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Invalidating a child’s feelings is one of the worst things any parent can do. These actions are not only hurtful as they happen, but the pain from such psychological abuse may linger for a long time.
This was the experience of a teenage boy who dealt with the untoward advances of his sister’s best friend. Instead of helping him ward her off, his parents downplayed the situation as a “harmless crush.”
The situation forced him to move out and run off to his grandparents, but his actions only caused more tension within the family.
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A teenage boy had been dealing with untoward advances from his sister’s best friend
Image credits: New Africa / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite how she made him uncomfortable, his parents dismissed it as a “harmless crush”
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
The situation got so out of hand that he was forced to leave home and move in with his grandparents
Image credits: vgstockstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, his actions only caused more division within their family
Image credits: FabulousHand3789
The effects of parental gaslighting can carry over into adulthood
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
At 17, the boy had already experienced repeated gaslighting from his parents. According to author and counsellor Dominic Decker, it can happen in various forms, including blame shifting, dismissal of emotions, invalidation, and trivializing, all of which the parents did.
Parental gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that may linger for a long time. In this case, the story’s author may experience it through his adult years.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Daniel S. Lobel explains in an article for Psychology Today, the abused child may find it difficult to trust themselves, their memories, and their perception of reality.
According to Dr. Lobel, these individuals tend to grow up with insecurities about their abilities.
“They suffer considerable anxiety and often underachieve, as they underestimate their abilities and lack confidence,” he wrote, adding that the person may struggle with decision-making or taking on leadership roles.
Dr. Lobel says parents suffering from mental disorders like borderline and narcissistic personalities are more likely to gaslight their children because they “loathe to take responsibility for errors or unwanted consequences.”
Self-compassion can help curb the effects of parental gaslighting
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
A person carrying trauma from parental gaslighting may feel dejected and hopeless and think, “the damage has been done.” However, experts encourage practicing self-compassion and acceptance.
Dr. Lobel says the first step is understanding that gaslighting could have been the parents’ coping mechanism, emphasizing that “you are not actually incompetent.” Step two is about taking risks and trusting your abilities rather than seeking validation from others.
“Though painful, this process can change your life by giving you a level of peace of mind that you never dreamed you could attain,” Dr. Lobel stated.
Decker adds that establishing emotional distance is also essential when dealing with toxic behavior from a parent. He emphasizes the importance of refusing to be consumed by the negativity and instead acknowledging its impact and your desire to overturn it.
The author did the right thing by running off to his grandparents, who are influential enough to deal with his mother and father. At his age, he had enough self-awareness to see how unhealthy his home environment was.
Most commenters sided with the author, with a few pointing out how the situation would be different if the roles were reversed
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What do you think ?
UpupaEpops 8 months ago
This is when gender reverse comes in so handy. Unfortunately, and I'm saying this as a woman, women can get away with s**t a man can't. So ask them what they think would happen is you were the one pursuing Meg the same way she does.
Clown fish 8 months ago (edited)
Yep even if it was a 15 yr old boy going after a 17 yr old girl people would be up in arms. My other half had a similar problem with his sister's friend. She was 15 he was 20 and she climbed in his bed naked one night. He kicked her and she landed really hard on the floor. She tried to say he kicked her for no reason. Lucky his mum knew what the girl had been doing ie flirting and trying to get attention but after that incident she was banned from their home. (Just as an edit he kicked her out of the bed in shock he didn't just kick her)
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Get a restraining order. You have enough evidence of harassment. Also report the theft. Your parents are enabling c***s and quietly homophobic.
Joe Reaves 8 months ago
They're not doing Meg any favours either. Firstly, by allowing this they're not providing her with any incentive to move on and find someone who might like her back and secondly, if she continues this behaviour with other targets in the future she'll get fired or arrested or just plain pepper sprayed.
Susie Elle 8 months ago
Meg's a stalker and a predator and the parents are low-key using it as some sort of conversion therapy
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
One also has to wonder if Meg actually has a crush on OP, or whether Meg considers him to be a challenge, and is only trying to convert him. There are those who think doing something like that is a feather in their cap, like some kind of f****d up “I’m so desirable even gay guys can’t resist me” kind of thinking. Hey, way too many men think like that when they meet a lesbian, like their powers of attraction are so strong even someone not at all interested in their entire gender would instantly convert. F****d up thinking all around, and OP’s parents are actively supporting it by minimizing and dismissing OP’s feelings about being sexually harassed. Thank goodness for the grandparents. I hope OP gets the whole bunch, Meg, Lana, and his parents, TF out of his life, and goes on to have a deliriously happy and fulfilling future, and keeps his grandparents as close by him as possible. I know he’ll take as good care of them in their old age as they did when they saved him from his s****y home life in his parents’ house.
Load More Replies... Panda Kicki 8 months ago
Isnt she old enough to be reported to the police for repeated harassements?
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago (edited)
I agree. Although being a minor, as the adults in charge are clearly not providing adequate supervision, maybe CPS ought to be involved (i.e. her parents are allowing her to be supervised by people who encourage inappropriate sexual behaviour).
Load More Replies...
The Doom Song 8 months ago
And if it were the other way round and Meg was a guy and the poor brother was a girl who was gay I wonder what the parents would have said....
Zoe Vokes 8 months ago
They might still encourage that behaviour if part of the issue is that OP’s parents don’t want their children being gay and hope that somebody from the opposite gender being interested in them might “fix them.”
Load More Replies...
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 8 months ago
What she's doing is illegal and i hope she realised what she's doing is f****d up
Lisa T 8 months ago
Imagine a guy acting like this, even if the guy was 15 and the girl was 17. I bet they wouldn’t call HIM a kid. I feel like Meg has some kind of mental illness, not that that excuses her behaviour. Get a restraining order out on her, then she has no choice but to stay away.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
It wouldn’t no , but at least they could treat that , right , just being as she is cos she is is only treatable by locking her up tbh men ain’t safe around her at all , I mean omg what if she turned attentions to a much older bloke , he would be the one getting in the s**t 🤦♀️
Load More Replies...
UpupaEpops 8 months ago
This is when gender reverse comes in so handy. Unfortunately, and I'm saying this as a woman, women can get away with s**t a man can't. So ask them what they think would happen is you were the one pursuing Meg the same way she does.
Clown fish 8 months ago (edited)
Yep even if it was a 15 yr old boy going after a 17 yr old girl people would be up in arms. My other half had a similar problem with his sister's friend. She was 15 he was 20 and she climbed in his bed naked one night. He kicked her and she landed really hard on the floor. She tried to say he kicked her for no reason. Lucky his mum knew what the girl had been doing ie flirting and trying to get attention but after that incident she was banned from their home. (Just as an edit he kicked her out of the bed in shock he didn't just kick her)
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Get a restraining order. You have enough evidence of harassment. Also report the theft. Your parents are enabling c***s and quietly homophobic.
Joe Reaves 8 months ago
They're not doing Meg any favours either. Firstly, by allowing this they're not providing her with any incentive to move on and find someone who might like her back and secondly, if she continues this behaviour with other targets in the future she'll get fired or arrested or just plain pepper sprayed.
Susie Elle 8 months ago
Meg's a stalker and a predator and the parents are low-key using it as some sort of conversion therapy
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
One also has to wonder if Meg actually has a crush on OP, or whether Meg considers him to be a challenge, and is only trying to convert him. There are those who think doing something like that is a feather in their cap, like some kind of f****d up “I’m so desirable even gay guys can’t resist me” kind of thinking. Hey, way too many men think like that when they meet a lesbian, like their powers of attraction are so strong even someone not at all interested in their entire gender would instantly convert. F****d up thinking all around, and OP’s parents are actively supporting it by minimizing and dismissing OP’s feelings about being sexually harassed. Thank goodness for the grandparents. I hope OP gets the whole bunch, Meg, Lana, and his parents, TF out of his life, and goes on to have a deliriously happy and fulfilling future, and keeps his grandparents as close by him as possible. I know he’ll take as good care of them in their old age as they did when they saved him from his s****y home life in his parents’ house.
Load More Replies... Panda Kicki 8 months ago
Isnt she old enough to be reported to the police for repeated harassements?
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 8 months ago (edited)
I agree. Although being a minor, as the adults in charge are clearly not providing adequate supervision, maybe CPS ought to be involved (i.e. her parents are allowing her to be supervised by people who encourage inappropriate sexual behaviour).
Load More Replies... The Doom Song 8 months ago
And if it were the other way round and Meg was a guy and the poor brother was a girl who was gay I wonder what the parents would have said....
Zoe Vokes 8 months ago
They might still encourage that behaviour if part of the issue is that OP’s parents don’t want their children being gay and hope that somebody from the opposite gender being interested in them might “fix them.”
Load More Replies... Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 8 months ago
What she's doing is illegal and i hope she realised what she's doing is f****d up
Lisa T 8 months ago
Imagine a guy acting like this, even if the guy was 15 and the girl was 17. I bet they wouldn’t call HIM a kid. I feel like Meg has some kind of mental illness, not that that excuses her behaviour. Get a restraining order out on her, then she has no choice but to stay away.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago
It wouldn’t no , but at least they could treat that , right , just being as she is cos she is is only treatable by locking her up tbh men ain’t safe around her at all , I mean omg what if she turned attentions to a much older bloke , he would be the one getting in the s**t 🤦♀️
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