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33 Stories About Men Who Went To The Altar Against Their Will, And What Followed Next
Interview With Expert
Social statistics knows a lot. It knows how many couples get married at the altar every year, and how many of them have kids. It knows how many marriages fall apart, and how many times single parents try to start life anew. Social statistics knows a lot of cold numbers behind which human destinies stand.
What it definitely doesn't know is how many marriages are actually happy, and in general, the very concept of marital happiness seems very vague and unique for each person, even in one couple. Well, our selection of stories today is actually related to the topic of happiness in marriage.
More info: Reddit
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#1
My wife and I were degenerates in our youth. Both high school dropouts. I was a construction laborer, and she was a cab driver. She had her GED and was trying the community college route, but doing poorly due to the overnight cab job when we started dating. I had no interest in higher education, I was happy in the trades and could find a job anywhere I traveled too. In the early stages of our relationship, we partied at concerts and festivals, and nothing to show for our work, renting an apartment in the worst part of town, problems paying bills. Together we wanted to start growing up. I got my GED, and started saving money weekly. She got her associates degree, and then we stagnated. Then one night she got robbed in the cab which led her to want to continue her education and not be stuck driving a cab the rest of her life. She ended up getting accepted to a school 450 miles away. We talked about moving away so she could go to school. I didn't want to move away without assurance we were in this together. I didn't want to loose her either. I had enough saved up for a ring, so I took my two kid brothers to help me pick one out. I felt like I was rushing, we were only dating two years, but it felt like one of those I'm gonna loose the best thing that had happened to me at 23. I proposed with doubt in my gut. I explained why I was proposing, and what she meant to me. She cried and said yes. Our wedding was super cheap, but it was ours. We moved and I got a job that allowed me to provide a roof over our heads, and food in our bellies so she could focus full time on college, and only college. She graduated summa c*m laude with a 4.0. We've grown even more since then. We'll celebrate our 14 year wedding anniversary this June. She's my best friend, my queen, the most important gut feeling I ever chased. I couldn't imagine walking through this chaotic world with anyone else.
Edited, removed two redundant words.
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#2
There's no pressure to marry. If you've been with a woman for 4+ years and she's good enough to make you a sandwich, wash your underwear and give you a bj, but not good enough to marry her - just leave.
It's incredibly selfish to say "I,was pressured into marriage". No, for many years you were in a committed relationship with a person you didn't see your future with, while keeping her under impression that she's the one for you. Break up and let her find someone who considers her good enough.
#3
I felt pressured by the fact that if I didn't lock her down, she'd not want to stick around. It was clear when we started dating that she was going to want kids and, after four years of being together, we got married.
Honestly, it went really well, I had this moment on our honeymoon where I felt muscles in my neck relax for the first time ever. Told my counselor I'm finally truly safe to be emotionally authentic with someone. Had about 6 months with our newborn that were pure gold, as golden as surviving sleep deprivation can be.
My wife was diagnosed with cancer when our son was 10 months old, she died six days before his first birthday. It's been just over two years since her death and I am laid off, depressed, in chronic pain, and now alone, so no, I am not happy.
The alternate universe me where Soph didn't get cancer is extremely happy now, I imagine. Though, with my own health developments, if she hadn't gotten sick, maybe I'd be single anyway. My curse persists, hopefully this is my last lifetime under the shadow.
Update: I just started my fifth week at a new job which is going very well so far. I'm hopeful that this is the first big step toward rebuilding my life and all that. Thanks to everyone for their kind words.
Interestingly, the AskReddit thread on which this selection is based was started by a woman, the user u/girl_online23. According to her, over the years, she increasingly sees her male friends who have been married for a long time secretly admit that they didn’t marry for love, but rather out of pressure.
Some of them succumbed to pressure from their girlfriends. Some agreed to the urging of their parents or relatives. Some "realized" that society assumes an inevitable marriage after several years of dating or even living together. So the topic starter wondered - how happy are these men in their family life?
"We talk a lot of women settling, but nothing about how often men do,” the author added. I must say, the thread turned out to be very interesting and instructive, having collected over 4.7K upvotes and around 1K various comments and stories in a couple of months. So let's now delve into it all with this list made for you by Bored Panda!
#4
I'm going to be one of the few people here who say yes.
Gf at the time had kids — her first marriage was a disaster. I had a decent manufacturing job and was (is) utterly smitten with her. She needs me to marry her for health insurance and for real life things like buying a house. So we marry.
I'll admit today (and then) I was hesitant.
And almost 35 years later, I'm stupidly happy — still. The kids are grown. I moved up in career out of the factory into engineering. Career is great. Kids are all out of the house with a few grand babies out there. Wife and I travel the world. We're still really s**y together.
#5
I got married out of pressure. I met a girl and got deployed. Wrote her all the time. My team noticed and wrote the wives club. The women all met and decided for me that she was the one. Arranged the wedding for when we returned. Seven days later, I married and still am 52 years later.
Uncle Panda 2 months ago (edited)
I had a period where I was into historical diaries and journals. In the pioneer days (in the US), it was common that if a husband died, the women in the village told the widow they had a new man for her and the men went and told him. The rationale was that either person running around unmarried might cause problems. There was more than one instance but I don't know how widespread the practice was.
#6
It happened to me once. I had only been with her a year. She kept asking and asking when when are we going to get married. Then, one night, she had a few drinks and really got going. I buckled just to make it end.
Then I broke up with her a few weeks later. I didn't want to marry someone who was always pressuring me into what she wanted. But I imagine some guys would stick it out.
By the way, if you expected to find here only sad stories about how men realized that they made the wrong choice, then you’re definitely mistaken. As in almost any life situation, the stories were divided into two approximately equal categories. Yes, there are those that ended sadly - either in divorce or in an unhappy life together.
But there are also many stories where men actually realized over the years that love is not only passion and the desire to be together all the time. They realized that marriage is more of a long run, and mutual support and warmth mean no less (and sometimes even more) than ardent passion.
#7
I guess I was sort of indirectly pressured by external events. I was at a stage with my girlfriend where everything was going fantastic and I saw absolutely no reason why I wouldn't propose eventually if we continued on the same trajectory. But I had a job change looming on the horizon and it came down to me moving with her as my wife, or trying the long-distance thing yet again (which had not worked in the past in previous relationships). So, I ended up proposing earlier than is usual in most relationships. Had everything else been equal, I probably would have waited.
But things worked out. She ended up being just the kind of loving wife and mother to our kids that I'd always dreamed of. I guess I got lucky, but the complete lack of any red flags early in our relationship was a good sign that she was worth the leap.
I was heavily pressured to marry an ex (prior to meeting my wife), and thank God I got out of that before I made what would have been the worst mistake of my life.
#8
I got my girlfriend pregnant when I was 23. I thought she was on birth control however she stopped taking it without telling me. I thought she was for me but there were many red flags. I married her out of shame. I didn't want to have a baby out of wedlock. Then she joined the army , it was part of her plan. You can't join the military as a single parent. She had plans to divorce me when she got use out of me. Two kids later in that rabbit hole and 21 years later we are divorced. It broke me for 2 solid years. I had to get counseling and find myself lol. I'm better now and have found true love. I wish none of it happened. It also [mess] my daughter up growing up with her. My son's aren't as bad. I wish I had a redo.
#9
I got engaged right before a deployment because the pressure was constant and suffocating. I got the "propose before you leave or we're done" two days before deployment orders began, and I did. The following morning my first coherent thought was "what have I done?"
While deployed we argued a lot, and at some point I realized I'd be a fool to continue. Called it off when I got home, moved my s**t out and ultimately moved on.
For any guys reading this: don't cave to pressure. Its okay to leave even if there's significant time investment. **Listen to your gut.**.
Fuhleeheece 2 months ago
The "sunk cost" fallacy: the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial (American Heritage Dictionary).
Okay, but why do men get married out of pressure? What reasons motivate them, sometimes not even thinking about marriage, to propose to their girlfriends? In fact, there are two large categories of reasons - internal and external. Internal ones are simply when men see women as a way to solve their everyday problems.
Cooking, cleaning the house, washing, and just having a companion in life - many men, having grown up, are simply looking for a replacement for their mother, who used to do this before. Needless to say, in such a couple, the wife is regarded not as a lover or soulmate, but rather as mom 2.0?
The second category of reasons is external and is related to the society we live in. Some people start a family simply because they feel that this is what adults should do, while others look at their peers who already have a wife and children, put down their PS gamepad and take out the engagement ring. And some, tired of the hints of their significant others and fam, just sigh and decide “it will be easier this way.”
#10
I promised to my first fiancé because I felt like that’s what I should do. Happy as a pig in s**t that it didn’t work and was called off a few months later. Fast forward to my wedding day and my step father in law asks if I’m sure. Without hesitation I said “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” You don’t have to be that assertive but if you have any legit doubts about your future with this person, might be best to not go through with it.
#11
I dated a woman for 3 years, but she started pressuring me to get married about 6 months into the relationship. We broke up and got back together several times over the 3 years we were together. After our second last breakup I had decided that I would marry her. I finally proposed, but she turned me down saying that she didn’t want to be the woman I settled for. We broke up for good a short while later.
I met my wife about a year later, we dated for about 3 months before we moved in together and we have been together and happy even since. It has been 13 years now.
#12
I got married out of pressure, subtle as it may have been. We dated for about four years. That marriage lasted for three years. Those seven years felt like decades.
After that divorce, I married my second wife after dating for about nine months. The twenty-two years we've been together have went by in a blink of the eye.
While it's only an n=1 data point, it strongly suggests you're right, OP.
However, modern society is anyway connected to the problem we’re discussing today. Thus, according to the 2025 Match Singles in America study, 70% of singles report that “men and women increasingly misunderstand each other when it comes to dating, and many say harmful stereotypes are to blame.”
In particular, this is due to the fact that social media has made love something like a glittering show, so that people expect from relationships something more like fast, spectacular reels or shorts, rather than life experiences. At the same time, real life still sets accents - and not at all the ones people expect.
"Single adults have ramped up their expectations when seeking dates, wanting potential partners to be an instant best friend, lover, therapist, and travel buddy all in one. While having such high demands can sound empowering, in reality they can become overwhelming," the study quotes Dr. Justin Garcia, Chief Scientific Advisor to Match and Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute, and it's actually hard to disagree.
#13
She told me after we were together for two years or so, if you don’t plan to marry me don’t waste my time. I proposed shortly after, best choice I’ve ever made.
#14
The people who pressure you into marriage are doing it because they think youre their only chance of getting married. Or they want to lock you in for what they can get out of you. If anyone pressures you, just walk away.
#15
Plenty of guys go through with it because saying no feels harder than living with the decision. You’re 5+ years in…everyone’s waiting…and it feels easier to just get married than to deal with the fallout. But that “easier” choice turns into quiet resentment. You start living a life you didn’t actively choose…just one you didn’t say no to.
And ngl that’s a brutal way to coast through your 30s….
"Our whole life is, by and large, a process of comparing our expectations with reality, and very few people manage to actually change reality to suit themselves,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
"Some people simply call it getting mature - gaining the ability to realize that some things in this life we can change, and some we cannot, and the skill to distinguish the former from the latter.”
"Every person has their own story, and everyone passes reality through themselves, forming their own attitude towards it. Someone changes in the process of sharing one roof, learns to find the good in everything, and someone just tries to start all over again. This is life, it was always like that," Irina summarizes.
#16
I didnt go through with it but had a girlfriend of 7 years I got engaged to. After about 5 years she started pressuring me. It's a harder situation than you think from the outside. As a young 20-something I was afraid of being lonely, and figured that gut feeling telling me not to commit was just a fear of commitment. Something that I just needed to get over.
She cheated and everything got called off which was extremely painful but in hindsight really the best thing that could have happened.
My fears were erased in my next relationship where I felt comfortable marrying her less than a year in, and we've been together 6 years since.
But I understand why guys would settle. Dating is a s******w, and as a guy it's a constant rat race of how much "value" you can provide. The horror stories are everywhere, as I'm sure they are for women too. Men are really good at settling into what's comfortable and sometimes a mediocre relationship is what's comfortable as sad as it is to say.
#17
No. It has been the absolute worst decision of my life. My Brazilian girlfriend got pregnant and then begged me to marry her even though I wasn't in love with her and I told her that I didn't want to marry her many times. She kept begging and pressured me into it and I felt like it was the right thing to do at the time since she was pregnant with my baby. Now we have the cutest baby but our relationship is terrible. She gets mad at me to the point where she breaks things, splashes water on me, punches me. She has hit me in the head with a plastic bottle. No good deed goes unpunished. I wish I listened to my family and friends and never married her. I honestly wish I never met her.
#18
Not really happy. Its a chore.
And once living together started, its just a burden everytime. We are very different people and have different interests/goals/lifestyles.
Frankly im still sticking around because of responsibility/commitment, but am I enjoying myself? The answer is a hard no.
GlitterPanda 2 months ago
If you are that unhappy, you will both be better off if you separate
Okay, be that as it may, we're almost certain you'll enjoy reading these three dozen stories about human life and love. Sad, kind, fascinating, and funny - but behind each of them are two people who, one way or another, have shared part of their lives together.
So now please feel free to read everything to the very end, and maybe share your own tale in the comments below if you have something to say here. Perhaps your story will be just as interesting as those we've collected here.
#19
Idk but knowing you are the place holder gf sucks. Im 3yrs in with my dude and in my gut i know hes just not that into me :/ working on the courage to leave. Hell for sure by married within 2yrs with the one after me :/.
#20
Happily married now, but I almost went down this path and the answered almost guaranteed would have been no. Marriage doesn’t fix anything, it’d be like buying a car you didn’t like but knowing you’re stuck with it for the rest of your life. But multiplied by 20x.
Genuinely great and very thoughtful question though.
#21
I'm happy now we've been divorced for 5 years yeah!
#22
I’m freshly 24 and freshly married, and felt the pressure after my then-29 now-30yr old wife proposed to me, but honestly her family treats me well, and makes me feel like their son, so I honestly don’t regret it. Do I struggle with my own emotions? Yeah, do I tell her? No because the last thing I would want is for her or anyone else to say they struggle to love me. I know when she’s gone off to work or errands that I miss her, and that I enjoy spending time with her. that tells me all I need to know if I love her or not.
Sara Frazer 2 months ago
I just gotta say, if the genders were reversed here (early 20s woman, 30-year-old man) all the redditors would be like "OH NOOO LOOK AT THE AGE GAP!!! That's a red flag!! These age gaps never work out!!" so I hope this guy is actually happy and not "getting used by an older person", as would be said if the genders were reversed...
#23
Ehhh….
Sometimes.
Maybe 30% of the time. Definitely not my soulmate. Not sure that is something I believe in, though. She isn’t a bad person but she hid some compatibility issues and now that we are married and in a house she has the image that she wants and that’s just where things are. For now.
Craig Reynolds 2 months ago
Did you at least live together for a year first, because it's kind of hard to hide stuff long-term? There may have been clues that you didn't want to see and so ignored them.
#24
I know a guy who married an a*****e woman who pressured him into it. Then he got cancer shortly afterwards. I remember him talking to me, hoping for some sort of reassurance that I couldn't give him. He died alone and miserable.
I've been pressured to marry more than once; I've always managed to resist, but it's always a relationship-ender when I say no.
#25
I asked a counsellor once why they thought relationships break down. They replied incompatibility...
Janelle Collard 2 months ago
Yep! Money, kids, relocate for jobs, in-laws move in - any of it could be a deal-breaker.
#26
Hahaha my sister tried to pressure a guy she was casually seeing to commit to her, to be exclusive, after like a year of fooling around. Me, and everyone else was like “hey, why don’t you just…. Find someone who actually wants to be with you?” She gave a billion excuses: he does like me, he does want this. In her defence he gave her mixed signals because nobody else was willing to sleep with him so he lead her on, so I don’t think she’s the devil here. Tbh I find most relationship problems aren’t one sided, but anyways, she was trying hard to pressure and he never c*****d. They broke up and he immediately committed to the next girl he was with. Sister was pissed for about a month and is now entirely over it and matured. I asked her what was up with that, pushing him when he clearly didn’t like her that much (it was obvious) - she said it was the ego boost of someone actually wanting her. She finally admitted she didn’t even like HIM that much either, I don’t think shes thought of him more than maybe 5 times in the four years since they broke up
To vent they were a total mismatch. She values health and is fit and is ambitious even if she’s not super experienced. She talks and is hilarious and makes friends, new friends, easily. Shes cultured and has a myriad of interests. She asks questions and is a good time. She’s non judgemental and fun and likes to go out. She is a bit crazy. He is very fat and makes no effort to get in shape besides constantly complaining. He is so boring sitting near him, not even having to talk to him directly, makes time feel extremely slow. He has no interests besides video games, doesn’t care about his work, wants a simple life.
She’s been in love with someone else for the last four years and hasn’t pressured him at all, leaves him alone when he asks, doesn’t f**k around at all lmfao. Men and women both act right with someone they really value vs someone they want for ego stroking.
#27
If it’s not a resounding YES from both parties then they shouldn’t get married.
A lot of guys stay with a woman because they don’t feel that they have options. So better the devil they know than the dating scene. Not to mention they get a little Stockholm syndrome. So many guys don’t truly see how awful their wives are until they leave. The weight they feel lifted is massive.
#28
My brother did and it was a huge mistake. She thought after the marriage , once the child arrived a year later things would be great, he's a changed man and she would live her traditional catholic life with him. Little did she know he was pressured by her family, he gave in but still wanted to hang out and mess around. They divorced a year later after their unnecessarily expensive catholic wedding and she still holds a grudge 20 years later.
#29
Absolutely do not do it! I was this scenario exactly. 5 years and then 8 years of marriage. 13 years gone! My girlfriend now is the love of my life and every one I’ve dated since I’ve broken it off the moment I knew it wasn’t what I wanted long term. I will never make a mistake with my life like that ever again.
It’s not worth giving up your time while this life we all get is so short!
Craig Reynolds 2 months ago
It shouldn't take 5 years to figure out if you're with the right person, and marriage will not change it if you're not. It will just bring an overdue reality check.
#30
I felt pressure being from the Midwest and needing to settle down early and have kids by 23 or 25. I thought she was the right one for me but I think she and I both ignored the red flags. We divorced on our one year anniversary. That year wasn't miserable, I think we had a pretty good time but the last two months terrible.
#31
I will start by saying I absolutely love my wife she is a great person who makes me better and supports me. We started dating when I was 15 and never had a lot of friction throughout highschool just hanging out and being dumb. I kinda figured we would grow apart after highschool but we ended up going to the same college and stayed together.
Once I graduated she followed me several states away when I got my first job out of college and after that I figured hey we might as well get married lol. I wouldn't necessarily say that we are soul mates but we both put in the effort to make our relationship work over the years which is more than I can say about some of our other friends.
Is there someone out there who might be a better fit for both of us, maybe, but sometimes you have to appreciate what you have not what you could have.
#32
My daughter is getting divorced after 5 years. Her husband said he hasn’t felt happy for a long time. He chose to get her a ring. They lived in an apartment for a while and then bought a house. I guess he could have felt pressure. But at the same time, he did make the choice to ask her to marry him and buy a house. His own parents told him he shouldn’t get divorced.
Craig Reynolds 2 months ago
If his parents told him not to get divorced, then that is likely where any pressure to get married in the first place came from.
#33
Don’t do it it’s my only advice, you’ll make her happy (temporarily) and make yourself miserable.
While also risking half your networth.
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What do you think ?
Heffalump 2 months ago
What differentiates the success stories from the failures here is not the pressure, but the commitment. It seems like it doesn't matter what prompts you to get married, it's the determination to make it work that decides. If you go into something thinking 'I'm not sure this is what I want', that's OK, so long as you also go in with the attitude of 'but this is what I'm doing'. This is probably true of everything in life.
The Majestic Opossum 2 months ago (edited)
Oof, this was hard for me to read... My husband proposed when our son was about 6 months old. A couple of months later we had an argument and he blurted out that he didn't even want to propose, he only had because he felt pressured to. I immediately gave him the ring back. He apologized the next day, saying he hadn't meant it, but I was adamant that he keep it until he was sure. I can't recall when or how he "re-proposed" but he did and we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary a couple months back. We've had a wonderful life with 2 amazing kids, have grown up a lot together in that time, but part of me still wonders if he's really happy, or if he sometimes feels he made a mistake all those years ago...
Craig Reynolds 2 months ago
Don't do that to yourself! I don't believe it would have been possible for you two to have had a wonderful life for 15 years if either one of you were not happy.
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Lee Banks 2 months ago
My ex husband and I both married under pressure. He was my best friend's best friend. We were told never to meet because "something weird would happen". We met the night before he was redeployed to afghanistan. I needed health insurance, he could use the spousal pay bump. He half jokingly proposed, and we went for the license the next morning. The clerk took our nerves for blushing bride syndrome, and had a jop/priest to just get it done then and there. What else could we do? Our first kiss was with our vows. We became great friends, then lovers, then grew apart. He called me about five years later to say he'd met a woman, and wanted to marry her... could we get a divorce? Of course. He was was a great love, and I'm glad for our time, but I'm so glad we both found better fits.
nicholas nolan 2 months ago
That's actually kind of sweet. Bittersweet, maybe?
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 2 months ago
I had one of these - "if this isn't going to end in marriage, I'm leaving now" after being together for about 4 months. I later discovered she'd been engaged five times (including her one previous marriage, which lasted less than a year). Fortunately she gave me the ring back after a year; we gave it to our witnesses to sell on ebay when I finally did get married, 25 years later, after being together for 17 years.
Janelle Collard 2 months ago
Some of these people should have gotten couples counseling before getting married.
Heffalump 2 months ago
What differentiates the success stories from the failures here is not the pressure, but the commitment. It seems like it doesn't matter what prompts you to get married, it's the determination to make it work that decides. If you go into something thinking 'I'm not sure this is what I want', that's OK, so long as you also go in with the attitude of 'but this is what I'm doing'. This is probably true of everything in life.
The Majestic Opossum 2 months ago (edited)
Oof, this was hard for me to read... My husband proposed when our son was about 6 months old. A couple of months later we had an argument and he blurted out that he didn't even want to propose, he only had because he felt pressured to. I immediately gave him the ring back. He apologized the next day, saying he hadn't meant it, but I was adamant that he keep it until he was sure. I can't recall when or how he "re-proposed" but he did and we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary a couple months back. We've had a wonderful life with 2 amazing kids, have grown up a lot together in that time, but part of me still wonders if he's really happy, or if he sometimes feels he made a mistake all those years ago...
Craig Reynolds 2 months ago
Don't do that to yourself! I don't believe it would have been possible for you two to have had a wonderful life for 15 years if either one of you were not happy.
Load More Replies... Lee Banks 2 months ago
My ex husband and I both married under pressure. He was my best friend's best friend. We were told never to meet because "something weird would happen". We met the night before he was redeployed to afghanistan. I needed health insurance, he could use the spousal pay bump. He half jokingly proposed, and we went for the license the next morning. The clerk took our nerves for blushing bride syndrome, and had a jop/priest to just get it done then and there. What else could we do? Our first kiss was with our vows. We became great friends, then lovers, then grew apart. He called me about five years later to say he'd met a woman, and wanted to marry her... could we get a divorce? Of course. He was was a great love, and I'm glad for our time, but I'm so glad we both found better fits.
nicholas nolan 2 months ago
That's actually kind of sweet. Bittersweet, maybe?
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 2 months ago
I had one of these - "if this isn't going to end in marriage, I'm leaving now" after being together for about 4 months. I later discovered she'd been engaged five times (including her one previous marriage, which lasted less than a year). Fortunately she gave me the ring back after a year; we gave it to our witnesses to sell on ebay when I finally did get married, 25 years later, after being together for 17 years.
Janelle Collard 2 months ago
Some of these people should have gotten couples counseling before getting married.
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