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Masculinity can be healthy and wholesome, not just toxic and destructive. It is genuinely heartwarming when you see men have each other’s backs through thick and thin. We call these subtle supportive behaviors, unwritten rules, and male etiquette the ‘bro code.’
Men revealed the biggest ‘bro code’ rules they live by, including many that you may not have heard about, in a fascinatingly open and honest online thread. We’re bringing you the most interesting ones that show how loyal, brotherly, and honorable men can be when it counts.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Article 22: There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a bro
Women make excellent bros.
Michael Largey 45 minutes ago
A male colleague of mine had a female friend for years he thought of as a bro, and they called each other that. They fell out over the role he would play at her wedding. He wanted to be a guest, but she had him in mind as the groom. Awkward.
RELATED:
#2
I once went over to a buddy's house to help him pack up and move out after his wife ended her life. She was a 911 operator and struggled with depression for a long time.
My wife could not understand how we spent probably 6 hours together and I never asked one question about her, what happened, why, or how he was doing. We just hung out and joked, laughed, and got things done.
Bro code is since he isn't bringing it up, he's probably not ready to talk about it. Whether that's actually healthy or not is another matter.
Michael Largey 44 minutes ago
Presence is a form of communication - sometimes one of the best.
#3
If you borrow a tool, return it in better condition than you got it. Even a hammer, give that thing a scrub with a cloth and make it shiny.
Chainsaw? Put some fuel in it and remove any saw dust that has collected.
And if you break it or lose it, you buy a new one but one class better and return that.
Niels AirMax 1 hour ago
Yep. Actually...you don't borrow tools, you borrow the guy. With his tools. 😊
To be fair, the so-called ‘bro code,’ a loose set of guidelines for men interacting with other men, can be wholesome or toxic, depending on how it is used. For example, men who support their family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers when they are struggling with their mental health or a personal crisis should be applauded. However, men who protect each other when it comes to unethical behavior like cheating, lying, violence, etc., are making things worse for everyone, including themselves.
In a nutshell, the ‘bro code’ can be used by men to be brotherly, loyal, honorable, and empathetic. And yet, that same unwritten code can be misused to promote corruption, selfishness, and manipulation.
#4
One time my bro split up with his gf and i visited him and i asked only one question. "do you want to talk about it or we just play [insert favorite game here]?". we played tekken for 3 hours straight. on the way out he turned to me and just said "thanks man". That's all he needed.
#5
If a friend shows deep emotion then listen, look after them and never speak of it again.
Melodic-Internet-489:
It is the ultimate form of unspoken loyalty to be the safe vault where your friend can completely break down without ever having to worry about facing the shame of it the next day.
#6
Had a friend pass away unexpectedly. Another friend broke into his apt and spent hours cleaning [adult content] off his hard drive/deleting his search history so the guy’s mom would never see it. That’s bro code.
The issue is not masculinity in itself. The issue is when it is taken to the extreme and becomes harmful to both the men who embody those traits and the people around them. In other words, toxic masculinity is an unbalanced sliver of masculinity, where aggression, toughness, strength, competitiveness, emotional unavailability, and risky behavior are dialed up to the max.
What’s more, toxic men tend to be very promiscuous while also criticizing women for behaving the same way as them. Moreover, they tend to avoid housework, cooking, and childcare, as they see them as ‘unmanly’ instead of basic things that every functioning member of society should be able to do.
Toxic masculinity is a core reason why some men will refuse to see a doctor when their health is failing or a mental health specialist when they are struggling. They believe that they should never show any weakness, ever.
#7
Even though my best buddy and i are deeply connected, he does not ask me about the scars on my body, its obvious i did it myself, but i think he believes that if i dont mention it myself, i dont want to speak about it. Even though he must be curious about it, he hasnt asked me in 11 years.
#8
When helping on a project, like drywall or building a birdhouse or whatever, the home owner or renter, or the progenitor of the project, is always deferred to.
If there's cool sawing to be done, precise drilling, hanging, leveling, etc, it's the progenitor that does it. You're there to help. You hold the ladder. You grab the other end of the board as it comes off the table saw. You make sure he has the tools he needs when he needs them.
I don't know that I've ever had to explain this or had it explained to me, but the hierarchy exists and is obeyed 99% of the time.
Paul C 6 hours ago
That depends - artistic decisions always defer to the owner, but technical ones should be for the one who knows the most about whatever the work is. I don't take my car to the garage and tell them how to service it, though I do have the ultimate say in which tyres get put on etc.
#9
If a strange guy comes up to you at a bar and looks scared or worried, you immediately pretend like they're your friend and protect them from the creepy girl who's harassing them.
However, there exists a healthy version of masculinity that is the opposite of toxic masculinity that is being promoted by some male influencers and social media gurus.
According to the BBC, some of the main healthy masculine traits are:
- Authenticity
- Confidence
- Kindness
- Strength
- Intelligence
- Supportive and encouraging behavior
- Honesty about how you feel
- Being aware of your emotions and those of other people
“Being a boy or a man doesn't mean you need to be defined by or have all of these traits. You should also never feel like you have to follow a set of rules or viewpoints that can hurt you or other people,” the BBC writes.
#10
Ignore her advances if she came with someone else. I had a childhood friend meet up in Vegas once and he brought this girl he was trying to wife up. She got drunk and said she wanted to "sleep with me" and then kept saying it. Out loud. Over 2 days. It made things awkward between me and my friend and for some reason he acted like I was the problem.
He stopped talking to me for like 10 years. We finally got to taking recently and the subject came up. I explained to him that he was a childhood friend and if he brought her, he was obviously interested in her. Taking her advances was both a big betrayal to him and against my ethics.
She was smoking hot. Way hotter than anyone who's shown interest in me in my entire life. Even until today. And I chose friendship.
#11
If you borrow another man's car, you return it with a full tank, no exceptions, and regardless of how much it had in there when he lent it to you, yes, even it was a quarter of a tank.
#12
I like to fix things it’s kind of my hobby and I’m known for this among my group.
Wives like to talk about stuff being broken because they think I can help and 9 out of 10 times I probably could do it and only take like an hour. Busted lamp? Easy. Kids scooter not working, I can handle it.
Except. I can’t do it if the husband/guy doesn’t ask me to. He has first right of refusal.
My friend has had a broken golf cart for THREE YEARS and I’ve fixed mine more than once in that time (even when it “fell in the pond” [don’t ask I can’t tell]) and converted it to lithium myself. But I can’t help him until he asks me. As much as it pains me to let him suffer. It would be disrespectful to do it for him and imply that he’s unable.
What are some ‘bro code’ or any other unwritten code rules that you follow to support your friends, family, and the other people close to you in your life? What values should everyone embody?
From your perspective, realistically speaking, what can all men do to embrace healthy masculinity and avoid the more toxic aspects of ‘bro culture’? How can men have each other’s backs when they are in the middle of a serious personal crisis?
Share your thoughts, opinions, and experiences in the comments below. And remember to reach out to the people you love today to let them know that you’re there for them. We can all use that small reminder that someone’s silently looking out for us.
#13
Bro code is exactly the same as girl code.
It's ultimately just "friend code".
Vouching/covering for someone so they don't get in trouble.
It onky really works as a way to give the person your covering, more time so that they can deal with an issue on their terms..
#14
If we haven't talked in a long time, all is good and we're still friends.
David 3 hours ago
yup, one of my best friends, we talk maybe 2 or 3 times a year in person, and text maybe once a month. But this dude and I have been through a lot together over the years, but as we got older, we both got our own lives, but we are still as tight as ever. And if either of us needed the other, we would drop what we are doing and drive 200+ miles to where the other one is to help out
#15
1) you can't date his little sister unless you get his approval. Yeah, it's sexist as hell. But a big brother protects his kid sister from creeps like his best friends. Likewise, you're not supposed to date his ex.
2) if he offers you a beer, you can't complain about the brand. Free beer is good beer.
Jonas Fisher 1 hour ago
Codicil to #2: You can complain about it if you drink it. "This s**t is awful Frank!" glug glug
#16
If you see a guy with their fly open, even if it's a stranger on the street, you discreetly tell them.
#17
Idk if women know this or not but sometimes we insult each other and it means you’re good friends bc you can call each other insults and laugh about it.
#18
Happened to me on Wednesday:
If you see a guy on a date in the gym, talk up his lifts so she can hear it.
Shout out that guy for asking if I was a powerlifter seeing the weight on the bar for deadlifts!
(The date went well!).
#19
In public restrooms, go to the urinal that is furthest away from any other occupied urinal. Do not stand next to another man at a urinal when there are other urinals or toilet stalls available.
UnclePanda 2 hours ago
Using the same rule, if you're feeling contrary, use the middle of three and listen to guys skid to a halt in momentary indecision.
#20
I was watching A Man on the Inside and there was a scene where Max Greenfield's character went up to a urinal and dropped his pants to his ankles. I started lauging because it was just so random and ridiculous. My wife didn't get it. I tried explaining to her that you just don't drop your pants to your ankles at a urinal, at least not past 2nd grade. It's against the code. You pull the front of the pants/underwear down just enough to get the dude out and do your business. She had absolutely no idea about urinal code.
#21
My cousin passed away (who i did not see for a long time) in a horrible accident. My uncle asked me to hack his computer so his wife could accès some crucial information .
Found out he had been cheating on his wife and his mistress had been worried sick in his e-mail.
I informed her of the unfortunate situation and deleted all evidence cause his wife and kids deserve a clean memory of him.
#22
If your bro complains about his wife then your wife will NEVER know it.
#23
My brother b**t dialed his gf, and left a detailed message about what he would do to her best friend if given the chance. When she played the voicemail, it was unanimous that that was me, and for years I tried her friend, for the ruse. No matter who she ever played that voicemail for, that was me. They’re happily married and she still asks how I feel about her friend, the lie never dies.
#25
If you're having a fun time out with a group of buddies, you don't talk deep stuff. But that comes naturally so there's usually no need to enforce that.
"Hey babe, how was the weekend with bros? How's X's wife and kids? Did his dad get rid of the cancer?"
- Uuuh... No idea. He just bought a new driver though. 800 bucks, can you believe it?
#26
Don't share details of your partner's body or performance. Talk about yours all you want, but have respect for the woman.
Karl 6 hours ago (edited)
In one job I did years ago, I was the only man on a team of 15 women. I was shocked at the intimate and personal information about their husbands/boyfriends they were prepared to discuss and laugh about for general consumption. I've never heard male friends be so disrespectful of their partners and I was very glad I wasn't in a relationship with any of these women.
#27
If a beef devolves to a physical altercation the beef is formally absolved at the end of the fight and shall not be spoken of again. Once and done.
Peter Bear 1 hour ago
The Fight is a sacred act of male friendship. If it ends with the two of you dusting each other off and going out for beers, so much the better.
#28
If a bro who doesn’t usually bring beer does bring beer we’re drinking that first no matter what it is.
#29
What's said while drunk is sacred.
Paul C 5 hours ago
Agreed, if it is just embarrassing to the person who said it (or even anyone else would be embarrassed). But if it was an admission that an innocent party has been or will be hurt / disadvantaged from it, then no, you do something about that. Doing the Right Thing trumps Bro Code.
#30
Thou shalt not get mad at a bro for cancelling on any plans at short notice if the reason for cancelling is him going on a date, especially if he doesn't get dates often.
Thou shalt not get mad at a bro for giving you negative feedback rudely if they have already tried to be polite and it hasn't gotten the point across.
Peter Bear 1 hour ago
Thou shalt not get mad at a bro for SO Aggro, regardless of the nature of said aggro. The SO comes first.
#31
Your friend is telling a story and gets a small detail wrong, you quietly let it slide unless it actually matters. Correcting him in front of everyone is usually considered a foul.
#33
You don’t beep or act up on the road while the bin men/rubbish collectors are working. They’re doing a tough job that you probably wouldn’t do. You politely wait in your car behind their truck while they empty the bins or whatever and wait until they wave you to go through. Then you wave back and go.
#34
Never mock a friend’s quiet vulnerabilities in front of others.If a buddy opens up about heartbreak, anxiety or failure in private, you never tease or reference that sensitive moment in group settings or around women to get laughs; private struggles stay private outside your one-on-one chat.
#35
If you date an ex, ask permission and TREAT HER WELL. Its against the bro code but if you do cross that line, do not disrespect her. Most men have positive opinions of most their Exes. So do not mistreat her.
#36
If bro has a heart attack at the gym, up the weight, THEN call for help.
Shem44:
I actually witnessed this in the wild. Dude passed out doing squats and his buddy was spotting him. Buddy called for help and while everyone was distracted trying to help dude, buddy quietly added more weight to the bar.
#37
If you got beef, squash it fast. Don't sit on that unless a bro has acknowledged "I don't wanna discuss this right now, we'll talk later when I've gathered my thoughts without losing my it.".
#38
When a bro leaves his girlfriend with you for some reason (went to the bathroom, get a drink, whatever) you are honor-bound to keep an eye out for her safety.
#39
Everybody's got their own bro code but for me it's don't date whomever your bro dated without permission. And asking permission when it's fresh is a no.
#40
If a friend is getting with someone and you've got history with that person, you tell him before he finds out from someone else. Every time.
#41
The Pact.
I've had to explain this to my wife multiple times. Basically The Pact is the understanding between bros that if one bro says, "hey, come smell this", you always go. This is done because both bros assume that you will be able to find something even more heinous smelling later, and you'll want your bro to come smell it.
I'm frankly fine with including women in The Pact, as long as they are willing to commit to the infinite game.
I never smell stuff my wife asks me too, because she has explicitly refused The Pact.
A girl 7 hours ago
I can't speak for everyone but if I ask my husband to smell something, its usually pleasant. Crushed fresh basil, fresh mowed grass, wind after a stirm passes.. He doesn't ask me to smell things so much as asks me "What is that smell" with a pucker face. Usual suspects for pucker face are mold, skunk, decomposing garbage, hot tar, and pork gas.
#42
Honestly? If a bro takes a call with the wife/gf/SO and is obviously lying (to us) about where they're at (bro says he's stuck at work vs at the bar)? You either make up a possible background noise to sell it (big deadline due tonight? Become a coworker needing something the bro has) or just keep silent.
We're bros, it's not our fault he's lying, but we're not gonna sell him out. He gets a divorce/break up from it? Move on. Subconsciously, we know there were issues and we knew it would be the likely outcome, but we can't fix it at that point so commensurate the time they had together and try to get him to forget his troubles for an evening.
#43
If a buddy calls dibs on a girl you sit back and wait until he gets shot down. You don't compete with him or you will absolutely ruin a friendship.
#47
NO NO NO, this is like that time women found out we try to time the toilet flush with the exact end of our p**s stream - That was classified f*****g information. Deep cover assets were blown. Lives were ruined. Robert Ludlum is back writing a book about it.
#48
That nobody actually enforces bro code. guys just think "hmmm i wont trust that guy with info, or around me again...." girls enforce girl code through mental warfare and social exclusion.
Peter Bear 1 hour ago
Dude. You violate bro code, guys will absolutely let you know about it, right there on the spot.
#49
When you ask a man for help with anything that includes manual labor, you pay him in beer.
#51
The only code my bro and I have is if the cops come, scatter in different directions and meet later at the specified rendezvous point.
#52
Chin upwards nod means "sup"
Forehead downwards nod means "respectful sup".
BookFanatic 54 minutes ago
Lol My ex did that all the time. I finally asked him if it was some sort of "secret guy" thing. He said yes and moved on.
#53
If you and a bro get drunk and end up doing some gay stuff, the rule is you can never talk about it. That way, it didn’t happen. Bro’s on here will deny this ever happened to them. But that’s the code.
Peter Bear 1 hour ago
Yeah sorry, but this one's against modern Bro Code. If gay stuff happens, it happens. You acknowledge it, figure out where (if anywhere) it goes from there, and move on.
#54
If they look at you, name an object, clap once, and hold their hands ready... you toss them the object immediately if you're holding it or if it's within reach. Works for ball, beer, controller, wallet, a knife, your newborn child...
#56
When you pass another dude you give him the nod to acknowledge bro's existence. Head up nod is what's up bro? Head down nod is okay dude I see you and respect your bro-ness but I don't really know you.
#57
Never use the urinal right next to another man if you can instead leave a gap urinal between you.
#58
If a group of guys are hitting on a group of girls, there's a strong possibility that at least 1 guy is taking one for the team.
#60
It is common bro code to always leave a urinal space between each other.
To go to the urinal immediately next to someone is accepted but only if there's no other urinal to move to.
#61
You don’t ask a guy about a situation that can’t be fixed. You don’t pry an admission of futility from a guy. He’ll handle it, or he’ll ask first.
#62
I feel like women think the bro code is like “if your boy cheats on his girlfriend say nothing” but actually it’s “don’t use the urinal right next to another guy”.
#64
If they are brokenhearted or low, and they walk off by themselves towards the woods with a bottle of liquor. You follow.
#66
Perhaps women know this, but if you d*e unexpectedly like a friend of mine did years ago, we will clean all of the pornography off of your computer before it goes to your family.
#67
Women obviously know about a lot of these (and a lot of them are dumb/sad!), but I think one women would be surprised by is how quiet the men's room is. I certainly experienced the opposite whiplash after I transitioned and my wife continued a conversation while we were in separate stalls at full volume, like we were standing next to each other. I cannot imagine that ever happening in a men's room.
#68
If your friend likes a girl and you’re both next to her, he’s the funniest guy you’ve ever met.
#69
NEVER and I mean NEVER tell another soul about another man's search history. Keep it to yourself.
#71
Don't s**t talk your Bro's GF/wife/partner. If your Bro doing some minor griping about their GF, you tell them a minor gripe about your GF. This griping will never be mentioned to either GF. The only time s**t talk is allowable is after they break up and Bro needs to vent. Then you can vent with them knowing the relationship is over. But if they are still working things through, you don't say a word.
Don't repeat something your Bro told you in confidence to anyone. Same as the griping. If your Bro opens up about anything they wouldn't normally share, it is treated like a state secret to never be shared. Not with anyone he knows, not with your GF, not with other Bros.
If a Bro asks for help on something that involves manual labor, Bro should provide cold beverages during the task and food after the task is complete. If a Bro has helped you with manual labor in the past, you must help them.
If Bro is hosting a get together, you offer to bring something. Snacks, beer, side dish, etc. Always thank Bro for hosting at the conclusion of the event.
Bro time may seem like it's just goofing around or playing games, but Bro time is a crucial part of mental health upkeep for Bros. It's one of the few times Bros can be honest and open without fear of judgement. If Bro has stress from work, family, GF, whatever, then Bro Time is when they decompress and relax.
A wife/partner/GF that respects Bro time and Bro relationship is a keeper and will be treated with respect. Wife/partner/GF that calls Bro time immature or tries to diminish is a Red Flag.
If a former Bro returns after breaking up with a Red Flag wife/partner/GF then you welcome them back. But s**t talk is allowed about Red Flag under the post Breakup rules.
Understand that Bro Code does not endorse or tolerate a*****e, controlling, or s****y behavior outside of Bro group. Bros should treat everyone with a basic level of courtesy and respect. If you see your Bro acting in an unacceptable manner, you confront them with, "What the hell, Bro?" If Bro continues unacceptable behavior, Bro can and will lose Bro status and just be a POS.
Standards for unacceptable behavior may not match wife/partner/GF standards. If Bro needs alibi because wife/partner/GF is insecure, jealous, or controlling, you back Bro up. If Bro is wanting to actively deceive wife/partner/GF for cheating or blatant disrespect, you explain that's out of bounds and it makes you uncomfortable and refuse.
Bro should never ask another Bro to do something they are not comfortable with.
A Bro's work, family, relationship should be respected by other Bros.
Overall the Bro Code is not misogynistic. While "Bros before Hoes" does use an unflattering term, that's just to make a memorable rhyme. But it means that long term, deep friendships should be valued and not tossed aside in pursuit of getting laid.
#72
Just buy the book by Barney Stinson. They are all written down. Also, get the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. That's a good read for acquiring profit.
#73
Never take a hat off another mans head.
#75
Bro code rule 1
"Im fine bro"
"I hear you bro, rage room fine? Strip club fine? Or church fine?
I am fine as a man is the code for all s**t has broken loose and i will handle it but it just s***s. I dont need help, but i just wish i wasnt fine.
#82
If you are fighting another man, even if you hate him, even if you are fighting to the d***h, but during the course of the fight you both accidentally end up in a basement s*x dungeon, and you manage to get free but your opponent does not, you are honour bound by bro code to rescue him from being brutally r***d.
#84
When greeting a fellow bro as he approaches, nod head down for a formal greeting and nod head up for an informal greeting.
#85
Hangouts or boys trips are not the place to talk about deep or emotional things. The time and place for that happens naturally.
If a bros family member died, or he and his girl broke up etc… you don’t mention it and don’t ask how they’re doing
We are hanging out to have fun, and he definitely is using it as an escape to take his mind off of whatever else is going on, bringing it up completely shatters that bubble of normalcy that they desperately need right now.
If he does want to talk about it, then he will say something about it, usually at 3 am, while hammered. You listen, build him back up to a point where he can enjoy the rest of the night or trip, and never, ever, mention that conversation again.
#86
If your buddy ever asks you “didn’t we go to the movies on Saturday night”? The answer is always yes! Any question that begins with “didn’t we” either in front of others, or on the phone, always gets a yes….
#87
If you call asking where he is, he's always with me. He just can't talk rn cause he's in the bathroom or passed out drunk.
#89
There is no bro code. It just gets pushed by manipulative men who try to grasp at straws to control others and get naive men to side with them over a woman using a sexist premise.
The same kind of men who try to invoke the bro code, would never honour it themselves.
That's a lesson I had to learn over and over in my youth before it stuck.
The examples in the comments are just examples of people being good friends and not some universal thing between men.
#90
The real bro code is just emotional avoidance with extra steps, change my mind. all these 'rules' about not texting first or whatever are just dudes trying to outsource vulnerability to a system, its kind of sad tbh. like i watched my roommate spiral for weeks bc his 'bro' wouldnt talk about actual feelings, just kept buying him beers instead.
#93
When you and your bros are meeting up to relax, tea and biscuits are a must.
#98
*A bro never divulges the existence of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason*. *No, not even* ***that*** *reason.*.
#105
When you p**s at a urinal you have to leave your hands at your side and look up at the ceiling. Depending on the vibe in the bathroom, you can do short gyrations with your hips while pissing but it’s subjective how wide of a gyration…also if using a toilet/stall you must make the comment of how cold the water is….
#108
I like how the comments just reinforce everything women already knew about males; that they’re bad people .
#110
If a guy can't get an erection to pee in the urinal the guy in the neighbouring urinals will help him hold it straight so the pee can come out properly.
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What do you think ?
London Paris 11 hours ago
I think this "code" is the primary reason why 'men' cant, wont or refuse to actually talk to each other. F*** the "code": be a better friend instead.
JellyBean 8 hours ago
Compared to my male friends so many of these are such "alpha" themed things too. I can tell you now, if my male friend had a heart attack, the last thing the rest would be worried about would be "adding extra weights" to make him seem more macho.
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London Paris 11 hours ago
I think this "code" is the primary reason why 'men' cant, wont or refuse to actually talk to each other. F*** the "code": be a better friend instead.
JellyBean 8 hours ago
Compared to my male friends so many of these are such "alpha" themed things too. I can tell you now, if my male friend had a heart attack, the last thing the rest would be worried about would be "adding extra weights" to make him seem more macho.
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