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Divorce can get very messy, especially when there are kids involved. They often feel like they’re torn between “choosing” between mom and dad – and some parents don’t make it any easier.
A teen has poured her heart out to strangers on the net, years after her parents split. She says she drifted away from her mom at some point after her divorce and chose to live primarily with her father – a move that angered her mother. Now that the tables have turned and her dad is remarried, the 19-year-old is regretting her decision. Even more so since she found out the real reason her parents called it quits and her mom went into a temporary downward spiral.
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Divorce can have a negative impact on kids no matter how old they are
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
A teen’s choice to live with her father has now come back to bite her, and she’s regretting her decision
Image credits: vozdvizhenskayadina / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Prostock-studio / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: valeriygoncharukphoto / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: tame_armadilla5607
People had lots to say about the situation and many felt therapy was needed
Divorce can be tough on kids but not all children react the same way
When a family is torn apart by divorce, it can be messy for everyone.
The parents are navigating new ways of relating (or not relating) to each other, while at the same time figuring out how best parent their children separately. When it comes to the kids, some handle the split in a calm and understanding way, while others struggle, and may continue to do so for years to come. The effects can be seen in many areas of their life.
“Trying to understand the changing dynamics of the family may leave them distracted and confused,” explain the therapists at Family Means. “This interruption in their daily focus can mean one of the effects of divorce on children would be seen in their academic performance. The more distracted children are, the more likely they are to not be able to focus on their school work.”
The divorce can also have a negative impact on the children’s social life or friendships. They might have a difficult time relating to others, become withdrawn and/or have less social contacts.
“Divorce can bring several types of emotions to the forefront for a family, and the children involved are no different. Feelings of loss, anger, confusion, anxiety, and many others, all may come from this transition,” adds the site. “Divorce can leave children feeling overwhelmed and emotionally sensitive.”
The experts say that it’s important the children have an outlet for their emotions – someone to talk to, someone who will listen, etc. as this will help them process what they’re feeling.
Another effect, which can be both negative and positive, is that children have to learn to adapt to change when divorce happens. But sometimes, there can be too many changes at once, or too frequently. New family dynamics, a new house or living situation, a different school, friends, and more, can be overwhelming.
Then, of course, there’s guilt…
“Children often wonder why a divorce is happening in their family. They will look for reasons, wondering if their parents no longer love each other, or if they have done something wrong,” notes the Family Means site. “These feelings of guilt are a very common effect of divorce on children, but also one which can lead to many other issues.”
It explains that guilt increases pressure, can lead to depression, stress, and other health problems. “Providing context and counseling for a child to understand their role in a divorce can help reduce these feelings of guilt.”
Some called out the teen and told her to grow up
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 17 hours ago
Mom is a horrible manipulative person. She only loves her kids in a tit for tat way, and definitely punishes people for not doing what she wants. Not much of a read on Dad but he doesn't sound amazing. OP needs to put some distance between her and her family, find some solid people and hopefully witness and have healthy relationships. Sometimes it's hard to see how bad homelife is until you see a functional group of people.
TACO Don's Authentic TexMex 16 hours ago
What a sad situation. Makes me incredibly grateful for my parents and the life they gave me
Bookworm 11 hours ago
Expecting the kids to change houses every 2-3 days is absolutely bananapants crazy. If they wanted to split up custody that way then the parents needed to be the ones changing houses, not the kids. The fact that they viewed that as reasonable and their current behavior tells me OP got some pretty s****y parents.
Kathy Brooke 6 hours ago
I have a family member doing this and the clothes/uniform being in the wrong place is very real, especially since Mum has insisted from the beginning that the kids pack their own bags (little one was five at the time!) The kids are much happier at Dad's as Mum is emotionally a*****e (manipulative) and her new man (whom she left for) is a bully in that mean, teasing way. But the split is 50/50 so regular swaps is the only way to avoid the kids being in an a*****e situation for too long. And yes, we tried social services etc but they're overwhelmed so only care if there's physical injuries.
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Robyn Hill 16 hours ago
Mom s***s. But so does the sister. In fact, I'm willing to bet that the sister took advantage of the situation to 'poison' Mom against the OP. Either way, Mom clearly has decided to be a five-year old about everything. She's got her replacement family. This poor kid has nothing.
FreeTheUnicorn 17 hours ago
Mom is a horrible manipulative person. She only loves her kids in a tit for tat way, and definitely punishes people for not doing what she wants. Not much of a read on Dad but he doesn't sound amazing. OP needs to put some distance between her and her family, find some solid people and hopefully witness and have healthy relationships. Sometimes it's hard to see how bad homelife is until you see a functional group of people.
TACO Don's Authentic TexMex 16 hours ago
What a sad situation. Makes me incredibly grateful for my parents and the life they gave me
Bookworm 11 hours ago
Expecting the kids to change houses every 2-3 days is absolutely bananapants crazy. If they wanted to split up custody that way then the parents needed to be the ones changing houses, not the kids. The fact that they viewed that as reasonable and their current behavior tells me OP got some pretty s****y parents.
Kathy Brooke 6 hours ago
I have a family member doing this and the clothes/uniform being in the wrong place is very real, especially since Mum has insisted from the beginning that the kids pack their own bags (little one was five at the time!) The kids are much happier at Dad's as Mum is emotionally a*****e (manipulative) and her new man (whom she left for) is a bully in that mean, teasing way. But the split is 50/50 so regular swaps is the only way to avoid the kids being in an a*****e situation for too long. And yes, we tried social services etc but they're overwhelmed so only care if there's physical injuries.
Load More Replies... Robyn Hill 16 hours ago
Mom s***s. But so does the sister. In fact, I'm willing to bet that the sister took advantage of the situation to 'poison' Mom against the OP. Either way, Mom clearly has decided to be a five-year old about everything. She's got her replacement family. This poor kid has nothing.
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