Mother Defends Twins’ Individuality, Family Calls Her Selfish Over Matching Outfits

Identical twins in matching outfits have a certain charm—it’s a classic look we’ve seen in movies and photos alike. However, dressing twins identically isn’t always necessary or even ideal for everyone. They might look cute, but not every parent wants to take this approach.

For example, a mother of 1-year-old identical twins faced family backlash when she chose unique outfits for her daughters in family photos to foster their individuality. Her own mother got upset, insisting on matching outfits for the twins. Keep reading to see how it all unfolded.

More info: Reddit

It’s fascinating to see two people who look identical, especially when they’re dressed alike

Twins in pink dresses holding flowers and eggs, highlighting different outfits for individuality.

Image credits: katyatsiganok / Envato (not the actual photo)

One mother turned to the internet for advice after refusing to dress her 1-year-old twin daughters in matching outfits for her great-grandmother’s 80th birthday

Text questioning dressing twins identically; mother prefers mixing outfits for individuality.

Text expressing importance of individual identity for non-matching twins.

Text about family pictures for a great-grandmother's 80th birthday celebration and professional photographs.

Text about a formal dress code, describing twins' different outfits—sparkly purple dress and green dress with flowers.

Text discussing parenting choices for dressing twins differently, mentioning hairstyles with pigtails and a hairband.

Text image discussing refusal to dress twins similarly, highlighting different choice in clothing.

Text discussing the ridiculousness of dressing twins differently versus making them match.

Text discussing a conversation about dressing twins differently and matching dress code.

Woman with concerned expression talking on phone, sitting on a couch in a modern living room setting.

Image credits: Prostock-studio / Envato (not the actual photo)

Text message discussing a decision not to dress twins alike despite criticism, mentioning personal choice and individuality.

Text discussing refusal to dress twins matching despite family pressure.

Image credits: Admirable_Slide_8865

Identical twins can sometimes struggle to establish their own sense of individuality

Twins in matching blue shirts with arms around each other, highlighting different approaches to dressing twins.

Image credits: hwilson8 / Envato (not the actual photo)

Growing up as twins can be a lot of fun. You have someone who’s there for every experience, sharing in both the highs and lows. Whether it’s playing together, sharing toys, or going through school side-by-side, having a twin can make childhood feel a little less lonely and a lot more exciting.

But here’s the thing—being an identical twin can also make it challenging to carve out your own identity. When you look exactly like someone else, people sometimes struggle to see you as separate individuals. Even well-meaning friends and family members may blur the lines, unintentionally putting both of you in the same box.

For instance, people might say things like, “Wow, you’re so much more outgoing than your sister,” or “Your brother seems to be the creative one.” While these comments might seem harmless, they can pile up over time, making twins feel like they’re under pressure to fit specific roles.

Interests and hobbies are often generalized as well. If one twin excels at music, others might assume the other twin has the same talent. This can create an expectation for twins to share the same skills or passions, even though each might have their own unique likes and dislikes.

Elizabeth Gulman, who has a twin sister, describes this feeling in a post for ‘The Campanile’, “When people continually group my twin and me as one, it’s hard for us to become our own unique selves; the same goes for all twins. Everybody deserves to be treated as an individual, whether born as a twin or not.” Her words capture the frustration many twins feel about always being grouped together.

Elizabeth goes on to say, “When people see us apart, they often ask, “Where’s your twin?” They see us as individuals when we’re together, but they see us as incomplete when we’re apart.” This can feel strange for twins because, ironically, they often feel the most like themselves when they’re not side-by-side.

It’s essential for others to recognize and respect each twin as a unique person

A woman smiling warmly at another person in a casual kitchen setting.

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / Envato (not the actual photo)

Adolescence and adulthood can be especially tricky for twins, as these are years when people are figuring out who they are. Twins often define themselves in contrast to each other—one might like green because the other likes blue, or one might love romcom movies just because the other can’t stand them. These choices can shape their identity, making it difficult to know what they genuinely like versus what they choose simply to be different from their twin.

Another common frustration twins face is being referred to as “the twins” rather than by their individual names. Growing up, they might hear, “Hey, twins!” instead of their own names, which can make them feel like they’re seen as a single unit rather than two distinct people. This label, while affectionate, can make it hard for each twin to feel truly acknowledged.

At the end of the day, everyone deserves the chance to explore and express their individuality, twins included. Just because they share a close bond (and maybe even identical DNA), that doesn’t mean they’re the same person. Respecting their differences and encouraging each twin to find their own path is essential.

In this particular story, the mother went out of her way to support her twin daughter’s individuality. The mom understood how easy it is for twins to be grouped together or compared, and she made it a priority to encourage each daughter to develop her unique personality. What are your thoughts? Do you think she did the right thing?

People in the comments could see both sides and some were thanking the mom for standing up for her twins

Reddit discussion on a woman dressing her twins differently, autonomy in kids' clothing choices.

Comments discussing dressing twins differently and highlighting the importance of treating them as unique individuals.

Reddit comments discussing different opinions on dressing twins.

Text exchange discussing dressing twins differently and laundry struggles.

Comment exchange discussing opinions on dressing twins differently and family dynamics.

Text discussion about dressing twins differently, emphasizing coordination over matching.

Text exchange discussing dressing twins differently, suggesting solid colors for better photographs.

Comment supporting woman dressing twins differently, with 3.4k points.

Reddit comment discussing a woman dressing her twins differently and family dynamics.

Comment about twins and matching outfits, questioning separate dress codes.

Text comments discussing dressing twins differently and refusing to make them match.

Comment defends woman dressing twins differently, criticizing unreasonable expectations.

Text screenshot discussing a woman dressing her twins differently, asserting parental rights over matching outfits.

Text discusses advocating individuality in children, offering a compromise for dressing twins differently yet complementarily.

Reddit comment criticizing a mom stressing out and advising to tell a brother to return to her.

Comment supporting a woman's choice to dress twins differently.

Discussion about dressing twins differently, highlighting varying opinions and experiences on matching outfits.

Others agreed that this time it’s worth stepping back to avoid bigger conflict

Comment on dressing twins uniquely, discussing views on matching outfits.

Comment criticizing a woman for dressing her twins differently and refusing to match them.

Comment discussing the dressing of twins differently and individual preferences.

Comment discussing the decision to dress twins differently, mentioning identity concerns and humor.

Text from a comment discussing dressing twins differently and recognizing their individuality.

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