Woman Refuses To Let MIL Babysit Anymore After She Pierced Newborn’s Ears Without Approval
Interview With Expert
Parents are responsible for how their kids look as long as they can’t make choices for themselves (and in some cases, even then). But sometimes, other relatives also think that they can make these decisions without even consulting the parents first. For example, a grandmother pierced an 8-month-old girl’s ears at a shady salon without asking her parents first. What’s even worse is that the grandmother knew that the parents didn’t want the baby’s ears pierced, as it looked weird to them. That’s bound to create some tension in the family, right?
More info: Reddit
How would you react if someone went behind your back to pierce your 8-month-old baby’s ears?
Image credits: Monica Turlui (not the actual photo)
The woman let her mother-in-law pick up her baby from daycare to spend more time with her, only to find out that during that time, the MIL pierced her baby’s ears
Image credits: Britt Reints (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Bassam Abo Hamed (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/ughmypoorbaby
Both the woman and her husband were enraged by the MIL’s actions, so they banned her from picking the baby up from daycare
At the time of the post, the original poster’s daughter was merely 8 months old. And so, the whole situation was prompted by the daughter being picked up from daycare by her grandma, the OP’s mother-in-law. The grandma wanted to spend more time with her grandbaby. Mom didn’t see anything wrong with this, as it wasn’t the first time it had happened.
But then, when the OP went to pick up her daughter from her grandma’s place, she noticed that the baby’s ears were pierced. Apparently, the MIL thought that asking the parents’ consent before doing something like that to their baby wasn’t necessary. Even though she knew that parents weren’t planning to put earrings on their baby, as they didn’t want to cause her pain for something purely cosmetic. Also, the mom thought that babies looked weird when they had earrings.
So, the MIL decided that doing this procedure behind the parents’ backs was OK since they wouldn’t see the baby’s pain. The OP didn’t think this justified her actions in the slightest. Well, to her mom-in-law, it did, as she said that trusting her to pick up the baby from daycare meant that she was trusted with other decisions as well.
And this wasn’t even the end of the situation. Evidently, the MIL not only pierced her granddaughter’s ears behind her parents’ back, but she also did it at some cheap jewelry store. This enraged the OP even further, as she said if she had chosen to go through with the piercing, she would have taken the baby to a professional place.
For more information about piercing baby’s ears, Bored Panda reached out to Rachel Smith from Clinical Ear Piercing.
According to her, the best age for getting a baby’s ears pierced is between 2 and 18 months. After that, it’s recommended to wait until the kid is a little bit older, like 4 or 5, as at that age, they can remain still during the procedure.
She also noted that there aren’t any long-term implications that parents should be aware of when piercing a baby’s ears. The procedure for the babies doesn’t differ that much from the adults. The only major difference is that for babies, the medical piercing gun is used, while from the age of 6, the hollow needle is used. She added that “Aftercare protocol is the same regardless of age.”
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
After getting pushed from the list, the mother-in-law wrote a shallow Facebook apology in which she called the parents dramatic
Coming back to the story, after learning about everything, the husband also became furious. He called his mother to tell her that from then on, she would be removed from the list of approved pick-up people at the daycare. They just simply didn’t trust her anymore.
So, the MIL figured out that, at this point, she needed to apologize. She decided to go with a message on Facebook, which the OP thought was kind of insincere. In it, the woman blamed the parents for having an overly dramatic reaction.
That prompted the OP to come to Reddit to share the whole story and ask what she should do. After all, she doesn’t want to start a family feud, but at the same time, she doesn’t trust her MIL with her daughter anymore.
Well, people online were pretty much united in their opinion — the MIL crossed the line. They told the OP that she wasn’t creating a family feud by limiting her mother-in-law’s alone time with the baby; she was just setting boundaries. Some netizens said that the woman also should take the earrings out and give the earrings back while letting the holes heal. It seems that a similar idea already crossed the woman’s mind, as she answered: “The earrings are in the garbage.” Rightfully so.
Some people in the comments mentioned that piercing a baby’s ears can be a part of some cultures. For example, in Latin American cultures and Spain, it’s a tradition to pierce a baby girl’s ears mere days after her birth. Sometimes, it happens before the baby even leaves the hospital.
Some cultures in Africa, Asia, and the Middle East also have traditions related to baby ear piercings. For instance, Hinduists practice the Karnavedha tradition. It’s an ear-piercing ceremony for both female and male kids between the ages of 1 and 5. A special thorn is used for the piercing, and butter is applied to the wound afterward.
But as the OP cleared up in the comments — none of these traditions apply to her family. As she said, “they’re very white with no strong cultural ties.” And still, even if they would have some cultural traditions applicable to them, we can agree that the mother-in-law’s action of going behind the parents’ back was a shady one. And so, both the post’s author and her husband’s loss of trust in the MIL was very justified.
“The earrings are in the garbage”: People online understood the woman’s loss of trust in her mom-in-law when she told them she took out the earrings and threw them away
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"I'm being treated like a child abuser". Yes, you are. Because that's exactly what this is. She should be thankful the mum didn't have her arrested and charged with assault.
Right? My first thought was to reply "because you ARE a child abuser" -- and I used to have 3 holes in one ear and 2 in the other. I made that decision as an adult.
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I come from a culture where baby girls got their ears pierced, and my mom had mine done when I was an infant. To me, its not a thing. What IS a thing is doing something permanent to someone else's baby deliberately behind their back when they trusted you. Cutting MIL off is absolutely the right thing to do.
My mil is Hispanic and when my eldest daughter was born, mil really really really wanted us to shave baby's head when she turned a year old. It meant a lot to her. I said no, bc my daughter had beautiful, thick hair. And my mil ... respected it! Because she's a SANE WOMAN who doesn't randomly assault children who aren't hers! Yeesh!
I don't understand why shaving a baby's head would be something someone would want.
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If you click through to Reddit and then to the OPs reddit profile, there are several updates and that MIL is out of her damn mind.
you can actually sue the store because legally the are required to confirm the adult is the parent of the minor
In the UK and Wales there is no legal age restriction for any kind of piercing. You do have to have a licence, and as a condition of that a lot of local authorities set an age limit of 16.The policy of Claire's Accessories states that all minors need a parent or legal guardian present to sign a form. So if anything, I'd assume OP can only sue the Grandmother as she lied signing that form.
Load More Replies... What in the actual fùck did I just read?!?! This woman thought it no big deal to take someone else's child and punch holes in the baby's body?!?!?! #5021 to not breed: entitled grandparents might punch holes into said child.
I looked after your dog and got holes put in it. They will never go away. You're welcome. No? Don't like it? Why is it OK with a kid then?
WTF is wrong with someone that they would think this would be okay?
ELEVEN years ago?? Seriously BP this is from ELEVEN years ago. There has to be more entertaining things to rip off from Reddit that are more recent.
And to make it even more pathetic, I already read this thread from reddit here on bored panda (sic!) some time ago...
Load More Replies...
A) that was not an apology. There was no "I'm sorry" no "I was wrong" no "I shouldn't have gone against your wishes". It was all about her feelings being hurt, and "i didn't do it to make you mad". B) She felt entitled to go against the parents stated wishes, for no other reason than she wanted to. What other wishes will she ignore, because she thinks your objections are trivial? Will she post pics/video online? Will she cut her hair as a punishment? Will she send her to bed without dinner, or spank her, or let her cry for hours unattended in the name of sleeptraining? Will she let her ride a scooter or bike without a helmet? If you cannot trust her to obey your rules when they conflict with her own wishes, how can you trust her with your child?
The 'cheap place' that pierced the baby's ears without permission from her legal guardians should be called out here too. I'd report them. (My daughter's ears were pierced when she asked to get them pierced; IIRC, she was 11yo. I firmly believe that piercings and such should not be done to a child without the child's consent.)
One aspect of this that no one is mentioning is that getting your ears pierced HURTS. The piercing gun is shooting a chunk of your ear flesh out, and it’s not like your ears are the thickness of a piece of paper. Most adults can suck it up, because they know what’s going to happen and can prepare for it. An 8 month old baby will have NO idea what’s going on, and will NOT be prepared for it. I can only imagine how much that poor baby screamed and cried during the process as it happened—-TWICE! How long did it take for her to stop crying? Bet she cried so hard she threw up. Way to go, Grandma. You had your grandchild tortured to satisfy your, what, your vanity?, your idea of how a baby girl should look or what she should wear?, what? She. Is. NOT. Your. Child! FFS!
I never understood this. What if the earrings fall out and the baby swallows them? Never seemed like a good idea. I'm all for letting the child decide when they're old enough to understand. Of course I never got mine pierced so I might be a little biased... 😁
No. It is the childs choice! And cheap jewellery can give sewere allergi for the rest of your life! I know... I got it before everybody knew...
I got my ears pierced at 5 years old and as an adult I think that was way too early. It was the one time one of my parents (divorced that same year) used one of us kids as a weapon against the other (one of them thought I was too young) because they both knew it was a f****d up thing to do. Long story short, I have one of the holes left and have never pierced anything again because all I remember is pain. Buy sticker earrings instead of piercing small children. Works magic on my nephew.
This happened to me. I love my granny ro so much but she didn't listen and got my ears pierced. It infected almost instantly and when my mom saw me my earlobes looked like they had been stung. My mom and I have tried piercings but I haven't had them done since I was 10. I'm going and getting them done again tho very soon and it will be by a professional at a tattoo and pricing shop.
I would never ever ever do something with my grandchildren without permission. This behavior is not okay. I want them to be a part of my life so I don't try to parent my grandson. My son and his wife love my grandson and are doing the best they can. I am a supporting role without rights. If I asked if I could put candy in his Easter basket. It's really not that hard to not be a dummy
I'd throw the biggest fit imaginable and would be proud of it. We were asked many times whether we would pierce our 2yo. daughter's ears and it was a flat-out NO. She is OUR child and WE made the decision not to shove a needle through a sensitive piece of skin. To have someone go behind my back and harm my child like this? I don't care if she was my actual mother; I'd cut off all contact immediately and never let her around my child ever again.
And I hope you commented that "yeah we didn't band you only you can't see Annie without one of us there, and you took her to a mall store and pierced her ears without our consent, which could have waited til she was 13. F she was a boy and we didn't circumcise would you have gone and got that done behind our backs too?" And left the chat. So rude. Poor baby. I can't stand seeing them w earrings. Too creepy.
For being closed to endangering a newborn's life, MIL got off easy by being dumped off the caretaker list. A child endangerment report would've been the bare minimum answer and if further proof is required to necessitate that, go no further than that half-baked, half-a$$ed apology MIL gave. Good on OP's husband to send the piercing news that she's not allowed to be alone with the baby.
Oooooh I'd be in jaaaaiiilll! Asssault with intent to cause bodily harm because I'd of knocked her on her @sss and kicked her few times while she was down. I mean it's not like a haircut that's gonna grow back she put holes in that little stinkbugs head! I remember getting them done for my 7th birthday and being so excited but man that freaking heart like the devil. Poor little stinkbug :(
I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 5, because my incubator suggested it and it was at a mall shop where my left ear got extremely infected after they punched right through a vein. MIL is entirely out of line in so many ways, and lost all rights to be a grandmother.
My mom only got my ears pierced when I was old enough to say I wanted to have it done. I think I was around 4? She asked if I was really, really sure, and I insisted that I wanted it done. Didn't hurt at all, luckily, and luckily I never regretted it. But ultimately, it was MY choice. An 8-month-old infant can't consent to that, or make any sort of decision. The fact that the grandmother did this despite knowing that the mother didn't want this, is a huge red flag. What else would she do behind the parents' backs? Also, freaking out about the fact that the baby is wearing 'boys' clothes is ridiculous. Back in the day, all children, up to a certain age, all wore dresses.
My question to the MIL would have been, "how would you like it if someone had taken your infant boy and had him circumcised without your permission?"
She's playing victim....sent her a FB response saying that you're sorry for the misunderstanding, that of course she's allowed to see Annie, she's just not allowed to be on her own with her, since she's disregarding your requests with regards to your daughter, and this might send mix signals to the child, you don't tell her how to live her life, she doesn't get to tell you how to live yours xx
Sorry, but that's straight up assault. I would have gone to the police and filed a report about it. And then gotten a restraining order against the MIL. You do NOT make permanent bodily changes to someone else's child without their permission!! If that was my MIL she would be cut off from my family forever. Hopefully the holes will close over. I'm betting they will since she's so young. I had holes (that I made myself LOL) close up as a teenager, so it does happen sometimes. And I was not allowed to get my ears pierced until I asked for it and proved to my mother I was mature enough to be responsible for the after care. I think I was 8 or 9 at the time.
WTF??? SUCH a betrayal of trust - and Claires is awful for piercings, too. Also, fwiw - being able to get my ears pierced at 12 was a rite of passage for me. I was SO excited about it. I would hate to have missed out on that experience.
You could move passed this (like she hopes) if she could un-pierce your baby's ears! If I were you I would never trust this woman alone with my baby again, what will she do next, tattoos?!?! 😬
Can we get stories that are not more than ten years old? I mean, that girl is probably in middle school by now!
"I'm being treated like a child abuser". Yes, you are. Because that's exactly what this is. She should be thankful the mum didn't have her arrested and charged with assault.
Right? My first thought was to reply "because you ARE a child abuser" -- and I used to have 3 holes in one ear and 2 in the other. I made that decision as an adult.
Load More Replies... I come from a culture where baby girls got their ears pierced, and my mom had mine done when I was an infant. To me, its not a thing. What IS a thing is doing something permanent to someone else's baby deliberately behind their back when they trusted you. Cutting MIL off is absolutely the right thing to do.
My mil is Hispanic and when my eldest daughter was born, mil really really really wanted us to shave baby's head when she turned a year old. It meant a lot to her. I said no, bc my daughter had beautiful, thick hair. And my mil ... respected it! Because she's a SANE WOMAN who doesn't randomly assault children who aren't hers! Yeesh!
I don't understand why shaving a baby's head would be something someone would want.
Load More Replies... If you click through to Reddit and then to the OPs reddit profile, there are several updates and that MIL is out of her damn mind.
you can actually sue the store because legally the are required to confirm the adult is the parent of the minor
In the UK and Wales there is no legal age restriction for any kind of piercing. You do have to have a licence, and as a condition of that a lot of local authorities set an age limit of 16.The policy of Claire's Accessories states that all minors need a parent or legal guardian present to sign a form. So if anything, I'd assume OP can only sue the Grandmother as she lied signing that form.
Load More Replies... What in the actual fùck did I just read?!?! This woman thought it no big deal to take someone else's child and punch holes in the baby's body?!?!?! #5021 to not breed: entitled grandparents might punch holes into said child.
I looked after your dog and got holes put in it. They will never go away. You're welcome. No? Don't like it? Why is it OK with a kid then?
WTF is wrong with someone that they would think this would be okay?
ELEVEN years ago?? Seriously BP this is from ELEVEN years ago. There has to be more entertaining things to rip off from Reddit that are more recent.
And to make it even more pathetic, I already read this thread from reddit here on bored panda (sic!) some time ago...
Load More Replies... A) that was not an apology. There was no "I'm sorry" no "I was wrong" no "I shouldn't have gone against your wishes". It was all about her feelings being hurt, and "i didn't do it to make you mad". B) She felt entitled to go against the parents stated wishes, for no other reason than she wanted to. What other wishes will she ignore, because she thinks your objections are trivial? Will she post pics/video online? Will she cut her hair as a punishment? Will she send her to bed without dinner, or spank her, or let her cry for hours unattended in the name of sleeptraining? Will she let her ride a scooter or bike without a helmet? If you cannot trust her to obey your rules when they conflict with her own wishes, how can you trust her with your child?
The 'cheap place' that pierced the baby's ears without permission from her legal guardians should be called out here too. I'd report them. (My daughter's ears were pierced when she asked to get them pierced; IIRC, she was 11yo. I firmly believe that piercings and such should not be done to a child without the child's consent.)
One aspect of this that no one is mentioning is that getting your ears pierced HURTS. The piercing gun is shooting a chunk of your ear flesh out, and it’s not like your ears are the thickness of a piece of paper. Most adults can suck it up, because they know what’s going to happen and can prepare for it. An 8 month old baby will have NO idea what’s going on, and will NOT be prepared for it. I can only imagine how much that poor baby screamed and cried during the process as it happened—-TWICE! How long did it take for her to stop crying? Bet she cried so hard she threw up. Way to go, Grandma. You had your grandchild tortured to satisfy your, what, your vanity?, your idea of how a baby girl should look or what she should wear?, what? She. Is. NOT. Your. Child! FFS!
I never understood this. What if the earrings fall out and the baby swallows them? Never seemed like a good idea. I'm all for letting the child decide when they're old enough to understand. Of course I never got mine pierced so I might be a little biased... 😁
No. It is the childs choice! And cheap jewellery can give sewere allergi for the rest of your life! I know... I got it before everybody knew...
I got my ears pierced at 5 years old and as an adult I think that was way too early. It was the one time one of my parents (divorced that same year) used one of us kids as a weapon against the other (one of them thought I was too young) because they both knew it was a f****d up thing to do. Long story short, I have one of the holes left and have never pierced anything again because all I remember is pain. Buy sticker earrings instead of piercing small children. Works magic on my nephew.
This happened to me. I love my granny ro so much but she didn't listen and got my ears pierced. It infected almost instantly and when my mom saw me my earlobes looked like they had been stung. My mom and I have tried piercings but I haven't had them done since I was 10. I'm going and getting them done again tho very soon and it will be by a professional at a tattoo and pricing shop.
I would never ever ever do something with my grandchildren without permission. This behavior is not okay. I want them to be a part of my life so I don't try to parent my grandson. My son and his wife love my grandson and are doing the best they can. I am a supporting role without rights. If I asked if I could put candy in his Easter basket. It's really not that hard to not be a dummy
I'd throw the biggest fit imaginable and would be proud of it. We were asked many times whether we would pierce our 2yo. daughter's ears and it was a flat-out NO. She is OUR child and WE made the decision not to shove a needle through a sensitive piece of skin. To have someone go behind my back and harm my child like this? I don't care if she was my actual mother; I'd cut off all contact immediately and never let her around my child ever again.
And I hope you commented that "yeah we didn't band you only you can't see Annie without one of us there, and you took her to a mall store and pierced her ears without our consent, which could have waited til she was 13. F she was a boy and we didn't circumcise would you have gone and got that done behind our backs too?" And left the chat. So rude. Poor baby. I can't stand seeing them w earrings. Too creepy.
For being closed to endangering a newborn's life, MIL got off easy by being dumped off the caretaker list. A child endangerment report would've been the bare minimum answer and if further proof is required to necessitate that, go no further than that half-baked, half-a$$ed apology MIL gave. Good on OP's husband to send the piercing news that she's not allowed to be alone with the baby.
Oooooh I'd be in jaaaaiiilll! Asssault with intent to cause bodily harm because I'd of knocked her on her @sss and kicked her few times while she was down. I mean it's not like a haircut that's gonna grow back she put holes in that little stinkbugs head! I remember getting them done for my 7th birthday and being so excited but man that freaking heart like the devil. Poor little stinkbug :(
I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 5, because my incubator suggested it and it was at a mall shop where my left ear got extremely infected after they punched right through a vein. MIL is entirely out of line in so many ways, and lost all rights to be a grandmother.
My mom only got my ears pierced when I was old enough to say I wanted to have it done. I think I was around 4? She asked if I was really, really sure, and I insisted that I wanted it done. Didn't hurt at all, luckily, and luckily I never regretted it. But ultimately, it was MY choice. An 8-month-old infant can't consent to that, or make any sort of decision. The fact that the grandmother did this despite knowing that the mother didn't want this, is a huge red flag. What else would she do behind the parents' backs? Also, freaking out about the fact that the baby is wearing 'boys' clothes is ridiculous. Back in the day, all children, up to a certain age, all wore dresses.
My question to the MIL would have been, "how would you like it if someone had taken your infant boy and had him circumcised without your permission?"
She's playing victim....sent her a FB response saying that you're sorry for the misunderstanding, that of course she's allowed to see Annie, she's just not allowed to be on her own with her, since she's disregarding your requests with regards to your daughter, and this might send mix signals to the child, you don't tell her how to live her life, she doesn't get to tell you how to live yours xx
Sorry, but that's straight up assault. I would have gone to the police and filed a report about it. And then gotten a restraining order against the MIL. You do NOT make permanent bodily changes to someone else's child without their permission!! If that was my MIL she would be cut off from my family forever. Hopefully the holes will close over. I'm betting they will since she's so young. I had holes (that I made myself LOL) close up as a teenager, so it does happen sometimes. And I was not allowed to get my ears pierced until I asked for it and proved to my mother I was mature enough to be responsible for the after care. I think I was 8 or 9 at the time.
WTF??? SUCH a betrayal of trust - and Claires is awful for piercings, too. Also, fwiw - being able to get my ears pierced at 12 was a rite of passage for me. I was SO excited about it. I would hate to have missed out on that experience.
You could move passed this (like she hopes) if she could un-pierce your baby's ears! If I were you I would never trust this woman alone with my baby again, what will she do next, tattoos?!?! 😬
Can we get stories that are not more than ten years old? I mean, that girl is probably in middle school by now!
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