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Invalidating a child’s feelings is one of the worst things any parent can do. These actions are not only hurtful as they happen, but the pain from such psychological abuse may linger for a long time.
This was the experience of a teenage boy who dealt with the untoward advances of his sister’s best friend. Instead of helping him ward her off, his parents downplayed the situation as a “harmless crush.”
The situation forced him to move out and run off to his grandparents, but his actions only caused more tension within the family.
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A teenage boy had been dealing with untoward advances from his sister’s best friend
Image credits: New Africa / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite how she made him uncomfortable, his parents dismissed it as a “harmless crush”
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
The situation got so out of hand that he was forced to leave home and move in with his grandparents
Image credits: vgstockstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, his actions only caused more division within their family
Image credits: FabulousHand3789
The effects of parental gaslighting can carry over into adulthood
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
At 17, the boy had already experienced repeated gaslighting from his parents. According to author and counsellor Dominic Decker, it can happen in various forms, including blame shifting, dismissal of emotions, invalidation, and trivializing, all of which the parents did.
Parental gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that may linger for a long time. In this case, the story’s author may experience it through his adult years.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Daniel S. Lobel explains in an article for Psychology Today, the abused child may find it difficult to trust themselves, their memories, and their perception of reality.
According to Dr. Lobel, these individuals tend to grow up with insecurities about their abilities.
“They suffer considerable anxiety and often underachieve, as they underestimate their abilities and lack confidence,” he wrote, adding that the person may struggle with decision-making or taking on leadership roles.
Dr. Lobel says parents suffering from mental disorders like borderline and narcissistic personalities are more likely to gaslight their children because they “loathe to take responsibility for errors or unwanted consequences.”
Self-compassion can help curb the effects of parental gaslighting
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
A person carrying trauma from parental gaslighting may feel dejected and hopeless and think, “the damage has been done.” However, experts encourage practicing self-compassion and acceptance.
Dr. Lobel says the first step is understanding that gaslighting could have been the parents’ coping mechanism, emphasizing that “you are not actually incompetent.” Step two is about taking risks and trusting your abilities rather than seeking validation from others.
“Though painful, this process can change your life by giving you a level of peace of mind that you never dreamed you could attain,” Dr. Lobel stated.
Decker adds that establishing emotional distance is also essential when dealing with toxic behavior from a parent. He emphasizes the importance of refusing to be consumed by the negativity and instead acknowledging its impact and your desire to overturn it.
The author did the right thing by running off to his grandparents, who are influential enough to deal with his mother and father. At his age, he had enough self-awareness to see how unhealthy his home environment was.
Most commenters sided with the author, with a few pointing out how the situation would be different if the roles were reversed
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What do you think ?
UpupaEpops 8 months ago
This is when gender reverse comes in so handy. Unfortunately, and I'm saying this as a woman, women can get away with s**t a man can't. So ask them what they think would happen is you were the one pursuing Meg the same way she does.
Clown fish 8 months ago (edited)
Yep even if it was a 15 yr old boy going after a 17 yr old girl people would be up in arms. My other half had a similar problem with his sister's friend. She was 15 he was 20 and she climbed in his bed naked one night. He kicked her and she landed really hard on the floor. She tried to say he kicked her for no reason. Lucky his mum knew what the girl had been doing ie flirting and trying to get attention but after that incident she was banned from their home. (Just as an edit he kicked her out of the bed in shock he didn't just kick her)
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KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Get a restraining order. You have enough evidence of harassment. Also report the theft. Your parents are enabling c***s and quietly homophobic.
Joe Reaves 8 months ago
They're not doing Meg any favours either. Firstly, by allowing this they're not providing her with any incentive to move on and find someone who might like her back and secondly, if she continues this behaviour with other targets in the future she'll get fired or arrested or just plain pepper sprayed.
Susie Elle 8 months ago
Meg's a stalker and a predator and the parents are low-key using it as some sort of conversion therapy
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
One also has to wonder if Meg actually has a crush on OP, or whether Meg considers him to be a challenge, and is only trying to convert him. There are those who think doing something like that is a feather in their cap, like some kind of f****d up “I’m so desirable even gay guys can’t resist me” kind of thinking. Hey, way too many men think like that when they meet a lesbian, like their powers of attraction are so strong even someone not at all interested in their entire gender would instantly convert. F****d up thinking all around, and OP’s parents are actively supporting it by minimizing and dismissing OP’s feelings about being sexually harassed. Thank goodness for the grandparents. I hope OP gets the whole bunch, Meg, Lana, and his parents, TF out of his life, and goes on to have a deliriously happy and fulfilling future, and keeps his grandparents as close by him as possible. I know he’ll take as good care of them in their old age as they did when they saved him from his s****y home life in his parents’ house.
Load More Replies... Panda Kicki 8 months ago
Isnt she old enough to be reported to the police for repeated harassements?
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago (edited)
I agree. Although being a minor, as the adults in charge are clearly not providing adequate supervision, maybe CPS ought to be involved (i.e. her parents are allowing her to be supervised by people who encourage inappropriate sexual behaviour).
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The Doom Song 8 months ago
And if it were the other way round and Meg was a guy and the poor brother was a girl who was gay I wonder what the parents would have said....
Zoe Vokes 8 months ago
They might still encourage that behaviour if part of the issue is that OP’s parents don’t want their children being gay and hope that somebody from the opposite gender being interested in them might “fix them.”
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Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 8 months ago
What she's doing is illegal and i hope she realised what she's doing is f****d up
Lisa T 8 months ago
Imagine a guy acting like this, even if the guy was 15 and the girl was 17. I bet they wouldn’t call HIM a kid. I feel like Meg has some kind of mental illness, not that that excuses her behaviour. Get a restraining order out on her, then she has no choice but to stay away.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
It wouldn’t no , but at least they could treat that , right , just being as she is cos she is is only treatable by locking her up tbh men ain’t safe around her at all , I mean omg what if she turned attentions to a much older bloke , he would be the one getting in the s**t 🤦♀️
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Michelle C 8 months ago
Give it a year and that 15y/o girl with a crush will turn into a 16y/o girl with an accusation against an 18 y/o man out of spite. Cudos for making sure his grandparents and teachers know what's going on. His parents were dead wrong and should be held accountable for thinking it's ok for a 15y/o girl to be sneaking into a 17 y/o boys bed...and BTW what does this girls parents think, are they aware of their daughters disturbing behavior and condone it as well?!? Because if I were her parent and I caught wind of this I not only would have torn her up but the other parents too!
Deborah B 8 months ago
Poor guy. He needs to talk to his guidance counsellor or a teacher or a trusted teacher and arrange a meeting with his grandparents and the principal, and possibly a lawyer (if they can get one). Lay it out: He is being stalked and harassed. Unwanted touching. She has tried to climb into bed with him. She has followed him into the bathroom at school. He has to arrange a friend to be with him at all times because he feels unsafe being alone. The school needs to treat sexual harassment seriously, whatever the gender of the victim. Lack of support from his sister and parents makes it more of an issue, not less. Be clear: He is gay, he suspects homophobia on the part of the parents He needs a restraining order against the girl. The school needs to put the girl on a behaviour agreement - if she approaches him, she gets suspended. He and his grandparents need to discuss with the lawyer and police whether she can be charged with a*****t or sexual a*****t for any of the contact.
Fabulous chocolate cookie 8 months ago (edited)
This post feels odly familiair to another post from BP where a girl had a crush on a guy and went to extreme lengths to get to him. Including stalking, r**e-attempts and harrasment. But yeah this is typical thing where girls can harrass guys. What if it was the other way around? Then he would be jailed already.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
And on the s e x offenders reg with it ! As she should be , unless it’s down to a mental thing , as some people with mental issues ,have very little awareness of what’s not appropriate,, n can be treated but if it’s just her being a s k a n k can’t, then it can’t so she needs treating like a lad would be right
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🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago
Tell them that you were bi when you were younger, but Meg's harassment has definitely put you off women.
urbeinghunted 25 8 months ago
This is very very hypocritical. I highly doubt the parents would say the same if roles were reversed. I hate these double standards. When a boy does that to a girl, it's called out for r**e and sexual harassment but not the other way round? Wtf people?
Amy Smith 8 months ago (edited)
NTA at all, she's 15 and this behaviour should not be tolerated or considered a "harmless crush" because of her age or the fact that she is a girl. This is disturbing and if nothing is done is a worrying potential precursor to things she may do later in life. Bottom line mate is that you are being harassed and 100% don't deserve to be. This mentality that over sexualised children acting like this is "normal" is harmful. Let's face it, even if you were straight and gave into her, she's still underage and you would be in trouble. There is also the fact that worryingly, continuing to spurn her advances could lead her to lie about you causing you no end of trouble. Your parents unwillingness to protect you through this is disturbing as well. Please speak to someone about how you can protect yourself and address this issue. Hope it's resolved soon
Ben Aziza 8 months ago
Holy f did his parents just go "just let it happen, just get r***d it is not big deal" what the f? I am sure the double standard of sexual harassment and a*****t is a factor for some who dismissed him, but his parents are enabling it. This has to be some twisted anti-gay thing. As for the unhinged teen well that is why juvenile correction exists they are usually equipped with psychiatrists too. Honestly I think you need a f*****g magician cus this is beyond narcissism and lack of respect for the other.
Lyone Fein 8 months ago
How do you feel about the parents response to their son’s concerns? They are being hateful and unsupportive toward him.
tori Ohno 8 months ago
There's laws against this kind of harassment. Get all your evidence together and statements from school officials, and file a restraining order. This girl is going to realize one day that no really means NO, and do something stupid, like cry r a p e or attack him. Legally get rid of her.
Schmebulock 8 months ago (edited)
Tell your parents in front of other people that you were mistaken about being gay and can't wait to pop Megs cherry. Maybe even throw in there how its going be real fun the next time she sneaks in your room late at night.
brandyy17 8 months ago
this happened to me. my friends little brother had a huge crush on me and wouldnt leave me alone. thankfully my friend and her mom sided with me as well as my parents. my friends dad however just encouraged him. it got to the point where hed follow my friend wen she came over just so he could b there too. my parents never let him in. once college time came around me and my friend went to the same college, were roommates and her brother constantly tried to visit on weekends. he even applied for the same college and surrounding ones. he got in but my friend failed to tell him i had to leave due to severe pnuemonia and wouldnt b coming back. he was now in a different state with no car and didnt kno where i was going to school. my friend however would visit me and he couldnt follow bc he was dormed on the other side of campus and my parents would pick her up off campus. he never gave up the crush tho. his crush started in 1998 finally gave up in 2020 wen he learned i got married.
Becca not Becky 8 months ago (edited)
The parents are such hypocrites. If they love Meg so much more than their own son, they should still call her out because this kind of behavior she's displaying could also put her in danger if she eventually moves on to the kind of guy that would hurt her. It's not healthy for her or those she decides to pursue. No one wins with this kind of behavior.
Crep 105 6 months ago
Like many others have said, this is sexual harassment, sexual a*****t, stalking, and theft. The fact that his parents and sister are treating these LITERAL CRIMES (Some of which are actual felonies) as "Just a crush" is disgusting. But, I am happy his grandparents and teachers were awesome, and stood up for him. Props 👏
Uncle Schmickle 7 months ago
This Meg character has psychological problems. This type of behaviour could also escalate to claims of sexual abuse, r**e, etc. which is what some of these females do if they don't get their way. I'm shocked that the parents blissfully ignore the potentially disastrous outcome.
Lori Gibbs 7 months ago
Sexual harassment and stalking, I'm surprised she wasn't arrested! His parents as well for child endangerment and/or pimping.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
wtf is this little s k a n k on ffs , she’s so gonna end up being r a p e d one day acting like this she is gonna pick on the wrong person !! N as a few others have said ,turn the tables a lad harassing a girl like this it’s is 100% sexual a b u s e she’s doing and roles reversed the lad would be hauled up in court n put in a s*x offenders reg no doubt about it , so why the f*****k do your parents think cos she’s a girl its ok 🤬it’s NOT OKAY ,far from !! If anyone did this to my kids 24f -21m this yr , I’d be going nuke n then some on the person doing it !! I’m so glad you have your grandparents on your side , this girl is bloody dangerous !! n I bet if you where left alone with her she would try something more , then cry r a p e when you rejected her 100% she would ! I hope she’s got a mental defect that’s causing this as that if her bloody parents bother to take her to get checked out , as this could cause serious issues in her life moving forward big time bad !
UpupaEpops 8 months ago
This is when gender reverse comes in so handy. Unfortunately, and I'm saying this as a woman, women can get away with s**t a man can't. So ask them what they think would happen is you were the one pursuing Meg the same way she does.
Clown fish 8 months ago (edited)
Yep even if it was a 15 yr old boy going after a 17 yr old girl people would be up in arms. My other half had a similar problem with his sister's friend. She was 15 he was 20 and she climbed in his bed naked one night. He kicked her and she landed really hard on the floor. She tried to say he kicked her for no reason. Lucky his mum knew what the girl had been doing ie flirting and trying to get attention but after that incident she was banned from their home. (Just as an edit he kicked her out of the bed in shock he didn't just kick her)
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Get a restraining order. You have enough evidence of harassment. Also report the theft. Your parents are enabling c***s and quietly homophobic.
Joe Reaves 8 months ago
They're not doing Meg any favours either. Firstly, by allowing this they're not providing her with any incentive to move on and find someone who might like her back and secondly, if she continues this behaviour with other targets in the future she'll get fired or arrested or just plain pepper sprayed.
Susie Elle 8 months ago
Meg's a stalker and a predator and the parents are low-key using it as some sort of conversion therapy
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
One also has to wonder if Meg actually has a crush on OP, or whether Meg considers him to be a challenge, and is only trying to convert him. There are those who think doing something like that is a feather in their cap, like some kind of f****d up “I’m so desirable even gay guys can’t resist me” kind of thinking. Hey, way too many men think like that when they meet a lesbian, like their powers of attraction are so strong even someone not at all interested in their entire gender would instantly convert. F****d up thinking all around, and OP’s parents are actively supporting it by minimizing and dismissing OP’s feelings about being sexually harassed. Thank goodness for the grandparents. I hope OP gets the whole bunch, Meg, Lana, and his parents, TF out of his life, and goes on to have a deliriously happy and fulfilling future, and keeps his grandparents as close by him as possible. I know he’ll take as good care of them in their old age as they did when they saved him from his s****y home life in his parents’ house.
Load More Replies... Panda Kicki 8 months ago
Isnt she old enough to be reported to the police for repeated harassements?
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago (edited)
I agree. Although being a minor, as the adults in charge are clearly not providing adequate supervision, maybe CPS ought to be involved (i.e. her parents are allowing her to be supervised by people who encourage inappropriate sexual behaviour).
Load More Replies... The Doom Song 8 months ago
And if it were the other way round and Meg was a guy and the poor brother was a girl who was gay I wonder what the parents would have said....
Zoe Vokes 8 months ago
They might still encourage that behaviour if part of the issue is that OP’s parents don’t want their children being gay and hope that somebody from the opposite gender being interested in them might “fix them.”
Load More Replies... Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 8 months ago
What she's doing is illegal and i hope she realised what she's doing is f****d up
Lisa T 8 months ago
Imagine a guy acting like this, even if the guy was 15 and the girl was 17. I bet they wouldn’t call HIM a kid. I feel like Meg has some kind of mental illness, not that that excuses her behaviour. Get a restraining order out on her, then she has no choice but to stay away.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
It wouldn’t no , but at least they could treat that , right , just being as she is cos she is is only treatable by locking her up tbh men ain’t safe around her at all , I mean omg what if she turned attentions to a much older bloke , he would be the one getting in the s**t 🤦♀️
Load More Replies... Michelle C 8 months ago
Give it a year and that 15y/o girl with a crush will turn into a 16y/o girl with an accusation against an 18 y/o man out of spite. Cudos for making sure his grandparents and teachers know what's going on. His parents were dead wrong and should be held accountable for thinking it's ok for a 15y/o girl to be sneaking into a 17 y/o boys bed...and BTW what does this girls parents think, are they aware of their daughters disturbing behavior and condone it as well?!? Because if I were her parent and I caught wind of this I not only would have torn her up but the other parents too!
Deborah B 8 months ago
Poor guy. He needs to talk to his guidance counsellor or a teacher or a trusted teacher and arrange a meeting with his grandparents and the principal, and possibly a lawyer (if they can get one). Lay it out: He is being stalked and harassed. Unwanted touching. She has tried to climb into bed with him. She has followed him into the bathroom at school. He has to arrange a friend to be with him at all times because he feels unsafe being alone. The school needs to treat sexual harassment seriously, whatever the gender of the victim. Lack of support from his sister and parents makes it more of an issue, not less. Be clear: He is gay, he suspects homophobia on the part of the parents He needs a restraining order against the girl. The school needs to put the girl on a behaviour agreement - if she approaches him, she gets suspended. He and his grandparents need to discuss with the lawyer and police whether she can be charged with a*****t or sexual a*****t for any of the contact.
Fabulous chocolate cookie 8 months ago (edited)
This post feels odly familiair to another post from BP where a girl had a crush on a guy and went to extreme lengths to get to him. Including stalking, r**e-attempts and harrasment. But yeah this is typical thing where girls can harrass guys. What if it was the other way around? Then he would be jailed already.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
And on the s e x offenders reg with it ! As she should be , unless it’s down to a mental thing , as some people with mental issues ,have very little awareness of what’s not appropriate,, n can be treated but if it’s just her being a s k a n k can’t, then it can’t so she needs treating like a lad would be right
Load More Replies... 🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago
Tell them that you were bi when you were younger, but Meg's harassment has definitely put you off women.
urbeinghunted 25 8 months ago
This is very very hypocritical. I highly doubt the parents would say the same if roles were reversed. I hate these double standards. When a boy does that to a girl, it's called out for r**e and sexual harassment but not the other way round? Wtf people?
Amy Smith 8 months ago (edited)
NTA at all, she's 15 and this behaviour should not be tolerated or considered a "harmless crush" because of her age or the fact that she is a girl. This is disturbing and if nothing is done is a worrying potential precursor to things she may do later in life. Bottom line mate is that you are being harassed and 100% don't deserve to be. This mentality that over sexualised children acting like this is "normal" is harmful. Let's face it, even if you were straight and gave into her, she's still underage and you would be in trouble. There is also the fact that worryingly, continuing to spurn her advances could lead her to lie about you causing you no end of trouble. Your parents unwillingness to protect you through this is disturbing as well. Please speak to someone about how you can protect yourself and address this issue. Hope it's resolved soon
Ben Aziza 8 months ago
Holy f did his parents just go "just let it happen, just get r***d it is not big deal" what the f? I am sure the double standard of sexual harassment and a*****t is a factor for some who dismissed him, but his parents are enabling it. This has to be some twisted anti-gay thing. As for the unhinged teen well that is why juvenile correction exists they are usually equipped with psychiatrists too. Honestly I think you need a f*****g magician cus this is beyond narcissism and lack of respect for the other.
Lyone Fein 8 months ago
How do you feel about the parents response to their son’s concerns? They are being hateful and unsupportive toward him.
tori Ohno 8 months ago
There's laws against this kind of harassment. Get all your evidence together and statements from school officials, and file a restraining order. This girl is going to realize one day that no really means NO, and do something stupid, like cry r a p e or attack him. Legally get rid of her.
Schmebulock 8 months ago (edited)
Tell your parents in front of other people that you were mistaken about being gay and can't wait to pop Megs cherry. Maybe even throw in there how its going be real fun the next time she sneaks in your room late at night.
brandyy17 8 months ago
this happened to me. my friends little brother had a huge crush on me and wouldnt leave me alone. thankfully my friend and her mom sided with me as well as my parents. my friends dad however just encouraged him. it got to the point where hed follow my friend wen she came over just so he could b there too. my parents never let him in. once college time came around me and my friend went to the same college, were roommates and her brother constantly tried to visit on weekends. he even applied for the same college and surrounding ones. he got in but my friend failed to tell him i had to leave due to severe pnuemonia and wouldnt b coming back. he was now in a different state with no car and didnt kno where i was going to school. my friend however would visit me and he couldnt follow bc he was dormed on the other side of campus and my parents would pick her up off campus. he never gave up the crush tho. his crush started in 1998 finally gave up in 2020 wen he learned i got married.
Becca not Becky 8 months ago (edited)
The parents are such hypocrites. If they love Meg so much more than their own son, they should still call her out because this kind of behavior she's displaying could also put her in danger if she eventually moves on to the kind of guy that would hurt her. It's not healthy for her or those she decides to pursue. No one wins with this kind of behavior.
Crep 105 6 months ago
Like many others have said, this is sexual harassment, sexual a*****t, stalking, and theft. The fact that his parents and sister are treating these LITERAL CRIMES (Some of which are actual felonies) as "Just a crush" is disgusting. But, I am happy his grandparents and teachers were awesome, and stood up for him. Props 👏
Uncle Schmickle 7 months ago
This Meg character has psychological problems. This type of behaviour could also escalate to claims of sexual abuse, r**e, etc. which is what some of these females do if they don't get their way. I'm shocked that the parents blissfully ignore the potentially disastrous outcome.
Lori Gibbs 7 months ago
Sexual harassment and stalking, I'm surprised she wasn't arrested! His parents as well for child endangerment and/or pimping.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
wtf is this little s k a n k on ffs , she’s so gonna end up being r a p e d one day acting like this she is gonna pick on the wrong person !! N as a few others have said ,turn the tables a lad harassing a girl like this it’s is 100% sexual a b u s e she’s doing and roles reversed the lad would be hauled up in court n put in a s*x offenders reg no doubt about it , so why the f*****k do your parents think cos she’s a girl its ok 🤬it’s NOT OKAY ,far from !! If anyone did this to my kids 24f -21m this yr , I’d be going nuke n then some on the person doing it !! I’m so glad you have your grandparents on your side , this girl is bloody dangerous !! n I bet if you where left alone with her she would try something more , then cry r a p e when you rejected her 100% she would ! I hope she’s got a mental defect that’s causing this as that if her bloody parents bother to take her to get checked out , as this could cause serious issues in her life moving forward big time bad !
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