.
I hope your mother asked your sister to repair the damages and replace the broken items since she was neglectful in her duty of teaching discipline to the children she chose to bring into the world and inflict on others, because I’m sure your sister didn’t offer, or felt bad for one second about the mayhem.
Load More Replies...A dog trained in Bitesports? I'll pass thanks, kids do get into everything and I understand that this house is the dream for some people ..but bitesports? Guns, Knives and an attack dog ... wow!
And that would be ONE of the reasons that OP doesn't want children (who obviously aren't as well~trained as her dog is) in HER home, harassing a dog who ISN'T TRAINED TO DEAL WITH KIDS. I'd spank any kid who was warned against going near my dogs and still did so, thinking they were 'special' and could get away with it. Guaranteed my heating their a*s will hurt a LOT LESS than my LAWSUIT against it's parents if my dog had to be taken by animal control.
Load More Replies...Not to mention, if you DID allow them to come to your house and something DID happen, you leave yourself open to a lawsuit and your insurance rates going through the roof. My husband and I are the only two living in our house. Same situation as you with guns, knives, expensive artwork, and a pool. Kids frequently knock on our door and ask if they can swim. We always say no. The mother of two of them actually came to our door and wanted to know why we wouldn't let her 9 and 11 year old boys swim. She implied that we were being "mean" and "selfish." I told her that our home is not child-friendly and that I couldn't financially risk an accident. I told her I'm not going to sit outside and play lifeguard just to make sure. Also, I don't want them to assume that since we let them once they can come anytime they want, whether we're home or not. You are definitely NTA!
Wow - so many stories of people just assuming a neighbour with a pool, is therefore a neighbourhood pool. Good call never letting them in or you’d never get them out. And a simple No is sufficient if there is ever a next time - you owe nobody any explanation beyond that.
Load More Replies...When an invite says ADULTS ONLY it's because it's an adult night away from the kids. Safety and valuables aside it's your house. If you lose friends because they are in that persons side to want to bring them to your home and you don't want kids their then get new friends. Because eventually that parent is going to show up with them and expect them to behave and they won't. And they will beg to say it's ok blah blah let me come in an drink an play and ignore them going mom mom mom dad dad dad and you flinching because u can't see them. Stand. Your. Ground.
See also: weddings. People didn't spend that much money for your bratty kids to run around screaming at an important event. "Kid free" or not having their name on the invite means your kid is not invited, so stop begging.
Load More Replies...NTA OP - your house is full of what attorneys call "attractive nuisances". A kid could freaking die if they messed with most of your stuff. That would be way worse than losing some friends. You're doing the right thing.
The passive aggressive side of me would find every piece of art that depicted loads of nudity and other questionable objects. Hire a mean old babysitter or a security guard then invite them over. It's your way or the highway
You joke, Maisey, but that's one of the reasons why our house is off-limit to little kids. My critical/academic work can involve unsavory/problem versions of kids' popular culture. Too many times, I've experienced a kid or parent assuming "Kids stuff!" about MY stuff and just... helping themselves. I see it as a bonus that they assumed they could just "play with my Barbies" because they're "for kids!" but ended up with my Tom of Finland doll. With three interchangeable penises. Yeah, my stuff is really NOT for your kids, and I told you that already!
Load More Replies...Imagine having built in a swimming pool, then legally having to cage it up just for this one douche-canoe friend occasionally bringing kids over. Unfriend her now.
Most states have an "attractive nuisance" law that your pool MUST be fenced and locked.
Load More Replies...13, 8 and 6. The older two should be fairly sensible up to a degree (13 especially, 8 strongly depends on the individual). Stick them at home, give 13 a phone if he doesn't have one so he can call mum if something does wrong. It's not an overnight trip. Give them some screens and snacks and they'll probably be fine for several hours. I'm sure the friends would be understanding if she had to leave early for her kids. Not to mention the kids must get cranky and bored at their mum's adult friend's house. It's an adults event, those are so boring as a kid
Tbh, the pool is a big concern. Other than that... I guess we're lucky that the worst thing my parents' grandkids ever did was pepper spray the entire downstairs and waterboard a chicken in the plastic wading pool, because my parents' house also has secured firearms, easily accessible knives (my dad collects pocket knives and fixed blade knives), easily accessible lighters, a lot of crystal drinkware, stairs, horses in the backyard, and a lot of cactus.
When we get invited by childless couples or couples who say that their kids are away, we assume that we go there by ourselves and leave our two kids at home (now) or with a sitter (when they were younger). An invitation is not automatically a "bring your entire family" situation. And if you're unsure, you ask. Ideally in the "you mean just us two, right?" so they can confirm without having to say "no, not your kids too". But being pissed about not being allowed to bring the kids is stupid.
Ah, yes. The "You're just being paranoid, everyone will be fine!" b******t. We heard it about COVID and the pandemic. We heard it about various healthcare losses. We heard it about kids locked in cages, about seatbelt usage, and about neurodiverse conditions and learning disorders. We need to start saying it back when people freak out over innocuous things like drag queen story time or finding out a classmate has two moms or two grandps. You know, things that DON'T immediately threaten kids' health and safety.
I wouldn't want to have kids there for a nice evening with drinks and friends, even if the house was childproofed..
Had a 6 year old nephew that was visiting. He came up to me and said, "B, did you know you have swords in your room?" I had totally forgotten the display weapons. Told him, "Yeah! They are super cool. Why don't you show your dad them and ask him to make sure they are in a safe place?" Had to keep on eye on them after that.
Get yourself an iron clad safety document for the mother to sign stating that any injuries incurred in your home regardless the cause are solely the burden of the mother to bare. List some of the possible injuries that could occur, including death, and make her read and sign. Maybe Having it in writing will help her understand
So the two younger kids are so out of control that it's hard to find a babysitter, yet their mother thinks having them run around someone else's house during a party for adults with only a 13-year old's supervision (already known to be inadequate) is a good idea? That mother is TA.
As a kid myself with a 2 year old little sister, I can agree that the OP is NTA. Kids are a handful,and 13 year old are in no way responsible enough to care for a child in an unsafe house. Hell,on one of my babysitting jobs,I accidentally broke a glass and keeping the kids away while also keeping them from fighting was a handful. Edit: And the house was childproof
Why do the other people think it's OK for this parent to bring her kids to this house where the hosts will have to essentially serve as babysitters to ensure the kids are safe? I love kids, and animals, but that's not my idea of how hosting an event should go. I invite people over to spend time with them. Not to babysit while the parents have fun with the other guests. If the parent can't find a babysitter because the 8 year old is a handful, why am I expected to accommodate that child in my home?
Okay, first of all - what is a bitesport dog? Regardless, you don’t have to have anyone in your home you don’t want period. No questions, no excuses, no discussions. Boundaries set. Done. Move along. I don’t even like my own 10 year-old niece coming to my house which this person’s house reminds me of, because she doesn’t seem to have learned respect very well nor kindness to animals and is rough with my cats - treating them like toys even though I have warned her, watched her, shown her how to interact. They had a cat that ran away for crying out loud. Hopefully found a new and better home poor thing. I just got 2 new kittens from under my neighbour’s porch, probably fathered by a wandering barn cat I feed sometimes when he visits, and I won’t tell my sister about them because I don’t want my niece wanting to come over and “playing” with them. So I get it.
NTA. You have paid your dues. Lived child proof for a long time. Now you may have your home the way you'd like it. Who do you think would be the first to blame you if anything happened to her children at your house? You are wise to stick to your guns. No matter what she promises she would hold you liable. Let her know that due to liability issues your home is not open to children at all. I agree with many comments in the thread, the 13 year old can watch her kids at home since he's so responsible. If you give an inch she'll take a mile and you'll lose control of any situation once you let those kids in your house. And you will always be blamed if anything happens to them at your house. Stay strong and say No.
You can bet that the second a child gets harmed in any home not theirs that the 'parents' will start screaming about how unsafe the house was and that the owners better have a fat insurance policy. No way in Hell will I allow kids in my house~~I don't care WHAT anyone says!
This woman became so entitled that her precious poopsys must be included in EVERY invite because the other couples enabled her! This is beyond ridiculous. Who wouldn't want an adult only night once in a while. OP find new MATURE friends!!!
As I tell my kids when you go to a friends house you must respect the house rules. You don't like it leave. This is their house their rules. No kids means no kids. She needs a new circle of friends and not stupid guilt trips.
It sounds like the other "friends" besides the one with the kids, are probably hearing a one sided, drama filled, jealous story from the kids' mom, as well. Guess what, if these super cool folks are looking for adults to enjoy child free parties, look over here! They truthfully sound like fun, caring, folks, IMHO.
your home, your rules,your peace of mind -i would make friends with other childless couples
Not an a-hole, but pretty dramatic... none of the 'hazards' would be dangerous to well behaved kids (unless the dogs are aggressive towards kids, of course). That being said, kids always spoil a party...
My house, my rules, no kids allowed.....END OF F*****G DISCUSSION !!!!!!!!
I am having this same kind of problem also. I have a friend who has a grandkid and she knows that me or my dog don't have the patience for kids. She keeps trying to force us together and it's starting to p**s me off. She doesn't get idea I don't have kids and my house is not set up for them. My dog was abused before he came to find me and I tjink kids were involved. I am sick of talking to her about it.
My home is not childproof nor child friendly. I won’t let kids near my computers and there’s no tv, and there’s a lot of stuff that could harm them. So young kids simply aren’t allowed.
Personally I wouldn't want to be friends with people who were excited to have their kids leave home so they could get guns and dogs that they allow to bite. They sound like truly awful people.
NTA, but what if their kids decide to have kids? What with the grandkids?
My daughter is one of the most well mannered kids you'll ever meet, however, she's still a kid and something shiny and forbidden can still tempt her to taking and playing with it when people aren't paying attention. Knowing this house had all these things, I'd never consider bringing her. Just curious though. Where I live, a four foot fence is required around any residential pool. Mostly to deter wildlife from thinking its a watering hole. Is that not the case where you live?
In some places it doesnt need to be fully around the pool if it ends against the house so the only way in is from inside the house then it is still a legal fence. In that case the house is considered the 4th side of the fence, my parents' pool was like that when they bought the house but they moved it back to give us more yard and keep us out as kids.
Load More Replies...I wouldn't say our house is particularly child-safe or unsafe: we have stairs, a magnetic knife rack and a collection of shot glasses on display on an open shelf. And yet - our seven year old nibling has been over and played quite happily at our house for many hours with absolutely no accidents or worrying near misses. The closest we came to an accident was when said nibling was two years old, they picked up one of the shot glasses and dropped it onto the carpet - we had been momentarily distracted by their dog; far more likely to get hurt or cause an accident than the child - and we moved the remaining shot glasses three whole inches out of the kid's reach. Perhaps it's the number of children that makes them more likely to get into trouble?
One child is easy to manage but kids in groups is a whole other ball game.
Load More Replies...I would get up a large playpen somewhere out of the way and call it 'the Kid Zone'. Make it high enough they can't escape and put some comfy pillows in there and I think that would make the point just fine.
I’m sorry. What the hell is “bite sport”? All the rest is simple no means no. But, these people have a dog and are using it for an activity called bite sport?
fuc k those nasty little crotch goblins, invite them over then feed them to your dogs and tell the parents I told ya so.
My house = my rules. I create jewelry. I have thousands of dollars invested in strands of jewelry hanging on pegboard in my studio. Scissors, cutting blades, pliers, expensive crystal beads and pieces in various stages of completion. I also work with resin so chemicals are present. I flip furniture so tools (some power tools), that are not child friendly. And furniture can be coated with drying paint or stain. As a child I was taught not to touch items that were not my mine. I never caused my parents to 'childproof' our home. I refuse to childproof my home. A friend's child grabbed my cell phone from my bag and threw it - for her it was funny. I bought my phone that day - the screen was cracked and splintered. Her Mom just laughed. I gathered my bag and jacket, thanked her for the coffee and departed. (The daughter is taking tapdance classes. She was wearing tap shoes and running around stomping toes. She is mischievous. I will not return. Abusive behavior
You had those three children, mine are grown & gone, your problem, not mine, where's the daddy or grandparents? If can't find a babysitter children must be bad or something. Cause 13 yr old can help babysit.
All the replies remind me of the invite 1 child & you feel means drop all your children to a party
Load More Replies...I had a cousin come over to my grandparents home with two of her grandkids (teens). I almost threw the kids out because they didn't understand why I wasn't letting them just grab whatever they wanted to grab. And they were absolutely baffled that I was saying no when they said they wanted items that belonged to my grandparents. And that's without having anything dangerous in the house. You don't want kids in your house just because you don't want kids in your house, that is fine! Shoot, my brother brings his dog over and gets mad when my cat hisses or scratches this space hogging brat dog, and I'm like "This is the CATS house. Pretty sure your dog is earning any swipe he gets."
Why don’t the Parents w/Children pool their resources and find a joint babysitter. Then the 13-year-old can STILL be responsible for the siblings w/Adult supervision? Also, Why can’t the a Parent be responsible for their own kids at the party, instead of dumping them on a teen? They didn’t sign up for babysitting. Your friends are NOT your friends, get new ones!
I, personally, don't feel that I need to give anyone an explanation concerning the rules of my home. If I do I do so as a courtesy. But, for whatever they are, it's for my guests to follow and literally not question because that's my house. The funny thing is if you go to someone else's house, they would expect you to extend the same courtesy and follow their rules. If someone is getting on this person's case because she doesn't want children in our home, they are not a friend. P e r i o d.
NTA If this 13 yo isn't mature to watch them at home WHAT on God's green earth makes this mom even THINK that he can do it at someone else's home? They could get hurt and then what? She's gonna sue them for having an unsafe home for her children? Nope she's better off not going to their house when it's their turn to host a party. Some kids now a days are Nothing like me and my siblings were. If we went to someone's house we Sat on the couch unless we were told we could go and play. We didn't bother our parents during The Adults talking. If we did something we got that EVIL LOOK & we just went and sat down. If we had to be told to sit down we KNEW we were in BIG TROUBLE. Some kids now a days tell the parents what to do.
People can do what they want but people who don't like kids are weird to me. I don't mean them, they seem fine with kids, but people who say they don't like kid sounds or kids in general, always has been odd. I was a kid, so you wouldn't have liked me because kids are "loud"..even though I was quiet. You were a kid, did you dislike yourself or smth-
Man ef this! The lady with the kids needs to realize the world does not revolve around her and her kids. If she wants to bring her kids she needs to find friends with kids. I would have no problem leaving kids behind for adult only break. She's weird for not wanting that night of freedom. It sounds like she wants a incident happen. People like this need to just p**s off. Do Not change your rules and If you do happen to bend your rules, have this B***h sign a form putting all responsibility on her, like bungie jump parks have. They literally say they are not responsible for anything even death. Have a lawyer draw one up for you. If you decide to fall for her pathetic tactics.
NTA. If they bring the kids and the kids accidentally harm themselves, no doubt it will be OP's fault
OP is definitely not an a$s. The 13 year old may not even WANT to watch the younger kids, and shouldn't be saddled with them. My cousin and her husband got married when I was three; I was their flower girl. I loved them, still do, and I loved their kids, still do. But I definitely HATED being "responsible for" and "watching " the kids when we were all at my grandparents. I wasn't their parent, and they certainly weren't going to listen to me in lieu of their parents, and they shouldn't have had to. Especially not at their nap time - once it was Christmas and I was somehow tasked and responsible for getting three excited, bouncy, going strong children to sleep; was NEVER going to happen - and it didn't. Their Mom finally came in, and Grandma might have as well, and guess who got bawled out? Me. The adults all thought it was funny, and I basically got told how silly and stupid I was being when I said I didn't want to be responsible for them. Thankfully, they finally grew up.
I saw a few YTA comments trying to point out that if the OP (or whoever the situation applies to) just "lock up the dangerous items then all solved". What they don't seem to understand is often, as explained by the OP, it's so much more than a few items to be locked up. It's almost nothing short of refurnishing and redecorating the entire house. What's just as bad, IMO are those who take their pets everywhere they go and expect the rest of the world to accommodate their "children". My sister is like this and we have told her countless times not to bring her dogs into our house, namely because it causes our own dog extreme anxiety. Not to mention our dog is territorial and doesn't like other dogs in the house. She doesn't understand how entitled her behavior is when we have to end up "grounding" our dog to my bedroom so she can let her dog have the run of the house. Even worse is our yearly family Christmas party where we DO keep our dog in the bedroom because of the crowd...(cont.)
. ...We (again) say no pets at the party, especially since we include our own pets on that one, yet, every year, without fail, she's "it's a family party and if that doesn't include our children, that's your problem, not mine". To add context, we raised her actual children after she lost permanent custody because of drug use (after 3 times of temporary removal). She is equally upset that her oldest chose us, not her to adopt and raise her kids (reasons that don't need to go into here), so, there's that.
Load More Replies...If she has 3 kids and thinks that the oldest can take care of the younger 2- NO! YOU ARE THE PARENT! DO NOT MAKE YOUR CHILD BE A PARENT BECAUSE YOU WANT SOME MOMMY TIME! Parents like this ps me right the hell off! Get a babysitter. Don't be so entitled to tell someone to bend the rules for you. If I say "no kids" I MEAN NO KIDS!!! If you show up with your kids you can turn right back around.
Hubby and I decided not to have kids. We don’t know anyone who has kids. Our house is not kid-proof or maybe not even kid-friendly. We have a small terrier mix dog that has never been exposed to any kids. So I believe in the ‘our house our rules’ concept. If you don’t respect that, then you don’t respect us.
If you don't want kids in your house that's your right, you don't have to justify it. About the dangers... I understand most of them, but the knifes... My parents had a magnetic plate like yours when I was little, never had a problem with it, but I supose both my brother and I had been taught not to touch the knifes since a very young age
NTA a home is that person's place away from the world and should be made to the homeowners interests and comfort If a "friend" can't respect boundaries and rules about coming to someone's home then they need to stay in their own home or learn some gd respect for others I don't understand these helicopter parents, i really don't , Ik you love your spawn ,but seriously they don't have to go to every single place with you, and I'm sure your little hellions would love to NOT have you up butt every single second(, ESPECIALLY A TEENAGER..) Can someone say 'S-mothering?!🤨🤣😂
Their house, their rules. Years ago, I hosted a no-kids engagement party for two co-workers. My flat was not kid proof, and I had a large, older dog. One couple called and said they were bringing their baby b/c their sitter cx'd at the last minute. I told them I was sorry they would miss the party. I knew they just wanted to showcase the kid and take away from the engagement celebration.
The whole "safety" speel just sounds like an attempt to improve the optics over just plainly saying they don't want kids over, which is their right. OP should not be surprised, tho, if.some folks feel put off by this and don't want to visit. You can say or do whatever you want but so can the recipients of that information. If someone feels your house rules create an unwelcoming environment that might affect the way they view the relationship and that's their prerogative. It would certainly be an eye-opener if the tables turn one day and someone deems their home "unsafe" for a senior over the same fear of injuries.
I'm just wanting to know where exactly is this magnetic knife bar that the kids can easily reach it? I mean, the 13 yo, sure, but one would hope he knows better.
I don't blame them for not wanting kids over. My husband & I don't have kids and never will, so our home isn't kid proofed (just dog proofed)... but am I the only one that noticed "bitesport"? Really?! That's a very touchy subject and training your dog to bite others has not been proven to be a good safety measure. Or training tactic.
I should add in this case thats what bitesport is as they said in their update/edit. Some people do bitesport to teach dogs to be guard dogs and protect which can involve biting people. But I agree that is a bad training tactic. I'm against guard dogs at all though. Dogs should be loved and family.
Load More Replies...No problem. With the help of an attorney, generate a huge liability release form for these inappropriate parents to sign that no matter what happens to their kids, it is their responsibility. Go over it with the parents. Make sure every concern of yours is addressed. Make them sign it before bringing kiddos over. To be honest, it really sounds like they are too cheap to hire a sitter.
I get this, but I do wonder what will happen when their kids start having kids. "Sorry kids, we can't visit grandma and grandpa, it's not safe!" Eventually they might want to figure out a solution, especially if one or more of their kids lives in a different city, so I guess enjoy it while you can?
I think these people sound really odd but they're not the AH here. I just think it's very weird to be into all this violent stuff. Bitesport? WTF? If you do something with your dog, on purpose, that makes it unsafe around kids, you are messed up in the head. Police dogs and dogs with similar training are safe around kids b/c they are properly trained. Sounds like their dogs are dangerous due to poor training. I imagine these folks will never ever have their grandkids over either if they ever have any. Who wants to live like that? people with issues.
Bitesport is testing obedience ,tracking ,and such . It might not be due to the dog's training but rather their temperament. Not every dog loves kids, and most kids have no f*****g clue how to act around dogs
Load More Replies...You could say the kids can come if the parent will meet some safety requirements. Something along the lines of: they all must take a comprehensive children's gun safety course (with proof), pass level whatever swimming lessons (with proof), the parent pay for a dog sitter (if your pups could handle that), and the parent agrees in writing to pay for any damages caused by the kids. That was you aren't banning the kids, just making sure they're safe. Those shouldn't be too hard to accomplish, if the parent said the kids will be fine at your place.
I never child proofed my house. You are the a*****e. I am an empty nester, but would not go to your home if you sent a limo and offered to pay me. I don't want to associate with ageist assholes. I work with them, I sure as f**k won't socialize with them.
So no fence around the pool? Grown adults playing arcade games and not sharing with kids? I thought they were your friends if they were your girlfriends and you truly cared about them don't you think you could put some sharp knives up and let the kids play some of your games? That's pretty ignorant to be honest yeah you and your husband do sound like the assholes I mean you have best friends you know they have children but yet for a night or so you can't put up some dangerous objects so they can come over that is sad and pathetic. Yes it is your home you can do however you want with it but if they are your true real friends like you claim they are you would not have a problem putting some things up for a night so their kids can come over that just makes you sound pathetic and sad to be real I'm surprised they're even your friends because if I was them and you claim to be my friend but can't respect my kids enough to put a couple dangerous things up so they can come over that's a shame
This is ridiculous. Did this couple take their children to other people's houses? But now that their children are grown, their friends with children are no longer invited. Honestly I guess I wouldn't worry about it too much, they don't sound like great "friends" anyway.
From other point of view, let her bring the kids and make her explain what is safe and what is not. Maybe you can invite just them for a day. A new way to learn to accept that some things are precious. Plus guns are not something to play around with. A learning experience for the kids. Explain to them the reason why they shouldn't attend parties meant for grown-ups.
This will not work. You are setting a precident so now all the people with kids will want to bring them, The parents will not look after their kids. Something *will* get damaged and you will get "oh she didn't know" or " well they *are* just kids". If a kid gets injured they will be responsible, not the parents. This isn't a school for teaching life experience, it is their home and they have no duty to allow kids in.
Load More Replies...Some of y'all are hilarious. Respect OP and their wishes because you agree with them. Someone disagrees? Don't respect them! Downvote! I personally wouldn't be friends with people who don't want to be around part of my family because they "might" do something wrong. Your husband might rape someone, never ever bring him to parties. It's makes me uncomfortable to be around people who might rape someone. Substitute other groups of the population and it doesn't pass the b******t test so easily.
It's their house and their rules. I just wonder what do they do when the grandkids come to visit or are they banished as well?
Stairs are a hazard for a 3 year old not being supervised by an adult
Load More Replies...This sounds an awful lot like "I really just don't want kids over" hiding behind "it's not safe" bc op doesnt want to just come out and say so. The later has "better optics" but is not the authentic reason. In reality it's your house, you can have whomever you want over. But don't be surprised if your friends with kids find that off-puttng and choose not to visit at all. The attitude will certainly come around back at op if they ever have mobility issues. They might end up hearing "the stairs aren't safe" "our home doesn't accommodate a walker" etc. You can do or say whatever but folks have the right to take that information and do what they will with it in return.
Why would you want to be friends in the first place? Let the "Nesters" go and move on. Bet their kids had a grand time growing up.
Didn't you read the post? They didn't have any of those things in the house while they were raising their kids because they are a hazard. It has nothing to do with liking kids - which they do.
Load More Replies...Were you expecting stories about starvation and malaria outbreaks? Of course all stories on bored panda are first world problems.
Load More Replies...You know empty nester is a common phrase meaning parents who's children have all left home right?
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