Woman Tells Neighbor She Will Not Be Her Free Babysitter Over The Summer, Drama Ensues
When somebody babysits for you, unless they’re a paid professional, they’re doing you a favor. It’s important to remember that! Nobody owes you free childcare, whether they’re your family, friends, or… your kind neighbors. Ignoring personal boundaries reeks of entitlement.
One redditor, u/Surfergirl7681, recently went viral after sharing how she enforced some healthy boundaries with her neighbor, who kept asking her to babysit. It got to the point where it became very intrusive. Read on for the full story and the insights the AITA online community shared with the OP. Bored Panda has reached out to u/Surfergirl7681 for comment via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Some neighbors are unable to understand basic boundaries, so they keep asking for favor after favor
Image credits: simbiothy/ Envato elements (not the actual photo)
One woman shared how she finally called out her neighbor for taking advantage of her kindness when it came to babysitting
Image credits: natanavo/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Surfergirl7681
The neighbor could have solved her problem in a lot of different ways
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman/Pexels (not the actual photo)
In an ideal world, all neighbors would have the time, energy, and willingness to help each other out with every little thing. Whether that’s babysitting, cleaning out the gutters, moving in/out, or helping cook awesome things on the grill.
But we do not live in an ideal world. People are incredibly busy with their own lives. There are full-time jobs to focus on, homes to tidy up, kids to feed, homework to help with, hobbies to pursue, an active social life to maintain, and… the list goes on and on.
Despite this, many of us try our best to be kind and generous whenever we can. At the same time, there have to be limits to our altruism. If we’re already stretched thin as it is, it’s much better to say ‘no’ than to agree to something you’ll resent your neighbors for.
Babysitting in emergencies is fine. However, babysitting whenever your neighbor feels like wanting some peace and quiet is a bit of a gray area. If you genuinely have the time to spare and don’t mind their kids running wild at your house, then go for it. But if it’s an actual hassle, it’s best to be honest with yourself and your neighbor about it.
Just like there’s an issue with not being kind enough, so there’s a potential problem with putting other people’s needs ahead of one’s own. If you’re constantly exhausting yourself doing favors for others, you’re putting your goals last and may need to reevaluate your priorities.
While some folks are perceptive enough to notice this and know when to stop asking for help, others might try to take advantage of your kind spirit. The latter may need some friendly (then firm) reminders that you’re not at their beck and call.
If the neighbor needs to focus on her work while her kids are being too noisy, then she needs to find a proper solution to the issue. The obvious solution to the entire problem is for redditor u/Surfergirl7681’s neighbor to start hiring a professional sitter to ensure some peace and quiet at home.
Alternatively, the neighbor could hire a sitter and also look for some quiet space to work from that’s outside her home. Soundproofing a home office also works. As would talking to her kids about why it’s so important that they keep the noise down.
There’s also the possibility to send her kids to some sort of fun camp during the holidays or find them an extracurricular activity that’d keep them busy. These ideas might cost a bit of money, but it’s a safer bet than constantly asking your neighbors for favors they don’t want to do.
These days, many people spend very little time interacting with their neighbors
Image credits: Daniel Frank/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Meanwhile, when it comes to enforcing some basic boundaries with your neighbors, it’s usually best to start things off as friendly and politely as possible. Try to explain to them why what they’re doing doesn’t work for you and how it affects your day-to-day life. This works equally for refusing babysitting ‘duties’ or telling them to knock it off with the late-night partying.
In most cases, your neighbors will get the hint. However, some folks are a tad too entitled: they can’t stand someone saying ‘no’ to them. You may need to spell it out to them in a not-so-subtle way.
Though, if you feel that the conversation is going nowhere, it’s perfectly all right to tell them ‘no,’ wish them a great day, and get on with your life.
There’s no surefire way to get along with your neighbors, but spending more time with them can help you get to grips with who they are as people. For instance, you can try to go to more neighborhood parties, charity drives, or neighborhood meetings. Or you could even invite your neighbors over for dinner sometime.
After that, you can decide whether you want these people as friends or if you’re fine with them being cordial people who simply happen to live near you.
The fact of the matter is that most people don’t even know who their neighbors are. Pew Research Center found that 57% of Americans know only some of their neighbors while just more than a quarter (26%) know most of them.
Younger people are more likely to have fewer interactions with their neighbors. Meanwhile, married and older folks tend to be far more involved in neighborly life.
According to the Pew study, 14% of respondents who know some of their neighbors said that they meet their neighbors once a month or more often for get-togethers. 28% revealed that they attend these social events less than once a month. Meanwhile, a whopping 58% said that they never meet their neighbors for get-togethers.
The woman shared a lot more context while responding to some of the comments
Most readers were on the author’s side. Here’s their take on the conflict
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Isn't it funny that when you create clear boundaries that you enforce for yourself the people who freak out the most are the ones taking the most advantage of you?
NTA. Had a neighbour did this with her kid. Nice kid, but he was in our house all the time, I was having to feed him, amuse him when my daughter just wanted to read. I said to the mother that I'd have to restrict the visits, as we needed family time too, and she went off on one. Wasn't working, just wanted time with the boyfriend- not the kids Dad.
Poor lady! This just illustrates that no good deed goes unpunished.
Load More Replies...
The mother's reaction shows you you did the right thing. If she'd been apologetic and admitted she'd been taking advantage, you might rethink, but this is pure entitlement.
NTA.Nobody owes somebody free child care.OP can’t babysit the kids all the time.She did not have to given the neighbor an explanation but she gave a reasonable one anyway.
The words 'f**k off' exist. Use it when those brats bang on the door.
Even as someone who didn't grow up in the "play outside and dont come back til dark" era, i cant understand these people who think they need to entertain their kids 24/7. A little bit of boredom is GOOD for kids. It's gives them a chance to use their imagination, and think outside the box. My parents my not have let us stay out (bad neighborhood) but they didn't coddle us like most people do these days. We knew how to entertain ourselves just fine. My favorite toy as a kid was a pen that had boxing gloves. Made up all sorts of games with it!
I was babysitting my younger brother by the time I was 12! I'm a woman though.... That mother is just straight up lazy. Tell her to go kick rocks.
Starting after Christmas, lots of WFH parents I know are looking into camps and activities for their kids in the summer.
YNTA, she and her entitled kids are. BTW, you, as a Teacher have to "babysit" everyone's kids for 9 months, you don't need to take care of hers during your so-called "off" time! Even though you made it perfectly clear, she's still trying to gaslight you on this issue. What part of NO did this moron not understand, the N or the O? Why do you care about what the gossips in the neighborhood think?
I would let her know that I don't want to watch her brats, and that I don't owe her A THING! I'd also tell her that if SHE doesn't want to be bothered with her own kids, then why would she think that I'D want to?? If she wants someone to watch her children, then she'd better get going, and hire someone!
I'm wondering why the neighbor's husband spend so much time working out of town maybe to stay away from home because she's let their sons become so bratty but he can't stand being around them anymore. If that isn't the case maybe he makes a lot more money out of town that he does working locally. They need to either hire a nanny to come over and take care of them while she's working or put them in daycare. They can definitely afford to do this during the summer since they're already shelling out money for a parochial school She needs to leave the OP heck alone especially since her sons have started fighting with each other all the time and have also started trying to pick fights with the OP's daughters.
I know folks that tell their bored kids that the bathroom needs cleaning or another unpleasant chore. The kids suddenly find something fun to do.
Orrrrrr….. there is the fact, that YOU work however many months to have your summers off and what you choose to do with it or who to it with is no one’s business. She’s not even asking for a one time help me out. She straight up said you off you can do it.. na ma’am..as the old saying goes “ p**s poor planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine” enjoy the summer staring at the wall in silence if you so choose to.
This is precisely why I am SO grateful not to live close to my partner's siblings. This is exactly what they would do to us, as they already do it to each other a LOT. There are so many texts in the family group chat where day-of, hour before, they're looking for anyone free to take their kids for the day. No damn thank you. We have ONE kid for a reason.
If she doesn’t want her kids hanging around all summer, she’s free to find some kind of summer camp/day program for her lackadaisical boys! LOL. Not OP’s kids, therefore not her problem! 😂
yeah, SO NTA...count your blessings that she's not talking to you! And as for her probably talking smack about you to mutual friends--WHY are you worried about that??? Real friends will already 'know' you, and fake ones don't matter anyway!
I make $720 a day as a teacher. I’ve been doing it forever. Schedule ahead and pay me my daily rate and I will consider it.
You're going to have to decide between her gossiping and you setting boundaries, otherwise she'll hold you hostage more and more over this, especially after she realises that's what's bothering you. I can't believe she'll have many people siding with her after you've explained she expects you to be at the beck and call of children who fight all the time and don't even get along with yours all that much - for FREE? Anyone who still thinks she's right after that is no better than her and you should block them on all your devices. You don't owe her to lighten her load, you have your own to carry - talk about entitled: me me me me everything is all about her. I mean, hey.
12 and 8? The 12 year old should be babysitting the 8 year old and not bothering the mother at all. These kids need to grow up!
Oh boy..... What a waste of a story. She just had to start saying NO -- problem solved., You do not owe anyone an explaining why you're saying NO.
You don't need to explain ANYTHING to her. You said NO and that is the end of the conversation. She is a bully. She is trying to make you feel bad for her inadequacies as a mother. In case of emergency, since she labels you as a "bad mom" then you shouldn't be on her call list.
Story of my life. But nip it in the bud quick is always the best solution. Op did okay here. Should have stopped sooner but lessons learned.
Help ought to be reciprocal. Has SHE ever done anything to help YOU with your kids? If anyone owes anyone anything here, it's HER; she has a ton of help she needs to do before you're equal. She's the bad one here.
If this mother is no longer talking to you, it sounds as if your problem has been solved. Did you suggest an actual amount of compensation.?
Totally NTA. I wouldn't bother with her anymore please don't change your mind her kids are not your problem!
Isn't it funny that when you create clear boundaries that you enforce for yourself the people who freak out the most are the ones taking the most advantage of you?
NTA. Had a neighbour did this with her kid. Nice kid, but he was in our house all the time, I was having to feed him, amuse him when my daughter just wanted to read. I said to the mother that I'd have to restrict the visits, as we needed family time too, and she went off on one. Wasn't working, just wanted time with the boyfriend- not the kids Dad.
Poor lady! This just illustrates that no good deed goes unpunished.
Load More Replies... The mother's reaction shows you you did the right thing. If she'd been apologetic and admitted she'd been taking advantage, you might rethink, but this is pure entitlement.
NTA.Nobody owes somebody free child care.OP can’t babysit the kids all the time.She did not have to given the neighbor an explanation but she gave a reasonable one anyway.
The words 'f**k off' exist. Use it when those brats bang on the door.
Even as someone who didn't grow up in the "play outside and dont come back til dark" era, i cant understand these people who think they need to entertain their kids 24/7. A little bit of boredom is GOOD for kids. It's gives them a chance to use their imagination, and think outside the box. My parents my not have let us stay out (bad neighborhood) but they didn't coddle us like most people do these days. We knew how to entertain ourselves just fine. My favorite toy as a kid was a pen that had boxing gloves. Made up all sorts of games with it!
I was babysitting my younger brother by the time I was 12! I'm a woman though.... That mother is just straight up lazy. Tell her to go kick rocks.
Starting after Christmas, lots of WFH parents I know are looking into camps and activities for their kids in the summer.
YNTA, she and her entitled kids are. BTW, you, as a Teacher have to "babysit" everyone's kids for 9 months, you don't need to take care of hers during your so-called "off" time! Even though you made it perfectly clear, she's still trying to gaslight you on this issue. What part of NO did this moron not understand, the N or the O? Why do you care about what the gossips in the neighborhood think?
I would let her know that I don't want to watch her brats, and that I don't owe her A THING! I'd also tell her that if SHE doesn't want to be bothered with her own kids, then why would she think that I'D want to?? If she wants someone to watch her children, then she'd better get going, and hire someone!
I'm wondering why the neighbor's husband spend so much time working out of town maybe to stay away from home because she's let their sons become so bratty but he can't stand being around them anymore. If that isn't the case maybe he makes a lot more money out of town that he does working locally. They need to either hire a nanny to come over and take care of them while she's working or put them in daycare. They can definitely afford to do this during the summer since they're already shelling out money for a parochial school She needs to leave the OP heck alone especially since her sons have started fighting with each other all the time and have also started trying to pick fights with the OP's daughters.
I know folks that tell their bored kids that the bathroom needs cleaning or another unpleasant chore. The kids suddenly find something fun to do.
Orrrrrr….. there is the fact, that YOU work however many months to have your summers off and what you choose to do with it or who to it with is no one’s business. She’s not even asking for a one time help me out. She straight up said you off you can do it.. na ma’am..as the old saying goes “ p**s poor planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine” enjoy the summer staring at the wall in silence if you so choose to.
This is precisely why I am SO grateful not to live close to my partner's siblings. This is exactly what they would do to us, as they already do it to each other a LOT. There are so many texts in the family group chat where day-of, hour before, they're looking for anyone free to take their kids for the day. No damn thank you. We have ONE kid for a reason.
If she doesn’t want her kids hanging around all summer, she’s free to find some kind of summer camp/day program for her lackadaisical boys! LOL. Not OP’s kids, therefore not her problem! 😂
yeah, SO NTA...count your blessings that she's not talking to you! And as for her probably talking smack about you to mutual friends--WHY are you worried about that??? Real friends will already 'know' you, and fake ones don't matter anyway!
I make $720 a day as a teacher. I’ve been doing it forever. Schedule ahead and pay me my daily rate and I will consider it.
You're going to have to decide between her gossiping and you setting boundaries, otherwise she'll hold you hostage more and more over this, especially after she realises that's what's bothering you. I can't believe she'll have many people siding with her after you've explained she expects you to be at the beck and call of children who fight all the time and don't even get along with yours all that much - for FREE? Anyone who still thinks she's right after that is no better than her and you should block them on all your devices. You don't owe her to lighten her load, you have your own to carry - talk about entitled: me me me me everything is all about her. I mean, hey.
12 and 8? The 12 year old should be babysitting the 8 year old and not bothering the mother at all. These kids need to grow up!
Oh boy..... What a waste of a story. She just had to start saying NO -- problem solved., You do not owe anyone an explaining why you're saying NO.
You don't need to explain ANYTHING to her. You said NO and that is the end of the conversation. She is a bully. She is trying to make you feel bad for her inadequacies as a mother. In case of emergency, since she labels you as a "bad mom" then you shouldn't be on her call list.
Story of my life. But nip it in the bud quick is always the best solution. Op did okay here. Should have stopped sooner but lessons learned.
Help ought to be reciprocal. Has SHE ever done anything to help YOU with your kids? If anyone owes anyone anything here, it's HER; she has a ton of help she needs to do before you're equal. She's the bad one here.
If this mother is no longer talking to you, it sounds as if your problem has been solved. Did you suggest an actual amount of compensation.?
Totally NTA. I wouldn't bother with her anymore please don't change your mind her kids are not your problem!
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