Mom Wants Daughter Out After She Turns 18, Dad Uncovers The Selfish Reason Behind It: “I Couldn’t Believe It”
Turning 18 is a significant milestone and the beginning of a new era. Now, you’re no longer a kid. Many young adults move out of their parents’ place to start building their own lives. However, that’s not a definitive rule you need to follow. Recent trends show the opposite is happening, too. One survey showed that nearly half of young adults in the US are still living with their parents.
That being said, not all parents want their grown-up kids around. Like the mother in this story, who told her daughter that she expects her to move out the moment she turns 18. However, the dad was blindsided by this decision and found himself stuck between his cold-hearted wife and panicking daughter. Read on to find out how the family drama unfolded.
It can be hard to decide what the best way for your teenager to transition into adulthood is
Image credits: Nicole Michalou / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, parents should make these decisions together – something that this mom decided not to do
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: itsssathroway
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
No rule says that teenagers should leave the family home at 18
Whether a child moves out at 18 or a few years later, it’s a big adjustment both for the parents and the child. The debate about whether or not children should leave the home nest when they’re legally of age really has two sides.
Some parents believe that kicking your 18-year-old out of the home is kind of an outdated concept. As of 2023, a third of young adults in the U.S. are still living with their parents. And more than half see only positives in this.
64% said that it considerably helps their financial situation. In fact, in 2021, there was a conspiracy floating around on Twitter (X) that children moving out of their parent’s house as soon as possible was all a scheme by the banks to make more people pay rent. 55% of the respondents claimed that it also helps them maintain a better relationship with their parents.
However, asking a kid to leave the family home is not something parents should spring on their children. There are things teenagers should know so they can successfully transition into adulthood. These include basic financial skills, knowing how to make a basic meal, cleaning, home management, and personal healthcare.
Perhaps even more important is the emotional and mental preparation. And that’s not just about preparing them for the move by discussing it ahead of time. Teenagers who move out should have basic problem-solving skills so they can deal with minor life challenges without help from their parents.
Experts also note that it’s important to teach teenagers to set goals. Sitting down together and going over long-term and short-term plans will make the parents feel less stressed and the teenager more grounded.
Image credits: Julia M Cameron / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Parents need to make parenting decisions together
Another major problem in this story is the lack of communication between parents. The mom and the dad should discuss decisions like this together. After all, they are both equally parents to the daughter.
However, it’s easier said than done because parenting differences can be difficult for couples to overcome. Jaclyn Gulotta, PhD, LMHC, claims that parents disagreeing on parenting can lead to more conflict, emotional and physical disconnect, lack of trust, and changes in behavior.
So, parents must try to overcome their differences in order to be a united front. Talking things out and listening to each other is crucial in these circumstances. Dr. Gullota recommends parents determine the rules for their kids together. That will not only solve the problems but show the children how emotionally mature adults handle a difference of opinion.
But disagreements and more heated conversations should never take place in front of the kids, even if they’re teenagers. “If parents argue in front of their children, this can also cause miscommunication, and the children may feel there is a lack of stability or feel insecure in the home,” Dr. Gulotta explained.
When parents disagree on a parenting decision, it can cause children stress and anxiety. In some cases, kids can even start taking advantage of the conflict and start favoring one parent over the other. “Think of parents as the ‘captain of the ship,'” Julia M. Chamberlain MS, INHC, LMHC, explained. “If there were two captains of a ship and the crew witnessed them not in agreement about the course of action, it can cause anxiety for the crew.”
The dad gave more context in the comments about what the daughter’s plans for the future were
People decided unanimously that the dad wasn’t the unreasonable one
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I'm GenX, and expecting your kid to move out at 18 was pretty common for us. Not saying it was right, but a lot of us practically raised ourselves anyway, but I digress. The world today (at least in my country, the US) is in no way structured for an 18 year old to move out and be independent. My son is 21 and still lives with us. Finding a job that will give you full time hours is basically a unicorn, nevermind the fact that the wages from said job won't even come close to paying for rent for even a tiny, one bedroom apartment. These younger generations are facing an economic situation that feels utterly hopeless, and they need their parents. Being a parent doesn't mean your responsibilities magically end when your kid turns 18, especially not these days.
UK Gen X here, as much as we wanted to move out young, it was not always possible, plus it is a different mindset in the UK, there was not the "you're 18, get out" mentality that the US seems to have. I couldn't afford to move out until my mid 20s. Like the US, it's so much harder for young adults to get going these days.
Load More Replies...Wow. "That child? She needs to go! I want a whole room for my artsy-fartsy stuff" - I wouldn't want to remain married to someone who thinks like that. And springing it on the poor girl behind Dad's back - what did the old witch think would happen? Kick the wife out, apparently it's soooo easy to just get a job and live on one's own, she'll manage.
Kick her out at 18? Where I live, most kids are still in school or just starting Uni. Also, housing is a nightmare. Also, parents are still partially responsible for their kids: this ends at 21, not 18. The idea that a child can lead an independent life at 18 is ludicrous. The wife is absolutely, categorically unreasonable and I don't get why OP isn't more outraged with her than he is.
In the US and Canada legal responsibility for a child ends at 18 or when they are an adult. It's less common to live with parents while at uni because geography makes that impossible unless you're in a city, and lost public universities aren't in the main cities anyway. It's also much more common to say 18 and you're out. I didn't have any friends who stayed at home full time after high school.
Load More Replies...The real reason is not the art space. She would have run the numbers and seen it's cheaper to resent studio space than pay half rent. She wants the kid out, I'm guessing because she's tired of being a parent.
I don't get this 'move out at 18' thing. In the UK and Europe, they're still at school at 18, and although you can get a part time job, no one could afford rent on minimal hours/minimum wage. OK, some will go to Uni at 18 (or after a gap year) but even those that don't have apprenticeships (so low wage until completed) or minimum wage jobs. They're pains in the b**t at that age, but they're YOUR pains in the b**t. (I'm a boomer, and did leave home at 18 due to my father remarrying a few weeks after my mother's death, and it was hard.)
We moved my son out at 20, but he had a job and a condo. Running a kid still I'm high school out without warning is cruelty.
I moved out when I finished high school and I never lived under my parent’s roof again. But here’s the thing, I could have moved back in, at any time, for any reason. I would have been welcomed with open arms. My brother did in fact move in with our father in his late 20’s in order to go back to college. Knowing that I always had a place to go was a source of quiet security. What kind of parent would want to rob their child of a sense of security?
The fact that the wifed decided all of this unilaterally is a problem. I would of told her off too. Something else is going on there....That said, wanted to ease your kids into adulthood starting at 18 isn't terrible, basically that is what college is for. Not going to college? Cool, I'll use the money I would of used to help with that, to help you transition...first, you take over the car insurance...Then, I'll match your retirement savings...then, you chip in for food...to eventually, when they decide they are ready, I'll pay your first and last months rent. Here's some money for an emergency fund. Let's go buy you the things you need to get started, and don't be afraid to call and ask for help....see you at sunday dinner.
I was still trying to figure things out (mostly because of mental health issues) until I was around 30 and my parents let me move in and out as needed, as I was working but also going to college (off and on but still). I'll always be thankful they did so, and did so without even asking nor hinting about helping with the rent, food, etc. As long as I worked and went to school, they were mostly fine allowing me to try and figure things out or at last not make things harder for me. Granted, our rent was really low because the landlord loved us and we had been there so long so it wasnt a lot but helping also would not have been a lot.
My kids have reasonable jobs. They can't afford rent, food, transportation, let alone anything that might not be absolutely necessary. So they moved back in. We're always there for them. They're 39 and 40. God bless the USA.
Load More Replies...At 18, I went off to college knowing full well I could and did go home once a month for a weekend visit and on holidays. In the summers, I lived at home, saving every penny I could because I paid my tuition, books, and board - you could do this in the 70's, not now. After college, I and all my siblings launched into the professional work world knowing if we needed help, it was one call away. Our parents never made us feel as if we needed to be on our own before we were working "real" jobs. Fast forward to today, and our mother has passed but our father who is 99 has all of us taking turns staying with him to keep him company, make sure he is eating properly, gets to his appointments, and making sure he knows he is loved. Guess what mom in this story, your daughter will not be taking care of you. She knows you don't really care about her. Karma is a b***h.
I'm 30 my oldest is 6. I could never imagine throwing him or any of my kids out at 18. Have them figure out something to do or try absolutely, but that's your baby. I'm also okay with "charging rent" and then giving it back when they leave depending on the kid.
• Within 18 months of emancipation 40-50% of foster youth become homeless. • Nationally, 50% of the homeless population spent time in foster care.
This is a capitalism problem. Kick the kids out, make them pay a rent and buy things for their apartment and two different fridges to fill etc. Keep them struggling for years so they will be one another cog in the wheel. Many countries wouldn't dream of kicking out their children, you allow them to find their way in the world with your guidance under your roof while they save up their money for their futures.
I dont understand your point, the dad is literally the one saying he isn't going to have her forced out when she is 18. If she isn't kicked out, she will continue to live with him and the mother
Load More Replies...I'm GenX, and expecting your kid to move out at 18 was pretty common for us. Not saying it was right, but a lot of us practically raised ourselves anyway, but I digress. The world today (at least in my country, the US) is in no way structured for an 18 year old to move out and be independent. My son is 21 and still lives with us. Finding a job that will give you full time hours is basically a unicorn, nevermind the fact that the wages from said job won't even come close to paying for rent for even a tiny, one bedroom apartment. These younger generations are facing an economic situation that feels utterly hopeless, and they need their parents. Being a parent doesn't mean your responsibilities magically end when your kid turns 18, especially not these days.
UK Gen X here, as much as we wanted to move out young, it was not always possible, plus it is a different mindset in the UK, there was not the "you're 18, get out" mentality that the US seems to have. I couldn't afford to move out until my mid 20s. Like the US, it's so much harder for young adults to get going these days.
Load More Replies...Wow. "That child? She needs to go! I want a whole room for my artsy-fartsy stuff" - I wouldn't want to remain married to someone who thinks like that. And springing it on the poor girl behind Dad's back - what did the old witch think would happen? Kick the wife out, apparently it's soooo easy to just get a job and live on one's own, she'll manage.
Kick her out at 18? Where I live, most kids are still in school or just starting Uni. Also, housing is a nightmare. Also, parents are still partially responsible for their kids: this ends at 21, not 18. The idea that a child can lead an independent life at 18 is ludicrous. The wife is absolutely, categorically unreasonable and I don't get why OP isn't more outraged with her than he is.
In the US and Canada legal responsibility for a child ends at 18 or when they are an adult. It's less common to live with parents while at uni because geography makes that impossible unless you're in a city, and lost public universities aren't in the main cities anyway. It's also much more common to say 18 and you're out. I didn't have any friends who stayed at home full time after high school.
Load More Replies...The real reason is not the art space. She would have run the numbers and seen it's cheaper to resent studio space than pay half rent. She wants the kid out, I'm guessing because she's tired of being a parent.
I don't get this 'move out at 18' thing. In the UK and Europe, they're still at school at 18, and although you can get a part time job, no one could afford rent on minimal hours/minimum wage. OK, some will go to Uni at 18 (or after a gap year) but even those that don't have apprenticeships (so low wage until completed) or minimum wage jobs. They're pains in the b**t at that age, but they're YOUR pains in the b**t. (I'm a boomer, and did leave home at 18 due to my father remarrying a few weeks after my mother's death, and it was hard.)
We moved my son out at 20, but he had a job and a condo. Running a kid still I'm high school out without warning is cruelty.
I moved out when I finished high school and I never lived under my parent’s roof again. But here’s the thing, I could have moved back in, at any time, for any reason. I would have been welcomed with open arms. My brother did in fact move in with our father in his late 20’s in order to go back to college. Knowing that I always had a place to go was a source of quiet security. What kind of parent would want to rob their child of a sense of security?
The fact that the wifed decided all of this unilaterally is a problem. I would of told her off too. Something else is going on there....That said, wanted to ease your kids into adulthood starting at 18 isn't terrible, basically that is what college is for. Not going to college? Cool, I'll use the money I would of used to help with that, to help you transition...first, you take over the car insurance...Then, I'll match your retirement savings...then, you chip in for food...to eventually, when they decide they are ready, I'll pay your first and last months rent. Here's some money for an emergency fund. Let's go buy you the things you need to get started, and don't be afraid to call and ask for help....see you at sunday dinner.
I was still trying to figure things out (mostly because of mental health issues) until I was around 30 and my parents let me move in and out as needed, as I was working but also going to college (off and on but still). I'll always be thankful they did so, and did so without even asking nor hinting about helping with the rent, food, etc. As long as I worked and went to school, they were mostly fine allowing me to try and figure things out or at last not make things harder for me. Granted, our rent was really low because the landlord loved us and we had been there so long so it wasnt a lot but helping also would not have been a lot.
My kids have reasonable jobs. They can't afford rent, food, transportation, let alone anything that might not be absolutely necessary. So they moved back in. We're always there for them. They're 39 and 40. God bless the USA.
Load More Replies...At 18, I went off to college knowing full well I could and did go home once a month for a weekend visit and on holidays. In the summers, I lived at home, saving every penny I could because I paid my tuition, books, and board - you could do this in the 70's, not now. After college, I and all my siblings launched into the professional work world knowing if we needed help, it was one call away. Our parents never made us feel as if we needed to be on our own before we were working "real" jobs. Fast forward to today, and our mother has passed but our father who is 99 has all of us taking turns staying with him to keep him company, make sure he is eating properly, gets to his appointments, and making sure he knows he is loved. Guess what mom in this story, your daughter will not be taking care of you. She knows you don't really care about her. Karma is a b***h.
I'm 30 my oldest is 6. I could never imagine throwing him or any of my kids out at 18. Have them figure out something to do or try absolutely, but that's your baby. I'm also okay with "charging rent" and then giving it back when they leave depending on the kid.
• Within 18 months of emancipation 40-50% of foster youth become homeless. • Nationally, 50% of the homeless population spent time in foster care.
This is a capitalism problem. Kick the kids out, make them pay a rent and buy things for their apartment and two different fridges to fill etc. Keep them struggling for years so they will be one another cog in the wheel. Many countries wouldn't dream of kicking out their children, you allow them to find their way in the world with your guidance under your roof while they save up their money for their futures.
I dont understand your point, the dad is literally the one saying he isn't going to have her forced out when she is 18. If she isn't kicked out, she will continue to live with him and the mother
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