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Article created by: Greta Jaruševičiūtė
Going through a traumatic experience can scar a person for life. But some people tend to underestimate the terrible things others go through, especially if they haven’t experienced them themselves.
One netizen recently started a discussion on the topic, asking members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community about situations that are more traumatic than many people realize. A number of redditors shared their thoughts and covered all sorts of situations that none of us are, unfortunately, immune to. You can find their answers on the list below.
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#1
Being the target of a stalker. It's been 5 years since the last incident but I still feel fear every time I walk outside of my house.
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#2
Medical gaslighting. I spent 15 years waiting for someone to figure out my neurological issues and I can't count the number of specialists and regular doctors who tried to tell me "it's all in my head" (well, duh, it's a neuro issue), refused treatment or diagnoses, that I must just have anxiety, etc. As it turns out I needed a double neurosurgery - with both done at the same time. It was brutal and I very much had some severe problems.
Medical trauma and PTSD is very common in those with chronic illnesses.
#3
Being in a toxic workplace. I would be reprimanded for the littlest of things, given attitude for asking a simple question or confirmation, even set up to seem like I messed up something when in reality I found evidence that that wasn’t the case. Even showed them this and all I got was a shrug.
That was 4 years ago. To this day in any place I work at, if I’m ever called to the office for something I immediately get nervous. It’s gotten better but there’s still that tiny bit of worry that’ll grip me in a chokehold sometimes.
#4
Life after cancer. People expect you to just be able to bounce back to normal and “be happy” from hearing you are “cancer free.” in reality the fear of reoccurrence eats away at you forever.
#7
Reading the news and using social media (like Reddit) that heavily relies on sharing news and negative opinions, scenarios, photos etc. It's literally damaging our psyches, because we are not meant to be under constant bombardment of (mostly negative) information. My therapist told me that she is convinced that taking a few weeks, maybe even months off "being online" would vastly improve the mental health of most of her patients.
I listened to her and now I often take media breaks. Sometimes I just disappear for a weekend, sometimes for longer. The effect on my mental health is almost immediate and very noticeable.
#9
Your parents getting older. I was utterly unprepared the first time my mother became genuinely ill, or how fragile my father became during radiation treatment...the experience shakes your core and I strongly wish I'd prepared myself.
#10
Overprotective upbringings, many children live with deep rooted self limiting beliefs that impact their careers and lives.
#11
I think when it comes to bullying, even if the bullying itself "isn't that bad" what's awful is the constant dread it creates. It hardwires hypervigilance into the victim's brain, so they are feeling the effects and suffering long after it's gone.
Edit - I commented because I think it is hard for people who haven't gone through it to realize how damaging bullying is and I try to raise awareness where I can. The hypervigilance is hard for people to comprehend. I'm afraid I'm not doing a great job explaining it and I'm sorry about that.
Edit 2 - I can't reply to everyone so I am going to put some more information and resources here. I found out about CPTSD on reddit and found a lot of resources on that sub. This is kind of an a la carte menu of things to try if you are interested. I am an expert in nothing but my own experiences, so this should not be considered complete or appropriate for everyone.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy - "Feeling Good" Burns. CBT helped me with my self esteem and catastrophizing
EMDR therapy - you need a certified therapist for this. Helped reduce my triggers. I do use it to process things when I am in a bad spot still, but you are supposed to start with a therpist.
Pete Walker - CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving - I'm not exaggerating when I say this book saved my life. I adapted his emotional flashback management plan. Wrote it down on a dozen index cards. Practiced it when I didn't need it so I was able to use it better when I did. Kind of like a fire drill for my brain.
The one thing I disagree with Pete Walker on is handling the internal critic. Through Internal Family Systems I came to know all my parts, and I believe they formed to help me. I don't shout them down, like Pete recommends. If that works for someone, I am happy, whatever works. I got to know my parts and got them other jobs which they were happy to take. My self harm part became a self help part, suggesting things we could do for distraction when things get bad.
"Internal Family Systems Therapy" by Schwartz. I got the book from the library and basically started talking into the void. I have a whole community in my head who I talk to and address issues with. It's a little out there, but it works for me and it's the only thing that has ever helped with the hypervigilance. I have three guys in the control room and a whole team of forest ranger types out in the field. They are constantly checking and anticipating. My work with them mostly involves getting them to stand down and just do whatever they want, because most of the time I am in a safe environment now. They formed to protect me in childhood and never left their posts.
Whatever happened and wherever you are now, you deserve to feel okay. Just knowing that you are no longer powerless and can work on healing is a big step. I wish you all the best and hope everyone finds something to help them. Take care.
Edit - again - sorry - One more thing which was really the first thing. I'm not multitasking very successfully right now. I started with good old regular talk therapy and eventually group therapy. Having the therapist and the people in group (who really understood what I went through, and how it felt) tell me it was not okay and I didn't deserve it was cathartic and extremely helpful. It was an important step in the process.
Okay another edit - someone else recommended this book
It seems like our reading lists were very similar. Would also highly recommend "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" by Janina Fisher. Her work is relatively new, but she takes IFS and makes it more effective for those who have higher levels of trauma.
#12
Pregnancy, birthing and postpartum.
#13
When parents are just there. They give you shelter and food, they are functional and seem okay, but they just arent really inveted in their child. Its growing up in complete emotional isolation.
#14
Being an outcast (socially). I read somewhere that the brain registers it as physical pain but don’t quote me on that.
#15
Betrayal. You never realize how truly traumatizing that is until it happens to you. But it kills a part of you that you can’t get back.
Edit: I didn’t expect this to be the top comment. I’m so, so sorry to anyone that relates. You deserved better.
#17
Being laid off. After it happens once, you fear for the loss of your future jobs at all times.
#18
Parents that doubt/deny their child’s emotional experiences. It creates a narrative that you are a liar and cannot trust even your own reality.
#19
Accidentally opening the front camera. u see yourself from an angle no human should ever witness 😂.
#21
Realizing your blood relatives are nothing more than individuals with similar genes. They do not automatically comprise a family and they can be more cruel than strangers because they know how to hurt you.
#23
Heart break.
I think some people believe that it isn’t that big of a deal, and maybe in some cases it isn’t. But when you put your faith and trust into someone and they go cold and indifferent on you, when you’re trying to show up, that can destroy you.
#25
I think people don’t realize how powerful their words and actions are. Like you may think it’s fine to be rude and angry but that may stick with someone for a LONG time.
I remember being made fun of for dancing in 8th grade by a boy and a bunch of kids laughed at me and I still struggle with it.
#26
An infestation of any kind in your home.
We had a bird mite infestation a few years ago and it nearly ruined our lives and relationships - emotionally and financially. Horror.
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