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“I Let It Slide At First”: 47 Men Get Brutally Honest About Their Biggest Dating Turn-Offs
Dating as a single person can be tough. There will be times when misses happen more often than hits with those you meet. You encounter people who aren’t a good fit, either because they didn’t meet your standards or because they raised one of your red flags.
For this list, we’re focusing on the latter reason. A Reddit thread from a while back drew a flood of responses from men about their biggest dating dealbreakers. Some of them touched on the usuals, such as judgmental behavior and inciting drama. Others were more shallow with their answers.
Gents, if you want to join in on the conversation, feel free to do so in the comment boxes below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When they're rude to dining staff and other customer service people (but usually dining staff), it's a HUGE turnoff for me.
RELATED:
#2
Someone who needs to tear others down in order to feel good about herself.
Emilu 1 day ago
Coincidentally, I just came from the post where the OP's wife tried to make OP out to be some incompetent fool who couldn't manage a household without her. I'm a woman but this would be a massive deal-breaker for me. You're meant to build up the ones you love, not tear them down.
#3
An inability to have a conversation.
I can't tell you how many times I have done all the talking on the date. I try to ask questions and am met with three word responses. "It's alright", "Yea, its a job" etc.
#4
Playing mind games / doing tests, etc.
I have absolutely zero tolerance towards those. If I spot a potential candidate doing that, I immediately lose a lot of respect towards him/her and become suspicious. The second time I see him/her trying to pull off some kind of similar stuff, it's time for goodbyes.
I'm looking for someone trustworthy and with whom I can be at ease. Not someone who tries to provoke a fight every day.
#5
People who don't communicate problems they have. Biggest example for me are people who don't like me doing something but don't tell me and the only way I find out is a few months later when they flip their stuff about it, like they bottled their problem up and finally let loose.
For example I had an ex who hated it when I kissed their neck. Never said a word to me, but looked uncomfortable sometimes, I'd ask what's wrong and they would say nothing... About three months later they went batshit on me for it. I never knew. They never told me.
Bottom line is, us guys aren't telepathic, if we are doing something you don't like, tell us!
#7
If she likes to post every little detail on social media.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 day ago
I have social media mainly for marketplace etc and for news. I always see people posting every day about every little thing and don't even start with the security risk of people always knowing where you are or what you're doing.
#8
When she calls you stupid. Hurts really bad. I didn't grow up the smartest kid, but I successfully graduated high school with a 2.9. My father always brought me down, calling me stupid, and when a girl says I'm stupid, dumb, etc, it just really breaks me down.
fly on the wall 1 day ago
W ords live in our minds much longer than physical injuries ( not that they are OK either)
#9
Refusing to ever be wrong. Lying. Not appreciating things done specifically for them. Trying to make me jealous (I won't be, be with me or not, her choice.) Being lazy, boring, and unintelligent.
#10
Non stop checking of the phone. I don't mind it here and there, take a call if it's important, but if I never have your attention then it's a problem.
Tobias Reaper 1 day ago
I had a female friend who did this we would hand out go for lunch or coffee and she would constantly be on her phone i stopped hanging out with her because of it.
#11
Having no interest in anything. I don't care if you love makeup and talk to me for hours about it, but seeing someone be so passionate about something is amazing. I love movies and could talk about my favorites for hours. I just want to see an interest in what makes you, you.
StrangeOne 19 hours ago
Not every man is the same, but it's always good to find a guy who is genuinely interested in your interests, no matter how feminine it is. My ex not only hated nail polish, he got pissed off every time I painted my nails. (He smoked cigs and weed, btw, so he had no reason to complain.) My current bf tells me my nail art is gorgeous. When I mention I have a nail appt. but forget to show him what I got done, he tells me "Hun, didn't you say you went and got your nails done. You didn't show me yet." I love that. It is mutual with us. It's not something he actively gets into without me. Just like I only like watching his gameplay but no one else.
#12
Clinginess. Personal space & time is necessary.
Emilu 1 day ago
I got dumped by an ex because "I was too focused on my uni studies". He'd invite himself over whilst I was studying (I prefer studying in quiet, but fine, whatever) and game (not so fine; I wanna join!) and then complain about being hungry or whatever and apparently didn't know how to feed himself. Then I was the AH because I wasn't attentive enough to him. TL;DR -- clinginess is not attractive in anybody. Don't be that person.
#13
Excessive neediness. If you constantly demand that I drop everything to cater to your wants, regardless of my needs; then I demand that you GTFO.
#14
Women who carry 'purse dogs' around.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 day ago
I assume it's a small dog that can fit in a purse and be carried everywhere...I wouldn't say it's a huge no unless it enters into weird territory.
#15
Judges me for my interests.
#16
These are basically memes at the moment but they still apply,
* if you want something you have to ask, but make sure you know roughly what you want. I don't want to suggest ten different films/restaurants/activities while getting the "not that one but you still pick" answer
* don't play the "its's fine" card, I used to care enough to find out what is wrong but now I just play video games and let you stew in your own bitterness
* as an extension of the above don't jokingly pretend things aren't fine because I get confused and ignore you when it actually isn't fine. Imagine you'd trained a dog to sit on command and rewarded it with treats, then one day you thought it would be funny to hit the dog whenever it sat, don't then act all confused when the dog won't sit anymore
* learn how to enjoy yourself without me, I have my hobbies and you need yours. I play sports twice a week and want to dedicate a full evening to my painting too, find something to do yourself because it isn't my fault you're bored.
Emilu 1 day ago
Nothing is more attractive than someone that loves you but also has their own life outside of you. I don't care how 'basic' that life is (whether it's just vegging on the couch and watching Netflix, hanging with your friends, or curing all of life's miserable diseases/maladies), just don't make me the planet around which you orbit.
#17
Even the slightest hint of infidelity.
I don't put up with cheating, I don't cheat. Emotional cheating, physical cheating, all of it.
The difference here though is not me making rules about infidelity, but the girl I'm with needs to WANT TO and be okay with saying 'sorry I'm taken' when asked for her number, she has to want to not engage in old flings (unless it's occasional and totally platonic).
It's a whole attitude that she won't cheat, and this all comes from them being ready to accept a serious relationship.
#18
Me: "What do you want to do?" Her: "I don't know. You decide."
I'm not sure there's a bigger turn-off to me than this. Even if she doesn't know, but at least offers something that moves a discussion forward. I have been tempted a few times to get up and leave when I get this response. I'm all for doing things the other person likes/wants to make that other person happy. But this response always seems so passive and lazy.
#19
Single. Mother.
I'm Child Free and I did not date anybody with kids. It wouldn't be fair to the kids or their mother.
This worked out in my favour as I used to live in an oil town with lots of young single moms looking for daddy/bill paying support.
#21
They want or have children. I don't take stress well, and I don't really want to deal with children. Only two people I've ever met in thirty years have had children that I liked, so if you have or want children, I don't want to go on a date with you.
Charlotte Ingle 1 day ago
Agreed that this is a "no compromise" situation. You can't have kids but keep them in the garage
#22
Can't peel your face off your phone? Welp, Cya!!
Seriously, social media rots your brain.
#23
Can't spell. This is generally a good gauge of many other things. Probably don't read very well either. Big turn off.
The only other thing I can think of that isn't too specific is when a woman sets expectations very high. Having high hopes and expecting someone you just met to fit a mold cast in your mind are two different things. The point of dating is to meet someone you don't know and see if they could add to your life. Trying to dictate who and how they will be isn't realistic.
#24
Careless driving or interrupting people while they speak are both on the short list.
#25
The expectation of a free meal, especially after the first date or two.
#26
I can't stand when a girl can't hold a conversation or doesn't ever have anything interesting to say. If I have to carry literally every conversation we have, I'm out.
StrangeOne 19 hours ago
Some days are going to be like that, though. A good indicator you're comfortable with someone is to be comfortable with being silent around each other. Just feeling the vibes and chilling. Maybe not frequently, but sometimes there's just not much to talk about that isn't going on about your daily itinerary.
#27
Getting serious too quickly. If you call me your boyfriend after just one or two dates I'm jumping ship.
Aileen Grist 1 day ago
I met my (now) husband on Monday - saw him again on Wednesday - met his kids on Saturday and that was it I've never been without him since. We met and married in exactly 4 months - we're in our 35th Year.
#28
Bad breath. They're talking to me, telling me their current relationship isn't working out, and it will be over soon. I have a friend caught in that right now. he met a girl at the pool at his apartment complex. She flirted with him, they exchanged numbers, and he found out she has a boyfriend. However, at the same time, she is trying to hook up with my friend and telling him she wants to date him, claiming it isn't working out with her current boyfriend.
I told him not to fall for that. Because if one thing goes wrong if she breaks up with her b/f and the two of you date, she'll do the same exact thing to you, meet another guy and tell him it isn't working out with you and go behind your back and cheat.
#29
When they won't turn up with any interest in you.
When you ask them how they've been and all they do is reply and then go on without ever asking you anything.
That is the biggest turn off for me. Because men too need someone who shows interest in them and asks them how they have been.
#30
If someone seems unsure about dating me, I want to be with someone who is positive they want to be with me too. Someone who you have to convince or win over just isn't worth it.
#32
A woman with no ambition. If you've got no goals for your life my goal is to avoid you.
#33
Leaving the TV on as background
It's hard to make eye contact when the woman is constantly distracted by her programmes.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 day ago
Like as white noise? Cause that's cool. I don't fully understand this one.
#34
Dishonesty, severe over the top drama, overbearing jealousy and/or suspicion. I don't list cheating as I'm in a poly relationship with 2 different ladies, but as long as everyone keeps me updated on who they are seeing, we're good.
#35
Disproportionate effort.
StrangeOne 18 hours ago
There is always give and take, but it's normal to have proportions fluctuate. I consider it unhealthy to keep tally of who puts in more effort than the other. If I feel I'm putting in too much effort that I'm beginning to feel resentment, then I know it's on me to take a step back, slow down and then I tell my bf how I'm feeling. Sometimes he misunderstands, and I have to emphasize on details, but that's just practicing good communication. If I feel I need him to step up, I tell him. If it's an ongoing issue, I have to reflect why I feel that way and if I'm being unreasonable or if I have a valid point. I have to communicate with my own mind, too, so I'm not just spewing out issues out of my head that aren't well-thought through. Sometimes how I'm feeling about something is partially influenced by other's opinions, and then I have to figure out if it's really as bad as I'm making it out to be.
#37
When she says I don't have any girlfriends.
#38
Not having a hobby. You have no idea how many first dates I've heard "drunk, watch TV, hang with friends, shop" when asked what they like to do. I'm not attracted to cliches, and without a hobby, us dating is just me entertaining you.
T MB83 1 day ago
The hobby thing is lame, like a lot of people work long hours, maybe on the weekend they just want to relax and hang out with people, catch up with family, take their dog to the park, go on little day trips etc, they don't need to be involved in wood whittling and playing pickleball.
#39
One woman bragged to me about all the great jobs she got by lying on her resume.
#40
Lots of good ones so far.
Girls that need constant re-assurance for everything and have or pretend to have no self confidence.
#41
Me: So what do you like to do in your free time?
Her: Take naps... Sleep is my life.
Why would you say that on a first date??
#42
A girl that can't deny your properly and leads you on to give you false hope, because they get reward out of flirting, So using you for attention.
#43
An annoying laugh.
There is a good reason why hyenas only mate once a year.
KatSaidThat 1 day ago
My friend has the most amazing, infectious laugh. Never fail to smile hearing it. I can mimic Jimmy Carr's laugh - I'm not proud.
#44
Bad teeth.
KatSaidThat 1 day ago
This is not always their fault though and dentistry is pretty expensive. If it's bad dental hygiene, all day long - but it took years to fix up my mouth.
#45
Feminists with double standards. They're really just being self-entitled.
#47
Low credit score.
KatSaidThat 1 day ago
Circumstantial. Sometimes life throws a brick at you that puts you in debt that is hard to recover from. I'd say bad with money more than low credit.
What do you think ?
Auntriarch 1 day ago
It's good to know what you want and what you definitely don't. That's what dating is for.
Doctor Strange 1 day ago
Treating me like a backup option. As in, they couldn't get what they really wanted, so they'll settle for me. For example, met a girl on a dating site. We talked for a while, and I had specifically mentioned that I wasn't looking to move. Not that I needed to stay in the exact house I'm in now, but this area was where my career and friends were, so I wanted to stay where that was, and my last long term relationship ended because she moved to the opposite coast (I'm on the east coast, she moved to California.) This is relevant, because on the very first date, this new girl knows all this and yet on the very first date she tells me that its her dream to get a job in California. I politely tell her that I don't think things will work. A few weeks later, she contacts me again, saying how she hadn't landed a job, and the other guys she tried dating were 'losers' and so she wanted another date with me. And was surprised when I said no.
Doctor Strange 1 day ago
Why would I want to go out with someone who was only with me until something better came along? Just once, I'd like to be someone's first choice. To not be settled for. To actually be wanted for a change.
Load More Replies...
Shelley Colleen 1 day ago (edited)
This list is under the "Couples" header but every single one is just some dude complaining about hot young girls they regret asking out. Maybe "pick me" girls aren't your perfect match, my guy.
Auntriarch 1 day ago
The titles often change within hours, and are often ridiculously inappropriate to start with
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 1 day ago
It's good to know what you want and what you definitely don't. That's what dating is for.
Doctor Strange 1 day ago
Treating me like a backup option. As in, they couldn't get what they really wanted, so they'll settle for me. For example, met a girl on a dating site. We talked for a while, and I had specifically mentioned that I wasn't looking to move. Not that I needed to stay in the exact house I'm in now, but this area was where my career and friends were, so I wanted to stay where that was, and my last long term relationship ended because she moved to the opposite coast (I'm on the east coast, she moved to California.) This is relevant, because on the very first date, this new girl knows all this and yet on the very first date she tells me that its her dream to get a job in California. I politely tell her that I don't think things will work. A few weeks later, she contacts me again, saying how she hadn't landed a job, and the other guys she tried dating were 'losers' and so she wanted another date with me. And was surprised when I said no.
Doctor Strange 1 day ago
Why would I want to go out with someone who was only with me until something better came along? Just once, I'd like to be someone's first choice. To not be settled for. To actually be wanted for a change.
Load More Replies... Shelley Colleen 1 day ago (edited)
This list is under the "Couples" header but every single one is just some dude complaining about hot young girls they regret asking out. Maybe "pick me" girls aren't your perfect match, my guy.
Auntriarch 1 day ago
The titles often change within hours, and are often ridiculously inappropriate to start with
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