“I Can’t Do It Anymore”: Mom Hates Babysitting 9 Kids For 3-6 Hours So Husband Can Have A Hobby

People say that resentment can decimate a marriage. Whether it’s about childcare, work, or household chores, experts estimate that 20% of all married couples experience marital distress at any given time. Sometimes, resentment might build at the cost of one partner’s mental health.

For this woman, resentment started building up when she had to babysit a group of friends’ kids while they and her husband went trail running. As it was benefitting his mental health immensely, she felt guilty for feeling this way, but couldn’t hold it in any longer and decided to seek advice online.

A mom was feeling overwhelmed with babysitting on Sundays while her husband and friends go running

Mom with nine kids plays on the floor, surrounded by toys, capturing a moment of parenting and childcare activities.

Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)

After some months, she started to feel burnt out and noticed she doesn’t like it anymore

Text about resentment from being left with kids as others go trail running.

Text discusses resentment as mom left with 9 kids, while others enjoy trail running.

Text excerpt about a mom left with nine kids while other parents go trail running.

Text expressing a mom's resentment for being left with 9 kids while parents go trail running, highlighting stress.

Group of adults enjoying trail running outside on a sunny day, smiling and dressed in athletic wear.

Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)

Text describing a dinner outing with kids on a Sunday at 6pm.

Text about managing kids mentions it's hardly stress-free.

Text expressing a mom's resentment for being left with 9 kids, highlighting stress while others trail run.

Text discussing challenges of managing 9 kids alone while others go trail running, mentioning stress and mental health benefits.

Text discussing childcare dynamics while some parents go trail running, leaving mom with nine kids.

Text discussing resentment and parenting stress when others enjoy trail running as a hobby.

Image credits: FoxesFM

Moms take on the bigger part of childcare in heteronormative families

Mom with nine kids on a couch, looking overwhelmed while others are out trail running, feeling hardly stress-free.

Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)

Raising kids really can take a village, and this story proves it. Even if you have family members and friends helping you out with childcare, it can still be a burden that weighs heavy on your mental health.

Sadly, the burden of childcare still falls onto the shoulders of women more often. During the pandemic, for example, the time mothers spent on secondary childcare (watching over their children while working, doing chores, or simply watching television) increased significantly.

This is just one example of how mothers are the default caregivers to children, whether it’s when their spouses need “me” time or when there’s no one else to care for the children. Women are also more likely to sacrifice their professional lives for family life. Women still spend more time on housework and childcare and fewer hours of paid work than men.

Parents turn to family, friends, and neighbors (FFN) to help them with childcare. However, often neither is an option. In one poll, almost half of American parents admitted having difficulty in finding childcare. And, as one study notes, only about one in four parents in America rely on an FFN caregiver for childcare.

Both parents need a break from looking after kids. They need time to destress, focus on their hobbies, or practice self-care. In the end, a burnt-out, fatigued parent is no good for a child. Parents need to be rested and healthy to provide adequate care.

There’s a hobby gender gap for married moms and dads

Woman tending potted flowers in a garden, wearing a straw hat and yellow shirt, balancing stress with gardening.

Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)

Many people in the comments under the story pointed out how the mom should get some free time on her own. And she admitted that she does; after a Sunday like that, she gets the next Sunday to herself having lunch with friends, going to the gym, etc.

And this illustrates an interesting point about how men’s hobbies differ from women’s hobbies. As creator Paige Turner, who often comments about the mental load and the challenges of motherhood, explained, men’s hobbies take them out of the house, while women’s hobbies often revolve around the family.

Men take up golfing, fishing, hunting, rock climbing, or, like in this case, trail running. Women, in turn, choose gardening, baking, reading, interior design, and such, which can all be done at home. Even if they go out to the gym or for brunch with their girlfriends, that doesn’t take up the entire day.

Research suggests that’s because moms have less free time than dads. Interestingly, married men in general tend to have more free time than their unmarried counterparts. In a heteronormative marriage, a man gains free time because household tasks often fall on the shoulders of the wife.

Husbands with children have approximately 25.7 hours of free time a week, while their wives have only 22.8 hours a week. Women, according to the researchers, are also more likely to socialize during their free time.

As Nia Carnelio observes in her essay on Substack “Are his hobbies more important than hers?”, even during family get-togethers, when it’s supposedly free time, women tend to spend time in the kitchen preparing the food for everyone. The men, in turn, sit by the grill enjoying a beer or two.

She also clarified that she doesn’t feel taken advantage of: “I just don’t enjoy my part!”

Text exchange expressing mom's resentment about childcare stress while others go trail running.

Comments about parenting challenges while others go trail running; a mother feels resentful.

Text exchange discussing managing 9 kids and the stress involved while others go trail running.

Text exchange discussing a mom's resentment about managing 9 kids while others go trail running.

Text exchange about a mom left with 9 kids, feeling stressed while other parents go trail running.

Discussion about handling emergencies while trail running; mother with nine kids shares past incident and response plan.

People had mixed reactions: some suggested asking for more help, while others suggested to either suck it up or quit the babysitting sessions

Comment suggesting solutions for a mom left with 9 kids, feeling stressed.

Text discussing physical health benefits and suggesting personal relaxation time for a mom managing child care.

Comment suggesting parents should alternate childcare during trail running activities.

Forum post suggesting mom charge per child for babysitting to manage stress.

Comment suggesting solutions for a mom left with kids while others go trail running.

Text expressing resentment about childcare duties, discussing the frequency of parents going out and leaving someone with the kids.

Text suggesting hiring help for a mom left with 9 kids while others go trail running.

Comment expressing frustration about managing nine young kids, highlighting stress and challenges faced by mom.

Comment about organizing childcare and trail running responsibility between parents.

Text discussing finding time for self-care while managing childcare responsibilities.

Comment from coxesorangepippin reads, "That's a lot of kids," about a mom with 9 kids.

Text discussing a group of parents rotating childcare responsibilities to allow trail running.

Text expressing resentment about childcare responsibilities while parents go trail running.

Comment from user on parenting stress, saying "Once a month sounds fair to me.

Suggestions for a mom with 9 kids managing childcare when others go trail running.

Text discussing a mom's stress from being left with 9 kids, highlighting the challenge of a spouse prioritizing trail running.

Text from a forum user responding to a mom about parenting and stress.

Text from a forum discussing the challenges faced by a mom with 9 kids, expressing resentment.

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