Mom Goes Viral For Calling Out Nurse Who ‘Body-Shamed’ 13-Year-Old Daughter, But Many People Disagree
Going to the doctor can be an uncomfortable experience, from the poking and prodding to the often awkward questioning, things have the potential to get unpleasant. Well recently, mom and personal trainer, Julie Venn shared her daughter’s experience at her annual check-up on the Facebook page “Moms of Tweens And Teens” and let’s just say things escalated quickly.
The appointment began normally enough, with routine questions asked to 13-year-old Riley about her bedtime, exercise, and diet, which Venn said the girl answered to honestly. She admitted that the previous school year had been difficult, but the nurse practitioner pressed on, “Tell me RILEY, HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN ALL OF THIS WEIGHT YOU’VE GAINED?”
Venn noticed her daughter’s eyes start to well up and wrote, “I had a literal, physical reaction. I put my hand up and said, ‘STOP! You need to stop talking to my daughter about her weight. She is 13, she is strong. She is healthy and she is PERFECT. You need to move on!’ However, the mom didn’t stop there and lectured the nurse after the appointment about body empowerment.
The responses to the post were varied. Some people found Venn and her message to be inspirational, while others said she had overreacted. Scroll down below to read her entire post and tell us your opinion!
Recently, mom, Julie Venn, shared her daughter’s experience at her annual checkup
And let’s just say things did not go as expected
Some people praised the mom for her message
While others defended the nurse
What do you think? Tell us in the comments!
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Share on Facebook#1 this story seems either grossly blown out of proportion, or made up entirely. Also, how dare a medical professional ask medically appropriate questions.
The nurse doesn't want to see a 13 year old with a heart condition. The weight gain could easily be related to severe depression (which makes sense given the kid had a crappy school year) and the nurse has probably had teens in her practice commit suicide because of bullying.
Load More Replies...If your kid gained a lot of weight or even a little bit of weight the nurse was right and telling her so. Stop being so sensitive and take a look at your daughter. Take a look at your daughter and her health.
It is ridiculous when it's easy to see that it's muscle mass not fat that she gained. Muscle mass weighs more. This girl is not fat.
Load More Replies...It seams to me that the fear of fat shaming is becoming an issue as much as fat shaming itself.
Meh, bored panda has an echo chamber built around the subject. Pretty sure most of the people on here would be fine bbqing fat people in the street.
Load More Replies...I think the question was completely normal. The kid/mom could have easily explained that she gained in height and also muscle due to sports - the nurse asked if it was junk food or a change in activity level. The nurse also asked if her period was regular. Irregular period + weight gain can point to thyroid problems for example. Unusually high weight gain can point to a whole host of problems. This was not the nurse calling the girl fat, she's looking after her health and making sure to catch possible issues on time.
How about depression? The kid said she had a lousy school year. Given the way her mother flies off the handle, she might have been afraid to tell her she's being bullied.
Load More Replies...The mom appears to care for her daughter's feelings more than for her health. This wasn't a stranger on the street calling her daughter fat, it was a medical professional asking health questions.
Unfortunately that what our society is turning into. Everyone has become so sensitive you can't say or do anything without offending anyone and in cases like this it is causing them to miss what is really important.
Load More Replies...The mom lost me at "She is perfect", otherwise the NP could have chosen her words better.
What is this whole fat shaming thing? Obesity is a serious medical condition it should never be considered the same as race, skin color, gender, or religious affiliation.
Is mom a professional, educated in healthcare? No! Is the NP educated in healthcare? Most certainly YES! So, mom better pay attention to the NP, as she's asking IMPORTANT questions, that could have serious consequences if answered incorrectly or avoided entirely, just for the sake of "not hurting someone's feelings".
Excuse me, but I have to disagree. Not everything a "professional" asks or does is perfect. I had an idiot (professional idiot, mind, doctor and all) saying at MY FACE that women younger than 55 years old doesn't have breast cancer and REFUSING to do a mammogram, even when my GP asked for it.
Load More Replies...As a nutrition graduate I can actually understand both sides of the argument here. If the picture at the top is of the girl in question, then she is of a perfectly healthy weight. Sudden growth spurts are very common at that age, and as puberty progresses women develop fat stores which prepares them for pregnancy at a later date. Bone density also increases with physical activity, as does muscle mass, which impacts weight. Sudden weight gain is not abnormal, particularly with gains in height. Health practitioners sometimes need to question weight; I've even had my own weight flagged when I gained suddenly. However, there is a sensitive way of asking appropriately, and with girls in particular (who are very susceptible and impressionable at that age) care should be taken to emphasise the fact that growth spurts are normal, and that puberty isn't about linear weight gain. That nurse could have handled it WAY better.
I don't know why your comment got reported and hidden. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Load More Replies...Agree, it's a doctors job to check your weight, height, etc. Thats not body shaming that's doing their job. People are becoming more and more obsessed with "body shaming " so much so that they are making more of a spectacle out of it than it needs to be. They are looking for anything to be able to say "see, see, I told you"
Assuming the girl in the pic is the one this is all about; if the doctor couldn't look past the chart to see that the girl looks healthy & is muscular, then that doctor is dumb. Yes dumb doctors exist. After going into the healthcare profession I can assure you that some doctors are completely out of touch with other humans, & tend to only look at numbers & not the humans in front of them. Not to mention there are other reasons for a teen girl to gain weight than from eating junk.
Load More Replies...guys, why everyone seems to be so in favor of nurse at this particular time? i mean, yes, she was doing her job, but how about an alternative and less harmful way to do it? also, it doesn't even seem to be a question of the girl becoming obese, just gaining some weight, right? i was 11 years old when my cardiologist told me in a pretty rude way to stop eating pastries, as i was supposed to be a lot thinner, because my mom was so thin (i was not even close to being overweight, a little chubby, though). i developed severe anorexia months later, and, of course, that was not the only factor, but sure one of them, so why would people think this kind of attitude and behavior of nurse is fine, i would probably do exactly the same as that mother did..
. At that age they dont care if their mom thinks they are perfect - it's all about peer pressure
Load More Replies...It can happen. I've had some unbelievable doctors over the years.
Load More Replies...In the teen girls defense if she just got her period it could be hormonal....I mean I'm not even medically educated and know this.
I actually don't mind health workers questioning their patient's weight. That said, two things pop out regarding this nurse: 1. Her wording is incredibly rude, IF that is how she phrased her question. 2. If this girl is 13 years old, she's hitting puberty. Of f*****g course she'll gain weight. The nurse sounds not just rude, but incompetent as well.
There was a better way for the NP to address her concerns. However, we are not "perfect" the way we are. We are a constant work in progress. You shouldn't necessarily feel bad about who you are today, but consider what you want to be tomorrow. If it's not 10 pounds heavier, then address it.
Body shaming, blah blah blah, someone freaking out on the Internet, blah blah blah, someone making their private business everyone else's business, blah blah blah. And now this girl is going to be taunted as a fatty and for having a crazy mother at school, because that's the way kids are.
I mean if my kids suddenly gaining weight or losing weight rapidly i would like to know why.. Of course if they gaining or losing weight rspidly but everything is normal than Its fine. Its not fat shaming or body shaming. Its something doctors need to know to find out is there something wrong with the body..
Of course the way NP asking the question can be softer since they were dealing with 13 year old..
Load More Replies...I personally think that both the nurse and mom were overreacting just a little. I can see how mom would want to defend her daughter. But she could have explained it without doing what she did.
It's called a growth spurt and added muscle mass. Calm TF down crazy lady.
When I was in 9th grade, the doctor said I was worryingly underweight, so much so that they wanted to run some tests to make sure I didnt have some disease. My mom agreed because if I had a disease, she'd want to know about it as soon as possible so we could work on treatment. Turns out I was just an active kid with high metabolism. I can't imagine if my mom had freaked out on the doctor and told them to shove it because I'm "perfect the way I am" if I had actually had a disease... On top of her overreaction, it seems like this mom is desparately trying to live vicariously through her daughter.
I created training for doctors to deal with pediatric obesity. I've never seen so many doctors absolutely terrified of a subject. They feel like they have to bring it up, as it is a real health concern, but that the patient and parents usually respond very poorly and that there is little they can do. I think it's odd that the mom who wrote this didn't give any more details. Did her daughter simply grow taller and the weight was in line with that? If so, then we'd all agree that there is no issue. Did her daughter remain about the same height as a year ago but add 70 pounds? Cause then there might be a much bigger issue. It could be physical, it could be signs of mental health issues, could be a sign of abuse. Most likely is it was somewhere in between. Also, does that photo go with the story or did the bored panda editor just grab it and throw it in here? Cause it's very misleading to begin this story with that photo if that isn't the girl in the story.
True. If the child was playing a sport, she would have gained muscle mass. Muscle weighs more than fat, and would explain weight gain. Granted, the NP should have been more tactful, as weight can be a sensitive subject.
Load More Replies...It depends a lot of HOW NP asked the child this question about weight. We can't know that since we were not there. If the tone was judgemental and question was in tone more like "how the hell did you gain SO MUCH weight" then yes, it was not appropriate. But if it was more like calm question from professional "how did you gain this much weight, can you explain me?" without a trace of judgement or rudeness (you can tell those apart) then it's fine. It's all about context.
Last time I checked, weight was not a good measure of body condition. If BMI AND waist circumfence are within healthy limits, the person might as well have a ton of muscle which weights far more than fat of the same volume... %BodyFat along with visceral fat amount is a way better measure of one's condition.
yes mum overreacted but what's actually wrong with daughters weight, looks fine in photo
A physical is done yearly, honestly the question was unnecessary. At that age, the girl went from twelve to thirteen and grew muscle mass and taller and likely a bit wider. Of course she gained a little weight. The question in itself was not necessary because any nurse practitioner or doctor would see that and correlate everything together. If her weight didn't match up to her new height, then a question could be asked but most definitely worded better. Teenagers are highly susceptible to the world around them. However, if the girl in the picture is her, the question isn't even necessary and shouldn't Have been asked. It can give the girl self eaten issues and lead to problems. If the question was necessary for paperwork, ask only the mother or state a concern to the mother not in front of the girl.
I'm kinda half-and-half on this one. It's exactly appropriate for a doctor to ask questions about weight, but she coulda worded it better.
Any of you questioning the mother... Have you seen her daughter picture? Does she look fat? Or tall and muscular instead?
Maybe the nurse was prompted to ask this, because the kid's weight gain was unusually high for her height/age and possibly a short time-span. This doesn't necessarily mean she looks fat, but something like this may point to an undiagnosed medical issue.
Load More Replies...Nowhere in this ridiculous rant does the mom say anything about the actual height/weight of her "PERFECT" daughter. If the NP sees a red flag, that is not fat-shaming. This mom is perfect example of what is WRONG with society today.
The Nurse shouldnt have shamed the daughter. she should have spoken with the mum in private
Load More Replies...This is an absolute train wreck and that woman overreacted. I mean, how dare my DOCTOR ask me questions about my WEIGHT which correlates to my HEALTH? Now asking a health related question is body shaming? The doctor is not there to talk to your kid about body positivity if all they’re trying to do is continue with the exam and ask the necessary questions. This woman is more worried about her daughter’s feelings than her health
I have more of an issue with the NP glossing over the problems with school. The girl said school was hard & there was a lot of drama. NP didn't ask how she handled that stress or how she plans to address the same issues if they come up again this school year. How this girl handles stress could have a big impact on her health. The NP could have given her valuable information and tools to use to help the girl deal with stress and "drama". Tools she would need as she goes through life. The NP obviously thought the weight increase needing addressing but she could have broached the subject better. I think the NP also missed one potential cause of the weight gain- increased cortisol levels due to stress. Which can lead to other heath problems.
Doctors have all but stopped asking patients about their weight just because of idiots like this mother. I've spoken to a couple who said that the excuses are insane and so is the way people have quit caring about their health. One retired GP said that in the past, he would frequently warn people about their blood pressure and tell them they needed to lose the weight - but at the end of his practice he stopped bothering. All the patients wanted was the drugs so they could keep eating. ...///.... Thankfully both of our doctors are sensible sorts. My husband's physician told him flat out that he needed to lose 35 pounds - and he did it. So did I. We both feel MUCH better and we're both grateful for sensible physicians.
I think there are subtle ways of asking and blunt ways of asking, maybe the doctor should just have a bit more tact when dealing with patients. I guess it depends on exactly HOW she said those words, because with a sympathetic tone she probably would've got a level headed reply.
Don't know why you were downvoted. It makes sense and I completely agree with it.
Load More Replies...I hate that kind of questioning because it's insinuating that the daughter did something wrong when she possibly didn't. However the mother projected big time. If she was smart about it I'd be pointing out that daughter grew a foot in height and does lots of exercise, so not only did she gain weight in height, but she may also have gained in muscle. Having a jump in height can also increase your appetite for a while. The doctor should have considered many of these factors before asking that question. Still I feel like the mother decided to project all these body shaming standards onto her, while this doctor gets no opportunity to explain herself. Maybe the mother stormed out or she omitted that part out because she could have been talking to much sense.
1. Girl isn’t fat. She either gained muscle or just some fat because she is growing. 2. The nurse can tell her that being overweight is dangerous, but she isn’t overweight. Asking the kid if she’s been eating junk food is inappropriate that way. You can ask without sounding like you are accusing her of a crime. Example: “how has your diet been lately? Do you eat vegetables? How often do you have snacks and dessert?”
Hmmm...why would a 13 year old gain weight? "They're called boobs, Ed". Honestly, we don't know how the doctor actually approached this, so maybe they were inappropriate, but as someone who found out in my late 30s that I have both PCOS and hyprothyroidism, both of which have contributed to my being heavy most of my adult life, I wish a doctor had been forthright enough to ask me further questions in my teen years, when I started putting on weight.
How stupid is the girls comment. This is why girls get anorexia. Criticism ranging from helpful to cruel will be flung at you all your life. If parents are not making there children strong enough to deal with things then what the f**k are they doing. If u remove problems from life there will be no meaning in life. Things like these and actual cruel things have been said to me as a joke. If I started taking them seriously I won't even be alive.
You might be a lot weaker than this girl in another area. Not everyone was made exactly like you, you are not a perfect mold from which we should all be copied. I myself was susceptible to weight comments & was anorexic. However I became a soldier & excelled in that career path until injury stopped me. Today I am a very stong person, I had to grow, & as a teen this girl will grow too. We all have different strengths & weaknesses & should respect those in one another.
Load More Replies...Wow. A parent that takes responsibility for food selection in their home. I'm a dentist. I can't tell you the number of times I have told the parent of a young child not to give them soft drinks or koolaid, only to have them turn around to the kid and say "see - listen to her!" As if a 5 year old can make responsible diet choices on their own. If that is a legit photo of the kid in question, the NP is incompetent. Any healthcare provider worth their salt knows that BMI flies right out the window when you're evaluating athletes of any kind. Look at the numbers, and then look at the patient. If they don't agree, trust your eyes more than the data when it comes to body composition.
wow. women's attitudes about weight in America are terrifying. this question might have been appropriate if the girl in question was becoming obese but in the photo she is a normal teenage girl. gross how you defend the doctor. the girl is right, attitudes like this are why girls develop anorexia/bulimia. can't imagine anything like this happening in Canada.. guess our health care system here is just plain better. 😉
Doctors and nurses need to ask about weight fluctuations, from the tonality it may have been the NP had bad bedside manner- however it could also not have been delivered so severely, and she just went full 'mamabear' over something trivial and is making a mountain out of a molehill. Meh, unimpressed.
I think it's none of our business. And the mother is c**p for posting
She is a growing teenager, at 13, weight gain is normal. My mum was the one fat shaming me, when I weight about 48 at the age of 13 or 14, I went on strict diet and left to 42 kg, my teeth suffer, my bone suffer, my period stopped. The nurse should be able to see easily that physically this child is not fat, I am not an English native speaker. But how easy it is to rephrase the question into,”have you been eating well? Fruits and vegetables included in the diet?” I still suffered from my short period of eating disorder because of words that uttered by my mum. Yes, this nurse is out of line! Medical question should be more compassionate, not judging! How does a 13 year old child know what to say when she was asked to explain all those weight gain? If you support the nurse, you never went through what people like me went through as a teenager.
Having spent much of my career working with at-risk youth, I can tell you that professionals in physician’s offices look for warning signs of possible harmful thinking/behavior. Weight gain can indicate depression or control issues arising from abuse. In this situation, the girls sharing of her difficulties the previous year, coming pressures of entering two competitive sports, plus the weight gain, could present as a possible stressor. In teenagers particularly this can spiral quickly. Granted, the NP should have been more tactful, if this was indeed what she was trying to delve into. My point is that in this context I believe that her line of questioning was intended to check for emotional well-being rather than shaming or even addressing a physical shortcoming. The truly sad thing here is that a great opportunity to educate the mother on signs to be aware of was lost in the hostility of the interaction.
Fat is not great, it contributes to heart disease and the big one, diabetes. Gaining too much weight in too short a time is huge, especially for active kids, it could indicate a serious medical problem. Yo, Mom, lighten up, apparently your daughter has been raised with no idea how to handle her feelings, because guess what, you can't handle yours.
If i or my kid gained a lot of weight that didn't make sense and we were somehow oblivious to it i would want the Doc or Nurse to bring it to my attention
Hard to say what exactly happened, whether or not the mom blew it out of proportion or the NP just lacked tact. But if the child had gained a lot of weight from the previous year and did not have a corresponding gain in height, then by all means the NP should have asked about it. We do have an obesity epidemic in this country despite the fact that there is “fat shaming” going on. And far too many of our adolescents and teens are obese.
The NP probably didn't have the best bedside manner, but I think the parent overreacted which is also possibly why the teen commented that way as well.
Just another person looking for something to complain about. Noticeable weight gain with no obvious reasons could be a sign of health problems or mental problems. Sure, the doctor could have been a little more professional about it but she needs to know for YOUR DAUGHTER'S HEALTH AND SAFETY.
The girl grew boobs and muscle. The nurse yelled at her. Are you seriously saying that she deserves to be grilled for growing?
Load More Replies...Last year I had a tiny, thin 12 year old without an ounce of fat on her. But she was all muscle from 10 years of dance. She was 5', weighed 120 and wore a size zero dress. This year after finding out she weighed more than her friends who have less muscle and more body fat I have an anorexic 13 year old who has lost over 40#. She now wears the clothes she wore when she was 8-10. Weight is just a number. It's heartbreaking to see a talented girl melt away. And, of course she's had therapy and treatment. She's clawing her way back up from 78#.
Well shes not fat, she looks very healthy in the photo. Muscle mass weighs more than fat, but i think thr mom over reacted and suddenly turned it into a crusade.
DAMN....I hate doctors doing this!! HATE it! My doctor says a blood pressure of 170/ 110 is too high. He says a resting pulse of 115 is too high. He says a cardio-vascular recovery of 4 hours is too long. He says 75 pounds overweight is too much. What the hell does he know? I can eat 3 Big Macs in 10 minutes. Can he do that?.....I do not think so! That is performance!!! I am an athlete!!!
I fully support the Mom and all, but if she actually had a problem they should have listened to the nurse. I mean, she's a doctor, she's allowed to talk about weight gain, but she could've said it in a different way, or just to the Mom.
She's 13 you say? Why are you treating her like she is six? Let her answer the question and try "listening", you might learn something.
Maybe it would have been okay if she wasn't at the tender insecure age of thirteen.
This is b******t she is doing sports and her hormones are changing her metabolism will change as well. She is barely a teenager and she is being started on she might be bloated like she is 13 government her body a chance she is at a vunerable age that NP should have used more tact at least it's like she didn't know who she was talking too
This is b******t the girl is 13 is hormones and muscle from sports children's bodies change they get bloated and their metabolism changes with the hormones so give the girl a f*****g break she is barely a teenager and your starting on her
The mom is efing insane. shes saying c**p like "i dont care if my daughters overweight imma overfeed her anyways" of course doctor here was in the right.
This must be very hard to call - the Medical Professional, needs to ensure the child has no psychiatric issues causing her to overeat (comfort eating) And no medical problems. Needs to know the mom is feeding and encouaging her a healthy diet. No excuse for making a child feel she is fat
Well the kid did grow in height a lot & if the picture is her, the doctor is a dumb one. I'm surrounded by med students daily & most of them are very smart, but there are really dumb kids in med school, & they will be your family doctors. Kids in my family always get a tummy when they're about to hit a growth spurt too. The doctor has every right to address the kid's weight if she thinks it too much, but the way she did it was wrong & the kid is right. Even in my 20s if a doctor reacted like that I wouldn't eat a full meal for months, & I was already anorexic, I just had a lot of muscle from my workouts.
The way the nurse asked the question is the problem. Changes in weight can be an indicator of psychological or physiological issues, and it sounds like she had some difficult times at school recently and the irregularity of her periods could be a concern. If she'd asked if there were any changes in her diet, that would have been helpful (as opposed to making the daughter defensive with her aggressive line of questioning)--if she's eating more because she's more physically active or she's comfort eating because of trauma at school or her diet has not changed at it. Also, I would not have wanted my mom in there in case there was something I hadn't told my mom--like, what's happening at school?
The mom is probably overweight, only thing that makes sense for her to be offended by normal medical questions. Ridiculous.
It is the professional obligation of this healthcare provider to address this issue, no matter how she puts it. The message this girl is getting is that any kind of constructive criticism related to her health and general well-being is to be taken as a personal slant against her and not something that addresses her overall health. The mother needs to understand this and how this message affects her daughter and how she perceives criticism as a whole. People are going to tell you things you don't want to hear, and they are going to be right. Learn to deal.
If the mother is seriously saying that she controls the eating and exercising habits of her 13 year old....we have bigger issues.
Dairy is no bueno. I'd be more concerned about her asking about getting enough dairy.
The mama is being overly sensitive. There's no harm in being direct about these issues....better to face the reality and fix things while there's still time and is easier too and to check any harmful eating habits.
My whole family is very compactly muscular, which means that we are heavy for our height. I am 5'5", and if I were not toting a bit of extra weight, would be around 150lbs. I can also bench press around 150 and leg press over 300. Muscle is 3 time's denser than fat, so I will always be heavier than what the charts say I should be. If the girl's athletic, she will most likely ALWAYS be heavier as well, nothing wrong with it as long as she's healthy. If I went by the current BMI charts, I would be so thin I would probably end up in a hospital. However, I agree that a sudden fluctuation in weight can raise questions, the NP just needs to work on her tact, especially since weight is such a hot button topic.
I hate the people who body shame people then try to prove themselves as the correct ones. Like also the comeback "Do you know who my family is?"
Jennifer Fitch: "You're daughter"??? What, because an apostrophe is "fancy"?? But your comment is decent. Thank you.
As someone who was very athletic but began gaining weight in high school, always 25 pounds overweight, who then gained weight at a much quicker weight in college, eventually topping out at 365 pounds on a 5’2” frame, I wish someone had been honest with me. Maybe then, I would not have had to eventually undergo bariatric surgeryin order to lose 185 pounds.
Ridiculous mother... what's wrong with her? All this nonsense about being beautiful and amazing... really. I am sure she is, but so are millions of other girls and BOYS. It was a medical question, perhaps gauche, but normal enough.
I'm not a health professional but not all weight gain correlates to fat. This girl sounds like an athlete as well as a teenager. The weight gain could be from muscle development. In that way, I'm on Mom's side. Seriously, a NP would also be taking body measurements for BMI. How about asking if the girl is eating more and training more. The more you train the more fuel (food) you need. That could explain the higher weight gain. Although the mother's reaction is understandable, she could have redirected that anger and annoy and focused the NP on the fact that this is a teen who does sports and she apparently has grown a lot in the past year. The overreaction only tells the daughter to lie to her medical provider in the future. And that's far worse than an NP who isn't looking at the big picture.
i do think maybe the nurse couldve phrased it differently?? So it wasnt an accusation, but seriously it's a doctor, doctors are gonna tell you when something's amiss
So, moral of the story is, your kids are "perfect just the way they are" no matter what they look like? I'm sorry but that's just wishful thinking. One thing is body shaming, for example when your parent calls you an ugly, fat pig. Asking questions about weight because of health concerns is something else in its entirety. There's a standard to the BMI (body mass index).
ok so... the nurse NEEDS TO ask these questions. this makes me mad because the mother could be subconsciously harming her daughter
I have had doctors do this all my life I have only had four really try to help and understand I have a lot of health issues contributing to my health factors. That's why it's often for me to refuse to actually go and see them.
i think what the nurse did is the right thing to do. Being PC doesn't help, to be honest. I grew up as an obese kid and no one said anything because they're afraid of hurting people's feelings, which is good but at the same time, it is very bad if it concerns health. If only I met such a doctor or nurse, I wouldn't have had tiring health problems :s
After all, I see that both sides have their points and both sides have their weaknesses. A nurse trying to include a child in the assessment sounds just fine, a nurse not being sensitive that a well-meant question would have a very negative side effect is problematic. A mother protecting her child is fine, a mother not acknowledging that a 13 year old surely should be educated about nutrition is problematic. However, due to the professionalism the nurse should exercise I tend to be a bit more on the mother's side. She could at least have taken the time to tell the 13 year old about the specific weight of muscles vs. fat and than investigate whether junk food is a thing...that would have been professional and sensitive.
The way it reads it seems like the nurse didn't have a chance to explain these things, since the mom jumped in. The nurse did ask if the kid's activity level had changed or she was eating junk food, then she got shut down.
Load More Replies...I have worked in Eating Disorders and suffered form one myself in my youth. No critical comments on the weight of a healthy young teen by someone who should have known better is OK. That vulnerable age is precisely the time when an eating disorder can kick in and mess up lives often as results of carelesss and thoughtless comments. As if kids dont have enough pressure to resist already
Why the downvotes? I have seen severe Anorexia - patients with BMI of 10/11. they generally stemmed from criticism in early/mid-teens.If a child is healthy, fairly active and not obese they should not feel that something is "wrong with their body" So long as any tests come back ok for hormonal issues it will sort itself out in the end. A growth spurt with associated weight gain is not unusual in that age group
Load More Replies...OK, since there is no relative comparison of numbers here, I can't even comment one way or another; however, it appears "mom" is taking it personnally and sounds like she doesn't want her eating partner (because they have partners so it's ok) taken away or she will need to face the fact that she is not eating properly and is the cause of said child's obesity...but in short I'm offended over the fake being offended
I would have to have actually been there in the room to make an informed opinion on whether or not this was appropriate. And it depends on what the doctor meant by "influx" of weight gain. A little bit of weight gain is normal. A huge amount isn't and needs to be addressed. But from this post it sounds like this woman is full of s**t to be honest. And I'm saying this as a person who works in the medical field AND as someone that struggles with weight. It's not okay to make fun of fat people. THAT is fat shaming. Asking weight related questions when you are a person's health care provider isn't fat shaming.
I mean I get that doctors have to ask questions but really important shink- if the kid is having a problem with weight for godsake dont be blunt. Some kids will go down the path of anorexia, some will be ome bulimic because of this questions. Jesus just ask normal human questions not from a list. And ask the parents too not just your patient. F**k
As with many of the stories posted on Bored Panda, there is no evidence that this actually happened. It is likely that many of these stories are fiction.
The issue here isn't that she asked the question, but HOW she asked the question. Healthcare professionals, to be effective, need to have good relationships with their patients and build rapport. This means being able to get the right information, even when subjects are sensitive or hard to breach. You don't have to be a good people-person to be a doctor, nurse, etc. and unfortunately sometimes they don't get the training they should in terms of how to talk to people. The reality is that some subjects are going to be more likely to trigger a reaction-warranted or not-and these professionals need to be able to approach these subjects while being conscious of that. On a side note this happens in veterinary medicine too; we had a client who had a note in her file to NEVER talk about her dog's weight. EVER. This dog was severely obese and the weight was a huge health problem, but the owner would get so upset no one was allowed to talk to them about it.
Um, that's EXACTLY what their job is. Making sure their patients are HEALTHY and careful with how they treat their bodies. Especially preteens! If they don't develop habits to balance a good diet and physical activity with occasional indulgence in junk food and sugar overdoses in, like, 90% of the s**t we drink, she's going to jave bigger problems than her mom flipping out! She wasn't insulting or accusatory in any way; in fact, she should've kicked the mother out of the room upon such a ridiculously stupid responce. MEDICAL workers know better FOR A REASON! They went to goddamn school to be smarter than you about health.
Load More Replies...#1 this story seems either grossly blown out of proportion, or made up entirely. Also, how dare a medical professional ask medically appropriate questions.
The nurse doesn't want to see a 13 year old with a heart condition. The weight gain could easily be related to severe depression (which makes sense given the kid had a crappy school year) and the nurse has probably had teens in her practice commit suicide because of bullying.
Load More Replies...If your kid gained a lot of weight or even a little bit of weight the nurse was right and telling her so. Stop being so sensitive and take a look at your daughter. Take a look at your daughter and her health.
It is ridiculous when it's easy to see that it's muscle mass not fat that she gained. Muscle mass weighs more. This girl is not fat.
Load More Replies...It seams to me that the fear of fat shaming is becoming an issue as much as fat shaming itself.
Meh, bored panda has an echo chamber built around the subject. Pretty sure most of the people on here would be fine bbqing fat people in the street.
Load More Replies...I think the question was completely normal. The kid/mom could have easily explained that she gained in height and also muscle due to sports - the nurse asked if it was junk food or a change in activity level. The nurse also asked if her period was regular. Irregular period + weight gain can point to thyroid problems for example. Unusually high weight gain can point to a whole host of problems. This was not the nurse calling the girl fat, she's looking after her health and making sure to catch possible issues on time.
How about depression? The kid said she had a lousy school year. Given the way her mother flies off the handle, she might have been afraid to tell her she's being bullied.
Load More Replies...The mom appears to care for her daughter's feelings more than for her health. This wasn't a stranger on the street calling her daughter fat, it was a medical professional asking health questions.
Unfortunately that what our society is turning into. Everyone has become so sensitive you can't say or do anything without offending anyone and in cases like this it is causing them to miss what is really important.
Load More Replies...The mom lost me at "She is perfect", otherwise the NP could have chosen her words better.
What is this whole fat shaming thing? Obesity is a serious medical condition it should never be considered the same as race, skin color, gender, or religious affiliation.
Is mom a professional, educated in healthcare? No! Is the NP educated in healthcare? Most certainly YES! So, mom better pay attention to the NP, as she's asking IMPORTANT questions, that could have serious consequences if answered incorrectly or avoided entirely, just for the sake of "not hurting someone's feelings".
Excuse me, but I have to disagree. Not everything a "professional" asks or does is perfect. I had an idiot (professional idiot, mind, doctor and all) saying at MY FACE that women younger than 55 years old doesn't have breast cancer and REFUSING to do a mammogram, even when my GP asked for it.
Load More Replies...As a nutrition graduate I can actually understand both sides of the argument here. If the picture at the top is of the girl in question, then she is of a perfectly healthy weight. Sudden growth spurts are very common at that age, and as puberty progresses women develop fat stores which prepares them for pregnancy at a later date. Bone density also increases with physical activity, as does muscle mass, which impacts weight. Sudden weight gain is not abnormal, particularly with gains in height. Health practitioners sometimes need to question weight; I've even had my own weight flagged when I gained suddenly. However, there is a sensitive way of asking appropriately, and with girls in particular (who are very susceptible and impressionable at that age) care should be taken to emphasise the fact that growth spurts are normal, and that puberty isn't about linear weight gain. That nurse could have handled it WAY better.
I don't know why your comment got reported and hidden. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Load More Replies...Agree, it's a doctors job to check your weight, height, etc. Thats not body shaming that's doing their job. People are becoming more and more obsessed with "body shaming " so much so that they are making more of a spectacle out of it than it needs to be. They are looking for anything to be able to say "see, see, I told you"
Assuming the girl in the pic is the one this is all about; if the doctor couldn't look past the chart to see that the girl looks healthy & is muscular, then that doctor is dumb. Yes dumb doctors exist. After going into the healthcare profession I can assure you that some doctors are completely out of touch with other humans, & tend to only look at numbers & not the humans in front of them. Not to mention there are other reasons for a teen girl to gain weight than from eating junk.
Load More Replies...guys, why everyone seems to be so in favor of nurse at this particular time? i mean, yes, she was doing her job, but how about an alternative and less harmful way to do it? also, it doesn't even seem to be a question of the girl becoming obese, just gaining some weight, right? i was 11 years old when my cardiologist told me in a pretty rude way to stop eating pastries, as i was supposed to be a lot thinner, because my mom was so thin (i was not even close to being overweight, a little chubby, though). i developed severe anorexia months later, and, of course, that was not the only factor, but sure one of them, so why would people think this kind of attitude and behavior of nurse is fine, i would probably do exactly the same as that mother did..
. At that age they dont care if their mom thinks they are perfect - it's all about peer pressure
Load More Replies...It can happen. I've had some unbelievable doctors over the years.
Load More Replies...In the teen girls defense if she just got her period it could be hormonal....I mean I'm not even medically educated and know this.
I actually don't mind health workers questioning their patient's weight. That said, two things pop out regarding this nurse: 1. Her wording is incredibly rude, IF that is how she phrased her question. 2. If this girl is 13 years old, she's hitting puberty. Of f*****g course she'll gain weight. The nurse sounds not just rude, but incompetent as well.
There was a better way for the NP to address her concerns. However, we are not "perfect" the way we are. We are a constant work in progress. You shouldn't necessarily feel bad about who you are today, but consider what you want to be tomorrow. If it's not 10 pounds heavier, then address it.
Body shaming, blah blah blah, someone freaking out on the Internet, blah blah blah, someone making their private business everyone else's business, blah blah blah. And now this girl is going to be taunted as a fatty and for having a crazy mother at school, because that's the way kids are.
I mean if my kids suddenly gaining weight or losing weight rapidly i would like to know why.. Of course if they gaining or losing weight rspidly but everything is normal than Its fine. Its not fat shaming or body shaming. Its something doctors need to know to find out is there something wrong with the body..
Of course the way NP asking the question can be softer since they were dealing with 13 year old..
Load More Replies...I personally think that both the nurse and mom were overreacting just a little. I can see how mom would want to defend her daughter. But she could have explained it without doing what she did.
It's called a growth spurt and added muscle mass. Calm TF down crazy lady.
When I was in 9th grade, the doctor said I was worryingly underweight, so much so that they wanted to run some tests to make sure I didnt have some disease. My mom agreed because if I had a disease, she'd want to know about it as soon as possible so we could work on treatment. Turns out I was just an active kid with high metabolism. I can't imagine if my mom had freaked out on the doctor and told them to shove it because I'm "perfect the way I am" if I had actually had a disease... On top of her overreaction, it seems like this mom is desparately trying to live vicariously through her daughter.
I created training for doctors to deal with pediatric obesity. I've never seen so many doctors absolutely terrified of a subject. They feel like they have to bring it up, as it is a real health concern, but that the patient and parents usually respond very poorly and that there is little they can do. I think it's odd that the mom who wrote this didn't give any more details. Did her daughter simply grow taller and the weight was in line with that? If so, then we'd all agree that there is no issue. Did her daughter remain about the same height as a year ago but add 70 pounds? Cause then there might be a much bigger issue. It could be physical, it could be signs of mental health issues, could be a sign of abuse. Most likely is it was somewhere in between. Also, does that photo go with the story or did the bored panda editor just grab it and throw it in here? Cause it's very misleading to begin this story with that photo if that isn't the girl in the story.
True. If the child was playing a sport, she would have gained muscle mass. Muscle weighs more than fat, and would explain weight gain. Granted, the NP should have been more tactful, as weight can be a sensitive subject.
Load More Replies...It depends a lot of HOW NP asked the child this question about weight. We can't know that since we were not there. If the tone was judgemental and question was in tone more like "how the hell did you gain SO MUCH weight" then yes, it was not appropriate. But if it was more like calm question from professional "how did you gain this much weight, can you explain me?" without a trace of judgement or rudeness (you can tell those apart) then it's fine. It's all about context.
Last time I checked, weight was not a good measure of body condition. If BMI AND waist circumfence are within healthy limits, the person might as well have a ton of muscle which weights far more than fat of the same volume... %BodyFat along with visceral fat amount is a way better measure of one's condition.
yes mum overreacted but what's actually wrong with daughters weight, looks fine in photo
A physical is done yearly, honestly the question was unnecessary. At that age, the girl went from twelve to thirteen and grew muscle mass and taller and likely a bit wider. Of course she gained a little weight. The question in itself was not necessary because any nurse practitioner or doctor would see that and correlate everything together. If her weight didn't match up to her new height, then a question could be asked but most definitely worded better. Teenagers are highly susceptible to the world around them. However, if the girl in the picture is her, the question isn't even necessary and shouldn't Have been asked. It can give the girl self eaten issues and lead to problems. If the question was necessary for paperwork, ask only the mother or state a concern to the mother not in front of the girl.
I'm kinda half-and-half on this one. It's exactly appropriate for a doctor to ask questions about weight, but she coulda worded it better.
Any of you questioning the mother... Have you seen her daughter picture? Does she look fat? Or tall and muscular instead?
Maybe the nurse was prompted to ask this, because the kid's weight gain was unusually high for her height/age and possibly a short time-span. This doesn't necessarily mean she looks fat, but something like this may point to an undiagnosed medical issue.
Load More Replies...Nowhere in this ridiculous rant does the mom say anything about the actual height/weight of her "PERFECT" daughter. If the NP sees a red flag, that is not fat-shaming. This mom is perfect example of what is WRONG with society today.
The Nurse shouldnt have shamed the daughter. she should have spoken with the mum in private
Load More Replies...This is an absolute train wreck and that woman overreacted. I mean, how dare my DOCTOR ask me questions about my WEIGHT which correlates to my HEALTH? Now asking a health related question is body shaming? The doctor is not there to talk to your kid about body positivity if all they’re trying to do is continue with the exam and ask the necessary questions. This woman is more worried about her daughter’s feelings than her health
I have more of an issue with the NP glossing over the problems with school. The girl said school was hard & there was a lot of drama. NP didn't ask how she handled that stress or how she plans to address the same issues if they come up again this school year. How this girl handles stress could have a big impact on her health. The NP could have given her valuable information and tools to use to help the girl deal with stress and "drama". Tools she would need as she goes through life. The NP obviously thought the weight increase needing addressing but she could have broached the subject better. I think the NP also missed one potential cause of the weight gain- increased cortisol levels due to stress. Which can lead to other heath problems.
Doctors have all but stopped asking patients about their weight just because of idiots like this mother. I've spoken to a couple who said that the excuses are insane and so is the way people have quit caring about their health. One retired GP said that in the past, he would frequently warn people about their blood pressure and tell them they needed to lose the weight - but at the end of his practice he stopped bothering. All the patients wanted was the drugs so they could keep eating. ...///.... Thankfully both of our doctors are sensible sorts. My husband's physician told him flat out that he needed to lose 35 pounds - and he did it. So did I. We both feel MUCH better and we're both grateful for sensible physicians.
I think there are subtle ways of asking and blunt ways of asking, maybe the doctor should just have a bit more tact when dealing with patients. I guess it depends on exactly HOW she said those words, because with a sympathetic tone she probably would've got a level headed reply.
Don't know why you were downvoted. It makes sense and I completely agree with it.
Load More Replies...I hate that kind of questioning because it's insinuating that the daughter did something wrong when she possibly didn't. However the mother projected big time. If she was smart about it I'd be pointing out that daughter grew a foot in height and does lots of exercise, so not only did she gain weight in height, but she may also have gained in muscle. Having a jump in height can also increase your appetite for a while. The doctor should have considered many of these factors before asking that question. Still I feel like the mother decided to project all these body shaming standards onto her, while this doctor gets no opportunity to explain herself. Maybe the mother stormed out or she omitted that part out because she could have been talking to much sense.
1. Girl isn’t fat. She either gained muscle or just some fat because she is growing. 2. The nurse can tell her that being overweight is dangerous, but she isn’t overweight. Asking the kid if she’s been eating junk food is inappropriate that way. You can ask without sounding like you are accusing her of a crime. Example: “how has your diet been lately? Do you eat vegetables? How often do you have snacks and dessert?”
Hmmm...why would a 13 year old gain weight? "They're called boobs, Ed". Honestly, we don't know how the doctor actually approached this, so maybe they were inappropriate, but as someone who found out in my late 30s that I have both PCOS and hyprothyroidism, both of which have contributed to my being heavy most of my adult life, I wish a doctor had been forthright enough to ask me further questions in my teen years, when I started putting on weight.
How stupid is the girls comment. This is why girls get anorexia. Criticism ranging from helpful to cruel will be flung at you all your life. If parents are not making there children strong enough to deal with things then what the f**k are they doing. If u remove problems from life there will be no meaning in life. Things like these and actual cruel things have been said to me as a joke. If I started taking them seriously I won't even be alive.
You might be a lot weaker than this girl in another area. Not everyone was made exactly like you, you are not a perfect mold from which we should all be copied. I myself was susceptible to weight comments & was anorexic. However I became a soldier & excelled in that career path until injury stopped me. Today I am a very stong person, I had to grow, & as a teen this girl will grow too. We all have different strengths & weaknesses & should respect those in one another.
Load More Replies...Wow. A parent that takes responsibility for food selection in their home. I'm a dentist. I can't tell you the number of times I have told the parent of a young child not to give them soft drinks or koolaid, only to have them turn around to the kid and say "see - listen to her!" As if a 5 year old can make responsible diet choices on their own. If that is a legit photo of the kid in question, the NP is incompetent. Any healthcare provider worth their salt knows that BMI flies right out the window when you're evaluating athletes of any kind. Look at the numbers, and then look at the patient. If they don't agree, trust your eyes more than the data when it comes to body composition.
wow. women's attitudes about weight in America are terrifying. this question might have been appropriate if the girl in question was becoming obese but in the photo she is a normal teenage girl. gross how you defend the doctor. the girl is right, attitudes like this are why girls develop anorexia/bulimia. can't imagine anything like this happening in Canada.. guess our health care system here is just plain better. 😉
Doctors and nurses need to ask about weight fluctuations, from the tonality it may have been the NP had bad bedside manner- however it could also not have been delivered so severely, and she just went full 'mamabear' over something trivial and is making a mountain out of a molehill. Meh, unimpressed.
I think it's none of our business. And the mother is c**p for posting
She is a growing teenager, at 13, weight gain is normal. My mum was the one fat shaming me, when I weight about 48 at the age of 13 or 14, I went on strict diet and left to 42 kg, my teeth suffer, my bone suffer, my period stopped. The nurse should be able to see easily that physically this child is not fat, I am not an English native speaker. But how easy it is to rephrase the question into,”have you been eating well? Fruits and vegetables included in the diet?” I still suffered from my short period of eating disorder because of words that uttered by my mum. Yes, this nurse is out of line! Medical question should be more compassionate, not judging! How does a 13 year old child know what to say when she was asked to explain all those weight gain? If you support the nurse, you never went through what people like me went through as a teenager.
Having spent much of my career working with at-risk youth, I can tell you that professionals in physician’s offices look for warning signs of possible harmful thinking/behavior. Weight gain can indicate depression or control issues arising from abuse. In this situation, the girls sharing of her difficulties the previous year, coming pressures of entering two competitive sports, plus the weight gain, could present as a possible stressor. In teenagers particularly this can spiral quickly. Granted, the NP should have been more tactful, if this was indeed what she was trying to delve into. My point is that in this context I believe that her line of questioning was intended to check for emotional well-being rather than shaming or even addressing a physical shortcoming. The truly sad thing here is that a great opportunity to educate the mother on signs to be aware of was lost in the hostility of the interaction.
Fat is not great, it contributes to heart disease and the big one, diabetes. Gaining too much weight in too short a time is huge, especially for active kids, it could indicate a serious medical problem. Yo, Mom, lighten up, apparently your daughter has been raised with no idea how to handle her feelings, because guess what, you can't handle yours.
If i or my kid gained a lot of weight that didn't make sense and we were somehow oblivious to it i would want the Doc or Nurse to bring it to my attention
Hard to say what exactly happened, whether or not the mom blew it out of proportion or the NP just lacked tact. But if the child had gained a lot of weight from the previous year and did not have a corresponding gain in height, then by all means the NP should have asked about it. We do have an obesity epidemic in this country despite the fact that there is “fat shaming” going on. And far too many of our adolescents and teens are obese.
The NP probably didn't have the best bedside manner, but I think the parent overreacted which is also possibly why the teen commented that way as well.
Just another person looking for something to complain about. Noticeable weight gain with no obvious reasons could be a sign of health problems or mental problems. Sure, the doctor could have been a little more professional about it but she needs to know for YOUR DAUGHTER'S HEALTH AND SAFETY.
The girl grew boobs and muscle. The nurse yelled at her. Are you seriously saying that she deserves to be grilled for growing?
Load More Replies...Last year I had a tiny, thin 12 year old without an ounce of fat on her. But she was all muscle from 10 years of dance. She was 5', weighed 120 and wore a size zero dress. This year after finding out she weighed more than her friends who have less muscle and more body fat I have an anorexic 13 year old who has lost over 40#. She now wears the clothes she wore when she was 8-10. Weight is just a number. It's heartbreaking to see a talented girl melt away. And, of course she's had therapy and treatment. She's clawing her way back up from 78#.
Well shes not fat, she looks very healthy in the photo. Muscle mass weighs more than fat, but i think thr mom over reacted and suddenly turned it into a crusade.
DAMN....I hate doctors doing this!! HATE it! My doctor says a blood pressure of 170/ 110 is too high. He says a resting pulse of 115 is too high. He says a cardio-vascular recovery of 4 hours is too long. He says 75 pounds overweight is too much. What the hell does he know? I can eat 3 Big Macs in 10 minutes. Can he do that?.....I do not think so! That is performance!!! I am an athlete!!!
I fully support the Mom and all, but if she actually had a problem they should have listened to the nurse. I mean, she's a doctor, she's allowed to talk about weight gain, but she could've said it in a different way, or just to the Mom.
She's 13 you say? Why are you treating her like she is six? Let her answer the question and try "listening", you might learn something.
Maybe it would have been okay if she wasn't at the tender insecure age of thirteen.
This is b******t she is doing sports and her hormones are changing her metabolism will change as well. She is barely a teenager and she is being started on she might be bloated like she is 13 government her body a chance she is at a vunerable age that NP should have used more tact at least it's like she didn't know who she was talking too
This is b******t the girl is 13 is hormones and muscle from sports children's bodies change they get bloated and their metabolism changes with the hormones so give the girl a f*****g break she is barely a teenager and your starting on her
The mom is efing insane. shes saying c**p like "i dont care if my daughters overweight imma overfeed her anyways" of course doctor here was in the right.
This must be very hard to call - the Medical Professional, needs to ensure the child has no psychiatric issues causing her to overeat (comfort eating) And no medical problems. Needs to know the mom is feeding and encouaging her a healthy diet. No excuse for making a child feel she is fat
Well the kid did grow in height a lot & if the picture is her, the doctor is a dumb one. I'm surrounded by med students daily & most of them are very smart, but there are really dumb kids in med school, & they will be your family doctors. Kids in my family always get a tummy when they're about to hit a growth spurt too. The doctor has every right to address the kid's weight if she thinks it too much, but the way she did it was wrong & the kid is right. Even in my 20s if a doctor reacted like that I wouldn't eat a full meal for months, & I was already anorexic, I just had a lot of muscle from my workouts.
The way the nurse asked the question is the problem. Changes in weight can be an indicator of psychological or physiological issues, and it sounds like she had some difficult times at school recently and the irregularity of her periods could be a concern. If she'd asked if there were any changes in her diet, that would have been helpful (as opposed to making the daughter defensive with her aggressive line of questioning)--if she's eating more because she's more physically active or she's comfort eating because of trauma at school or her diet has not changed at it. Also, I would not have wanted my mom in there in case there was something I hadn't told my mom--like, what's happening at school?
The mom is probably overweight, only thing that makes sense for her to be offended by normal medical questions. Ridiculous.
It is the professional obligation of this healthcare provider to address this issue, no matter how she puts it. The message this girl is getting is that any kind of constructive criticism related to her health and general well-being is to be taken as a personal slant against her and not something that addresses her overall health. The mother needs to understand this and how this message affects her daughter and how she perceives criticism as a whole. People are going to tell you things you don't want to hear, and they are going to be right. Learn to deal.
If the mother is seriously saying that she controls the eating and exercising habits of her 13 year old....we have bigger issues.
Dairy is no bueno. I'd be more concerned about her asking about getting enough dairy.
The mama is being overly sensitive. There's no harm in being direct about these issues....better to face the reality and fix things while there's still time and is easier too and to check any harmful eating habits.
My whole family is very compactly muscular, which means that we are heavy for our height. I am 5'5", and if I were not toting a bit of extra weight, would be around 150lbs. I can also bench press around 150 and leg press over 300. Muscle is 3 time's denser than fat, so I will always be heavier than what the charts say I should be. If the girl's athletic, she will most likely ALWAYS be heavier as well, nothing wrong with it as long as she's healthy. If I went by the current BMI charts, I would be so thin I would probably end up in a hospital. However, I agree that a sudden fluctuation in weight can raise questions, the NP just needs to work on her tact, especially since weight is such a hot button topic.
I hate the people who body shame people then try to prove themselves as the correct ones. Like also the comeback "Do you know who my family is?"
Jennifer Fitch: "You're daughter"??? What, because an apostrophe is "fancy"?? But your comment is decent. Thank you.
As someone who was very athletic but began gaining weight in high school, always 25 pounds overweight, who then gained weight at a much quicker weight in college, eventually topping out at 365 pounds on a 5’2” frame, I wish someone had been honest with me. Maybe then, I would not have had to eventually undergo bariatric surgeryin order to lose 185 pounds.
Ridiculous mother... what's wrong with her? All this nonsense about being beautiful and amazing... really. I am sure she is, but so are millions of other girls and BOYS. It was a medical question, perhaps gauche, but normal enough.
I'm not a health professional but not all weight gain correlates to fat. This girl sounds like an athlete as well as a teenager. The weight gain could be from muscle development. In that way, I'm on Mom's side. Seriously, a NP would also be taking body measurements for BMI. How about asking if the girl is eating more and training more. The more you train the more fuel (food) you need. That could explain the higher weight gain. Although the mother's reaction is understandable, she could have redirected that anger and annoy and focused the NP on the fact that this is a teen who does sports and she apparently has grown a lot in the past year. The overreaction only tells the daughter to lie to her medical provider in the future. And that's far worse than an NP who isn't looking at the big picture.
i do think maybe the nurse couldve phrased it differently?? So it wasnt an accusation, but seriously it's a doctor, doctors are gonna tell you when something's amiss
So, moral of the story is, your kids are "perfect just the way they are" no matter what they look like? I'm sorry but that's just wishful thinking. One thing is body shaming, for example when your parent calls you an ugly, fat pig. Asking questions about weight because of health concerns is something else in its entirety. There's a standard to the BMI (body mass index).
ok so... the nurse NEEDS TO ask these questions. this makes me mad because the mother could be subconsciously harming her daughter
I have had doctors do this all my life I have only had four really try to help and understand I have a lot of health issues contributing to my health factors. That's why it's often for me to refuse to actually go and see them.
i think what the nurse did is the right thing to do. Being PC doesn't help, to be honest. I grew up as an obese kid and no one said anything because they're afraid of hurting people's feelings, which is good but at the same time, it is very bad if it concerns health. If only I met such a doctor or nurse, I wouldn't have had tiring health problems :s
After all, I see that both sides have their points and both sides have their weaknesses. A nurse trying to include a child in the assessment sounds just fine, a nurse not being sensitive that a well-meant question would have a very negative side effect is problematic. A mother protecting her child is fine, a mother not acknowledging that a 13 year old surely should be educated about nutrition is problematic. However, due to the professionalism the nurse should exercise I tend to be a bit more on the mother's side. She could at least have taken the time to tell the 13 year old about the specific weight of muscles vs. fat and than investigate whether junk food is a thing...that would have been professional and sensitive.
The way it reads it seems like the nurse didn't have a chance to explain these things, since the mom jumped in. The nurse did ask if the kid's activity level had changed or she was eating junk food, then she got shut down.
Load More Replies...I have worked in Eating Disorders and suffered form one myself in my youth. No critical comments on the weight of a healthy young teen by someone who should have known better is OK. That vulnerable age is precisely the time when an eating disorder can kick in and mess up lives often as results of carelesss and thoughtless comments. As if kids dont have enough pressure to resist already
Why the downvotes? I have seen severe Anorexia - patients with BMI of 10/11. they generally stemmed from criticism in early/mid-teens.If a child is healthy, fairly active and not obese they should not feel that something is "wrong with their body" So long as any tests come back ok for hormonal issues it will sort itself out in the end. A growth spurt with associated weight gain is not unusual in that age group
Load More Replies...OK, since there is no relative comparison of numbers here, I can't even comment one way or another; however, it appears "mom" is taking it personnally and sounds like she doesn't want her eating partner (because they have partners so it's ok) taken away or she will need to face the fact that she is not eating properly and is the cause of said child's obesity...but in short I'm offended over the fake being offended
I would have to have actually been there in the room to make an informed opinion on whether or not this was appropriate. And it depends on what the doctor meant by "influx" of weight gain. A little bit of weight gain is normal. A huge amount isn't and needs to be addressed. But from this post it sounds like this woman is full of s**t to be honest. And I'm saying this as a person who works in the medical field AND as someone that struggles with weight. It's not okay to make fun of fat people. THAT is fat shaming. Asking weight related questions when you are a person's health care provider isn't fat shaming.
I mean I get that doctors have to ask questions but really important shink- if the kid is having a problem with weight for godsake dont be blunt. Some kids will go down the path of anorexia, some will be ome bulimic because of this questions. Jesus just ask normal human questions not from a list. And ask the parents too not just your patient. F**k
As with many of the stories posted on Bored Panda, there is no evidence that this actually happened. It is likely that many of these stories are fiction.
The issue here isn't that she asked the question, but HOW she asked the question. Healthcare professionals, to be effective, need to have good relationships with their patients and build rapport. This means being able to get the right information, even when subjects are sensitive or hard to breach. You don't have to be a good people-person to be a doctor, nurse, etc. and unfortunately sometimes they don't get the training they should in terms of how to talk to people. The reality is that some subjects are going to be more likely to trigger a reaction-warranted or not-and these professionals need to be able to approach these subjects while being conscious of that. On a side note this happens in veterinary medicine too; we had a client who had a note in her file to NEVER talk about her dog's weight. EVER. This dog was severely obese and the weight was a huge health problem, but the owner would get so upset no one was allowed to talk to them about it.
Um, that's EXACTLY what their job is. Making sure their patients are HEALTHY and careful with how they treat their bodies. Especially preteens! If they don't develop habits to balance a good diet and physical activity with occasional indulgence in junk food and sugar overdoses in, like, 90% of the s**t we drink, she's going to jave bigger problems than her mom flipping out! She wasn't insulting or accusatory in any way; in fact, she should've kicked the mother out of the room upon such a ridiculously stupid responce. MEDICAL workers know better FOR A REASON! They went to goddamn school to be smarter than you about health.
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