Woman Prohibits MIL From Taking Her 9 Y.O. Daughter To Church “Purity Ball,” Gets Called A Jerk
There is a good reason why most folks avoid the three evils of debate: politics, religion, and music. Sure, it can make for a good and meaningful conversation—one that you’d walk away from having learned something—but more often than not, it ends in tears. At the very least.
The same happens with religious family members who refuse to read the room and adapt to changing societal norms that are ever so slightly turning individualistic. And that, among many other things, means that people don’t enjoy convictions being shoved down their throats.
And a Redditor shared a story of theirs that has the theme of convictions being shoved down their throat written all over it.
More Info: Reddit
There’s only so much a person can tolerate on a religious level until they are forced to draw the line, and the people behind that line get offended
Image credits: Warren LeMay (not the actual image)
Back in 2020, Reddit user u/ashley-indigo shared a conundrum on the r/AITA subreddit that she needed some perspective on.
Ashley has a 9-year-old daughter named Tess who has gone to church with her mother-in-law on several occasions since she was little. While Ashley never took fondly to religion or its folk—even more so since the mother-in-law is an “aggressive Baptist”—she understood the importance of letting her girl bond with grandma.
There’s also an added bonus of having free time on Sundays. But that’s beside the point.
A mother drew the line prohibiting her mother-in-law to take her 9-year-old daughter to a “purity ball”, which in turn made the MIL angry
Image credits: u/ashley-indigo
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual image)
Because of the raging pandemic, religious services went online, and so Tess would often go to grandma’s place and set up the laptop for them to watch. She also joined the Zoom calls for girls’ Sunday school.
Following one such visit to grandma, Tess came home, babbling something about a “ball” and how she was going to go shopping with grandma for it. At that point, OP thought nothing of it—probably just a child imagining things—but then she heard her hubby say something about a $50 budget. Confusion kicked in, so questions ensued.
The author of the post explained that she wasn’t against her daughter taking part in the local church’s activities together with her mother-in-law
Image credits: u/ashley-indigo
One quick back-and-forth later, she found out the Sunday school Tess frequented was having a “purity ball” for 10 to 14-year-olds. Not only was it problematic because of the raging pandemic, but also because OP was of the opinion that purity ideals are just plain toxic to girls.
The husband elaborated that his sister went to the ball and it was this fun thing, “not a big deal.” This is where OP started fuming, and explained her position on “purity,” despite the hubby explaining that he wasn’t trying to hide this from OP, saying he thought she already knew, she was suspicious of him.
Unbeknownst to her, though, the mother-in-law also had plans to sign the daughter up for a purity ball, which the mother did not like one bit
Image credits: u/ashley-indigo
What was worse was that the husband seemed to have been lowkey hiding this from the mother
Image credits: VIKTOR KONDRATIUK (not the actual image)
OP picked up her phone and texted the mother-in-law asking about it. MIL hadn’t yet signed Tess up for the ball, but was planning on it. OP put her foot down and forbade her from doing that, which in turn spawned the usual litany of push-back from the religious mother-in-law in the form of calling her promiscuous and a poor parent.
“[Am I the jerk] for forbidding the ‘purity ball’? The only reason I could be the asshole is I unilaterally decided against my husband’s input, and I think Tess will be disappointed,” concluded OP.
Folks online saw no blame in the mom, but her husband and the mother-in-law were out of line
The post drew quite a bit of attention, amounting to nearly 18,000 upvotes (with 96% of which positive… in terms of feedback, not positive for COVID, don’t worry) and over 45 Reddit awards. And the community ruled that OP is not wrong in this situation.
There was one commenter who ruled that everyone sucks here—because OP mentioned how she enjoyed adult time on Sundays—but apart from that, it was all the blame on the husband and the mother-in-law.
Some said that the husband was to blame for supposedly hiding this bit of info, like OP had suspected. Others pointed fingers at the mother-in-law, suspecting that she’s alienating the daughter from the mother based on how MIL claimed OP’s a bad influence on her husband, who’s her son. This is besides the several people pointing out how creepy purity balls can be, let alone psychologically damaging.
You can check out the full post in context here, but not without sharing your take on the situation, or purity balls, or anything else you see fit in the comment section below!
NTA. Purity balls are a gross way to sexualize children or ostracize them. I was once told by a church member that a sexual assault I faced as a child meant I was impure and that I didn't have much to bring a husband. I was EIGHT. These things teach girls that sex is shameful and that is their only worth.
Boys are listening while adults trot all this sexist, raped c**p.
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How about buying a nice dress anyway, and taking her out to a fancy restaurant instead? Simply exchange a questionable occasion for a nicer one.
If she has friends her age at church who already bought dresses for this event maybe you could have your own fancy ball type party at your house. Kind of like how people made their own prom at home during Covid
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I'm a Baptist, and while I've heard of a Purity ball, I do NOT agree with them. We don't need MORE of the Christian Taliban trope, thank you, and this just adds to it. And at nine years old?!? Gross!!
NTA. Purity balls are a gross way to sexualize children or ostracize them. I was once told by a church member that a sexual assault I faced as a child meant I was impure and that I didn't have much to bring a husband. I was EIGHT. These things teach girls that sex is shameful and that is their only worth.
Boys are listening while adults trot all this sexist, raped c**p.
Load More Replies... How about buying a nice dress anyway, and taking her out to a fancy restaurant instead? Simply exchange a questionable occasion for a nicer one.
If she has friends her age at church who already bought dresses for this event maybe you could have your own fancy ball type party at your house. Kind of like how people made their own prom at home during Covid
Load More Replies... I'm a Baptist, and while I've heard of a Purity ball, I do NOT agree with them. We don't need MORE of the Christian Taliban trope, thank you, and this just adds to it. And at nine years old?!? Gross!!
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